Ace of Spades HQ

December 03, 2009

Silver Linings
— LauraW

The only good thing to come out of the Tiger Woods brouhaha.

But Laura Said... [ace]: Silver linings, plural.

The Tiger Voice Mail Slow Jam:

Posted by: LauraW at 12:36 PM | Comments (43)
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

1 The only good thing?

I think you are underestimating the value of that Chinese computer reenactment.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 03, 2009 12:39 PM (FCWQb)

2 Uhm. Speak for yourself, Humpy.

Posted by: Tiger's Spunk at December 03, 2009 12:41 PM (ZvKgM)

3 Don't underestimate the opportunity to engage in some Rule 5 publication of Mrs. Wood's photos.

Posted by: Jim at December 03, 2009 12:42 PM (E725N)

4 That's funny. And amazing they put it together so quickly.

Posted by: Ace's liver at December 03, 2009 12:45 PM (XIXhw)

5 I wonder what the blonde, statue-esqe, regal-looking Mrs. Woods thinks about the fact that her husband seems to be attracted to cheap, slutty-looking women.

Posted by: FUBAR at December 03, 2009 12:45 PM (ZvKgM)

6 Hey, That's not a Tiger, That's a Cheetah! Nyuk nyuk, nyuk!

Posted by: bowel movement at December 03, 2009 12:45 PM (Fd5yK)

7 Golf club with blood one it--->>>awesome.

Posted by: baldilocks at December 03, 2009 12:47 PM (eap28)

8 Are we supposed to run over the babies or avoid them?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 03, 2009 12:48 PM (mGSN1)

O/T Does this mean the Freepers officially endorse Palin as their candidate in '12?

http://tinyurl.com/ydj38z4

Posted by: RushBabe at December 03, 2009 12:49 PM (LKkE8)

10 Wait, the point is to watch him get the piss beat out of him, right? Cos I just won again, I think.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at December 03, 2009 12:50 PM (1LRun)

11 You know,

everyone piles on Tiger, and I'm not condoning what he did, but these cases are not black and white. We have no idea of how well Mr and Mrs Woods were doing.

I laugh when people point out how beautiful Mrs. Woods is (which is true). But if she's not available or interested in getting frisky, what does it matter how beautiful she is? Men, at our heart, are dead simple; feed us, make us feel desired (f*ck us, if one is to be crass), and we'll gladly give our lives for our women. Who knows how things were at home?

I don't understand all the hoopla around this whole sordid affair. He screwed up, but we know no details. He's never tried to be a spokesman for fidelity, and hasn't been judgmental in public that I've seen.

People love to see someone famous fail, for some reason. Jealousy or pettiness, or envy I suppose.

I wish Tiger and his wife well, and hope they can repair their relationship. I would think most decent people would feel the same way, and give them some privacy...

Nah, much more fun to pile on a 33 year old multi-millionaire whose transgression is something that 45% of married people do at least once in their lives..

Posted by: Jayne at December 03, 2009 01:01 PM (/ZaEZ)

I feel oddly compelled to let Barry know that there are a couple of hot numbers out there whose calendars have unexpectedly opened up.

Hey. I'm a giver.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at December 03, 2009 01:02 PM (RkRxq)

13 everyone piles on Tiger, and I'm not condoning what he did, but these cases are not black and white. Posted by: Jayne at December 03, 2009 05:01 PM (/ZaEZ) I. . . umm . . . well . . . no, nothin'. Sorry.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at December 03, 2009 01:09 PM (1LRun)

14 re: 13;

nyuck nyuck nyuck... :-)

Posted by: Jayne at December 03, 2009 01:10 PM (/ZaEZ)

15
It's too bad we didn't get a video like this for the Alec Baldwin voicemail to his daughter. I'm thinking maybe White Zombie could do the background music for that one.

Posted by: MikeO at December 03, 2009 01:12 PM (Ce+tv)

16 http://tinyurl.com/y87fqzn

Oh crap. Elin is playing hardball. An immediate $5 million payment, and $55 million for two more years.

Take that, Ashley Dupre.

Posted by: FUBAR at December 03, 2009 01:14 PM (ZvKgM)

Who's singing that Sexual Chocolate?

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!!

(stomps foot-drops mike)

Posted by: laceyunderalls at December 03, 2009 01:17 PM (pLTLS)

18 Anyway, this poor guy is one of the most talented athletes in what is probably the most physically challenging and grueling game known to man. He makes peanuts compared with the top players in much much easier sports like bicycle racing, greco-roman wrestling, rugby, or tennis. Then we, the fans, expect nothing but purity and gentleness from a man who literally puts his life and health on the line every time he tees up. LEAVE TIGER ALONE!

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at December 03, 2009 01:24 PM (9olrX)

19 That remix was hilarious.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 03, 2009 01:25 PM (mGSN1)

20 Anyway, this poor guy is one of the most talented athletes in what is probably the most physically challenging and grueling game known to man. He makes peanuts compared with the top players in much much easier sports like bicycle racing, greco-roman wrestling, rugby, or tennis. Then we, the fans, expect nothing but purity and gentleness from a man who literally puts his life and health on the line every time he tees up.

LEAVE TIGER ALONE!

I'm with The Dread Pirate Neck Beard here. I once got a hello of a blister playing 18, and it was windy and I get sand and stuff in my eyes. I almost didn't make it to the clubhouse. And I won't even tell you my score...

There's a reason Chuck Norris has a poster of Tiger in his gym...

Posted by: Jayne at December 03, 2009 01:36 PM (/ZaEZ)

Of course Ms. Woods is pissed. If one of the sluts is knocked up, Ms. Woods will lose some serious bucks.

Ain't is strange that slutty looking women so often turn out to be sluts?

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at December 03, 2009 01:45 PM (dQdrY)

#5...Fubar

Precisely what I was thinking.

#11...Jayne

Snap the hell out of it. The Mrs. was apparently interested in getting frisky at least a few times in as much as it appears he was screwing around on her through both of her pregnancies.

I don't think I've heard anyone suggest he lose his livelihood over his personal failures now matter how low he dug into the sewer to find the bilge rats he was sneaking around with.

He has benefitted from his place in the public eye and therefore his indiscretions, too, are open to public comment.

Frankly, all any of this proves is that it's official: He's a man.

Posted by: jmflynny at December 03, 2009 01:50 PM (dwJTY)

23 I'm with The Dread Pirate Neck Beard here. I once got a hello of a blister playing 18, and it was windy and I get sand and stuff in my eyes. I almost didn't make it to the clubhouse. And I won't even tell you my score...

There's a reason Chuck Norris has a poster of Tiger in his gym...

Posted by: Jayne at December 03, 2009 05:36 PM (/ZaEZ)

--Tell me about it!

Posted by: Andrew Bernard at December 03, 2009 01:57 PM (I3Udb)

24 The jokes have been funny... but I can't quite decide which gives me more glee: knowing that two little kids' lives are being ruined for the amusement of others (including Tiger) or watching the destruction of a guy who (unlike our Precedent) worked his ass off all of his life to attain the pinnacle of success in his chosen field based on merit alone.

Fun times, fun times.

Posted by: Y-not at December 03, 2009 02:01 PM (sey23)

25 The jokes have been funny... but I can't quite decide which gives me more glee: knowing that two little kids' lives are being ruined for the amusement of others (including Tiger) or watching the destruction of a guy who (unlike our Precedent) worked his ass off all of his life to attain the pinnacle of success in his chosen field based on merit alone.

Fun times, fun times.

Posted by: Y-not at December 03, 2009 06:01 PM (sey23)

--While I admire Eldrick's work ethic and competitiveness, the bloke brought this on himself; you write as if he is the passive victim of a crime. That he apparently dragged the FHP into the matter to try to keep his public image intact makes it worse (crime/cover-up and all that).

You play, you pay.

Posted by: logprof at December 03, 2009 02:09 PM (I3Udb)

26 Wasn't one of Cheetah Woods' ho's a stripper named Sandy Bunker?

Posted by: logprof at December 03, 2009 02:10 PM (I3Udb)

27 27 Wasn't one of Cheetah Woods' ho's a stripper named Sandy Bunker?

I so love Ace's site; the comments are priceless. I'm thinking of making a coffee table book filled with the 50 top stories and their comments. Or is some hater going to sue my ass? If not, I've got my next fortune made.

Posted by: Jayne at December 03, 2009 02:13 PM (/ZaEZ)

28 Poor poor pitiful Tiger. Worked his way out of the projects by pure sweat of his brow. I hear his mama had to take in laundry to put him through golf school.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at December 03, 2009 02:17 PM (dQdrY)

I'm thinking of making a coffee table book

Jayne, does it have a built in coaster?

Posted by: The Butcher at December 03, 2009 02:21 PM (8g9qq)

30 Here is the Chinese reenactment Drew mentioned -- includes police getting 911 call, slap, chase, and crash.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZsJ-vPFwak
David

Posted by: LifeTrek at December 03, 2009 02:28 PM (tJTIW)

31 I can't quite decide which gives me more glee: knowing that two little kids' lives are being ruined for the amusement of others (including Tiger) or watching the destruction of a guy who (unlike our Precedent) worked his ass off all of his life to attain the pinnacle of success in his chosen field based on merit alone.

Whoa, Sparky. The very worst that'll happen to the two little kids is they grow up obscenely rich with a hot single mom. And Tiger ain't getting destructed. He still has his golf career, though Jesper may kick his ass a few times. The worst that happens to Tiger is his $105 million a year in endorsements gets...sliced in half? Oh, and he has a venereal disease. I'd still trade places with him in a femtosecond.

Posted by: FUBAR at December 03, 2009 02:40 PM (ZvKgM)

32 That remix is wicked.

Posted by: lauraw at December 03, 2009 02:42 PM (DbybK)

33 He makes peanuts compared with the top players in much much easier sports like bicycle racing, greco-roman wrestling, rugby, or tennis.

And what about those Professional Bull Riders? I've seen them earn as much as $40,000 for getting gored and stomped after they've ridden for a puny 8 seconds... sheesh.... I mean golf games go on FOREVER.

Posted by: NunyaBizness at December 03, 2009 04:10 PM (NNXtX)

You know, genius isn't the only word you can't spell without Joy Behar. Rectal thermometer, garbage can lining, rabies, nothing without the Behar.

Was that the same girl in the chinese reenactment that was in the remix pictures? She looked.... different.

Posted by: U.S.S. Yorktown at December 03, 2009 04:22 PM (5RlWq)

35 The neighbors are talking. They say Tiger was lying down next to his car snoring while his wife stayed by his side. This just in. Some people move to South Florida for easy "legal" access to codeine based narcotics. Why is SoFla so liberal in it's attitudes toward "pain" management? I figure it's the large population of old achy fuckers living there. The young fuckers moving there are mostly doing it to feed an appetite. All a theory at this time but I suspect a damn solid one.

Posted by: Tiger by the tail at December 03, 2009 06:13 PM (crDIp)

36 Granted, from the past, I never really grew to "like" the sterling temper tantrum professional poor sport Tiger Woods. When sports moderators stroked him on the golf course, I'd usually roo against him in favor of an underdog going for the title. I don't feel sorry for Tiger. So the news is out that he's a cad, though he loves America and his family. I'm just not interested in dwelling on Tiger's personal life. Yes, his image is tarnished, deservedly. But I don't enjoy hour long rants on talk radio as if this scandal deserves our collective energy distracted from Obama's agenda. Kicking a man while he's down isn't so cool unless you're the wife of the unfaithful cur, or an in-law.

Posted by: Barecock O'Bhrama the Bull at December 04, 2009 05:29 AM (+CLh/)

37 Hey, If ya can't tell funny jokes about a billionaire, then the commies have won.

Posted by: bowel movement at December 04, 2009 08:20 AM (Fd5yK)

38 Tiger!

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39 xxx

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