Ace of Spades HQ

January 08, 2010

Brain-In-A-Bag Friday
— LauraW

Hey, check it out, it's FiAF!

It's after noon EST, which means most of you have already completed at least one hour of wretched productivity this morning.

Listen my sweetling puddinheads, it's Friday.

After your break, flop your brain into your empty lunchbag, shove it under your desk, and enjoy the serenity of an empty skull and several hours of sweet, paid you-time.

Here.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. Â» A New Mexico family is suing two funeral homes over a gruesome incident in which members unwittingly accepted a bag containing a relative's brain and only became aware of it by the odor a day later.
Funeral homes in New Mexico and Utah, where the woman died, are blaming each other for the mistake. Both have been named in the lawsuit.
"This is just a sad tragedy," plaintiffs attorney Richard Valle said Wednesday. "This almost feels like something you'd read about in a Stephen King book."

Really? No wonder the family is pissed!

But I read the rest of the article, and never saw where the brain takes over a sleepy small town in Maine and turns the inhabitants into sunken-eyed brainthralls.

That part will probably come out in court.

Have a wonderful weekend, peeps, and try to do something fun. Life is too short to be so serious all the time, even when things seem bad.

Know what I mean? Like, if we're all going to Hell in a schoolbus, I'd postulate that the best person to be is the dip that starts warbling "Nine hundred ninety nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall...."
YMMV.

Posted by: LauraW at 08:35 AM | Comments (76)
Post contains 272 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Name? Abby. Abby Normal.

Posted by: GrumpyUnk at January 08, 2010 08:38 AM (NgeL9)

2 Brain-inna-bag would be an interesting variation on boil-a-bag meals.

Just musin'.

Posted by: Miss HeatherRadish at January 08, 2010 08:43 AM (mR7mk)

On a mission this weekend. Gun show. Hoping to find a Glock 36 in decent shape for less than $475.

Also a Remington 870 12 gauge for $150 or less.

Either one would be a miracle.

Posted by: Scott J. at January 08, 2010 08:43 AM (NY7mQ)

4 Um, why would the funeral home have removed this person's brain? Is that standard procedure? I thought corpses usually took their brains with them.

Posted by: Jonny B at January 08, 2010 08:43 AM (rfqWJ)

The brain later was buried with the woman's body.

Well, thank God for that. She's might need that where she's going.

Posted by: runningrn at January 08, 2010 08:43 AM (CfmlF)

Stephen King's last book was annoyingly political, almost to the point where I didn't enjoy it.

Almost.

Posted by: ATaLien at January 08, 2010 08:44 AM (SkRi5)

7 Crappy luck , dying in a funeral home .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at January 08, 2010 08:44 AM (cx4Ll)

That's a shame they didn't know what to do with it, they could have kept it alive in a jar for years!!!

Posted by: Tom Servo at January 08, 2010 08:45 AM (T1boi)

Hey, where's my lunch?

Posted by: zombie funeral director at January 08, 2010 08:45 AM (9szrE)

10 Why did they remove her brain???? Geez, no wonder I want to be cremated.

Posted by: Jewells at January 08, 2010 08:45 AM (l/N7H)

Well, what do you expect when the woman died in two different states? "...in New Mexico and Utah, where the woman died..." This does have Stephen King written all over it, except I didn't see any evidence of the scary clown....

Posted by: m-o-o-n that spells Tom Cullen at January 08, 2010 08:45 AM (8g9qq)

12 4, maybe it's an Egyptian-style burial.

Posted by: Scott J. at January 08, 2010 08:47 AM (NY7mQ)

13 Does LauraW only post on Fridays?

Posted by: maddogg at January 08, 2010 08:48 AM (OlN4e)

14 The brain later was buried with the woman's body.

Standard procedure.

Posted by: Tutankhamun at January 08, 2010 08:48 AM (mR7mk)

15 Stephen King's

D E M O N
S A C K

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 08, 2010 08:48 AM (YLnnA)

16 If that woman had been a leftard, there would have been no problem...

Posted by: maddogg at January 08, 2010 08:49 AM (OlN4e)

17 A new twist to "brown baggin".......

Posted by: Vic at January 08, 2010 08:49 AM (QrA9E)

Well, what do you expect when the woman died in two different states? "...in New Mexico and Utah, where the woman died..." This does have Stephen King written all over it, except I didn't see any evidence of the scary clown....

She could have died in four states with only a little care about where she lay down.

Posted by: huerfano at January 08, 2010 08:49 AM (9szrE)

19 Stephen King's

L U N C H B A G
L E T D O W N

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 08, 2010 08:52 AM (YLnnA)

20 So, what district is she running for Congress in?

Posted by: nickless at January 08, 2010 08:53 AM (MMC8r)

21 I have a great fun weekend lined up. The low is -2 deg. F. So I'm gonna play a round of freeze ass.

Posted by: maddogg at January 08, 2010 08:53 AM (OlN4e)

22 The Hardy Boys triumphant return!
in

T H E
M Y S T E R I O U S O D O R

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 08, 2010 08:54 AM (YLnnA)

Forgot link.

http://tinyurl.com/ygj5mgn

Posted by: huerfano at January 08, 2010 08:54 AM (9szrE)

24 brainthralls - Google it. AoS is the #1 hit.

AoS - Come for the smart military pr0n, stay for the vocabulary lessons.

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at January 08, 2010 08:56 AM (lhxhu)

ew. That is seriously one of the sickest things I've read. It's just wrong. I guess the funeral home didn't think to check inside the bag before giving it to the family. Then again, how did no one feel that the bag was squishy? Was the brain sealed inside something else? Otherwise, wouldn't the bag have become soggy? (So many questions that the pitiful article did not answer!)

I used to love reading Stephen King's books until he decided to bag on US soldiers. Now I just get pissed whenever I see the book I was about to read when he made that statement.

Posted by: soulpile at January 08, 2010 08:56 AM (UQYjD)

26 Stephen King's

P A P E R
O R
P L A S T I C ?

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 08, 2010 08:57 AM (YLnnA)

27 Dammit, I wished they didn't bury it, I could've used those brains. My IQ would go up to !!11Eleventy!!!!111

Posted by: Joe "The Sheriff" Biden at January 08, 2010 08:57 AM (LdYLm)

28

Lunchtime!

Posted by: Andrew Zimmerman at January 08, 2010 08:59 AM (lhxhu)

29 Do zombies eat brains-inna-bag, or do they have to be fresh?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at January 08, 2010 08:59 AM (mR7mk)

Awesome. Pretty glad I was eating lunch when I read that one.

Good appetite suppressant though.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at January 08, 2010 09:01 AM (pLTLS)

31
Robert Ludlum's

T H E
C E R E B E L L U M
S A T C H E L

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 08, 2010 09:01 AM (YLnnA)

32 I sure hope the rest of the family is pro-life.

Posted by: Fritz at January 08, 2010 09:01 AM (GwPRU)

33 Mmmmm. Brain pate on rye crackers. Very nutritious.

Posted by: Zombie Lunchtime at January 08, 2010 09:02 AM (/Ft4q)

34 I think zombies need live prey, but I'm not sure.

Can anyone answer HeatherRadish's question?

Posted by: lauraw at January 08, 2010 09:02 AM (Ohkuv)

35 Raise the polymer half-gallon cup, LauraW, raise it high.

And repeatedly.

Posted by: sporadic small arms fire at January 08, 2010 09:06 AM (dP6Ky)

36 Do zombies eat brains-inna-bag, or do they have to be fresh?

What do you mean? African or European zombie?

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at January 08, 2010 09:09 AM (lhxhu)

37 Where is Charlie Gibson?

Posted by: Mike H at January 08, 2010 09:10 AM (Vb7mu)

38 An hour of productivity? Uh...sure.

Posted by: jcjimi at January 08, 2010 09:12 AM (NEj2I)

39 Do zombies eat brains-inna-bag, or do they have to be fresh? The liberal zombies prefer fresh brains from their neighborhood. The whole "eat locally" thing, y'know.

Posted by: joncelli at January 08, 2010 09:15 AM (RD7QR)

40 African or European zombie?

I don't know? *aaaaaaaaaaaaigh!* Heh.

Remind me to call up some Hooters when get home from work.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at January 08, 2010 09:16 AM (mR7mk)

41 And when I opened my lunchbag there was a lousy ham sandwich. How the heck am I supposed to eat that ??

Posted by: unnnggghhh at January 08, 2010 09:16 AM (pZEar)

42 Fresh, organic brains are always preferable, but one can make do with frozen if there is no other choice. Eat locally!

Posted by: zombie chef at January 08, 2010 09:20 AM (9szrE)

43 Ok, I am going to take my brain out of the bag and finally ask? What is FiAF?

Testing the old line of "there are no stupid questions" and hoping beyond hope that the actual answer would be forthcoming.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at January 08, 2010 09:21 AM (DIYmd)

44 Sounds like the Old Bag gave her family a Piece of Her Mind. *rimshot*

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 08, 2010 09:22 AM (QECjC)

45 F*** it all Friday!

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at January 08, 2010 09:23 AM (lhxhu)

46 How did they unscrew the head, take out the brain, and screw it back on for the casket showing?

Posted by: mystry at January 08, 2010 09:25 AM (kmgIE)

The liberal zombies prefer fresh brains from their neighborhood. The whole "eat locally" thing, y'know.

Think globally, kill locally.

Posted by: Zombie Mama AJ at January 08, 2010 09:25 AM (Be4xl)

48 @48 *golf clap*

Posted by: ATaLien at January 08, 2010 09:25 AM (SkRi5)

NEW VIDEO: Harry Reid gets interrupted by protester at Town Hall Meeting

The man gets removed to the cheers of the crowd

Posted by: hotairpundit at January 08, 2010 09:26 AM (OBUuM)

Buy my locally produced organic brains!

And upgrade to the gold-plated* ones for only $150.

_{*served on a gold colored plate}

Posted by: Zombie Mama AJ at January 08, 2010 09:27 AM (Be4xl)

51 "Well, we can burn her, bury her or eat her."
"Did you say eat her?"
"Yeah. Not Raw!"

Posted by: monty python skit at January 08, 2010 09:27 AM (i0rVe)

52 Maybe it was in the will.. She would show them 'ole meenies of her family that she did indeed have a brain.

Posted by: mystry at January 08, 2010 09:29 AM (kmgIE)

53 Sherlock Holmes in:

"The Bag With the Genius IQ"

Posted by: monty python skit at January 08, 2010 09:30 AM (i0rVe)

Testing the old line of "there are no stupid questions" and hoping beyond hope that the actual answer would be forthcoming.

There are, and that's why you're being moved to the Sale Shelf.

Posted by: Zombie Mama AJ at January 08, 2010 09:30 AM (Be4xl)

55 Stephen King's last book was annoyingly political, almost to the point where I didn't enjoy it.

Oh? I'm still at the part where everyone is smacking into the dome. Good times, good times.

Also thank heavens for the Kindle, I'm not lugging that 47 pound book around to read. Drop on spiders, yes, read, no.

Posted by: alexthechick at January 08, 2010 09:35 AM (8WZWv)

56 @61 Alex- I probably read too much into it, but it definately influenecd my opinion of the book overall by the end. Still, a pretty decent book overall.

Posted by: ATaLien at January 08, 2010 09:37 AM (SkRi5)

Annnnnd too many overalls there. Nice.

Posted by: ATaLien at January 08, 2010 09:38 AM (SkRi5)

58 Thanks Irene, a first person surprise and only one follow up snark which means this site is getting a little too nice. But maybe thats because it is FiAF!

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at January 08, 2010 09:40 AM (DIYmd)

59 Brains? Never heard of them.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at January 08, 2010 09:40 AM (LdYLm)

60 I know what this is all about. Last year, Granny was reading an AoSHQ thread and asked her family, "What's a clit?" Her astute youngest granchild answered, "It's that gray thing between your ears." Grandma was itching for revenge ever since. Looks like she got it.

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 08, 2010 09:41 AM (QECjC)

"...members unwittingly accepted a bag containing a relative's brain and only became aware of it by the odor a day later."

When I place an order online, I expect it to be sent to the correct shipping address. I distinctly typed "the cornfield, next to the yellow brick road."

Bastards.

Posted by: The Scarecrow at January 08, 2010 09:44 AM (QKKT0)

62 Hey Laura, I think "sunken-eyed brainthralls" may be a keeper.

Posted by: A. Weasel at January 08, 2010 09:44 AM (9F3oz)

63 OK, you brain-less Morons, here's the scoop...

If you die in a locale that requires an autopsy, they remove your brain and internal organs for examination. After completion, the organs are replaced in the body cavity and it is sewn up. Your zombie take-out is stuffed back into your noggin and it is closed with either stitches or super glue and the incision is later covered with make-up during prep at the funeral home.

Many moons ago, I was an assistant at a funeral home in St. Louis.

You're welcome.

Posted by: FORGER - Racist Czar at January 08, 2010 09:45 AM (o4Xi+)

64 @63 Considering there is a quote from King about how the book aludes to "fundamentalist religiousness" of Bush/Cheney on wiki, I don't think you read too much into anything.

Posted by: Gaff at January 08, 2010 09:47 AM (CMpbs)

65 Posted by: FORGER - Racist Czar at January 08, 2010 01:45 PM (o4Xi+) I think it would be cool if they sewed in a zipper to hold the upper part of the skull in place. That way, at the wake, young kids could be amused by unzipping grandma's head and passing the brain around for jokes and giggles.

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 08, 2010 09:50 AM (QECjC)

Remember that crazy crematorium in Georgia where the guy was hiding corpses in the woods behind the crematorium and handing ashes from tree branches he'd burned instead? For a while it looked like me dad was one of them (thankfully he was NOT), but for the brief time I just kept thinking, "How am I going to tell Mom that Dad's laying around the woods?" before laughing hysterically. Unfortunately, I was at work at the time. Fortunately, I worked at a very cool company. . .

Brains in bag. Bad, but not as bad as Dads in the woods.

Posted by: Biblio at January 08, 2010 09:54 AM (y5VNb)

Did someone say they have a spare brain handy?

If so, I'll take it off your hands. I'll put it to good use proving that Lance Armstrong faked the Mars landing in 1967.

Posted by: Maxine Waters at January 08, 2010 10:21 AM (plsiE)

68 "Under the Dome" is a bit political, sure, but so was "Needful Things" by that standard. In fact, UtD is basically a replay of NT with the part of Max von Sydow's character replaced by ... a giant invisible dome.

Still, the politics are mostly outweighed by the sweet sweet King magic. Also although (spoiler alert, I guess?) there are villainous Republicans and Christians, there are also heroic R's and C's. It's a mixed bag. Don't let the politics prevent you from reading what's (IMO) his best long-form (and I do mean LONG-form - 1070 pages) work since NT, if not since It.

Posted by: Knemon at January 08, 2010 10:24 AM (QFQzA)

69 So that's where my brain went!!! Now if I could just find my balls....

Posted by: B-rock Obama at January 08, 2010 10:31 AM (0oZ9P)

70 After your break, flop your brain into your empty lunchbag, shove it under your desk, and enjoy the serenity of an empty skull and several hours of sweet, paid you-time.

Best way to vote Democrat.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at January 08, 2010 11:06 AM (PQY7w)

71 That's not funny.

Posted by: Zombie Ted Williams at January 08, 2010 01:51 PM (ErXCa)

Damnit, Ted, just chill, OK?

Posted by: Bill H at January 08, 2010 11:50 AM (q8CmE)

72 "Zombie Lunch-counter"

Posted by: mojo at January 08, 2010 12:16 PM (5MA1v)

73 "Brains, brains, brains, brains, ham on rye!..."

Posted by: mojo at January 08, 2010 12:19 PM (5MA1v)

Posted by: kansas at January 08, 2010 12:31 PM (mka2b)

75 Laura, I don't care if you do have a hump. I love ya anyway. You make me laugh. Happy Friday!