Ace of Spades HQ

June 28, 2010

Al Gore: Release My Second Chakra
— Ace

It's just crazy enough to possibly be true.

Gore said he was tired from travel and described in detail the massage he wanted. It included work on the adductor muscles, which are on the inside of the thighs. "I mentally noted that a request for adductor work is a bit unusual," the masseuse told police, because it can be "a precursor to inappropriate behavior by a male client."
Gore also requested work on his abdomen. When that began, "He became somewhat vocal with muffled moans, etc.," the masseuse recounted. Gore then "demand[ed] that I go lower." When she remained focused on a "safe, nonsexual" area, Gore grew "angry, becoming verbally sharp and loud."
The masseuse asked Gore what he wanted. "He grabbed my right hand, shoved it down under the sheet to his pubic hair area, my fingers brushing against his penis," she recalled, "and said to me, 'There!' in a very sharp, loud, angry-sounding tone." When she pulled back, Gore "angrily raged" and "bellowed" at her.
Then, abruptly, the former vice president changed tone. It was "as though he had very suddenly switched personalities," she recalled, "and began in a pleading tone, pleading for release of his second chakra there."
"Chakra," in Gore's new-agey jargon, refers to the body's "energy centers," which the masseuse interpreted as having a specific meaning. "This was yet another euphemism for sexual activity he was requesting," she told police, "put cleverly as though it were a spiritual request or something."

Posted by: Ace at 09:23 PM | Comments (163)
Post contains 258 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I want to put it in your 'Lock Box'.

Posted by: Al Gore at June 28, 2010 09:24 PM (zcL6o)

2 Gore always creeped me out. Hell, could be true. Really wouldn't surprise me either way.

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 28, 2010 09:25 PM (nSp31)

3 Al's a sociopath...not really surprised.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at June 28, 2010 09:29 PM (M9BNu)

RELEASE THE SHAKRA!!

Posted by: The Drizzle at June 28, 2010 09:32 PM (yICYQ)

5 I know what she thought she heard, but I'm pretty sure what Gore really said was, "Release the Kraken!".

Posted by: Kralizec at June 28, 2010 09:35 PM (uOtCX)

6 Bill always seemed like a good old fashioned sex-o-path, Al seemed like the kid with the dark side. Not much on its own (classic he said she said), but with the recent divorce, it makes one wonder... The fact she took so long to report doesn't strike me as a huge factor as to validity. This happened in Washington, or Oregon or some state where no one cares about and where Gore is like a Wiccan god or whatever. She's just a lowly massuse. Without DNA evidence, who would people believe?

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 28, 2010 09:35 PM (nSp31)

7 My chakra is located in my sacrum, baby. Yeah... right there. Use your tongue.

Posted by: Al, Saviour of Gaia at June 28, 2010 09:35 PM (UHrcQ)

One thin September soon
A masseuses hand disappears
Beneath the sheet

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on my lower abdominals

Make my bone dissolve

Slow strokes from the moobs to belly
Ice fathers floods in your pants
A hard tug and my recount comes quickly

Then my throat is parched
Your hand is placed near wood
For the VP's celebration

Unknown creatures in my shorts
Take their leave, unload!
Gynecologists ready their stirrups

Passion seeks a 2nd Chakra release
The belle wants a tip?
On the hill I was the most Hung

The client cries
The hour of release has arrived
Here! Is my tool.

Posted by: Al Gore at June 28, 2010 09:36 PM (zcL6o)

I hope it's not true, and that it ruins him.

Wouldn't that just be precious? Al Gore being undone by something which is...COMPLETELY MADE UP.

Posted by: Splatticus Finch at June 28, 2010 09:37 PM (7FgWm)

10 @8 Come on sock Al, thats way too good a poem to pose as the real thing

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 28, 2010 09:38 PM (nSp31)

11 Al Gore at June 29, 2010 01:36 AM (zcL6o)

Just Wow. What more can be said

Posted by: some wench at June 28, 2010 09:39 PM (uJBct)

12 Just shut up and do it to save the planet:

Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her "to just suck it up; otherwise, the world's going to be destroyed from global warming."

Posted by: cinyc at June 28, 2010 09:39 PM (o4sjT)

13 I'll release his...

Wait, chakra?

Oh, nevermind.

Posted by: Xena, Warrior Princess at June 28, 2010 09:39 PM (Xsi7M)

When will the "small people" learn that they are here to service the "elites" of the world? - Something the "elite" media would say.

Posted by: Case at June 28, 2010 09:40 PM (0K+Kw)

15 Chackra Stix- not just a Mexican candy

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 28, 2010 09:43 PM (nSp31)

16 Wow, another dem politician testing the sexual assault waters. Wonder where he learned his manners from?

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at June 28, 2010 09:45 PM (bPkzf)

You Like Tool, baby?

Posted by: Al Gore at June 28, 2010 09:45 PM (zcL6o)

18 The odd thing is, I'm kinda hoping it's true.

I mean, I dislike him enough these days, but it's the cultists that need the purge.

I want to see his disciples wandering in Brownian aimlessness like ants whose colony's just been hit with a gallon of acetone, just begging to be stepped on.

Loathsome, loathsome creatures.

Posted by: mrkwong at June 28, 2010 09:45 PM (G8Eo0)

19 Just, ick!!!

Posted by: Dr. Ruth Westheimer at June 28, 2010 09:49 PM (2AwFA)

I remember the singer Chakra Khan from the 1980s.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at June 28, 2010 09:49 PM (P33XN)

21 @8 Come on sock Al, thats way too good a poem to pose as the real thing Posted by: Jollyroger at June 29, 2010 01:38 AM (nSp31) Agreed. Thou are touched by the muse. Or perhaps just a masseuse.

Posted by: Al, Saviour of Gaia at June 28, 2010 09:50 PM (UHrcQ)

...pleading for release of his second chakra there.

Not bad. I'm stealing that.

Posted by: Will Folks at June 28, 2010 09:51 PM (eoArl)

Al's second chakra violated.

Neptune hardest hit.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at June 28, 2010 09:53 PM (P33XN)

Then he said, "I bet you like it nasty like my poetry."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 09:54 PM (eoArl)

25 Chakra was the greatest of the Zulu kings.

Posted by: sifty at June 28, 2010 09:55 PM (JR2D9)

26 Begs the question, "Where's his first chakra?" Maybe a male massuse was needed for that one. Not judging, just saying.

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 28, 2010 09:55 PM (nSp31)

Al, do you have a pet name for your dick?

Yeah, "Chakra."

Posted by: transcript at June 28, 2010 09:58 PM (eoArl)

28 Chakra Zulu was a great fucking movie.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at June 28, 2010 09:58 PM (P33XN)

29 I'm sure it's true. I also remember a Drudge link many years ago about a well known "celebrity" wanting "special" massages down "there" at a hotel in Ireland. I'm going to see if I can dig that link up.

Posted by: Topsecretk9 at June 28, 2010 09:59 PM (8x3SC)

30 #8. That's Iowahawk-level quality there. Good stuff.

Posted by: theCork at June 28, 2010 10:00 PM (UHrcQ)

31 Musta tried to pay her with carbon credits.

Posted by: Case at June 28, 2010 10:03 PM (0K+Kw)

Al Gore Stars in a one night performance

One if by Hand...

Posted by: garrett at June 28, 2010 10:04 PM (zcL6o)

33 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna ravage you like a lumberjack in an old-growth forest."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:05 PM (eoArl)

34 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna pork you like my stomach at a Texas barbecue."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:06 PM (eoArl)

35 Manbearpig "bellowed" at her. heh.

Posted by: Case at June 28, 2010 10:06 PM (0K+Kw)

36 I gotcher chakra right here.

Posted by: Jersey Gore at June 28, 2010 10:06 PM (RykTt)

37 Oh, so he really wanted a rub and a tug.

Posted by: MrCaniac at June 28, 2010 10:06 PM (Vol3D)

38 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna motorboat you like an environmentally unfriendly fisherman."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:06 PM (eoArl)

39 "I hope it's not true, and that it ruins him.

Wouldn't that just be precious? Al Gore being undone by something which is...COMPLETELY MADE UP.

Posted by: Splatticus Finch at June 29, 2010 01:37 AM (7FgWm)"

Damn. You should write poetry.

I have a hard time believing her. She's just not coming across as credible. And I realize that's kinda unfair because she's just another lib bimbo who doesn't deserve to be assaulted by sweaty Gore.

whatever, though. It's not something I'm going to worry about. I already decided the man was a nutcase and a swindler. He's lost his wife of 40 years, and I imagine that's penalty enough.

Posted by: Raisin Ninja at June 28, 2010 10:07 PM (dUOK+)

40 Then Gore said, "Your touch makes me cry out like I'm yelling at Tipper when she's late with my doughnuts and Mountain Dew."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:09 PM (eoArl)

41 And then he said he was going to release his chakra all over my face like a BP well on a beach

Posted by: Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:09 PM (nSp31)

42 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna hit you like a bucket of KFC."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:09 PM (eoArl)

43 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna pound you like my bathroom scale."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:10 PM (eoArl)

44 ^{40
Then Gore said, "I'm gonna motorboat you like an environmentally unfriendly fisherman."} ^{Posted by: The Masseuse}

Did the masseuse look like this?

http://tinyurl.com/23k7t5a

Posted by: MrCaniac at June 28, 2010 10:10 PM (Vol3D)

45 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna sex you like a fat pig in a rural area."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:11 PM (eoArl)

46 Then Gore said, "Baby, you made me spend all my carbon credits."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:11 PM (eoArl)

47 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna blow your mind like a klinky microwave oven at a solar powered satellite station."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:12 PM (eoArl)

48 Then Gore said, "Baby, I'm ready to lay pipe like an environmentally freindly natural gas company."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:13 PM (eoArl)

49 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna hold you like my Nobel Prize."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:14 PM (eoArl)

50 Actually, I thought the reason Tipper was bailing was that Al - Island of his own- was going to come out. That man has the most effeminate, annoyingly enunciating lispy fag twang for a straight guy that by proxy it faggifies the massive island he is.

Posted by: Topsecretk9 at June 28, 2010 10:17 PM (8x3SC)

51 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna put a squeeze on you like an American taxpayer."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:17 PM (eoArl)

52 Can't say I'm shockra.

Ugh. Too late. Forget my bad joke, I'm going to bed.

Posted by: Will at June 28, 2010 10:20 PM (+zM6M)

Then he asked me, "Am I Poling strongly with the under 60 Female Masseuses?".

Posted by: Al Gore at June 28, 2010 10:21 PM (zcL6o)

54 masseusesockfail!

Posted by: garrett at June 28, 2010 10:23 PM (zcL6o)

55 It was "Kraken"! "Release my Kraken!"

Posted by: Kralizec at June 28, 2010 10:23 PM (uOtCX)

56 Then, abruptly, the former vice president changed tone. It was "as though he had very suddenly switched personalities," That just doesn't sound like Al Gore at all.

Posted by: RINO in Name Only at June 28, 2010 10:27 PM (HUdxK)

57 Then Gore said, "Yes, my chakra. Don't you want to discover alternative energy sources?"

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:28 PM (eoArl)

58 Then Gore said, "Baby, you're gonna rub my dick like an oil-covered otter."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:30 PM (eoArl)

59 Let me put my chakra in you.

Posted by: Al Gore at June 28, 2010 10:32 PM (P33XN)

60 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna drive you hard, like a Prius owner with a free tank of gas."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:34 PM (eoArl)

61 All your chakra are belong to us.

Posted by: Al Gore at June 28, 2010 10:36 PM (P33XN)

62 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna exploit you like an alternative energy source."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:38 PM (eoArl)

63 Then Gore said, "I want your sex... and a bag of Cheetos."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:39 PM (eoArl)

64 Then He Said , "It's like Whack a Mole! If by 'Mole' you mean 'Vice President'!"

Posted by: the Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:40 PM (zcL6o)

65 Wasn't Chakra the Sleestack kid from the kids TV series Land of The Lost?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at June 28, 2010 10:40 PM (yQWNf)

66 Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Posted by: rawmuse at June 28, 2010 10:40 PM (gQWi+)

67 Then Gore said, "I'm gonna give it to you hot and heavy. Well, heavy."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:41 PM (eoArl)

68 Truck Monkey, Chaka was that little ape guy. He has a web site. You can get an autographed picture.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 28, 2010 10:43 PM (eoArl)

69 Then Gore said, "Please! Tipper can't stand me."

Posted by: The Msseuse at June 28, 2010 10:44 PM (eoArl)

70 71 rdbrewer

Did you know that Detroit Piston Bill Lambier was one of the Sleestaks?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at June 28, 2010 10:45 PM (yQWNf)

71 No way! Ha!

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 28, 2010 10:49 PM (eoArl)

72 Then Gore said, "Tap my Magma Conduit and Circulate my Thermal Fluids."

Posted by: the Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:49 PM (zcL6o)

73 74 No way! Ha!

Besides being one of the meanest dudes in the NBA, I am pretty sure he is the only player in the NBA whose father made more money than him.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at June 28, 2010 10:53 PM (yQWNf)

74 How you like that Hanging Chad...

Posted by: ALGore at June 28, 2010 10:54 PM (veaqz)

75 Then Gore said, "I have strong sense of entitlement because I deserve whatever I want."

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 28, 2010 10:56 PM (eoArl)

76 Then Gore said, "It's not that I'm attracted to women. I'm doing this so that the police report you file will put to rest rumors I'm gay."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 28, 2010 10:59 PM (eoArl)

77 "adductor work is a bit unusual..." It sure is. You can strain them if you do splits but if you do, you sure as hell don't want people massaging them. The thought of seeing Al Gore naked...shudder.

Posted by: moi at June 28, 2010 11:00 PM (bjYAr)

78 Did this come out at the time his wife split from him?

Posted by: moi at June 28, 2010 11:02 PM (bjYAr)

79 Actually, I found the associated poodle humping graphic the most disturbing.

Posted by: moi at June 28, 2010 11:04 PM (bjYAr)

80 AN INCONVENIENCE CHAKRA

Posted by: spelz at June 28, 2010 11:07 PM (DTh3/)

Experts say Al Gore's core temperature is in the thousands of degrees.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at June 28, 2010 11:10 PM (P33XN)

82 Wonder what he treats his staff to at his new digs in Cali.

Posted by: Case at June 28, 2010 11:36 PM (0K+Kw)

83 Models will read this story to help them stay thin.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at June 28, 2010 11:42 PM (xO+6C)

84 I am a pdx denizen, and I swear (sort of generally, but mostly when reading this blog--scratching head pensively) that chakras were exploding with such intensity that you could feel the force or something. OK, maybe I am making that part up, but it is AL f'in too-big-a-deal Gore! This is moonbat central! The gal was not underage and she was a singlet. If he had tried to rape a Catholic school kindergarten and the video was good they may press charges, but otherwise this is SOP for Democrats (Wu--she asked for it!, Goldschmidt--get off the baby sitter!, Adams he was so not 17!, etc.). They will wait it out some more. It is the way it works here. If this town needs to be nuked from space, just to be sure, just give me the heads up so I can get my family out of here! What is so sad is that Al could have gotten any number of nude bicyclists to do whatever, if he had just asked. He did not have to hassle a real citizen, but is that not their way? Creepy? Who the hell is surprised? To paraphrase Captain Kirk: "it is just their way". It seems worth it to me just to put some of these asses in prison. Happy endings we can all be "happy" about! What is not to like?

Posted by: Mike at June 28, 2010 11:45 PM (ihtld)

85 O/T: I note that Al Gore is meeting with SEIU to push amnesty round III again. (story at Weasel Zippers). This is probably why Emanuel is leaving and going back to Chicago. He has repeatedly warned them to stay away from this issue as it is a loser with the voters.

More evidence that Obama doesn't care about getting reelected.

Posted by: Vic at June 28, 2010 11:51 PM (6taRI)

I will Release my Second Chakra in your wetlands, my third Chakra I will just rub out myself....

Posted by: AlGore at June 29, 2010 12:04 AM (W7JkV)

87 She's just a lowly massuse. Without DNA evidence, who would people believe?

Oh, but she has DNA evidence. Apparently she ended up with a wet spot on her slacks, so she saved them. Which, I think, is why Gore is stonewalling the press instead of issuing denials.

Posted by: Ace's liver at June 29, 2010 12:21 AM (LtIsn)

88 Besides, he didn't say "release my second chakra". He said "has anyone ever given you the shocker?.

Posted by: Ace's liver at June 29, 2010 12:22 AM (LtIsn)

89 ... pleading for release of his second chakra there. Sounds like something Rock Lee from Naruto would do. ... a number of powerful, even forbidden, techniques. Because some of these techniques, such as the ability to open the eight chakra gates, can pose a severe risk to Lee's body ...

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at June 29, 2010 12:27 AM (aCnAR)

90 The really funny thing is that, according to Wikipedia, the First Chakra is associated with the prostate. The Second Chakra is associated with the tailbone.

Posted by: Jeff Gauch at June 29, 2010 12:39 AM (CO/RA)

91 Elliot Spitzer is a downright gentleman in these circles. And Blagoyovitch is practically Mister Rule of Law.

Posted by: pendejo grande at June 29, 2010 12:41 AM (ipxsa)

92 At least it wasn't Christopher Walken saying that...then it would just be awesome.

"...and I said "BABY! ReLEASE my KRAKEN!"

Posted by: Pipe Barackage at June 29, 2010 12:43 AM (gHZnm)

93 Al "Chakra Con" Gore.

Posted by: Noel at June 29, 2010 12:56 AM (Hh13R)

94 O/T: China's stock market takes a self-inflicted shot to the nuts.

"The Conference Board said its leading economic index for China had the smallest gain in five months in April, revising down its gauge for the economyÂ’s outlook in a release that sent stocks tumbling. "

Read: we're having a harder time fudging the numbers.

The Shanghai Composite closed down 4.21%. While the US markets are down about 5% since the beginning of 2010, the Shanghai index is down 26% for the year, a full scale bear market.

Posted by: Garbonzo the Garrulous at June 29, 2010 01:09 AM (N/7an)

I can't wait to get my chakra released. Even if I gotta do it myself.

Posted by: fastfreefall at June 29, 2010 01:36 AM (r8q7x)

96 Can't the guy beat his own meat? How lazy can you get?

Posted by: Case at June 29, 2010 01:38 AM (0K+Kw)

97
Chakra Khan, let me cock you
Let me cock you, Chakra Khan
Let me cock you, that's all I wanna do
Chakra Khan, let me cock you
Let me cock you, Chakra Khan
Let me cock you, let me feel on you
Chakra Khan let me tell you what I wanna do
Do you feel for me, the way I feel for you
Chakra Khan let me tell you what I wanna do
I wanna oogle you, wanna squeeze you, wanna assault you too

Posted by: Al Gore at June 29, 2010 01:54 AM (t72+4)

98 Seckshual Heeling.

Posted by: di butler, maker of bad decisions at June 29, 2010 02:54 AM (8TRAy)

99 Normally those divorce houses occur because of a sense of responsibility from the male partner; in Al's case, I believe the manse in California is a negotiated settlement.

Posted by: Jean at June 29, 2010 03:27 AM (CPefM)

100 Dam you Ace - this is not the way to start a new day!

Posted by: 57 States at June 29, 2010 04:02 AM (UE+hB)

101 Besides being one of the meanest dudes in the NBA, I am pretty sure he is the only player in the NBA whose father made more money than him.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at June 29, 2010 02:53 AM (yQWNf)

He's also been a very successful head coach in the WNBA yet the NBA genius owners who refuse to show senile fuck David Stern the door won't hire him; instead they go after shitstains like that annoying simpleton douche Jeff Van Gundy, who should always be remembered as Alonzo Mourning's fuzzy slipper.

Regarding Weird Al: He's a mentally ill fuckhead who's never had an intelligent thought in his pampered life as the proud son of a bigger bigot in the Senate than Sheets Byrd. His humiliation in this is very satisfying.

Posted by: Captain Hate at June 29, 2010 04:25 AM (md/wF)

102

You can't punch the clown if you can't see it.

-just saying.

Posted by: Fritz at June 29, 2010 04:34 AM (GwPRU)

103 When she pulled back, Gore "angrily raged" and "bellowed" at her. But since bellowing didn't work, Gore begged.

What a global loser.

She should at least get her Gorical experience illustrated into a comic book before everyone else beats her to the draw.

So what about the news release timing with Gore's criticism of Obama's Gulf disaster? DID Gore criticize Obama along with James Carville? I missed that.

Posted by: maverick muse at June 29, 2010 04:40 AM (H+LJc)

104 Posted by: Comrade Arthur at June 29, 2010 04:27 AM (aCnAR)

Ninja Art: Sexy Jutsu!

Posted by: DoDoGuRu at June 29, 2010 04:52 AM (31pnY)

105 This isn't the coup-de-grace I was looking for, but I'll take it.

Posted by: Doom_n_gloom at June 29, 2010 04:54 AM (kUPJR)

106

50/50. I gotta go with Ace on this one. On one hand, wouldn't surprise me to hear that the story has been proven to be completely false, and that this masseuse is simply a gold digger.

OTOH, it is just crazy enough to be true, and these liberal pols have an amazing sense of entitlement that they can get away with anything or tell any lie and be shielded by the media from the consequences.

Didn't the media and all the libs lecture us during the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill debacle that always, always, "Women tell the truth."?

BTW, Republicans get battered for days about some R representative tapping his foot in a men's room stall. But the far more wierd (former VP and presidential candidate Gore) and disgusting (former presidential candidate Edwards) stuff? Crickets by comparison. Maybe I'm just sheltered but I wouldn't have even heard about the Goregate thing if not for AoS.

Posted by: RM at June 29, 2010 04:56 AM (TRsME)

107 Oh my God, that is the funniest thing I've pictured in a long time. Fat old Al begging this woman to "release his second chakra"! Bwahahahahaha! I can maybe picture Venus Flytrap laying that groovy patter on a chickadee to good effect, but the Al-bot? It's too much. I so hope it's true.

Posted by: LincolnTf at June 29, 2010 04:57 AM (Um3jj)

108 Just a bad case of DSB, Deadly Sperm Buildup.

I can fix that for ya Al.

Posted by: The Chicken at June 29, 2010 04:57 AM (2+9Yx)

109 Sounds familiar....

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at June 29, 2010 04:59 AM (SeTb6)

110 What?? Sounds like a straight forward carbon credit exchange.All your chakraz belongz 2 goracle.

Posted by: NoMo at June 29, 2010 05:00 AM (pTLZZ)

111 The Second Chakra is associated with the tailbone.

I know all about the Second Chakra, believe me.

Posted by: That Chicken at June 29, 2010 05:01 AM (554T5)

112 And the third and fourth!

Posted by: The Chicken at June 29, 2010 05:06 AM (2+9Yx)

113 noel.....chakra con.....brilliant

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 29, 2010 05:08 AM (ucxC/)

114 I thought Chakra was that vegetable that you fry that they like down South. I learn something new every day at AoS.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at June 29, 2010 05:10 AM (554T5)

115 "Melt my glacier, bitch!"

Posted by: Al Gore at June 29, 2010 05:22 AM (kFytp)

116

Owl Gore says I will trade you 35 Carbon Credits if you do me bitch....

Posted by: Mother Jones at June 29, 2010 05:39 AM (k7Ddt)

117 RM, #112, You need to read the entire complaint. I did, last week. She spoke to a friend right after the assault, and this friend, who reveres the Goracle, told her to essentially give him one free grope for the planet. She was afraid of her reputation being ruined, and that in Birkenstock Granola, Oregon, she would not be able to stay in business. I don't think that has ever happened to a woman accusing a highly-place Democrat before (*coff..KathleenWilleyPaulaJonesMonicaLewinskyJuanitaBroaddrick..coff*) so her concern is probably just the delusion of another Gore Groupie. Not. Her complaint has the ring of truth to me. Especially when you factor in his X-Treme Mood Swings. Like, he's never raged, screamed like a lunatic and attempted to intimidate before???

Posted by: MathMom at June 29, 2010 05:44 AM (cMEOf)

118 ...(bummer - no preview)...attempted to intimidate

Posted by: MathMom at June 29, 2010 05:46 AM (cMEOf)

119 Maybe the massage gal reminded him of ManBearPig?

Posted by: crowsting at June 29, 2010 05:47 AM (61BD9)

120 And here's where the angry feminists rise up, and at the top of their lungs: ..................(crickets)................(complete silence)............

Posted by: KilltheHippies at June 29, 2010 05:48 AM (y/+ik)

121 Al Gore #8 We are not worthy.

Posted by: MathMom at June 29, 2010 05:48 AM (cMEOf)

122 The crazed sex poodle has a moral credibility problem. I mean, come on, who will buy his save Gaia drivel after this.

Posted by: bill-tb at June 29, 2010 05:51 AM (y+QfZ)

123 Ick.

Just soo, ick.

I don't care who you are, I will sooo pre-emptively offer a free BJ to any moron who will forswear any future fat, sweaty, entitled bellowing about Chakras!

Posted by: Deety at June 29, 2010 05:55 AM (aVzyR)

124

Am I alone in not wanting to know a damn thing about Al Gore's chakras?

Just the thought...gaggh.

It was very apparent during his term as VP that he was both a political whore, a weasly scumbag, and a cherry topping of perhaps "not quite there" with a suggestion of creepy/kinky sprinkles. It was that apparent that early. Nothing suprises me about him -- not even if they unearthed bodies would it suprise me.

Posted by: unknown jane at June 29, 2010 05:57 AM (5/yRG)

125 You know the story is true because the MFM is smothering it.

Posted by: eman at June 29, 2010 06:00 AM (kFytp)

126 Too bad she didn't grab Gore's 'chakra' and tie it in a knot.

Posted by: GarandFan at June 29, 2010 06:01 AM (6mwMs)

127 Grab my chakra gently, tug it slowly, rub it a little. Yeah that's it. Now cusp the chakra orbs and stroke the chakra. mmmm....yeah. Ooo...my chakra likes that. Really...oooo...mmmm....soothing. Release the universe, baby. Yeah, rub those chakra orbs. Oh yeah, just like that. O yeah! The chakra is being released. Release it. Release it. Mmmm.

Posted by: Al Gore at June 29, 2010 06:27 AM (ZXnUe)

128 SUMMON MY CHAKRA!

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Professional Debate Team at June 29, 2010 06:30 AM (eCAn3)

129 He should hook up with Lorena Bobbit. That's a woman who really knows how to release a chakra

Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 29, 2010 06:31 AM (66uts)

130 In Hinduistic/Buddhistic esoterica -- that New Agers glom onto -- the second Chakra is the genital area is not appropriate for any Licensed Massage therapy work. Period.

Posted by: mbabbitt at June 29, 2010 06:37 AM (p/jtE)

131 Jeebus!

No takers?

What, you have planned on someday being able to futilely bellow to a masseuse to massage your junk, in your dotage?

Just like ALGORE?

I will never understand the mens...

Offer up an excellent BJ today and they will decline, if it is conditioned upon not being a potential douche-tool, 30 years from now...

Posted by: Deety at June 29, 2010 06:38 AM (aVzyR)

132 #12: They were asking her to lie back and think of Gaia.

Posted by: AmishDude at June 29, 2010 07:01 AM (Vo2Ef)

133 This entire thread made me throw up in my mouth.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 29, 2010 07:06 AM (UOM48)

134 What kind of person is obsessed with the sex life of Al Gore Ace it really is time to move beyond this

Posted by: Denny Crane at June 29, 2010 07:11 AM (I+7Zv)

135 Algor - still a chakholster.

Posted by: evil libertarian at June 29, 2010 07:12 AM (s0av5)

136 My kids used to love watching Land of the Lost. That Chakra character was a hoot.

Posted by: Joe Biden at June 29, 2010 07:13 AM (XxAYS)

137

I don't even want to consider that Al Gore has mammalian genitalia -- bleck, ick, gross, ewww.

133 -- you deserve to pay for the brain bleach I had to use...gack! hideous!

Posted by: unknown jane at June 29, 2010 07:13 AM (5/yRG)

138 There's a porn movie in there waiting to be written!

Posted by: PJ at June 29, 2010 07:16 AM (dLFNL)

139

I can't speak for anyone else, Deety, but your offer has that "too good to be true" ring to it.

The reason I believe this story is true is that Gore's terminology is so inappropriate, I believe this masseuse went up to the room more or less knowing what she was expected to do, but because he's so inhuman, he ruined it for her.

Posted by: Crazed Sex Poodle at June 29, 2010 07:20 AM (TOk1P)

140 Then Gore said, "I want you to squeeze my dick like a taxpayer."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 29, 2010 07:21 AM (Beg1J)

141 I'm gonna give you every inch of my chakra!

Posted by: Algore Plant, golden god of Gaia at June 29, 2010 07:21 AM (4YUWF)

142 icky!

Posted by: Y-not at June 29, 2010 07:29 AM (Kn9r7)

143 that is my new code word w/ my wife around the kids.

Posted by: johnny_p at June 29, 2010 07:32 AM (ldoxy)

144 Algore has a fee-vah and only a happy ending will save him.

Posted by: Tom at June 29, 2010 07:32 AM (ubfyI)

145 Then Gore said, "Hey babe, polish my Oscar."

Posted by: The Masseuse at June 29, 2010 07:45 AM (WDySP)

146 Sadly, her story will be believed or not believed based on whether other women come out and make the same or similar claims. Fortunately, Gore isn't really in a position anymore to really intimidate people, international celebrity or not.

Posted by: AmishDude at June 29, 2010 07:56 AM (T0NGe)

147

You know back in the old days we used to see guys on the streets waving their "second chakra" and we had a name for them--Lily wavers!

Sounds to me like Big Chief Gore got tired of squatting in his wigwam pounding his tom tom. Second chakra my ass---which is where it would be if Andy Sullivan were Al Gore.

Posted by: Comanche Voter at June 29, 2010 08:17 AM (ktYjH)

148

Deet - no offer needed. I started off today completely unaware that I even had one chakra, let alone two. I have already made the decision that I will never discuss them with anyone, ever, current post excluded. I do not need bribes. Common decency and the fact that I am not a new-age lefty moonbat will suffice to keep me in line for the rest of my life.

The moron(s) responsible for the "Masseuse" sockpuppets should know that they have made my morning. Comedy. Gold. Especially the "hot 'n heavy...well, heavy."

Posted by: David Frum at June 29, 2010 08:44 AM (1R6cr)

149 Leftover sock...Frum is me.

Posted by: reason at June 29, 2010 08:44 AM (1R6cr)

150 Reading this was gross.

Gross. Gross. Gross. GROSS. GRRROOOSSSSS!!11!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Redhead Infidel at June 29, 2010 08:50 AM (/O9DD)

151

The only red-flag I get from this story is...to put it bluntly...the fact that this story exists at all. Calling a legitimate masseuse when clearly someone of a different "occupation" was desired is a rookie-mistake that, I would imagine, simply "does not happen" for the powerful elite.

- Did Al have a new / naive personal attache book the appointment?

- Did Al do it himself, and assumed that he was such a superstar that no one would be able to resist? Did he get a bad lead from a friend who misinterpreted Al's intent? Call Elliot Spitzer and ask him if he's got a good reference for a massage, and I'm sure you'd get someone with a vastly different skill-set than if you called up a legitimately-creaky geriatric like Harry Reid.

- Was there someone amongst Al's ranks that intentionally made sure a legitimate masseuse was called, ensuring a mismatched set of expectations, and possibly the current scandal?

I could see this sort of situation arising from a sleazeball rube who doesn't know what he's doing, but has grown weary of hotel-television offerings. But for someone as well-connected, wealthy, and allegedly "powerful" this is almost inconceivable. Almost.

Posted by: reason at June 29, 2010 08:59 AM (1R6cr)

152 Proofreading eludes me today.

Posted by: reason at June 29, 2010 09:01 AM (1R6cr)

153

RELEASE THE KRAKENCHAKRA!

Posted by: David Buoy at June 29, 2010 09:06 AM (0QJjg)

154 100 Case at June 29, 2010 05:38 AM (0K+Kw)

ROFL! :-D

Posted by: Mary in LA at June 29, 2010 09:09 AM (NGf/6)

155 Chakra ... and a new word enters the AOSHQ lexicon.

Posted by: torabora at June 29, 2010 09:59 AM (wXaK3)

156 Chakra! I will never think of Al Gore again without thinking of that word. This is going to become a legend. This is perhaps the most foolish thing Al has ever said or done...Chakra. It is right up there with his idiotic attempt to intimidate Bush in a 2000 debate, or when he got burned trying check (he really did try too) a teenage girl in a touch football game also during the 2000 campaign. God that was ugly....

Posted by: MinstrelBoy at June 29, 2010 10:02 AM (rwioF)

157 33 Musta tried to pay her with carbon credits.

Posted by: Case at June 29, 2010 02:03 AM (0K+Kw)

You're toooo funny!

Posted by: torabora at June 29, 2010 10:03 AM (wXaK3)

158 128 The crazed sex poodle has a moral credibility problem. I mean, come on, who will buy his save Gaia drivel after this.

Posted by: bill-tb at June 29, 2010 09:51 AM (y+QfZ)

We will...and we'll buy it with YOUR money. We don't work. You do.

Posted by: Typical Duplicious DemocRAT at June 29, 2010 10:09 AM (wXaK3)

159 If your mothers could see what is written here. You must be libertarians because I hold higher standards for Republicans. Masseuse, you hit your stride at #63. Let.it.go.

Posted by: iowavette at June 29, 2010 10:55 AM (0JTac)

160 I just ate thai food and had a couple of drinks. Do you know how that sits with descriptions of Gore's repulsive behavior? Let's just say, my toilet is getting a workout.

Posted by: nerdygirl at June 29, 2010 10:57 AM (16mOa)

161 Sounds like something Rock Lee from Naruto would do.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at June 29, 2010 04:27 AM (aCnAR)

Actually since Gore has a second Chakra that would make him a Jinchuuriki like Naruto and if Gore is Naruto that mean Bill Clinto must be Jariya, The Pervy Sage.

Gore was just working on his Sexy Jutsu.

Believe it!

Posted by: Rocks at June 29, 2010 11:21 AM (UYace)

162 SilbermÃ¼nzen kaufen or Gold verkaufen or Strom Gas Anbieter

Posted by: maiki at August 23, 2010 12:59 PM (GksBV)

163 This article is informative and interesting, I enjoy reading it.

Posted by: north face at September 10, 2010 11:46 PM (t1yAE)

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