December 07, 2009
— Ace I saw a couple of references to this in the comments, and a mention in the headline of an email; just saw now what the heck people are talking about.
He wrote this as the introduction to the new tree-killing apocalypse-hastening book he just wrote called Our Choice. Vanity Fair calls it "odd" that none of the reviewers mention the poem; I don't call it odd at all. I call it doing a solid for a retard you're fond of, like not pointing out he has ice cream cake all over his head.
Full Poem now added, courtesy of Reverend Al's Muse.
One thin September soon
A floating continent disappears
In midnight sun
Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
Neptune's bones dissolve
Snow glides from the mountain
Ice fathers floods for a season
A hard rain comes quickly
Then dirt is parched
Kindling is placed in the forest
For the lightning's celebration
Unknown creatures
Take their leave, unmourned
Horsemen ready their stirrups
Passion seeks heroes and friends
The bell of the city
On the hill is rung
The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools
Here's what Vanity Fair says about the poem:
The result is a surprisingly accomplished, nuanced piece of writing. The images Gore conjures in his (untitled) poem turn a neat trick: they are visually specific and emotionally arresting even as they are scientifically accurate.
Here's what I have to say:
Reviewers fail to mention
Gore's descent into sophomoric senility
Hide the decline
I do admit "lightning's celebration" isn't so bad. But pretty much any amateur college Poetry 101 attendee comes up with a similar successful mix-and-match word pairing like every third assignment.
Oh! It seems like I shouldn't even have to say this, but I hereby decree another Al Gore Poetry Jam Slam!
Remember, this is just an exhibition, not a competition.
Re-Post: The first post ever on this site-- apart from a post that simply said "Test" -- was "The Donkey," a parody of The Raven, mostly about Al Gore.
It's a bit dated -- looking, as it did, forward to the 2004 elections -- but I still think it's pretty good. Here's the link: Caution: Flagrant Potty-Mouth and General Puerility.
Posted by: Ace at
02:26 PM
| Comments (305)
Post contains 392 words, total size 3 kb.
Holy crap. That right there has to be the single most devastating counterargument to the notion that the media has any say in who and what qualifies as science. Period.
Qwinn
Posted by: Qwinn at December 07, 2009 02:29 PM (SxA2Q)
Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 02:31 PM (UOM48)
Somebody's sailing on an acid sea, and I don't think it's fever......
Posted by: Intrepid at December 07, 2009 02:31 PM (92zkk)
Posted by: ushie at December 07, 2009 02:31 PM (GkYyh)
Posted by: IC at December 07, 2009 02:31 PM (h3M6A)
No ?
Me either .
Posted by: awkward davies at December 07, 2009 02:33 PM (wb68R)
Posted by: Reverend Al's Muse at December 07, 2009 02:34 PM (QJzQi)
Posted by: Charles Johnson at December 07, 2009 02:34 PM (mka2b)
This poem, this poem here, are the first verses in the Global Warming Bible.
Instead of Genesis, this is Goreisis.
Posted by: a.k.a. at December 07, 2009 02:34 PM (6zk5L)
Posted by: Barney Frank at December 07, 2009 02:35 PM (QECjC)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 02:35 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Reverend Al's Muse at December 07, 2009 02:36 PM (QJzQi)
Gore is definitely the key word here.
A floating continent disappears
Is this like one of those games where you count how many things are wrong with this picture?
Posted by: Mama AJ, linkprof at December 07, 2009 02:37 PM (Be4xl)
This entire poem is nothing more than a metaphor for Al Gore's yearning desire to lose some weight.
Posted by: kathysaysso at December 07, 2009 02:37 PM (ZtwUX)
Qwinn
Posted by: Qwinn at December 07, 2009 02:38 PM (SxA2Q)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 02:38 PM (jlvw3)
You become that what is
<bongo bongo bongo>
Deny not though absorb
Birth of another with that
<tomtomtom>
<snap fingers>
Posted by: Goracle 3:25 at December 07, 2009 02:38 PM (Am6n/)
In the future bad bad warming
Bad bad bad bad bad
The polar ice cap goes south
Like it has a thousand times before
But I'm convinved I'm the cause
This time
After all, man is all powerful
All that nature can do isn't enough
I do so love the word "all"
The sun is just a large, yellow beachball
Beachballs never warm anything
Like fart gas does. And dragon breath.
Aeolis cries in his tears
Cow flatulence comes from their rears
Poseidon enjoys no beers
Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar
All for the hockey team
Stand up and holler
Unknown creatures
In underwater grottoes
Stepping on figs, the apes eat
My throat is parched
Because AGW marched
Better get a burger at the double arch
The shepard cries
He has no Micky D french fries
They melted along with the lies
Posted by: Jek Porkins at December 07, 2009 02:39 PM (i9FLw)
Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
I didn't know there were shepherds on Venus. That Hubble is one great telescope.
Posted by: Guy Fawkes at December 07, 2009 02:39 PM (DIYmd)
Into the snow feathered shed
The forest has lightning struck tree stumps
O sh@t, the bonfire will not be extinguished
Posted by: vagabond trader at December 07, 2009 02:39 PM (YHes1)
I call it doing a solid for a retard you're fond of, like not pointing out he has ice cream cake all over his head.
Heehee.
Posted by: Jek Porkins at December 07, 2009 02:39 PM (i9FLw)
The hot sun rises over the mountains of Tennessee
Where Al Gore has but one of his lofty homes
And jet, and houseboat with jet-ski and speedboat and fleet of SUVs
All paid for by a gullible public in need of carbon credits and salvation.
Posted by: huerfano at December 07, 2009 02:39 PM (vtuZz)
Posted by: Frank G at December 07, 2009 02:40 PM (I+To0)
Posted by: THe Great one at December 07, 2009 02:40 PM (CSrvi)
Posted by: kansas at December 07, 2009 02:40 PM (mka2b)
I Know Why The Vice President Sings
Sheets Sheets O Glorious Sheets of Ice
Why do the Jews hate you?
The White Devils smother you with their smog and cash
Little Snow Flakes
Why So Scared?
Please Come Back
We Need You
We Need You
We Need You
O Little Dew Drop
On The Plains of Africa
So Dry In This Place
Dead Bones Of Slaves
Who Will Save Us?
Algore, is it you?
My Sweet Shepherd Prince, is it you?
Flying Down From The Sky
Riding On A Cloud
Slaying Jews and Toppling Smoke Stack
We Are Saved!
We Are Saved!
We Are Saved
Posted by: Maya Angeloo at December 07, 2009 02:41 PM (6zk5L)
In the glare of the computer screen
I sit alone.
Yet not alone.
Because I've finally found a way to get
people to hang on my words.
The commenter cries
The hour of linking has arrived
Here are your tools:
Copy, hit the link button,
Count carefully your https.
Paste, post and pray.
Posted by: Mama AJ, linkprof at December 07, 2009 02:41 PM (Be4xl)
Posted by: Lawrence the Cable Gentleman at December 07, 2009 02:41 PM (15SHw)
Posted by: THe Great one at December 07, 2009 02:41 PM (CSrvi)
Posted by: mare at December 07, 2009 02:42 PM (X1fsj)
Posted by: CoolCzech at December 07, 2009 02:42 PM (QECjC)
Posted by: andycanuck at December 07, 2009 02:43 PM (2qU2d)
Emanating from the masses,
Gaze upon my ugly mug,
and think to yourself, Butt Plug.
Posted by: Al Gore at December 07, 2009 02:43 PM (DIYmd)
Maybe he cancelled his $1200 meet and greet because he heard that he was going to get pelted for this trash. I would consider plonking $1200 down if it gave me the opportunity to hurl some food at him, preferably a large pumpkin at close range.
Posted by: GrimJack at December 07, 2009 02:44 PM (iTA1p)
V8, oh V8
oh Internal Combustion
Die
Die
Die
DieDie
DieDie
DieDie
DieDieDie
DieDieDie
DieDieDie
Reborn
Ohms Law
Posted by: Goracle 9:20 at December 07, 2009 02:44 PM (Am6n/)
Posted by: algore richard the turd at December 07, 2009 02:44 PM (2qU2d)
On the City of Snuff
and belch out their nasty cargoes
The deceivers project
their mind-numbing stupidity
onto those who choose to continue to think
For edicts shall be passed
and laws enacted to permit
the continued environmentalist fap-fapping
and once the damage has been wrought
will those responsible for this abortion
be exempt from the guillotine?
I thinketh not.
fin
Posted by: TXMarko at December 07, 2009 02:45 PM (c78Jk)
Like in my other poems
I show here that
I don't know fuck-all
about meter.
But...
It just doesn't fucking matter
Because I made two hundred million
Big American dollars
Off the idiots
...and that's the truth ...Pfffft!!
Posted by: Fat Albert Gore at December 07, 2009 02:45 PM (AnTyA)
Little Birdie
With Your Beak Pressed Against the Bakery Window
There are no Crumbs for You Today
Only Death.
As a result of the the failed policies of George Bush.
Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 07, 2009 02:45 PM (ruzrP)
The P.M.R.C. took away my Crüe,
made frigid Tipper,
and melted Al GoreÂ’s brain forever.
Posted by: New White Panther at December 07, 2009 02:45 PM (4TWQM)
Krauthammer, a man not know for carelessness with his words, just said on Fox if the EPA regulations are enacted "Obama will have a revolution on his hands."
Posted by: Iskandar at December 07, 2009 02:45 PM (u1pln)
on his climate crock,
he piles pompous puerile poetry
on his faithful flock,
who harass the hated heretics
with troll like talk
and purchase carbon credits,
til their home's in hock.
With apologies to W.S.Gilbert.
Posted by: OldManRick at December 07, 2009 02:46 PM (dNXKt)
Posted by: billygoat at December 07, 2009 02:46 PM (DrB2V)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 02:46 PM (jlvw3)
Kill the polar bears. Kill the polar bears.
Al Gore is yelling, do he bite?
Kill the polar bears. Kill the polar bears.
Posted by: Tyrone Green at December 07, 2009 02:46 PM (saRwI)
Posted by: mare at December 07, 2009 02:47 PM (X1fsj)
speaking of revolutions...
this announcement come on the same day that lawmakers up here in Massachusetts are yet again trying to pass a gas-tax hike.
Posted by: a.k.a. at December 07, 2009 02:48 PM (6zk5L)
I do not love thee, Doctor Gore.
The reason why, I have foreswore;
But this I know, and know full bore,
I do not love thee, Doctor Gore.
Posted by: eleven at December 07, 2009 02:48 PM (b6HHO)
I should have gone with the first draft:
A midnight run
Vapid is as vapid does
Fever settles in for some acid tea
Astro glide from the fountain
Vanilla Ice fathers broods without a reason
A hard pein comes quickly
Joe dirt is parched
Kindly place in the forest
It's a frightening celebration
Shep cries
The hour of acusing has arrived
We are tools
Posted by: Al Gore at December 07, 2009 02:48 PM (QXKjZ)
You Cannot Spell
"Carbon Dioxide"
without
DIE.
or CAR
Think About It.
"It" Being Dying Because of Your Car.
-
Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 07, 2009 02:48 PM (ruzrP)
Fast and bulbous, ace's ass furrows and splits his office chair
as his ideology sows the teeth
whence comes the Dragon bitch
Posted by: Galen at December 07, 2009 02:48 PM (/gil1)
(Leon Redbone Christmas album)
Posted by: Vic at December 07, 2009 02:49 PM (CDUiN)
Posted by: ushie at December 07, 2009 02:49 PM (GkYyh)
Gaia in the same I know her,
If you know what I mean and I think you do,
For she is a bitch, gone in the teeth,
But damn she can slobber a knob.
If you know what I mean and I think you do.
Posted by: joncelli at December 07, 2009 02:50 PM (Ko4Av)
Al garfunkled you.
Posted by: New White Panther at December 07, 2009 02:50 PM (4TWQM)
The thing 'bout global warming
That I find so alarming
Is that my data
Won't fit
I try to make it hotter
Than physics says it otter
Be in real life
Oh spit!
Posted by: 5Cats at December 07, 2009 02:51 PM (O5yP8)
And, can I just say as a real live actual English major who has too many poetry classes under her belt, this poem is worse than a piece of drivel. My advanced poetry teacher would have vivisected it and then she would have held up its gory entrails for the rest of the class to mock.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at December 07, 2009 02:51 PM (RZ8pf)
Posted by: THe Great one at December 07, 2009 02:51 PM (CSrvi)
Check out the tauts on her.
Oh, sorry, that's not a "her", it's Al Gore.
I'm happy I didn't mention the analogy.
Posted by: lord byron at December 07, 2009 02:51 PM (2qU2d)
Gaia's blessings bring delight.
Every night and every morn,
Another freaking moron's born.
They abhor logic, and critical thinking,
Their crazy theories a product of drinking.
Soon they'll die under the midday sun,
And Gaia will, it will be done.
Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 07, 2009 02:51 PM (mGSN1)
The suit that makes me look fat?
or the one that I make look too small?
Please God, if You don't snow this meeting
Out like You've done for my past 4 conferences
I promise to stop fisting Tipper with the Oscar
That is if You answer my other prayer
About keeping the Oscar
Posted by: alppuccino at December 07, 2009 02:52 PM (+x80N)
Posted by: SarahW at December 07, 2009 02:52 PM (CSrvi)
Posted by: ushie at December 07, 2009 02:52 PM (GkYyh)
If Algore wrote a poem about nuance, would the world end? I mean, the nuance would be magnified exponentially, could we handle that much nuance?
Posted by: a.k.a. at December 07, 2009 02:53 PM (6zk5L)
Posted by: Qwinn at December 07, 2009 02:54 PM (SxA2Q)
Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 07, 2009 02:55 PM (mGSN1)
Posted by: Tommy Gunn at December 07, 2009 02:55 PM (rQTdM)
One month
soon
The Jewish nation may disappear
In nuclear fire
The world's leaders
Have their petty priorities
All fucked up.
The Sun doesn't care
About the edicts of humans
Neptune is ghey
And in the
end,
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 02:56 PM (otlXg)
Baracky wrote the following while at Occidental College:
UNDERGROUND
Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Stepping on the figs
That the apes
Eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tumble in the
Rushing water,
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening in the blue.
...if my 4th grader had turned in something like this, I would have gotten a call from the school administration saying I should bring her to specialists to test to see if she is retarded
Posted by: beedubya at December 07, 2009 02:57 PM (AnTyA)
made glorious summer by 1200 limos in Copenhagen
and all the acid rain clouds that hung above our heads
like polar bears lie buried in the oceans bosom
our bruised arms now beat into plowshares for the proles
wall decoration at the White House to replace the creche of black Jesus
Posted by: vagabond trader at December 07, 2009 02:58 PM (YHes1)
Posted by: Tommy Gunn at December 07, 2009 02:59 PM (rQTdM)
Posted by: Mark Twain at December 07, 2009 02:59 PM (sOpAl)
I
took
my farts
and bottled them up.
I gave Al Gore my bottles.
He
looked
surprised
but thanked me much.
Which prove's Al Gore's a moron.
.
Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 07, 2009 02:59 PM (ruzrP)
I always figured Poseidon (Neptune) was a pansy. He ruled the seas and yet I had to take care of that stupid Hydra for him.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 03:00 PM (otlXg)
Half a league
Half a league onward!
Into the valley of caviar
And Danish hookers
Rode the 400.
Posted by: joncelli at December 07, 2009 03:00 PM (Ko4Av)
without a group to rebut
a meeting was called by guzzel gut
In Copenhaugen Daz
Heat daddy will be first in line
to get some free hooker behind
then propose more tax
to keep up the supply of big macks
when UN regulators step on US soil
they will reap the rewards of our toil
Posted by: hot topic at December 07, 2009 03:00 PM (ozpeF)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 03:01 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at December 07, 2009 03:02 PM (PQY7w)
i raise my hand to strike
again
security detail laughing
jeezus , what a pussy
Posted by: awkward davies at December 07, 2009 03:03 PM (wb68R)
Oh Al Gore....
Please make me poor....
Bend me over, and show me the Door....
Do not Lube.....
Just give me the Tube....
And reach around and rub my Rube...
Oh Al Gore.....
How I do Adore....
Posted by: 52%-er at December 07, 2009 03:03 PM (fqxV7)
I can't write poetry, but I really hate Al Gore's face. Look at his face! He's so fat, his chin not only has other chins, his cheeks have more cheeks! His dimples are outties! Even his eyebrows are fatties! Soon enough, his face will be so fat that his ears will end up behind his head, right next to each other! Even his nose has fat, and I can't even fathom how his face managed to accomplish nose fat. He's as neckless as Charles Durning, and someday his eyes will vanish between his fat pouchy eyelids, and I also don't know how he managed to grow fat inside his eyelids. His lips are not fat; they only look like two earthworms crawling over the suety deposits of his lower face. He's like a mutant of fatitude.
I dislike Al Gore profoundly.
Posted by: ushie at December 07, 2009 03:04 PM (GkYyh)
Soaked in blood, screaming and quite bare
But if you live your life in the right way
That kind of thing doesn't have to stop there
Posted by: wHodat at December 07, 2009 03:07 PM (+sBB4)
Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Stepping on the figs
That the apes
Eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tumble in the
Rushing water,
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening in the blue.
No ... I have no idea what it means or why anyone would write it, but I'd watch out for the apes.
Posted by: progressoverpeace at December 07, 2009 03:07 PM (A46hP)
Posted by: Reverend Al's Muse at December 07, 2009 03:08 PM (QJzQi)
The hour of cap n' trade has arrived
Choke on it you tools
Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 03:09 PM (Vui52)
Oops. You already got The Precedent's brilliant poetry up.
Posted by: progressoverpeace at December 07, 2009 03:09 PM (A46hP)
The polar bear
sleeps
in his little bear skin
He
sleeps
very well I am told
Last night
I slept
in my little bare skin
and I
caught
a heckuva cold.
.
Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 07, 2009 03:09 PM (ruzrP)
Posted by: Dennis Finch at December 07, 2009 03:09 PM (jlvw3)
Fuck you Mr. Polar Bear
Think rising temps give me a scare?
Upon thin ice,
tread if you dare.
If you fall in,
you can swim -
what the fuck do I care?
Posted by: Dang at December 07, 2009 03:10 PM (UA4gE)
These are men who have been bought.
Lies now burned by fire.
Their progress makes no noise.
You can't hinder the hot wind from blowing.
Crimes come from the teachers.
How will they live through Hopen-Changen?
In the darkness with a great bundle of grief
the libtards march.
In the night, the ass-trumpet sounds,
the libtard lemmings march:
"Where to? what next"
Posted by: Chainsaw Chimp at December 07, 2009 03:12 PM (j6H6o)
a hundred proxies and
a thousand sockpuppets and
a myriad spinning tops,
erg has still got nothing.
Posted by: OregonMuse at December 07, 2009 03:14 PM (tClfg)
The Flim-Flam Man
76 Albores led the scam charade
with a 101 libtards near at hand
They were followed by rows and rows of the finest media hens;
The cream of every famous scam.
76 Albores skipped the burning sun
with a 110 UN harpies right behind
There were more than a 1000 political hacks springing up like weeds,
There were offsets of every kind.
There were crapper bottom tympani in horse patookie Thundering, thundering, all along the way Double bell euphoniums and big flatuloolie Each Bore having his big fat say There were fifty thousand lies in the battery Thundering, thundering, louder than before Liars of every size and medacites who'd improvise A full octave higher than the score Seventy six Albores hit the counter point While a hundred and ten Libtards played the air To the rhythm of 'Hew Hew Hew' All the libs began to spew
And they're spewing still, right today
More Apologies to M. Willson
Posted by: Vic at December 07, 2009 03:15 PM (CDUiN)
I can see the Earth warming.
Through the holes in the ozone.
Caused by acid rain.
As they burn down the Amazon.
Apocalypse now.
Charley donÂ’t surf.
Posted by: New White Panther at December 07, 2009 03:16 PM (4TWQM)
and canoe on manly made lakes
sticking my tongue down Tipper's throat
Dip down deep deep deep
Into your pockets Buddhist monks
When I all from my office
I am the controlling legal authority.
Posted by: Manbearpig at December 07, 2009 03:16 PM (ZtwUX)
#7 Somebody's sailing on an acid sea, and I don't think it's fever......
Late to the thread, but this made me laugh for a very long time.
Posted by: Daisy at December 07, 2009 03:17 PM (T0ga9)
Then I consider that "poet" is a common synonym for "homo" and I don't feel so bad.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 07, 2009 03:17 PM (l1Wlr)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 03:18 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Al the gas station janitor at December 07, 2009 03:18 PM (Vui52)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 03:20 PM (jlvw3)
my nuts fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest
on some hooker's chest
and paddled her face with my cock
Posted by: A. D. Clay at December 07, 2009 03:22 PM (IoUF1)
Oh, what is all this ClimateGate joy?
Have, get before it cloy
A side-order of pork-n-beans for the boy.
Posted by: Jek Porkins (rdb) at December 07, 2009 03:23 PM (i9FLw)
Posted by: Bob in Houston at December 07, 2009 03:23 PM (uSWv/)
we wrangled your trawlers with rubber rafts
then japanese whalers harpooned our ass
then cried in the forests over fallen trees
and only got multiple stings from bees
we peddle our bikes through the rush hour masses
while people in cars speedily pass us
our omnipotent guru doctor al gore
turns out to be a lying whore
Posted by: hot topic at December 07, 2009 03:24 PM (ozpeF)
They say there will be more.
I'd like to work my tensions out
By punching out Algore!
For making that mis-titled film
"An Inconvenient Truth",
I'd plow my fist into his jaw
And knock out every tooth!
His "global warming" 's nothing but
Pathetic myths and lies.
I'd drive my knee into his crotch
And blacken both his eyes!
Get this: he flies a private jet
To get from town to town!
Because he's such a hypocrite,
I'd love to beat him down!
Algore, you are a stupid man.
You're worthless, sad and weak.
I'm glad that you're not president,
Because you're such a freak!
Posted by: sickinmass at December 07, 2009 03:26 PM (Dxfei)
I think that I shall not explore
this poem as wooden as Al Gore.
Al Gore, whose sloppy mouth is prest
Against our country's flowing breast;
Al Gore, who stares in mirrors all day,
And lifts his flabby arms to bray;
Upon whose hot breath snow has melt;
who fakes science to reap danegelt.
Poems might be made by fools like Gore,
But please, God, please stop this whore.
Apologies to Joyce Kilmer.
Posted by: Satrboardhelm at December 07, 2009 03:27 PM (SgSfB)
Posted by: The Only Broad West of Denver Tiger Hasn't Boinked at December 07, 2009 03:32 PM (8g9qq)
Gore's raising the sea levels fast.
The story's un-toppable
He's quite PhotoShopable
melting ice with a flamethrower blast.
Because of that carbon-oh-two
the glaciers may cease to renew.
He warns they're receding
and that we're not heeding
an Arctic once white turning blue.
"We're doomed!" says that hypocrite Gore
"Those temps will continue to soar!
Dioxide of carbon
means putting less garb on
just Speedos and thongs, nothing more!"
Though he frets, Gore has always denied
warming's upbeat, its positive side.
The bikini prevails!
And booming beer sales!
And a market for more pesticide!
It's not ours to lose, but to gain.
With climatic change, profits reign.
The financial ruler?
Whoever's the cooler!
Invest in York or Lennox or Trane!
Posted by: sickinmass at December 07, 2009 03:33 PM (Dxfei)
One thin December soon
A floating gasbag appears
In city of midnight sun
Vapors rise as
Fever settles on whore-hop jamboree
Much Viagra involved
Hookers in the fountain
We remember not the reason
We had to come so quickly
Our throats are parched
More champagne on the tab
For our cult's celebration
Unknown creatures
Used in corridors, unmourned
Harnesses, whips, and stirrups
Passion seeks harlots and fiends
The bell of the city
On the sea is rung
The shepherd cries "whip me!"
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools
Posted by: Al Gore, High Priestess of Gaia at December 07, 2009 03:34 PM (j6H6o)
That's a sex machine to hockey sticks?
Al Gore!
Ya damn right!
Who's the man with the environmental plan
Who'd risk nothing for his brother man?
Al gore,
Can you dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's skittles all about?
Al Gore.
Right On!
Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 07, 2009 03:34 PM (mGSN1)
Who made a blonde kick the bucket
As he put on his neck brace
And still won his Senate race
As long as I'm dry, well fuck it
Posted by: Ted Kennedy at December 07, 2009 03:36 PM (sYxEE)
Posted by: Pecos Bill at December 07, 2009 03:37 PM (8WOM0)
A thing as lovely as a tree
Unless my son's Porsche is wrapped around it..
Posted by: Algore, God of Thunder at December 07, 2009 03:38 PM (sYxEE)
all which isn't confirming is mere denying
and all denying's denying to oneself
(whether that oneself be sought or peer-approved)
masters or disciple or mail order PhD
gore is as deity or devil,
-toss in sobs and reasons twinkies and smiles
name it cruel science or blessed faith
it is we (i)scientists who matter, nobody else
drive dumb mankind crazy with treaty and EPA regs
you are deafened every mother's son
all is merely denying which isn't singing
and all denying's to oneself own, talk to the hand
but the very song of(as delegates feel
and lovers)denying is pretty much silence.
the science is settled
Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 07, 2009 03:39 PM (Wh0W+)
dance no more in underwater grottoes, caverns
because all the fucking water evaporated
from global warming
also cocks
Posted by: Preznit ObaMao McStalinacorn at December 07, 2009 03:42 PM (IoUF1)
The Lord gave us dominion over the Earth, it is not just stupid, but actually sinful, not to exploit it to the fullest extent. The Earth is our bitch, let's do with her as we will!
Praise Jesus!
Fuck AlBore!
Posted by: sickinmass at December 07, 2009 03:42 PM (Dxfei)
Hide the decline.
There's no decline.
All is calm! All is right!
There's no truth to the denier's claims.
Peer review and consensus reigns.
Sleep in ignorant peace!
Sleep in your ignorant peace.
Posted by: Satrboardhelm at December 07, 2009 03:43 PM (SgSfB)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 03:44 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Jim Treacher at December 07, 2009 03:46 PM (GrDz5)
Posted by: Jim Treacher at December 07, 2009 03:46 PM (GrDz5)
NWP, I'll add the next verse:
Copenhagen.
Häagen-Dazs.
Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Farfegnugen
Frusen gladje
Get my ass to
Copenhagen
Posted by: Jek Porkins (rdb) at December 07, 2009 03:47 PM (i9FLw)
Posted by: Paul McCartney at December 07, 2009 03:48 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 07, 2009 03:50 PM (Wh0W+)
Posted by: Paul McCartney at December 07, 2009 03:50 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at December 07, 2009 03:52 PM (yxBaM)
POP
Sitting in his seat, a seat broad and broken
In, sprinkled with ashes,
Pop switches channels, takes another
Shot of Seagrams, neat, and asks
What to do with me, a green young man
Who fails to consider the
Flim and flam of the world, since
Things have been easy for me;
I stare hard at his face, a stare
That deflects off his brow;
I'm sure he's unaware of his
Dark, watery eyes, that
Glance in different directions,
And his slow, unwelcome twitches,
Fail to pass.
I listen, nod,
Listen, open, till I cling to his pale,
Beige T-shirt, yelling,
Yelling in his ears, that hang
With heavy lobes, but he's still telling
His joke, so I ask why
He's so unhappy, to which he replies...
But I don't care anymore, cause
He took too damn long, and from
Under my seat, I pull out the
Mirror I've been saving; I'm laughing,
Laughing loud, the blood rushing from his face
To mine, as he grows small,
A spot in my brain, something
That may be squeezed out, like a
Watermelon seed between
Two fingers.
Pop takes another shot, neat,
Points out the same amber
Stain on his shorts that I've got on mine, and
Makes me smell his smell, coming
From me; he switches channels, recites an old poem
He wrote before his mother died,
Stands, shouts, and asks
For a hug, as I shrink, my
Arms barely reaching around
His thick, oily neck, and his broad back; 'cause
I see my face, framed within
Pop's black-framed glasses
And know he's laughing too.Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at December 07, 2009 03:52 PM (IoUF1)
See the hook set in their mouth, polar bears all headed south!
We won't wait, for you.
Slight of hand, Mike's trick with dates, it can't be stopped, no it's too late.
Legislate, without you.
With or without you.
With or without you.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 07, 2009 03:57 PM (Wh0W+)
and all through the city,
all the climate scientists cried
"this cold weather is shitty".
I, in my Birkenstocks
a whore in a fur hat,
I forgot my coupon
to get free, some of that.
And what to my wondering eyes did appear
but 140 private jets
and a boatload of caviar.
Posted by: Kayne dick West at December 07, 2009 04:02 PM (DIYmd)
Scanning the violent sea
Floes he needs nowhere
Swallows twit and flitter
Returning to Capistrano
Sooner than before
Older than man
Staid glaciers weep
A trillion tears
Barrier once Great
Eroded, etched, eaten
Barren dust bowl down undersea
A man once blind
Thunderclap visions he sees
Only trees, not the forest
Silent springs the reaper
Unseen, unheard, denied
Kind of like Forbidden Planet
A sucker born
Many minutes until doomsday
And Batman had stately Wayne Manor
Batman is a scientist
Who never won a Nobel Prize
Or Oscar, or Grammy
Fuck the dumb
I want in on the ground floor
You can never be too rich or too thin
Posted by: Howard J Turkster at December 07, 2009 04:02 PM (0o/nL)
There's a fat man who thinks
All man's breath is but poison
And he's riding a jet to Copenhagen
When he gets there he knows, if the world is all froze
With a word he can say it's really warming
Ooh, ooh, he's riding a jet to Copenhagen
Posted by: Green Zepplin at December 07, 2009 04:03 PM (Oxen1)
"Something bad is happening, I'm sure you do agree
People care for nothing, no respect for human rights
Evil times are coming, we are in for darker nights"
I said, "Who are you to talk about impending doom?"
He got kinda wary as he looked around the room
He said, "I'm a minister, a big shot in the state"
I said, "I just can't believe it, boy I think it's great
Brother can you tell me what is right and what is wrong?"
He said, "Keep on rocking baby, 'til the night is gone"
Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 07, 2009 04:05 PM (mGSN1)
Posted by: TonyRezko at December 07, 2009 04:06 PM (+jw61)
saying to myself, hey, why not write a global-warming poem
Then I'll climb aboard my private carbon-emitting jet and then into a luxury SUV
When I get to Denmark, and then make people pay big bucks to come and see
The one, the true messiah, read my poem to them, and once I've
read it
Hold out my big bag and collect money from those suckas for their carbon credit.
Posted by: TheresaD at December 07, 2009 04:08 PM (iGCmo)
After downing two bottles of sangria,
"I'll get unlimited grants
And into girls' pants
With this hockey stick graph from my ganglia!"
Posted by: iowahawk at December 07, 2009 04:09 PM (veL4N)
Posted by: Barack Rudyard Obama at December 07, 2009 04:10 PM (ZtwUX)
Remember when you had a soul, your sanity whole?
Whine on you crazy dildo.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like pork rinds on the sly.
Whine on you crazy dildo.
You were caught on the crossfire of crassness and blather,
oozing on with foul sleaze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you shyster, you loon, you moron, and whine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Whine on you crazy dildo.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Whine on you crazy dildo.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
oozing on with foul sleaze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you poseur, you poet, you pissant, and whine!
Posted by: Chainsaw Chimp at December 07, 2009 04:10 PM (j6H6o)
Pull my finger and IÂ’ll blow another.
Posted by: New White Panther at December 07, 2009 04:10 PM (4TWQM)
The trees were dead Al Gore wept
He wept not for the trees.
"Acceptable losses in the fight to save the planet" said he
CO2 was gone, He won the battle
And slew the parasitic trees like cattle
He wept for as he gandered yonder
He wept for there were no more worlds to conquer
When to his brain there came a vision
A chance to make another million
The fatal fiend, Tri Carbon Phosphate
Reduce its numbers, is it too late?
He rode off proud to meet the foe
The golden, deadly C3PO
Posted by: Duhgee at December 07, 2009 04:10 PM (AHyG/)
Posted by: steevy at December 07, 2009 04:17 PM (Yed8W)
God save algore
Fascist money whore
He made you a moron
Potential nuetron bomb
God save algore
We mean it man
Put him on an ice flow
With a polar bear
Posted by: Sex Cockholsters at December 07, 2009 04:20 PM (Oxen1)
Posted by: Duhgee at December 07, 2009 04:25 PM (AHyG/)
I roll my large ass
out of bed
next to my sleeping
drooling
bride
I shuffle to the bathroom
and fart on the way
Dear God
I must atone
for my sin
I know!
I'll buy a
carbon offset.
Posted by: The Goreacle at December 07, 2009 04:28 PM (UOM48)
Posted by: DaveyNC at December 07, 2009 04:29 PM (kkJhM)
Oh say, can you see
Any sign of a tree
Well I can't but the carbon
comes up to my knee
Oh say, I just squirted the last aerosol cannnnn
full of EEEEE-ZZZZ-CHHHHEEEEEESE
and it fried in my hannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd
Posted by: Duhgee at December 07, 2009 04:36 PM (AHyG/)
Posted by: James Wolcott at December 07, 2009 04:37 PM (yHtPm)
I talk to the trees
but they never listen to me
I talk to the sky
but it doesn't hear me
blah, blah, blah.....
Someone help me out.
Posted by: The Goreacle at December 07, 2009 04:39 PM (UOM48)
Charile? Are you getting this, Charlie?!!
Oh my God ladies and gentlement this is so fucking rich!
Gore was almost to the landing mast,
and now he's crashing and burning and...
Oh, the Banality!!
Posted by: sherlock at December 07, 2009 04:40 PM (ktKOD)
Posted by: steevy at December 07, 2009 04:41 PM (Yed8W)
Posted by: The Real Neptune at December 07, 2009 04:41 PM (muhdt)
Horsemen? Like 4? Really? As in the Apocalypse?
So Global Warming will hasten the arrival of the Lord?
Well, I'm a Christian so I guess I'm morally obligated to buy a SUV now.
Posted by: Rocks at December 07, 2009 04:48 PM (ToM4s)
Posted by: Rocks at December 07, 2009 04:50 PM (ToM4s)
Posted by: dorkafork at December 07, 2009 04:58 PM (WbRO8)
You'll have to delete all the empty space between the one line and the next. If you highlight everything, you'll see what needs deleted. You'll have to play around with it somewhat to get it working.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 04:59 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Andrew Dice Clay at December 07, 2009 05:05 PM (r7Vc3)
Barrack Obama sang with the Village People.
Al Gore is the village idiot.
Mmmmmm. Mmmmmmm. Mmmmmm.
Posted by: New White Panther at December 07, 2009 05:07 PM (T9goa)
Posted by: Def Leppard at December 07, 2009 05:15 PM (hIOnV)
you know that I would be a liar.
If I was to say to you,
Girl the planet couldn't get much hotter.
Come on baby light my planet on fire,
come on baby light my planet on fire,
try to set the planet on...fire.
The time to hesitate is through,
no time to wallow in the science-mire.
Try now we can only lose,
and our planet become a funeral pyre.
Come on baby light my planet on fire,
come on baby light my planet on fire,
try to set the planet on...FIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRE!
Posted by: Al Gore and The Doors at December 07, 2009 05:24 PM (DrB2V)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 05:34 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Mr. Chumpo at December 07, 2009 05:36 PM (dDysH)
Posted by: ace at December 07, 2009 05:37 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: anonymous at December 07, 2009 05:37 PM (i0WE5)
I talk to the trees
But they don't listen to me
I talk to the stars
But they never hear me
The breeze hasn't time
To stop and hear what I say
I talk to them all in vain
But suddenly my words
Reach someone else's ear
At someone else's heart strings too
I tell you my dreams
And while you're listening to me
I suddenly see them come true
I can see us some April night
Looking out across a rollin' farm
Having supper in the candlelight
Walking later, arm in arm
Then I'll tell you how I pass the day
Thinking mainly how the night would be
Then I'll try to find the words to say
All the things you mean to me
I tell you my dreams
And while you're listening to me
I suddenly see them come true
Posted by: Rose at December 07, 2009 06:00 PM (iFYdl)
Posted by: DeWayne at December 07, 2009 06:01 PM (4hQiP)
Posted by: DeWayne at December 07, 2009 06:03 PM (4hQiP)
Certainly Al Gore wouldnÂ’t take advantage of pushing this hoax for monetary gain? Yeah, and IÂ’m going to boycott Mexican food because of its after effects on both myself and my planet. Actually, if the environmentalists get their way, weÂ’ll each be allowed an individual carbon footprintÂ…so I may just have to cut back on my love of Mexican food because IÂ’d hate to use up my entire carbon allowance on Taco Bell.
Last year, GoreÂ’s company loaned a technology firm $75 million to develop energy efficient products. The companies connected with the firm Gore loaned to happen to have just won more than $560 million in federal grants. IÂ’m not against energy efficiency or Gore doing businessÂ…I am against manipulation for profit.
Should we be respectful to our environment and live in a more economically friendly way? Absolutely! Should we throw trillions of trillions of dollars at something we have been lied to about? No way! Now go have a double decker taco supreme at Taco Bell and enjoy it as though it might be your last taco everÂ…and to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, who thought they were the enlightened one and I was the stupid oneÂ…hereÂ’s a big fat HA! You were dupedÂ…easily duped.
Posted by: sickinmass at December 07, 2009 06:07 PM (Dxfei)
broken wings beat in the night
Three vile beasts approach
Soros the Gorgon
Gore the Cyclops
Obama the Sodomite
Pestilence follows
death cackles in glee
satan smiles serenely
his work done for him
(Now that is sophomoric)
Posted by: Lee at December 07, 2009 06:14 PM (TcVyy)
Posted by: Ashen at December 07, 2009 06:50 PM (oZRcR)
Slouches towards Copenhagen to be born?
Posted by: sherlock at December 07, 2009 06:52 PM (ktKOD)
I think that I shall never spy
A poem lovely as a Gaia.
A globe with shepherds snow and trees
Whose core is millions of degrees;
An earth with rising ocean tide
From models with declines that hide.
Poems are made by men of girth
But only God can heat the earth.
Posted by: Pak at December 07, 2009 07:01 PM (LjPyg)
Ok, you forced my hand. I'll bring out teh sophistication...
Al Gore, Al Gore
He's my leader
He's the one who
Sucks my peter!
Posted by: marmo at December 07, 2009 07:03 PM (Tm9Vp)
It's hard to say whether Al Gore is more of a genius at climate science or poetry. It's pretty much neck and neck from what I can see. And really, after Gore won an Oscar for a PowerPoint presentation and Obama won a Nobel Peace Prize for, well, nothing, is there anyone in this forum, ANYONE, who dares to bet me a months pay that this poem which wins the praise of Vanity Fair won't also win the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry?
Anyone? Anyone?
Posted by: Tantor at December 07, 2009 07:06 PM (Ek/Oc)
Some deny.
And since I just want to conform
I say we need climate reform.
So off to Europe I will fly,
I think I know that the earth hurts
And do not ask me questions why,
We're all experts
And would not lie.
Posted by: Pak at December 07, 2009 07:33 PM (LjPyg)
Epiphany
The weight, the weight: to lose the highest prize,
to that boy of the fraternity;
due that cracker spilling his paternity.
Depths! Despair! And then the epiphany:
Mother Gaia says “For you a higher call
Only you Al, only you can save them all.”
On Google! Go Laptop! They betrayed this country!
Riches, influence, awards; you are a Green force majeure.
Pity the worldÂ’s been feeding your delusions of grandeur.
Your humble servant,
Al Gore
Posted by: motionview at December 07, 2009 08:07 PM (KgG1I)
They were of a made up time
Or of something seen that he liked.
Other makings of the sun
Caused waste and swelter
And the ripe shrub writhed.
His self and the sun were one
And his poems, although makings of his self,
Were no less makings of a sun.
It was not important that they survive.
What mattered was that they should prise
Some lineament or character,
Some affluence, if only half-achieved,
From the poverty of third worlds,
Of the planetary con of which they were part.
Posted by: Deety at December 07, 2009 08:21 PM (aVzyR)
Can some literary/poetry nerd enlighten me as to why the hell that's even a poem?
There's no rhyme, there seems to be no meter or rythm.
It's just unintelligable nonsensical prose.
Posted by: Entropy at December 07, 2009 08:23 PM (cok/k)
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
Posted by: CRU Thinker at December 07, 2009 08:29 PM (SgSfB)
"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing,--
For a crock of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
From The *POOYA Data Cookbook: Global Warming Stew
*Pulled Out Of Your A$$
Posted by: 2nd Witch at December 07, 2009 08:39 PM (SgSfB)
Can some literary/poetry nerd enlighten me as to why the hell that's even a poem?
There's no rhyme, there seems to be no meter or rythm.
It's just unintelligable nonsensical prose.
Posted by: Entropy at December 08, 2009 12:23 AM (cok/k)
I'm no poetry nerd, but -
Um - free verse?
Possibly.
But, usually, free verse is better than . . .
That.
More emotive, evocative.
Solid shit.
Not such a weak and watery squirt of a stool.
Each line building on the last, gathering mass.
Gaining momentum.
Grinding onward to an inevitable
Conclusion.
Posted by: Starboardhelm at December 07, 2009 08:59 PM (SgSfB)
Posted by: cheshirecat at December 07, 2009 09:03 PM (ZHPG2)
Posted by: Charliemax at December 07, 2009 09:17 PM (deFA4)
Caviar Wedges
Only the finest in Copenhagen
The finest minds, the finest scientists
Champions, our saviors will face
A hydra-headed enemy
The consumption of the human race
The singularly wasteful and extravagant pace
Only the finest in Copenhagen
The finest minds, the finest scientists
The finest people, the finest foods
Squid ravioli in lemon grass broth
Goat cheese profiteroles and arugula Caesar salad
Swordfish meatloaf with onion marmalade
Rare roasted partridge breast in raspberry coulis
With a sorrel timbale and, of course,
Grilled free-range rabbit with herbed french fries
Only the finest in Copenhagen
The finest minds, the finest scientists
The finest hotels, the finest service
Jet armadas and limousine fleets
Egyptian cotton, thousand-count sheets
Raging narcissism, free hookers on the streets
Gore's tools, approval stamped for all
Only the finest in Copenhagen
Wait, I have to finish my cabernet
Posted by: Jek Porkins (rdb) at December 07, 2009 09:31 PM (i9FLw)
Posted by: spepper at December 08, 2009 03:25 AM (4qWoA)
a stately pleasure dome decree
Where his mouth, the sphincter kisser ran
down to sunless sea...
bleh.
Posted by: Joy to the whirled at December 08, 2009 04:46 AM (WVBjj)
Posted by: CAD Daddy at December 08, 2009 04:56 AM (T400w)
"Doing a solid" sounds far less like doing a favor for a friend and more like taking a dump for them instead. What it has to do with the actual poem itself is irrelevant. That turn of phrase just sounds nastier than it actually is.
Then again, I guess the editors at VF were taking a dump all over their supposed aesthetic outlooks by publishing Al's poetry. Maybe it's appropriate after all.
Posted by: SoupOrMan at December 08, 2009 05:18 AM (J991N)
That shitty piece of shit poem makes Lee Lee Sobieskis stylings look good.
This Day And All The Rest
One day.
One.
More than another.
The other,
that day,
those people,
too many,
too personal,
but not.
People you know know,
but you yourself know not.
Crashing down,
all frown,
hurting,
walking,
silently screaming,
slowly running,
often feeling nothing.
Seeing the lucky ones fleeing,
seeing those trapped inside.
Cry.
Cry.
It's OK.
It's not OK.
Smile if it's natural
Feel alive.
The president speaks,
The situation reeks an act of war.
I enter my room, close the door
Sit here.
Here where buildings do not fall to the floor.
we young will experience much more
future, liberty, the freedom to mope about in poetry.
My brother I love you.
Old friends and family too.
Safe for now glad to know I'm alive with all of you.
Feel what is real feel later heal.
One.
One person feeling the same as all the rest.
Please let us act and do what is best.
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at December 08, 2009 07:04 AM (hQm0j)
Posted by: Jeffrey Quick at December 08, 2009 07:10 AM (g9neE)
May I put a holiday spin on it????
Every Tool
Down in Tool-ville
Liked CO2 a lot...
But the Gore,
Who lived just North of Tool-ville,
Did NOT!
The Gore hated carbon... The whole CO2 season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. (But the science is settled.)
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight (or worse yet, cowhide...)
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small (probably from the effects of breathing poisoned air).
Every Tool down in Tool-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any carbon at all!
He HADN'T stopped warming from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same! (And now we are wondering who we can blame??)
Posted by: Texmom at December 08, 2009 07:42 AM (WzN8I)
On the thin edge of insanity
All logic disappears
As forked mouth starts to spew
A verbal stench arises
From air-conditioned palatial Tennessee mansion
Where he and Neptune soak in hottubs
Bullshit stacked like mountains
Hopeless naiveté floods the seasons
Hard facts dissolve quickly
Then science is politicized
Payoffs placed in bank accounts
For Elitist's future celebrations
Stark reality
Takes it's leave
Enforcers ready their whips and chains
Nonsense seeks useful idiots as friends
The hell of audacious empowerment
From a steaming hill of dung has begun
The shepherd of all chicken little cries
The hour to hide the data, trick, or treat, has arrived,
Because ...
There is no controlling legal authority.
markusurealious/windpoet
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Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 02:28 PM (UOM48)