To all our motherly readers, we love you and we're grateful you're in our lives. Thank you for all the things--big and small--that you do for us. And speaking of...whatever happened to having breakfast ready when I wake up in the morning? 'Cause that was the shit. I mean, I only visit three or four times a year now, how hard is it to get up and cook me some pancakes?

No, no, really. Just kidding. Thank you, mothers, for always looking out for the best interests of your children. Like the way you'd flip on the porch light when I was trying to get my hand under your daughter's sweater. My teenaged self didn't like that very much, but it taught me how very important it was to take your daughter to that park with all the creepy guys standing in the bushes instead.

Ha! I'm just messing with you. Mothers can always be counted on to ride to the rescue when something has gone wrong. Mom, remember the time you came to school to bring me clean underwear in front of all my friends 'cause you realized I had no fresh laundry? It was last week. The Dean of Academics still laughs every time he sees me.

Okay, I guess the love we have for mothers has to be pretty damn secure. Like that nursing home on 12th Street.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 09:20 AM | Comments (13)
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Hillary Clinton's final days deep inside her campaign bunker documented in the original German with NSFW subtitles.

HT http://sweetness-light.com

Posted by: Open Blog at 07:17 AM | Comments (35)
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(like herpes, but not as fun to get)

We can has delegates?

Action alert for Professor Science's minions to get themselves seated as delegates at the Republican National convention (instructions are specifically for the Washington State Republican convention)

Some highlights:

Do not wear Ron Paul Gear- You are the candidate and you are running for a delegate position. Create your own election flyer or card with you as the candidate running for delegateÂ…you can list credentials- soccer coach, bible study teacher, veteran, home schooler etc etc..

Do not mention the war, as this is a sensitive issue that will allow the other delegates to identify you as a Ron Paul supporter. And this will also serve to polarize our Ron Paul slate from other conservatives in at the convention. Represent a strong stance against Bin Laden and al-Qaeda, as conservatives love to hear these kinds of things. Also talk about LOCAL issuesÂ…Gregoires bizarra Park plan, property rights, You can mention monetary policy, national ID cards, the protection of civil liberties, NAFTA, immigration, etc. These are issues that conservatives will be receptive to and they are also issues that Republicans need to hear about.

Again, Make no mention of the Iraq War- You will see how quickly the crowd will turn on you, and more importantly refuse to vote for you.

stealthy

Courtesy of Sound Politics and found via Orbusmax.

Update: Apparently the site containing the "instructions" has been taken down. However, what happens on the web, stays on the web, and there are copies. Nice try, though.

Posted by: Open Blog at 02:25 AM | Comments (98)
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It turns out the boy ordered and extra card from his dad's account, and ran up the charges.Included in the charges was a call to an escort service for him and his friends.

Now, that in itself would make an awesome story. But, the kid lost major awesomeness points when it was revealed what he really did with the hookers.

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a "World of Warcraft" tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys age the delivery clerk informed the authorities.

When police arrived at the motel they found $3,000 in cash, numerous electronic gadgets, an Xbox video console with numerous games, and the two local escort girls.

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.

So, let's recap:
Credit card fraud. Hookers. Not being sure what to do with the hookers. Choosing video games over sex with hookers. Circus Midgets. Political ambitions.

I smell a future member of the Ace of Spades Lifestyle, Vice-President Edition!

Bumped. I just posted this again, not realizing it had gone up yesterday. So I'll just bump the original.

Posted by: Open Blog at 10:13 AM | Comments (49)
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Because Pelosi has a primary next month:

“It's prohibited,” a Republican campaign finance lawyer, Jan Baran, said. He said the ad constitutes a "coordinated" expenditure on behalf of Ms. Pelosi's campaign by the group sponsoring the ad, the Alliance for Climate Protection. Any ad of that sort distributed in a candidate’s district within 90 days of a congressional primary or general election is deemed a campaign donation, Mr. Baran said.

"She's in the ad. That means it's coordinated," a Republican attorney who battles to overturn campaign finance laws, James Bopp Jr., said. "I'm a guy that specializes in loopholes. I don't know of any loopholes."

The ad could also trigger a requirement for Mr. GoreÂ’s group to report publicly on its donors, campaign finance lawyers said.

Posted by: Open Blog at 07:14 PM | Comments (20)
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Found this story on Drudge, but the money quote was buried way down in it:

...But some producers are becoming increasingly uneasy about the run-away prices and are finding it difficult to maintain OPEC's position.

"They are playing with fire," an analyst at Lehman Brothers, Adam Robinson, said. "Every time the price goes up, and we break a new psychological mark, they risk killing the goose that lays the golden egg. Their biggest fear is triggering something they can't control."...

I can say this - while driving through PA and WV recently, I saw a lot of billboards touting clean coal. That wasn't something I was seeing on trips back and forth from FL to NY a few years ago. Someone out there is spending a bundle on raising public awareness that this alternative stuff exists.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 06:23 PM | Comments (46)
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How would you like to come home from work, and find a total stranger in your bathroom, on your toilet, "doing his business"? (Excellent mugshot at link).

That's what happened to Lisa Bess, who called the police when she saw that her bathroom door was closed, and could hear water running from inside.

When Ocala police officers kicked open the door to her bathroom at about 5 p.m., she had her answer: A man had found the extra key outside, let himself in, picked out a new outfit of her clothes to wear and took a long hot shower. They found him sitting naked on the bathroom toilet.

"There was still a stench of my body lotion; actually, water was still draining from the bathtub," Bess said. "And he was refusing to get off the toilet until he finished doing his business."

Now that's what I call a home invasion.

The time in the house gave him a chance to shower up, using Bess' Victoria's Secret lavender body wash, and shave. She could smell her body wash in the air and said there was still steam on the bathroom mirror.

"He was perfectly clean cut when we saw him, but he was wearing our clothes," she said. "I couldn't tell you what underwear he was wearing, but I don't think I want to know."

No one was hurt during the altercation, and Wilkerson was taken to the Marion County Jail.

Bess said, other than the clothes he was wearing, Wilkerson took nothing else from the home. She said she won't mind if she doesn't get the clothes back.

"It was scary, but it was so funny, too," she said. "I couldn't be mad at him because I was laughing so hard."

This happened in Florida, by the way. I think 95% of the news of the weird type stories happen there. Lotta crazy people in Floriduh, as PJ Momma likes to say.

Hat Tip: Crime Scene KC

Posted by: Open Blog at 05:29 PM | Comments (20)
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Well, almost nobody.

Of all places, you'd think at least in Las Vegas it would require some amount of charm and personal grace to be a judge.

And you'd be wrong.

That's not a fat joke. I'd never be that shallow. I'm talking about the way she misuses her position as a judge.

Her former bailiff, for example, says Halverson made him feel like a "houseboy." He says the judge — who is obese and uses a motorized scooter to get around — made him put her shoes on her feet, massage her back, cover her with a blanket for naps and make sure her oxygen tank was filled. He says she asked him, "Do you want to worship me from near or afar?"

Halverson also surrounded herself with her own hired guards, saying she did not trust the courthouse security force to protect her. Another time, she allegedly had her husband sworn in so that she could ask him under oath if he had completed chores at home.

Since then, the 50-year-old Nevada district judge has been locked out of her Las Vegas courtroom, suspended from the bench and brought up on judicial-misconduct charges that include not only misusing her position and treating her staff like personal valets, but also tainting juries and falling asleep on the bench.

I'm guessing they've also got some legal arguments they could make along the lines of inciting violent revolution by the machines. I swear, I think I can see that scooter crying. Ok, I give -- that was a fat joke.

I think, however, she may be the perfect presidential candidate for our times; the perfect synthesis of the modern Left and Right:

"In fairness, she believes she's fighting the fight of a maverick," [her defense lawyer] said. "I think her position is, `Why should I be another cog in the machine? Isn't it what the voters elected me to do, bring change?'"

And according to another of her lawyers:

"Last time I checked, being a judge doesn't require a beauty contest."

Damn you Las Vegas. Damn you to hell.

Posted by: Open Blog at 04:21 PM | Comments (71)
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As usual lately. Sorry, if I don't take the weekends off, I wind up hating life during the week.

Posted by: Ace at 02:20 PM | Comments (23)
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Allah has the full rundown on this Orwellian re-writing of history and the New York TimesÂ’ complicity in it.

HereÂ’s the original commitment, decide for yourself.

The Audacity Of Bull Shit.

Posted by: DrewM at 01:04 PM | Comments (26)
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