Ace of Spades HQ

May 07, 2010

Fat Dudes Hacking Beef With Two-Handed Swords
— Ace

Andrew Sullivan just started humming a song.

The terrible thing about this, for me, is that you're all going to say the second fat dude swinging the sword (into the pig's head) looks exactly like me.

What's even worse than that is I have to admit, sadly, he does, a misfortune for both of us. My sad and overweight dorkleganger looks at the camera at 1:37. (Oh wait-- he's right there in the picture the video is frozen on.)

[VID moved below fold for site formatting purposes -- PA]

Now that that ugliness is out of the way, here's the second fun vid from Dave @ Garfield Ridge (100% certified as not-old).

It's a fake viral video, of course. (For what, it hasn't been revealed yet.) But they do a pretty good job of showing failures and near-successes so you start to buy into, almost, the possibility someone can really run on water, if they just use the right technique and wear the right boots of boyancy.

And I thought only one man in recorded history performed miracles and walked on water! (And that man, of course, was Cars' lead singer and Paulina Porizkova-porker Rik Ocasik.)

Now that the fake walking-on-water is out of the way, how about the real driving-a-car-over-water?

The Mythbusters wanted to see if a stunt featured in Cannonball Run 3 was possible. In that stunt (apparently faked), a sportscar "skipped" across the surface of a small lake like a stone.

But could it actually be done?

Actually, it can be done, at least for short distances, and you don't even have to go all that fast -- just 100 mph or so will do the trick.

Here's a longer cut of that episode, with really bad sound, but you can see they really do it.

Posted by: Ace at 01:52 PM | Comments (116)
Post contains 303 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Actually he's a little bit thinner than you, isn't he?

Posted by: Terror level - Plaid at May 07, 2010 01:54 PM (T1boi)

2 from the first video, Dan Severn really let himself go

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 01:56 PM (gAmQ1)

3 Yep, looks just like you, from what I remember you looking like seeing how you won't ever come out unless we bribe you with Pizza Rolls and Arbor Mist.

Posted by: Mortis at May 07, 2010 01:57 PM (QjuDE)

4 also, second video is obviously for Hi-Tec shoes as everyone is wearing Hi-Tec apparel (outside of the wetsuits which they don't make)

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:00 PM (gAmQ1)

5 lol... love the running on water video

Posted by: Mjim at May 07, 2010 02:00 PM (mMdWG)

6 It's like the ONT. Only earlier.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:00 PM (UOM48)

7 If a man ever talks to me about the efficiency of a crazy big sword, I'm having the authorities check his basement.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at May 07, 2010 02:02 PM (wd0Iq)

8 yeah, I thought about passing them to Maetenloch, but i just wrote that long essay and needed a fresh post, fast.

Posted by: ace at May 07, 2010 02:02 PM (i6ROy)

9 Waiting for Charles Johnson to denounce Ace for his "dog-whistle call to murder policemen" by showing a sword slicing open a pig's head in 3... 2... 1....

Posted by: stuiec at May 07, 2010 02:03 PM (W+GYq)

10 yeah, I thought about passing them to Maetenloch, but i just wrote that long essay and needed a fresh post, fast.

Posted by: ace at May 07, 2010 06:02 PM (i6ROy)

What, like needing a cigarette afterward?

Posted by: stuiec at May 07, 2010 02:04 PM (W+GYq)

11 I have to confess to being a puss when it comes to watching raw meat being hacked at. Can't click on the vid. I'm a damned good cook, but I hate handling raw meat, especially chicken. Gag.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:05 PM (UOM48)

12 Is this like a palate cleanser before the long essay?

Posted by: damian at May 07, 2010 02:06 PM (4WbTI)

13 I've bought knives from Cold Steel, I'd say they are failry high quality. Never bought a sword from them though.

Posted by: Serena at May 07, 2010 02:06 PM (Vf7O1)

14 I want one of those swords. Granted, it's probably bigger than me, but... never stopped me from wanting anything before.

Posted by: AngelEm at May 07, 2010 02:08 PM (Aq93A)

15 Related to water-running and skipping cars over water: they're remaking the World War II movie The Dam Busters about the British raid to destroy the dams of the German Ruhr Valley. The key was figuring out how to deliver a depth charge at the right speed and height so that when dropped onto the reservoir behind the dam, it would skip over the surface, stop at the dam wall, and sink down the side of the wall to its detonation depth -- thus delivering its explosive force into the concrete with the reservoir's water acting to reflect the energy toward the wall instead of buffering it away from the wall.

Posted by: stuiec at May 07, 2010 02:08 PM (W+GYq)

16

Dorkelganger

lulz

+1000000000

AND WHOSE FEET WERE STILL IN THE BOOTS!!!!!!!!????????!?!?!

_{(I know, I know, I saw)}

Posted by: s'moron at May 07, 2010 02:09 PM (UaxA0)

17 that fat dude smiles a bit too hard after chopping up a pig

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:09 PM (gAmQ1)

18 Snowmobiles go across the water pretty well, at least by what I've seen on TV.

Posted by: damian at May 07, 2010 02:09 PM (4WbTI)

19 There goes Ace again, trying to compensate for being number 34 on the top blogs list.

HA HA! 34!!!

What?

What?

I'm WHAT?

DAG NABBIT!!!

I'm so stealing this video, Ace. And your Ewok jammies.

Posted by: Chuckles Johnson at May 07, 2010 02:10 PM (QjuDE)

20 And all this time I thought that Ace looked like Mark Valley. I will stick with that delusion.

Posted by: Unruly at May 07, 2010 02:10 PM (SVZM2)

the second fat dude swinging the sword (into the pig's head) looks exactly like me.

I always pictured you looking like a metal god. Must be the pretty words.

Posted by: Ms. Steamy, the revolutionary new dryer ball at May 07, 2010 02:10 PM (gbCNS)

22 When I was a teen, we had neighbors who bought the cutest little baby cow you've ever seen. It would come up to the pasture fence and suck our fingers. They named it "Hamburger" so their kids wouldn't get too attached. I'll never forget the day Hamburger was missing from the pasture. And a couple days later they offered my parents a deal on some beef. I don't think I ate beef for quite a while, until I figured Hamburger was no longer in the freezer.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:11 PM (UOM48)

23 And all this time I thought that Ace looked like Mark Valley. I will stick with that delusion.

Posted by: Unruly at May 07, 2010 06:10 PM (SVZM2)

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:11 PM (gAmQ1)

24 Jane, I have relatives in Maine who name their pigs 'Betty Bacon' 'Harry Ham' 'Rodney Ribs' etc

Posted by: Mortis at May 07, 2010 02:12 PM (QjuDE)

25 Rik Ocasik could walk across the Atlantic and it would still only be the second most impressive miracle of his life compared to landing Porizkova.

Posted by: DrewM. at May 07, 2010 02:12 PM (9B5OK)

26
Might I recommend:

THE DIGITAL VIKING: EDSBS'S GUIDE TO SPICY LIVING

_{definitely moron lifestlye approved}

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:12 PM (6hFrP)

27 That's one enormous flipping hole

Posted by: Joe Biden at May 07, 2010 02:13 PM (gAmQ1)

28 but I hate handling raw meat Gag.
Posted by: Jane D'oh

Thanks for sharing Jane.
Do you were latex gloves like Mandy Pepperidge in Animal House?

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:13 PM (iYbLN)

Fat dudes with swords.

I keep saying y'all are closet D&D gamers. C'mon. Just 'fess up.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 02:14 PM (QMtmy)

30 mpfs Heh.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:14 PM (UOM48)

31 Fat Dudes Hacking Beef

I'm so hoping that this is not a euphemism.

Posted by: to the Urban Dictionary! at May 07, 2010 02:15 PM (4WbTI)

I keep saying y'all are closet D&D gamers. C'mon. Just 'fess up.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 06:14 PM (QMtmy)

I do believe most of us will admit to rolling 20s

Posted by: Joe Biden at May 07, 2010 02:15 PM (gAmQ1)

33

"it's an enormous advantage in a fight."

What the FUCK are these idjits thinking?

Who the fuck do they fight, with those beer bellies and soft girl-hands?

Chipmunks?

Uh, yeah. The greatsword is wicked effective, pal.

LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!

Posted by: s'moron at May 07, 2010 02:17 PM (UaxA0)

34 Jane,
Like I said, I'm in a snarky mood today. Still at work and want to get out of here soon.

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:17 PM (iYbLN)

35 O/T Fox just said Prince Harry may be going back to Afghanistan flying helicopters.

Back on topic, isn't Fat Dudes Hacking Beef a tribute band to the Eagles?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:17 PM (UOM48)

Cold Steel ..... out of California

All of their stuff is sharp, and built for real hard use

Posted by: OhioDude at May 07, 2010 02:17 PM (wdv0T)

37 Looks like the Star Wars kid grew up and started himself a company.

Posted by: rockhead at May 07, 2010 02:19 PM (RykTt)

38 #29 The death of Gary Gygax was a sad sad day here.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at May 07, 2010 02:19 PM (wd0Iq)

39
Anyone else drinkin' yet? Just got home, cracked a beer, and giant kitteh Dumberer won't leave me the eff alone.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:20 PM (6hFrP)

40 1.) Beard + Gut + Sword
2.) ????????
3.) Walk on water!!!!

Posted by: Editor at May 07, 2010 02:21 PM (pUfK9)

41 Just in case you thought the MythBusters were impressive in how they blow shit up, here's a clip from The Dam Busters that shows how it's REALLY done.

Posted by: stuiec at May 07, 2010 02:22 PM (W+GYq)

42 I drank at lunch, today. It was sanctioned by the boss and he bought, so I had to.

Posted by: Editor at May 07, 2010 02:22 PM (pUfK9)

43 The death of Gary Gygax was a sad sad day here.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at May 07, 2010 06:19 PM (wd0Iq)

local hero with worldwide reach

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:22 PM (gAmQ1)

44 I carried an M16 and you sit there and play that repulsive electric twanger!

Posted by: Kevin's Dad at May 07, 2010 02:23 PM (QMtmy)

45
It was sanctioned by the boss and he bought, so I had to.

Damn, the things we do for our professions. The CTO needed a cheeseburger today, so we had to oblige. No beer, though, just good burgers.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:23 PM (6hFrP)

46 Snowmobiles go across the water pretty well, at least by what I've seen on TV.

Posted by: damian at May 07, 2010 06:09 PM (4WbTI)

Where the water is hard, yes.

Posted by: stuiec at May 07, 2010 02:23 PM (W+GYq)

47 OT: ugh, was gonna listen to Hugh Hewitt and ended up w/ squishy protect allah go Steelers! it's all about Minnesota Ed from HA, guess i'll listen to Savage

Posted by: Young Renaissance Man (AKA: YRM: Probably The Youngest Guy On Here) at May 07, 2010 02:24 PM (38UQ3)

48 Dang, I beat you to it. Suckiest week in a while. I'm on glass number 2 of wine, and managed to ingest a gnat with the first glass.

Mother's Day promises to suck. First without my mother, Daddy managed to die on Mother's Day several years ago, and D'oh Boy is in Japan.

Alcohol! Yum.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:25 PM (UOM48)

49 Anyone else drinkin' yet? Just got home, cracked a beer, and giant kitteh Dumberer won't leave me the eff alone.
Posted by: Dang Straights

In about 2 hours. Then unleash the Cracken (sp?)

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:26 PM (iYbLN)

Where the water is hard, yes.

Posted by: stuiec at May 07, 2010 06:23 PM (W+GYq)

you can go over regular water till your snowmobile starts sucking water (I've gone over a pond before). Then it becomes such a bitch to get it out

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:26 PM (gAmQ1)

51
I'm on glass number 2 of wine, and managed to ingest a gnat with the first glass.

A black fly
in your chardonnay
isn't it ironic

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:26 PM (6hFrP)

52 I thought this was a Jihadist website with all the sword play and walking on water.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at May 07, 2010 02:27 PM (I1/U/)

53 Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 06:11 PM (UOM4

Do you live in So Cal? I have a friend, on the east coast, that used to live there that also named their cow "hamburger".

Posted by: Hamburger at May 07, 2010 02:28 PM (RmkZh)

54 Dang, the irony is thick today, isn't it? I'm sure Mom and Dad are looking down and saying "Hang in there."

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:28 PM (UOM48)

"it's an enormous advantage in a fight."

What the FUCK are these idjits thinking?

Who the fuck do they fight, with those beer bellies and soft girl-hands?

Chipmunks?

Uh, yeah. The greatsword is wicked effective, pal.

LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!

Some of us just like good swords. No, I have never played D&D, don't like role-playing games, and am not fat. I woun't want a Cold Steel, though - they don't make good reproductions of antique weapons, and it is the history I am mostly interested in.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 07, 2010 02:28 PM (ULOId)

56 Walking on water?

Pfft, amateurs.

Posted by: obama at May 07, 2010 02:29 PM (Mmw0q)

57 I've always found "Blue Steel" to be much more effective than "Cold Steel."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 02:30 PM (QMtmy)

58 Hamburger @53. This was in SC. Hmmm. Your friend on the east coast might have been my neighbor.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:30 PM (UOM48)

59 Dang, the irony is thick today, isn't it? I'm sure Mom and Dad are looking down and saying "Hang in there."
Posted by: Jane D'oh

Jane, so are we.
Come for the insightful comment.
Stay for the snark my friend.

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:30 PM (iYbLN)

60 while we are at it, the Germans are breaking the first law of robotics. Asimov would be terrified:

http://tinyurl.com/2eaxzzz

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:32 PM (gAmQ1)

61 I keep saying y'all are closet D&D gamers. C'mon. Just 'fess up.

Closet?

Suckiest week in a while.

Seconded. I came within about three minutes of just walking out on my job this week. I do believe it's time to polish off that bottle of tuscan lemonade.

Posted by: alexthechick at May 07, 2010 02:32 PM (6Cojl)

62 Alex,
What's in Tuscan Lemonade?

I had a sucking week too. Decided to put in for voluntary transfer .

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:33 PM (iYbLN)

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 07, 2010 06:28 PM (ULOId)

I used to browse the muesem replicas ltd catelogues, don't know exactly how good they are but they sounded authentic.

Posted by: Randy at May 07, 2010 02:34 PM (zQKSr)

64 Jane @59 My friend lived in Southern Cali at the time he had a cow named hamburger. He is now on the East coast. I suppose hamburger is a fairly common name for a cow

Posted by: Hamburger at May 07, 2010 02:34 PM (RmkZh)

65 I've always found "Blue Steel" to be much more effective than "Cold Steel."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 06:30 PM (QMtmy)

"What's the spirit of the bayonet?!"

"To kill! To kill! With cold blue steel!"

Posted by: Editor at May 07, 2010 02:34 PM (pUfK9)

66 Anyone hear Beck this morning? I was waiting...and waiting...and waiting for a guy to show up to give me an estimate on doing some repairs on the house. Had Beck on and he was ridiculing Rick Sanchez. It was hilarious.

Bret Baier just said Michael Steele has fired the RNC finance director.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:35 PM (UOM48)

67 What's in Tuscan Lemonade?

Vodka and limoncello. This is what I drink to pretend I'm not drinking vodka out of a water glass.

Posted by: alexthechick at May 07, 2010 02:35 PM (6Cojl)

68 Obligatory: Who's gonna fire Michael Steele?

Posted by: Editor at May 07, 2010 02:36 PM (pUfK9)

69 Vodka and limoncello. This is what I drink to pretend I'm not drinking vodka out of a water glass.

Posted by: alexthechick at May 07, 2010 06:35 PM (6Cojl)

rather drink Fuzzy Navels, Slippery Nipples or Flaming Dragons

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:37 PM (gAmQ1)

70
"To kill! To kill! With cold blue steel!"

WHAT MAKES THE GRASS GROW??

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:37 PM (6hFrP)

71 I often wondered why they sell Samauri swords at the Flying J truckstops? Geez, thats all a pissed off trucker needs.

Posted by: diesel fried chicken at May 07, 2010 02:38 PM (40z4M)

72 Wow alex. That sounds kinda awesome. I love chilled limoncello. And vodka? Yesssss. May have to hit the liquor store tomorrow. That could very well be my Mother's Day gift to myself.

And hope next week is less suckier for you and all the morons/ettes.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 02:38 PM (UOM48)

73 Are you having a wack attack?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 02:39 PM (QMtmy)

74 A week that ended well despite a bad start. Buffalo Trace bourbon. New to me, and pretty good. From Franklin County. We need to visit Kentucky.

In other good news, making up for forgetting our 23rd wedding anniversary, I [belatedly] got her pearl earrings and flowers. So far, so good.

Never let that slip by again.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at May 07, 2010 02:39 PM (btzPD)

75 look, your govt can walk on water too.

of the 290K increase of which census was 66k and Birth Death was 188k. Hurray -the economy added a real 36k in jobs in April. Still, we are curious how the Chairman will not be forced to discuss tightening after this B/D adjustment inspired number (188K in April B/D, 81K in March).

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at May 07, 2010 02:39 PM (7VvJB)

76 I've got a plastic sword like that. It's up in my room.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 02:40 PM (QMtmy)

77
Buffalo Trace bourbon.

Used to be Ancient Age bourbon, good stuff. But I'll drink paint thinner well bourbon, so not a good judge.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:42 PM (6hFrP)

78 Are you having a wack attack?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 06:39 PM (QMtmy)

Calling Mr. Magic's Wand

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:43 PM (gAmQ1)

79 Hell, I'll sink to Old Overholt levels if need be.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at May 07, 2010 02:43 PM (btzPD)

80 Old Overholt makes good Manhattans, actually.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at May 07, 2010 02:46 PM (btzPD)

Hmmm, a broadsword cleaving a pigs head. Posting a video of the favorite weapon of the crusaders hacking at a haram piggy. You obviously hate muslims. Why didn't you just go all the way and photoshop an american flag tshirt on your dorkelganger?????

do i need to?/s

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at May 07, 2010 02:47 PM (cniXs)

82 Calling Mr. Magic's Wand

No. Calling the Hitachi Magic Wand. That's going to be my wedding anniversary gift to myself this weekend.

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:47 PM (iYbLN)

83 I've got a plastic sword like that. It's up in my room.
Posted by: Dr. Varno

Next to your Star Wars jammies?

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:48 PM (iYbLN)

84 I draw the line at Old Granddad though. A permeable barrier though - rather like the border fence.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at May 07, 2010 02:48 PM (btzPD)

85

I like swords too, and Cold Steel blades as well, but the bald fat guy said the greatsword would be effective "in a fight."

Who are these rolly-pollies fighting with sharpened swords?

Bags of potato chips?

Posted by: s'moron at May 07, 2010 02:49 PM (UaxA0)

86 84 Calling Mr. Magic's Wand

No. Calling the Hitachi Magic Wand. That's going to be my wedding anniversary gift to myself this weekend.

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 06:47 PM (iYbLN)

http://tinyurl.com/bnr8nx

Posted by: fartbubble at May 07, 2010 02:51 PM (gAmQ1)

The terrible thing about this, for me, is that you're all going to say the second fat dude swinging the sword (into the pig's head) looks exactly like me.

What's even worse than that is I have to admit, sadly, he does, a misfortune for both of us. My sad and overweight dorkleganger looks at the camera at 1:37.

Hey, I was just put on Enalapril for high blood pressure and ordered to lose 60 pounds. Gonna do it, too. Join me! Let's get lean and mean!

By the way, Enalapril is the first medication I've taken that gave me every single one of the side effects on the first day. It was spectacular! Headache, dry cough, jet-powered diarrhea, stomach ache, acid indigestion, dizziness, confusion, nausea, fatigue, and vomiting, all simultaneously.

That's how I know it's working! Anything that can do all that to you in one day and all at the same time has got to be effective!

Let's do this, Ace!

Posted by: Llarry at May 07, 2010 02:52 PM (vW888)

88 fartbubble, ( I can't believe that's your nic.)

If it's not going to give me pleasure what's the point?

Posted by: mpfs at May 07, 2010 02:52 PM (iYbLN)

I used to browse the muesem replicas ltd catelogues, don't know exactly how good they are but they sounded authentic.

I had one once, and wasn't impressed. They are sort of the lowest quality you can get and still call it a sword instead of a sword-shaped object. Hanwei's new Tinker line is supposed to be very good, though - nearly as good as a $800-1000 Albion - the best production swords out there - at a fraction of the cost. I want to get a Hanwei-Tinker blade and put my own hilt on it.

The only sword I own is a del Tin - heavy but solid. They cost more than a Museum replicas, though.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 07, 2010 02:53 PM (ULOId)

90 Time to get my geek on. I have a Museum Replicas version of the Heron Mark Sword (Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan). It's a battle-quality weapon, made of high carbon steel, forged by Windlass Steelcrafts in India, and sharpened. The damn thing is dangerous, and needs to be handled as if it were a loaded firearm. Swords are absolutely no joke. And useful for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

Posted by: grognard at May 07, 2010 02:53 PM (YmthB)

91 Many of Cold SteelÂ’s more expensive knives are made of good quality alloy steel, and well made. The Trailmaster is an example. Their swords seem to still have some catching-up to do. Note the blade whippyness in the slow-motion clips at ~6:25 and again at 7:05.

Any chance we could get one of these guys to go claim the Celtic throw rug from the 40y.o. death-dealer guy from several weeks ago?

Posted by: Arbalest at May 07, 2010 02:54 PM (BjcIH)

92 No. Calling the Hitachi Magic Wand. That's going to be my wedding anniversary gift to myself this weekend.

Sqweel.

Posted by: alexthechick at May 07, 2010 02:54 PM (6Cojl)

Next to your Star Wars jammies?

As a matter of fact, they're Spider-Man pajamas, thank you.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at May 07, 2010 02:54 PM (QMtmy)

94
I draw the line at Old Granddad though.

I've sneaked a flask or 4 of that into DKR once or twice. $7 at Dan's Liqours on Lavaca. Ouch.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:57 PM (6hFrP)

95
And useful for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

Indeed.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 02:58 PM (6hFrP)

96 Over at Gateway Pundit they say the plans to go ahead with a 13-story mosque near the WTC site are a go.

In Atlanta the other day, D'oh Boy and I crested a hill coming into downtown and were gobsmacked to see a gold domed mosque and minaret standing out like a sore thumb. Jeebus. My kid said, "Great. Pretty soon those asses will be shooting at me."

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 07, 2010 03:00 PM (UOM48)

97
the plans to go ahead with a 13-story mosque near the WTC site are a go.

I'm finding it really hard to feel sorry for the denizens of NYC. They're pretty much asking for a repeat performance of 9/11.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 07, 2010 03:04 PM (6hFrP)

98 Finally, a justifiable reason to buy a Fiero!

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at May 07, 2010 03:08 PM (+lsX1)

99

that's a really tall mosque.

Sounds like it'd be really structurally unstable.

Jus sayin.

Posted by: s'moron at May 07, 2010 03:09 PM (UaxA0)

100

This is what the Repugnantcans needed during the great Porkulus debates!

Posted by: bergerbilder at May 07, 2010 03:14 PM (S1Ttj)

101 I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at May 07, 2010 03:17 PM (BSbOk)

102 My sword requires two hands, IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: brak at May 07, 2010 03:30 PM (W5NBA)

103 Everybody making fun of Lynn Thompson of Cold Steel for being fat - I guarantee you he can kick your butt in a knife fight.

Posted by: indy at May 07, 2010 03:34 PM (iDOIJ)

104 I used to have a Kwan Do in my closet. Still have a spear.

Posted by: Unruly at May 07, 2010 03:41 PM (SVZM2)

105

I guarantee you he can kick your butt in a knife fight

That's why I never get into knife fights.

Posted by: Kahr MK 40 stainless at May 07, 2010 03:50 PM (UaxA0)

106

Hmmm ... If I were planning on spending an afternoon hacking at pig heads with a giant medieval sword, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it while wearing a button down shirt with a tie.

Just seems ... overly formal for pig head hacking.

Posted by: Warden at May 07, 2010 04:09 PM (QoR4a)

107 It's a shame to see Jamie and Adam have fallen on such hard times they are making infomercials for the late night, dateless crowd.

Oh, and when Ace turned to look at the camera the first time he should have said "America, F^#k Yeah!"

Posted by: Dirka Dirka the First at May 07, 2010 04:58 PM (sfNbl)

108 Watch the whole "Sword Proof" video sometime. Good stuff. And yes, Lynn Thompson is quite the student of edged weapon fighting. And shooting, for that matter.

Posted by: Hatchet Five at May 07, 2010 05:51 PM (U2eNA)

109
"Hey, ya know what we need in here is a thin Asian guy to grab the sword and do some of those things... yeah, chin ups. 'Cause I can't do those."

Posted by: That fat guy holding the sword. at May 07, 2010 06:46 PM (UA4gE)

110
I was attacked by a group of rolled up woven mats just the other day. Wish I'd had one of those swords.

And earlier, today mind you, there was an already severed dead pig's head at the grocery store. In the butcher's case. If that thing had come at me, but then stopped and stayed really still while I got my shot all lined up and shit, I really could have used one of those swords.

And that time that hick in Oklahoma kicked my ass. Man, if he had taken off his boots and put them on a table... I totally could have done what that fat guy just did - If. I. Had. That. Sword.

That does it. I'm getting one.

Posted by: Dang at May 07, 2010 07:00 PM (UA4gE)

111 The sword is amazing. It's ridiculous to use one today, and probably not that smart against people with swords, either, but the idea of swinging a giant shard of steel at people, hacking through them, grinding your sword back out, and doing it again, is pretty amazing.

I'd think a smaller but substantial sword would be sufficient to deflect this and also stab the shit out of anyone trying to wield this thing. Hell, a long spear would probably work better unless you were attacked by an army of sticks with pig heads.

Me, I'll stick to my stupid gun I never practice with. Oh, I mean the firearm one.

Posted by: Sentient Nintendo 64 at May 07, 2010 09:50 PM (dUOK+)

112 That sword will be awesome for chopping Zombies when the Zombie Apocalypse arrives...or hacking up Obama's Brownshirt Civilian Army on the steps of the Capital when our country devolves into Greece...whichever comes first...

Posted by: FreedomFighter at May 08, 2010 05:50 AM (Odul+)

113 You will miss some real men here if you don't go to the cold steel website and view this video of South African cape buffalo hunters.

http://tinyurl.com/yfj5xlk

a family a guides gets into a bit of trouble with a cape buffalo and one son has to stab it to death with a cold steel OSS knife as it is goring his dad

Posted by: ice at May 08, 2010 07:04 AM (+PiHz)

114 Cold Steel makes some decent stuff, but they also have a lot of crap marketed toward the "mall ninja" crowd. I just got me a RAT-6 in the mail, and I can't wait to skin some critter with it. I split a piece of wood with it yesterday and it's still sharp enough to shave with. I got the optional Molle back for the sheath, and it looks ridiculously tactical, but I figured it would give me more ways to carry it.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at May 08, 2010 10:24 AM (+EGil)

115 I can't stop laughing about the word dorkleganger!

Posted by: Phoenix at May 09, 2010 09:59 PM (JVw9H)

116 led digital watch led digital watches led display watch vintage led watch

Posted by: dfcvbcb at May 18, 2010 09:20 PM (eU/Oa)

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