Ace of Spades HQ

September 20, 2010

DARPA: We Want a Flying Humvee
— Ace

Posted by: Ace at 03:05 PM | Comments (95)
Post contains 16 words, total size 1 kb.

1 So what do you do with the giant rotors out the top when you aren't flying? Don't they make it kind of visible.

And just in case the bad guys missed spotting you, you can pop up into the air for them to get a clear shot at you.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:09 PM (z1N6a)

2 Sorry OD

fap fap fap

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at September 20, 2010 03:09 PM (0q2P7)

3 #2 And just in case the bad guys missed spotting you, you can pop up into the air for them to get a clear shot at you.

The underside of this flying humvee would be a magnet for RPGs once they got airborne.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 20, 2010 03:10 PM (9hSKh)

4 Let me know how the whole fuel to weight ratio thingy works out on a heavily armored Hummer. If I had to guess (and I do) the only way a Hummer will fly is to do the Thelma and Louise routine.

Posted by: Conservative Phantom at September 20, 2010 03:11 PM (rPEr/)

5 It's called Transformer. Hmmm, let me guess, the CPU to run this killing machine is being supplied by Cyberdyne Systems.

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 20, 2010 03:11 PM (xtAfO)

6 Thanks for the link Ace

Posted by: William Amos at September 20, 2010 03:11 PM (QINdJ)

7 #4 Wouldn't matter to most of the troops, as they have fallen out the doorless entryway. Nice idea, that.

Bulletproofing is for chickenshits.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:12 PM (z1N6a)

8 Admittedly, I like the idea of a flying humvee being able to belt out death from above, but this design seems like it's more of a risk for the people inside than a benefit.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 20, 2010 03:12 PM (9hSKh)

9 It's hard to make an IED hover 50 feet up.

Posted by: Cicero at September 20, 2010 03:13 PM (QKKT0)

10 what about... a flying humvee that is powered by cleavage?

Posted by: CAC at September 20, 2010 03:13 PM (Gr1V1)

11 CHARLIE DON'T GLIDE!

Posted by: Dave in Texas at September 20, 2010 03:13 PM (Wh0W+)

12
Remember the JAMES BOND movie with TATTOO and the FLYING CAR but the Flying Car was really just a shitty AMC PACER?

Posted by: comicwing plover at September 20, 2010 03:13 PM (Wzli+)

13 Hope your platoon doesn't have any tall guys. That rotor will lop their heads clean off.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:14 PM (z1N6a)

14 This is NOT fair. I got pulled away for a meeting only to miss the sex with garbage thread.

I hate you.

Posted by: Editor at September 20, 2010 03:14 PM (pUfK9)

15 #14 Sorry, thats a fixed wing. It will just knock them silly on the way in.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:14 PM (z1N6a)

16 I can't believe commenters at this site are dissing a flying killing machine that you can drive to the store for smokes. I'm losing faith in humanity.

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 20, 2010 03:15 PM (xtAfO)

17
And remember at the end when BOND was boning the CHICK in the big sailboat and tied up TATTOO up in the MAST?

Posted by: comicwing plover at September 20, 2010 03:15 PM (gt3o0)

18 Speaking of DARPA, here's an entertaining book about 'em: http://tinyurl.com/26k4vbk

Posted by: ECM at September 20, 2010 03:15 PM (nYKDd)

19 Those DARPA weenies better lay off the video games and Japanese sci-fi manga and get real.

This may be one of the dumbest ideas since, well, ever....

You can't stop war by shutting off your PS3, dudes. That's real shit out there, and real soldiers depend on you to come up things that do a better job of killing the enemy, not painting bigger targets on our own people.

Posted by: MrScribbler at September 20, 2010 03:15 PM (Ulu3i)

20 "Thank god he said Humvee..."

Posted by: BILL CLINTON"S CIGAR at September 20, 2010 03:15 PM (eHP4n)

21 I'd settle for a few hundred of these maybe with .30 or .50 cal machine gun turrets mounted on top. They'd make great little Taliban hunters.

Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 03:16 PM (4Zvmf)

22 Great Googly Moogly. We're on our way to flying go-karts.

Posted by: Mojo Nixon at September 20, 2010 03:17 PM (+L32i)

23 I want a flying sub.

No, the sammich.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at September 20, 2010 03:17 PM (rNJC9)

24 I could see using this thing to GET OVER some really impassable terrain, but trying to fly away from an intense firefight doesn't seem like a long term plan.

Posted by: 141Driver at September 20, 2010 03:17 PM (LEynS)

25 US Marines "Hey Jihadi heads bring your fn Flying Carpets we got Flying Hummers"

Posted by: William Amos at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (QINdJ)

26 An autogyro?

Posted by: Skookumchuk at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (btzPD)

27
Blue Thunder vs Airwolf vs Firefox, who'd win?

Posted by: comicwing plover at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (Wzli+)

28 This will be a great idea when they get anti-grav. But a road based helo??? Dumber than shit.

Posted by: Vic at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (/jbAw)

29 Flying Car was really just a shitty AMC ~~PACER~~ Matador?

Posted by: fluffy is THAT guy at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (SwkdU)

30 14 Hope your platoon doesn't have any tall guys. That rotor will lop their heads clean off.
16 #14 Sorry, thats a fixed wing. It will just knock them silly on the way in.

Actually it's both.

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (xtAfO)

31 #25 The helicopter works a lot better for that. And it has a real pilot.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:18 PM (z1N6a)

32 They'd make great little Taliban hunters.

Unless the Taliban have Stingers or SAM-18s. Then, not so much.

Posted by: Cicero at September 20, 2010 03:20 PM (QKKT0)

" Will the flying Humvee be as fast as Hillary's broom?"

Posted by: BILL CLINTON at September 20, 2010 03:21 PM (eHP4n)

34 #31 Yes, but both times I was talking about the lower thing in the middle. It looks like the upper rotor clears a normal sized guy, if that thing is Humv sized.

That big fan in the back looks kind of dangerous to stuff in the area too. Plus it makes a blind spot for the guys inside to the back. Good thing the enemy never goes at you from behind.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:21 PM (z1N6a)

35 I think that's fine, but personally I'd rather have the F-22 line back up a running and a new generation of Boomers

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 20, 2010 03:22 PM (0GFWk)

36 >>That big fan in the back looks kind of dangerous to stuff in the area too.

I think that's a paper shredder.

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 20, 2010 03:23 PM (xtAfO)

37 Good for keeping the troops cool. If they are picnicing, or something.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:24 PM (z1N6a)

38 PROGRAM CUT And you thought us defense appropriations bills were just for backdoor amnesty programs!

Posted by: Defense Appropriations Bill Amendment Hastily Written in Crayon at September 20, 2010 03:24 PM (lXf8m)

39 PPP preview of West Virgina Senate race sounds competitive...

Posted by: CAC at September 20, 2010 03:24 PM (Gr1V1)

40 33 They'd make great little Taliban hunters. Unless the Taliban have Stingers or SAM-18s. Then, not so much. Posted by: Cicero at September 20, 2010 07:20 PM (QKKT0) I don't think you clicked the linky.

Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 03:25 PM (4Zvmf)

41 Please the fan is a glitter applicator for when DADT is repealed.

Posted by: BILL CLINTON at September 20, 2010 03:25 PM (eHP4n)

42 27 An autogyro? Sure looks like it. And autogyro's are a lot easier to teach people to fly than a helicopter.

Posted by: XBradTC at September 20, 2010 03:27 PM (X0Ona)

43 #43 Autogyros can't hover. This means they need an airstrip to take off and land. Not the best thing for an urban flyer.

Of course that rotor means it can't go on any road with light poles or buildings next to it.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:29 PM (z1N6a)

44 Yea, it's not going to happen. Helicopters already fit the bill, as #32 wrote.

Why not a new heavy lift chopper that could 'lock in' a humvee underneath? Use that new Sikorsky X2 dual rotor configuration, and you might actually have something worthwhile.

Posted by: Garbonzo the Garrulous at September 20, 2010 03:29 PM (23kaI)

45 Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 07:25 PM

Imagine some poor PFC having to repair that thing in the field.

Posted by: MrScribbler at September 20, 2010 03:29 PM (Ulu3i)

46
Flying monkeys are cheaper.

Posted by: Wicked Witch Industries at September 20, 2010 03:30 PM (rMMMP)

47 DARPA, we want to tap into Gods powers to suppress our enemies.

Posted by: George W Bush at September 20, 2010 03:31 PM (PDcrx)

48 Flying monkeys are cheaper. Posted by: Wicked Witch Industries at September 20, 2010 07:30 PM (rMMMP) Democrats can fly?

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 20, 2010 03:32 PM (0GFWk)

49 Â“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your sideÂ”

Posted by: HAN SOLO at September 20, 2010 03:32 PM (eHP4n)

50 Autogyros can't hover. This means they need an airstrip to take off and land. Not the best thing for an urban flyer.

Takeoff yes.

Land....not so much, they can land, typically in about a 10th of their takeoff distance.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at September 20, 2010 03:33 PM (0q2P7)

51 46 Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 07:25 PM Imagine some poor PFC having to repair that thing in the field. Posted by: MrScribbler at September 20, 2010 07:29 PM (Ulu3i) They undoubtedly have some work to do in order to facilitate logistics, but they've come a long way. And somehow I think a "squad" of these things marching into the cave would scare the Taliban a lot more than a half dozen GIs zooming overhead in a humvee.

Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 03:34 PM (4Zvmf)

52
I think that's fine, but personally I'd rather have the F-22 line back up a running and a new generation of Boomers

I'll trade out the new boomers for starting up the A-10 line again. In a heartbeat.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 20, 2010 03:34 PM (P9+0W)

53 I don't think you clicked the linky.

Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 07:25 PM (4Zvmf)

You're right. A herd of those would scare the shit out of anyone.

Posted by: Cicero at September 20, 2010 03:34 PM (QKKT0)

54 #51 But that's still worse than actual planes we have like the Harrier. Or a helicopter.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:36 PM (z1N6a)

55 " Jane! stop this crazy thing..."

Posted by: GEORGE JETSON at September 20, 2010 03:36 PM (eHP4n)

56 I'll trade out the new boomers for starting up the A-10 line again. In a heartbeat. Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 20, 2010 07:34 PM (P9+0W) Well I'll give ya one less Boomer, that aughta pay for the whole line of A-10s. Shit we should be Defense Secretaries.

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 20, 2010 03:37 PM (0GFWk)

57 OT Archie Comics Covers #616 and #617

Palin And Obama share a shake at Riverdale (Manga Studio web site at the link)

LINK

Posted by: mrp at September 20, 2010 03:37 PM (HjPtV)

58 http://bit.ly/TOpI3 I think DARPA needs to team up with this organization before the inevitable VENOM/ Al-Qaeda alliance.

Posted by: SoupOrMan at September 20, 2010 03:39 PM (EZwjs)

59 Ain't gonna' happen. Besides, it's already been tried in the civilian market. Epic fail. Looks like DARPA found someone's old stash of 1950's Popular Mechanics.

Posted by: Lisa Merkinowski at September 20, 2010 03:41 PM (dO0Kp)

60 Ah, well. I guess I did the linky thing wrong. You'll all be stuck with copying and pasting into a realm of 1980s nostalgia. And for what it's worth the only MASK toy worth having was the Condor. Motorcyle + Helicopter + disintegrator cannon = small and agile WIN

Posted by: SoupOrMan at September 20, 2010 03:42 PM (EZwjs)

61 The internal Pentagon politics will kill this long before some random Talib will. Presumably, this would be flown by an enlisted man. No way in hell that the Pentagon Powerpoint Rangers will allow mere E-4s and E-5s fly anything nowadays. That's strictly a commissioned or warrant officer's job. It's not like it was in the pre-WWII days, when the Marines had Flying Sergeants piloting fighters against the Japanese.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 20, 2010 03:42 PM (P9+0W)

62 Dumb idea...they should design an conventional armored vehicle/helo hybred. I'm envisioning the helo being a mothership to the vehicle. It could swoop in, drop off the vehicle, fly away, then swoop back in to pick up the vehicle when needed. The vehicle would be manned in flight and capable of firing on targets. Best of both worlds...

Posted by: havedash at September 20, 2010 03:43 PM (nzIWk)

63 All we have to do is ask God and it will be given. Ok, I ask for a weapon that will destroy my enemy with only a thought. God when are you going to stop lying and give me what I ask?

And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it. (John 14:13-14 NAB)

Posted by: George W Bush at September 20, 2010 03:44 PM (PDcrx)

64 #63 Cargo copters can already carry things like humvees.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:45 PM (z1N6a)

65 Looks like a solution in search of a problem.

Posted by: mrp at September 20, 2010 03:45 PM (HjPtV)

CNN HEADLINE NEWS

April 4 2011

Today President Obama veto spending on the 40 million dollar flying humvee. However he did aprove 120 Billion for the development of a flying golf cart...

Posted by: GEORGE JETSON at September 20, 2010 03:45 PM (eHP4n)

67 #64 Guess you don't know his name then, GW. Bummer.

Posted by: Oldcat at September 20, 2010 03:46 PM (z1N6a)

68 I'll trade out the new boomers for starting up the A-10 line again. In a heartbeat.

If you are comfortable with making first strike a viable option. And avoiding dangerous overflight for some *ahem* inconvenient targets, sure, can the Boomers. Most people forget, submarines aren't like other platforms. They have a hull life, and when it runs out, it runs out, you just can't rip the hull off and put a new one on; and the current Ohio class already had to go through the hull life extension certification once. At the end of the current extension those subs will be 40+ years old I doubt they will get another extension.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at September 20, 2010 03:48 PM (0q2P7)

69 I'll bet you could bullseye womp rats with that thing.....

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 20, 2010 03:49 PM (P9+0W)

Speeking of womp rats

I bet you could park one of these flying Humvees in Henry Waxmans nose.

Posted by: GEORGE JETSON at September 20, 2010 03:51 PM (eHP4n)

71 I'll bet you could bullseye womp rats with that thing.....

Let's see..womp rats..a little bit bigger than 2 meters, the apparent intergalactic unit of measure; you could hit them sure.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at September 20, 2010 03:54 PM (0q2P7)

72 I think a "squad" of these things marching into the cave would scare the Taliban a lot more than a half dozen GIs zooming overhead in a humvee. Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 07:34 PM

Especially if they were dressed in pig suits!

Right now, I doubt the Tahl-eee-bohn is all that afraid of our soldiers, given the CinC's wimp-ass ROEs.

Let 'em loose, Patton-style, and the few Muzzie fucks who survive will be damn scared of our American fighters.

Posted by: MrScribbler at September 20, 2010 04:04 PM (Ulu3i)

73 Gawd, I'd kill for one of those. Just imagine cutting off a Prius with a Coexist sticker in traffic.

An added plus would be some sort of fart smell that could be emitted while sitting in front of a libtard with a Barky sticker.

Posted by: Barry O at September 20, 2010 04:05 PM (UOM48)

74 Littlebird all decked out cost about 500,000 and can carry a fireteam. An MRAP cost about a mil and can carry just over a fire team. MRAP, dude buries a 75 pound IED then goes and drinks some tea. Littlebird, dude has to physically be there to shoot at the troops (no such thing as an air IED), troops blow him the hell away, troops go drink Red Bull. There you go DARPA, saved ya all sorts of work. All ya got to do is allow lower enlisted to fly choppers instead of requiring a warrant or brass.

Posted by: BillB at September 20, 2010 04:06 PM (7zyQ0)

75 Dumbass Barry O sock. Go eat your wagyu and screw your ugly wife.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at September 20, 2010 04:08 PM (UOM48)

Those things will be hood ornaments on 777's and 747's.

Posted by: Learflyer at September 20, 2010 04:11 PM (9vscO)

77 RE- 73 Pig suits, yes! Half of them in pig suits and the other half in big black dog suits. And of course the ones in the pig suits will have to shriek out that Geico pig "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" while they blast the living crap out everything in sight. And on a serious note, yes the current ROE suck.

Posted by: Nighthawk at September 20, 2010 04:12 PM (4Zvmf)

78 They've been trying to do this WWII and Christie's Flying Tank. Aircraft fly. Vehicles drive ??? Boondoggle! Shit, just stick a minigun and a pod of 2.75's or a Mk. 19 on effin' gyrocopters if you really feel the need. They're small, portable, fast, maneuverable and cheap enough to be expended along with their crews, which ought to appeal to this administration.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at September 20, 2010 04:14 PM (FwaRQ)

79 How make a flying tank...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at September 20, 2010 04:17 PM (FwaRQ)

80 "Dumb idea...they should design an conventional armored vehicle/helo hybred. I'm envisioning the helo being a mothership to the vehicle. It could swoop in, drop off the vehicle, fly away, then swoop back in to pick up the vehicle when needed. The vehicle would be manned in flight and capable of firing on targets. Best of both worlds..." Didn't work worth a damn in Aliens...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at September 20, 2010 04:19 PM (FwaRQ)

81 ^{Remember the JAMES BOND movie with TATTOO and the FLYING CAR but the Flying Car was really just a shitty AMC PACER?

Posted by: comicwing plover}

That would be "The Man With The Golden Gun", and it was an AMC Matador Coupe champ.

Posted by: George Romney, President AMC at September 20, 2010 04:26 PM (aaULJ)

82 "#64 Guess you don't know his name then, GW. Bummer."

Then why the hell hasn't the GD department of defense told me how to talk to his name (Jesus) and get what the hell I want?

Posted by: George W Bush at September 20, 2010 04:31 PM (PDcrx)

83 They already exist, They are called A10's. A two seater would be cool, but it was canceled.

Posted by: sTevo at September 20, 2010 04:43 PM (VMcEw)

Hmmm, let me guess, the CPU to run this killing machine is being supplied by Cyberdyne Systems.

Guess again, smartass. This is a project for Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.

Posted by: Steve Skubinna at September 20, 2010 04:53 PM (P6vVJ)

85 So I'm guessing medical marijuana was involved somewhere in the design meeting... (??)

Posted by: chuck in st paul at September 20, 2010 04:56 PM (adr25)

86 Lets just say I do this for a living on the heavy lift helicopter side...there's so many issues with this its laughable. I can't believe its getting any funding whatsoever. Its obvious to me they've not spoken to any rated aviators, or ones who actually perform this mission/have done so in theater. But hey, the picture looks effing sweet. At least there will be a lot more guys who will be able to say "I'm a pilot, yeah, its just like top gun" when picking up shallow women at the bars.

Posted by: GIJared at September 20, 2010 05:07 PM (RHDxh)

87 ya because that V22 that was supposed to transform from a helicopter to a plane worked out so well. Something like a viking from starcraft 2 would be totally tits. It turns from a plane into a walking tank.

Posted by: Rachel Maddow's Penis at September 20, 2010 05:16 PM (xbUuD)

88 Back in the late seventies, or early eighties one of the helicopter manufacturers (Piasecki maybe?) had a concept for a "flying tank or apc". It was to be a armored helo for low speed, low altitude operations. It's was heavy fuel powered and it's design goal was to not out run the maneuver force. It basically competed with the Bradley and Cheyenne/Comanche for funding and lost. An order of magnitude higher in operational cost then what DARPA is looking for here.

Posted by: Jean at September 20, 2010 05:35 PM (CPefM)

89 You going to expose the New American weapon to Islam ? they are going to "FREAK""

Posted by: DW Pepper at September 20, 2010 06:13 PM (XtCsM)

90 I've seen some demo video where helo drones are coming a long way in the autonomous flight stuff. I could see a heavy lift frame with at max one seat (just for back up type purposes) that could land on a Humvee (or Humvee dries into it) brackets lock down and the automation flies the vehicle and crew to the next drop off point. Lands, humvee drives off, and automation returns the airframe to wherever, ferry another crew or just go home, or go pick up a gun mount chassy that turns it into a mother of all armed drones.

Posted by: Allen at September 20, 2010 06:25 PM (NqhL+)

91 Isn't that Santa Fe they're flying over? They'd sure scare the poo out of the crowd around the Opera. (cue Wagner)

Posted by: Jimmy don\'t play that at September 20, 2010 06:30 PM (xcwcN)

92 I want me a flying Humvee with Blogspot on a head's up display so that I can be the Blogger From Hell. And miniguns on each side to make them tangoes dance.

Posted by: Tantor at September 20, 2010 07:06 PM (Ek/Oc)

93 Yeah, doubt this will work, but who knows, maybe. Future war tech is alway fun to think about. What will see in the next couple decades?

The precision weapons trend seems destined to swallow nearly everything. Already we got precision guided bombs (JDAM), rockets (MLRS) and missiles (Hellfire). And we've just added artillery (Excalibur, PGK) and guided Hydras (APKWS) in the last couple years. Now 120 mm mortars go precise this year (APMI).

I assume we'll see precision guided 81 and 60 mm mortars sometime this decade. And I wouldn't be stunned if guided 40 mm grenades show up this decade, too. Although I don't really expect to see them until the 2020s. At which point I also think the guided, course-correcting .50 cal sniper rifle will arrive on the scene.

Posted by: huh at September 20, 2010 07:43 PM (QcFbt)

I could use one of those on the Long Island Expressway.... way cool...

Posted by: cathymv at September 21, 2010 04:45 AM (NHFzt)

95 Actually, I'd be satisfied with any Humvee.

Posted by: Mazzuchelli at September 21, 2010 06:21 AM (zAZNI)

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