Ace of Spades HQ

July 01, 2010

American Badass
— Ace

Real or not? I don't know. I could check, but, does it matter?

The backstory, I guess, is that this guy is angry about his former teammates kicking him off World of Warcraft and Star Trek online, and he's letting you know how he rolls.

Thanks to mchstarblazer.

Posted by: Ace at 04:16 PM | Comments (228)
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Got a big mufuckin' jackhandle in my Festiva, yo. I'm in the Arby's drivethru now, but that's now. Who knows where I'm goin'? Am I comin' at you nex'? MAY BE.

Posted by: oblig. at July 01, 2010 04:19 PM (x7Ao8)

2 Elena Kagan's done with her confirmation hearings already?

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 04:20 PM (PC0X9)

3 Can. Not. Un. Watch.

Oh, and Ace. It ain't a he. Allegedly.

Posted by: AmishDude at July 01, 2010 04:20 PM (T0NGe)

4 "He" is a "she", actually.

Posted by: ericinva at July 01, 2010 04:22 PM (GaXpK)

5 Yeah, this is apparently a chick... it refers to itself as "she" halfway through.

I'd assume this was a parody vid but we're talking WoW players here.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 04:23 PM (PC0X9)

6 He's got more street cred than President Kick Ass!

Posted by: Blackford Oakes at July 01, 2010 04:23 PM (w9BEi)

7 There's a blogger this guy reminds me off, but he had a recent tragedy in his fam and I don't want to be ugly towards him.

Still, I have no idea what sex this person is.

I think female, and not in the jokey way. I think that's really a girl.

Solid Steele Jack Handle!!!!

Posted by: Chili Corn Chips at July 01, 2010 04:23 PM (dUOK+)

8 leave britney alone!

Posted by: Vic at July 01, 2010 04:23 PM (6taRI)

9 Holy God.

CARTMAN LIVES

Posted by: John Cusack's paperboy at July 01, 2010 04:24 PM (JR2D9)

10 WTF?

And in this episode of Boy or Girl?...

Okay, it's a she.

Is this Steven Seagal's illegitimate daughter?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:24 PM (c0A3e)

11 That is probably the next Supreme Court pick.

Posted by: Vic at July 01, 2010 04:26 PM (6taRI)

That's a good vid.

Good reminder that when you think your life sucks; it doesn't. Not by a f*cking longshot p*ssy muthaf*ckers.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 04:26 PM (F5D93)

13 After watching the rest of the vid, yeah... this is, horrifyingly, a chick.

Fortunately God, in His infinite wisdom, created somebody for everyone.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 04:27 PM (PC0X9)

14 Apparently he hit Fatberty before he hit Puberty.

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Professional Debate Team at July 01, 2010 04:27 PM (eCAn3)

15 I think he/she called someone a fat mother f**ker.

Posted by: Ronster at July 01, 2010 04:27 PM (CuE1G)

16 That thing is mostly baconz.

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 04:28 PM (JR2D9)

17 It rubs the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again.

Wait, did it call someone a fat ass?

Posted by: pajama momma at July 01, 2010 04:28 PM (fo4Wl)

I don't whether we should blame video games for violence, or Pillsbury for being so delicious.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at July 01, 2010 04:29 PM (DPM1U)

19 Ya think it lives in that van ...... DOWN BY THE RIVERRRRRRR !!!!!

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at July 01, 2010 04:30 PM (NuAIL)

20 If you see her coming, you can finish your pizza before you have to ~~run~~ walk for it.

Posted by: fluffy at July 01, 2010 04:31 PM (SwkdU)

21 I will burn your f***ing house down....but first, you will blow me (if you can locate the sexual organ which I possess).

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at July 01, 2010 04:31 PM (DPM1U)

22 goodness gracious great balls of fire fat

Posted by: Gaff at July 01, 2010 04:31 PM (mTB38)

23 The people at Blizzard Entertainment have to have nightmares about what they have created.

Between cashing the checks.

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 04:31 PM (JR2D9)

24 Wow....not sure that I really just saw that....

Posted by: Brad at July 01, 2010 04:31 PM (GkYyh)

25 Back off you pussy-ass muthafuckers... it's glandular.

Posted by: WOW Gangsta at July 01, 2010 04:32 PM (Q5RJh)

26 Th-Th-That boy needs therapy. Purely Pshycosamati c .

Posted by: Chili Corn Chips at July 01, 2010 04:32 PM (dUOK+)

27 Is a jack-iron a standard weapon used in ninjutsu?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:32 PM (c0A3e)

28 That two ton jack handle has seen things that would give you and I PTSD.

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 04:32 PM (JR2D9)

29 That's a girl -- no way that's a guy.

Posted by: Richard Romano at July 01, 2010 04:33 PM (jlgjV)

Can. Not. Un. Watch.

I donated to Ace, and now I want my money back! Gaacck!

Posted by: runningrn at July 01, 2010 04:33 PM (CfmlF)

Gentleman-

To cleanse the palate, turn on Fox.

Ms. Kelly + Ms. Ingraham = Er, something that's probably quite pleasurable to you men.

You're welcome.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 04:33 PM (F5D93)

32 ew. Gross

Posted by: Octomom at July 01, 2010 04:33 PM (JR2D9)

33 Eating well is the best revenge.

Posted by: Iron Bar at July 01, 2010 04:33 PM (SwkdU)

34 If it's a parody... why would you want to humiliate yourself like that?

If it's real... OK, I don't wanna think about what it means if it's real.

Posted by: Sharrukin at July 01, 2010 04:34 PM (eYgrz)

35 Eric Holder is a fucking criminal.

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Professional Debate Team at July 01, 2010 04:34 PM (eCAn3)

36 BWAHAHAHAHAAA!! Oh, god. *gasp* AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA...

Posted by: Moronettes everywhere at July 01, 2010 04:34 PM (I2Yog)

37 25 The people at Blizzard Entertainment have to have nightmares about what they have created.

Between cashing the checks.

Don't worry, they cry themselves to sleep after swimming through their huge vault of money ala Scrooge McDuck, lighting a Cuban Stoagie with a thousand dollar bill, and laying down on their mattresses made of piles of Euros.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:34 PM (c0A3e)

38 This, morons, is the future of our nation. Sad.... just sad.

Posted by: Hobbes at July 01, 2010 04:35 PM (WiOnI)

39 What the? At least I don't feel bad about gaining 5 pounds in the last year. "It" must have lost that much during the filming.

Posted by: 141 Driver at July 01, 2010 04:35 PM (LEynS)

Eric Holder is a fucking criminal.

Definition of irony, huh?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 04:36 PM (F5D93)

41 #33 Ms. Kelly + Ms. Ingraham = Er, something that's probably quite pleasurable to you men.

Thanks, but that's not my speed. I'll watch Poseidon get the shit beat out of him a few more times to soothe my mind.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:36 PM (c0A3e)

Eric Holder is a fucking criminal.

Definition of irony, huh?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 08:36 PM (F5D93)

you got that right lacey

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Professional Debate Team at July 01, 2010 04:37 PM (eCAn3)

43 Michelle, get in here, you have to see this.
_{You've got your work cut out for you.}

Posted by: Barry Obama at July 01, 2010 04:37 PM (rqC5o)

44 Since it's a girl, I'm gonna try and set her up with my nephew.

Don't act like none of you morons have her phone number.

Give it.

Posted by: pajama momma at July 01, 2010 04:37 PM (fo4Wl)

45 She blows her 3 stepfathers with that mouth between cheeseburgers.

Posted by: Pecos Bill at July 01, 2010 04:37 PM (8WOM0)

46 What a great kid!

Posted by: CEO, M&M Mars at July 01, 2010 04:37 PM (SwkdU)

47 46 Since it's a girl, I'm gonna try and set her up with my nephew.

Don't act like none of you morons have her phone number.

Give it.

:sighs:, fine.

867-5309.

/It was but a momentary weakness, I assure you.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:39 PM (c0A3e)

48 My God that was disturbing. It was also amusing to hear fatty call others fat. Poor guy.

Posted by: Bullets&Beer at July 01, 2010 04:40 PM (BedzM)

Awww, I wish Herr would've told me he was in legal trouble. I could have helped in out.

Heh.

_{(it's not as much fun to fuck w/him when he's not here!)}

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 04:40 PM (F5D93)

I'm guessing this is an Obama voter?

"I'll never have to worry about paying my WoW bill again!"

Posted by: blindside1973 at July 01, 2010 04:40 PM (vT9Nl)

51 Is this a Warriors sequel? Walter Hudson's granddaughter eats Coney Island. The End.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at July 01, 2010 04:42 PM (wd0Iq)

52 WoW is serious business!

Posted by: Blackford Oakes at July 01, 2010 04:42 PM (w9BEi)

53 umm, that's, um, a girl. I think.

Posted by: tinkerbella at July 01, 2010 04:42 PM (WbBsx)

54 I slice like a fukin' hamburger.

Posted by: fly at July 01, 2010 04:43 PM (0HQl1)

55
She has a boot load of twinkie nunchakras
( size #2 ) and ding dong shooting stars.

Posted by: Moar! at July 01, 2010 04:44 PM (Oxen1)

56 What's the over/under on that fat POS? I'm guessing 370.

Posted by: Pecos Bill at July 01, 2010 04:44 PM (8WOM0)

hahaha awesome wow players are seriously the most fuct group of people eva.

i have seen an all out counterstrike brawl at a tournment before but no jack handles only $100 g11 keyboards being used as swords.

Posted by: evil libertarian at July 01, 2010 04:44 PM (CeTMH)

58 So now we know what Raykon looks like.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 01, 2010 04:45 PM (IppGc)

59 That's terrifying. OTOH, I don't feel so bad about how I look now. Ahh, Internet. What you taketh away with one hand, you giveth with the other.

Granted, the things you giveth are now scarred into my brain. Li'l bleach in the Val-U-Rite oughtta fix that.

Posted by: Tungsten Monk at July 01, 2010 04:45 PM (kwcvz)

With our luck, this person is a Tea Partier.

Actually, that doesn't matter - the MFM will claim he/she/sexless amoeba-thing is a Tea Partier anyway.

Posted by: blindside1973 at July 01, 2010 04:45 PM (vT9Nl)

61 WoW people will be the funniest to watch when the grid goes down.

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 04:46 PM (JR2D9)

Lane Meyer's paperboy

best.handle.evah.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 04:47 PM (F5D93)

63 Wow, could only watch that for about 30 seconds. Roughly the same amount of time it would take me to punch it in the face if it were talking to me like that in RL.

And why do I keep thinking about Kratos?

Posted by: mpur in Texas (kicking Mexico's ass since 1836) at July 01, 2010 04:47 PM (b8VPN)

64 You know I hit that like Mega McCain hits a gallon of ice cream.

Posted by: Will Folks at July 01, 2010 04:51 PM (JR2D9)

65 Yep. Her too.

Posted by: Will Folks at July 01, 2010 04:51 PM (plsiE)

66 I like the wannabe jihadi headband thing.

Posted by: Alex at July 01, 2010 04:51 PM (ifK+p)

67 I wash myself with a rag in a stick, mother#$%@er!

Posted by: brak at July 01, 2010 04:51 PM (W5NBA)

68 #70 And why do I keep thinking about Kratos?

I think I'm a bit too young for you.

/Srsly, I've only played WoW once. Online games aren't worth getting angry over, people, especially if they cause you to make revenge videos that only serve to make you look like a fool.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:51 PM (c0A3e)

I never thought about the WOW badass being one of our trolls. RayGun/Raykon? Maybe not, because our trolls start out slow and take a while to warm up. The one going by 'Sarah' lately? Possibly.

Posted by: 141 Driver at July 01, 2010 04:52 PM (LEynS)

70 867-5309.

/It was but a momentary weakness, I assure you.

Oh you're good. You thought you could fool me didn't you?

What's the area code huh?

Posted by: pajama momma at July 01, 2010 04:53 PM (fo4Wl)

71 The feel good hit of the year~!

Posted by: Roger Ebert at July 01, 2010 04:55 PM (N/7an)

72 That's too sad to be funny. I started to laugh and then felt kind of dirty.

Posted by: Trimegistus at July 01, 2010 04:55 PM (B6bAu)

73 Release the Chakra Beast!

Posted by: ManBearPig at July 01, 2010 04:55 PM (UnMRd)

74 #78 What's the area code huh?

717

/Goodbye, Jenny.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 04:56 PM (c0A3e)

75 "717" That's funny, she didn't look Amish.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at July 01, 2010 04:59 PM (wd0Iq)

76 The one going by 'Sarah' lately? Possibly.

"Sarah" IS Raykon.

_{Finkle IS Einhorn!}

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 05:01 PM (PC0X9)

77 Mr. Ace, sir? That's a girl. And she's smokin' hot, like me!

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnel at July 01, 2010 05:02 PM (c+xkQ)

best.handle.evah.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 08:47 PM (F5D93)

My mom says i have the best (love) handles.

Posted by: Ricky the Neighbor at July 01, 2010 05:02 PM (YX6i/)

_{Finkle IS Einhorn!}

_{And Einhorn IS Finkle!}

_{*cues the Crying Game soundrack*}

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:02 PM (F5D93)

80 Umm, anyone called the police yet?

Posted by: Who Knows at July 01, 2010 05:02 PM (7FgWm)

81 Is it a he or a she?

Posted by: mpfs at July 01, 2010 05:03 PM (QuP9W)

82 I can understand her calling the 500-600 pounders fat. I bet she doesn't go over maybe 420, tops. Not only that, but she shows that she has the ability to raise one foot to nearly knee level. So she's got that going for her, which is nice.

Posted by: gebrauchshund at July 01, 2010 05:03 PM (d7k0J)

83 /It was but a momentary weakness, I assure you.

She IS living in West Virginia, practically right next to Kratos. Hmm. Hmmmmm...

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 05:04 PM (PC0X9)

84 Not sure if this was pointed out yet, that was a chick...lol

Posted by: digger at July 01, 2010 05:05 PM (sqi+F)

85 World of Warcraft paid for my beach house.

Posted by: Your local Twinkies distributor at July 01, 2010 05:05 PM (SwkdU)

86 *cues the Crying Game soundrack*

*curls up naked in bathtub, weeping in horror*

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 05:05 PM (PC0X9)

87 So like, if we don't donate, you're going to post videos of Ace? That's mean. To us.

Posted by: mr.frakypants at July 01, 2010 05:06 PM (pffBj)

88 I think I'm a bit too young for you.

Heh. Shows what you know. (Unless you're under 18, then never mind)

Posted by: mpur in Texas (kicking Mexico's ass since 1836) at July 01, 2010 05:07 PM (b8VPN)

89 sometimes a burqa doesn't seem like such a bad idea - I would suggest "straw" so that she could lay in wait for her enemies, disguised as a haystack.

Posted by: Frank G at July 01, 2010 05:07 PM (4X0aT)

90 OMG, it's a woman. And what's with the headband?

Posted by: EmilyM. at July 01, 2010 05:07 PM (RrdbX)

91 And that's not a mini van, it's an Awesome Van. A Vagina-Van. Solid Fucking Steel Van!

Girl Power!

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnel at July 01, 2010 05:07 PM (c+xkQ)

92 Were you the little fat guy, Ace?

Posted by: Ack Ack Raymond at July 01, 2010 05:08 PM (8fr2h)

93 91 I can understand her calling the 500-600 pounders fat. I bet she doesn't go over maybe 420, tops. Not only that, but she shows that she has the ability to raise one foot to nearly knee level. So she's got that going for her, which is nice.

Having some heft is perfectly healthy, but that much?

She can raise a foot to knee level? Nice. That's almost as useful as achieving total consciousness on your deathbed.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:08 PM (c0A3e)

94 Is anyone else besides me soaking wet all of a sudden?

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnel at July 01, 2010 05:08 PM (c+xkQ)

ummm, i'm speechless

i feeling like burning my sager now

Posted by: navycopjoe at July 01, 2010 05:09 PM (gg4j2)

And what's with the headband?

Umm, I believe we should critique the hair choice of a buzz-cut before we look to the hair accessories

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:09 PM (F5D93)

103 Ugh.

Worst use of a sock ever

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:10 PM (F5D93)

98 Well, we finally know what happened to Augustus Gloop.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at July 01, 2010 05:11 PM (ab42L)

97 Heh. Shows what you know.

mpur, why don't you have a seat right there.......

Posted by: chris hanson at July 01, 2010 05:11 PM (gg4j2)

100 She's jus mad I pwned her with my night elf mohawk.

Posted by: Mr. T at July 01, 2010 05:12 PM (0pYSi)

101 Posted by: Your local Twinkies distributor at July 01, 2010 09:05 PM (SwkdU)

Where the fuck are you?!

Posted by: Tallahassee at July 01, 2010 05:12 PM (YX6i/)

102 STOP THE INSANITY!

Posted by: Susan Powter at July 01, 2010 05:13 PM (PC0X9)

103 107 Well, we finally know what happened to Augustus Gloop.

Alas, he lived.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:14 PM (c0A3e)

104

_{That's almost as useful as achieving total consciousness on your deathbed.}

She's got that going for her.

Posted by: garrett at July 01, 2010 05:15 PM (8fr2h)

105 What the fuck is that? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!??

Posted by: Gny Sgt Hartman at July 01, 2010 05:15 PM (sonaJ)

106 Nice moves at the end. Very nice. Better get those WoW players some body bags.

Posted by: John Kreese at July 01, 2010 05:16 PM (0pYSi)

107 Where the fuck are you?!
Posted by: Tallahassee at July 01, 2010 09:12 PM (YX6i/)

Sit down and wait your fuckin' turn.

Posted by: Mississippi at July 01, 2010 05:16 PM (PC0X9)

108 That was stressful.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 01, 2010 05:16 PM (4sj7x)

109

_{Worst use of a sock ever}

You know not of which you speak.

Posted by: Tube Socks Belonging to 15 year old boys at July 01, 2010 05:16 PM (8fr2h)

110

"I think I'm a bit too young for you."

Sez you.

Posted by: Roman Polanski in leather chaps and an SS Officers hat at July 01, 2010 05:16 PM (kmEfr)

111 I'm shocked to learn that Pat lives in a trailer park in in West Virginia. I really didn't see that coming. At all.

Posted by: JackStraw at July 01, 2010 05:17 PM (VW9/y)

112
"I'm gonna hit you in the head as hard as I can, and crack you skull open......"

The fat fuck forgot: And eat your brain like its a Jamaican breadfruit, or at least a pair of rat testicles.

Posted by: Fish at July 01, 2010 05:17 PM (v1gw3)

113

mpur, why don't you have a seat right there.......

Posted by: chris hanson at July 01, 2010 09:11 PM (gg4j2)

Chris who?

Posted by: mpur in Texas (kicking Mexico's ass since 1836) at July 01, 2010 05:17 PM (b8VPN)

114 Did David Mamet write her script?

Posted by: Jim Rose at July 01, 2010 05:18 PM (GVHcN)

115

mchstarblazer, yes that would be me. I'm a huge Star Blazers/Battleship Yamato fan from when I was a kid. ace just unintentionally outed me here.

Now that I'm out of the closet, Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:18 PM (t72+4)

116

I'm shocked to learn that Pat lives in a trailer park in in West Virginia. I really didn't see that coming. At all.

I hope she named her WoW character after me.

Posted by: Robert Byrd at July 01, 2010 05:18 PM (0pYSi)

117 She says she's a girl. Just remember when playing MMORPGs. Here is the face hiding behind that sexy avatar.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at July 01, 2010 05:19 PM (0q2P7)

118

You know not of which you speak.

Posted by: Tube Socks Belonging to 15 year old boys at July 01, 2010 09:16 PM (8fr2h)

I'm afraid I do.

Posted by: Average Suburban Washing Machine at July 01, 2010 05:19 PM (PC0X9)

119
Is this the fat kid who plays Monopoly with his mother and whacks off to pictures of Jenna Jameson in her little nurse outfit?

Posted by: Fish at July 01, 2010 05:19 PM (v1gw3)

120 Chaz Bono is angry.

Posted by: argie at July 01, 2010 05:20 PM (M5zxj)

121 Never understood why the Gamelons/Comet Empire never attacked the Space Battleship Yamato from underneath. You can move in 3 dimensions in space - no need to attack on the same plane that the target's weapons cover.

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at July 01, 2010 05:20 PM (kmEfr)

122 And here I was thinking that this might be the thread about the first living MOH recipient in the GWOT (finally).

Posted by: CavMedic at July 01, 2010 05:21 PM (rYFmu)

123 112 Christopher Edward Hansen (born March 26, 1959) is a United States television infotainment personality. He is well-known for his work on the Dateline NBC television segment To Catch a Predator. These investigations revolved around catching potential Internet sex predators using a sting operation.

Posted by: chris hanson at July 01, 2010 05:22 PM (gg4j2)

124

@125: "I hope she named her WoW character after me."

Posted by: Robert Byrd at July 01, 2010 09:18 PM (0pYSi)

------------

Deadsheet? Stiffkleagle? The Robert C. Byrd Memorial World of Warcraft Character?

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at July 01, 2010 05:22 PM (kmEfr)

125 130 Never understood why the Gamelons/Comet Empire never attacked the Space Battleship Yamato from underneath. You can move in 3 dimensions in space - no need to attack on the same plane that the target's weapons cover.

Now you tell me.

Posted by: KHAAAAAAAN! at July 01, 2010 05:22 PM (c0A3e)

126 Yeah, well, just don't get between it & a cupcake

Posted by: PMain at July 01, 2010 05:22 PM (fs1gP)

127 131 And here I was thinking that this might be the thread about the first living MOH recipient in the GWOT (finally).

Would that be the dwarf who did the Fires of Azeroth Achievement and made it back to Ironforge to tell about it?

Posted by: WoW Player at July 01, 2010 05:24 PM (PC0X9)

128

oh god, i just saw it again and of course those moves?

yep, he/she/it is a ninja

ninja please

Posted by: chris hanson at July 01, 2010 05:24 PM (gg4j2)

129 Christopher Edward Hansen (born March 26, 1959) is a United States television infotainment personality. He is well-known for his work on the Dateline NBC television segment To Catch a Predator. These investigations revolved around catching potential Internet sex predators using a sting operation.

Nope, too old for me. Thanks anyway.

Posted by: mpur in Texas (kicking Mexico's ass since 1836) at July 01, 2010 05:25 PM (b8VPN)

130 sock pwn'd

Posted by: navycopjoe at July 01, 2010 05:25 PM (gg4j2)

131 Is this the long suffering Dum Dum getting even with the Moron crowd for making fun when he suggested it's normal to give his girlfriend fellatio?

Posted by: Fish at July 01, 2010 05:25 PM (v1gw3)

132 Tips To Defeating American Badass:

1) throw cheezeburger on ground
2) laugh
3) steal his car
4) laugh as you drive away

Posted by: tangonine at July 01, 2010 05:26 PM (C8Pcc)

133

I want you muthafuckas to see sumptin. This the handle to my two-ton turkey fryer.

Posted by: WoW Gangsta at July 01, 2010 05:26 PM (t72+4)

134 That's a girl?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at July 01, 2010 05:26 PM (RZ8pf)

135 I dunno, kind of turns me on

Posted by: EzE at July 01, 2010 05:26 PM (ZcCE2)

136 Now you tell me.
Posted by: KHAAAAAAAN! at July 01, 2010 09:22 PM (c0A3e)

Uhura, send to commander, Reliant: "Surrender and prepare to be boarded. But you will blow me first."

Posted by: Admiral Mel T. Kirk at July 01, 2010 05:28 PM (PC0X9)

137 #128

No. This is the fat kid that googles pr0n and then cries as a abuses himself to goatse.

Posted by: tangonine at July 01, 2010 05:28 PM (C8Pcc)

138
That's a girl?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at July 01, 2010 09:26 PM (RZ8pf)

It said it was. We're gonna need to send a red shirt for confirmation.

Posted by: Away Team Co-ordinator at July 01, 2010 05:28 PM (t72+4)

139

I dunno, kind of turns me on

Oh now this poses an interesting question--

So morons, fess up. You'd hit it for how much?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:30 PM (F5D93)

140 So morons, fess up. You'd hit it for how much?

Ten million bucks and a free memory wipe.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 05:32 PM (PC0X9)

141 #148

One hundred dollars, but I get to pay in 25 dollar installments every two weeks.

Posted by: DngrMse at July 01, 2010 05:32 PM (c+xkQ)

142

I dunno, kind of turns me on

Oh now this poses an interesting question--

So morons, fess up. You'd hit it for how much?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 09:30 PM (F5D93)

With a JDAM for free.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:32 PM (t72+4)

143 #148 So morons, fess up. You'd hit it for how much?

There is no treasure here on Earth, in Hades, or in the Heavenly realms that would lead me to "hit it" in the manner you are alluding to.

Posted by: KHAAAAAAAN! at July 01, 2010 05:32 PM (c0A3e)

144 Perhaps this is one foe that even the Blade of Olympus cannot destroy.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:33 PM (c0A3e)

145
After all morons turn her down, at least Margaret Cho would hammer it hard, or at least with a gigantic Pink Pocket Rocket.

Posted by: Fish at July 01, 2010 05:34 PM (v1gw3)

146

I'd hit it, like a laser guided bomb hitting an Afghan wedding reception.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:34 PM (t72+4)

147 I give it a solid B+

Posted by: Tony B at July 01, 2010 05:34 PM (SlIH/)

148 #149 Ten million bucks and a free memory wipe.

You'll need more than a memory wipe to rationalize all the bruises and broken bones...

/For the memories of a lifetime. Recall! Recall! Recall!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:35 PM (c0A3e)

149 What i need to know is how long Blazer was hitting on her?

Posted by: sAwen at July 01, 2010 05:35 PM (7FgWm)

150 /For the memories of a lifetime. Recall! Recall! Recall!

That was going to be my next sockpuppet.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 01, 2010 05:35 PM (PC0X9)

151

I dunno, kind of turns me on

Oh now this poses an interesting question--

So morons, fess up. You'd hit it for how much?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 09:30 PM (F5D93)

There isn't enough flour in the world.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:36 PM (t72+4)

152 See! I told Kevin Smith he'd look younger without the beard.

Posted by: Roger Ebert at July 01, 2010 05:36 PM (N/7an)

153

@148: "So morons, fess up. You'd hit it for how much?"

I need a 400-ton booty to get busy at maximum efficiency.

Posted by: Bender Bending Rodriguez at July 01, 2010 05:36 PM (kmEfr)

154

The concept of Â“hitting itÂ” reminds me of the insults reel earlier, and Bruce WillisÂ’s quotation about having to roll it in flour first and aim for the wet spot, slap a thigh and ride the wave inÂ…

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at July 01, 2010 05:36 PM (RZ8pf)

155 What i need to know is how long Blazer was hitting on her it?

Posted by: sAwen at July 01, 2010 09:35 PM (7FgWm)

Posted by: Editor at July 01, 2010 05:36 PM (YX6i/)

156 159 What i need to know is how long Blazer was hitting on her?

Ever since he gazed upon her avatar in the Night Elf forest?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:37 PM (c0A3e)

157

Oh come on now. I have to imagine some of you have ended up with worse after .25 cent beer night at the local dive bar.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:38 PM (F5D93)

158 Miss me yet?

Posted by: Elena Kagan in Fishnets and a Thong at July 01, 2010 05:38 PM (PC0X9)

159
What i need to know is how long Blazer was hitting on her it?

Posted by: sAwen at July 01, 2010 09:35 PM (7FgWm)

Posted by: Editor at July 01, 2010 09:36 PM (YX6i/)

Ninja pleeze, not even for all the bourbon in Tennessee.. However, if she actually could get her hands on all of that bourbon I would have to rethink that.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:39 PM (t72+4)

160 I'd hit it for $2

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 05:39 PM (JR2D9)

161 165

*barf, barf*. Thanks for the reminder...

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:39 PM (c0A3e)

162 We finally know who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman.

This thing.

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 05:41 PM (JR2D9)

163

I'd hit it for $2

Marry me!

Posted by: laceyunderalls channeling maeby funke at July 01, 2010 05:41 PM (F5D93)

164 Nice! A hot ninja chick. That's why i like this blog.

Posted by: robtr at July 01, 2010 05:42 PM (fwSHf)

165 Oh come on now. I have to imagine some of you have ended up with worse after .25 cent beer night at the local dive bar.

Actually no, not really.

Posted by: Shamu at July 01, 2010 05:42 PM (PC0X9)

166

Oh come on now. I have to imagine some of you have ended up with worse after .25 cent beer night at the local dive bar.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 09:38 PM (F5D93)

Nah, not even in a canadian bar.

Posted by: robtr at July 01, 2010 05:43 PM (fwSHf)

167 Marry me!

Wouldn't you rather keep it in the family?

Posted by: STEVE HOLT! at July 01, 2010 05:44 PM (PC0X9)

168

Oh come on now. I have to imagine some of you have ended up with worse after .25 cent beer night at the local dive bar.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 09:38 PM (F5D93)

Do we know each other ?

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:44 PM (t72+4)

169

@165: "The concept of Â“hitting itÂ” reminds me of the insults reel earlier, and Bruce WillisÂ’s quotation about having to roll it in flour first and aim for the wet spot, slap a thigh and ride the wave inÂ…"

Honey, I don't think even *I* could actually hit it. I don't mean from an aesthetic standpoint - I've fucked worse. I mean, even with my 13", I don't think I could actually get close enough to "hit" anything.

Posted by: Zombie John Holmes at July 01, 2010 05:46 PM (kmEfr)

170

Do we know each other ?

Yeah you were the one I kinda had in mind when I was typing that

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:46 PM (F5D93)

171

The caption underneath nearly did me in:

"Who's really to blame here: video games for being so violent or Pillsbury for being so delicious?"

Posted by: jmflynny at July 01, 2010 05:46 PM (NHK5s)

172
OMIGOD Kratos talks like a chick!

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:48 PM (az7KX)

173
Morgantown West BY-GOD Virginia!

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:49 PM (az7KX)

174 Did ya like my vid, cons?

Posted by: Raygun is a lardass at July 01, 2010 05:49 PM (554T5)

175

@183: The caption underneath nearly did me in:

"Who's really to blame here: video games for being so violent or Pillsbury for being so delicious?"

-------------

The sad thing? They meant the whole, entire town of Pillsbury, ND.

Posted by: Zombie John Holmes at July 01, 2010 05:49 PM (kmEfr)

176
Oh shit, 'moves'. Somebody call running knife spaz guy.

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:50 PM (az7KX)

177
the whole, entire town of Pillsbury, ND.

Those fuckers, they'll take one right to the fuckin' balls.

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:50 PM (az7KX)

178
Oh come on now. I have to imagine some of you have ended up with worse after .25 cent beer night at the local dive bar.

GET OUT OF MY FUCKIN HEAD LACEEEYYYYYYYY!

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:51 PM (az7KX)

179 184 OMIGOD Kratos talks like a chick!

Funny, I thought that was your sister in the video.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at July 01, 2010 05:51 PM (c0A3e)

180 My only regret is that the heyday of Ultima Online existed far prior to YouTube...

Posted by: Herr Blücher at July 01, 2010 05:52 PM (X3yb3)

181 Dude,,,,,,, just.......... Dude......

Posted by: TheGarbone at July 01, 2010 05:52 PM (F6jdb)

182
because it can get low, and then you can't hit it

Apparently it's a 'female'. Wouldn't hit it with the jack handle or Blazer's dick.

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:53 PM (az7KX)

183 Big boned heifer...

Posted by: Good Ol' Pete Stark at July 01, 2010 05:54 PM (kb0wl)

184 Did her parents actually pay for her to have braces at some point? I mean...what's that old saying about lipstick?

Posted by: jmflynny at July 01, 2010 05:55 PM (NHK5s)

185
Apparently it's a 'female'. Wouldn't hit it with the jack handle or Blazer's dick.

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 09:53 PM (az7KX)

Dude, I wouldn't fuck across the street from her. Of course with my dick you could fuck her from across the street ,but that's another story entirely.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 05:56 PM (t72+4)

186

Big boned heifer...

Yes, her 'big bones' are her most pressing life issue.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:56 PM (F5D93)

187

199 The hell you say?!

You've got my undivided attention.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 05:58 PM (F5D93)

188
Big boned heifer...

That is all moves, mother fucker.

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 05:58 PM (az7KX)

189 She has nice teeth.

Posted by: argie at July 01, 2010 05:58 PM (M5zxj)

190 See? This is why my husband, Elena Kagan and I are going to tell you what you can and cannot eat. Bow before us, pigs.

Posted by: The First Wookie at July 01, 2010 05:59 PM (554T5)

191

Awww.

Argie's so nice.

_{Who the hell let a nice person like Argie in here?}

Posted by: jmflynny at July 01, 2010 06:00 PM (NHK5s)

192 That is all moves, mother fucker.
Posted by: Dang Straights

Ridin' in the wave.

(ulp)

Posted by: Good Ol' Pete Stark at July 01, 2010 06:00 PM (kb0wl)

193
The hell you say?!

You've got my undivided attention.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 01, 2010 09:58 PM (F5D93)

It's been pretty divided, I'm circumcized.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 06:01 PM (t72+4)

194 Sorry, not so much that I'm nice. I just really like nice teeth.

Posted by: argie at July 01, 2010 06:05 PM (M5zxj)

195 Whoa! Big hoss!

Posted by: Tallahassee Florida at July 01, 2010 06:05 PM (kmEfr)

196

@207: "It's been pretty divided, I'm circumcized."

See, that's why Jews are the most optimistic people on the plant. They cut part of it off before they even know how big it's gonna get.

Posted by: Old Joke at July 01, 2010 06:07 PM (kmEfr)

197

Chief Wahoo McDaniel just e-mailed me to say that he thinks he finally found his long lost twin-sister.

Posted by: Blazer at July 01, 2010 06:07 PM (t72+4)

198

Okay, I can bet that I am not the only one who is dusting off the weights, kettlebells and going jogging tomorrow. I shall mend my ways, I swear it! No more vending machine honeybuns, diet soda from now on, coffee: black.

My god, I have gazed into the abyss of weight control and it has has gazed back.

(And threatened me with ju-jitsu and a tire iron...)

Posted by: Warthog at July 01, 2010 06:09 PM (syTu6)

199
See, that's why Jews are the most optimistic

Also, proof you can take 10% off ANYTHING.

Posted by: Dang Straights at July 01, 2010 06:09 PM (az7KX)

200 I'd hit it.

Posted by: Governor Patterson at July 01, 2010 06:11 PM (Ulu3i)

201

Hey now, I grew up in a trailer park in Morganhole, WVa, and I'll have you know ... any possible insult is fully justified.

Posted by: lgw at July 01, 2010 06:11 PM (K0krP)

202

I actually am fascinated by teeth. Michael York had fabulous teeth. But I loved Cher's and David Bowie's odd choppers. I was crushed when they replaced them with mouth hooves. Right now, Tom Hardy has the best odd teeth. He's going to be a huge star. I will be disappointed if he gets a mouth hoof.

Posted by: argie at July 01, 2010 06:11 PM (M5zxj)

203

Used to hate West By God Virginny for all that damn coal. But this, ... this changes things! Maybe some potential for second Chakras there. Virginia, you, damn that's kinda sexy with a name like that. Fuck me, Almost Heaven, West Virginia! Fucking John Denver was fucking genius, I see it now! If I can play my cards right, you know, opportune moments!

Posted by: algore at July 01, 2010 06:12 PM (XYcTY)

204

Release my Second Chocol-atra bitches !

Posted by: WoW Gangsta at July 01, 2010 06:14 PM (t72+4)

205 It's worse than that----I think Tough Michelin Man is actually female.

:::shudder::

Posted by: Sekhmet at July 01, 2010 06:16 PM (IIlVJ)

206 Hey, think she'll tie me up first? Damn it I hope she was a druid, that'd be perfect. Ennervate me, root me, .... HOLY CRAP TREE FORM! Oh my god, pleeeze, pleeze be resto!

Posted by: algore at July 01, 2010 06:20 PM (XYcTY)

207

Just one question- does it slice like a hammer?

I can't believe noone has asked that yet...

Posted by: Bill H at July 01, 2010 06:21 PM (q8CmE)

208 I felt my aorta clogging with cheese whiz and chunks of potato just by watching 30 seconds of that. As Tarzan would say, "Tantor mad!"

Posted by: eman at July 01, 2010 06:21 PM (kFytp)

209 >>I actually am fascinated by teeth. That's how I knew this video was fake. There are about 2 million people in the state and close to 1.5 million teeth. In total. The greatest invention ever to come out of W. Virginia was the toothbrush. If it had been invented in any other state it would be know as a teethbrush.

Posted by: JackStraw at July 01, 2010 06:23 PM (VW9/y)

210 Now see, Argie. I mentioned the whole braces thing earlier in keeping with the theme of pack-dog mentality and poking fun of the clearly insane. Then you had to go and make it all creepy with your weird teeth fetish.

Posted by: jmflynny at July 01, 2010 06:29 PM (NHK5s)

211 At 3:04, I could of sworn she asked if we wanted to see moobs, at that point I was very confused and scared of what was coming next...

Posted by: iagator at July 01, 2010 06:36 PM (sFN88)

212 Imagine how lucky I am now in light of this upcoming starlet. And the fact that women are powerless to resist me! Haha, yes, buddy, sucks to be you. She's mine, you hosebag loser. See this? This is the world's smallest violin, and it's crying for you, boy. Take the bus to Waco, or something, coz' the Big Dog's moving in on this tigress!

Posted by: algore at July 01, 2010 06:37 PM (XYcTY)

213 What the hell is that thing? Get it some oxygen ! it's "wheezing" ... What does this thing Fight except the battle of the Bulge and gravity?

Posted by: Dw Pepper at July 01, 2010 06:41 PM (8b9o/)

214

Lets see...A bunch of on-line teens have been getting cyber from this "chick" for some time. All the while she is leading them to belive she is some hot bi-sexual naughty girl with a dirty mouth and an a rabid sex drive. She posts some BS pics of someone who fits the profile and as a result, enjoys the on-line attention and rep. Then at some point her cover is blown and the truth get out that she is, well, what we see here, and she is mocked and hated worse then any mangina.

There are a hand full of WoW players who are having to come to grips that their fantasy girl, the love of their life, hell, the girls many of them have been claiming as their "girl friend" is nothing what she says she is but the reality of that statement is harsher then one could have ever imagined. I bet some have even spoken to her on the phone. /shiver.

Posted by: Moemo at July 01, 2010 06:45 PM (JDrQ3)

215 I never went to sleep next to anything that scary.

But I damn sure woke up next to some that scary.

Posted by: Lane Meyer's paperboy at July 01, 2010 06:49 PM (JR2D9)

216 If you look carefully, at the 57 second mark, you can clearly see there's a 76' ford pinto in orbit around her.

Posted by: DngrMse at July 01, 2010 06:54 PM (c+xkQ)

217 Wow.
Fat Bastard had a kid.
Who'd a thunk.

Posted by: Shannow at July 01, 2010 07:37 PM (LJcef)

218 I'm sensing a lot of anger there.

Posted by: bour3 at July 01, 2010 07:53 PM (Ya12A)

219 lol i told U americans are fatarse cheez wiz eat fart arses!! haha

Posted by: bilal at July 01, 2010 09:14 PM (txMNu)

220 ^{49
She blows her 3 stepfathers with that mouth between cheeseburgers.} ^{Posted by: Pecos Bill}

Damn, she must blow her stepdads about 40 times a day.

Posted by: Toby The Beagle at July 01, 2010 09:52 PM (Vol3D)

221 Damn sock!!

Posted by: MrCaniac at July 01, 2010 09:54 PM (Vol3D)

222 To my complete lack of surprise...

...living in a trailer park.

Posted by: g at July 01, 2010 10:24 PM (hcEHr)

223 Nice. She moved back home to the trailer park. Getting bullied off of WoW was probably a blessing in disguise. From her heft, to her pasty white complexion, making this video is probably the most sunshine and fresh air she's had in months. As for her "moves" it reminds me of Kip in "Napoleon Dynamite" when he goes to "Rex Kwon Do"

Posted by: Snake Plissken at July 01, 2010 11:01 PM (4SDHr)

224 How to get away?

Just walk...casually.

I don't see It being able to keep up. Not with that much post-Cheetos layers packed on that frame.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have my life to live.

DaWG
A resident of America's Hat.Â©

Posted by: Dumbass White Guy at July 02, 2010 02:51 AM (XqTFT)

225 It's a juggalette, hence the tough talk. I've run across her vlog on Youtube.

Posted by: Dave at July 02, 2010 03:03 AM (p7r6I)

226

Good Lard! It'll take Capt. Ahab 4 Harpoons to land that Moby....

Prob take the more MODERN versions, at that....

Posted by: IP Freely at July 02, 2010 03:11 AM (R4ffQ)

227 Damn. Lame-ass just got new meaning.

Posted by: maddogg at July 02, 2010 05:17 AM (OlN4e)

228 ohhhh I have nothing worthwhile to add..... well, except that America sure has gone to hell.

Posted by: TA at July 02, 2010 01:33 PM (midTg)

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