Ace of Spades HQ

August 11, 2010

First It Was Funemployment, Now It's A "Recession With Benefits"
— Ace

JWF catches the NYT pitifully spinning for the Great Recession's silver lining yet again.

But since this recent recession began in December 2007, real average hourly pay has risen nearly 5 percent. Some employers, especially state and local governments, have cut wages. But many more employers have continued to increase pay.
Something similar happened during the Great Depression, notes Bruce Judson of the Yale School of Management. Falling prices meant that workers who held their jobs received a surprisingly strong effective pay raise.

Um, hello? This is true of every single depression or recession. Those who have jobs of course actually see their buying power increase, not decrease, because prices get slashed as goods go wanting for buyers.

I am really trying to note a basic economic point here: This is always true, and always has been true, since the beginning of anything resembling an "economy."

In college, my economics-major friend noted this when I mentioned a recession, saying that a recession helped some people: In his inartful, blunt words, "A recession is great, if you have a job."

So this has been true since the dawn of time. Of course it must be true. But we never say a recession is a good thing, because those with jobs (most of the population, even during a depression) may experience greater real buying power. We say it's a bad thing, because a significant fraction of our workers are out of work and in economic crisis and may soon see their homes taken away and all other calamities.

Yes, it's true, even in a bad recession, 80% of the workforce is still working, and for them, the recession's not really all that horrible, except for the stress and worry that they'll be the next laid off, and their concern for friends and family who are out of money.

But while they have their job, it's not too bad for them.

But again, what makes a recession a recession is the economic pain borne by the 20% out of work, or working part-time when they want full-time work.

Until now. Until Obama needed a silver lining to an economic crisis. And at the moment of his need, the New York Times suddenly discovers that a recession can be totally awesome for those few who retain their jobs.

Posted by: Ace at 10:39 AM | Comments (156)
Post contains 404 words, total size 3 kb.

1 The old Grey Whore hasn't changed much since Duranty was there. The defining characteristic of the left is their complete and utter shamelessness.

Posted by: Civil Cold Warrior at August 11, 2010 10:42 AM (sfNbl)

Some employers, especially state and local governments, have cut wages.

State and local governments cutting wages my ass!

Posted by: Prof. Venkman at August 11, 2010 10:43 AM (Bs34i)

3 I call bullsh*t tho on the numbers they're claiming - I know at our agency it is now three years with salary freezes for EVERYONE - yet inflation keeps chugging along. That plus no yearly bonuses makes for some very tight times in advertising. we didn't have to lay off however. I guess the companies that fired a bunch of people might have more leeway to actually give raises, but I haven't heard of any local agencies doing so. It's either freezes or salary cuts (especially in PR). I know you're all weeping for the poor sad folks in advertising, lol.

Posted by: BlackOrchid at August 11, 2010 10:44 AM (SB0V2)

4 Retirement and college fund savings dwindle as the stock market drops, so the recession is still bad even for those with jobs. Falling home prices also affect those still employed.

Posted by: Pervy Grin at August 11, 2010 10:46 AM (OxKj2)

5 Funemployment is a riot over on Drudge.

Posted by: WalrusRex at August 11, 2010 10:46 AM (xxgag)

6 What's the benefit? Boredom, stress, hunger, homelessness, fear? Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather work.

Posted by: skree at August 11, 2010 10:47 AM (RihgB)

7 This recession may be a little different since the economy expanded due to a lot of people going into debt, and now that the spigots been turned off they have to, or have chosen to, pay that debt down. Therefore, less buying power available.

Posted by: Dr Spank at August 11, 2010 10:47 AM (xO+6C)

8 Falling home prices also affect those still employed.

Yeah, it means they can finally afford to buy one.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 10:48 AM (9PzaA)

9 How do I keep missing out on all this "free" stuff???

Oh wait, I am a responsible person.

Posted by: mpfs at August 11, 2010 10:48 AM (iYbLN)

10 Congress gives 26 billion to the unions but takes the money from the food stamp program.

Gotta love these Dems.

Thanks again 52%. I hope you fucking starve.

Posted by: mpfs at August 11, 2010 10:49 AM (iYbLN)

11
In related news, ugly women report a steep spike in attention at last call. Legislators ponder how to extend last call to benefit this minority.

Posted by: Katie Couric's colon at August 11, 2010 10:49 AM (rMMMP)

12 I wish the New York Times would grow up.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 11, 2010 10:50 AM (Adi4S)

13

Gettysburg wasn't so bad for my division yesterday.

Posted by: George Pickett, July 2, 1863 at August 11, 2010 10:50 AM (UaxA0)

14 Legislators ponder how to extend last call to benefit this minority.

Free beer would be a start.

Posted by: CUS at August 11, 2010 10:51 AM (wOGfT)

15 Congress gives 26 billion to the unions but takes the money from the food stamp program.

I'm pretty sure this is a trick to get Republicans and/or conservatives on tape talking about how welfare spending shouldn't be cut...and it seems to be working.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 10:51 AM (9PzaA)

16 Funrecession! Recessawesome! Joycession! C'mon, everybody get up and clap your hands!

Posted by: Pinch Sulzberger, cheering for his buddy O. at August 11, 2010 10:52 AM (RD7QR)

Stop trying to confuse liberals with your racist facts

Posted by: Truman North at August 11, 2010 10:52 AM (e8YaH)

18
O/T

Spain's plans to have 2,000 electric cars on the road by the end of 2010 have been dealt a blow as figures showed just 16 have been sold.

Don't worry, Obama Motors Chevrolet Volt will save the day and nirvana is just around the corner.

Posted by: Fish at August 11, 2010 10:53 AM (v1gw3)

19 Free beer would be a start.

We'll start drafting The Beer Goggle Refocusing Act right now.

Posted by: US Congress at August 11, 2010 10:53 AM (wOGfT)

20 The price of cocaine is going down. This is a Golden Age.

Posted by: Ashley Biden at August 11, 2010 10:54 AM (FkKjr)

21 It's not a Depression, it's a Wheeeeeeepression!

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at August 11, 2010 10:55 AM (PBNpM)

22 After plummeting over 200 points in the first half hour, it's been a steady downhill slide for the DOW. Now, off 270

Posted by: CUS at August 11, 2010 10:55 AM (wOGfT)

23 Ehhh, not seeing that wonderful increase in buying power here. Food is up, way up, and we are paying more for less quantity of lower quality. Here it is the opposite of a buyers market with fewer and fewer open stores with goods for sale and those remaining stores have a gradually increasing inventory of empty shelves.

Posted by: John Galt at August 11, 2010 10:56 AM (F/4zf)

Here's a drinking game: Make up some worldwide disaster and then try to come up with the best NYT headline or spin.

Millions Killed In Israel: Survivors Enjoying Fewer Traffic Jams

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 11, 2010 10:57 AM (Adi4S)

25
Congress gives 26 billion to the unions but takes the money from the food stamp program.

Posted by: mpfs at August 11, 2010 02:49 PM (iYbLN)

This slight to deserving American's was brought about by republican's who hate poor people, and we will correct this by appropriating an additional 26 billion after this scam has been signed into law. Oh yea, it's the law, kinda cool.

Posted by: Narry "Short Dick" Reid at August 11, 2010 10:57 AM (v1gw3)

26
Remember how the coordinated (Journolist-esque) group-think media made sure to inform us how horrible 4.6% unemployment was during Bush.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at August 11, 2010 10:57 AM (0fzsA)

27 Looks to me like Michelle hit the jackpot.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 10:57 AM (RkRxq)

28 A shepherd has sheep. True story.

Posted by: The NY Times at August 11, 2010 10:57 AM (R4rMI)

Dow -292, and falling.

Benefits!

Posted by: Bat Chain Puller at August 11, 2010 10:58 AM (SCcgT)

OT:

Just saw man with "world's largest moobs" at Asylum. I'm torn because it's freaky and weird, but they are spectacular. I'd link, but some things you can't unsee.

Posted by: Beagle at August 11, 2010 10:59 AM (sOtz/)

Obama Loses In Landslide: Voters Reject Candidate, Not Politics

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 11, 2010 11:00 AM (Adi4S)

32 Something similar happened during the Great Depression, notes Bruce Judson of the Yale School of Management. Falling prices meant that workers who held their jobs received a surprisingly strong effective pay raise.

Good God; you can't make this shit up folks. These people really are bat shit crazy.

Posted by: Vic at August 11, 2010 11:00 AM (/jbAw)

33 #15 I'm pretty sure this is a trick to get Republicans and/or conservatives on tape talking about how welfare spending shouldn't be cut...and it seems to be working.

I won't pull away the football this time, Charlie Brown. Pinkie-swear.

Posted by: Lucy van Pelt at August 11, 2010 11:01 AM (9hSKh)

34

The Battle of the Alamo wasn't that bad for all of us.

Posted by: Moses Rose at August 11, 2010 11:01 AM (UaxA0)

35 #35 Good God; you can't make this shit up folks. These people really are bat shit crazy.

You expect this kind of insanity from the type of people who seriously believe that unemployment bennies are the best stimulus for the economy.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 11, 2010 11:02 AM (9hSKh)

36 "Falling prices meant that workers who held their jobs received a surprisingly strong effective pay raise."

Wow, and here I thought that Progressives were all in favor of DECREASING economic inequality -- and now you tell me the New York Times is calling INCREASED inequality a "benefit" of the recession?

Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit!

Posted by: stuiec at August 11, 2010 11:03 AM (5UP6n)

37
The best stimulus for the economy is unemployment compensation.

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at August 11, 2010 11:03 AM (v1gw3)

38 Where is that git Palin Steele to tell us that Obama's real success is getting the stock market to rise.

I've heard some stupid nicknames for penises, but "stock market" takes the cake.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 11:04 AM (9PzaA)

39 Some employers, especially state and local governments, have cut wages

Yeah, tell me about it!

Posted by: Robert Rizzo - Bell, CA at August 11, 2010 11:05 AM (VuLos)

Falling home prices also affect those still employed.

Most definitely. We couldn't sell our old house. We did get it rented out, but let's just say the experience is not increasing our buying power.

Plus, we need to have more $$ in savings in case we need to repair something on either of the houses, or the renters move out and we still need to cover the mortgage, or whatever else.

Posted by: Mama AJ at August 11, 2010 11:05 AM (XdlcF)

Another true fact: the standard of living went up for survivors of the Black Plague, because afterwards there was a peasant labor shortage. In England, peasants had enough leverage after the Plague to basically end the feudal system, by forcing lords to agree to convert service obligations into rent or wages. Plus if all your relatives died, you inherited their property. Epidemic with benefits!

Posted by: Bud Norton at August 11, 2010 11:05 AM (6cOMd)

Deploy the escape chutes!

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 11, 2010 11:05 AM (QMtmy)

43 It all boils down to this: those of us who are killed by Osama Obama's regime will leave behind more food for those who survive.

Neither the NY Slimes or the Osama Obama regime give a shit about human beings. Their goal is Bakuninite total destruction. As long as they can have what's left after the firestorm.

Posted by: MrScribbler at August 11, 2010 11:06 AM (Ulu3i)

On the same note, in the past few years I've noticed that I can go out to a nice restaurant on Saturday evening and almost always get seated immediately. These are places that would have had a 45-minute wait or more back when the economy was roaring. I guess that's another great benefit of the recession, until you think about the reasons that so many former customers can't come in anymore.

Posted by: Cicero at August 11, 2010 11:07 AM (QKKT0)

45 The gap between the rich and poor is a bad thing, except when a Democrat is president.

Posted by: NYT Economic Geniuses at August 11, 2010 11:07 AM (Pson9)

46
I've heard some stupid nicknames for penises, but "stock market" takes the cake.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 03:04 PM (9PzaA)

Lyndon Johnson named his penis Jumbo!

Posted by: Fish at August 11, 2010 11:07 AM (v1gw3)

London decimated by bubonic plague: Survivors' BMI now in line with government standards

Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 11:07 AM (aOKEC)

48 It's like the time Hillary Clinton became the first person to ever have a family member die. They're just getting around to figuring out what some of have known for many years. _{(And trying to figure out how to steer their vote).}

Posted by: dfbaskwill at August 11, 2010 11:08 AM (usjNq)

49 Americans have also rediscovered the joys of dining on canned dog food, a treat that has been all but forgotten for many decades. That today's youth is experiencing something they had only heard of from their late great grandparents is being hailed by the Obama administration as a "teachable moment".

Posted by: NYT Editorial Board at August 11, 2010 11:08 AM (uKraB)

50 Obama Loses In Landslide: RACIST BITTER GUN CLINGING Voters Reject OUR FIRST SPECTACULAR BLACK (NOT MULADO) Candidate, Not Politics

Posted by: If you're going to quote us, get it right at August 11, 2010 11:08 AM (pLTLS)

In some countries, you can only get a work visa if you have a degree or a needed skill. Fortunately for us, our country is so progressive that we encourage smart people to stay the hell out by gouging them with fees so we can accept more unskilled people who overwhelm costly services.

http://tinyurl.com/2v6rvh8

Feeling generous yet, suckers?

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 11:09 AM (RkRxq)

52
A great benefit of this recession is that hooker's in Hollywood are much cheaper.

Posted by: Charlie Sheen at August 11, 2010 11:09 AM (v1gw3)

53 Make up some worldwide disaster and then try to come up with the best NYT headline or spin.

"With the recent detonations of nuclear weapons over New York, Washington, and Los Angeles the need for constructive engagement with the Iranian regime has never been more imperative."

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at August 11, 2010 11:10 AM (PLvLS)

54 "Recession With Benefits" Are you trying to do sex with my 401k?

Posted by: fluffy at August 11, 2010 11:11 AM (4Kl5M)

55 Listening to hannity? Why is our money going there when heck with that much money he could really have saved a lot of people the heartache of losing their home?

Posted by: / at August 11, 2010 11:12 AM (p302b)

Obama's 26 billion dollar aid package to the states to keep teachers employed amount to 165k per job - which the teachers still have.

How the f--k do we let this happen? A few months ago, 26 billion was a big number.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 11:13 AM (RkRxq)

Falling prices meant that workers who held their jobs received a surprisingly strong effective pay raise.

Bullshit...the new sexy.

Posted by: dananjcon at August 11, 2010 11:13 AM (pr+up)

58 #49 - me too. For the first time in my life I have money in the bank. I worked my ass off for it too. I don't spend much because I fear for the future.

Posted by: skree at August 11, 2010 11:13 AM (RihgB)

59 The famine-related (*ahem*, forced starvation) deaths in Ukraine also mean that there is more food for the rest of the Soviet comrades!

/We really did have 70 years of bad harvests in the USSR, swearises!

Posted by: Josef Stalin at August 11, 2010 11:14 AM (9hSKh)

60 Make up some worldwide disaster and then try to come up with the best NYT headline or spin.

"To be sure, the moon and the seas have turned to blood, the waters of the Earth are poisoned, and the Anti-Christ sits on a throne of skulls ... but on the plus side, no more Sarah Palin."

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at August 11, 2010 11:14 AM (PLvLS)

61 TEHRAN - While the destruction of Israel by Iranian nuclear missiles resulted in millions of lost lives, tensions over the the division of Jerusalem, Islam's 38th most holiest city, have ebbed to their lowest point since the founding of the irritating little Jewish nation.

Posted by: The New York Times at August 11, 2010 11:15 AM (QKKT0)

62
Wait until the Democrats let the Bush tax cuts expire, and tax-payer funded health care kicks in. Life will really be sweet.

I want my single payer! waaaaa.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at August 11, 2010 11:15 AM (0fzsA)

63 63 "Recession With Benefits"

Are you trying to do sex with my 401k?

"sex" implies there is some love incorporated in the deed. This a flat-out raw boning of your 401k. Rape-rape, in the Whoopi sense of the term. Bad part about it is that the boning your 401k is getting from the feds is perfectly legal.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 11, 2010 11:16 AM (9hSKh)

64 The NYT is so full of shit; and they wonder why their losing readership.

Posted by: GarandFan at August 11, 2010 11:16 AM (XaWFq)

65 It was great not having to work the fields.

Posted by: Ukrainian Farmers at August 11, 2010 11:16 AM (f0UXf)

66 Posted by: Lemon Kitten at August 11, 2010 03:15 PM (0fzsA)

After seeing that picture on drudge, all those people out there in the heat....what is going to happen when people who haven't paid tax since the bush tax cuts kicked in suddenly have a way smaller paycheck?

Posted by: curious at August 11, 2010 11:19 AM (p302b)

Topical:

The New York Times used to be called the Gray Lady of American newspapers. The sobriquet implied a certain stateliness, a sense of responsibility, the possession of high virtue. But the Gray Lady is far from the grande dame she once was. For years now she has been going heavy on the rouge, lipstick, and eyeliner, using a push-up bra, and gadding about in stiletto heels. SheÂ’s become a bitÂ—perhaps more than a bitÂ—of a slut, whoring after youth through pretending to be with-it. IÂ’ve had it with the old broad; after nearly 50 years together, IÂ’ve determined to cut her loose.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 11, 2010 11:19 AM (pLTLS)

Funny thing is that between 2007 and 2009 the Federal Minimum wage increased along the following trajectory:

Increase of 13.59% to $5.85 - Summer of 2007
Increase of 11.97% to $6.55 - Summer of 2008
Increase of 10.69% to $7.25 - Summer of 2009

The minimum wage going from $5.15 per hour in 2007 to $7.25 per hour in 2009 is an increase of 40.78% makes me wonder exctly what is "real average hourly pay"

Posted by: Strategic Corporal USMC at August 11, 2010 11:20 AM (R2fpr)

69 Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 11, 2010 03:19 PM (pLTLS)

OMG...I thought you were talking about that old lady reporter who got booted.

Posted by: curious at August 11, 2010 11:21 AM (p302b)

70 Make up some worldwide disaster and then try to come up with the best NYT headline or spin.

Zombie hordes over-run Eastern Seaboard; ACORN begins voter registration drive

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at August 11, 2010 11:21 AM (PLvLS)

71 Americans have also rediscovered the joys of dining on canned dog food

That stuff's expensive. But the store-brand dry kibble isn't bad, with a little Val-U-Rite to wash it down.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 11:21 AM (9PzaA)

72 That Chicksaloob thing gives some sweet shade!

Posted by: Dinosaurs at August 11, 2010 11:21 AM (f0UXf)

73 The NYT is so full of shit; and they wonder why their losing readership.

Not worry, their in-house accounting bulletin says "drop in readership slows as total number of subscribers asymptotically approaches zero".

Posted by: Vic at August 11, 2010 11:21 AM (/jbAw)

74 Why have I not seen 1 single article on how the housing slump has helped people that were previously priced ot of the market?.

Posted by: hutch1200 at August 11, 2010 11:21 AM (DzSGc)

75 what is going to happen when people who haven't paid tax since the bush tax cuts kicked in suddenly have a way smaller paycheck?

Bush will be blamed.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 11:22 AM (9PzaA)

15 Only if the GOP is stupid...yeah, I know.

They are given the petard to hoist the Dems on...and they stab themselves with it.

Posted by: unknown jane at August 11, 2010 11:24 AM (5/yRG)

77 Pearl Harbor bombed; extra ships removed from dock.

Posted by: Pinch Sulzberger, cheering for his buddy O. at August 11, 2010 11:24 AM (RD7QR)

78 Off-Topic: Stay Classy, New Hampshire Dems

New Hampshire Democratic activist and State Rep. candidate Keith Halloran wrote in a Facebook post, of the Alaska plane crash, Â“Just wish Sarah and Levy were on board.Â”

Halloran serves on the Rindge, NH Planning Board and is a Democratic candidate for State Representative in Cheshire County.

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at August 11, 2010 11:25 AM (PLvLS)

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 11, 2010 03:19 PM (pLTLS)

The smeared lipstick and eyeliner, the gaping holes in the fishnet stockings, the droopy cigarette and the half empty highball in her hand kind of give away what the old ho has become.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 11:25 AM (RkRxq)

80 Halloran serves on the Rindge, NH Planning Board and is a Democratic candidate for State Representative in Cheshire County.

Will not hurt him at all in NH, which makes me madder than hell that the recent RNC rule change did not shit them out to the rear of the voting bus instead of leaving them in the front.

Posted by: Vic at August 11, 2010 11:27 AM (/jbAw)

81 Kids are still going for top dollar on the open market.

Posted by: Dr Spank at August 11, 2010 11:27 AM (xO+6C)

82 Â“Just wish Sarah and Levy were on board.Â”

Who the hell's "Levy"?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 11:27 AM (9PzaA)

83 the New York Times? They're like, totally still printing that right?

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Pro Debate Squad, And Summoner Of Meteors. at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (eCAn3)

84 96 Kids are still going for top dollar on the open market

How are kidneys going?

Posted by: Y-not is always looking for a back up plan at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (5F4bD)

Falling prices meant that workers who held their jobs received a surprisingly strong effective pay raise.

yes they're correct, the gvt congressional members did get a raise

Posted by: willow at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (SbsTp)

86 If 20% unemployment is about as good for an economy as letting 20% of the air out of your car's tires. Sure it will still drive around but the performance and efficiency will be drastically reduced.

Posted by: HeftyJo at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (+BqEV)

Recession with Benefits

*riiiing*...*riiiiing* Hello?
caller: "Hey, reason? It's me. The Economy."
reason: "Hey, how's it going?"
caller: "Pretty good, pretty good...hey, I know it's kinda late and all...but...um...I wasn't up to anything tonight, and I was wondering what you were up to..."
reason: "Nothing really..."
caller: "Oh. Say, you wanna come over for a bit? Maybe bring some of that wine I really liked that you brought last time? I really liked that wine...really..."

*fade to black*

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (wEYaf)

88 Why have I not seen 1 single article on how the housing slump has helped people that were previously priced ot of the market?.

Posted by: hutch1200 at August 11, 2010 03:21 PM (DzSGc)

Probably because it is evil for you to have the ability to really buy a house without government assistance.

Posted by: CDR M at August 11, 2010 03:23

D'oh. Never considered that angle. Hutch=sub-moran!

Posted by: hutch1200 at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (DzSGc)

89 Here's something, nobody wants to talk about.

I took a screenshot of the U.S. Debt Clock, and trimmed out everything but these two numbers.

Federal Tax Revenue vs. Federal Spending

You can talk about "deficit spending" all day long.. But, until you realize, that the gov't is spending $3 for every $2 it receives, p'haps you don't realize how bad it is.

That spending deficit is hanging over the heads of business, investors, and consumers, like the Sword of Damocles.

Consumers don't want to buy,.. Consumer confidence is down

Businesses don't want to hire.. Unemployment is rising

Investors don't want to invest.. Investor confidence is down.

Without consumers buying, and investors investing, this economy is going nowhere.

And, the sh!tty thing about all of this is,

While EVERY business, big, medium, and small, and EVERY consumer, high, middle, and low, are trying their best to balance THEIR books to keep their heads above water, the gov't does everything it can to f'k up their own books.

Posted by: franksalterego at August 11, 2010 11:28 AM (+6fgE)

90
After seeing that picture on drudge, all those people out there in the heat....what is going to happen when people who haven't paid tax since the bush tax cuts kicked in suddenly have a way smaller paycheck?
Posted by: curious

Democrats will lie about it.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at August 11, 2010 11:29 AM (0fzsA)

91 O/T

You can not make this shit up!

http://tinyurl.com/2g5hxtl

Posted by: Kemp at August 11, 2010 11:30 AM (2+9Yx)

That stuff's expensive. But the store-brand dry kibble isn't bad, with a little Val-U-Rite to wash it down.

On the bright side, my coat is shinier than ever. And my lipstick penis is a shinier, brighter pink.

Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 11:30 AM (aOKEC)

93 Who the hell's "Levy"?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 03:27 PM (9PzaA)

It's where I drove my Chevy, but it was dry.

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Pro Debate Squad, And Summoner Of Meteors. at August 11, 2010 11:30 AM (eCAn3)

94 An elected representative of the American people really said that? Really was that classless and clueless as to wish two people dead in writing?

Posted by: curious at August 11, 2010 11:30 AM (p302b)

95 Sun Extinguished; Scientists Say Effects May Ameliorate Global Warming

Posted by: DarkLordOfTheIntarWebs at August 11, 2010 11:30 AM (IkEhE)

I bet this guy just knocks 'em dead in the gay bars:

http://tinyurl.com/2don62k

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 11:32 AM (RkRxq)

97 How are kidneys going?

I believe Dick Cheney has cornered the organ market.

Posted by: Dr Spank at August 11, 2010 11:32 AM (xO+6C)

98 Sun Extinguished: Scientists Say May Benefit Skin Cancer Risk

Posted by: dfbaskwill at August 11, 2010 11:32 AM (usjNq)

99 PHNOM PHEN: While the Khmer Rouge have instituted a political orthodoxy that is unusually severe, their execution methods have been hailed by many environmental groups. The regime's widepsread use of farming implements to mutilate their opponents is seen as remarkably Earth-friendly compared to carbon-spewing pistol shots, and leaving the corpses in the fields yields extra environmental dividends by fertilizing the area without use of often toxic chemicals.

Posted by: The New York Times at August 11, 2010 11:33 AM (QKKT0)

100 Giant Asteroid On Collision Course With Earth; Bunker Building Futures Skyrocket

Posted by: DarkLordOfTheIntarWebs at August 11, 2010 11:33 AM (IkEhE)

101 Someone call me?

Time to buy, just like my Joo friend Weinsteen said on CNBC today at lunch.

"Uncle joey could I have that nose full of nickels?"

Little Rascals, 1938.

Posted by: Palin Steele at August 11, 2010 11:34 AM (2+9Yx)

102

That's funny, it's still on here in VA.

Posted by: CDR M at August 11, 2010 03:33 PM (5I8G0)

takes 8 minutes for the light to get here. wait for it

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Pro Debate Squad, And Summoner Of Meteors. at August 11, 2010 11:35 AM (eCAn3)

103 Dow Drops 5000 points! Historic Buying Opportunity Experts Say.

Posted by: Mr. Barky at August 11, 2010 11:35 AM (qwK3S)

104 An elected representative of the American people really said that? Really was that classless and clueless as to wish two people dead in writing?

Wasn't the first time, won't be the last.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 11, 2010 11:35 AM (9PzaA)

105 I find it hard to see where people are paying down thier debt.I see alot more brand new cars on the road now more than ever.I'ts more like trading old debt for new. I drive around in a 2000Jetta with 300'000 miles on it.When it dies I'll get another used one and drive that one till the wheels fall off. I'ts bad enough with a mortgage hanging over your head.Why add to it with something that will never retain it's value and to top it off the value of it drops a couple thousand right off the lot.

Posted by: ziptie at August 11, 2010 11:36 AM (lLS3Y)

106 I suppose we could try to stuff this in the already filled-to-bursting file cabinet labeled "MSM Articles That Would Never Have Seen The Light Of Day If John McCain Were President Today", eh?

Pravda on the Hudson can't go bankrupt fast enough to make me happy.

Posted by: DocJ at August 11, 2010 11:36 AM (dt6br)

107 "Journolist Group uncovers evidence of a vast right wing conspiracy"

(it's a faux headline)

Posted by: curious at August 11, 2010 11:36 AM (p302b)

108 123 8 minutes to get here? Damn, lightspeed is over rated.

Posted by: CDR M at August 11, 2010 03:36 PM (5I8G0)

yeah it's only ninety three million miles, wtf?

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Pro Debate Squad, And Summoner Of Meteors. at August 11, 2010 11:37 AM (eCAn3)

109

It's not all great, Ace. When unemployment is low, labor is a seller's market; when it's like it is now, it's a buyer's market. In boom times, a promotion means a raise. Nowadays, it means a lucky worker gets to keep his job and take on more responsibilities.

Other than that, it's the cat's meow. As I'm still working, I'm starting to call it the Beeskneescession.

Posted by: FireHorse at August 11, 2010 11:38 AM (cQyWA)

110 Chinese peasants ecstatic over chance to learn basic metallurgy!

Posted by: The New York Times at August 11, 2010 11:38 AM (f0UXf)

111 LOL! Could've been worse and they could've spelled Skoal.

They would have to paint a tobacco warning if they did that!

Posted by: Kemp at August 11, 2010 11:38 AM (2+9Yx)

112 You can not make this shit up!

http://tinyurl.com/2g5hxtl

I like how the libs in the comments immediately jump to claim it's the result of homeschooling, even though actual data says the opposite. They have to slam people who try to escape their indoctrination machine every chance they get.

Posted by: Ian S. at August 11, 2010 11:38 AM (p05LM)

113

OT: What's for dinner tonight? Dammit! 2 year-old leftovers again?

Girlfriend of French chef whose body was found in freezer is taken into custody - Sky News http://bit.ly/chSe56

The body of an acclaimed French chef has been found hidden in a freezer - two years after he went missing.

Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at August 11, 2010 11:38 AM (YVZlY)

114

Supreme Court affirms NAMBLA discrimination lawsuit; Assures diversity in primary schools.

Posted by: Mr. Barky at August 11, 2010 11:39 AM (qwK3S)

115

yeah it's only ninety three million miles, wtf?

Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Pro Debate Squad, And Summoner Of Meteors. at August 11, 2010 03:37 PM (eCAn3)

Only one AU. I can do that in my Nova.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 11:39 AM (RkRxq)

116 Iran Detonates Nuclear Warhead over Israel; Palestineans Agree to New Borders

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 11:40 AM (wEYaf)

117 Ghey flight attendant jumps from plane to keep beer cold!

Posted by: NY Times Travel Editor at August 11, 2010 11:43 AM (2+9Yx)

118 Barack Obama Declares Himself Global Emperor; Voter Fraud Claims Reach Record Low

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 11:43 AM (wEYaf)

119 #133 Only one AU. I can do that in my Nova.

pshaw. I made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Beat that!

Posted by: Han Solo at August 11, 2010 11:44 AM (9hSKh)

120 If the NYT has any great ideas how I can spend the entire summer down at the shore, while magically still paying my kids college bills, I will be willing to become a "Zombie Democrat"

Posted by: Neo at August 11, 2010 11:44 AM (tE8FB)

121 Heinz Doofenschmirtz Pulls Giant Stopper in Ocean Floor; Centuries-Old Dispute Over Existence of Atlantis May Soon be Put to Rest

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 11:45 AM (wEYaf)

122 I question this whole premise, personally. The stuff I want to buy remains costly. You'd think by now that a man could afford a fine young mistress - unemployed and straight out of community college. But I have seen no easing in price pressures in that market.

Posted by: Reactionary at August 11, 2010 11:46 AM (xUM1Q)

123 Record Atlantean cruise bookings indicate strong tourist season ahead!

Posted by: The New York Times at August 11, 2010 11:47 AM (f0UXf)

124 Obama Abolishes Constitution, Mandates New, Faster Speed For Light

Posted by: DarkLordOfTheIntarWebs at August 11, 2010 11:47 AM (IkEhE)

125 Flood waters bury farmland under 6 feet of water; drought finally over!

Posted by: New York Times - Farm Edition at August 11, 2010 11:48 AM (YVZlY)

126 Fuenmployment map - animated. Entertain your friends and neighbors for hours as you wait for high unemployment to hit the Washington, DC area.

Posted by: downsized upscale at August 11, 2010 11:48 AM (UATCA)

127 What's with the 404 - try that again.

Posted by: downsized upscale at August 11, 2010 11:49 AM (UATCA)

128

The body of an acclaimed French chef has been found hidden in a freezer - two years after he went missing.

Dude's dedication while playing a game of tag is impressive.

Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 11:49 AM (aOKEC)

129 Record Atlantean cruise bookings indicate strong tourist season ahead!

Atlantis Rises; Officials Indicate New Trade, Tourism Opportunities Abound

Atlantis: Investor's New Frontier

Mapmakers Report Demand For New Products

Posted by: DarkLordOfTheIntarWebs at August 11, 2010 11:50 AM (IkEhE)

130 Reactionary, have you looked at armless mannequins? I hear they're all the rage now in public parks near a church.

Posted by: CDR M at August 11, 2010 03:48 PM (5I8G0)

No way, man. My mannequins must have arms. I have standards.

Posted by: Reactionary at August 11, 2010 11:51 AM (xUM1Q)

131
I don't know why Americans are carping about a bad economy? Just because a few hundred thousand members of the proletariat are out of work doesn't mean it's bad for everyone.

Some of us were smart enough to become billionaires, and we believe everyone has the opportunity to lie and steal to reach the pinnacle of success.

As Leona Helmsley famously said, "only the little people pay taxes", and I believe Leona, a great piece of ass by the way, was correct about the twerps.

Posted by: George Soros at August 11, 2010 11:53 AM (v1gw3)

132 Alien Invasion from Zurg Imminent; Polls Show Economy Now 2^nd in List of Key Issues for 2010 Elections

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 11:53 AM (wEYaf)

133 No way, man. My mannequins must have arms. I have standards.

(sniff) (sob)

Posted by: Venud de Milo at August 11, 2010 11:53 AM (wOGfT)

134 #152 No way, man. My mannequins must have arms. I have standards.

Beggars can't be choosers, friend.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 11, 2010 11:54 AM (9hSKh)

135 THE OCEANS HAVE TURNED INTO BLOOD: VAMPIRE HUNGER AT AN ALL-TIME LOW

Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 11:56 AM (aOKEC)

136 156 #152 No way, man. My mannequins must have arms. I have standards.

Beggars can't be choosers, friend.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 11, 2010 03:54 PM (9hSKh)

Wait. Wha?

Posted by: a homelss guy at Interstate exit with sign "will work for manequin with arms" at August 11, 2010 11:58 AM (YVZlY)

137

Mallamutt - I only watch because of my children.

Yeah. That's it. "The children."

*turns down his headphones so no one can hear him listening to Luv Handel*

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 11:59 AM (kC3nL)

138 MENSTRUAL CYCLES SUDDENLY STOP: NO ONE WONDERS "WHATCHA THINKING?"

Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 11:59 AM (aOKEC)

139

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Appear; Democratic Strategiests Facing Tough Election Cycle Breathe Collective Sigh of Relief

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 12:02 PM (kC3nL)

140 From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the Continent.

The French are with us though!

Posted by: Winston Churchill at August 11, 2010 12:02 PM (f0UXf)

141 "Global economy crashes; malnurition and civil unrest claims millions -- Scientists declare greenhouse gas emissions no longer a threat to the planet."

Posted by: unknown jane at August 11, 2010 12:03 PM (5/yRG)

142

FISH EXTINCT! NOW VAGINA ONLY SMELLS LIKE VAGINA

Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 12:05 PM (aOKEC)

143 MALE-TARGETED SUPERVIRUS PANDEMIC REACHES 100% INFECTION! Symptoms Include Squeaky Voice, Complete Loss of Hair and Body Fat. Mary Matlin: "It's like I've died and gone to heaven!"

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 12:09 PM (kC3nL)

144

Goddammit, gator...

The UN is gonna put sanctions on you for enriching weapons-grade funny like that.

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 12:12 PM (kC3nL)

145

Massive Tsunami Obliterates New York; Greg Gutfeld's "The Twelve-Inch Imam" Finally Closed

(From the liberal perspective, that would truly be lemonade from lemons.)

Posted by: reason at August 11, 2010 12:19 PM (kC3nL)

146 166 I'm still trying to shake the mental image of an alligator with a dog wee-wee.

Posted by: unknown jane at August 11, 2010 12:21 PM (5/yRG)

147 "New super bacteria only disfigures pretty women -- Jeanene Garafalo to finally wed."

Posted by: unknown jane at August 11, 2010 12:23 PM (5/yRG)

148

"Unemployment reaches all time high of 40% -- Americans now enjoying more free time."

I think this one has already been done.

Posted by: unknown jane at August 11, 2010 12:25 PM (5/yRG)

149 Flesh-Eating Bacteria Epidemic Answers Prayers of Frustrated Dieters.

Posted by: Cicero at August 11, 2010 12:42 PM (QKKT0)

150 Like Dan Akroid's Carter saying "inflation is our friend "

Posted by: avi at August 11, 2010 12:43 PM (izuF0)

151 Beggars can't be choosers, friend.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 11, 2010 03:54 PM (9hSKh)

Who's begging? I think we're getting off track with this armed vs. armless mannequin thing... Just 'cuz I'm not offering a fortune doesn't mean I'm not willing to pay. Yet there are no nubile young females eager to serve my various whims. It all seems so unjust.

Posted by: Reactionary at August 11, 2010 12:45 PM (xUM1Q)

152 That bastard Bush and his 5.4% unemployment rate! Only Paul Krugman can save you now.

Posted by: andycanuck at August 11, 2010 01:15 PM (rfHsm)

153 The hits just keep on coming.

Posted by: Gerry at August 11, 2010 03:47 PM (wogsO)

154 LAW OF GRAVITY REPEALED. GRANNY BOTOX AND HARRY REID'S WRINKLES DISAPPEAR!

Posted by: torabora at August 11, 2010 03:51 PM (RRDdE)

155 175 Thehits just keep on coming.

Posted by: Gerry at August 11, 2010 07:47 PM (wogsO)

Well when you have a collection of rapacious kleptocrats like those in Bell, Ca. that lose their $million dollar jobs, it's going to affect the averages.

Posted by: torabora at August 11, 2010 03:54 PM (RRDdE)

156 simple arithmetic...average wages are going up because people at the bottom of the wage scale are getting laid off. Suppose the economy has three workers; one making $10 per hour, one $20per hour; and one $30 (the average is $20). Now the economy turns bad and the $10 per hour guy gets laid off. Without any raises, the new average wage is $25 per hour, or 25% more than previously, even though nobody got a raise!!!

Posted by: dale at August 11, 2010 08:09 PM (YQdES)

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