December 17, 2009
— Ace
Thanks to Guy Fawkes for putting me some information.
Oh: That headline is of course the name of Chazz Michael Michaels' book of poetry, as mentioned in Blades of Glory.
More: Waterhouse:
I'd like to thank Al for opening up a whole new field of poetry, namely incoherent bullet points cribbed off a boring Powerpoint slide.Implemented barcode check for SMT
98.6% throughput
Fallout pareto on next slide
Blazer--
Maybe his pen name can be Gaia Angelou.
somegoodman--
I liked Khan's version of this poem better:I shall leave you
As you left me
Marooned
For all eternity
On a dead planet!Buried alive...
Dramatic reading by Moe Lane, with annoying poet-flute:
More:
"Balls on Ice" by Al GoreDipping time comes each night
Tipper shaves with incisors white
Arctic glacier fills the bowl
Harvard marks the waiting towel
Down they go left and right
Webcam notes the dousing sight
Yes! I bark and wail
Gleaming jewels fill the pail
As I roar with head thrown back
Joules of joy fill my sack
Thanks for all the fish.
Posted by: Ace at
05:10 PM
| Comments (182)
Post contains 196 words, total size 2 kb.
Posted by: ace at December 17, 2009 05:12 PM (/4E2O)
The passion! The eloquence!
Shit. I just threw up all over my computer.
Global warming?
That piece of shit would rival a super massive black hole for sucking!
We're lucky to still be alive.
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 17, 2009 05:15 PM (r1h5M)
Posted by: t-bone at December 17, 2009 05:17 PM (Xpxvu)
He cracks me up how he gets so into the delivery. You would need someone with their brain removed to be able to tell what it means.
He'll get a grammy for this, no doubt.
Sheesh!
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 17, 2009 05:17 PM (r1h5M)
Posted by: CoolCzech at December 17, 2009 05:18 PM (QECjC)
Posted by: The Chicken at December 17, 2009 05:20 PM (wGIVf)
Posted by: myrenovations at December 17, 2009 05:21 PM (IFiVn)
Posted by: Vet Missing Parts at December 17, 2009 05:23 PM (MCHyX)
Posted by: The Chicken at December 17, 2009 09:20 PM (wGIVf)
By the way you moved your eyebrows, Chicken, I can only believe you mean one thing.
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 17, 2009 05:23 PM (r1h5M)
Posted by: Waterhouse at December 17, 2009 05:24 PM (my4+7)
Posted by: garrett at December 17, 2009 05:24 PM (5fSFi)
Is it me, or did it look like Harry pitched a tent in his Haggar's after Al read that poem to him?
Posted by: Blazer at December 17, 2009 05:26 PM (+FzLa)
Posted by: t-bone at December 17, 2009 05:26 PM (Xpxvu)
This man should be isolated. It might help with his poetry.
Posted by: Emily Dickinson at December 17, 2009 05:28 PM (cSlAY)
Posted by: ManBearPig at December 17, 2009 05:28 PM (a+egP)
Yep. All that is missing is some scroddy hippie chick with hairy legs and a spaced out long hair tapping on a lone bongo and the scene would be complete.
Art at its finest! (aaarkkk)
Shit! Not again!
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 17, 2009 05:28 PM (r1h5M)
Posted by: GarandFan at December 17, 2009 05:29 PM (ZQBnQ)
Implemented barcode check for SMT
98.6% throughput
Fallout pareto on next slide
<snap snap snap>
Posted by: Waterhouse at December 17, 2009 05:29 PM (my4+7)
Posted by: railwriter at December 17, 2009 05:30 PM (daRzV)
Posted by: Al Gore's Gigantic Colon becuse he's so full of shit at December 17, 2009 05:30 PM (/cfp9)
Posted by: MPFS, Holiday Fish Stick at December 17, 2009 05:31 PM (PBGAP)
Heh. The video has a two star rating.
Apparently those who voted two stars instead of one are the same folks who drink their own urine.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 17, 2009 05:31 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: somegoodman at December 17, 2009 05:32 PM (a+egP)
Posted by: mystry at December 17, 2009 05:32 PM (kmgIE)
Posted by: Al Gore at December 17, 2009 05:33 PM (vyRPu)
When Al Gore dies the autopsy will reveal that he has fifty pounds of impacted shit in his bowels.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 17, 2009 05:33 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: red speck at December 17, 2009 05:34 PM (/vfpn)
Posted by: RobD at December 17, 2009 05:35 PM (wGIVf)
Just a hair shy of being our president eight years ago
I vividly remember in the weeks after 9/11 the many, many people I heard say, "Thank God Al Gore isn't president!"
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 17, 2009 05:36 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: t-bone at December 17, 2009 05:36 PM (Xpxvu)
Posted by: Posted by at December 17, 2009 05:36 PM (bLZ8Q)
Posted by: MPFS, Holiday Fish Stick at December 17, 2009 05:36 PM (PBGAP)
Posted by: Dave in Singapore at December 17, 2009 05:37 PM (pcJe3)
Posted by: ohio Dan at December 17, 2009 05:38 PM (RQ+qN)
Posted by: Melvin Winter at December 17, 2009 05:39 PM (uk5lh)
The tragic part of the whole thing is that the announcer is talking like he is giving all he has to convince people that he's not an idiot. You can all most sense the desperation in his voice, "I've got to come off as profound."
In the end... utter failure.
Sniff. Does anyone have a hanky?
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 17, 2009 05:39 PM (r1h5M)
it is around the rosey
The pocket
it has posies
Ashes, Ashes!
The Shepard falls down.
- a poem by Al Gore
Posted by: Guy Fawkes at December 17, 2009 05:40 PM (DIYmd)
Posted by: somegoodman at December 17, 2009 05:41 PM (a+egP)
Posted by: Joe Mentum at December 17, 2009 05:41 PM (NPtVh)
Posted by: 48%er at December 17, 2009 05:41 PM (QOE7k)
Posted by: Joe Mentum at December 17, 2009 05:42 PM (NPtVh)
Posted by: Algore, World Renowned Expert on Everything Sciency at December 17, 2009 05:42 PM (QKKT0)
C-I-L-L
Kill my landlord.
See, I like this. When I see a reference to this, I know the person making it is roughly my age.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 17, 2009 05:42 PM (P33XN)
I'd like to amend that...Harry Smith first, so that Fred Barnes can land on top of him. Jackass.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at December 17, 2009 05:44 PM (+SVrL)
Posted by: somegoodman at December 17, 2009 05:46 PM (a+egP)
Posted by: Vet Missing Parts at December 17, 2009 05:46 PM (MCHyX)
dust to dust
if it wasn't for
your pooper...
your belly would
bust
A poem by Albert Gore
Posted by: MPFS, Holiday Fish Stick at December 17, 2009 05:47 PM (PBGAP)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 17, 2009 05:48 PM (9Lm5R)
Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at December 17, 2009 05:49 PM (6fZqs)
Posted by: Bill R. at December 17, 2009 05:49 PM (EhlQq)
Posted by: steevy at December 17, 2009 05:50 PM (hi51B)
Al Gore is a ten-year old.
Posted by: Joe Mentum at December 17, 2009 05:51 PM (NPtVh)
Posted by: Reiver at December 17, 2009 05:52 PM (0aNiu)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at December 17, 2009 05:54 PM (2GFP3)
Posted by: railwriter at December 17, 2009 05:57 PM (daRzV)
You know. Sometime in the future, obviously in the steaming remnant of the planet we destroyed by ... well... breathing, someone will study this time and they will see our leaders - people we chose voluntarily - like Reid, Pelosi, Boxer, Waxman, Schumer, Obama, Gore, Kerry, Waters, Al effing Franken for crying out loud, and they will conclude that we were a society of idiots. We'll be considered evolutionary anomolies, like hobbits or something, who died out because we were too stupid to survive.
Hell the way things are going, they'll be right.
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 17, 2009 05:59 PM (r1h5M)
Posted by: Pissed Off Old Hippie Vet at December 17, 2009 05:59 PM (3IZGh)
Posted by: ManBearPig at December 17, 2009 05:59 PM (a+egP)
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee
That mordiously hath bitled out
Its earted jurtles
Into a rancid festering [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
And living glupules frart and slipulate
Like jowling meated liverslime
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don't.
Posted by: Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz at December 17, 2009 06:01 PM (Uc/xV)
The Texas Tea Party is already urging a nullification session for everything these doofuses want to do. If other states take up the same strategy, it'll be interesting to see what our overlords do. There's already a strong call in Virginia to ask our incoming Repub gov. to affirm sovreignty, esp. where Obamacare is concerned. (The rest of the blog is pretty interesting, too.)
Posted by: RushBabe at December 17, 2009 06:01 PM (LKkE8)
Please tune in tomorrow night to "Bad Red Chinese Ballet" when Al Gore will perform his exquisitely awful "Swim of the Polar Bear". A piece that really bits the big one.
Posted by: Leonard Pinth-Garnell at December 17, 2009 06:03 PM (qZb8X)
Posted by: beedubya at December 17, 2009 06:05 PM (AnTyA)
It's ridiculous. The temperature in North Pole, AK is -9F right now, with a light snow (feels like -20F). The estimated low temperature for tonight will be -21F. Last I heard, ice melts at temperatures above 32F.
North Pole, AK is near Fairbanks, which is nearly 2,000 miles south of the true magnetic North Pole. 2,000 miles! That is roughly the same distance between Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and Bangor, ME.
BTW, Gitmo is currently 76F while Bangor is currently 6F (feels like -11F). 70F difference between 2,000 spherical miles at less of an acute angle than what North Pole, AK is to the magnetic North Pole.
See? I can be sciency too.
Posted by: RTH615 at December 17, 2009 06:05 PM (Rytlc)
NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
Posted by: G$ at December 17, 2009 06:07 PM (nEatY)
Posted by: Chris Matthews at December 17, 2009 06:11 PM (qZb8X)
Posted by: Harry Smith at December 17, 2009 06:13 PM (AnTyA)
Posted by: Sting at December 17, 2009 06:14 PM (a+egP)
Posted by: Harry Smith at December 17, 2009 06:14 PM (AnTyA)
Check out Harry as he crosses his finger thoughtfully over his lip and then thanks Al in the softest, most deeply contemplative NPR voice he can muster.
There's something deeply wrong with Al Gore.
I wrote some shitty poetry once, too. I was 15. And I'd be horrified if someone ever dug it up and put it in front of me.
Gore is not only NOT embarrassed of this drivel, he's proud and eager to read it.
Posted by: Warden at December 17, 2009 06:31 PM (QoR4a)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 06:33 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Aaron at December 17, 2009 06:33 PM (pVvKc)
Posted by: Barry Obama at December 17, 2009 06:35 PM (CDBJ9)
If you look closely, it's snowing in the background.
I swear Tipper encourages him to do this stuff to get him out of the house. That's why some Scot's woman invented golf in the 17th century.
Posted by: Dagny at December 17, 2009 06:36 PM (RPEWI)
Posted by: Dagny at December 17, 2009 06:38 PM (RPEWI)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 06:38 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: eman at December 17, 2009 06:40 PM (yf/JJ)
Posted by: Dagny at December 17, 2009 06:40 PM (RPEWI)
a floating continent disappears
In midnight sun
If youÂ’re going to leave the lights on all night
youÂ’ll have to buy some carbon credits
Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
NeptuneÂ’s bones dissolve
just like the other bones
in TipperÂ’s crawl space
Snow glides from the mountain
Ice fathers floods for a season
A hard rain comes quickly
Man, that Bill Ayers
sure can write
Then dirt is parched
Kindling is placed in the forest
For the lightningÂ’s celebration
Did I mention
I invented lightning?
Unknown creatures
Take their leave, unmourned
Horsemen ready their stirrups
Too bad we banned horses:
non-native species
Passion seeks heroes and friends
The bell of the city
On the hill is rung
But no one could hear
a bell made from hemp
The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools
That will be
$1.1 Trillion
Posted by: Noel at December 17, 2009 06:41 PM (Hh13R)
Posted by: Tantor at December 17, 2009 06:42 PM (Ek/Oc)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 06:42 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 06:45 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Percy Dovetonsils at December 17, 2009 06:45 PM (o6Rer)
Posted by: eman at December 17, 2009 06:46 PM (yf/JJ)
Posted by: Jack Kerouac at December 17, 2009 06:47 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Corona at December 17, 2009 06:49 PM (woZIc)
Posted by: Jack Kerouac at December 17, 2009 07:01 PM (AZGON)
polyps in my colon
darkness
light appears
colonscopy creeping
pinch! Ow!
gas
relief
Al Gore's Colon Poetry
Posted by: MPFS, Holiday Fish Stick at December 17, 2009 07:02 PM (PBGAP)
Let's recap the sequence of events, view the evidence and perform some scientific inquiry (Vulcan ears required):
1. Captain Kirk recites, on TV, some words from former Governor Palin's book, and perhaps with a bit of parody thrown in.
2. Former Governor Palin then appears and straightens Captain Kirk out
3. Both exit, to a mutual autograph signing.
4. Al Gore (according to previous posts) recites some of his poetry (no, I didn't listen; I have more sense than to fall fo this sort of link).
Question: Why? Logical inference: Competition.
5. No appearance by Former Governor Palin
Immediate logical conclusion: Al is a B+ male
6. Al is now in Dopenhagen, under 4" of snow (for the first time in how many years?).
Hypothesis: Dopenhagen is not the coldest place Al could be at this particular moment.
Question: What does Tipper look like these days?
Posted by: Arbalest at December 17, 2009 07:06 PM (SBkXU)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 07:07 PM (AZGON)
There once was a douchebag named Gore
The Great Virgin GaiaÂ’s head whore
He fed off her gasses
And swindled the masses
Now heÂ’s chilling up Hell to its core
Posted by: St. Agnostic at December 17, 2009 07:15 PM (gbCNS)
Posted by: The Drizzle at December 17, 2009 07:17 PM (5M2Wr)
Posted by: Spurwing Plover at December 17, 2009 07:18 PM (fdeME)
Posted by: schizuki at December 17, 2009 07:25 PM (gdjuF)
In a barren land
where the ground cracks
and no rain falls
Al Gore arrives
preaching uncontrolled warming
a blizzard soon follows
proving him wrong.
Posted by: The Drizzle at December 17, 2009 07:26 PM (5M2Wr)
Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at December 17, 2009 07:31 PM (dQdrY)
My writing skills surely are bad
And wanting in need of a fad
I look to Al Gore
Who could teach me much more
If my goal is to really look sad
Posted by: St. Agnostic at December 17, 2009 07:34 PM (gbCNS)
Check out this awesome animation of the eta-model forecast of snow accumulations for the upcoming Mid-Atlantic/Northeast blizzard.
20+ inches in DC? why that's just enough to cover Planet Gore's beer gut!
http://tinyurl.com/yb77tfc
Stay turgid, Morons
Posted by: SnakePlizzken at December 17, 2009 07:34 PM (ZHt9g)
Posted by: Corpulent sweaty sensitive Al at December 17, 2009 07:35 PM (tm15w)
A hanging chad disappears
Neptune's bones dissolve
Brooks Brothers ready their non-iron shirts
Unknown creatures--lawyers--
Slouch toward Broward County
The SCOFLA cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
You stupid black-robed fools
Damn...I could have been President
Missed it by that much
Posted by: Algore at December 17, 2009 07:36 PM (GGulh)
Posted by: Wm T Sherman at December 17, 2009 07:36 PM (tm15w)
Wafts upwards.
I took a shower.
I brushed my teeth.
It seems to come
Every time I speak
My love for Gaia
And greasy food.
What is this smell
That I exude?
A voice erupts,
Shouts from the crowd,
"Al Gore, Jr....you're full of shit!"
Posted by: devilish at December 17, 2009 07:46 PM (vyRPu)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 07:46 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: George Orwell at December 17, 2009 07:48 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Crusty at December 17, 2009 07:56 PM (qzgbP)
Upon hearing him read his poem a couple times I believe AlGore is on an acid trip, or channeling Jim Morrison, or channeling Jim Morrison on an acid trip, or on an acid trip channeling Jim Morrison on an acid trip ... or possessed by Tiny Tim.
THIS is supposedly who "Preppy" from "Love Story" was based on?
Posted by: drillanwr at December 17, 2009 08:11 PM (GkYyh)
Even sadder, I presume, some damn holier-than-you-guys rock band someplace is crafting a damn song with this shit as the lyrics, and the damn radio stations will play the unholy shit out of it.
Al, booby, you should call off any future TV appearances. And don't let the ClimateGate hit you in the fat ass on the way out.
Posted by: drillanwr at December 17, 2009 08:21 PM (GkYyh)
Al Gore, Genius (when grading on a curve):
Err, fever settles? Acid sea?
Are you attempting poetry?
Um... shepherds cry, SeptemberÂ’s thin...
Please let the nice man wipe your chin.
Well, I suppose it could be worse;
At least you babble in free verse,
Which is the best that one can do
When one confronts oneÂ’s low IQ.
And though itÂ’s grandiose and trite,
A thing a teenage girl might write,
Throne-sniffers in the leftish press
Will praise its genius nonetheless.
And no doubt, generations hence,
In dark and icy caves and tents,
Progressive teachers will insist
That your ironic point was missed.
Posted by: lyle at December 17, 2009 08:34 PM (ulSXV)
(Hey, nothing says he couldn't be a double laureate.....)
Posted by: bigpinkfluffybunny at December 17, 2009 08:37 PM (KWhJd)
Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 17, 2009 08:42 PM (muUqs)
Burgers, bacon, meat
This vegetarian's dream
I can have it all
Private jets I fly
I take the carbon credits
Of smallish nations
I can have it all
Hypocrite extraordinaire
I can have it all
Posted by: St. Agnostic at December 17, 2009 08:55 PM (gbCNS)
Posted by: PDizzle at December 17, 2009 09:12 PM (R0lVr)
While it's on my bookshelf I will admit to not having read it all the way through, first couple of pages. Hey, it was free!
Posted by: SJR2 at December 17, 2009 09:13 PM (oCbCP)
Posted by: eman at December 17, 2009 09:16 PM (yf/JJ)
Ishall leave you
As you left me
Marooned
For all eternity
On a dead planet!
Buried alive...
Burma Shave.
There - now it flows better.
Posted by: Bill H at December 17, 2009 09:18 PM (q8CmE)
"That your ironic point was missed."
IsnÂ’t it ironic? Posted by: Arbalest
Geezzy cripes alrighty! THAT's who Al's wandering mindless dribble reminds me of! Alanis Morissette! It's not about global warming and mass worldly destruction by invading CO2 armies. It's about some love affair gone bad in Albert's life and he's scribbled nasty thoughts of death on the dude's car with lipstick. He lost his ass in 2000 and the world has been ending ever since for Al.
Posted by: drillanwr at December 17, 2009 09:37 PM (GkYyh)
Posted by: eman at December 17, 2009 09:37 PM (yf/JJ)
Posted by: drillanwr at December 17, 2009 09:45 PM (GkYyh)
Posted by: ace at December 17, 2009 10:16 PM (/4E2O)
Posted by: eman at December 17, 2009 10:26 PM (yf/JJ)
Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at December 17, 2009 10:36 PM (dQdrY)
Posted by: 13 year old anorexic emo chick at December 18, 2009 02:43 AM (SwkdU)
Posted by: bill-tb at December 18, 2009 04:31 AM (y+QfZ)
"Gore's ability to bore me to distraction is exceeded only by his ability to make me shake my head and wonder how anyone so stupid can survive. "
Seriously this is the downside to civilization and technology. Its so easy to prosper that even total idjits do well. There's very little "weed-out" in life anymore. Seriously, can you imagine Al Gore having to live by his wits in the middle ages?
Actually, he would probably make a nice living burning witches.
Posted by: Joe at December 18, 2009 07:01 AM (YwBI6)
Posted by: Oggy at December 18, 2009 10:52 AM (KoOLt)
Who everyone knew was a bore.
His book was scam,
But he had a plan,
to debates he'd say 'nevermore'!
Posted by: Linlithgow at December 18, 2009 12:34 PM (xpBkP)
Posted by: Linlithgow at December 18, 2009 12:36 PM (xpBkP)
LOL@ Linlithgow
Alc Whore can put that shit in a locked box and, like the waves of the ocean, pound sand for all eternity.
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