Ace of Spades HQ

April 04, 2010

Administration Braces Unemployed for More Unemployment UPDATE
— Dave in Texas

Are you braced? Does that feel better?

I know. It's a friggin throwaway from the AP on the dismal jobs outlook, peppered with some hopey feely crap, sorta. In this absurd lede:

Buoyed by good news on the jobs front, the White House claimed credit Sunday for reversing the downward economic spiral while bracing out-of-work Americans for a slow recovery.

Is this the most convoluted opener you have seen in a while? Good news! Get ready for more not good news! The only pathetic positive in this story is that people are being hired but they're temporary census workers. But this story doesn't even pretend there's any real good news here, it's just claimed in the first paragraph (that there's anything resembling good news on the employment front) and then goes on to explain to you, the reader, why there's nothing at all to be happy about.

Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!

I'm at a loss, I do not get the thinking behind Obama-lovin that tries to turn terrible news into something special. Or rather, that does it in such a lame fashion that absolutely no one who would read this would say "YAY!"

UPDATED WITH SUNDAY NIGHT STUPID: Create your own AP fantasy happy headlines. Commenter Cicero offered this one,

DONNER PASS -- (AP) Creative settlers cooperate to devise unexpected culinary creations.

You've got to break a few eggs, I'm told...

UPDATE, Purp

Check out this BLS chart. Pay particular attention to the trends in duration of unemployment. People are staying unemployed longer and longer as time goes on. To a non-zombie layman such as myself, this doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound like "recovery".

UPDATE [Maetenloch]
Well since everyone is jumping in, let me add my own update to the funemployment news. Here's a chart stolen from TigerHawk showing the duration of employment recovery during post-WWII recessions.

Assuming the dips are roughly symmetrical, it looks like at a minimum we've got another 2 years of high unemployment to go. Of course that's assuming this is just like the previous recessions. This time however may be quite different.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at 01:43 PM | Comments (332)
Post contains 361 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Remain calm! All is well!

Posted by: Chip Diller, MSM Reporter at April 04, 2010 01:46 PM (KrRnU)

2 Hey. A new thread. Thanks. Easter Bunny!!

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 04, 2010 01:46 PM (KFyt6)

3
I thought we were supposed to gird?

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 01:46 PM (Pq5ey)

4 I tell ya, a new thread never smelled so good!

"The economy added about 162,000 jobs in March, the most in nearly three years. A large percentage of the gains were temporary census workers hired by the federal government, and the unemployment rate held firm at 9.7 percent. The additional 123,000 private-sector jobs were the most since May 2007."

Keep polishing the knob, AP. It won't help you in the end.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 01:46 PM (c0A3e)

5 Steady as she goes, Mr. Frobisher.

Posted by: Capt. Edward Smith at April 04, 2010 01:47 PM (KrRnU)

6 I'm at a loss, I do not get the thinking behind Obama-lovin that tries to turn terrible news into something special

It's the Bad Boyfriend Syndrome. You can't admit you're dating a loser so you excuse every single thing he does. That way you aren't an utter idiot.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 04, 2010 01:48 PM (Q9TsO)

7
It's more like: Great news, everyone! Expect more of the same for the foreseeable future.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 01:48 PM (Pq5ey)

8 A large percentage of the gains were temporary census workers hired by the federal government, and the unemployment rate held firm at 9.7 percent.

Government workers who are only being temporarily employed are keeping the 9.7 rate where it is, eh? What happens to those people after the census is over & King Barry no longer needs them?

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 01:48 PM (yfJ6g)

9 You can't admit you're dating a loser so you excuse every single thing he does.

Like hiding your umbrella?

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 04, 2010 01:49 PM (KFyt6)

10 I'm at a loss, I do not get the thinking behind Obama-lovin that tries to turn terrible news into something special.

Scroll down to here. That explains a lot of it.

Posted by: Andy at April 04, 2010 01:50 PM (wZHtU)

11 #9 Like hiding your umbrella?

ella...ella...eh..eh...eh!

The media is getting more and more ridiculous.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 01:50 PM (c0A3e)

12
Here's an AP headline you'll see Tuesday morning: Underdog Butler Comes in 2nd!

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 01:51 PM (Pq5ey)

Any more good news like that and I'll be eating out of dumpsters.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 01:51 PM (knNJg)

14 Like hiding your umbrella?

Hiding the umbrella, spending all your money, openly hitting on other women in front of you, banging your friends, minor stuff like that.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 04, 2010 01:51 PM (Q9TsO)

15 No "Happy Easter" post?

Posted by: anon at April 04, 2010 01:52 PM (j/wD+)

16 Ironic that ultimately the group this administration is pandering to and depending on to carry their poll numbers -the poor and lower middle-class un/underemployed- are the very ones which will drag their asses into the abyss. Even sycophants can't feed their families with Obamaphoria forever.

Posted by: ddiddly at April 04, 2010 01:52 PM (JXF5g)

17 and happy easter, everybody. It's a beautiful day outside and we're here. It's the moron thing to do.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 01:53 PM (knNJg)

18
AP 2001 -- Dale Earnhardt Comes Within Inches of Winning 2nd Daytona 500

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 01:53 PM (Pq5ey)

19 17 and happy easter, everybody. It's a beautiful day outside and we're here. It's the moron thing to do.

Some of us can't help that we can't stand the sun very much.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 01:55 PM (c0A3e)

20 Getting braced for news like that requires Vaseline.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 01:55 PM (knNJg)

21 Some of us can't help that we can't stand the sun very much.

Trufax that.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 04, 2010 01:55 PM (Q9TsO)

The remarkable voyage of the Hindenburg marks a new dawn in the annals of lighter-than-air transatlantic transportation as its doomed passengers brace themselves for the collision of the exploding bag of hydrogen with the frozen New Jersey landscape.

-- Newspaper Writing For Unintelligibility, 2nd Edition

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 01:55 PM (KrRnU)

Hey! They added the most jobs since Bush was President.

Yea, that President.

Posted by: torabora at April 04, 2010 01:55 PM (Gyxcu)

24 17 Happy Easter to you, vivi!

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 01:56 PM (yfJ6g)

25 Yay!

European style stagflation plus no jobs!

I'll be on the dole for the rest of my life!

Oh wait. I'm a Republican. I'll just find another job and keep supporting all the Democrats who are gong to spend the rest of their lives doing performance art that illustrates their love of Obama.

Life did not turn out the way I expected.

Posted by: shibumi at April 04, 2010 01:57 PM (OKZrE)

26
I've been outside enough today. And I'm becoming extremely sensitive to light. My eyes are losing their color. I might be becoming one of those people in OMEGA MAN.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 01:57 PM (Pq5ey)

27 If you like your temporary Census Worker Job, you can keep it. Wait, Wha??

Posted by: Barry Von Dipshit Obama at April 04, 2010 01:58 PM (YVZlY)

28 Aisle cleanup at 23. There's bullcrap all over.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 01:58 PM (knNJg)

29 Down here in the Piney Woods, there is pollen dust everywhere & it's even forming in rectangle-shaped "mats" beneath the cars. The cars are coated in green as well.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 01:59 PM (yfJ6g)

30 You too, 80's baby. I'm eating chocolate eggs even as I write.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 01:59 PM (knNJg)

31 26 I've been outside enough today. And I'm becoming extremely sensitive to light. My eyes are losing their color. I might be becoming one of those people in OMEGA MAN.

Who's the leader of The Family?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 01:59 PM (c0A3e)

32
NEW YORK -- (AP) Twin Towers fall leaving the Manhattan's World Trade Center open for new and exciting energy sustainable development.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:00 PM (Pq5ey)

33
Who's the leader of The Family?

heh.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:01 PM (Pq5ey)

34 My cat is weird. He's staring at himself in the mirror. Or maybe he's just vain, yes?

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 02:02 PM (yfJ6g)

35 The Omega Man, the first Charlton Heston movie I ever saw.

/And it was awesome!

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:03 PM (c0A3e)

36 NEW ORLEANS - (AP) New Orleans is braced for new development as floodwaters swept the city clean.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 02:03 PM (knNJg)

37 34 My cat is weird. He's staring at himself in the mirror. Or maybe he's just vain, yes?

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 06:02 PM (yfJ6g)

Is your cat named Obama?

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:03 PM (YVZlY)

38 "It all adds up to oblivion, man. Governments will fall, anarchies will reign! It's a brave new world."

-William Strannix, 1992

Posted by: SGT Dan at April 04, 2010 02:04 PM (L0IJJ)

39 34 My cat is weird. He's staring at himself in the mirror. Or maybe he's just vain, yes?

Maybe it's not a mirror, but a Hyperion gate. You need the soul of a god to pass through them.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:04 PM (c0A3e)

40 CAPE KENNEDY (AP) - Apollo 13 signals new developments in O-Ring manufacture.

Posted by: vivi at April 04, 2010 02:05 PM (knNJg)

41
Ironic that ultimately the group this administration is pandering to and depending on to carry their poll numbers -the poor and lower middle-class un/underemployed- are the very ones which will drag their asses into the abyss. Even sycophants can't feed their families with Obamaphoria forever.

Posted by: ddiddly at April 04, 2010 05:52 PM (JXF5g)

Someone posted a link on the last thread that said 4 out of every 10 tea-partiers are registered Dems and Independents. The folks that voted this embarrassment and disaster in are leaving them in droves. Even Kumar's getting off that sinking ship.

But dont worry, I'm sure the entire MSM will be running this story come tomorrow. Of course by the entire MSM running this story come tomorrow, I really mean you wont hear a single peep about it.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:05 PM (t72+4)

42 @ 35 The Omega Man, the first Charlton Heston movie I ever saw.

/And it was awesome!

Yes, and much, much better than that lame-ass modernized version they did, despite the techno difference. Besides, Chuck Heston > Will Smith.

Posted by: Vile Roman at April 04, 2010 02:05 PM (iBzKc)

43 Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 06:02 PM (yfJ6g)

My cousin's pug went running into their bedroom and ran head first into a mirrored wall. And then looked so confused, like she couldn't understand why she couldn't keep running.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:05 PM (gofDd)

KRAKOW - (AP) Citizens eagerly anticipate reliable train operations as Nazi troops overrun western Poland.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:06 PM (KrRnU)

45 Remember when unemployment was at 4%, the stock market was at 14,000 and MSN was screeching about the economy being bad?

Yeah, I miss those days.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:07 PM (gofDd)

46 heh, Freudian slip. MSN = MSM

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:07 PM (gofDd)

47 I'm at a loss, I do not get the thinking behind Obama-lovin that tries to turn terrible news into something special.

I get a big 7 figure advance for writing an "insider" book about the WH. A little knob polishing isn't much to ask for when I'll get paid enough to never worry about working ever again.

I consider Obama knob polishing a fringe benefit, not a detriment

Posted by: Chuck Todd, NBC Newshound at April 04, 2010 02:07 PM (sYxEE)

"I'm at a loss, I do not get the thinking behind Obama-lovin that tries to turn terrible news into something special."

It's an auto erotica thing. I think they're doing it wrong.

Posted by: Six at April 04, 2010 02:08 PM (7FgWm)

49 Is it illegal to just tell the President of the United States to go fuck himself?

Posted by: Joliet Jake at April 04, 2010 02:08 PM (lvJaW)

50
HAWAII (AP) -- Island paradise sees increase in Japanese tourists.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:08 PM (Pq5ey)

VATICAN CITY - (AP) Recent policy changes have fostered the creation of stronger ties between parish priests and young local boys.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:09 PM (KrRnU)

52 Braced. No.
Constipated, Yes.
Oh wait, it's only Obama's dick in my ass hole.

Posted by: Barbarian at April 04, 2010 02:10 PM (EL+OC)

53 37 34

Is your cat named Obama?

LOL. He finally stopped. I think he was really confused. He was making funny faces at it.

39 34 Maybe it's not a mirror, but a Hyperion gate. You need the soul of a god to pass through them.

I had one of those. :wails:

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 02:10 PM (yfJ6g)

Is it illegal to just tell the President of the United States to go fuck himself?

As long as you're not pointing a gun at him, I think it's o.k.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:10 PM (P33XN)

55 HAWAII (AP) -- Island paradise sees increase in Japanese tourists.

Oh noes! It might tip over and capsize!

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:11 PM (gofDd)

56 Son of a bitch. I'm unemployed for another year.

Posted by: Disgruntled Easter Bunny Moonlighting as a Census Worker at April 04, 2010 02:11 PM (F5Gxy)

They really need to get rid of Michael Steele:

RNC Chairman Steele's Newest Aide Misused Baseball Groups' Money

Although described by many as a smart, gifted and glib fundraiser, Neil S. Alpert, 31, who began work on March 29, probably won't do much to burnish Steele's image as a money manager.

This is the same Neil S. Alpert who in July 2007 was ordered by the city to repay nearly $70,000 in unauthorized expenses and unaccounted funds from a pair of local baseball groups he had chaired. He was also fined $4,000.

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:11 PM (YVZlY)

58

UKRAINE -(AP) Millions of excited Ukranians eagerly anticipate losing weight and resorting to cannibalism after grain embargo by Stalin.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:11 PM (t72+4)

59 50 Is it illegal to just tell the President of the United States to go fuck himself?

Dear Barry: Go fuck yourself.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at April 04, 2010 02:12 PM (F5Gxy)

60 That's how pugs got that lovable face, Rum.

Posted by: Tommy Gunnar at April 04, 2010 02:13 PM (rQTdM)

61
yeah, this is a *great* time for the RNC to implode

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:13 PM (Pq5ey)

62 MOSCOW-(AP) Muscovites look forward to greatly improved restaurant fare as Napoleon's Grand Army moves into city.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:13 PM (P33XN)

63 WASHINGTON DC -- (AP) New Democrat legislative initiatives promise to eliminate longstanding disparities between the affluent and the very poor.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:13 PM (KrRnU)

64 Next month when the numbers crash again, they'll claim "they were only temp jobs, no big deal".

Thanks again FiftyTwo Percenters, you fucking fucks.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, Bacons, and Really Really Expensive Scotch at April 04, 2010 02:14 PM (erIg9)

65 #53 I had one of those. :wails:

What, the Hyperion Gate, or the soul of a god?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:14 PM (c0A3e)

66
WARSAW (AP) -- Poland to enjoy the protection of the burgeoning Germany.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:15 PM (Pq5ey)

67 DONNER PASS -- (AP) Creative settlers cooperate to devise unexpected culinary creations.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:16 PM (KrRnU)

68 34 My cat is weird. He's staring at himself in the mirror. Or maybe he's just vain, yes?

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 06:02 PM (yfJ6g)

Is his name Toonces as well?

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, Bacons, and Really Really Expensive Scotch at April 04, 2010 02:16 PM (erIg9)

69

BATAAN (AP) Thousands of American and Filipino soldiers join their Japanese counterparts in 60 mile (97 k) "Friendship Walk"

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:16 PM (t72+4)

70 Besides, Chuck Heston > Lee Marvin > Liam Neeson > Harrison Ford > Jerry Lewis > A dung beetle > Used "Hello Kitty" vibrators > Will Smith.

Posted by: Vile Roman at April 04, 2010 06:05 PM (iBzKc)

FIFY

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at April 04, 2010 02:16 PM (F5Gxy)

71 HIROSHIMA-(AP) Japanese urban planners ecstatic over sudden opportunity to reshape entire city.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:17 PM (P33XN)

72 AP: Joe Theisman has incredible game, nearly evades punishing tackle.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, Bacons, and Really Really Expensive Scotch at April 04, 2010 02:17 PM (erIg9)

73 71 HIROSHIMA-(AP) Japanese urban planners ecstatic over sudden opportunity to reshape entire city.

You're welcome.

Posted by: Harry S. Truman at April 04, 2010 02:19 PM (F5Gxy)

74 Los Angeles (AP) Surge in sales of Michael Jackson's songs brighten his financial picture considerably after his death

Posted by: The Associated Press at April 04, 2010 02:19 PM (sYxEE)

75

BHOPAL-(AP) Thousands of homes become readily available for the city's poor after the current occupants unexpectedly move out.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:20 PM (t72+4)

76 Waco, TX (AP) Dozens of dead children rescued from abusive parents

Posted by: The Associated Press at April 04, 2010 02:21 PM (sYxEE)

77 Oh for those good old days under Bush, when we had 95.5% of people working in America, and 50% of Mexico.

Posted by: jainphx at April 04, 2010 02:21 PM (fCLso)

78 AP: Joe Theisman has incredible game, nearly evades punishing tackle. .... Lawrence Taylor hardest hit ...... developing ....

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at April 04, 2010 02:22 PM (a9UO0)

79 My sister, a glazed-eyed worshipper of OSlitherama Obamarama, refuses to face the reality that her beloved One is an utter failure and a mentally ill psycho-dictator. Her husband just lost his job at a small business owned by his brother. She has him brainwashed into thinking the evil insurance companies drove him out of business. Presented with the facts by me and my other sister, she walks away. She is more like a member of a cult than someone who won't admit she was wrong in voting for him.

Posted by: Barbarosa at April 04, 2010 02:22 PM (vLwYg)

80 Obviously the AP got their shipment of brain magnets. Unfortunately, they're suppositories.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 04, 2010 02:23 PM (KdA1d)

81 HIROSHIMA-(AP) Yankee bomb explodes above city, Emperor be praised.

Posted by: t-bird at April 04, 2010 02:24 PM (FcR7P)

82 Minneapolis (AP) Bret Favre relieved that he does not have to endure 2 more weeks of grueling practices.

Posted by: The Associated Press at April 04, 2010 02:25 PM (sYxEE)

83 AUSCHWITZ-(AP) Local officials propose new work initiative for recently arrived immigrants.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:25 PM (P33XN)

84
JONESTOWN-(AP) In a sign of sure economic recovery, hundreds of American tourists flock to new Atlantic resort town.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:26 PM (t72+4)

85 She has him brainwashed into thinking the evil insurance companies drove him out of business. Presented with the facts by me and my other sister, she walks away.

She won't walk away when she asks you to loan her money

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:27 PM (sYxEE)

86 Boston Hearld--- Buckner makes charitable contribution to the NY Mets.

Posted by: jainphx at April 04, 2010 02:28 PM (fCLso)

87
Remember when I predicted stay-at-home-single-moms will become a govt occupation under the title of Domestic Caretaker?

And drug dealer will be subsidized Urban Pharmacists. Bums will be Community Groundskeepers. Don't worry, Toby, Obama will 'create' plenty of 'jobs.'

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:28 PM (Pq5ey)

88 Rejoice, unemployed peoples, after a while you won't be counted as unemployed and my numbers will rise!

Posted by: D'ohbama at April 04, 2010 02:28 PM (FcR7P)

89 JONESTOWN GUYANA - (AP) Self-sufficient jungle commune abstains from alcohol and drugs but finds release in grape Kool-Aid.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:28 PM (KrRnU)

90
She won't walk away when she asks you to loan her money

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 06:27 PM (sYxEE)

If it were me, I'd tell her to call up Obama and get it from him.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:28 PM (t72+4)

91 THE MIDDLE OF THE NORTH ATLANTIC (AP) -- 700 lives saved due to resilience of new miracle liner "Titanic".

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at April 04, 2010 02:29 PM (F5Gxy)

92 Copenhagen (AP) President Obama successfully keeps Chicago from assuming the heavy financial costs of hosting the 2016 Olympics

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:29 PM (sYxEE)

93 (AP) Following their recent game with the Philidelphia Eagles, the New York Giants report that Joe Pisarcik is very encouraged by progress made in recent practice sessions handing off to Larry Csonka.

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:31 PM (YVZlY)

94
Copenhagen (AP) President Obama successfully keeps Chicago from assuming the heavy financial costs of hosting the 2016 Olympics

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 06:29 PM (sYxEE)

Nice.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:31 PM (t72+4)

95 POMPEII -- (AP) Experts expect recent volcanic activity to eventually increase local agricultural fertility by factor of ten.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:31 PM (KrRnU)

96 No need to panic folks. We're just rearranging the deck chairs.

Posted by: Capt Smith, Titanic at April 04, 2010 02:31 PM (ucq49)

97 Social mobility and urban living space suddenly increase unexpectedly. Future ruler Barack Obama credited.

Posted by: AP: Europe, 1300s at April 04, 2010 02:31 PM (0K3p3)

98 65 #53 What, the Hyperion Gate, or the soul of a god?

The soul of a god.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 02:31 PM (yfJ6g)

99
MUNICH (AP) -- In a celebration of diversity, Palestinians join Olympic games, share hotel rooms with Israelis.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:32 PM (Pq5ey)

100 Millions of excited Ukrainians eagerly anticipate losing weight and resorting to cannibalism after grain embargo by Stalin.
Ukrainians looking forward to embracing Atkins diet.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 04, 2010 02:32 PM (KdA1d)

101 New York (AP) Gambino chief Paul Castellano unexpectedly resigns due to health reasons, John Gotti of Howard Beach to assume his duties

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:33 PM (sYxEE)

102 GOLGOTHA-(AP) Local crucifix guild reports sharp rise in sales.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:33 PM (P33XN)

103
FORD THEATER (AP) -- Mr and Mrs Lincoln...

_{ahhhh, it's old}

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:33 PM (Pq5ey)

104 O.k., that one was bad considering it's Easter and stuff. Couldn't help it.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:34 PM (P33XN)

105 70 Besides, Chuck Heston > Lee Marvin > Liam Neeson > Harrison Ford > Jerry Lewis > A dung beetle > Used "Hello Kitty" vibrators > Will Smith.

Posted by: Vile Roman at April 04, 2010 06:05 PM (iBzKc)

FIFY

Wait...I draw the line at Lee Marvin & Liam Neeson. The rest, most definitely.

/& I see what you did there.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 02:34 PM (yfJ6g)

106 APR 15, 1912, 02:30 - In unexpected good news, the Titanic has stopped sinking. Developing...

Posted by: t-bird at April 04, 2010 02:34 PM (FcR7P)

107
NABOO (AP) -- Employment market for senator-decoys on the rise.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:35 PM (Pq5ey)

108

(AP) Poll indicates that most women find Ted Bundy to be an attractive man.

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:35 PM (YVZlY)

109 Washington (AP) - Rep Henry Johnson's questions during committee hearing raises awareness of geology

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:36 PM (sYxEE)

110 BERLIN-(AP) Local officials report fighting breaking out between American and Soviet forces.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:37 PM (P33XN)

111 Wait...I draw the line at Lee Marvin & Liam Neeson.

No slight against them meant; they're great... Heston merely outranks them both.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at April 04, 2010 02:37 PM (F5Gxy)

112
HOLLYWOOD (AP) -- Corey Feldman has the limelight all to himself.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:37 PM (Pq5ey)

113

Hell-(AP)Sources report Satan to promote Edward Kennedy to head 'Barbed Cock of Satan Sucker'.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:38 PM (t72+4)

114 64 Next month when the numbers crash again, they'll claim "they were only temp jobs, no big deal".

I dunno, a week after mailing my census form in, I got another one in the mail. Maybe we'll just have a constant census. Or maybe Barry's not getting the "right" numbers of certain groups. Simple incompetence? Yeah, sure go with that.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at April 04, 2010 02:38 PM (eNxMU)

115 WASHINGTON DC -- (AP) Recent performance of Our American Cousin enlivened by exciting pyrotechnic effects.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:40 PM (KrRnU)

116
ETHIOPIA (AP) -- Studies show Ethiopians have lowest obesity mortality rate, Western nations should take note.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:40 PM (Pq5ey)

117 96 POMPEII -- (AP) Experts expect recent volcanic activity to eventually increase local agricultural fertility by factor of ten.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 06:31 PM (KrRnU)

AP FOLLOW-UP: Piles of corpses left by yesterday's Vesuvius eruption said to be "great boon" to National Geographic photographers of some far-future century.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at April 04, 2010 02:40 PM (F5Gxy)

118

HAVANA (AP) Russian Missile Technicians Enjoy 'Fun in the Sun' Vacation

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 02:41 PM (WuvMD)

119 HOLLYWOOD-(AP) Jennifer Lopez excited about extended break from hectic films schedule after release of Gigli.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:41 PM (P33XN)

120 Vichy, France (AP) Buoyed by the peace terms offered by Hitler, France welcomes the return of an orderly society

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:41 PM (sYxEE)

121 ZURICH (AP)- Roman Polanski baths young adult as sign of good will before returning to state sponsored residence.

Posted by: Barbarian at April 04, 2010 02:42 PM (EL+OC)

122 112 No slight against them meant; they're great... Heston merely outranks them both.

That's a difficult one, esp. with Neeson, but I can go with that.

/I didn't like The Wreck of the Mary Deare & a few others.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 02:42 PM (yfJ6g)

123

HAVANA-(AP) Cuban ambassador Enesto Che' Guavara to travel Central and South America on 'goodwill' tour

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:42 PM (t72+4)

124 #99 The soul of a god.

Hey, I didn't take it. How did you lose it?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:43 PM (c0A3e)

125 cool

Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 04, 2010 02:43 PM (Wh0W+)

126 LONDON-(AP) Uma Thurman film Motherhood sets impressive box office record.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:44 PM (P33XN)

127
AoS (AP) -- DiT Wiped the Comments, Saves Bandwidth.

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:44 PM (Pq5ey)

128 OMG, We just has a hell of a shaker here in San Diego. It must have lasted 20 secs.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 02:44 PM (QuP9W)

129 117
ETHIOPIA (AP) -- Studies show Ethiopians have lowest obesity mortality rate, Western nations should take note.

Washington (AP) - Buoyed by the good news of the Ethiopian studies, First Lady Michelle Obama to promote the Ethiopian Diet for most American children

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:44 PM (sYxEE)

130 Earthquake in So Cal right now

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:44 PM (KrRnU)

131

RWANDA (AP) Economist See Decreasing Demand for Foreign Food Aid

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 02:45 PM (WuvMD)

132 I felt it Cicero. I'm used to them but this one scared the snot out of me.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 02:45 PM (QuP9W)

133 129 OMG, We just has a hell of a shaker here in San Diego. It must have lasted 20 secs.
Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 06:44 PM

Wonder where it was, didn't feel a thing here in LA

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:46 PM (sYxEE)

134

USGS says 6.9

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:46 PM (t72+4)

135

I'm in North Orange County. It lasted for a good 30 seconds.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (KrRnU)

136 Wonder where it was, didn't feel a thing here in LA

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 06:46 PM (sYxEE)

I felt it. Felt like a roller or like the house was being swirled. Nothing fell over, no damage.

Hope you're okay, mpfs!

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (gofDd)

137 A strong earthquake occurred at 3:40:39 PM (PDT) on Sunday, April 4, 2010.
The magnitude 6.9 event occurred 26 km (16 miles) SSW of Guadalupe Victoria, Baja California, Mexico.
The hypocentral depth is 32 km (20 miles).

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (c0A3e)

138 CHAPPAQUIDDICK (AP) Senator Kennedy Unhurt as Car Plunges Off Bridge

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (WuvMD)

139 (AP) Captain of the Edmund Fitzgerald excited about new opportunity to study marine life in Lake Superior.

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (YVZlY)

140 125 #99 Hey, I didn't take it. How did you lose it?

(1) He died, & (2) I have one of a goddess.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (yfJ6g)

141 Well, if people here are feeling it, it's not a false report then like the last one.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:47 PM (c0A3e)

142 Yeah, that was a long one. I was waiting for it to get bigger. I thought I was leaning over and it was my imagination until the blinds started moving.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:48 PM (gofDd)

143 Wow, hope all you guys are okay

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 02:48 PM (WuvMD)

144 Vietnam AP: Buoyed by the total death and destruction the North received during the TET Offensive Hoh Chi Min expressed optimism that Walter Cronkite would claim the war is lost and hippies would take to the streets of America. He also braced the NVA and Vietcong for more death and destruction.

Posted by: robtr at April 04, 2010 02:48 PM (fwSHf)

145 Gabe just tweeted that his place was still shaking.

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:49 PM (YVZlY)

146

WTF!!!

Damn, biggest I have felt down here.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at April 04, 2010 02:49 PM (F09Uo)

147 #141 (1) He died, & (2) I have one of a goddess.

okay, lol. I thought the goddess soul would have worked too.

/That's why Aphrodite didn't visit Hephaestus?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:49 PM (c0A3e)

148
Magnitude 6.9 centered in Guadalupe Victoria, Baja, Mexico.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:49 PM (t72+4)

149 I think what we are seeing is the news media embarking on their first wobbly baby-steps to realityland.

Posted by: lauraw at April 04, 2010 02:50 PM (DbybK)

150 It wasn't a roller either, it was a definite shaker from side to side.
Rum, I thought it was going to get worse too.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 02:50 PM (QuP9W)

151 (AP) Jim in San Diego excited about shopping for new wall furnishings.

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:50 PM (YVZlY)

152 SD morons, I guess y'all were closer to the epicenter. What kind of quake did it feel like to you?

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:50 PM (gofDd)

153 129 OMG, We just has a hell of a shaker here in San Diego. It must have lasted 20 secs.
Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 06:44 PM

6.9 centered about 50 miles south of Mexicali in Mexico

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:50 PM (sYxEE)

154 Like being on the deck of a ship. On land, that is kind of disturbing.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at April 04, 2010 02:51 PM (F09Uo)

155 I just felt another one.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 02:51 PM (QuP9W)

156 AFTERSHOCK!

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at April 04, 2010 02:51 PM (F09Uo)

157 Global Warming!!!!!!!

Posted by: Danny Glover at April 04, 2010 02:51 PM (WuvMD)

158
AoS (AP) -- Earthquake Rocks California, Commenter Invents New Earthquake Magnitude Machine

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 02:52 PM (Pq5ey)

159 151 It wasn't a roller either, it was a definite shaker from side to side.
Rum, I thought it was going to get worse too.

The end is nigh!

/And in the end..only chaos.

/Hope everyone's alright.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:52 PM (c0A3e)

160 San Diego-(AP) Continuing his astounding record, no hurricanes in San Diego since Obama came to power!

Posted by: t-bird at April 04, 2010 02:52 PM (FcR7P)

161 Fingers crossed for the morons there .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at April 04, 2010 02:53 PM (a9UO0)

162 6.9 42 miles SSE of Calexico.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 02:53 PM (QuP9W)

163 159
AoS (AP) -- Earthquake Rocks California, Commenter Invents New Earthquake Magnitude Machine

Posted by: This is Your Life! at April 04, 2010 06:52 PM (Pq5ey)

Thread Winner and BUNK!

Posted by: conscious and borderline coherent at April 04, 2010 02:53 PM (YVZlY)

164 155 Like being on the deck of a ship. On land, that is kind of disturbing.

That's right. Who's capsizing Cali? Who's the jerk?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 02:53 PM (c0A3e)

165 I'm enjoying the contributions of all the history buffs on the site today. #'s 71, 69 and 67 especially. Carry on!

Posted by: ratskeller at April 04, 2010 02:53 PM (9xGWb)

166 2005 unemployment around 5% = Bush is an asshole
2010 unemployment around 10% = Obama is a God

Posted by: Terry at April 04, 2010 02:54 PM (Vui52)

167

That last one was a 4.1 just north of San Fran.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:54 PM (t72+4)

168 If San Diego's rockin', don't come knockin'

Posted by: San Diego moron having Earthquake Sex at April 04, 2010 02:54 PM (YVZlY)

169 Well, the post did start "are you braced?"

Posted by: TexasJew at April 04, 2010 02:54 PM (wU8a6)

170 NEW ORLEANS-(AP) Former Congressman calls for investigations into deep freezer manufacturers.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:54 PM (P33XN)

171 I feel the earth move under my feet

Posted by: Carol "MPFS" King at April 04, 2010 02:55 PM (YVZlY)

172 BREAKING: My friends on twitter are telling me that they had an earthquake in LA>

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 02:55 PM (p302b)

173 That last one was a 4.1 just north of San Fran.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 06:54 PM (t72+4)

SWARM!

Posted by: robtr at April 04, 2010 02:55 PM (fwSHf)

174 Who's capsizing Cali?

Oh noes! We're breaking off into the ocean!

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 02:55 PM (gofDd)

175 ROME (AP) Emperor Nero Performs Violin Recital

Posted by: Danny Glover at April 04, 2010 02:56 PM (WuvMD)

176 CALIFORNIA-(AP) Commenters on right wing blog blame Obama for earthquake, threaten to sink state in ocean in retaliation.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 02:57 PM (P33XN)

177 6.9 in Baja but it was a mile down so that is why it is being felt so much in LA>

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 02:57 PM (p302b)

178 Washington D.C. (AP)- Under Obama administration guidance, US employment rate held steady at an impressive 90.3% in March! All universities surveyed by the Associated Press report that is an A at their institution.

Posted by: DrewM. at April 04, 2010 02:57 PM (9B5OK)

179 Guadalupe, Mexico (AP) New home construction expected to boom on Baja Peninsula

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 02:58 PM (sYxEE)

180

LOS ANGELES-(AP) In a sign of sure economic recovery, millions of southern Californian's shop for new home furnishings.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 02:58 PM (t72+4)

181 4.1

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 02:59 PM (p302b)

182 O/T: Hmmmm. Don't know if anyone else has discussed this, but it certainly looks like an interesting topic:

Decorated Army Flight Surgeon Refuses to Follow Orders Until Obama's Eligibility is Proven

Posted by: Vile Roman at April 04, 2010 02:59 PM (iBzKc)

183 Moscow, 1931 (NYT) - Collectivization of the Peasants Ahead of Schedule. Output Is Called Promising.

Oops. That was a real headline.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 02:59 PM (N49h9)

184 3.4

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:00 PM (p302b)

185 Washington, D.C. (AP) - The Obama adminstration embraces supply-side economics; lowering taxes for all Americans by lowering their income.

Posted by: t-bird at April 04, 2010 03:00 PM (FcR7P)

186 I didn't feel a thing here, that's a funny thing about earthquakes. Depends on the direction and the composition of the ground you're on. It's pretty solid rock in this neighborhood, in the San Fernando Valley they feel a shake if somebody knocks a heavy refrigerator over from a mile away.

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 03:00 PM (sYxEE)

187

AP: US CONGRESS: Hank Johnson annouced today that Marines at 29 Palms have tipped over California.

Posted by: robtr at April 04, 2010 03:01 PM (fwSHf)

188 I part the borders to free the oppressed Mexican peoples.

Posted by: Mighty Hand Of God at April 04, 2010 03:01 PM (EL+OC)

189 President Obama's cock was found in the media's collective mouth. Sources are baffled regarding how it got there.

Posted by: Johnny at April 04, 2010 03:03 PM (xVKXy)

190 Decorated Army Flight Surgeon Refuses to Follow Orders Until Obama's Eligibility is Proven

Posted by: Vile Roman at April 04, 2010 06:59 PM (iBzKc)

Yep. WND covered this a couple of days ago. The army is scared shitless about it, too. It is pathetic that the military doesn't think that the commander-in-chief can actually prove his eligibility in 5 seconds, though everyone keeps saying that he's done it already (for the election - LOL).

And this flight surgeon isn't even addressing the dual citizen issue (the meat of the problem) but merely the plain, old Hawaiian BC.

Any general who doesn't think the Commander-in-Chief can prove his American birth without any problem, at all, should really resign. I can't see how these guys handle the obvious cognitive dissonance they are emitting.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:03 PM (N49h9)

191 (AP) Jerry Falwell encouraged by significant increase in prayers following recent California earthquake.

Posted by: conscious and hoping everyone is ok at April 04, 2010 03:03 PM (YVZlY)

192 148 #141 okay, lol. I thought the goddess soul would have worked too.
/That's why Aphrodite didn't visit Hephaestus?

Wait, what were we talking about?
/I thought she left him?

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:03 PM (yfJ6g)

193 We are closer to it down here kbdabear and boy did we feel it.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 03:03 PM (QuP9W)

194 H_A^AAP^PY EAS^S_STERR_RR EV_ERY_YYYBOD^DDY!_!^!!

Posted by: California at April 04, 2010 03:04 PM (F5Gxy)

195 My friend was in the LA office, he packed up and got out.

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:04 PM (p302b)

196 Chernobyl (AP): Soviet engineers lierally glowing over their huge environmental success: replacing soulless urban sprawl with tranquil post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Posted by: sherlock at April 04, 2010 03:04 PM (ktKOD)

197 Republican congressman mauls president whose arm reached out in the spirit of cooperation.

Posted by: Associated Press at April 04, 2010 03:05 PM (xVKXy)

198 MANZANAR, CALIFORNIA-(AP) Japanese-Americans thrilled about new government initiative to provide free housing.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:05 PM (P33XN)

199 DETROIT -- (AP) Formally urban tracts now going green.

Posted by: Cicero at April 04, 2010 03:05 PM (KrRnU)

200 #193 Wait, what were we talking about?
/I thought she left him?

Okay, I'm going to put you some knowledge. After Pandora's Box was opened, the evils infected the gods. Hephaestus was condemned to a pit in Tartarus after Zeus found out he hid Pandora from him. There was a Hyperion gate in this pit that lead straight to Aphrodite's bedroom, but she never visited Hephaestus. She called him "worthless".

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 04, 2010 03:06 PM (c0A3e)

201

So here's today's hypothetical: What if he turns out to be ineligible? Realistically, what happens?

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 03:06 PM (WuvMD)

202 195 H_A^AAP^PY EAS^S_STERR_RR EV_ERY_YYYBOD^DDY!_!^!!

LOL!

Yoooooo toooooo!

Posted by: shibumi at April 04, 2010 03:07 PM (OKZrE)

203 The original 6.9 was adjusted to a depth of 20.1 miles. was originally reported as 1 mile...

Amazing they felt the building in LA swaying enough to scare native Californians who were working.

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:07 PM (p302b)

204 My friend was in the LA office, he packed up and got out.

Oh, it's not that bad, lol. People who've lived in Cali for any number of years get used to the little shakers. It's the really big ones you have to worry about.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 03:07 PM (gofDd)

205 Twitter says people are stuck on rides and in elevators in Disney land.

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:08 PM (p302b)

206 Kuwait, 1991 (AP) - ; font-weight: bold;">Saddam Hussein looking to stop global warming by keeping 40,000,000 barrels of oil off the market. Nobel Peace Prize nomination being mentioned for the ecological hero.

Kuwait, 1991 (AP) - ; font-weight: bold;">Saddam Hussein refuses to allow evil Western capitalists to continue abusing the Earth with fossil fuels. Stops oil production from just about every Kuwaiti oil well. Second Nobel Peace Prize nomination being discussed.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:08 PM (N49h9)

207 "205 My friend was in the LA office, he packed up and got out.

Oh, it's not that bad, lol. People who've lived in Cali for any number of years get used to the little shakers. It's the really big ones you have to worry about.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 07:07 PM (gofDd)"

He was in the NOrthridge quake as a kid and lost a neighbor. He freaks out so we all talked to him till he got out of the office.

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:09 PM (p302b)

208 Amazing they felt the building in LA swaying enough to scare native Californians who were working.

I was on the 24th floor of a building when a small earthquake hit. It's definitely freaky. The buildings here are either built on rollers or retrofitted for that very purpose. It's okay if the building sways -- it means the rollers are doing their job. It's just not a comfortable feeling 24 stories up.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 03:09 PM (gofDd)

209 Rum,
I'm glad I wasn't at work when this happened . I'm only on the 6th floor but the building is on rollers.

Posted by: mpfs at April 04, 2010 03:11 PM (QuP9W)

210 He was in the Northridge quake as a kid and lost a neighbor. He freaks out so we all talked to him till he got out of the office.

So was I. I was 10 years old and that quake scared the crap out of me. I slept in the living room for days after that under a table. We didn't lose anyone, though, but my neighborhood did sustain a lot of damage. A lot of houses were red tagged.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 03:11 PM (gofDd)

211

So here's today's hypothetical: What if he turns out to be ineligible? Realistically, what happens?

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 07:06 PM (WuvMD)

Then the oath was invalid and The Precedent had never really taken the office. He would just be replaced, now, as if he had died in office.

This was driven home by the fact that Roberts felt the need to administer the oath twice, just because he messed up a couple of words on the first go-round and knew that a valid oath was absolutely necessary before anyone can actually assume the responsibilities of the office.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:12 PM (N49h9)

212 201 Aha. Well, I was thinking of this.

Oh, your revisionist mythologist -- found it.

_{/Aphrodite was mean.}

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:13 PM (yfJ6g)

213 183 O/T: Hmmmm. Don't know if anyone else has discussed this, but it certainly looks like an interesting topic:

Decorated Army Flight Surgeon Refuses to Follow Orders Until Obama's Eligibility is Proven

Something similar has already happened when a solider didn't want to deploy without Obama giving proof of eligibility- if I recall correctly, they didn't make him deploy.

This guy will probably be offered an honorable discharge, and it will be swept under the rug.

(American Thinker had an interesting roundup of reasons why long form cert isn't being released- one of them was that Frank Marshall Davis was really the father, and B.O. senior was doing the family a favor by saying the child was his. Interesting conjecture.)

Posted by: shibumi at April 04, 2010 03:14 PM (OKZrE)

214 I was on the 24th floor of a building when a small earthquake hit. It's definitely freaky. The buildings here are either built on rollers or retrofitted for that very purpose.

It is a bit unsettling when you feel that swaying, scared the shit out of me when I first moved out here

Posted by: kbdabear at April 04, 2010 03:14 PM (sYxEE)

215 SoCal (AP) Bagdad Bobs' skool of jurulizizm gratutates 1st klass ov male odr reaporrturz. AP hiers thim ahl.

Posted by: hutch1200 at April 04, 2010 03:15 PM (YLd4k)

216 LOS ANGELES-(AP) Heroin and Meth supply will be impacted. Street celebrations anticipated.

Posted by: Barbarian at April 04, 2010 03:15 PM (EL+OC)

217 I remember an earthquake from when I was a child. We were living in Dublin, CA, & everything started to shake. My parents took all of us & we were standing in a doorway, I believe. I thought I was going to die.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:15 PM (yfJ6g)

218 (AP) FBI announces that California earthquake was not terrorist related.

Posted by: conscious and hoping everyone is ok at April 04, 2010 03:16 PM (YVZlY)

219 FORT SUMTER-(AP) Soldiers impressed by massive fireworks display.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:17 PM (P33XN)

220

LONDON-(AP) Renowned millionaire and British playboy Ernest Shackleton enjoys exciting cruise and winter vacation at posh Antarctic resort.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 03:18 PM (t72+4)

221 But that must be weird, having that all-the-time. I'd rather deal with the hurricanes & tornadoes, I think.

_{/Not making light of anything, but giving my opinion.}

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:19 PM (yfJ6g)

222 BULL RUN-(AP) Picnic attended by Washington luminaries marred by sporadic gunfire.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:20 PM (P33XN)

223 What if he turns out to be ineligible? Realistically, what happens?

President Biden. Which is almost as frightening.

It won't happen though. High quality forgeries have undoubtedly already been produced and planted if he wasn't legit originally. This is why the whole thing is moot at this point.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 04, 2010 03:20 PM (31SZu)

224 But that must be weird, having that all-the-time. I'd rather deal with the hurricanes & tornadoes, I think.

At least you get warnings with hurricanes and tornadoes. Earthquakes are purely unpredictable and I think that makes it just a little scarier. But most of them are fairly small, they're rare and add a twist to an otherwise uneventful day.

And my dogs suck at being early warning systems.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 03:22 PM (gofDd)

225 (AP) Tourists on the Minnow excited about 3 hour tour being extended at no charge.

Posted by: conscious and hoping everyone is ok at April 04, 2010 03:22 PM (YVZlY)

226 5.1

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:22 PM (p302b)

227

Cold Harbor-(AP) Thousands of government troops succumb to freak July heatwave while making improvements at impoverished area farms.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 03:23 PM (t72+4)

228 199 MANZANAR, CALIFORNIA-(AP) Japanese-Americans thrilled about new government Democratic initiative to provide free housing.

FIFY

Posted by: pep at April 04, 2010 03:24 PM (0K3p3)

229 226 What do you do when it hits?
(It's been a long time since I lived there.)

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:24 PM (yfJ6g)

230

And my dogs suck at being early warning systems.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 07:22 PM (gofDd)

You should get some toads rum, I am.

http://tinyurl.com/ycd23eq

Posted by: robtr at April 04, 2010 03:25 PM (fwSHf)

231 231 226 What do you do when it hits?
(It's been a long time since I lived there.)

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 07:24 PM (yfJ6g)

1. put head between knees

2. kiss ass goodbye

Posted by: conscious and hoping everyone is ok at April 04, 2010 03:26 PM (YVZlY)

232 NORMANDY-(AP) Planned beach outing almost cancelled due to poor weather.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:26 PM (P33XN)

233 @ 214 American Thinker had an interesting roundup of reasons why long form cert isn't being released- one of them was that Frank Marshall Davis was really the father, and B.O. senior was doing the family a favor by saying the child was his. Interesting conjecture.

I heard Judge Napolitano on a radio show discuss this when it was a big issue early on. His theory was that yes, Obama probably was born in Hawaii and thus completely eligible, but the BC probably contained some tidbit of information that might prove politically inconvenient (i.e., that his religion was noted as "Muslim" or that his race was marked as "Caucasian," due to his mother).

Still, it's all academic at this point.

Posted by: Vile Roman at April 04, 2010 03:28 PM (iBzKc)

234 2 billion BC (AP) - Congress outlaws new multi-cellular organisms, saving the delicate balance of the Earth's ecosystem, which was threatened with serious instability by the new monsters, which were pushing single-celled organisms out of their traditional grounds.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:29 PM (N49h9)

235 Great. Jack M. wishes a Happy Easter, & Christoph shows us to make nasty comments. It's like he has it timed to arrive whenever there is a mention of religion.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:29 PM (yfJ6g)

236 It's like he has it timed to arrive whenever there is a mention of religion.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 07:29 PM (yfJ6g)

Christoph alone is reason enough to invade Canada, burn their cities and steal their women.

Posted by: robtr at April 04, 2010 03:30 PM (fwSHf)

237 What do you do when it hits?

I wait it out to see what's going to happen. If it gets bigger and continues going, I run and hide under the nearest table or desk.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 03:30 PM (gofDd)

238
WASHINGTON D.C.-(AP) City planners excited about massive urban renewal project planned by the British.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 03:31 PM (t72+4)

239 TEL AVIV-(AP) Israelis excited by regional initiative to expand nuclear power.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:32 PM (P33XN)

240 It won't happen though. High quality forgeries have undoubtedly already been produced and planted if he wasn't legit originally. This is why the whole thing is moot at this point.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 04, 2010 07:20 PM (31SZu)

Nope. Because the issue of multiple nationalities is his real problem with eligibility, and The Precedent has already admitted to one other citizenship, with there being a very reasonable assumption that he had Indonesian citizenship, too.

The issue might be "moot", but only because America has no backbone.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:32 PM (N49h9)

241 Stay safe, Cali M&Ms.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at April 04, 2010 03:32 PM (yfJ6g)

242 239 What do you do when it hits?

I wait it out to see what's going to happen. If it gets bigger and continues going, I run and hide under the nearest table or desk.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 07:30 PM (gofDd)

Rum, you need to get an Ipad so you can keep blogging while you're under the desk.

Posted by: conscious and hoping everyone is ok at April 04, 2010 03:33 PM (YVZlY)

243 Nagasaki (AP Hundreds of thousands of jaoanese citizens are treated with dazzling fireworks display.

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 03:35 PM (AnTyA)

244 There have been like 5 aftershocks since the initial quake.

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:36 PM (p302b)

245 you need to get an Ipad so you can keep blogging while you're under the desk.

Will you get me one for my birthday? It's in two months on D-Day.

Posted by: wherestherum at April 04, 2010 03:37 PM (gofDd)

246 STALINGRAD-(AP) Soviets roll out welcome mat for raucous German tourists.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:37 PM (P33XN)

247 LOS ANGELES-(AP) Congresswoman Maxine Waters did not feel quake while at home.

Posted by: Barbarian at April 04, 2010 03:38 PM (EL+OC)

248 NEW YORK CITY-(AP) Judge Joseph Crater takes extended vacation.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:38 PM (P33XN)

249
TRENTON-(AP) Peaceful Hessian immigrants murdered in their sleep by ruthless band of Colonial separatists on Christmas Day.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 03:41 PM (t72+4)

250 Jonestown, Guyana (AP) Rev. Jim Jones provides free Kool-Aid for hundreds in the sweltering equatorial jungle heat.

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 03:41 PM (AnTyA)

251 OK, assholes. These quakes will produce the floods I told ya about. Requiring $ billions for Hawaii.

Posted by: The Once at April 04, 2010 03:43 PM (ucq49)

252 1218 Uzbekistan (AP) - Brave Persian governor stops Mongol caravan and slaughters them, saves Persian empire.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:44 PM (N49h9)

253 East Anglia (AP) Climate scientists finally given opportunity to publish statistical methodology and ground-breaking information sharing model

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 03:44 PM (AnTyA)

254

Posted by: progressoverpeace

He's already fulfilled the requirement. The Election committee certified his short form BC. He was sworn in. End of Story.

And, no, the oath wouldn't be invalidated; the oath says nothing about eligibility or citizenship.

You people are pissing up the world's shortest rope.

Posted by: Thrillaminute at April 04, 2010 03:45 PM (FlcnG)

255 WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) White House braces chicken for more anal.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at April 04, 2010 03:45 PM (muUqs)

256 one of them was that Frank Marshall Davis was really the father, and B.O. senior was doing the family a favor by saying the child was his.

I think this is actually the most likely of all the theories. But yeah, at this point if there aren't high-quality forgeries ready to go then the Precedent is the most incompetent man who's ever lived.

Posted by: Ian S. at April 04, 2010 03:46 PM (TboiM)

257 THERMOPYLAE-(AP) Group of Greek thugs ambush Persian immigrants.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 03:47 PM (P33XN)

258 4.3

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:47 PM (p302b)

259

He's already fulfilled the requirement. The Election committee certified his short form BC. He was sworn in. End of Story

Not end of story. His natural born citizenship has never been verified. While I think it would be impractical to try do anything about his current presidency, I believe his original long form should be provided if he decides to run again

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 03:50 PM (AnTyA)

260 4.7

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:52 PM (p302b)

261 DRESDEN (AP) - Home heating fuel shortage alleviated.

Posted by: Russ at April 04, 2010 03:54 PM (UHp/e)

262

EAST BERLIN -(AP) Recent economic boom causes high demand for bricks and bricklayers. A new urban revival project planned for the city center called "The Freedom Wall" is expected to put thousands to work.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 03:55 PM (t72+4)

263 3.5

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:55 PM (p302b)

264 He's already fulfilled the requirement. The Election committee certified his short form BC. He was sworn in. End of Story.

LOL. You really have not a clue what you're talking about. Either that, or you just enjoy lying.

And, no, the oath wouldn't be invalidated; the oath says nothing about eligibility or citizenship.

ROFLMAO. You are precious. Really. An ineligible person cannot take the oath. The oath is only available to eligible people. It would be invalid, otherwise, just as Roberts decided that it was invalid because of a couple of words having been messed up. Do you understand anything, at all?

Do you have any idea why people are forced to take the oath? I guess not, because you seem to think that the oath is worthless and meaningless.

You people are pissing up the world's shortest rope.

Posted by: Thrillaminute at April 04, 2010 07:45 PM (FlcnG)

Huh? You are clueless.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 03:55 PM (N49h9)

265 3.4

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:58 PM (p302b)

266 LONDON - (AP) Critics savage new Boleyn hair style, deemed 'too short.'

Posted by: Russ at April 04, 2010 03:59 PM (UHp/e)

267 They upgraded it to 7.2 per CNN

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 03:59 PM (p302b)

268 7.2, 3.9, 4.5, 5.1, 3.8, 3.6, 5.4, 4.3, 4.7, 3.5, 3.4,

They upgraded a few of them

Posted by: curious at April 04, 2010 04:02 PM (p302b)

269 If Obama runs again, the birth certificate and grades should be demamded to be produced. I am honestly surprised that stories have not come out already. What about Donald Young and Larry Sinclair. So much of his life is at least questionable.

Posted by: fightobama at April 04, 2010 04:03 PM (6IV8T)

270 BAGHDAD-(AP) Experts blame recent car bombings on faulty gas pedals.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:03 PM (P33XN)

271

An ineligible person cannot take the oath. The oath is only available to eligible people

Could he (hopefully) charged with perjury...and/or other crimes if he knowingly took the oath of office while not being constitutionally qualified??

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 04:05 PM (AnTyA)

272 HAWAII (AP) Surfers expect awesome surf conditions in 2 to 3 hours.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at April 04, 2010 04:05 PM (muUqs)

273

In case no one did this already:

Sep 13 2001

"IMMIGRANTS DEMONSTRATE INHERENT INSTABILITY OF TRADE CENTER TOWERS"

Posted by: Ira at April 04, 2010 04:08 PM (8CgUK)

274

The birth certificate red herring always pops up when the one needs a distraction. Gets the hoi polloi all agitated.

Posted by: kansas at April 04, 2010 04:10 PM (8i4ik)

275 WEST WARWICK, RI-(AP) Great White rock show at local club called roaring success.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:12 PM (P33XN)

276

NANKING-AP Area residents excited at uptick in Japanese tourism and unexpected boom in child birth.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 04:15 PM (t72+4)

277 LONDON (AP) Lusitania captain calls U-Boat marksmanship "scary good"

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 04:16 PM (WuvMD)

278 Raccoon City, US (AP) Residents of formerly racist small town change to solid Democrat voting demographic overnight.

Posted by: Leon S. Kennedy at April 04, 2010 04:16 PM (a8aYQ)

279

Could he (hopefully) charged with perjury...and/or other crimes if he knowingly took the oath of office while not being constitutionally qualified??

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 08:05 PM (AnTyA)

At the very, very least. I would think that such an act would constitute treason. It would certainly be a coup d'etat, literally, so whatever crime that qualifies as would be it.

You know that The Precedent's attitude about Honduras was pure projection. He supported Zelaya's attempted coup because his eligibility problem put him in the same exact spot. I was amazed that more people didn't see this clearly, as it was really too obvious to miss. (And I'm not talking about the BC, but about his dual citizenship, that he knew - even as retarded as he is - made him Constitutionally ineligible)

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 04:16 PM (N49h9)

280

Used twice, of course:

HOUSTON-AP: NASA announces new astronaut positions available

Posted by: Secundus at April 04, 2010 04:17 PM (WuvMD)

281 HOLLYWOOD, AP -- Sandra Bullock now available.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 04, 2010 04:21 PM (KdA1d)

282
MATAWAN, NJ-AP Rare endangered docile fish rescued from area tidal estuary by the environmental activism group Greenpeace before area residents could capture and kill it.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 04:21 PM (t72+4)

283 YPRES-(AP) Soldiers reporting foggy conditions causing sore throats, itchy skin.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:22 PM (P33XN)

284 PHILADELPHIA (AP) Andy Reid excited McNabb going to vacation in Washington D.C.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at April 04, 2010 04:24 PM (muUqs)

285 Kuwait, 1973 (AP) - Arab nations join fight against global cooling by restricting selfish Western nations' use of oil.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 04, 2010 04:25 PM (N49h9)

286 LOS ANGELES (AP) -- California expecting surge in window replacement jobs. Community holds its breath on jobs' shakeup.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 04, 2010 04:26 PM (KdA1d)

287 DUNKIRK-(AP) Authorities vow to crack down on chaotic boating excursion.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:32 PM (P33XN)

288 (American Thinker had an interesting roundup of reasons why long form cert isn't being released- one of them was that Frank Marshall Davis was really the father, and B.O. senior was doing the family a favor by saying the child was his. Interesting conjecture.)

Posted by: shibumi at April 04, 2010 07:14 PM

Jack Cashill at The American Thinker has a very freaky alternate theory. Check this out. You might think that it it's nucking futz..

...but scroll down and check out the picture of his mother with her parents.

..look closely at his grandfather..and picture him with a dark tan

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 04:32 PM (AnTyA)

289 LOS ANGELES-(AP) Local authorities detain members of peaceful religious organization called "The Family" on trumped up murder charges.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:33 PM (P33XN)

290 HAPPY VALLEY - (AP) Buoyed by good news on the jobs front, the White House claimed credit Sunday for reversing the downward economic spiral. An Obama spokesperson admitted that women, children and minorities will be hardest hit.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at April 04, 2010 04:34 PM (554T5)

291 Krakow- (AP) German government provides free train transportation to all Polish Jews

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 04:36 PM (AnTyA)

292 BASTOGNE - (AP) US troops welcome German guests for Christmas celebrations.

Posted by: Russ at April 04, 2010 04:39 PM (UHp/e)

293

Posted by: Thrillaminute at April 04, 2010 07:45 PM

Check out this photograph....then this one ...and tell me which man has the resemblance to Barry..\

...check out the ears on man #2

Posted by: beedubya at April 04, 2010 04:44 PM (AnTyA)

294
CHERNOBYL-AP Russian nuclear engineers said to be ecstatic over recent tests pushing the envelope on their new technologically advanced graphite cooled reactors.

"It was a raging sucess !", exclaimed one engineer.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 04:45 PM (t72+4)

295 Graph looks like a flatliner of a "recession" Thanks Obama, you demonic messiah.

Posted by: ParisParamus at April 04, 2010 04:45 PM (rgdra)

296 VENICE - (AP) Dramatic surge in rat deaths called 'good' by Doge, sailors, medical professionals.

Posted by: Russ at April 04, 2010 04:45 PM (UHp/e)

297 291 FWIW his half brother in Kenya resembles him greatly only much darker.The pictures I've seen anyway.

Posted by: steevy at April 04, 2010 04:46 PM (EzAq4)

298 WASHINGTON, D.C.-(AP) Government mystified by sharp decline in income tax receipts.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:46 PM (P33XN)

299

VENICE - (AP) Dramatic surge in rat deaths called 'good' by Doge, sailors, medical professionals.

I lol'ed. I did.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 04:47 PM (P33XN)

300 DALLAS,TX,-(AP)President Kennedy unexpectedly cuts visit to city short...

Posted by: steevy at April 04, 2010 04:49 PM (EzAq4)

301 New Orleans - (AP) 99.9 % if government made dykes held during cat. 4 huricane catrina.

Posted by: sodak at April 04, 2010 04:49 PM (EaKpn)

302 NEW YORK CAMPS, 2012 - (AP) Communism isn't what we were hoping it would be.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at April 04, 2010 04:52 PM (554T5)

303

PHILADELPHIA-(AP) Eagles quarterback Donavan McNabb run out of town by white supremacist tea-party members.

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 04:53 PM (t72+4)

304 PHILADELPHIA-(AP) Eagles quarterback Donavan McNabb run out of town by white supremacist tea-party members.

Gleefully led by a frothing-at-the-mouth Rush Limbaugh.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at April 04, 2010 04:55 PM (554T5)

305

ISLE OF WIGHT, VA-(AP) Renowned animal rights activist Michael Vick rescues several dogs from certain death at area farm. -developing

Posted by: Blazer at April 04, 2010 05:00 PM (t72+4)

306 GATED COMMUNITY, CA. - (AP) Charles Johnson, Dan Rather, Keith Olbermann and Geert Wilders collaborate in unusual joint blogging venture.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at April 04, 2010 05:10 PM (554T5)

307 NORTHERN ATLANTIC: Transatlantic cruiser Titantic proves Polar Icecap at stronger than ever levels.

Posted by: PJ at April 04, 2010 05:17 PM (Z9DO/)

308 WASHINGTON - (AP) George Soros and President Obama to appear on U.S. one thousand dollar bill.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at April 04, 2010 05:22 PM (554T5)

309 BERLIN-(AP) Ten reasons why we think Adolf Hitler should win the Nobel Peace Prize.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 04, 2010 05:37 PM (P33XN)

310 ROMA- (AP) Hobo carcasses fire locomotive boilers; trains run on time.

Posted by: effinayright at April 04, 2010 07:13 PM (3sB5l)

311 Berlin - (AP) -- Fashionistas declare stripes
in" this year; Buchenwald residents strut their stuff.

Posted by: effinayright at April 04, 2010 07:17 PM (3sB5l)

312 WASHINGTON - (AP) Red Cross worker applies new CPR method in effort to resuscitate this thread; declares claims of failure premature.

Posted by: effinayright at April 04, 2010 07:22 PM (3sB5l)

313

PEARL HARBOR - (AP) Japan helps clear way for brand new aircraft carrier fleet.

Posted by: People's Republic of Baltimore at April 04, 2010 09:03 PM (5HEMF)

314 To a non-zombie layman such as myself, this doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound like "recovery".

So how long will it be before the term "jobless recovery" is used by the Mainly Socialist Media to describe the developing situation?

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at April 05, 2010 04:47 AM (Q75cY)

315

Check out that 1990 (black) unemployment line that Carville called the worst economy in 50 years.

Recessions don't just happen. Each of these downturns were caused by government.

Posted by: Terry Phillips at April 05, 2010 05:36 AM (HVenR)

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