Ace of Spades HQ

December 07, 2009

Unauthorized Access to the President: Tiger Woods' Eleventh Extramarital Fling?
— Ace

Golf requires Zen-like powers of concentration.
That's why I'm going to be rubbing my joint in the back
of your neck while you putt.

But just the tip, just the tip. I promise, Mr. President.

Yeah I know this is old, and a joke that's been made by now.

But seems like something that I should note here.

In case you care, Tiger liked his sex "frantic" and "desperate," which is... well, normal enough, really. In a perfect world, I mean.

I have heard the number is up to 10, but I don't know, because I don't really read these articles. The only thing I can learn from them is that which I already know: My life is bad.

Thanks to Tim for suggesting I address the Golf Digest cover.

BTW: There are reports that OJ Simspon was beaten in prison, but now there are a bunch of reports of the prison denying that happened.

Fake but Accurate: In case you haven't heard, that really is the cover of Golf Digest. The picture, however, is photoshopped, putting together a Tiger pic and an Obama pic.

Tips Obama Can Learn From Tiger? Slapping me around, having his "frantic" way with me, leaving me looking "like a rag-doll" (as that article on Tiger Woods says)?

I guess Obama has picked up a few tricks from Tiger. Because pretty much America is feeling like Ernie Anastos' marital-aid chicken right about now.

Posted by: Ace at 05:18 PM | Comments (185)
Post contains 258 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Apparently he enjoys pulling women's hair during sex. Why these women were so delusional, thinking they would become the next Mrs. Tiger Woods is beyond me. So sad.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:19 PM (pWzPI)

2 Ha! Is that a real cover or a PS?

Posted by: Amused Observer at December 07, 2009 05:20 PM (Uy/AI)

he's into 'frantic' sex

and married a scandi.....

and this is surprising to anyone?

yo sassy

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:20 PM (2JWYU)

4 Hey Navycop! What up?

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:22 PM (pWzPI)

5 His wife is more attractive than all the women he banged. With the exception of Rachel Uchitel who is pretty hot.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:24 PM (pWzPI)

another day closer to the paradise known as chicago

and the girl has the flu (not swine), we had lunch and it didn't come up so she's doing good it seems, plus i stayed home from playing cabbie

missed the 40+ foot waves but i'll check them out tomorrow

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:25 PM (2JWYU)

7 It's the real cover... my issue arrived Friday. The bad part? Zero on the cover. The good part? An article featuring two golf courses I've played like 10 times in the last month, which is pretty cool.

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 05:25 PM (ddL+W)

Why these women were so delusional, thinking they would become the next Mrs. Tiger Woods is beyond me. So sad.

Women often do dumb things like this, which makes it really hard to take women seriously.

Posted by: katya at December 07, 2009 05:26 PM (VsI0r)

9 Wow. I didn't realize you're going to be in Chicago so soon. You said for the holidays. Hey - you'll never forget Chicago -- it stays with you in your heart wherever you go - even if you live, as you do, in Hawaii. I'm so sorry your little one has the flu, but glad it's not the swine.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:26 PM (pWzPI)

10 TEABAGGER!

Posted by: Anderson Cooper at December 07, 2009 05:27 PM (04p0/)

His wife is more attractive than all the women he banged.

The thrill is in the pursuit. Some people want the unattainable. Then when they attain it, it's on to the next one.

Posted by: katya at December 07, 2009 05:27 PM (VsI0r)

12 7 Thanks

Posted by: Amused Observer at December 07, 2009 05:28 PM (Uy/AI)

13 The timing for Golf Digest, Tiger, and Obama is ball-dippingly sweet.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 07, 2009 05:28 PM (muUqs)

this is true, northsiders will always be northsiders

now if only the damn cubs would win something.....

and true, Rachel Uchitel is teh hawt, in fact, maybe hawter than my wife

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:28 PM (2JWYU)

15 You just know Obama farted when he squat down like that.

Posted by: pajama momma at December 07, 2009 05:29 PM (275r1)

16 Did anyone else see the cover of the tabloid magazine The Globe? It claims that President Obama had a homosexual lover. Am I late to the party on this? I found it hysterically awesome.

Posted by: Uriel at December 07, 2009 05:29 PM (+F8Li)

17 you'll never forget Chicago -- it stays with you in your heart wherever you go - Posted by: Sassypants I can't tell if you're being serious... I don't want to say anything negative if you really feel that way.....

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 05:29 PM (ddL+W)

18 5 His wife is more attractive than all the women he banged. With the exception of Rachel Uchitel who is pretty hot.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 09:24 PM (pWzPI)

WORD.

Posted by: Rachel Uchitel at December 07, 2009 05:29 PM (DrB2V)

19 Rachel Uchitel?...never heard of her.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at December 07, 2009 05:30 PM (DrB2V)

20 Actually, from that angle, it looks like Tiger is about to place that flag in a "strategic" location.

Posted by: Techie at December 07, 2009 05:30 PM (cxW4X)

21
That dipstick Tiger is holding shows the one is about 2 quarts low of bullshit.

Posted by: Flying Monkey at December 07, 2009 05:30 PM (Oxen1)

22 Well, I never saw those bikini shots of your wife, Navycop, but from what the girls were saying, your wife is pretty damn hot. But yeah, Rachel has something special the other trashy women don't. Amen re: the Cubs. But I've given up hoping they'd win something. I remember going to the games back in high school, sitting in the bleachers, having a great time, even when the loudmouth guys would be pouring beer down the backs of our shirts. Good times.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:31 PM (pWzPI)

I don't want to say anything negative if you really feel that way.....

and terry's survival instinct kicked in

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:31 PM (2JWYU)

24 Takes branding to a whole new level. I will never look at the Tiger brand in the same way as well as that stupid "O". Oh well, go Phil Michelson! Nice timing on the Fake but Accurate addition. My husband didn't believe that was in fact the cover. Though he is trying to claim half credit.

Posted by: Trish at December 07, 2009 05:32 PM (0U5Kd)

25 In case you care, Tiger liked his se "frantic" and "desperate" which is...well, normal enough, really.

Yeah, but most of us don't do it against the side of a Cadillac Escalade. I don't think I've even seen that in a Skinemax movie...

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 05:32 PM (otlXg)

26 17 - Of course, I was being serious.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:32 PM (pWzPI)

27 The linked article implies that Tiger bears the hallmarks of a sex addict. One of his mistresses notes that he acts shy in public but he is really sort of swaggering macho. THIS sounds like a sex addict I went to school with. He had a public tendency to blush, and act shy and yet he HAD to sleep with any woman he talked whether he liked them or not. We sat in a library while he told me that he wanted a girlfriend and gave me the blushing smile as if, lucky ME, I could be next. I once sat across from a beautiful woman at a coffee shop while he drew a chair near our table and proceeded to flirt with BOTH of us and thought we didn't notice???? He never could figure out why I would not 'date' him - I eventually pointed out that he didn't even like me and that he was compulsive around women. He indirectly admitted that he just 'has to make a woman say yes'. Even now, when we run into each other, he 'replays' his 'ooooh I have eyes for you' script compulsively as if he can't remember that I told him that he was a sex addict and that, actually, he didn't like me. NTTAWWT

Posted by: ransomnote at December 07, 2009 05:32 PM (SI17F)

, even when the loudmouth guys would be pouring beer down the backs of our shirts.

i would call that alcohol abuse but we're talking about old style

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:32 PM (2JWYU)

29 Tiger's certainly was one of the more spectacular crash and burns in recent memory.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at December 07, 2009 05:34 PM (554T5)

30 That Rachel Uchitel is hawty-hawt!...but HELL, who'm I kidding?...I'd HIT 'em ALL!!!...'specially, the trailer trash from the IHOP...HOOOOO-EEEEEE!!!

Posted by: Slick Willie at December 07, 2009 05:34 PM (DrB2V)

31 Tiger is going to get raped in the divorce.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at December 07, 2009 05:35 PM (muUqs)

32 Also, what makes you think the women wanted "to be the next Ms. Tiger Woods".

How about "Holy Shit, I just had sex with Tiger Woods!" Seems like motivation enough.

Comment on Detroit sports talkradio made me think: all the cocktail waitresses, a diner waitress and a porn star. I'd buy that Tiger has a sex addiction. That man was desperate.

Posted by: Techie at December 07, 2009 05:35 PM (cxW4X)

33 27 The linked article implies that Tiger bears the hallmarks of a sex addict. One of his mistresses notes that he acts shy in public but he is really sort of swaggering macho.........

Hey...wait a minute?...I've heard that somewhere before!

Posted by: Slick Willie at December 07, 2009 05:36 PM (DrB2V)

34 you'll never forget Chicago -- it stays with you in your heart wherever you go -

It also sticks to your shoes.

Posted by: darwin laughed at December 07, 2009 05:36 PM (PD1tk)

35 28 - that was back in say, 1985 or 1986 - you know, that time when the Cubs almost won the World Series, but choked due to Sutcliff's abominable pitching. Again, good times.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:36 PM (pWzPI)

36 His wife is more attractive than all the women he banged. Posted by: Sassypants I stood next to her at Tiger's golf tournament a few years ago... she's attractive, but honestly, if you were at say, UCLA in the summertime, you would not pick her out as one of the more attractive females around you. Not that that has anything to do with cheating on your wife..

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 05:37 PM (ddL+W)

37 Good luck chasing my records now, Tiger!

Posted by: Jack Nicklaus at December 07, 2009 05:38 PM (DrB2V)

38 According to an AP article linked by Patterico, the black community is in an uproar about this because Tiger married a white woman and all the alleged mistresses are white. So Tiger is a race traitor. Or something.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:38 PM (gofDd)

39 33 - if you read some of the articles, the women stated that they were hoping that they would be the next Mrs. Tiger Woods.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:38 PM (pWzPI)

40 Add Golf Digest to the the list of sycophantic media cocksuckers. Oh Oh!.... Can I say "cocksuckers" on the Internet???

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (QECjC)

41 The unthinkable is possible: Tiger may get booed at the Masters come April.

Southern Gentry prefer their infidelities kept on the hush-hush-down-low.

Posted by: Techie at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (cxW4X)

42 #32 Eww, if that's true---incest is best relatively speaking? Or one of those Oedipal complex things. Yuck!

That could be. Wasn't it mostly just Tiger's father that was pushing his son to be a golf pro?

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (otlXg)

another day closer to the paradise known as chicago

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 09:25 PM (2JWYU)

The weather is beautiful here. Tons of global warming. Snow for the next 2 days then sub-freezing temperatures then more snow. Ah Chicago, it's Siberia on the lake.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (mK0xj)

44 Hey...I'd like a Tiger in my tank too...wink wink.

Posted by: Vera Baker at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (/hpsh)

Let's see, I know being 5 under par on a single hole is called an "Ostrich" (and has never been recorded), but what's it called when you're 10 OVER par on a single hole?

Posted by: Sharkman at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (Zj8fM)

46 if you were at say, UCLA in the summertime, you would not pick her out as one of the more attractive females around you Yes, UCLA girls are definitely teh hawt. More so than at Berkeley, that's for sure. (For those who don't know, I'm a UCLA girl.

) The guys...not so much.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:39 PM (gofDd)

47 I'd say she's cute, but gorgeous? Meh.

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 07, 2009 05:40 PM (GF+6V)

holy crap, vivid is offering a 5 million dollar contract to any of the women he slept with

they get paid anyway!!

shit, for 5 million i'll screw him

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:40 PM (2JWYU)

49 A punchline in search of a Tiger Woods joke...

It's in the hole!

Posted by: DrewM. at December 07, 2009 05:41 PM (FCWQb)

50 Okay, morons. Let's be honest here.

If Teh Tiger wasn't the great golfer he is, he'd be an Urkel working in a cubicle somewhere. If he was lucky. He's not great looking, kind of average, and he's married to a hot Swedish model and has two beautiful children. He's a narcissist and a dick (helloooo, Barry O) and thinks his money makes him god-like.

If I were Elin, his wife, I'd be lawyering up big time. And have my gyno on speed dial to be checked for STDs. And I wouldn't be at all surprised to see one of these "mistresses" (please), come up with another little baby Tiger.

What a soap opera.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 05:41 PM (UOM48)

51 this story cries out for an Golf Digest article title contest.

Posted by: mark c at December 07, 2009 05:41 PM (SBIko)

52 We had an entire thread of Tiger Woods jokes a few days ago or so.

Posted by: Techie at December 07, 2009 05:41 PM (cxW4X)

53
The difference between men and women?
A.J. Benza put it succinctly years ago on Howard Stern. He said you could look at any beautiful woman in the world and know there was at least one guy that got tired of banging her.

Posted by: Flying Monkey at December 07, 2009 05:41 PM (Oxen1)

54 QuietMan - weather sounds awful there. That's too bad. I just came back from Chicago last week, and the weather was perfect for that time of year. I'm going back in February. Should be nice and freezing then.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:42 PM (pWzPI)

55 40 According to an AP article linked by Patterico, the black community is in an uproar about this because Tiger married a white woman and all the alleged mistresses are white. So Tiger is a race traitor. Or something.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 09:38 PM (gofDd)

We've come so far!

Posted by: Jesse Jackson, RP (Race Pimp) at December 07, 2009 05:42 PM (DrB2V)

56 Women often do dumb things like this, which makes it really hard to take women seriously.

+5

Posted by: HeatherRadish at December 07, 2009 05:42 PM (OkT2m)

57 Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 09:41 PM (UOM4

I've seen some web sites that say she's already moved out.

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 07, 2009 05:42 PM (GF+6V)

58 It's nice to know the media is on this and has never heard of Obamacare or Climatequiddick.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:42 PM (gofDd)

45 what is this snow you mentioned?

sub-freezing? dude, it got down to 70 last night, hell, i'm wearing underarmor gear right now cause its cold!

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:43 PM (2JWYU)

60 #48 Yes, UCLA girls are definitely teh hawt. More so than at Berkeley, that's for sure. (For those who don't know, I'm a UCLA girl.

Here's the obligatory "pics or it didn't happen" comment.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 05:43 PM (otlXg)

61 That's right, Jane. If I were Elin, I so would be at the gyno's office right now checking for every sexual disease known to man and then some. Cause you just know he didn't use a condom, what with his need for frantic, desperate sex.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 05:44 PM (pWzPI)

62 41,
I think that they are playing the 'oh my broken heart' role in the hope that we will not see them for promiscuous status seekers. I think Clinton's girlfriend set the stage for that by both referring to 'intern knee pads' and then playing the 'he said we would always be together' card. So was it status seeking (yes) or the poor girl was manipulated by a naughty man (both were manipulating each other...oh...I just grossed myself out). So I don't think most will have ever thought of becoming Mrs. Tiger Woods - especially given they had proof that he cheats on his wife.

Posted by: ransomnote at December 07, 2009 05:44 PM (SI17F)

63 No, really Mr. President, it's very relaxing and not gay at all, especially when you do the tapping motion. Honest!

Posted by: Tiger at December 07, 2009 05:44 PM (Ko4Av)

64 @ 57 In the same article, a woman is quoted as saying that most of the black community wouldn't have voted for Obama if he'd married a white woman. They could get past his being half white and not descended from slaves because he married a black woman.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:45 PM (gofDd)

That linked article read like a bad Harlequin romance novel.

But, hey, who among us hasn't been so desperate to get it on that we drove to a church parking lot and had sex up against the side of our Cadillac?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at December 07, 2009 05:45 PM (RZ8pf)

66 It's nice to know the media is on this and has never heard of Obamacare or Climatequiddick.

All that stuff is above their comprehension level. This is where they're in their comfort zone.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at December 07, 2009 05:45 PM (554T5)

67 this story cries out for an Golf Digest article title contest.

Improve your stroke the Tiger Woods way.

Posted by: toby928 at December 07, 2009 05:46 PM (PD1tk)

68 Some of our cheerleaders, just for you, Kratos: http://tinyurl.com/yfoxwz8

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:46 PM (gofDd)

They could get past his being half white and not descended from slaves because he married a black woman klingon.

fify

Posted by: navycopjoe at December 07, 2009 05:47 PM (2JWYU)

70 This reminds of the problems that Steve Garvey had with his zipper when he moved south down here. Had several women pregnant at one point.

The good part: the Catholic Bishop down here publicly rebuked him as teh Garv was on one of the Bishop's boards.

The fun part: The most popular bumper sticker at the time was "Honk if Steve Garvey's your Padre".

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 07, 2009 05:47 PM (GF+6V)

71 Because we at UCLA are not dirty hippies, just stupid liberals. So we actually shave and make sure we look pretty.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:48 PM (gofDd)

"We barely made it in the door before he threw me up against the wall and tore at my clothes. His pounding manhood was pressing desperately against my stomach and he urged me to wrap my legs around him and hold on beause it was gonna get down and dirty. And it did. Oh, baby, it did."

There, do you think I can fake a claim that I slept with Tiger as well and cash in on some of the money?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at December 07, 2009 05:49 PM (RZ8pf)

73 (For those who don't know, I'm a UCLA girl. ) Posted by: wherestherum I graduated from UCSB, but since we don't have a football team, I adopted the Bruins as my team... had to "keep it in the family".

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 05:49 PM (ddL+W)

74 He's broken his word, screwed the pooch, betrayed those who trusted him, created a pr disaster and set a terrible example.

And then there's the other guy in the photo, Tiger Woods.

Posted by: Noel at December 07, 2009 05:50 PM (Hh13R)

75 Tiger's a piker.

Posted by: Wilt Chamberlain at December 07, 2009 05:50 PM (554T5)

76 Because we at UCLA are not dirty hippies, just stupid liberals. So we actually shave and make sure we look pretty.

No Stanford women please.

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 07, 2009 05:50 PM (GF+6V)

77 Tiger's sort of hapa. His mom was Asian, so like Teh Bamster, he's not down for the struggle per say (not really "black enough") Tiger himself doesn't think he's black. He made up some word to include all the different races he is. But the black community adopted him as their own...until now. And now all the black women are bitching again about how all the white women take the good black men. Guess none of them ever looked in the mirror and saw why al lot of successful black men don't marry their own.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:50 PM (gofDd)

78 71 Some of our cheerleaders, just for you, Kratos.

Yowzas. Thanks, rum! They haven't been in any Skinemax flicks, but no woman can be completely perfect.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 05:50 PM (otlXg)

79 I wonder what the Precedents handicap is?

Posted by: steevy at December 07, 2009 05:51 PM (Yed8W)

80 I graduated from UCSB, but since we don't have a football team, I adopted the Bruins as my team... had to "keep it in the family". Go Gauchos! It's too bad UCLA's football team is teh suxx right now, though. I didn't watch the UCLA-USC game because I knew the loss would be brutal.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:51 PM (gofDd)

It's in the hole!

what's Tiger Woods' favorite expression when he's not on the golf course.

Posted by: mark c at December 07, 2009 05:52 PM (SBIko)

82 Kawasaki!

What do you mean, the wrong hole?

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 07, 2009 05:52 PM (GF+6V)

83 I wonder what the Precedents handicap is?

Let's see...where should I start?

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at December 07, 2009 05:53 PM (554T5)

84 Any of you morons remember when Tiger won his first Masters? The Orca had him on her show and proclaimed him my son. Is there anything that fame whore doesn't claim when it's fresh and shiny?

And thanks, Orca, for declaring Obumbles the one we have been waiting for. Stupid cow.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 05:54 PM (UOM48)

85 80 Tiger's a piker.

Posted by: Wilt Chamberlain at December 07, 2009 09:50 PM (554T5)

WORD!

Posted by: Gene Simmons at December 07, 2009 05:54 PM (DrB2V)

86 #76 "We barely made it in the door before he threw me up against the wall and tore at my clothes. His pounding manhood was pressing desperately against my stomach and he urged me to wrap my legs around him and hold on beause it was gonna get down and dirty. And it did. Oh, baby, it did."

There, do you think I can fake a claim that I slept with Tiger as well and cash in on some of the money?

I think that statement could be golden with a few touches. For example, this wall could be in Tiger's Den somewhere. And you've got to work the underwear that's Tiger's mother's favorite color somewhere in there.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 05:55 PM (otlXg)

87 ...but the pros who have seen him said he was an hack.

We knew that, we want to know about his golf game.

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 07, 2009 05:55 PM (GF+6V)

88 I didn't watch the UCLA-USC game because I knew the loss would be brutal. Posted by: wherestherum uhmm.. yeah. I "forgot" to watch the game this year as well.. hahaha

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 05:55 PM (ddL+W)

89 It also sticks to your shoes.

LOL

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 07, 2009 05:55 PM (EL+OC)

90 67 @ 57

In the same article, a woman is quoted as saying that most of the black community wouldn't have voted for Obama if he'd married a white woman. They could get past his being half white and not descended from slaves because he married a black woman.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 09:45 PM (gofDd)

There are a lot of male black celebrities and athletes that are married to white women. However, there are very few male white celebrities and or athletes that are married to black women. What does the black community think of that?

Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at December 07, 2009 05:56 PM (Vu6sl)

91 Of topic,,,,Tomatoes thrown at Palin says Fox.

Posted by: awkward davies at December 07, 2009 05:56 PM (wb68R)

92 this story cries out for an Golf Digest article title contest.

Rachel Uchitel: Make his putter flutter; 10 tips for bagging a champion.

Posted by: toby928 at December 07, 2009 05:57 PM (PD1tk)

93 91 I figured he was really bad.If he shot anything halfway decent %90 of the media would orgasm on the air over it.

Posted by: steevy at December 07, 2009 05:57 PM (Yed8W)

94 However, there are very few male white celebrities and or athletes that are married to black women. What does the black community think of that? I haven't heard anyone say anything about that. All I hear is complaining about how all the good black men are taken by white women.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 05:57 PM (gofDd)

95 But the black community adopted him as their own...until now.

Interesting, considering "unpoliced sexuality" was part of what made Toni Morrison declare Bill Clinton the first black president (along with fatherlessness and McDonald's). And being a cheating dawg didn't hurt Kobe Bryant...

Posted by: HeatherRadish at December 07, 2009 05:58 PM (OkT2m)

96 At the rate we are going, maybe the tabloids can make a list of woman who did not sleep with Tiger. It will probably be shorter.

Posted by: qwerty1 at December 07, 2009 05:58 PM (eM8F0)

97 100 Black women are the most race loyal of all the racial groups.

Posted by: steevy at December 07, 2009 05:58 PM (Yed8W)

98 Tomatoes thrown at Palin? By whom? Kathleen Parker? Andrew Sullivan? Tingle Boy Mathews? Katie Couric? So many possibilities.......

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 05:58 PM (UOM48)

I donÂ’t know what set Elin Woods offÂ… All Tiger said was Â“Rachel has a much a tighter grip."

Posted by: redrock at December 07, 2009 05:59 PM (VSWPU)

100 Ok, so tell me what I'm doing wrong in Chicago... I went for the first time last year, and I'm going back next week. Stayed in a nice hotel near the waterfront, and after going to the observation deck in the Hancock building (which was very cool), I was out of ideas. What else should I check out?

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 05:59 PM (ddL+W)

101 I hear Mrs. Woods is pregnant again. Tiger had another accident while trying to pull out.

Posted by: redrock at December 07, 2009 06:00 PM (VSWPU)

102 Jack Nicklaus? He was great in Chinatown.

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 07, 2009 06:00 PM (DtTM9)

103 Terry - lots to check out. Start with an architectural boat tour which you can grab at the Wrigley Building off Michigan Ave. It's an hour and half and it's fascinating. There are a ton of excellent restaurants to choose from. Where will you be staying next week? That might be helpful.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:01 PM (pWzPI)

104 runningrn, I always love when USC gets beat, especially by a team that's considered "inferior." Their loss to Stanford a couple years ago was sweet, sweet schadenfreude. Then UCLA lost to Stanford this year. *facepalm*

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 06:01 PM (gofDd)

105 #67 WTM Because he married a black woman.... I think the correct way of saying it would be "he married a proper LIBERAL black woman." We saw what happens to really qualified black women who are not liberal enough, or not at all.

Posted by: mystry at December 07, 2009 06:01 PM (kmgIE)

106 109 Tomatoes thrown at Palin? By whom? Kathleen Parker? Andrew Sullivan? Tingle Boy Mathews? Katie Couric? So many possibilities.......

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 09:58 PM (UOM4

Probably thrown by a compassionate and caring liberal...story sez he missed Palin, but hit a cop in the face!...that's gonna leave a mark (on the perp!).

Posted by: billygoat at December 07, 2009 06:02 PM (DrB2V)

107 Tiger was a mailbox and a utility pole short of his first Â“grand slam.Â”

Posted by: redrock at December 07, 2009 06:02 PM (VSWPU)

108 Two dicks on one cover. Cool.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 06:02 PM (UOM48)

109

what do baseball and Tiger's sex life have in common?

they both involve extra innings.

Posted by: mark c at December 07, 2009 06:03 PM (SBIko)

110 Two dicks on one cover. Cool.

Hot.

Posted by: Milky Glutes at December 07, 2009 06:03 PM (OkT2m)

111 Garretts popcorn moved into the Loop for the time being. I would also check out Millenium Park, also in the Loop but it's kind of a kick.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:04 PM (pWzPI)

112 Chicago?...Art Institute is a must stop.

Posted by: billygoat at December 07, 2009 06:04 PM (DrB2V)

113 Hey, they were supposed to p-shop me into the photo, too. Hee hee

Posted by: zombie michael jackson at December 07, 2009 06:05 PM (Vc/xe)

114 TigerÂ’s wife isnÂ’t too disappointed. Not only will she collect a lot of money, but she claims that sex with Tiger was below par- he always shot that hole in less than 4 strokes!

Posted by: redrock at December 07, 2009 06:05 PM (VSWPU)

115 Is that Cheeseburger Cheeseburger place still open in Chicago?

Posted by: toby928 at December 07, 2009 06:05 PM (PD1tk)

116 Wilt Chamberlain's record may be in jeopardy.

Posted by: profligatewaste at December 07, 2009 06:05 PM (b3rrc)

117 Also, Terry - go to Rockit Bar for good food. And The Underground is great if you like a good club scene. I believe that's the hottest one right now.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:05 PM (pWzPI)

118 129 - that's officially called Billy Goat Tavern, and I would avoid it unless you want to rinse your mouth out with bactine.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:06 PM (pWzPI)

119 here's something not many people are talking about... if Tiger had hit his wife a few times with a golf club (deadly weapon?), he would be looking at Serious Jail Time (as would any other male that attacked a woman)....

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 06:07 PM (ddL+W)

120 Wilt Chamberlain's record may be in jeopardy.

What the heck does Tiger Woods have to do with Nazi appeasement?

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 07, 2009 06:07 PM (DtTM9)

121 129 Is that Cheeseburger Cheeseburger place still open in Chicago?

Posted by: toby928 at December 07, 2009 10:05 PM (PD1tk)

The Billygoat Tavern...yes.

Posted by: billygoat at December 07, 2009 06:07 PM (DrB2V)

122

I don't mean to be rude, but I think this guy is a racist.

Got any Black ho you screwing? This one is the first non blond.

What's up with that Tiger boy, you don't like the sisters?

Posted by: Shelia Jackson Lee the brain dead at December 07, 2009 06:07 PM (2+9Yx)

123 Lived in the western suburbs of Chicago for six years. Belonged to the Field Museum (loved it), the Shedd Aquarium, the Brookfield Zoo. Chicago is a nice town. In the summer. It sucks balls in the winter.

Love living in Savannah, GA. Just pray like hell every.single.year. for no hurricanes. We'll be picking about 800 oranges of one of our trees this week. And a few dozen lemons off our much smaller lemon tree.

Bite me, suckas!

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at December 07, 2009 06:07 PM (UOM48)

124 ...and I would agree with Sassypants.

Posted by: billygoat at December 07, 2009 06:08 PM (DrB2V)

125 I'm doing good, runningrn. How are the holidays coming along for you? We had a turkeyless Thanksgiving, but had prime rib instead so at least it wasn't vegetarian. My mom made a real Thanksgiving dinner last Saturday so I got my turkey.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 06:08 PM (gofDd)

126 Reading that article finally............

Gotta love the British press sometimes. The photo captions are priceless.

Posted by: Techie at December 07, 2009 06:09 PM (cxW4X)

127 if Tiger had hit his wife a few times with a golf club (deadly weapon?), he would be looking at Serious Jail Time (as would any other male that attacked a woman).... Two words: OJ Simpson

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 06:09 PM (gofDd)

128 One final note on Chicago restaurants. I just went to a great place for dinner there called Prosecco (they have a website), wonderful upscale Italian food. It's at 710 N. Wells in between Huron and Erie. I highly, highly recommend it to any of the morons here who will be traveling to the Windy City. It's also very romantic (in case you're going to be with a significant other).

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:09 PM (pWzPI)

129 I gots the Mandigo fever, give me teh black snake!!

Posted by: Bambi at December 07, 2009 06:10 PM (2+9Yx)

130 What about Carl's Chophouse? - they claimed to be the 2nd best steak house in the country, not #1 mind you so its got to be true.

Posted by: toby928 at December 07, 2009 06:10 PM (PD1tk)

131 Did you hear that Tiger is changing his nickname? Yeah, itÂ’s still in the cat family: Cheetah.

Posted by: redrock at December 07, 2009 06:11 PM (VSWPU)

132 For steak, I would either go to Gene & Georgetti's, or stick with the excellent upscale chain The Capital Grille.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:11 PM (pWzPI)

133 Thanks for all the great Chicago tips!! I forget the name of the hotel, but it's right near the Hancock building.

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 06:12 PM (ddL+W)

134 148 - The Westin, perhaps? That's right across from the Hancock.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:12 PM (pWzPI)

135 Terry -- you will fall in love with Chicago, and want to return over and over again.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:15 PM (pWzPI)

136 @85 steevy

I wonder what the Precedents handicap is?

Profound Mental Retardation

Posted by: MikeO at December 07, 2009 06:16 PM (Ce+tv)

137

43 The unthinkable is possible: Tiger may get booed at the Masters come April.

Southern Gentry prefer their infidelities kept on the hush-hush-down-low.

No we're to polite for that shit, this isn't long island. He'll be ignored and get the silent treatment.

What is really bad, is he's fucked it up for all the other whoring PGA players, AND guests!!

Posted by: Kemp at December 07, 2009 06:16 PM (2+9Yx)

138 Two words: OJ Simpson Posted by: wherestherum first: well played second: dude is in jail (hey, i'm a guy, I Need to be right.. hahahaha)

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 06:16 PM (ddL+W)

139

Tip #1: Mindy Lawton

Tip #2: Kalika Moquin

Tip #3: Jaimee Grubbs

Tip #4: Rachel Uchitel

Tip #5: Jamie Junger

Tip #6: Cori Rist

Tip #7: Holly Sampson

Tip #8: Unnamed British Sportscaster

Tip #9: Unnamed Florida woman

Tip #10: Divorce

Posted by: braininahat at December 07, 2009 06:16 PM (pYjNw)

140 second: dude is in jail (hey, i'm a guy, I Need to be right.. hahahaha Even if he's in jail now for something else, at least the mofo is now in a prison cell and now living large on his NFL retirement money after murdering his wife.

Posted by: wherestherum at December 07, 2009 06:19 PM (gofDd)

141 Just looked it up... it's the Park Hyatt on Michigan Ave.

Posted by: Terry at December 07, 2009 06:22 PM (ddL+W)

142 Oh, Terry - the Park Hyatt on Michigan is beautiful and a stellar hotel. You will love, love, love it.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:26 PM (pWzPI)

143 Heh...was just over at D Schlussel; Tiger's new Nike slogan, "Just Do Me".

Posted by: billygoat at December 07, 2009 06:26 PM (DrB2V)

144 How stupid is Tiger Woods to think that women will keep their mouths shut? And I disagree w/ Sassypants. Uchitel has fake collagen filled lips. She's scary. Tiger's wife is hotter than all of them. It's going to be the most expensive sex in the history of the world.

Posted by: Moron at December 07, 2009 06:30 PM (2h3VW)

145 159 - wow. I couldn't tell the lips were fake. But that still doesn't take away from her hotness.

Posted by: Sassypants at December 07, 2009 06:35 PM (pWzPI)

146 Can all the gals get together for a class action suit?

Posted by: mystry at December 07, 2009 06:43 PM (kmgIE)

147 47

Let's see, I know being 5 under par on a single hole is called an "Ostrich" (and has never been recorded), but what's it called when you're 10 OVER par on a single hole?

Not sure about 10. At 8 under Tiger had what we technically refer to in golf as 'an octopus.'

Posted by: girlsgonegop at December 07, 2009 07:25 PM (FiIvG)

148 There's some good, subrosa old-timey, ni**er-hating shit here.

Wouldn't it be great to live in an America when you could just say it proud?

Posted by: David Duke at December 07, 2009 07:25 PM (/gil1)

149 Underneath, ace, you're vile scum.

But, funny!

Posted by: David Duke at December 07, 2009 07:27 PM (/gil1)

150 Dukes of Hazard was a great show.

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 07, 2009 07:33 PM (DtTM9)

151 and erg's got nuthin'

Posted by: situation normal at December 07, 2009 07:36 PM (PD1tk)

152 Erg's typical race-baiting BS. Notice how easily it brought up racial epithets?

Don't go back to the Colorado Department mad - just fuck off already.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at December 07, 2009 07:39 PM (otlXg)

153 Yeah I know this is old, and a joke that's been made by now.

Considering we're still trying to figure out what par is for the seventh hole...it's not really that old.

Posted by: DngrMse at December 07, 2009 07:40 PM (LWPer)

154 Read through the thread, nikless. Some great stuff.

Keep it up knuckleheads. White Party. Party on.

Posted by: David Duke at December 07, 2009 07:40 PM (/gil1)

155 race-baiting erg, your mop is lonely.

Posted by: situation normal at December 07, 2009 07:50 PM (PD1tk)

156 Race! Gender! Class!

Posted by: Typical Lefty College Student at December 07, 2009 07:55 PM (ItSLQ)

157 Here's the feckless cunt strategy of your GOP: Suddenly, champions of medicare (death panels! Granny, you're gonna die!). Hypocritical assholes.

Second prong of attack: !!Mexicans!!

Could work!

In '35 German plebiscite, you're nazis (surprise!).

Fuck you.

Posted by: David Duke at December 07, 2009 08:00 PM (/gil1)

158 it's nice of the Duke to drop in. He's like Gabby Hayes with Tourettes.

Posted by: mark c at December 07, 2009 08:08 PM (SBIko)

159 Well Barry's only half-coon so he's ok by me.

Posted by: Senator Bobby KKK Byrd (R, has to be!) at December 07, 2009 08:12 PM (DtTM9)

160 Those toilets aren't going to scrub themselves, ergy. Get cracking before you lose your comfy sinecure.

Posted by: situation normal at December 07, 2009 08:16 PM (PD1tk)

161 Claiming to be a sex addict and going to rehab is his only way out of this mess if he wants to keep the things that are important in his life--his endorsement contracts (forget the wife; she's gone).

Posted by: Eddie Baby at December 07, 2009 08:28 PM (LbTt5)

162 163 girlsgonegop - Nice. David Duke - see you in Hell.

Posted by: Sharkman at December 07, 2009 08:31 PM (S18Ih)

163 Oh my, we appear to have a troll infestation.

Anyone got any Grant's Troll Stakes?

Y'know, the kind that sticks to their feet, then they track it back to Kos or LGF and everyone eats it and croaks?

Posted by: mrkwong at December 07, 2009 08:37 PM (G8Eo0)

164 <whisper> "I like my sex frantic and desperate, like your Presidency"

Posted by: mrkwong at December 07, 2009 08:40 PM (G8Eo0)

165 I think the tiger wood is the NO.1 in the golf and education.

Posted by: Laptop-battery at December 07, 2009 08:49 PM (6TMLu)

166

Wait one cotton-pikcing-moment! How is it old-timey racism? I thought old-timey was unabashed, out in the open racism? Hmmm....

Wait! How in the hell is it sub rosa?

Oh well -- Just words.

Posted by: braininahat at December 07, 2009 08:58 PM (N1P27)

167 Is that Cheeseburger Cheeseburger place still open in Chicago?

Posted by: toby928 at December 07, 2009 10:05 PM (PD1tk)

Cheeseburger?

Oh, you mean Cheeseboigah.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at December 07, 2009 09:11 PM (xIqkW)

168 I suppose, given the thickness of his, uh, bankroll, that we ought not be surprised he's got more girlfriends than the rest of us have fingers.

Posted by: mrkwong at December 07, 2009 09:14 PM (G8Eo0)

169 Tiger Woods' Eleventh Extramarital Fling?

Eleven? And possibly counting? Whoa. What a slut.

Stay the hell away from me, Tiger. Go sit over there with Gene S., Wilt C., and STD.

Posted by: The Chicken at December 07, 2009 09:54 PM (50S+L)

170 Tiger, you're fired!

Posted by: The Donald, Scorned Women & Endorsements at December 07, 2009 09:56 PM (50S+L)

171 You know, I really need to read the thread before commenting. The clever dicks beat me to beating the stupid one.

Posted by: The Chicken at December 07, 2009 10:03 PM (50S+L)

172 Chicken - the clever dicks we beat, the stupid ones we just bite off.

Posted by: mrkwong at December 07, 2009 10:15 PM (G8Eo0)

173 Right now there's guys lining up like a Mens Wearhouse bukkake flick (the rest of you can google it when you get home) to get a piece of Elin and her presumed $300M settlement.

She needs a good attorney - and a shotgun.

Posted by: mrkwong at December 07, 2009 10:25 PM (G8Eo0)

174 It's inconceivable to me to think that the entire world didn't know there were golf groupies just like for baseball, football, basketball, soccer players, rock stars, politicians, and well any person with money. The only question is will there be 18 holes, or will the Tiger tally constitute a full tournament 72?

Posted by: Eric at December 07, 2009 11:24 PM (Qc/s6)

175

In the photo is the hat that Obama is wearing with his own logo-not U.S.-part of the photoshop or is he just that arrogant?

Posted by: fightobama at December 08, 2009 01:03 AM (6IV8T)

176 it's probably been mentioned but;
someone with PS skills should flop Tiggers unit over OB's nose like a turkey snood.....

Lord I despise that man...........

Posted by: Lurker at December 08, 2009 01:45 AM (8iTbj)

177 53

"Turkey in the Woods"

Posted by: Lurker at December 08, 2009 01:54 AM (8iTbj)

178 Don't be surprised if the number jumps to 18. Thats the number of holes (wh*res) he's used to playing. I doubt if they are all birdies.

Posted by: GenArmistead at December 08, 2009 05:39 AM (+IYcL)

179

Gives a whole new meaning to "in the hole"

Maybe the Tiger fans will start yelling, "in the Ho"

Posted by: Kemp at December 08, 2009 05:52 AM (2+9Yx)

180 Everyone kept yelling, "Put it in the hole!" So I did. Wait, you meant that hole? Jeez I am screwed.

Posted by: Tiger Woods at December 08, 2009 06:08 AM (MmF0K)

181 See this photoshop of the Golf Digest cover: tinyurl.com/yfe8fdx

Posted by: Justin Camp at December 08, 2009 06:15 AM (nF4Jh)

182 Just went out to pick up the mail. This magazine cover was there to greet me, right under my property tax notice. There is a connection there somehow.

Posted by: mama winger at December 08, 2009 07:13 AM (Ue9UN)

183 We are professional manufacturer, supplier and exporter of bamboo products from China, we supply Bamboo Furniture, Bamboo Tableware, Bamboo Craft, Bamboo Flooring, Bamboo Charcoal, Bamboo Home Accessory, Bamboo Cutting Board, Bamboo Sticks, and other Chinese bamboo products.

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184

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