Ace of Spades HQ

December 15, 2009

Bacon v. Babies: It's No Contest
— Ace

It's from The Telegraph, so I'm sure that the science is SETTLED. Peer-review, and all that, old chap.

Really, is anyone surprised? Bacon comes from pigs, and none of my acquaintances are afraid of pigs. But babies? Considering where they come from, its no wonder that men have some deep seated fear of them. Hell, I know I do. It's stewed into my cerebral juices, so to speak.

Posted by: Ace at 07:11 AM | Comments (21)
Post contains 80 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Mmmmmmm. Bacon.

Posted by: Homer Simpson at December 15, 2009 07:31 AM (UOcNk)

2 What are these clean sheets the article speaks of? I think mine have cerebral juices on them.

Posted by: Homer Simpson at December 15, 2009 07:32 AM (UOcNk)

3 What about the smell of a baby who had just eaten bacon?

Posted by: Intrepid at December 15, 2009 07:32 AM (92zkk)

4 Or maybe the smell of baby bacon (made from very young pigs)?

Posted by: Rightwing Prof at December 15, 2009 07:33 AM (UOcNk)

5 It's because you can't make bacon from babies. It's science!

Posted by: harrison at December 15, 2009 07:49 AM (Gv4O0)

6 It's stewed into my cerebral juices, so to speak.

Did you throw in some potatoes, carrots, and onions? They really add some flavor to cerebral stew.

Posted by: Steve L. at December 15, 2009 07:54 AM (Gkhxf)

7 Bacon smells better than babies. Well now that you have the fundamentals covered perhaps you can move on to less obvious questions such as whether or not 3 is greater than 2.

Posted by: John Galt at December 15, 2009 07:57 AM (F/4zf)

8 Is this why the Muslims are reproducing so much faster then the Euro-weeneis?

Posted by: Jean at December 15, 2009 08:09 AM (6Njk9)

9 We should ask our resident expert....Russ. Since he is a bacon (eww) expert and has a baby. What does he prefer?

Posted by: Robert at December 15, 2009 08:22 AM (V+ylD)

Strangely, looking at my sweet little angel pot pie babies and smelling them does make me want to *eat* them. I try to gobble up my 3 year old all the time, but she tells me if I do, "there will be no Stella!"

Posted by: Traci at December 15, 2009 08:36 AM (M2h0L)

11 Were the babies freshly bathed and powdered? That might make a difference, too. But bacon. Mmmmmmmm.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 15, 2009 08:47 AM (brCzq)

How about bacon-wrapped baby?

Sincerely,

Michael Moore

Posted by: Rich Fader at December 15, 2009 08:58 AM (lgYLR)

13 I don't know. We use bacon grease to help control Moses' diaper rash instead of ointment, so he always smells like breakfast. I'm pretty sure that I'd like him even if he didn't smell like delicious bacon, but the bacony-goodness sure doesn't hurt!

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at December 15, 2009 09:04 AM (7n7Br)

14 Bacon = tasty, tasty food Petrol = car, potential getaway baby = work and commitment There's really nothing confusing about it at all, when viewed properly.

Posted by: joncelli at December 15, 2009 09:17 AM (RD7QR)

15 It would be a poor evolutionary strategy for a species if its young smelled like food to adults.

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 15, 2009 09:29 AM (BUxMT)

16 Not a fair contest.

How about bacon versus smoked babies?

Posted by: Y-not at December 15, 2009 09:33 AM (sey23)

17 Well, yeah. I have a baby and he's wonderful, but bacon smells good all of the time and babies just don't.

Posted by: Another Nicole at December 15, 2009 09:45 AM (rfVSm)

18 Ok, ladies and gents, a question.

Say I bottled that bacon smell. Say I had a total hideous beast try it out as cologne during happy hour on Friday. I'm not talking six-pack beauty queen, that's too easy. I'm talking something like Rosie O'Donut, Rosanne Barr, or hell...since he's the star today, Andrew Sullivan. You know, someone who poses a constant threat to the continued normal function of clocks and mirrors. That's right, baby, FUGLY.

How long do you think it would take for that beast to get laid?

Posted by: bigpinkfluffybunny at December 15, 2009 10:01 AM (KWhJd)

19 I approve of this thread. Bacons, it's what for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner At Large at December 15, 2009 10:16 AM (erIg9)

They obviously fried the bacon, but did not bother to fry the baby.

There's yer problem, right there.

Posted by: slackjawedyokel at December 15, 2009 11:19 AM (gWKAh)

It's because you can't make bacon from babies.

Or vice versa.

Posted by: DefACEd at December 16, 2009 06:16 AM (BoFBr)

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