A man's got to know his limitations, or so the quote goes. None of you do though, so if you're in the mood to make picks and talk shit, I've set up an NFL Pick Em league for AoS readers.

At least I think I have.

Go here and select Join A Group, then select Join A Private Group.

The group ID is 22406 and the password is a well known man who's on an integrity kick, a man who is very concerned that the guys get shirts. 8 characters firstnamelastname, no space in between, no preceeding "Mr."

"Mr." is just implicit, ok? Do you understand where I'm coming from with integrity?

Picks are against the spread, cut off time is 5 minutes before Game 1 (which is Thursday, Sept. 4, Giants vs. Redskins). Remember if you miss the cutoff for the first game, you're screwed for the rest of that week's picks. Yahoo limits the size of the group to 50, so first to sign up are first to play. I think we had 3 groups last year, but the other two were full of cheats and ne'erdowells.

If you have any questions I can actually answer, email me at gooberintexas -at- gmail -dot- com. Helpful answers are a nickel, stupid answers are free.

Just like always.

UPDATE: My how time flies. Back in the mists of antiquity, ace riffed on a certain recording of a certain celebrity ripping new assholes into his band members, for a variety of transgressions. You can find the link to this classic audio in the right margin, scroll down below FAQs. Even if you don't read all the other posts, listen to the audio (look for audio link in this post). Believe me, it's worth it.

Or you can just email me. I've answered several this am, and I put you some fuckin knowledge in here.

UPDATE2: Ok, that group is full. I set up a second one for the cheats and ne'erdowells. Group id is 23291, same password.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at 07:47 PM | Comments (23)
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Robert Scheer, better known as the super-genius mega-brained crimefighter "Dr. Cranium," has put it all together:

Is it possible that this time the October surprise was tried in August, and that the garbage issue of brave little Georgia struggling for its survival from the grasp of the Russian bear was stoked to influence the U.S. presidential election?

Before you dismiss that possibility, consider the role of one Randy Scheunemann, for four years a paid lobbyist for the Georgian government, ending his official lobbying connection only in March, months after he became Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain's senior foreign policy adviser.

Previously, Scheunemann was best known as one of the neoconservatives who engineered the war in Iraq when he was a director of the Project for a New American Century. It was Scheunemann who, after working on the McCain 2000 presidential campaign, headed the Committee for the Liberation of Iraq, which championed the U.S. Iraq invasion.

There are telltale signs that he played a similar role in the recent Georgia flare-up. How else to explain the folly of his close friend and former employer, Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili, in ordering an invasion of the breakaway region of South Ossetia, which clearly was expected to produce a Russian counter-reaction. It is inconceivable that Saakashvili would have triggered this dangerous escalation without some assurance from influential Americans he trusted, like Scheunemann, that the United States would have his back. Scheunemann long guided McCain in these matters, even before he was officially running foreign policy for McCain's presidential campaign.

Scheunemann is at the center of the neoconservative cabal that has come to dominate the Republican candidate's foreign policy stance in a replay of the run-up to the war against Iraq. These folks are always looking for a foreign enemy on which to base a new Cold War, and with the collapse of Saddam Hussein's regime, it was Putin's Russia that came increasingly to fit the bill.

What? Russia is a convenient patsy for an enemy in our new Cold War?

Um... who the fuck was the enemy in the old Cold War? Fucking Trinidad-Tobago?

Rather than suggesting we're seeking out a "new" enemy in a "new" Cold War, wouldn't it be rather more sensible to suggest that perhaps the last one didn't quite end, but merely receded for 10 years?

Incidentally -- the left has been screaming that with the end of the Cold War, we cringey/stupid conservatives have been all out of sorts without an enemy, and so we made the Islamofascists, Al Qaeda, and Saddam our "new Soviet Union," just to sublimate all that repressed homosexual energy we have into some more constructive destructive channel.

Now this silly-ass sucker of cock is claiming that we made Saddam the New Russia to avoid poking each other in the squeakhole, and now that Saddam is gone, we're making Russia the New Saddam. What?

Yes, it sounds diabolical, but that may be the most accurate way to assess the designs of the McCain campaign in matters of war and peace.

Or not.

There is every indication that the candidate's demonization of Putin is an even grander plan than the previous use of Hussein to fuel American militarism with the fearsome enemy that it desperately needs.

"Demonization of Putin"? You mean the guy murdering journalists by the dozen? The guy who kills dissidents in London? The guy shelling civilian cities?

We're "demonizing" him?

And -- I'm sorry, again I have to say you already played this "create a new enemy card" in claiming we were "demonizing Al Qaeda and Saddam "Sovereign State" Hussein. Does the tired cant ever get refreshed or reworked?

Finally, Sucker of Cock, we actually already have all the fearsome enemies we could want right now.

How fucking absurd do you have to be that with Iran about to get the bomb, North Korea building bombs, and Al Qaeda still trying to buy one from either of the forgoing (or even the "demonized" Russia!), we're out here craving a fearsome enemy?

...

Instead of quoting, let me digest the tired cant: Obama is offering a "measured" and nuanced response by confirming Russia's expansion of empire; the US spends more on the military than any other nation.

Since we're just chucking out leftoid Fun Facts helter-skelter, let's just throw in George Washington used to grow hemp on his farm, didjaknowthatdidjaknowthat?! while we're fucking at it.

Hmmm... Russian tanks roll into Georgia, Josef Stalin's home country, taking over a peaceful democratic Eastern European country, with a murderous and expansionist dictator at the cockpit.

Gee, I must be some sort of crazy person to have thought of the "old" Soviet Union and Joseph Stalin

McCain has condemned a "revanchist Russia" that should once again be contained. Although Putin has been the enormously popular elected leader of post-Communist Russia, it is assumed that imperialism is always lurking, not only in his DNA but in that of the Russian people.

How convenient to forget that Stalin was a Georgian...

Um, I didn't. No one did.

Remembering Joseph Stalin was a Georgian is not a difficult trick, Dr. Cranium.

... and indeed if Russian troops had occupied the threatened Georgian town of Gori, they would have found a museum still honoring their local boy, who made good by seizing control of the Russian revolution. Indeed five Russian bombs were allegedly dropped on Gori's Stalin Square on Tuesday.

I'm sorry-- I thought you were writing a column, not rattling off irrelevancies. But since we're doing that now, I like strawberries but their texture reminds me of armpit-bumps after a girl shaves. Ugh.

Your turn.

Is this sucker of cock claiming that the presence of a Joe Stalin exhibit in a museum establishes Russia's legal right to conquest? That his wax figurine serves as a flag demarcating legally-annexable Russian territory?

It should also be mentioned that the post-Communist Georgians have imperial designs on South Ossetia and Abkhaza...

Georgia has imperial designs on Georgia itself. Who knew.

In related news, George Bush dreamed covetously of conquering the Free City of Boise, Idaho, and from that staging area, going on to capture the fractious Bandit Empires of Wyoming and Nebraska...

Listen to him spit out "post-communist" like an insult. Read "splitter," "traitor," "quitter."

For McCain to so fervently embrace Scheunemann's neoconservative line of demonizing Russia in the interest of appearing tough during an election is a reminder that a senator can be old and yet wildly irresponsible.

Let's be clear about what this sucker of cock just said: It is wrong for Georgia to expect that it can govern Georgian lands without risking a Soviet, ahem, Russian invasion; that to expect its own country to be free of foreign armies' interference is, I shit you not, an "imperial design."

Once a lefty Stalinist toe-sucker, always a lefty Stalinist toe-sucker. Russia's not the one with imperial designs here; oh dear me, perish the thought! Sure, their armies are rolling into another sovereign country, but it's the latter country that actually has "imperial designs" on keeping its own fucking territory.

According to Dr. Cranium and his ilk, Russia never invades or conquers other countries for sport and empire. Oh my, no.

But it does maintain of list of countries it might have to liberate with truth and tanks (but mostly tanks) and reserves the right to do so at times of its convenience.

Yeah, About That:

Haven't these dipshits spent the last 2 years or so talking about how much of a despicable thug Putin is and how stupid Bush has been to being suckered in by this evil man. Now he's being "demonized"?

Indeed. Scheer wants a re-do on the whole "look into the soul" thing. Now he thinks Bush had it exactly right.

That's from buzzion.

A Double-Helping of Retard:

Meanwhile, McCain himself was sent out to pose in front of working oil rigs, to testify to his thirst for pulling more black gold from the earth. The message couldn't be plainer: See that itty-bitty, little tire gauge? If you vote for Obama, that's how big your penis is. If you vote for McCain, on the other hand, your penis is as big as this rig, thrusting its gigantic shaft in and out of the ground! Real men think keeping your tires inflated is for weenies.

There may not be a sign tacked to a bulletin board at McCain headquarters reading, "It's the sexual insecurity, stupid," but McCain's team of operatives, many schooled at Karl Rove's knee, know just what to do when an opportunity presents itself. They've been playing this tune for so long, they don't need to look at the sheet music: Our guy is a real man, their guy is a sissy, rinse, repeat.

...

But mostly, it's Republicans who have been expert at setting up their rigs to drill deep into the male voter's lizard brain, down to where sexual insecurity resides. This is where they draw the line connecting the voter's own worries to the Democratic candidate. This is how they turn fear into contempt and hostility, the same psychological move that makes some men react to an advance from another man – or even the sight of an effeminate man – with hatred and violence. See that Democrat over there? He's a little prissy, isn't he? Kind of girly. And if you vote for him, what are people going to think about you?

The guy is claiming we're the ones hung up on sexual insecurity, but meanwhile he's the one who can't walk three steps without tripping over an imaginary cock, and and can't help fretting about straight men's reactions if he grabs their balls.

Projection -- it's not just a river in Egypt.

I got it from Hot Air so you can go over there to read the rest of this subatomic psychokinetic fissionist's musings on why you should let him just cup your jock-knockers, just to see how you like it.

Like, just for a second, really. He won't tell.

And if you don't want him to touch you in your no-no special place -- well, that must mean you have "imperial designs" on your own dick.

It's Not Stupid Until It's Certified as Olbermann-Stupid: And now it has been -- the Georgia Truth theory thing, I mean, not wanting to tickle your trouser-tits.

Thanks to eddiebear.

Posted by: Ace at 06:25 PM | Comments (78)
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And his dead body will be revealed on Friday, yo!

Bigfoot, 1941-2008. He is survived by his wife,
Mavis, and his children, Bethany and "Little Bigs" Bigfoot Jr.

Bigfoot is believe to have died of AIDS-related pneumonia. And also, mange.

Two Northern California men and two Georgians say they've got a body, a photo and DNA evidence pertaining to the elusive forest-dwelling man-ape — and that they'll reveal all at a press conference in Palo Alto, Calif., on Friday.

...

Matthew Whitton, a cop in Clayton County, Ga., and his friend Rick Dyer, a former corrections officer, say they recently found the body in the woods of northern Georgia.

Apparently he moved from Northern California to Georgia when he was relocated in his job at Northrup-Grumman.

They come in threes. The Chupacabra, Bigfoot... who's next?

Posted by: Ace at 05:39 PM | Comments (75)
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It's no surprise that that senile, craggy-assed imbecile Ed Asner is part of this.

But Lincoln Chafee? Good Lord, we didn't know how bad he was. It's not clear that he's a Truther, but apparently he's been, um, tapped to serve on an "investigative panel" with subpoena power which will question the "official story" of 9/11. And the whole project is by 911truth.org.

Clarification: I clarified based on a reader's objection that it's not clear what Lincoln Chafee's exact role is here. Perhaps he's doing this as, I don't know, a non-Truther who can get the Truthers to accept reality. But he'll have to explain himself as to why he would associate himself and his name with such a farcical project.

Among the “Top 40” reasons the group gives to doubt the official story of 9/11, from their website:

* "Al-CIA-da?" The longstanding relationship between US intelligence networks and radical Islamists.

* Flight 93. Did the Shanksville crash occur at 10:06 (according to a seismic report) or 10:03 (according to the 9/11 Commission)? Does the Commission wish to hide what happened in the last three minutes of the flight, and if so, why?

* Pentagon Strike. How was it possible the Pentagon was hit 1 hour and 20 minutes after the attacks began? Why was there no response from Andrews Air Force Base, just 10 miles away.

Theory: Fundamentally incompetent people have no idea what the upper limits of human competency could possibly be -- it's like children who believe in Santa Claus (why couldn't he do all that in one night?) or who think we'll have flyin' cars by the time they're adults (god-DAMN-it) -- so they're always receptive audiences for conspiracy theories postulating the a conspiracy of tens of thousands of people working in perfect concert with split-second-timing.

Thanks to TopSecretK9.

"Dr." Jerome Corsi, Truther?: Yeah, the Corsi who wrote Obama Nation and had something to do with an earlier book about Kerry and the Swift Vote Vets. I understand he's an asshole in the first place anyhow.

So, here is Corsi on the Alex "Prison Planet" Jones show. 1, he's wrong, 2, he's citing a Twoofer "scientist" about this. Although he doesn't commit himself to full-on Trutherism, he does claim this bit of nonsense "rattles the cage" as to his belief in the "official theory" of 9/11, and doesn't object in the least when Jones characterizes him as "conservative" doubter in that very maligned "official (cover) story."

Buyer beware.

Via Screw Loose Change.

Posted by: Ace at 03:45 PM | Comments (63)
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It even has a "set to stun" sort of mode, allowing its gunners to decide whether to wipe a vehicle out, or merely melt its tires, or somewhere in between.

Artist's conception of the precise timing and vectors
of the back-to-back orgasms I just had.

Problems with "plausible deniability:"

1) When trucks and people start melting for no apparent reason, people are going to probably suspect a laser.

2) If you intend the weapon to give you plausible deniability for secret laser blasts, you probably shouldn't announce, "Hey, check this cool shit out! We have an invisible high-powered laser letting us melt a bitch with plausible deniability!"

That said, it's awesome. The ability to fly a plane into an enemy's airspace and simply begin vaporizing all the thugs and clerics and other assorted assholes who are causing all the problems in the first place will be... quite special, when it arrives. The real super weapon would be some kind of airborne Stroke Gun or Seizure Cannon that somehow fries brain-circuitry in a non-obvious way.

Thanks to DrewM.

Posted by: Ace at 01:56 PM | Comments (63)
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Bill Kristol's scoop. On Fox now.

"Not an absolute done deal," but "these people [his Democratic sources] are pretty confident."

Spokeswoman Strongly Denies: Not sure how much credence to give that. The spokeswoman may not have been told Powell has changed his mind -- deliberately not told, so she's not lying when she strongly denies it.

Now over at Hot Air too, Colin Powell denies in a non-denial fashion: "I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol's musings." He only says he won't attend the convention, but ends the interview before answering further questions.

He doesn't have time? Why? What's he doing that's so important?

Status: Confirmed, at least in part. He will endorse Obama.

Exit question: How psyched are the Democrats to have the endorsement of a guy who "lied us into Iraq" and "twisted the intelligence" and all that good stuff?

Pretty darned psyched, I imagine.

I guess it's time for me to release the hundreds of photos I've collected for just this occasion showing Colin Powell within three meters of young white women.

And they said my hobby was insane. Insane?! Who's insane now?!

Muhahahahaha.

Posted by: Ace at 01:18 PM | Comments (89)
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Also, "heightened security" measures for Poland and the Baltic States.

You can't say that's not tough... but I am beginning to wonder about the incredible commitments to fight a nuclear war with Russia over these former enslaved states.

As a neocon, I recognize this is the moral position.

As a realist, I also recognize we're talking about global war with Russia over countries not named "America."

"Global Citizen?" A gay-sounding dude (hey, I'm sorry, he sounded like Paul Lynde in Bewitched) asked McCain if he, like Barack Obama, considered himself a "citizen of the world."

McCain stated he had the honor to serve his country and then said something or other about working with other countries. He didn't say "No," but basically it was a "no." He finished off by stressing that the US was an indisputable leader of the world and a "beacon of hope." The implication being that the leader of the US should lead the US, and not seek to be "president of the world," and by properly leading the US he'll do the world a good enough turn.

Posted by: Ace at 12:30 PM | Comments (75)
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That last bit is bold, and as most shows of boldness are, pretty dangerous.

They used to say that the US troops in Germany couldn't stand up to a concerted Soviet attack; there were too few and they couldn't be reinforced in time. (Subsequent events seem to show US troops and airpower probably could have stopped the Soviets cold, but no matter for this point.) The troops were there, it was said, as a "tripwire force," a legion which couldn't hold but which the Soviets knew could also not be attacked without inviting full-scale world war, most likely of the nuclear sort.

I don't know if that's Bush's thinking here, but it seems that the presence of US troops could dissuade the Russians from further mass-murder... or else wind up in a much bigger war than Putin anticipated.

Condi Rice is traveling to Tblisi to demonstrate the country's support of Georgia and the Georgian government. She also insults and threatens Russia (Group of 8, Olympics, etc.) in some undiplomatically blunt language:

"It's very clear to me that the consequences of that which are already quite significant because of the way Russia has brutally pushed this military operation well beyond the bounds of anything that might have related to South Ossetia calls into question Russia's suitability for all kinds of activities that it has said it wants to be a part of. We'll get to that matter in due course."

"Bombing civilian targets... These are hardly moves that are related to South Ossetia."

Russia has, by the way, threatened to stop "helping" us with Iran unless we back their Georgian adventure.

You know, all that "help" they're providing, like building Iran all its fucking breeder nuclear reactors.

Heh: A Russian journalist/KGB stooge for Putin is now telling Condi Rice today is a "day of national mourning in Russia" due to losses in South Ossetia caused "by the Georgians." He wants her to "acknowledge" this. "We all know what the Georgians did."

Now asking if the US warned Georgia not to provoke Russia, or "if they did their own thing."

Trust me, this is fucking funnier in this guy's accent.

Her answer: "What would be very useful right now, and is absolutely necessary at this point, and indeed the US insists, that Russia live up to the obligations it undertook just 24 hours ago."

KGB stooge now saying that after 9/11 the US took "disproportionate action" and wants to know why the Russians can't too. They're just creating a "buffer zone," you know. What is is all de static, Sexy Lady? Why do you not wish to swing with us?

Again: The accent. And the stupid fucking Boris and Natasha robotic talking points.

Her response is very tough indeed:

"This is not 1968. And the invasion of Czechoslovakia, where Russia can threaten a neighbor, occupy a capital, and overthrow a government, and get away with it. Things have changed."

Shepard Smith, Fuck You: "In the big picture, [Condi's statement about further isolation] plays into Vladimir Putin's wants and needs."

I hate this fucking mancunt. Tell me, is there anyone in the liberal MSM who's as in-your-face with his liberal talking points than Shepard Smith? Maybe David Shuster and a few other.

Actually... Now that I think about it... I was heartened by Condi's toughness here, but now I'm worried: Has she been so tough-talking that Putin can't back down anymore?

I knock diplomacy all the time but if a situation can be negotiated, great. I'm worried now that this overly-assertive tough talk actually may be used as Putin as a pretext for refusal to stop driving to swallow up Georgia.

If talk like this was necessary... man, keep it private. She just fucking called Vladimir Putin out.

Perhaps the private talk wasn't working, and it was clear that Russia intended a full coup and recapture of the country of Georgia, and this dictated the toughness here.

Maybe.

But if I'm going to be a cynic... Condi Rice's statement has all but guaranteed Russia will not permit US troops safe passage via sea, air, and land as she demanded.

The super-cynical view is that Bush made this demand in language calculated to provoke a refusal in order to make a show of his determination to insert troops into Georgia, while actually not wanting to do that at all. Getting credit for "trying" to help the Georgians with military-provided humanitarian aid, while making sure no US troops were actually in the difficult position as tripwires for a spiraling full-on Russia-US confrontation.

Posted by: Ace at 11:13 AM | Comments (147)
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It's postponed until Hobo One can make it. Sorry.

Posted by: Open Blog at 09:53 AM | Comments (5)
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As you probably know, the federal moratorium on offshore drilling and oil-shale recovery ends -- expires naturally, with no action necessary -- Oct. 1. (Note that ANWR is covered by a separate measure.)

The Democrats wish to extend it, but they can't. It's unlikely they have a majority of votes for that, and even if they do Republican Senators will filibuster any new moratorium.

So, to avoid an actual vote on the moratorium itself, Democrats will attempt adding it to continuing-resolution bills which fund the government. Such CRs are necessary because the Democrats, of course, have failed to pass most funding bills.

So we need Bush to veto any CR that contains such a renewal of the oil-drilling ban and risk and probably invite a government shut-down to finally be rid of this stupidity.

Whether Bush will do so is doubtful. Congressional Republicans are urging him to do this, but he is managing two and a half wars.

Dick Morris stated on Fox that he's sure that, unlike the 1995 shut-down for which Gingrich and the Republicans got most of the blame and public ire, the public will blame the Democrats this time around, understanding that it's the Democrats forcing this by insisting on placing an unrelated (and wildly unpopular) measure into a simple CR.

I think he's right, but I don't know if Bush has the stones.

Bob Corker Defends His "Gang of Ten" Compromise to Instapundit: Worth reading, but the Gang of Ten compromise keeps all Pacific drilling off-the-table, and as I understand the matter, not only is that a lot of oil, but it could begin producing oil within the year. I may be wrong, but I believe many productive ocean wells were capped by the moratorium -- meaning that opening the Pacific again to drilling doesn't involve years and years of exploration and development, but simply bringing formerly productive wells back on line.

Corker may think he's gotten a lot in exchange for this enormous compromise, but I think he's given away far too much. It's bad enough that the huge reserves of ANWR remain off the table; now we're going to permanently declare most of the Pacific off-limits as well?

Also note that what Corker claims are political victories will likely result in political defeats. It's nice that his compromise gets support for coal-to-oil, but that could take years and years to mature as viable technology. And those nuke plants he says he's gotten support for will take at least ten years to come on line. At the very least.

So if the Republicans allow themselves to be rolled here, what is the likely effect? Oil prices will not come down or will come down by only a bit, thus, in the public's mind, confirming Pelosi's, Kerry's, and Obama's claim that we can't drill our way out of this and so it's futile to try.

For drilling to work -- both politically and as a working policy that the public actually supports -- we need there to be some amount of near-term impact. Corker's compromise almost guarantees we'll have no near-term impact, and thus would destroy any public support for expanded drilling altogether.

Sometimes compromise is the worst of all possible options. Corker is proposing we do just enough to make the public believe the Republicans have gotten their way on drilling, while not actually giving the Republicans their way. Net result: We "own" the compromise here, but the compromise itself does not result in much in the way of positive, measurable near-term results. So we get the triple whammy of 1) not delivering on public hopes for reduced oil prices thus 2) being proved wrong with Nancy Pelosi being proved right while 3) Republcians get all the blame for further destroying our precious environment and unbalancing our delicate ecosystems for no tangible return.

Nancy Pelosi has hedged on whether she'll permit a vote on expanded drilling. This indicates that the GOP's hand is strong (as if the polls weren't confirmation enough) and we should be pressing for a maximalist approach, not the minimalist approach Corker is championing.

Furthermore, Pelosi's claim to be "open-minded" on drilling is of course a lie. If she permitted a vote at all, it would be only a window-dressing concession to the public's demand for more drilling; the only bill she would permit would be very heavy on speculative alternate fuel developments and very light on actual new current fuel development.

In other words, Pelosi's bullshit-let's-pretend-we're-allowing-drilling would look an awful lot like Corker's compromise.

Corker is declaring defeat, and permitting the political enemy here to set the terms of peace on terms very favorable to the enemy, far too early. He may honestly believe he's not giving Obama and Pelosi a life-line, but he's wrong. He's allowing them to escape making a difficult political choice for no good reason, giving us very little in return. We're paying for the dubious privilege of bailing the Democrats out on oil.

It's bad politics, and it's bad policy.

When even the goddamned Washington Post editorial board is calling the Democrats' arguments against expanded drilling "snake oil" and debunking them in no uncertain terms, it's time to recognize that this is an issue we can win on -- both politically and in terms of advancing sound national policy -- and that we should not be offering the Democrats 80% of what they want while only getting 20% of what we want.

Offer them a compromise, sure-- but with those percentages reversed.

This isn't just about politics. It's about undoing an insane and crippling policy that constitutes a clear and present danger in both the economic and national security/military spheres.

inks via Instapundit.

Posted by: Ace at 09:39 AM | Comments (61)
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