Well, you thought I was joking about how the Hyde Park set views Joe Six Pack?

Joe Six Pack is supposed to sit down, shut up, take the government hand outs he is getting and drink his beer. He should be happy, too, because the "liberals" in control of the government haven't outlawed beer. Yet. Gay marriage? Check. Running naked through the streets equals freedom of speech? Check. Drinking a six pack of beer and complaining about the socialist government? Soon to be illegal, if current activities are any indicator.

Yeah, yeah. It's all one big joke until Joe shows up and actually asks a question. Then it's all Kristallnacht, stormtroopers and Plumbers Verboten.

Apparently, under an Obama administration, plumbers will be forbidden to make more than $30,000 a year and sweat a pipe without an Obama stamp of approval. Otherwise, they become bourgeois fat cats who should be taxed out of their coveralls. Anybody else want to profess their occupation before asking The Anointed One a question? He has an economic plan for you, too. It's called "the unemployment line".

Random thought: I suspect "Joe the Plumber" is going to get a lot more write ins than Mickey Mouse this year. Although, obviously he can't compete with Mickey's 50 state, ACORN assisted voter registration.
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Posted by: Open Blog at 05:47 AM | Comments (87)
Post contains 1339 words, total size 8 kb.

Downblog, someone asked if he should read Gravity's Rainbow.

I say No.

I have to disagree with counter. It sucks. I know 30 people who have never gotten past the fucking banana fritters in chapters 1-3.

I hate it. I've tried reading it four times. My eyes slide off the page. He's too interested in weaving esoterica into prose.

You've probably already read it, but let me suggest the Cliff's Notes to any Pynchon -- Crying of Lot 49. 150 pages, punchy fast and funny, and pretty much it's the same Pynchon as in any of his brutally long books, so you're covered. You can pretend you read Gravity's Rainbow -- just swap out banana fritters for The Trystero.

I can take esoterica and wordplay for 150 pages. For 600 -- no thank you, Madam.

PS, since this is a geek site, I'll tell you something else:

The Pynchon pastiche The Illuminatus Trilogy sucks too, even for a "fun book." I tried to read that this summer, having heard about it since college.

What's the point?

PPS, I'm kinda drunk.

PPPS, if you want to read a classic "literary" corkscrewed-view of WWII novel, go with Catch 22. You'll hate it for 60 pages, begin to submit for the next 40, and love it the rest of the way.

And no banana fritters for 100 pages, either.

Posted by: Ace at 10:09 PM | Comments (155)
Post contains 236 words, total size 1 kb.

Arthur nnnyyuhh gughhhhh Death Ray Instruction Manual, ugghhhh....

A recently published Air Force Instruction paper has established a safety program for Directed Energy Weapons (DEWs), also affectionately known as death rays.

Here's what's obviously the best paragraph.

DEW systems create unique hazards that are different from conventional and nuclear weapons," the paper informs. "Potential DEW systems covered by this instruction include, but are not limited to, high-energy lasers, weaponized microwave and millimeter wave beams, explosive-driven electromagnetic pulse devices, acoustic weapons, laser induced plasma channel systems, non-lethal directed energy devices, and atomic-scale and subatomic particle beam weapons.

Ahhh. Luscious.

Let's look at that in more detail.

DEW systems create unique hazards that are different from conventional and nuclear weapons

That's the point!

DEW systems covered by this instruction include, but are not limited to, ...

There's MORE coming!

The mighty list.

high-energy lasers
YES.

weaponized microwave and millimeter wave beams,
YES!!

explosive-driven electromagnetic pulse devices,
Oh BABY - PULSE ON ME!

acoustic weapons,
SCREECH

laser induced plasma channel systems,
I don't even know what this is but it makes me hard.

non-lethal directed energy devices
Set boner for stun.

atomic-scale and subatomic particle beam weapons.
You had me at atomic!

Is every mad scientist in the world working for the US defense department?

Unnnnhhhh.... uugghghhhh....

Unnh. Unnh.

Strike. Flare. Sizzle. Puff.

Oh that was nice.

Posted by: Ace at 09:57 PM | Comments (46)
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Word that sounds dirty but isn't: meniscus.

Jenjhis... had prepared an overnight thread intro, so here's what she (?) wrote:

Because once again, Gabe is too drunk to type.

I wanted to tack on a P.J. O’Rourke comment, but I can’t remember which book it’s from. Something about amusing yourself and to paraphrase it went something like: “Just check your lap. Feel around down there. Ahh, now you’ve found it.” From one of his earlier books, I think, but I’m not about to flip through all of them tonight to find the exact quote. I have a life, even if you don’t, cock-holsters.

Posted by: Ace at 09:43 PM | Comments (91)
Post contains 142 words, total size 1 kb.

Showing how "tough" he is.

I've seen him in person. There's a difference between "tough" and "squat."

UPDATED [DiT]: video of Franken over at HA. "Petulant" seems appropo. more...

Posted by: Ace at 06:36 PM | Comments (147)
Post contains 72 words, total size 1 kb.