This doesn't seem to be a propaganda video on behalf of the Georgians. But it should be.

Story here. Video below the jump. more...

Posted by: Ace at 12:46 PM | Comments (49)
Post contains 50 words, total size 1 kb.

Of "The Vajayjay Monologues," a one-woman play which is a ripoff continuation of "The Vagina Monologues."

I keep reading liberals assert they're nuanced in their thinking and sophisticated in their choice of art and entertainment. Conservatives, you see, are troggish naifs who merely need our political biases reaffirmed. Liberals are far more discerning, interested in elevated discourse and genuine wit and talent. It's not that they seek brain-dead panderings to their politics -- it just turns out the only people making worthwhile art with a political bet are themselves liberal.

Okay.

While some of her sketches were funny and insightful, like how we should save the word “cunt” for appropriate purposes such as labeling Ann Coulter...

Oh, I see what you did there: Ann Coulter is a cunt. For a moment I was confused by all the wordplay and literary allusions.

Well played, Madame. Touche.

And that "sketch" is apparently the high point of her hour-long "play."

(I've been searching Google News for "breasts" and "vagina" a week without any good hits; I figured today, damnit, I'm getting a post out of all of that hard research.)

Posted by: Ace at 12:32 PM | Comments (28)
Post contains 191 words, total size 1 kb.

Sorry for all the humorous stuff today.

But enjoy this very odd video of "Helium and Celluloid: Hollywood's Romance with Balloons," featuring the most famous shots of balloons in film history.

It's worth giving a watch for at least 30 seconds. Then you can decide if you want to keep watching. more...

Posted by: Ace at 11:15 AM | Comments (28)
Post contains 60 words, total size 1 kb.

more...

Posted by: Ace at 10:58 AM | Comments (75)
Post contains 113 words, total size 1 kb.

It's not a secret to any of us. more...

Posted by: Ace at 10:10 AM | Comments (127)
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

As Fark says: You're doing it wrong.

This is very real. The decrepit old Sasquatch-lookin' hippie who jumps in is a professor and debate coach at Fort Hays State University. The black woman is the Pittsburgh coach.

The dispute involves one team receiving low scores.

Low scores? These latter-day Ciceros? No way.

Note he screams "This is not about fuckin' marijuana." Why do I think this is at least partly about fuckin' marijuana?

Profanity & Brief Sidal Nudity Warning. But worth it. It's like an intellectual/academic version of Hoosiers.

"It's about how you carry yourself."

Preach it, brother.

Please note that not enough people are going to college. Not enough of our non-academically-inclined students are attending these marginal, barely-accredited bottom-rung colleges and receiving the sage wisdom of mutants like this.

Update: Bigfoot lives? And is hoping for tenure?

That's not a mugshot. That's a glamor shot from (seriously) Professor/Debate Coach/Asshole Exhibitionist Bill Shanahan's blog. In which you'll find nuggets of wisdom such as this:

This election again offers a choice basically between only two candidates. Each one regularly presents their respective constituency with procedural, policy, and other reasons to vote against them.

Still, recent history suggests only two choices are viable and that most voters will vote for one or the other. Despite differences and disagreements with a particular candidate, voters are more likely to vote for the viable candidate that best represents their beliefs.

Ralph Nader's legitimate response to his critics that he brought out new voters who would not otherwise have voted is no longer relevant. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama helped bring out new voters who were energized to vote for a historic Democratic president.

Even Ron Paul ended his bid for the Republican nomination. Where his votes will go, though, no one knows. Some experts think they will slide to John McBush. Others suggest Libertarian candidate Bob Barr or Constitution candidate Chuck Baldwin.

Not only is that painfully, retardedly obvious -- only one of the two major candidates has a shot at winning? Fo' rizzle? -- but he shows his nuance with the appellation "John McBush," which is only a few steps up from "Prezmodent Chimphitler McMurderburton."

Also note he's a professor of Speech and Communications, but titles blog-posts with insensible gibberish such as...

On the Precipice of an Historic Occasion

Occasions have precipices? Oh well. He's a professor of Speech and Communication, not Geography and Cartography. Nevermind the fact that he actually means that title to suggest "on the verge of a singularity of pure awesome" (that is, Obama's winning the nomination), so it's a bit strange to be talking about precipices and chasms and cliffs and yawning abysses.

Remember: This is not about the fuckin' marijuana.

Thanks to BRD for that. Awesome.

Posted by: Ace at 09:54 AM | Comments (125)
Post contains 468 words, total size 4 kb.

The guys who made this incredible find will release even further proof-- a "DNA analysis," presumably done by they themselves.

Why do I expect this "DNA analysis" to consist of an old dot-matrix printer page reading only "CONFIRMATION: BIGFOOT"?

I've been trying to find the Bigfoot sequence from Strange Wilderness but it's unavailable. This will have to do:
more...

Posted by: Ace at 09:24 AM | Comments (68)
Post contains 68 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 07:50 AM | Comments (21)
Post contains 8 words, total size 1 kb.

A man of the Canadian religion died a few hundred miles from the upcoming Democratic convention due to all that cyanide he had smuggled in.

Police say they do not suspect "foul play." No, really, they said that. Just your everyday, normal Canadian man dying while attempting to build a cyanide gas bomb. Nothing "foul play" about that. It's just some high-spirited college hijinks, like when those CalTech geeks steal a Stanford float and park it on top of a building, and then release a cloud of acidic poison into the air to kill half a stadium.

Don't worry, though. He only had a little cyanide. Not enough to kill half a stadium.

Just a pound or so, "enough to kill hundreds of people."

Police spokesman John White identified the white powder as sodium cyanide, the crystal form of cyanide. Fire officials say they found a bottle containing about a pound of the white powder, or between a pint and a quart by volume. An expert told the Denver Post that the amount of cyanide is enough to kill hundreds of people.

The medical examinerÂ’s office said it is awaiting test results to determine whether cyanide killed 29-year-old Saleman Abdirahman Dirie, of Ottawa, Canada. His body was found Monday inside Room 408 at The Burnsley Hotel, which is about four blocks from the state Capitol. White said Dirie had been dead for several days. Friends told The Ottawa Sun that he was dead six days before he was discovered.

Foul play is not suspected and his death appears to be an isolated incident, White said. The FBIÂ’s Joint Terrorism Task Force is assisting in the investigation but FBI spokeswoman Kathy Wright said the incident has no apparent connection to terrorism.

Alarmingly, however, the man was found amidst paraphenalia indicating he may be a Canadian extremist -- including Bryan Adams concert t-shirts and a copy of the "Canadian extremist training video" Teen Wolf, starring Michael J. "The Engineer" Fox.

A note beside his bed stated "There is no god but Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier is his wingman."

Nothing to see here folks. Happens every day.

Thanks to Rocket's Brain Trust.

Posted by: Ace at 09:37 PM | Comments (122)
Post contains 378 words, total size 2 kb.

These guys group up outside of Home Depot waiting to be picked up by illegal immigrant employers day laborer employers.

So, the city has decided that not only do they apparently have the right to illegally loiter on someone else's property advertising their illegal trade, but that the property-owner in question must set aside some of his property and provide shelter, bathrooms, and water to people that have nothing at all to do with them. (And who, let's face it, they'd rather not have hanging around their businesses at all.)

This is, I hope, an instant lawsuit. If the city wants to facilitate illegal day labor, fine, that's their business, but it's a public service -- to be paid for by public funds. The city has no right to simply begin passing laws requiring private citizens and businesses to pick up the costs of their own public services scheme.

Hey, how about for a next step the LA City Council votes that McDonald's and Wendy's have to build, maintain, and operate its rinky dink subway system?

Why not? Illegal immigrants Day laborers need public transportation more than most, and hell, McDonald's and Wendy's have the money, right?

Coming soon: Parking lot operators must provide condoms, spermicide, and an on-call gynecologist for the hookers that walk the streets within one blocks of their lots.

Posted by: Ace at 08:07 PM | Comments (72)
Post contains 283 words, total size 2 kb.