Ace of Spades HQ

March 08, 2010

Dan Rather: "Obama Couldn't Sell Watermelons"
— Gabriel Malor

Alright, I've found the video. This was on the Chris Matthews show.

Presumably, Rather was finishing "couldn't sell watermelons to save his life", but he was interrupted.

More to come...

More: Left Coast Rebel has the transcript:

"When you talk about a triumph though, part of the undertow in the coming election is going to be President Obama's leadership and the Republicans are making a case, a lot of independents will buy this argument, listen he just hasn't been...look at the health care bill, it was his number one priority, it took him forever to get it through and he had to compromise it to death and a version of ...listen, he's a nice person, he's very articulate, this was going to be used against him. But He couldn't sell watermelons if you gave him if you gave him a State Trooper to flag down traffic..."

Is that an expression? "Couldn't sell X if you gave him a state trooper to flag down traffic."?

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 10:20 AM | Comments (236)
Post contains 180 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Racist

Posted by: taylork at March 08, 2010 10:21 AM (0Hn5w)

2 I guess Dan wants his old gig back...

Posted by: CanaDave at March 08, 2010 10:21 AM (EEuJO)

3 Dan Rather is a raaaaciiissst............................

Posted by: Boots at March 08, 2010 10:21 AM (06JTY)

4 Takes one to know one.....

Posted by: always right at March 08, 2010 10:22 AM (0AClR)

5 Dan Rather is obviously a Teabagger.

Posted by: MostlyRight at March 08, 2010 10:23 AM (0aCXd)

6 How's that TANG memo coming along, Dan?

Posted by: always right at March 08, 2010 10:23 AM (0AClR)

Hahahahahaha, he gets better everyday.

What's the frequency Kenneth?

Posted by: Vic at March 08, 2010 10:23 AM (QrA9E)

8

Go here at 12:07 or thereabouts

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at March 08, 2010 10:23 AM (MFQJZ)

9 Somehow this is Bush's fault.

Posted by: mpfs at March 08, 2010 10:23 AM (iYbLN)

10 Rats starting to jump ship?

Posted by: wherestherum at March 08, 2010 10:23 AM (gofDd)

11 Dan Rather? Never heard of him.

Posted by: Obligatory Charlie Gibson "Never Heard Of" Comment at March 08, 2010 10:24 AM (iBzKc)

12 I think arugula would have been a better choice of words.

Posted by: Pat at March 08, 2010 10:24 AM (6L8wk)

13 He said it on Chris Matthews show

Posted by: conscious and telling liberals to fuck off at March 08, 2010 10:24 AM (Vu6sl)

14 He called teh Won articulate! He must be a racist!

Posted by: wherestherum at March 08, 2010 10:25 AM (gofDd)

15 "...he couldn't sell watermelons too - (interupted)..."
TO WHOM was Dan going to say who?

Posted by: MoJoTee at March 08, 2010 10:25 AM (mKpVf)

16 Rush said it happened on Chrissy's show. When, I don't know. He also said MSNBC has scrubbed it from their site.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:25 AM (UOM48)

17 CJ will get to the bottom of this .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at March 08, 2010 10:25 AM (a9UO0)

18 hee hee hee Up next for Dan Rather? KFC jokes.

Posted by: koopy at March 08, 2010 10:26 AM (ctR4U)

19 Moron.

Posted by: doug at March 08, 2010 10:26 AM (MQlzc)

20 Rush has played this clip over and over, it's apparently from the Chris Matthews show. So that's why no one watched it originally.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 08, 2010 10:27 AM (eNxMU)

21 Wow, I never figured Rather was a conservative Republican but this is proof he is.

Posted by: DrewM. at March 08, 2010 10:27 AM (9B5OK)

22 Is Michelle even growing watermelons?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 08, 2010 10:27 AM (muUqs)

23
He's a nice person, he's articulate.. but he couldn't see watermelons if you gave him a state trooper to flag down traffic for him...

Go here at 12:07 or thereabouts

Somebody get a screen/audio recorder and capture that shit..

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at March 08, 2010 10:27 AM (MFQJZ)

24 Chris Matthews show smack dab in the middle of Sunday morning on NBC. Also on was Katty Kaye and Andrea Mitchell. Chris cut him off after watermelon. It was stunning.

Posted by: ratskeller at March 08, 2010 10:27 AM (iFnIT)

25 @ 18 Rather will roll out some half-ass apology ("I made a very poor analogy, my choice of words were wrong, and I apologize for it") and the media will dutifully accept the apology and move on to more important stories.

That's the way I see it going down. This story will have no legs whatsoever -- forgotten within a week or so.

Posted by: Vile Roman at March 08, 2010 10:28 AM (iBzKc)

26 Watermelons? Never heard of 'em.

Posted by: Charles Gibson at March 08, 2010 10:28 AM (v0kvW)

27 But he does OK at selling ham hocks and collared greens. And his lug nuts are rusted on pretty tightly.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:29 AM (yfa38)

28 I really hate Joel Klein.

Posted by: taylork at March 08, 2010 10:29 AM (0Hn5w)

29 Is Michelle even growing watermelons? Not yet. Too cold. However, I'm sure when she does, they'll be just lovely. Maybe they'll let The Sheriff set up a little stand in front of the WH to sell them.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:30 AM (UOM48)

30 Can I get me a watermelon here?

Posted by: John Forbes Kerry at March 08, 2010 10:30 AM (4Kl5M)

31 Rush said it happened on Chrissy's show. When, I don't know. He also said MSNBC has scrubbed it from their site.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 02:25 PM (UOM4

I'm working as fast as I can!!!

Posted by: Winston Smith at March 08, 2010 10:30 AM (7BU4a)

32 What about Colt 45? Could he sell that?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at March 08, 2010 10:30 AM (pLTLS)

33 Maybe they'll let The Sheriff set up a little stand in front of the WH to sell them.

He's too busy eating 'nilla wafers.

Posted by: taylork at March 08, 2010 10:31 AM (0Hn5w)

34 Fucking racist.

Posted by: Empire of Howard Cosell at March 08, 2010 10:31 AM (RqDlS)

35 No one could have foreseen on that day that the President of the United States would be described by Dan Rather as "fake, but articulate".

Posted by: Memes-R-Us at March 08, 2010 10:31 AM (aGe8z)

36 But to the contrary, Dan, he sold America on his qualifications to be President.

Too bad for him, the BS is catching up with him.

Posted by: looking closely at March 08, 2010 10:31 AM (6Q9g2)

37 I'm real happy for you, Mr Present and I'm gonna let you finish, but my mom sold the best watermelons of all time!!!!

Posted by: Kanye West, farmer at March 08, 2010 10:32 AM (4Kl5M)

The reason Rather said Obama couldn't sell watermelons is because they are currently out of season. So he is factually correct in that statement. There is no hint or racism involved. Nothing to see here. Please move on.

Posted by: The Maimed Stream Media - getting better by the day at March 08, 2010 10:32 AM (Vu6sl)

39 It wasn't "couldn't sell watermelons to [save his life]."

I've heard the very racist phrase before. It has to be some variant of "couldn't sell watermelons to [n-words]."

A slightly kinder version is "couldn't sell watermelons/fried chicken in a ghetto."

Dan was going full on KKK and stopped himself, but not in time.

Posted by: grognard at March 08, 2010 10:32 AM (v0kvW)

40 An older expression is "couldn't sell pussy on a troop ship."

Posted by: Sloppy at March 08, 2010 10:32 AM (1kwr2)

41 Is Michelle growing collards? It is the season for them.

Next Iron Chef White House competition: Watermelon!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:32 AM (UOM48)

42 The phrase is "couldn't sell water" (to a thirsty man, to a guy in the desert)... but watermelon is what came out. Absolutely priceless. Maybe this wasn't the hour that the libs forgot what race Obama was.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 08, 2010 10:33 AM (5I0Yr)

43 Two observations:

1) drooling dull-normal Chris Matthews has two shows
2) everybody on that "panel" and the host believes in the exact same thing. what is the purpose of the panel?

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at March 08, 2010 10:33 AM (MFQJZ)

44
Up next, Dan Rather in blackface.

Posted by: Dang Straights at March 08, 2010 10:33 AM (fx8sm)

45 Rather, by the way, appears unable to formulate a straightforward sentence.

Is he demented or on mood-altering substances?

Posted by: looking closely at March 08, 2010 10:33 AM (6Q9g2)

46 I love watermelon! All summer long, every night at Katie's restaurant they have fried chicken and all the watermelon you can eat.

Posted by: Sheriff Joe at March 08, 2010 10:34 AM (4Kl5M)

47 Here's a question: Was Chrissy Matthews nodding when Rather said it? He's the one obsessed with the Present's skin color.

Posted by: grognard at March 08, 2010 10:34 AM (v0kvW)

48 Obama's orange soda stand was a big bust, too.

Posted by: FreakyBoy at March 08, 2010 10:34 AM (Q41Zh)

49 Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Watermelons!

Posted by: Homer Simpson at March 08, 2010 10:34 AM (6Q9g2)

50
Obama couldn't sell stupid to Nancy Pelosi.

Posted by: This is Wax Paper at March 08, 2010 10:35 AM (z37MR)

51 Up next, Dan Rather in blackface. Doo-da! Doo-da!

Posted by: Dan Rather in blackface at March 08, 2010 10:35 AM (4Kl5M)

52 Rather is, of course, right about Obama.

My God, did I say that?

Fascinating that MSNBC would be so utterly paranoid about the words Obama and watermelon being used in the same show...well, I guess it's now somewhere down Chrissy's pants leg being tingled on.

Posted by: mrkwong at March 08, 2010 10:35 AM (G8Eo0)

53 What Dan meant to say was, "Obama couldn't sell arugula to a retard."

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:35 AM (UOM48)

54 It's a trap!

Eyes on Obamacare! Rather is a washed up has-been. He's throwing himself under the bus!

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at March 08, 2010 10:36 AM (v0kvW)

55 Wax Paper - Obama doesn't have to sell stupid to Nancy, she's already got plenty.

Posted by: mrkwong at March 08, 2010 10:36 AM (G8Eo0)

56 Obama couldn't sell a booster seat to Amy Bishop.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 08, 2010 10:36 AM (5I0Yr)

57 ...listen, he's a nice person, he's very articulate, this was going to be used against him. But He couldn't sell watermelons if you gave him if you gave him a State Trooper to flag down traffic..."

File that under stuff only the clinically brain dead would say.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at March 08, 2010 10:36 AM (0q2P7)

58 The watermelon is a feature-rich fruit. People don't just walk up to a watermelon patch and pick one out. You've got to thump a few at each patch and haggle with the staff. Then the melon salesman will slide a piece of paper in front of you and say "If I can get you this watermelon for $2.99, can we get you off the lot with it?"

And you say, "I guess so."

And then he's like, "Sign this paper, and I'll take to to my manager and see if he can work it out."

Posted by: alppuccino at March 08, 2010 10:37 AM (5cCSd)

59 Arugula is nasty stuff, very bitter. Watermelon is good! Especially with salt.

Posted by: Boots at March 08, 2010 10:37 AM (06JTY)

He can't sell watermelons because he lacks the requisite Negro dialect.

Posted by: Harry Reid at March 08, 2010 10:37 AM (pLTLS)

61 I misspoke! What I meant to say was that he ate watermel... I mean, he governs like a monkey fucking a footba... Umm, BOOOOOOSSHHHH!!!!

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:37 AM (RqDlS)

62 Is that an expression? "Couldn't sell X if you gave him a state trooper to flag down traffic."?

Rather was going for one of his patented cornpone Texas witticisms, like, "He's hungrier than a grizzly on a football field," or some other semi-coherent, doddering analogy. But he ended up falling on his face in mid-cogitation.

Posted by: Vile Roman at March 08, 2010 10:37 AM (iBzKc)

63 Obama couldn't pass a health-care bill even with 60-votes in the Senate!

Wait...

Posted by: grognard at March 08, 2010 10:38 AM (v0kvW)

64 Obama couldn't sell stupid to Nancy Pelosi.

Full of win.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 08, 2010 10:38 AM (554T5)

You know, when I first heard that watermelon joke, No One Could Have Forseen on That Day That German Ally America Would Be Led By Man of African Descent!

Courage.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:38 AM (ERJIu)

66 Ol' Bush '41 is laughing his ass off right now.

Posted by: grognard at March 08, 2010 10:39 AM (v0kvW)

67 So, when's Al Sharpton going to show up and preen for the cameras denouncing Rather's racism?

Posted by: chemjeff at March 08, 2010 10:39 AM (JgygP)

68 I believe 52% of America would buy watermelons from Obama.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 08, 2010 10:39 AM (muUqs)

69 You teabaggers didn't listen. Dan Rather was just saying what Republicans would say about him.

Posted by: The MSM at March 08, 2010 10:40 AM (5I0Yr)

70 RACIST! WHERE'S KATHLEEN PARKER? I DISTINCTLY HEARD THE WORD "BOY" IN THERE!

Posted by: GarandFan at March 08, 2010 10:40 AM (6mwMs)

71 They still have that guy on TV, huh.

Posted by: Z Ryan at March 08, 2010 10:40 AM (cMo6P)

72 Any comments from Jesse and Al?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:40 AM (UOM48)

73 72 I believe 52% of America would buy watermelons from Obama.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 08, 2010 02:39 PM (muUqs)

Yup, and just like everything else from his garden, they'd be inedible and might even kill you.

Posted by: grognard at March 08, 2010 10:41 AM (v0kvW)

74 Sprite hired Dan Rather as their new spokesman today.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at March 08, 2010 10:41 AM (cpuvG)

75 What Dan should have said is, "Obama couldn't organize a Fuck Up in a whorehouse with a pocket full of Benjamins."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 08, 2010 10:41 AM (RqDlS)

Any comments from Jesse and Al?

We shall overcome?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at March 08, 2010 10:41 AM (pLTLS)

77 More importantly, how did Rather get off the reservation? Why was he saying Obama was a bad salesman? WTF

Posted by: dagny at March 08, 2010 10:42 AM (xTpw2)

78 it's a charmin' old texas saying, as in he couldn't sell tacos or he couldn't sell a teepee or she couldn't sell a puffin.

Posted by: gomm at March 08, 2010 10:42 AM (Ibk1S)

79 Mmm, mmm, mmm....

Posted by: Watermelon Pudding Futures at March 08, 2010 10:42 AM (5I0Yr)

80 "In Watermelon Sugar the Deeds were done and done again as my life is done in Watermelon Sugar."

Posted by: garrett resident of iDeath at March 08, 2010 10:42 AM (D332a)

81 If I recall correctly the Danster is always pulling these faux down-home truisms out of his ass, usually with the story that they say this and that in Texas. Although I was expecting something more, uh, colorful (which is to say, incomprehensible) like "Obama couldn't hump bullfrogs on Tuesday" or some such.

Posted by: joncelli at March 08, 2010 10:43 AM (RD7QR)

82 What Dan should have said was, Obama couldn't organize a game of Bingo at a VFW on a Saturday night with an open bar.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:43 AM (UOM48)

83 Obama's watermelon operation would be bankrupt within a week and therefore the recipient of a government bailout.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 08, 2010 10:44 AM (muUqs)

84 Obama should borrow my state troopers.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at March 08, 2010 10:44 AM (cpuvG)

85 Couldn't sell ice in the desert?
Couldn't sell parkas to Eskimos?
Couldn't sell financial product insurance to a sub-prime lender?
Couldn't sell nuclear weapons to the Iranians?
Couldn't sell AK47s to terrorists?
Couldn't sell bumper Coexist stickers to nutroots.
Couldn't sell gold to the Glenn Beck audience.
Couldn't sell guns at an NRA convention?

And you came up with?
"couldn't sell watermelons if you gave him if you gave him a State Trooper to flag down traffic"

Really? Dude: hire some writers!

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at March 08, 2010 10:44 AM (0q2P7)

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 08, 2010 10:45 AM (mR7mk)

87 Seriously, if Barrack, wants to make more money selling Watermelons...and I'm dead serious, here. We're going to need a bigger truck. True Story. Count on it.

Posted by: Joe Biden's Polish Alter Ego! at March 08, 2010 10:45 AM (D332a)

88 Hoo Boy. Rahm's gonna be madder than a midget with a yo-yo.

Posted by: Barry the Fable Guy at March 08, 2010 10:45 AM (aGe8z)

89 "Couldn't sell gold to the Glenn Beck audience." lmao, love it

Posted by: YRM at March 08, 2010 10:45 AM (rbtaB)

90 Don't get all excited. Roadside watermelon stands are commonplace where Dan Rather comes from.

Posted by: crosspatch at March 08, 2010 10:46 AM (ZbLJZ)

Awww, be nice now; everyone knows that poor Dan did not mean to say anything quite so racist as "watermelon"; he is a liberal and a Dem and they can never be racist, as we all should know by know if we listened to something other than Fox News.

He meant to say "Kools".

Posted by: unknown jane at March 08, 2010 10:47 AM (5/yRG)

92 76 Any comments from Jesse

Jesse is still looking for the nut cracker.
Al's hearing the SmashingWatermelons

I just waiting for the chickens to come home to roost so Mamabama can fry em up

Posted by: obamelon in manchells garden at March 08, 2010 10:47 AM (PI/0J)

93 Obama couldn't sell fried chicken to a stadium full of rap stars.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:47 AM (vSncj)

94 Matthews forgot Rather was racist for an hour...

Posted by: g at March 08, 2010 10:47 AM (ZaCAL)

95 Hold onto your garthers Gerty and call Mable in from the barn! Dan Rather used another one of his made-up "down-home" expressions and this one blows up in his face!

Posted by: COURAGE at March 08, 2010 10:47 AM (fGMGp)

96 I would like to apologize to all the African-Americans, including our exhaulted President, Barack Hussain Obaman, PBUH, for my unfortunate remarks on Chris Mathews show the other day regarding watermelon. I was simply repeating something that I heard in the Congressional shower the other day. I don't know if Rahm said it to Massa or it was something that Barney Frank said while he was throwing all those bars of soap around. I guess that I'll just have to go back there and do some more investigating.

Posted by: President-in-exile Sarah Palin at March 08, 2010 10:47 AM (SgGTT)

97 Obama couldn't sell a case of Colt 45 to Huggy Bear and his stable of ho's.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:48 AM (vSncj)

98 He meant to say "Kools".

*rofl* Yeah, hard to sell what you've already smoked up.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 08, 2010 10:48 AM (mR7mk)

99 Couldn't sell crack to whores Couldn't sell water to UK hospital patients Couldn't sell after-market auto parts to rednecks

Posted by: joncelli at March 08, 2010 10:48 AM (RD7QR)

100 Obama couldn't sell butt-plugs in The Castro.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 08, 2010 10:48 AM (muUqs)

101 Will Keefums name Dan as Worst Person in the World tonight? No??

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:49 AM (UOM48)

102

Lucky for Rather that he said it on Chris Mathews' show where no one will ever see it.

Posted by: Cicero at March 08, 2010 10:49 AM (QKKT0)

103 Geez, you'd think you'd give a hat tip to iOwnTheWorld.com for getting the clip on youtube.

Posted by: BigFurHat at March 08, 2010 10:49 AM (ZN4rj)

104 Whah is dah Bloo Birhd!?

Posted by: Uncle Remus at March 08, 2010 10:49 AM (D332a)

105 Who needs an aphorism? Obama can't sell HEALTH CARE...to Democrats!

Posted by: Capt. Obvious at March 08, 2010 10:50 AM (aGe8z)

106 Obama couldn't sell goats in Afghanistan.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 10:50 AM (UOM48)

107
I like the cut of Rather's jib, his views intrigue me and I request a grand kleagle size subscription to his newsletter.

Posted by: Robert Byrd at March 08, 2010 10:51 AM (Oxen1)

108 Holy shit, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. God Bless you Morons, every one!

Posted by: ddiddly at March 08, 2010 10:51 AM (FONPW)

109 In a way he's right, I imagine an Obama watermelon would probably run about six hundred billion a pound

Posted by: bulwark at March 08, 2010 10:52 AM (PO/9k)

110

After all these years, I am still quite certain of the following:

Roger Mudd would not have been such a horse's ass.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 08, 2010 10:53 AM (B+qrE)

111 Jeebus, Dan, don't give The One any ideas.

Posted by: State Trooper at March 08, 2010 10:53 AM (UOM48)

112 Obama couldn't sell a Commemorative, Limited Edition plate to the customers at Big Lots!

Posted by: garrett at March 08, 2010 10:53 AM (D332a)

113 I'll give his performance a solid B+

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 08, 2010 10:54 AM (R2fpr)

114 Obama couldn't sell sex out of his basement to Barny Frank.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:54 AM (vBieH)

115 32 Is Michelle even growing watermelons? Not yet. Too cold. However, I'm sure when she does, they'll be just lovely. Maybe they'll let The Sheriff set up a little stand in front of the WH to sell them. I wonder how much actual work Michelle has put in on her garden. Haven't seen any pictures since the first one in which she wore a laughably impractical outfit. A black pleather catsuit, if I remember correctly.

Posted by: Beppo at March 08, 2010 10:54 AM (Iixgl)

116

95 Really? They have melon stands in Manhattan? Or does Dan hail from a more nuanced and sophisticate locale?

Yeah, yeah -- he was a kid in TX...but I don't think Dan and his fellow travelers realize that doesn't mean what they think it means to other Texans at least (I know that, and I'm from Illinois...it's probably because I watch Fox News).

Posted by: unknown jane at March 08, 2010 10:54 AM (5/yRG)

117 And an A for effort

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at March 08, 2010 10:54 AM (R2fpr)

118 but a 2.3 for artistic expression

Posted by: French skating judge at March 08, 2010 10:55 AM (R2fpr)

119

112
I like the cut of Rather's jib, his views intrigue me and I request a grand kleagle size subscription to his newsletter.

Posted by: Robert Byrd at March 08, 2010 02:51 PM (Oxen1)

Dar He Be!

Posted by: Uncle Remus at March 08, 2010 10:55 AM (D332a)

120 Obama couldn't sell shampoo to nappy headed ho'es.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 10:56 AM (cpuvG)

121 Did Chris Matthews shriek "racist" at Rather for saying this?

Posted by: Y-not at March 08, 2010 10:56 AM (Kn9r7)

122 Barry couldn't sell a hot fudge sundae with extra whipped cream and a cherry on top to Oprah.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 11:00 AM (UOM48)

123 Obama couldn't sell Fish Tacos at a Lilith Fair Show.

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:00 AM (D332a)

124 Look it's part of my contract: "Will work for sweet potato pie." Right there.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:01 AM (9KbAf)

125 Since when is Dan Rather a Tea Partier?

Posted by: Unclefacts, Purveyor of Fine Meteors at March 08, 2010 11:01 AM (erIg9)

126 Obama couldn't sell a teleprompter to himself.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 08, 2010 11:01 AM (1Jaio)

127 Obama couldn't sell matzo in Hymietown.

Posted by: Jesse Jackson at March 08, 2010 11:01 AM (vBieH)

128

Obama couldn't sell a male staffer's ablibi to Rep Massa.

Posted by: EC at March 08, 2010 11:02 AM (mAhn3)

129 Obama couldn't sell vodka and porn to Ace.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 08, 2010 11:02 AM (vBieH)

130 I'm just glad there's someone else who's being unjustly vilified.

Posted by: Harry Reid at March 08, 2010 11:04 AM (ucq49)

131
Obama couldn't sell fake tits at the Playboy mansion.

Posted by: Bill Maher at March 08, 2010 11:04 AM (Oxen1)

132 Obama couldn't sell a Hymen to the Father of a defiled Saudi Princess.

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:04 AM (D332a)

133 Obama couldn't sell cocaine at an Oscar's after party.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 11:04 AM (UOM48)

134

Obama couldn't sell TUMSÂ® to lacey after reading the fish taco/lillith fair comment.

/fish for lunch

//fucker

Posted by: laceyunderalls at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (pLTLS)

135 I have been sitting here for over a year now waiting for my Unicorn and I all got was this watermelon!

Posted by: Maureen Dowd resident nyt spinster at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (fwSHf)

136 Dan Rather, the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted by: rawmuse at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (NeoZ2)

137 Obama couldn't sell a Noose and a Bottle of Jergens to David carradine.

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (D332a)

138 Obama couldn't sell sequins to the men's figure skating team.

Obama couldn't sell greivance pills to ACORN.

Obama couldn't sell Fried Chicken in the NBC commissary.

Posted by: Out of Steam at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (aGe8z)

139 Obama couldn't sell chopsticks to a china-man.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (cpuvG)

140 Obama should borrow my state troopers.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at March 08, 2010 02:44 PM (cpuvG)

They always find me chicks with BIG watermelons.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (xxgag)

141

he couldn't sell a sheet to Robert Byrd.

Although in fairness, success here would be unprecedented.

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 08, 2010 11:05 AM (R2fpr)

142 He couldn't sell Red Sox tickets to Marcia Coakley

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 08, 2010 11:07 AM (R2fpr)

143 I was lost after "nice person".

Posted by: MIKE191 at March 08, 2010 11:07 AM (I8zxS)

144 I've heard the expression before, in the South: "He couldn't sell _______ on a roadside stand if the state troopers were stopping traffic for him"

It's a way of saying someone is hopelessly incompetent

Dan is a Texas boy and is just trying to get back to his roots ( pronounced 'ruts' )

Posted by: SantaRosaStan at March 08, 2010 11:07 AM (JrRME)

145 Obama couldn't sell a 12 Ga. and some Bird Shot to Kurt Cobain.

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:07 AM (D332a)

146 Barry couldn't sell peanut butter to Toby the beagle's owner.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 11:08 AM (UOM48)

147 Obama couldn't sell political advancement and social rank to a light-skinned negro with no ghetto accent.

Posted by: Harry Reid at March 08, 2010 11:08 AM (vBieH)

148 Obama couldn't sell Brownies laced with 'Plan-B' Pills to John Edwards during a Presidential Campaign.

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:08 AM (D332a)

149 hey, let's be fair to dan, he did say obama was articulate...for a black man.

Posted by: gomm at March 08, 2010 11:09 AM (Ibk1S)

150 He couldn't sell rolls of dead voters to the Cook County Democrat party

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 08, 2010 11:09 AM (R2fpr)

151 Obama couldn't sell a towel in the congressional shower.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:09 AM (cpuvG)

152 I meant "couldn't sell encyclopedias." Yeah, that's the ticket.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:10 AM (xxgag)

153 He couldn't sell Honduras out to the Chavistas. Oh, wait...

Posted by: whatever at March 08, 2010 11:11 AM (XIXhw)

154 Couldn't sell pussy to Eliot Spitzer?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 08, 2010 11:12 AM (mR7mk)

155 Obama couldn't sell immunity to OBL

Posted by: DOJ at March 08, 2010 11:12 AM (ucq49)

156

/fish for lunch

//fucker

You love it!

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:12 AM (D332a)

157 Dan Rather making a watermelon simile about Obama and Massa going on Beck's show in the same day. This could be the happiest day of my life ! SEND MOAR PUDDYNG PLEEZE !

Posted by: societyis2blame at March 08, 2010 11:13 AM (rPDD/)

158 Did anyone else read Bob Tyrell's book The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton? It was actually fiction; came out right before the whole Monica story broke. Anyway, there was a running gag about Rather: Any time he was conducting an interview, he'd employ some folksy, down-home saying that left the interviewee (of either party) completely confused.

Rather: "Well, Senator, you can run butter through a pipeline, but that don't make it oil."

Senator: "I'm sorry, Dan, but I don't understand what you're saying."

Great book. Rep. Sonny Bono was the comic relief on one of the House impeachment committees. Too bad he was dead before the real impeachment got started.

Posted by: tsj017 at March 08, 2010 11:13 AM (4YUWF)

159 Obama couldn't sell a pantsuit to Hillary. Or botox to Nancy.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 11:14 AM (UOM48)

160 Courage Dan. Courage.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at March 08, 2010 11:14 AM (EDERD)

161 Let's see Dan Rather driving around in a pick-up trucks full of guns and watermelons waving a Confederate flag. That's obviously what he meant.

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at March 08, 2010 11:15 AM (mHQ7T)

162 Couldn't sell dead, roasting Ted an air conditioner

Posted by: Murtha saw it at March 08, 2010 11:15 AM (ucq49)

163 The first true thing this guy has said in years.

Posted by: TexasJew at March 08, 2010 11:16 AM (1f6J+)

164 Obama couldn't sell cheeseburgers to Michael Moore.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:16 AM (ERJIu)

165

Yeah...... that Obama.........he's bright and articulate.......but he couldn't sell food stamps for 20 cents on the dollar at a Paki liquor store in Compton.

Posted by: David2.0 at March 08, 2010 11:17 AM (Wjv9m)

166 I suppose 'couldn't sell ice cubes to Eskimoes' would bring up the hated Sarah Palin, causing Dan and Chrissie to each melt down into their trademark bile and/or tears of impotent frustration.....

Posted by: the Butcher at March 08, 2010 11:18 AM (8g9qq)

167 Obama couldn't sell an extra airplane seat to Kevin Smith.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:18 AM (ERJIu)

168 Funniest reality show EVAH would be Dan and Joe in a house together and their daily goings on. Hell, I'd watch. Popcorn futures would go through the roof.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 08, 2010 11:18 AM (UOM48)

169 WHAT'S THE CHANNEL KEN!!!!!?????

Posted by: Some Crazy Guy Punching Dan In The Face at March 08, 2010 11:19 AM (QfVNC)

170
Obama couldn't sell Che shirts on Telegraph Ave.

Posted by: Jerry Brown at March 08, 2010 11:19 AM (Oxen1)

171

Oh shit - here comes another 5000-comment diatribe from Ace.

Remember when he went on about watermelon jokes? Well, Ace was just behind the curve on that one...

Posted by: TexasJew at March 08, 2010 11:19 AM (1f6J+)

172 Obama couldn't sell Olde English 800 in Detroit.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:21 AM (ERJIu)

173 Obama couldn't sell cocaine, even if he had the self-control to resist snorting it.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:21 AM (TpXEI)

174

Its not that Obama couldn't sell watermelons, its that he can't sell his healthcare reform. He can't sell that because people do not perceive any advantage or benefit to buying this reform over what they already have.

Also watermelons are generally desirable things, food that people enjoy eating. Rather should have used beets instead, because few people like beets. Or sh*t sandwich, hardly anyone like that, but maybe a little more than beets.

Posted by: Ken at March 08, 2010 11:21 AM (Bs34i)

175 Obama couldn't sell a Pre-release copy of 'God of War 3' to Kratos for a Crusty Gym Sock and a Cheesey Tag Line about impending chaos.

Posted by: dan rather at March 08, 2010 11:23 AM (D332a)

176

Was there some cartoon about watermelons on the White House lawn in lieu of an Easter Egg roll?

Wasn't there?

Posted by: torabora at March 08, 2010 11:24 AM (QfVNC)

177 The funny, but even more scary.

Posted by: sTevo at March 08, 2010 11:24 AM (XkFQG)

178 Obama couldn't sell a Toyota to a suicidal adrenalin junkie.

Posted by: David2.0 at March 08, 2010 11:25 AM (Wjv9m)

179 Maybe I can sneak away now that they're fucking the watermelon.

Posted by: The Chicken at March 08, 2010 11:27 AM (QfVNC)

180 Couldn't sell shark repellent to the crew of the USS Indianapolis

Posted by: Gunga dim at March 08, 2010 11:28 AM (ucq49)

181

Obama couldn't sell watermelons to Van Jones.

oh, wait...

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 08, 2010 11:28 AM (Sn1SJ)

182 He couldn't sell a missile defense system to the Czechs......Oh wait.. that's wouldn't

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 08, 2010 11:29 AM (R2fpr)

183 Did you see how fast Tingles spoke to get on to another topic?

Posted by: Ohio Dan at March 08, 2010 11:30 AM (rurh0)

184 Oh yeah, Hahahahahaha! Sweet.

Posted by: Ohio Dan at March 08, 2010 11:30 AM (rurh0)

185 Obama couldn't sell Twinkies to Meghan McCain.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:34 AM (ERJIu)

186 Couldn't sell life insurance policies at the Alamo

Posted by: Col Travis at March 08, 2010 11:35 AM (ucq49)

187 All this time I thought it was called jungle ham.Is that Racist?

Posted by: ziptie at March 08, 2010 11:35 AM (UdYT0)

188 It was a reference to the classic Charles Bronson movie "Mr. Majestyk" with Obama as the beleaguered melon farmer who just wants to get his watermelons (or, in this case, health care reform) to market passed into law) and has to fight against local hillbillies (Glenn Beck and the Tea Partiers) and big city mobsters (insurance companies).

Posted by: Beppo at March 08, 2010 11:36 AM (Iixgl)

189

Wow.. almost makes one regret making up bogus stories to attack the former president doesn't it Danny-Boy? Of course I guess on the upside you being a card carrying liberal your not likely to get lambasted for mentioning "water melon selling" as a skill set our first Black president apparently is supposed to have.

If a conservative had said it he'd have been tarred and feathered for a racist reference like that. Isn't it nice that only conservatives can be racists?

Posted by: Redneck_Klingon at March 08, 2010 11:38 AM (e8T35)

190 Obama couldn't sell an incoherent rambling opinion to Dan Rather

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 08, 2010 11:40 AM (1Jaio)

191 Courage. Steady. Fried Chicken. Where are my pants?

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 11:40 AM (6L8wk)

192 Cpuldn't sell life boats to a hulled and sinking Titantic.

Posted by: Capt Smith at March 08, 2010 11:43 AM (ucq49)

193 As little as I respect Dan Rather I have to give him a pass on the racism angle. He's famous for making up this kind of shit on the fly. And is it really racist to mention a black person and the word "watermellon" in the same sentence?

Posted by: Ace's liver at March 08, 2010 11:44 AM (XIXhw)

194 We shall undercome.

Posted by: Wm T Sherman at March 08, 2010 11:44 AM (w41GQ)

195 What is the frequency, Kenneth?

Posted by: RM at March 08, 2010 11:53 AM (GkYyh)

196 Obama couldn't sell yiff to a furry.

Posted by: Ran Dather at March 08, 2010 11:55 AM (4z23c)

197 Arise my brothers, arise! It's time for the Million Melon March on Washington!

Posted by: Louis Farrakhan at March 08, 2010 11:57 AM (CfmlF)

198 Sweet Jeebus, just keep The Chicken away from me.

Posted by: The Watermelon at March 08, 2010 11:58 AM (UOM48)

199 Yeesh, just be glad you aren't Chris Matthews's tighty whiteys at that moment. Rather didn't just leave a skid, he left a full pantload. I pity Mrs. Matthews when she does the laundry tomorrow.

Posted by: runningrn at March 08, 2010 12:00 PM (CfmlF)

200

Bill O`Reilly goes for dinner at a Harlem eatery with Sharpton, comments on how lovely the place, the food and the people were and gets hammered by the left and MSM for racism.

http://tinyurl.com/ybz78ac

O`Reilly was busting down the racist stereotype that had been built around Harlem and the 'black community' for decades.

But THIS Dan Rather POS is buried? I'm so damn sick of this double standard bullshit.

Posted by: Drillanwr at March 08, 2010 12:00 PM (1kwr2)

201 Obama couldn't sell free gold to Teh Joooooooos. Obama couldn't sell a rainbow-colored dildo to Richard Simmons.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 08, 2010 12:04 PM (ibU67)

202

Obama couldn't sell Fried Chicken in the NBC commissary.

Have you seen their line-up? I doubt anyone could.

Posted by: wiserbud at March 08, 2010 12:08 PM (IHbof)

203

I had a nightmare where I was pulled over by a State Trooper; then the President ran over and began thrusting watermelons towards my window. "Make no mistake" he urged, "these are excellent watermelons!"

Dan Rather was there.

Posted by: SDA Spy at March 08, 2010 12:12 PM (tSxym)

204

Wow.. almost makes one regret making up bogus stories to attack the former president doesn't it Danny-Boy?

I distinctly heard 'boy' in there. Can an Ace polemic be far behind?

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 08, 2010 12:21 PM (R2fpr)

205

I hear Dan Rather has PAPERS that prove Opie tried to sell Watermelons.

Posted by: gus at March 08, 2010 12:25 PM (Vqruj)

206 Couldn't sell antibiotics to Europeans during the Middle Ages

Posted by: The Black Death at March 08, 2010 12:28 PM (ucq49)

207 Obama couldn't sell faked Bush draft-evasion evidence to CBS News.

Posted by: mrkwong at March 08, 2010 12:38 PM (G8Eo0)

208 @213 CJ wouldn't help get the font thingie right on this one, but I got someone else to help. This should redeem me.

Posted by: Mary Mapes at March 08, 2010 12:43 PM (ucq49)

209 AH, HAHAHAHAHA! Man , I miss big dumb Dan!

Posted by: Louis Tully at March 08, 2010 12:46 PM (jat5l)

210

Rather meant to say "He couldn't sell watermelons at a summer picnic for the African Methodist Episcopalian church in Wetumka Alabama".

And Rather for once, was right. A salesman Obama ain't. I'm not buyin' whatever shit Obama's selling.

Posted by: Watermelon Eater at March 08, 2010 12:50 PM (ktYjH)

211 Dan Rathe^racist

Posted by: TennDon at March 08, 2010 01:02 PM (o6Yv2)

212 Was I talking to you, sugar tits?!

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 01:15 PM (snlsw)

213 Obama couldn't sell pudding to morons.

Posted by: davidt at March 08, 2010 01:23 PM (vOXoE)

214

Obama couldn't sell cleaners and wipes to a federally funded diarrhea ward.

Posted by: Regina Benjamin at March 08, 2010 01:32 PM (ucq49)

215

As little as I respect Dan Rather I have to give him a pass on the racism angle. He's famous for making up this kind of shit on the fly. And is it really racist to mention a black person and the word "watermellon" in the same sentence?

Yeah. I get what you're saying and I agree.

It's kinda fun to shove it back up the ass of the left, though. You remember that cartoon after that chimp ate that woman's face that caused such a kerfuffle?

Same shit.

Posted by: The Outlaw in the Heavenly Hall at March 08, 2010 01:36 PM (JlrhB)

216 Obama couldn't sell burning crosses in Pulaski, Tennessee.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 01:38 PM (QxGmu)

217 #201

And is it really racist to mention a black person and the word "watermellon" in the same sentence?

Well, if it's racist to eat a banana in front of a black person, then it's certainly racist to mention watermelons.

Posted by: Dan Rather at March 08, 2010 01:46 PM (QxGmu)

218 AMOS: Who dat Man sayin' Obama couldn't sell no watermelons? ANDY: Dat Dan Rather...most respected name in news. AMOS: Who say? ANDY: Him say! AMOS: I bet he not be in no news no mo'!

Posted by: Amos 'n' Andy at March 08, 2010 02:03 PM (5qJM5)

219 "I wish I had a watermelon. I wish I had a watermelon." "Come on, Stymie. Wish for something big!" "I wish I had a BIG watermelon. I wish I had a BIG watermelon."

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 08, 2010 04:51 PM (S1Ttj)

220 The phrase is from Jim Hightower. I just added it to my website. Please make a note of the phrase's source.

Posted by: Barry Popik at March 08, 2010 04:53 PM (fUxA9)

221 Obama couldn't sell Botox to Pelosi. (Pleeeeze tell me someone hasn't used it yet.)

Posted by: Bitsko at March 08, 2010 04:58 PM (8/KZN)

222

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223

Here's a few of the Dan Rather "Obama couldn't sell ......." that I liked:

"couldn't sell pussy on a troop ship."
Couldn't sell nuclear weapons to the Iranians?
Couldn't sell AK47s to terrorists?
Couldn't sell bumper Coexist stickers to nutroots.
Couldn't sell crack to whores
Obama couldn't sell goats in Afghanistan.
Obama couldn't sell a male staffer's ablibi to Rep Massa.
Obama couldn't sell vodka and porn to Ace.
Obama couldn't sell cocaine at an Oscar's after party.
Obama couldn't sell sequins to the men's figure skating team.
Obama couldn't sell greivance pills to ACORN.
Obama couldn't sell a Noose and a Bottle of Jergens to David carradine.
Obama couldn't sell bomb making equipment to Bill Ayers

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 08, 2010 07:56 PM (ucq49)

224

And a few more:

He couldn't sell rolls of dead voters to the Cook County Democrat party
Obama couldn't sell a towel in the congressional shower.
Couldn't sell pussy to Eliot Spitzer?
he couldn't sell a sheet to Robert Byrd.
Obama couldn't sell a pantsuit to Hillary. Or botox to Nancy.
Obama couldn't sell cheeseburgers to Michael Moore.
Obama couldn't sell an extra airplane seat to Kevin Smith.
Obama couldn't sell Twinkies to Meghan McCain.
What Dan should have said is, "Obama couldn't organize a Fuck Up in a whorehouse with a pocket full of Benjamins."

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 08, 2010 08:01 PM (ucq49)

225

A few observations by others:

Obama couldn't sell fake tits at the Playboy mansion - Bill Maher
Obama couldn't sell immunity to OBL - DOJ
Obama couldn't sell Che shirts on Telegraph Ave Â– Jerry Brown
Couldn't sell shark repellent to the crew of the USS Indianapolis Â– Gunga Dim
Couldn't sell life boats to a hulled and sinking Titantic Â– Capt Smith
Obama couldn't sell faked Bush draft-evasion evidence to CBS News.
Couldn't sell antibiotics to Europeans during the Middle Ages Â– The Black Death
Obama couldn't sell a Pre-release copy of 'God of War 3' to Kratos for a Crusty Gym Sock and a Cheesey Tag Line about impending chaos.

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 08, 2010 08:10 PM (ucq49)

226

Couldn't Sell

Could only $ell out....

Posted by: KZnextzone at March 08, 2010 08:14 PM (dhlSs)

227

Ripped from IOTW:

Obama coudnÂ’t sell a boob belt to Meshelle.
Obama couldnÂ’t sell U.S. military secrets to The New York Times
Obama couldnÂ’t sell a hot liberal woman to Grayscape
Obama couldnÂ’t sell an interest free Countrywide mortgage to Chris Dodd
Obama couldnÂ’t sell a crap sandwich to a dung beetle.
A-1 Steak Sauce to the Donner Party
an asbestos suit to Ted Kennedy

On the positive side, Obama is selling the hell out of guns, ammunition, and Fords.

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 08, 2010 08:22 PM (ucq49)

228

I hate to say it, but I think commenter #73 was right.

"Dan Rather was just saying what _Republicans_ would say about him."

I skipped his obnoxious first sentence.

Posted by: Phil at March 09, 2010 04:01 AM (cBaCB)

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Posted by: BuddyPC at March 10, 2010 06:08 AM (nSkOL)

230
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