February 23, 2010
— LauraW I've been going through the Weird News stuff and nothing is jumping out and goosing me. Work is slow as can be. It's snowing and feels a lot like a Friday. Drew has taken over the blog and frankly I'm sick of listening to his shit.
So I declare fuckin' war on you filth.
Are there any among you people who can craft a jibe witty enough to bring a smile to even this jaded hunchback's warty lip?
Hidden among you chortling imbeciles and twitchy clowns are a few Morons with more than one neuron to rub together, I'm told.
But naturally I doubt it. The funniest comments threads on this blog lately are the ones where at about 2 am one of you whispers 'peeenis,' and everybody else guffaws and giggles snot into their tapioca.
Yeah, I'm calling out the Overnight Thread. Holeeee Shit. I haven't seen such a collection of bristly mutants since those college fruit fly experiments.
Let me distill this for you: You all suck.
Bite me.
Posted by: LauraW at
12:05 PM
| Comments (466)
Post contains 181 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: MAJ O at February 23, 2010 12:08 PM (Hz5Gk)
Posted by: This is lolboner at February 23, 2010 12:09 PM (jVldi)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:09 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: This is lolboner at February 23, 2010 12:10 PM (jVldi)
Fruit flies obsessed with designer shoes?
Posted by: HeatherRadish at February 23, 2010 12:10 PM (mR7mk)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:10 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: ArcticBoy at February 23, 2010 12:11 PM (4fc2a)
Ok Bitch, here is the punchline, you tell the joke;
My name? My name is Tonto, Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba...
Posted by: Sgt. Fury at February 23, 2010 12:11 PM (CVZGO)
Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, and Buckets of Scorn for the Left at February 23, 2010 12:12 PM (erIg9)
Posted by: John Shuster at February 23, 2010 12:12 PM (HAdov)
(lets get that CT shindig off the ground, my dear Igor!)
Posted by: DTin CT at February 23, 2010 12:12 PM (s0bX5)
Many of us "experimented" in college, but most of us at least kept it within our own species.
But beggars can't be choosers, I suppose, and it's well known that lauraw attracts flies.
Posted by: sandy burger at February 23, 2010 12:13 PM (MT+0i)
Don't forget the tip jar!
Posted by: shibumi at February 23, 2010 12:13 PM (OKZrE)
>> where at about 2 am one of you whispers 'peeenis
Only a girl would say penis.
Why'd you say it?
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 23, 2010 12:13 PM (WvXvd)
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 12:14 PM (0Hn5w)
Posted by: Fritz at February 23, 2010 12:14 PM (GwPRU)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:14 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, and Buckets of Scorn for the Left at February 23, 2010 12:14 PM (erIg9)
"My life is over. Nothing will ever happen to me again."
Oh...woe is you...
Posted by: Warren Bonesteel at February 23, 2010 12:15 PM (oeESr)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:15 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Steamboat McGoo at February 23, 2010 12:15 PM (/cH23)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:15 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: grognard at February 23, 2010 12:15 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: Jackie Mackey Passy Paisley at February 23, 2010 12:15 PM (YCVBL)
Posted by: John Shuster at February 23, 2010 04:12 PM (HAdov)
You do suck. Go back to Minnesota. Oh and next Olympics, stay the hell away.
Posted by: Steve L. at February 23, 2010 12:16 PM (Gkhxf)
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 12:16 PM (0Hn5w)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 04:15 PM (AZGON)
nobody's interested in hearing you bitch about your elephantiasis of the groin. again.
Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, and Buckets of Scorn for the Left at February 23, 2010 12:16 PM (erIg9)
Posted by: rawmuse at February 23, 2010 12:17 PM (rwwIb)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 04:15 PM (bJm7W)
No, and you are all ugly. You want to know how ugly? We can't tell if your hats blew off or your pants fell down...
Posted by: Sgt. Fury at February 23, 2010 12:17 PM (CVZGO)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:17 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: CSMBigBird at February 23, 2010 12:17 PM (dII8k)
I had a couple of comebacks in mind, but then I thought, "Geez, if she's this fired up before the name calling even starts, wait till someone else throws a punch. The woman is liable to send a suitcase nuke back via e-mail."
You go, Laura.
Posted by: RM at February 23, 2010 12:18 PM (1kwr2)
I had a couple of comebacks in mind, but then I thought, "Geez, if she's this fired up before the name calling even starts, wait till someone else throws a punch. The woman is liable to send a suitcase nuke back via e-mail."
You go, Laura.
Posted by: RM at February 23, 2010 04:18 PM (1kwr2)
pussy.
Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, and Buckets of Scorn for the Left at February 23, 2010 12:18 PM (erIg9)
The next topic will be a clipshow of AoSHQ's Greatest Threads.
Then a video of Ace jumping a pool of sharks will go up.
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 12:18 PM (fx8sm)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:19 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 12:19 PM (0Hn5w)
Posted by: Dr. Spank at February 23, 2010 12:19 PM (0FiCa)
On the spit/swallow controversy, I'd prefer you swallow. But I'm not hard over on that.
Posted by: Randall Hoven at February 23, 2010 12:20 PM (XBuIV)
Posted by: spongeworthy at February 23, 2010 12:20 PM (rplL3)
Posted by: Joe Plugs at February 23, 2010 12:20 PM (YCVBL)
Blow out you your shampoo bottle sized cornhole, monkey spank.
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 12:20 PM (0Hn5w)
Posted by: caunotacarius at February 23, 2010 12:20 PM (7IDY+)
"An intelligence source downplayed the capture of the Taliban’s No 2, stating: “It sounds like a big deal until you remember that our No. 2 is Biden.”"
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 12:21 PM (fx8sm)
36 Is anyone besides me having problems being civil to people that STILL have Obama bumper stickers on their cars? And, by being civil I mean, not dragging them in to the street and pummeling the place where their brains used to be?
I thought so...
Rawmuse, I just loves driving up alongside, motioning for them to lower their window and then ask: "How's that hopy-changy thing working out for you so far?"
So far three have gotten out of their car...as I drive off.
The rest all just set there in a purple faced screaming rage (usually looks a lot like Slick Willie whnen he get's mad) when I say "Thought so...." as I roll up my window......
Posted by: Just a Cynic... at February 23, 2010 12:21 PM (v4UYp)
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 12:22 PM (0Hn5w)
Posted by: arhooley at February 23, 2010 12:22 PM (0wGeU)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:23 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Spad13 at February 23, 2010 12:23 PM (RYJu6)
Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at February 23, 2010 12:23 PM (30xKW)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 12:23 PM (UMwMT)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:24 PM (AZGON)
That's right, all those shoe worshiping shoe lovers what wear stompy boots put the UNT in the ONT.
Posted by: Atomic Roach at February 23, 2010 12:24 PM (Oxen1)
so why do I have to drink5 of them just to get a good buzz going? I'm tired of your weak sauce,.
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 12:24 PM (0Hn5w)
---------------------
NOPE. I spit on every one I see. I hock a big, phlegmy, loogie right on the car.
I'm probably not setting a good example for my kids, but.... fuck it.
Posted by: caunotacarius at February 23, 2010 12:24 PM (7IDY+)
Does an Ace 'o Spades moron shit in the woods?
Posted by: The Highland Pipes at February 23, 2010 12:25 PM (LnLo7)
70 caunotacarius NOPE. I spit on every [car with O sticker] I see. I hock a big, phlegmy, loogie right on the car.
Dude, quit that. It's unsanitary.
Now where am I supposed to find a place to take a dump?
Posted by: Zimriel at February 23, 2010 12:26 PM (9Sbz+)
Posted by: Dick Morris at February 23, 2010 12:26 PM (AZGON)
Don't blame me, I voted for LaRouche.
Posted by: ArcticBoy at February 23, 2010 04:22 PM (4fc2a)
Nobel Peace Prize: They Don't Just Give Those Things out, Ya Know
or maybe
Come On, He's Not That Much Worse Than Carter
Posted by: WalrusRex at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (xxgag)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (UMwMT)
Did I forget to mention humps?
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 04:24 PM (AZGON)
Could you repeat the question again? I'm a little slow.
Posted by: ONT moron at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (Vu6sl)
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (p302b)
Posted by: Phinn at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (Go7Wj)
I just walk up to the side of the Prius, reach down and tip it over. See how many times I can get it to roll.
My record is three.
Posted by: CUS at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (wOGfT)
Why doesn't LauraW dance ballet?
boom-t-boom-t-boom
Because when she does the splits she sticks to the floor
old one.
Posted by: Vic at February 23, 2010 12:27 PM (QrA9E)
Posted by: CSMBigBird at February 23, 2010 12:28 PM (dII8k)
Will the last conservative site on the web please turn off the pingbacks?
Posted by: Gerry at February 23, 2010 12:28 PM (/SQ0y)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 04:24 PM (AZGON)
Female shoes are narcissistic and misogynistic. Guns are cool, and the winter olympics suck. Nerds on the ONT can't get pussy, and there are some really intelligent but insecure people on the ONT, including me.
Posted by: Samuel Adams at February 23, 2010 12:28 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: Bugler at February 23, 2010 12:28 PM (YCVBL)
Posted by: Hairy Rede at February 23, 2010 12:29 PM (8zQxF)
Two miles up the road, he's stuck behind some slower moving cars. I'm still doing my comfortable speed, and I go right by him.
Two miles after that, he's right back on my ass again. So, I pull up alongside another car, slow down to his speed, and keep that bastard behind me for the next 15 miles.
By the time he gets by me, he's so pissed off, that he guns it, immediately starts to fishtail, and ends up in the ditch.
I. Laughed. So. Fucking. Hard.
Posted by: grognard at February 23, 2010 12:29 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:29 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Tim at February 23, 2010 12:29 PM (xq7pr)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 12:29 PM (UMwMT)
Drew has taken over the blog and frankly I'm sick of listening to his shit.
A problem for which a rather simple cure exists. Stop reading the blog. Get out and do something interesting. In short, get a life.
So I declare fuckin' war on you filth.
Wow, haven't been this scared since that squirrel gave me a dirty look. Gosh, how terribly frightening. So since this war is internet driven and you've in essence threatened to kick my butt, can I expect you to be emailing me your foot anytime soon?
Are there any among you people who can craft a jibe witty enough to bring a smile to even this jaded hunchback's warty lip?
Apparently not. Yes, your far too superior for us. You may move along now, content in the knowledge of your own superiority. Nothing to see here.
Let me distill this for you: You all suck. Bite me.
And if this is a sample of your wit, well, I guess there's not much point in starting a war if you happen to be aboard the bridge of the battleship Missouri and the people aboard the good ship lollipop are tossing candy canes at you and shaking their fists.
So allow me to provide you with some distilled spirits you can take with you when you return to the depths on inanity from whence you came. Grow up. Get a life. And if all else fails, go pick on somebody on your own intellectual level. I would suggest the Huffington post as a good place to start.
Posted by: Redneck Klingon at February 23, 2010 12:30 PM (e8T35)
Posted by: Doctor Amy "Effin" Bishop at February 23, 2010 12:30 PM (Vu6sl)
Posted by: Mortis at February 23, 2010 12:30 PM (QjuDE)
Posted by: ParamusParamus at February 23, 2010 12:30 PM (flcpl)
You all disgust me. I am a lesser person for having been here today.
Posted by: Reverend Darkness at February 23, 2010 12:31 PM (43Hl9)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:31 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Andi Sullivan at February 23, 2010 12:31 PM (YCVBL)
Don't blame me, I voted for LaRouche.
Posted by: ArcticBoy at February 23, 2010 04:22 PM (4fc2a)
Nobel Peace Prize: They Don't Just Give Those Things out, Ya Know
or maybe
Come On, He's Not That Much Worse Than Carter-------------------
He's Still Cool and Black
Posted by: arhooley at February 23, 2010 12:31 PM (0wGeU)
Isn't this sort of what that other blog did? And all its regular posters, having been wholly insulted came here. Probably replaced by the people who own the blog writing all the posts so they could be bought out? So is that what is going on? We have to leave so Ace can sell the blog?
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 12:32 PM (p302b)
Posted by: MichaelW at February 23, 2010 12:32 PM (LUyeU)
Posted by: rawmuse at February 23, 2010 12:33 PM (rwwIb)
Posted by: rightzilla at February 23, 2010 12:33 PM (rVJH4)
Posted by: WalrusRex at February 23, 2010 12:33 PM (xxgag)
Posted by: England Dan & John Ford Cooley at February 23, 2010 12:33 PM (dP6Ky)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:34 PM (AZGON)
I hate those fucking retards.
Posted by: Rahm Emmanuel at February 23, 2010 12:34 PM (aVzyR)
Oh, you fuckers are asking for it now! Seriously, I will call each and every one of you bastards out until one of you decides to take me back.
Because I love you all and I need you (in a platonic way.)
I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU!!!!!
Call me?
Posted by: Amy Steele at February 23, 2010 12:35 PM (tWf3S)
From what I understand, that's where lauraw spends most of her time anyway.
Posted by: grognard at February 23, 2010 12:35 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: taylork at February 23, 2010 04:24 PM (0Hn5w)
Cause you are drinking my Samuel Adams beer pisses that I have left in the bottles when I have ran out of space to urinate and refused to urinate on the last remaining female journalist majors. Trust me, they have drink enough of my urine. Katie Couric thinks mine tastes better than Capri-sun. Rachel Maddow thinks mine tastes better than...well... Charlie Gibson's.
Posted by: Samuel Adams at February 23, 2010 12:35 PM (nxUYP)
BTW I know who really shot JFK. The son of a bitch shot himself.
Posted by: Crusty at February 23, 2010 12:35 PM (GvSpB)
Posted by: Keith Ohlbermann at February 23, 2010 12:35 PM (CfmlF)
I have to admit that that made me guffaw and giggle snot into my rice pudding. (Rice pudding being the meta-equivalent of tapioca)
Posted by: progressoverpeace at February 23, 2010 12:36 PM (A46hP)
From what I understand, that's where lauraw spends most of her time anyway.
Move over Cindy She-hen, meet Laura Chicken W--America's new ditch witch.
Posted by: runningrn at February 23, 2010 12:37 PM (CfmlF)
Redneck Klingon at February 23, 2010 04:30 PM (e8T35)
n00b?
Oh yeah. And you know what THAT means.
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 12:37 PM (fx8sm)
I saw one the other day that said 'Jesus was a liberal'. Lime green VW bug. It's in a ditch now.
Posted by: Tami at February 23, 2010 12:37 PM (VuLos)
Posted by: Doctor Amy Bishop at February 23, 2010 12:37 PM (YCVBL)
I have to admit that that made me guffaw and giggle snot into my rice pudding. (Rice pudding being the meta-equivalent of tapioca)
At least you didn't shoot rice pudding out of your nostrils! (That always burns!)
Posted by: runningrn at February 23, 2010 12:38 PM (CfmlF)
That depends... if you are, you've probably been picked free of peanut bits by Noah.
Posted by: The Highland Pipes at February 23, 2010 12:38 PM (LnLo7)
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 12:38 PM (Xj4m3)
Posted by: Redneck Klingon at February 23, 2010 04:30 PM (e8T35)
Did anyone here order an "asshole"?
Seriously douchbag, are you here just to make Drew look like less of a prick?
Posted by: Jim in San Diego at February 23, 2010 12:38 PM (F09Uo)
Yes, Operation Piss Off A Commie is in effect. It's even more fun when I drive to Ithaca, but not tonight.
Later, morons!
Posted by: grognard at February 23, 2010 12:39 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: TexasJew at February 23, 2010 12:39 PM (W/00U)
Don't see the point in mistreating folks with Obama bumper stickers, and I don't think much of those of you who do. It's not polite to pick on the kids on the short bus and even you bunch of gangly, greasy, goathumpers should be able to manage that level of decency.
Well, except for Humpy, but we all she's a worthless, pucillanimous, discontented, carbuncular, scum-guzzling hag.
Oh, and you all probably voted for Obama, too.
Posted by: SlightlyAjar at February 23, 2010 12:39 PM (oqVXp)
if you are, you've probably been picked free of peanut bits by Noah.
Knew he was useful for something. Nobody can be THAT much of a waste of skin... excepting humpgirl, of course.
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 12:39 PM (fx8sm)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:40 PM (bJm7W)
Oh for the sake of all that is holy, LAuraW, here is $20, please keep your boobs covered!!!
Posted by: England Dan & John Ford Cooley at February 23, 2010 12:40 PM (dP6Ky)
Posted by: Lyndon Johnson. at February 23, 2010 12:40 PM (nxUYP)
I like my "Who Is John Galt?" sticker. Several Tea Partiers have commented on it. I don't think anyone else knows what it is.
A more useful question:: "Where is Galt's Gulch?"
Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at February 23, 2010 12:40 PM (30xKW)
Ace comes back from where ever and declares posts pictures of his rad new bicycle
which you all stoopidly drool over for days.
Posted by: Atomic Roach at February 23, 2010 12:40 PM (Oxen1)
Posted by: runningrn at February 23, 2010 12:40 PM (CfmlF)
Posted by: joncelli at February 23, 2010 12:41 PM (RD7QR)
Ahem.
Posted by: Ace of Spades HQ Archiver at February 23, 2010 12:41 PM (qjKko)
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas. And humpy-back women.
Oh, and fuck all you steaming heaps of pus-filled lil' debbie swiss cakes who think this blog is dead or dying. Kiss my pimply butt all you "in johnny cum latelies" and go back to the dark hole of 2003 you crawled out of. Bigger piss pails than you have taken dumps around here and it has survived.
Michael, Ace needs another TV.
Posted by: Tom M at February 23, 2010 12:41 PM (i0rVe)
No, it's likely the product of incest.
Probably her cousin-daddies.
Posted by: nickless at February 23, 2010 12:41 PM (MMC8r)
People were ever civil to supporters of the Indonesian Imbecile? I always took the "I will not suffer fools gladly" attitude with the fools.
Posted by: progressoverpeace at February 23, 2010 12:42 PM (A46hP)
One of the great accomplishments of this administration is our ability to gather here, as a group, and declare that, Laura, it would be great IF YOU WOULD GET US A SAMMICH. And maybe a Snapple.
Now, be a good little Horta lookalike and make with the sammiching.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 23, 2010 12:42 PM (B+qrE)
Posted by: ParamusParamus at February 23, 2010 12:42 PM (flcpl)
Once again, The Telcommunications Workers of America and AT&T both suck giant green infected lauraw balls.
That is all.
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 12:42 PM (fx8sm)
Posted by: TexasJew at February 23, 2010 04:39 PM (W/00U)
Leave him alone, he's such a pussy that I am fucking him like a man should. I think, Bernie help me.
Posted by: Elton John at February 23, 2010 12:42 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 12:42 PM (Xj4m3)
Posted by: TexasJew at February 23, 2010 12:43 PM (W/00U)
Poor Cheney had a mild heart attack.
And Death decided it would be a good time to take a vacation.
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 12:43 PM (fx8sm)
Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at February 23, 2010 12:43 PM (2QFX4)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:43 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Symbionese Liberation Army at February 23, 2010 12:43 PM (QKKT0)
Poor Cheney had a mild heart attack.
Link or info? This low-rent website is about the only one that works for me right now.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at February 23, 2010 12:44 PM (pLTLS)
This was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
<FLAME ON> Everything Sucks.
Posted by: mydemonsdriveon at February 23, 2010 12:44 PM (br6x9)
Posted by: arhooley at February 23, 2010 12:45 PM (0wGeU)
Posted by: David Brooks at February 23, 2010 12:46 PM (C39a6)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:47 PM (AZGON)
Did you know that if he dies this week, he would have equaled my abortion total for the week. Look, I don't like abortions, but what do you do when your pussy is like a Dyson sucking up all that sperm. What do you Rethuglicans want me to do, stop having sex with NBA basketball teams after a tough road loss. Fucking Christianist breeders.
Posted by: Amanda Marcotte. at February 23, 2010 12:47 PM (nxUYP)
AoSHQ...Where the dead horse meets the echo chamber.
ok it sucks but the previous loose shit sucks too!
Posted by: dananjcon at February 23, 2010 12:47 PM (pr+up)
Cheney tests showed evidence of mild heart attack
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 12:48 PM (p302b)
Posted by: Elton John at February 23, 2010 04:42 PM (nxUYP)
This thread sucks, so, OK, here's one of my best-known jokes:
What would you get if you crossed a Sabre-tooth Tiger with Sir Elton John:
Answer: I don't know, but you sure wouldn't want it near your ass!
Thank you, you're a beautiful audience...
Posted by: Neil Hamburger, America's Funnyman at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (W/00U)
Posted by: Cicero at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (QKKT0)
Dear Sir,
Please be advised that hypertrichiasis, while incurable, is managable. Simply get yourself 20 pac of bic razors and a can of shaving cream.
Up Yours, Sincerely
A moron
Posted by: Joe at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (rf1Kd)
Posted by: Fritz at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (GwPRU)
Posted by: Mallamutt at February 23, 2010 04:47 PM (V9SYy)"
that would be funny. Like on those sites where you have "guest" or "anonymous"
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (p302b)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Fresh Air at February 23, 2010 12:49 PM (5eTMk)
Posted by: gus at February 23, 2010 12:50 PM (Vqruj)
Sorta wish he'd come out and ask. I like grovelling.
Posted by: lorien1973 at February 23, 2010 12:50 PM (IhQuA)
Posted by: paper sack at February 23, 2010 12:50 PM (pWoyq)
This thread makes the ONT look like the Algonquin Round Table.
There is your winner.Yeah, that's a winner if your a cliquish girly man or hairy backed female.
Posted by: the ont sucks at February 23, 2010 12:50 PM (cpuvG)
Posted by: penis word police at February 23, 2010 12:51 PM (rVJH4)
Posted by: Matt at February 23, 2010 12:51 PM (J3jFV)
Succulent sweet flesh
Falling like cherry blossoms
Morons are assholes
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 12:51 PM (Dxfei)
Posted by: Fresh Air at February 23, 2010 12:51 PM (5eTMk)
Negro please!!!!!!You fuck my rectum and never give me a Mocha Latte? How dare you. Fuck the Stockholm shit, I'm outta here and I guarantee Ford will give me a break assholes.
Posted by: Patty Hearst. at February 23, 2010 12:51 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: Crusty at February 23, 2010 12:52 PM (GvSpB)
Posted by: Sharmuta at February 23, 2010 12:52 PM (YCVBL)
Wanna go down to the crick n skinnydip?
Posted by: Dick at February 23, 2010 12:52 PM (toLtB)
Posted by: England Dan & John Ford Cooley at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (dP6Ky)
Posted by: Lace Wigs On Fire Oh The Pain at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (ERJIu)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: nickless at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (MMC8r)
"since Ace has been gone, lets talk in the singular voice and today, we are all Ace. "
Banhammer or apology tour?
Posted by: you're askin' for it at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (ucq49)
Posted by: Amanda Marcock at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (QMtmy)
lauraW seems a bit off her feed. Maybe she needs an Amy Bishop SMACKDOWN!
Posted by: rightzilla at February 23, 2010 12:53 PM (rVJH4)
Posted by: MikeO at February 23, 2010 12:54 PM (lBmZl)
Hey, here's a flame: How about one of the AoS administrators actually doing some goddamn work and putting up a post about something of interest. This is flame-war stuff is not only immature, it's profoundly lazy. Postal-worker lazy.
There's absolutely nothing you can write about this afternoon? Why not just close the blog down and hang out a "Gone Fishin'" sign? Seriously, this is TOTALLY unacceptable. It's chickenshit, not chocolate pudding.
Fuckin' - A right!
This blog is in full crisis mode and these turds are playing games.
Posted by: This is lolboner at February 23, 2010 12:54 PM (jVldi)
So, he is now of the body?
Posted by: MikeO at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (lBmZl)
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (p302b)
Posted by: HeatherRadish at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (mR7mk)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (AZGON)
There's absolutely nothing you can write about this afternoon? Why not just close the blog down and hang out a "Gone Fishin'" sign? Seriously, this is TOTALLY unacceptable. It's chickenshit, not chocolate pudding.
Posted by: Fresh Air at February 23, 2010 04:49 PM (5eTMk)
Eh...I'm a generation X-er...this is as fast and efficiently as I can operate, {BIG YAWN} sorry.
Posted by: dananjcon at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (pr+up)
Whatever Ebert wears is, de facto, a clownsuit.
Posted by: nickless at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (MMC8r)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:55 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Chewie Lewis at February 23, 2010 12:56 PM (QMtmy)
I'll let you know when I am finished with his jaw asshole.
Posted by: David Brooks at February 23, 2010 12:56 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 12:56 PM (UMwMT)
Don't talk about your mommy that way. She told me you were a loser the day you were born.
Posted by: the ont sucks at February 23, 2010 12:56 PM (cpuvG)
Posted by: Waterhouse at February 23, 2010 12:57 PM (bbn3s)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 12:57 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: ChicagoJedi at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (WZFkG)
Posted by: Dorothy Parker at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (YCVBL)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (UMwMT)
If Roger Ebert badmouths Sarah Palin on more time I'll break his jaw. Assuming I can steal it from the bio-waste containers outside the hospital.
That made me laugh. I'll get you for that.
Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (ERJIu)
I was horrified when I first heard about how Saddam Hussein threw people feet-first into industrial plastic shredders. But, upon further reflection. . .
Posted by: MikeO at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (lBmZl)
The threat of ObamaCare has SUCKED the life out of this nation.
Posted by: Lemon Kitten at February 23, 2010 04:57 PM (0fzsA)"
I think it is the fact that people feel they are being wholly ignored by the administration. Read a post somewhere where they were saying that BO hasn't given his staffers any guidelines about what he wants to do for the summit Thursday. My first thought was that he doesn't even plan to attend.
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (p302b)
I'm hungry for Che Pizza.
Posted by: Senator Bernie Sanders at February 23, 2010 12:58 PM (+zo63)
Farging corksuckers
Wasting bandwidth with dumb shit
Ace of Spades HQ
Posted by: ErikW at February 23, 2010 04:56 PM (HZCq9)
SHUT UP STUPID!
Posted by: Samuel Adams at February 23, 2010 12:59 PM (nxUYP)
Abusive absurd arrogant asinine A-holes!
Berserk bigoted b*tchy blind braindead bratty beclowned bloodthirsty Bores!
Clichéd charlatan childish clueless craptastic crazed cannabalistic Crybabies!
Deranged disgraceful disgusting dishonest delusional douchebag Drones!
Feckless extremist filthy foolish foul-mouthed fever-swamp Fascists!
Has-been hypocritical hysterical hateful hack Hardliners!
Idiotic incoherent ill-informed immature insane irrational irrelevant Illiterates!
Juvenile kneejerk Kool-Aid-guzzling Kooks!
Lying lazy loony liberal lunatic lying Losers!
Mean-spirited mindless mocking MDSers!
Mouth-breathing moronic ME-o-cons!
Nagging narcissistic naive nativist Nutcases!
Obnoxious obtuse Obama-supporters!
Paranoid pathetic petty pissy pompous closet-Paulnut POSÂ’s!
Pitiful petulant pouting predictable Pro-Jihadi puzzies!
Rude relentless rabid repetitive racist ridiculous ranting RINOs!
Silly sanctimonious smearing self-righteous shreaking Saboteurs!
Sick slimy stupid spoiled sneering Sheeple!
Sad scummy shameful sleazy Sore Losers!
Sputtering spittle-flecked self-involved senseless Slanderers!
Trash-talking toolbag traitorous twisted TC Trolls!
Un-American uninformed unpatriotic Unitards!
Vicious vacuous vile vituperative Vipers!
Weak whining wacko wienie wise-ass worthless wingnut xenophobic Zealouts!
Posted by: mongerel at February 23, 2010 12:59 PM (IZRQi)
Bullshit, they're going under just like the rest because people are sick of their bias:
ABC News is poised to make a major round of cuts that will reduce the size of the news division by as much as 20% and radically reorder the networkÂ’s traditional approach to news gathering.
Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 01:00 PM (fx8sm)
Posted by: Captain Haddock at February 23, 2010 01:00 PM (bbn3s)
don't they get all their news from bloggers anyway?
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 01:01 PM (p302b)
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 01:01 PM (Xj4m3)
And he didn't fucking sparkle, either.
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:01 PM (UMwMT)
You call that a joke you lizard skinned albino porcupine humper.
Posted by: the ont sucks at February 23, 2010 01:02 PM (cpuvG)
would get nauseated by
the shit in this thread
Especially the haikus.
I mean, really. I'm supposed to be impressed you know what a syllable is and can count to seven?
Posted by: Waterhouse at February 23, 2010 01:02 PM (bbn3s)
Whoever made me cover my bombastic cleavage REALLY sucks.
Posted by: Miss Piggy at February 23, 2010 04:58 PM (+FkcS)
I am so raping you bitch. And goddammit we are so eating bacon afterwards.
Posted by: Achmed, Dead Terrorist. at February 23, 2010 01:02 PM (nxUYP)
Bite me.
What, like a vampire? I knew you had a thing for Edward, LauraW., you Bella Swan wannabe.
You all suck.
Perhaps, but at least I know my dreams are unattainable. When we get done here, you can back to your Twilight world where you can be together 4ever with your dreamy vampire. "Laura Cullen." "TLA." Right?
Posted by: FireHorse at February 23, 2010 01:02 PM (cQyWA)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:02 PM (AZGON)
Laura is the kind of gal you would find giving lap dances at the nudie bar . . . at 3pm . . . on a Wednesday. People tip her by putting dollar bills into her stratch marks.
Just sayin'.
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:03 PM (zgZzy)
Posted by: ChicagoJedi at February 23, 2010 01:03 PM (WZFkG)
Posted by: TexasJew at February 23, 2010 04:43 PM (W/00U)
Well the denizens of the ONT mostly come out at night. Mostly.
Oh and word has it that ace finally made bail. It's pretty hard to find a bail bondsman that will take hobo pelts and vintage D&D books but they're out there.
Posted by: Mætenloch at February 23, 2010 01:03 PM (f5vi+)
Posted by: Dr. Zachary Smith, lost in space at February 23, 2010 01:04 PM (AZGON)
Just to show the moslems they weren't fucking around.
Posted by: george at February 23, 2010 01:04 PM (y0VOX)
Your joke sucks, just how did Ebert have sex with Oprah. Oprah does not own a 15" black double dildoe.
Posted by: Achmed, Dead Terrorist. at February 23, 2010 01:05 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: ChicagoJedi at February 23, 2010 01:06 PM (WZFkG)
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:06 PM (tafgh)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:06 PM (AZGON)
214 seriously, I hope Ace is on vacation having a great time and that he isn't sick or slumped on the couch eating doritos with writer's block?
You have to know how to write to get writer's block.
Posted by: rightzilla at February 23, 2010 01:06 PM (rVJH4)
Posted by: Dr. Zachary Smith, lost in space at February 23, 2010 05:04 PM (AZGON)
Get lost, stalker.
Oh. Never mind. 
Posted by: mongerel at February 23, 2010 01:07 PM (IZRQi)
Dear Gaia I love a woman who can flame like that! If I wasn't taking it in the ass from a polar bear 7 days a week I'd be tightening your strapon right now!
Posted by: manbearpig at February 23, 2010 01:07 PM (DtSf1)
You mean the pron with your mother?
Posted by: the ont sucks at February 23, 2010 01:07 PM (cpuvG)
Posted by: Waterhouse at February 23, 2010 05:02 PM (bbn3s)
I don't think you KNOW what kind of morons you are dealing with here!
Posted by: s☺mej☼e at February 23, 2010 01:08 PM (8zQxF)
I thought we weren't allowed to mention LauraW's day job?
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:09 PM (UMwMT)
http://tinyurl.com/y8tfw8s
Authorities said a man accused of stealing a car then reporting it stolen remains in custody after telling police he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card.
Posted by: crosspatch at February 23, 2010 01:09 PM (AdYoA)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:09 PM (AZGON)
Pussy! Anyone with a fucking brain knows that I-40 truckstops have the cheapest hookers. Cost me .38 cents to get my freak on with Jawonda at the Petro in Okie City.
Posted by: J.B. Hunt,Truckdriver at February 23, 2010 01:10 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:10 PM (zgZzy)
I asked Cheney why Guam? He belched in my face and said "Why not?!" Then he pulled my eyebrows off and handed them to me.
Posted by: Crusty at February 23, 2010 01:10 PM (GvSpB)
Let's not let PA off the hook
36 ... My BF at the time 4.0'd the first year, then dropped out stating he couldn't take it anymore. ...
Posted by Purple Avenger at February 13, 2010 10:24 PM (VgINC)
PA is female? I did not know this.
Is the percentage of commenters here at Ace really 50%?
Is there a cheat sheet or some other sort of indication?
Posted by: Arbalest at February 13, 2010 10:30 PM (JnWYr)
Posted by: tattle tale at February 23, 2010 01:11 PM (ucq49)
He looked at her and said... "Now I KNOW I'm gay."
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:12 PM (UMwMT)
Yeah, I'm calling out the Overnight Thread. Holeeee Shit. I haven't seen such a collection of bristly mutants since those college fruit fly experiments.
You mean the ones you bred before consuming them all? Those compounds used are mutagenic - I guess that explains the hump.
Let me distill this for you: You all suck.
Can't really object to that, but what differs is what we suck. I just suck at life (and suicide attempts) while you suck..well, let's just say that it's also Andy Sullivan's favorite beverage.
Bite me.
With relish, once I slice through the humps dear.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:13 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:13 PM (zgZzy)
Posted by: joncelli at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (RD7QR)
Wear comfortable shoes
and plaid skirt on battle day.
Don't eat the haggis.
For a Scottish lass,
you haz nice chappit tatties.
Oh, no, she a man!
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (Dxfei)
Posted by: outta material at February 23, 2010 01:15 PM (ucq49)
Hey! I call that the Chubby of Olympus.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:15 PM (otlXg)
Scabrous, worm-ridden, yeast-infected monkey-cunt.
Posted by: Phil Jones at February 23, 2010 01:16 PM (7Qgpj)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:16 PM (AZGON)
Normally I love your commentary, but your alledged hottie olympic chick a couple of nights ago was a fucking skank ho dog. What do you have to say for yourself asshole? Might as well have trotted out Bryan Boitano.
Posted by: J.B. Hunt,Truckdriver at February 23, 2010 01:16 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:16 PM (AZGON)
Nahhh. We all know that JB Hunt drivers prefer the "Good Buddies" over the $5 "commercial company".
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:17 PM (tafgh)
That's a damn good point, George.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:17 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: The Devil at February 23, 2010 01:17 PM (T1ZAZ)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:17 PM (zgZzy)
Posted by: Crusty at February 23, 2010 01:17 PM (GvSpB)
Posted by: Moron at February 23, 2010 01:18 PM (F9R0K)
Hey snowbound maroons- this is what's known as a "Winter Weather Advisory" down here in Texas:
Areas of light rain will continue through mid to late afternoon
then will be mixing with sleet and snow. Most locations in the
advisory should experience rain and snow mixed before 8 PM. With
the warm ground in place... no significant snow accumulations are
expected during the afternoon. During the evening snow may begin
to stick on grassy areas and car roofs. The rain and snow mix may
change over to all snow later this evening or after midnight. Any
accumulations during the late evening through 3 am time frame
should be mainly under one inch from Interstate 10 northward.
Enjoy digging out of the snow.
Posted by: ONT-er at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (fx8sm)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (zgZzy)
Posted by: scottythrust at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (VTeUD)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (AZGON)
Are there any among you people who can craft a jibe witty
Us people? I think they're related to you, LauraW. Father & son, who also happen to be brothers? explains the hump.
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (1hM1d)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 01:20 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 05:17 PM (tafgh)
Okay "good buddie" meet me at the pickle park at mile marker 110. My salad needs tossed. Fucking gay-ass Schneider drivers.
Posted by: J.B. Hunt,Truckdriver at February 23, 2010 01:20 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: Fuktard at February 23, 2010 01:20 PM (C39a6)
"Is "Gabriel M" a boy or girl?"
Who knows. I just found out mamma AJ is a dude, so don't trust the "handles!
Posted by: shocked! shocked! at February 23, 2010 01:21 PM (ucq49)
Posted by: Quasimodo at February 23, 2010 01:21 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Penfold at February 23, 2010 01:22 PM (1PeEC)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:22 PM (UMwMT)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Iblis at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (9221z)
You tell me, Orwell. Didn't Andrew Sullivan teach how much was *just enough* jizz to put on a pair of furry gloves? Or did he always put too much, thereby resulting in your unseemly birth through the shaggy thighs of a ZebraSquirrel in the heated throws of a $50 yiffing? ?
Posted by: Reverend Darkness at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (43Hl9)
This is fun: At a stop light, I'll pull along side, roll down my window, and make that circular motion with my finger to request that the other driver do the same. When they do, I say, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that some asshole put an Obama bumper sticker on your car!" I then laugh hysterically and drive off.
Posted by: angler at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (SwjAj)
If you do, then I am sending the pictures to Inside Edition of you fucking 2nd graders Mr. Mortimer Dredelstein!
Posted by: J.B. Hunt,Truckdriver at February 23, 2010 01:25 PM (nxUYP)
Posted by: rightzilla at February 23, 2010 01:25 PM (rVJH4)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (AZGON)
OK, that is all kinds of awesome. Most people that had Obama stickers on their cars take them off with a razor blade, then slit their wrists...
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (UMwMT)
The EEOC can suck Michelle Obama's balls.
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (zgZzy)
>>323 We really need to find Ace.
Buffet flame shimmers
between your hobo bacon
and my sterno can.
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (Dxfei)
Bwahahahahaha. Do you know how many J.B. Hunt jokes there are? One. The rest are all true stories.
We all know that JB Hunt drivers are even gayer than the pumpkin-truck types. I, on the other hand, was smart enough to never work for either company. So there.
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (tafgh)
Posted by: rightzilla at February 23, 2010 01:27 PM (rVJH4)
Sorry dear, as luck would have it I actually had a little rush of business after crating this ill-fated post.
Still trying to catch up with all the Morons' helpful suggestions about my hygiene and virtue.
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 01:27 PM (sYddL)
Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 01:28 PM (p302b)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 23, 2010 01:28 PM (zgZzy)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:29 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at February 23, 2010 01:29 PM (1hM1d)
Not as fun when you don't flame back.
Not that any of us think you can come up with a proper insult. Maybe you can find a kindergartener who will tell you to call us all poopyheads or something.
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:30 PM (UMwMT)
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:30 PM (tafgh)
Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:31 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: KelliD at February 23, 2010 01:31 PM (Q9Cny)
I have. It was called the "Democratic National Convention". The smell of patchouli alone was enough to gag a swamp rat.
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:31 PM (UMwMT)
Maybe Ace got a job.....with a clip-on tie.
Yeah, he's now the junior bell-hop at T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII Litchfield Booze Cruise and Hobo hunt.
Posted by: Iblis at February 23, 2010 01:32 PM (9221z)
Shriveled Boobs!
2% Beer!
Turkey Bacons!
butch Shoes!
little Boy stained Shorts!
lame Pics!
Pron!
PBunked!
Back at ya, bitches.
Posted by: FTFY at February 23, 2010 01:33 PM (ucq49)
Wow, those humps are huge!
TheyÂ’re like two hamburger buns.
Yes, they are whoppers!
IÂ’m clutching my chest.
Itty bitty booty shorts
cause shortness of breath.
If she reappears,
IÂ’ll challenge her to a dance.
I do not fear her!
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 01:33 PM (Dxfei)
Shut up your whore mouth. I worked for Prime, then Groendyke. I'll never forget the time I was driving SB on I-35W past Fort Worth when I passed a Pilot Truck stop. I had a really strong CB and I was hearing a fuck you contest coming out of the truck stop. I got on the CB and told the drivers at the truck stop that if they didn't shut up I was going to kick all their asses. They then of course asked me where I was, and I told them I was in the Schneider truck parked at the s/e corner and I was going to kick all of their asses. God I hope that Schneider driver made it out of there okay, LOL.
Posted by: J.B. Hunt,Truckdriver at February 23, 2010 01:34 PM (nxUYP)
We suck - but each of us sucks in a unique way, like the delicate blossoms we are.
And lauraw. - if your webcam starts blinking, that's just Ace trying to find himself, IYKWIMAITYD.
And then going to vomit on Susan Sarandon. Win-Win!
Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 23, 2010 01:34 PM (nlRuk)
I heard that was overrated anyway. One just ends up with their soul crushed and at worse, well, they get tortured by the likes of Miss'80sbaby for all eternity.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:35 PM (otlXg)
I've never had a problem with that.
Posted by: KelliD at February 23, 2010 05:31 PM (Q9Cny)
Finger, slip?
Posted by: FTFY at February 23, 2010 01:36 PM (ucq49)
Okay, enough of that sock.
Posted by: Samuel Adams at February 23, 2010 01:36 PM (nxUYP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jXFebAjVco
OR A MORE CLASSIC VERSION
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz5QoCuTO3A
If this doesn't get your spirits up it's 'cause your DEAD!
Posted by: GarandFan at February 23, 2010 01:36 PM (6mwMs)
If Ace is planning on selling this site, he must be pissed as hell- the asking price has gone way down.
This is not because the lot of you should have been aborted... actually, your mothers should have been strangled the first time they came into heat.
Posted by: FR at February 23, 2010 01:37 PM (AIyLg)
Its not that they can't get pussy, its that they don't know how to get rid of it.
Posted by: Iblis at February 23, 2010 01:37 PM (9221z)
Posted by: rockhead at February 23, 2010 01:37 PM (RykTt)
Correct! That is the #1 phrase most often uttered by Ace when he has his alone time with the computer!
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:37 PM (UMwMT)
Humpbacked yankee chicks trying to be insulting ,, and every fuckin' body from texas .
Capitalize texas ? Hell no .
It's only a matter of time before Mexico annexes those steer fuckin' dweebs , anyway .
Reminder ,, Molly Ivins and Jim Hightower were texans . Nuff said .
Posted by: awkward davies at February 23, 2010 01:38 PM (wb68R)
Preparation H works well...so I've heard.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:38 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Darth Cheney at February 23, 2010 01:39 PM (NmWOy)
Ok, ok, ok...I've got one!
Horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks: Why the long face?
yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck
Posted by: Reggie1971 at February 23, 2010 01:39 PM (b68Df)
I'm getting smack talk from a Prime driver? Oh the humanity. Never worked for any of the bigs myself, and I like it that way. Now I'll know where to send the good buddy next time I hear one advertising...
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:40 PM (tafgh)
Posted by: Naqamel at February 23, 2010 01:40 PM (UMwMT)
Posted by: rockhead at February 23, 2010 05:37 PM (RykTt)
See Ace is here. I still remember a smackdown, and instituting, a Funny Czar.
Welcome back.
Posted by: failing, but a few neurons left at February 23, 2010 01:42 PM (ucq49)
Posted by: awkward davies at February 23, 2010 01:44 PM (wb68R)
Oh oh, dems fighting words. Hauling the most dangerous chemicals in the country in their liquid form made us men. You sir, have been slapped across the right cheek by my white glove.
Posted by: Samuel Adams at February 23, 2010 01:46 PM (nxUYP)
rockhead ,
The world is frightfulso you stay in your cellar
and whack off all day.
Sucks to be you!
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 01:46 PM (Dxfei)
Posted by: lost CFI driver at February 23, 2010 01:47 PM (CYW1e)
Dude, the Ontario truckstop was a nice truckstop. You ever driven light going through the El Cajon pass during the Santa Anna winds and make it. Trust me, the Ontario TA was a godsend.
Posted by: Samuel Adams at February 23, 2010 01:50 PM (nxUYP)
Got it. I'll be in the Werner truck in the third row at the Flying J on I15. Bring it, bitch.
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:50 PM (tafgh)
Q. How can you tell if you hang at the OnT?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Posted by: just lurked at February 23, 2010 01:50 PM (ucq49)
Oh Gaia it could never be that bad. And you don't even get charged $10 a night or whatever for reading this drivel...
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 01:52 PM (tafgh)
"Dude, the Ontario truckstop was a nice truckstop. "
Use to do some great b-leggin' there.
Love my Grabers
Posted by: just remembered at February 23, 2010 01:52 PM (ucq49)
Oh, no someone can remember that far back. Holy Shit!
Posted by: The Chicken at February 23, 2010 01:55 PM (2+9Yx)
sickinmass, ParanoidGirlInSeattle, Dave in Texas, TexasJew: I like where I live. Everyone that doesn't can eat my ass.
runningrn: (replace "where I live" in the entry above with "what I do for a living")
polynikes, Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus, sodomizing the corpse of Greek mythology): So there weren't enough actual cool Greek people to name yourselves after? You had to go and pick fictional ones?
Wyatt Earp, George Orwell, Samuel Adams: Sockpuppetting historical figures is only cool in doses. Using it as your name is just hackey, like some Dane Cook bit come to life.
wherestherum: Sure, advertise your alcoholism, you drunken slattern.
laceyunderalls: No one was asking what you were wearing.
Gabriel Malor, Vic, rdbrewer, alexthechick, Drew M: Are you that uncreative that you have to use your real name?
Uncle Facts, Summoner of Meteors, and Buckets of Scorn for the Left: Good Lord! Could you have picked another name? Maybe add "Wordy *sshole" at the end?
curious: About sex with poultry maybe? The word is "avi-curious," and that way, you can do all kinds of birds, too (though I heard cassowary's can be difficult).
Miss80'sBaby: Ok, I guess I'm cool with the May-December romance you have going with that impressionable youngster, Kratos. I mean, it's a beautiful thing when a woman born between 1921 and 1930 can pursue a much younger man.
Maetenloch: What is that? Some kind of Swiss S&M brothel or something? A recipe from Natural Harvest perhaps?
Purple Avenger: The color purple called. It needs no avenging. It's doing just fine being the color of the Grimace from McDonald's. Try mauve next time.
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at February 23, 2010 01:56 PM (TqkZX)
And Alex Jones and the Dixie Chicks. Now nuff said.
Posted by: rockhead at February 23, 2010 01:57 PM (RykTt)
I'm going to make a collage out my herpes scabs then level my mage. In a very very dirty way.
Peace out bitches.
Posted by: clambo at February 23, 2010 01:57 PM (8Oa6+)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose at February 23, 2010 01:59 PM (CJiUG)
Posted by: Meghan "I like Mitt too!" McCain at February 23, 2010 01:59 PM (uuZjB)
so you stay in your cellar
and whack off all day.
Sucks to be you!
I picture you counting syllables on your toes.
Posted by: rockhead at February 23, 2010 02:00 PM (RykTt)
Unfortunately, dear, your giant funbags are your only good feature. Your twat is probably so stretched out that a family of St Bernards could nap in it.
Posted by: Hatchet Five at February 23, 2010 02:02 PM (tafgh)
"I heard that you could suck start a Harley so I guess that does make you an authority on suck."
And the chrome off my trailer hitch.
Posted by: F-150 at February 23, 2010 02:03 PM (ucq49)
Why do ya always gotta pick on the ONT? I've never met a nicer bunch of deviants and perverts. If you want advice on what wine to serve with roast hobo, or whether you should use rope or shackles to tie up your love slave the ONT'ers are there for you.
Yeah, we could sit around in our nicely creased slacks and talk about p-o-l-o-ticks if we wanted to, but we choose not to. Y'all daytime dwellers are just jealous 'cause we bring the "fun" to this dysfunctional place.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at February 23, 2010 02:05 PM (RZ8pf)
Posted by: FPC at February 23, 2010 02:10 PM (aC6Za)
Haiku? You must be fucking kidding me.
Is that the best you idiots can pen?
A sonnet: ThatÂ’s a real poem, see?
Or canÂ’t you stupid morons count to ten?
Besides, the nature elements arenÂ’t there.
ItÂ’s more than counting syllables, you know.
A poem in haikuÂ’s about the air
Or water, thunder, sunshine, rain or snow.
So maybe LauraÂ’s right, and we all suck,
Responding to her taunts with mere haiku.
Well, I suggest that she can fuck a duck,
And that goes double for the rest of you.
My contribution to this flame warÂ’s done,
And now the war is over — I have won.
Posted by: FireHorse at February 23, 2010 02:11 PM (cQyWA)
Very good, Firehorse. Here's one for you:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
And so we all lined up and took turns fucking Firehorse up the ass.
How'z that for ya, you cocktail weenie?
Posted by: OregonMuse at February 23, 2010 02:17 PM (JkUVD)
"That’s the problem when you start purging the unfaithful monkeys — it can be hard to know when to stop."
Posted by: docweasel at February 23, 2010 02:22 PM (kgwdA)
PA is a woman?
WTF?"
Herr, admited, he sat to pee.
Can't tell the players w/o a program!
Posted by: just learin' at February 23, 2010 02:23 PM (ucq49)
Let me distill this for you: You all suck.
I heard that you could suck start a Harley so I guess that does make you an authority on suck.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose at February 23, 2010 05:59 PM (CJiUG)
Just don't try suck-starting a .38. Or; do whatever liberates your mind.
Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 23, 2010 02:23 PM (nlRuk)
Posted by: FPC at February 23, 2010 06:10 PM (aC6Za)
It's the sound you last hear when Cheney is out on one of his 'fun, instructional, and uplifting nights on the town'.
Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 23, 2010 02:28 PM (nlRuk)
How'z that for ya, you cocktail weenie?
Your claim lacks credibility. Anyone who knows what a cocktail weenie is (and WTFingF is that, anyway? Do you really put miniature hot dogs in a martini?) lacks the civilization necessary to form a queue for a gang rape.
And by the way, violets are violet. Thus the name.
Posted by: FireHorse at February 23, 2010 02:28 PM (cQyWA)
"Posted by: docweasel at February 23, 2010 06:22 PM (kgwdA) "
CJ, has ridden over so many unpaved roads, on his wittle trike, sans seat, for soooo long -
They use fiber optic enhanced razorbacks, for his weekly colonoscopies. A rumor, not yet nailed down yet.
Posted by: just learin' at February 23, 2010 02:28 PM (ucq49)
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 02:30 PM (s99Qn)
Posted by: w'evver at February 23, 2010 02:31 PM (GkYyh)
Posted by: di butler, bitchy w/ a side of bacon at February 23, 2010 02:32 PM (S3xX1)
Cool, cool coolatta —
A sleigh ride for your tastebuds.
Winter in a cup.
Take your muddy ass
back to the slave pit, FireHorse
DonÂ’t wait by the phone.
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 02:32 PM (Dxfei)
Y'all daytime dwellers are just jealous 'cause we bring the "fun" sexually-transmitted fungus to this dysfunctional place.
FTFY
And by the way, I heard you've been dating whassisface from the old ONT. I can tell it's true on account of that rash around your mouth. You should probably pay a visit to the CDC, that shit just don't look right girl
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 02:34 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 02:41 PM (s99Qn)
Posted by: Secundus at February 23, 2010 02:41 PM (WuvMD)
Posted by: OregonMuse at February 23, 2010 02:45 PM (JkUVD)
PGiS,
Lauraw haz Chiggers! IÂ’d like to know what useful purpose she serves on this planetÂ…if we can put a man on the moon, we ought to be able to find a way to remove this vermin from our lives.
Posted by: sickinmass at February 23, 2010 02:47 PM (Dxfei)
Posted by: Malcolm Tent at February 23, 2010 02:48 PM (7RZSf)
Posted by: pooty sniffer at February 23, 2010 02:49 PM (rVJH4)
Yeah, I'm calling out the Overnight Thread. Holeeee Shit. I haven't seen such a collection of bristly mutants since those college fruit fly experiments.
Let me distill this for you: You all suck.
Bite me.
Uhm. Humpy? The ONT sucks because it's run by a bunch of Moronettes. I now know more about shoes than I ever thought possible. Or wanted.
And lemme tell you about yeast infections. Sheesh!
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 02:52 PM (1fanL)
424 Geppettophilia: the practice of having sex with wooden boys
Michellophila: the practice of having sex with your big armed, one balled, wookie wife
Posted by: Barack gettin jiggy at February 23, 2010 02:55 PM (rVJH4)
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 02:58 PM (1fanL)
Barry, we all know those sessions involve you strapped facedown on the bed with a ball gag in your mouth. What's today's safeword? "MMMMMPHHH!"?
Posted by: Secundus at February 23, 2010 02:58 PM (WuvMD)
Sure mock us moronettes on the ONT, but we arenÂ’t the ones who showed up at the doctorÂ’s office with a ring of orange around our penis only to find out that it was Cheetos residue from whacking the hose.
Wash first dude, or use the other hand.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at February 23, 2010 02:59 PM (RZ8pf)
Oh and LauraW, “dating” that’s a nice euphemism for holding a man captive in my basement and turning him into my love slave. I’ll have to start using that one.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at February 23, 2010 03:00 PM (RZ8pf)
Posted by: Mr. Chumpo at February 23, 2010 03:01 PM (dDysH)
Yeah, well.... sez you...
Damn. Missed out on a thread of utter nonsense.
Good thing I was free yesterday for the chicken post!
Posted by: Antimatter at February 23, 2010 03:01 PM (gbCNS)
Sure mock us moronettes on the ONT, but we arenÂ’t the ones who showed up at the doctorÂ’s office with a ring of orange around our penis...
Yeah, they had a ring of orange around their mouth. And don't you forget it.
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 03:01 PM (s99Qn)
Way back up there at 47 -- there are actually men over there in Alton? I thought that town was just full of really ugly lesbians and stupid chicks who couldn't tell the difference.
Huh, learn something new everyday.
Of course, seeing as how you're from Alton, I'm pretty sure old Laura would have the finest set of teeth if she ever showed up. She's got two of her own, right?
Posted by: unknown jane at February 23, 2010 03:01 PM (5/yRG)
Yeah, they had a ring of orange around their mouth. And don't you forget it.
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 07:01 PM (s99Qn)
Rainbow party! Only instead of gold at the end of the rainbow, it's the drips!
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 03:04 PM (1fanL)
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 06:52 PM (1fanL)
It's not too late. Cootie remover, brain bleach, neuronal growth inhibitor, etc.
Posted by: Post OnT decontam unit at February 23, 2010 03:06 PM (ucq49)
By the way, the rail-yard bulls caught your mom blowing hobos for a nickel a pop. I only heard about it because they were outraged at her brazen gouging.
sickinmass, nobody's listening to you.
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 03:08 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 03:10 PM (1fanL)
Has anyone here seen a thread about fuzzy pink cleavage? (And, no, I don't mean PGiS.)
Posted by: fozzy bear at February 23, 2010 03:18 PM (2qU2d)
Not that I ever 'went steady'.
Man has to have some standards - and that is why I am still single, you warty hump-backed, leather-clad daughters of a mad-science mistake crossing frogs with actual humans!
(e-mail me - IYKWIM - growwwl).
Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 23, 2010 03:19 PM (nlRuk)
"Has anyone here seen a thread about fuzzy pink cleavage? (And, no, I don't mean PGiS.)"
Wasn't someone poppin' the pink.
Posted by: Justa rumor I heard at February 23, 2010 03:22 PM (ucq49)
Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 23, 2010 03:22 PM (nlRuk)
You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
Now touch my hump. Touch it real good.
Don't be afraid. It doesn't bite...well, okay, it does technically bite. But the teeth are all rotted out so it will be fun, like playful gummy nips...
TOUCH IT
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 03:23 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 07:10 PM (1fanL)
Great idea FUBAR. You're a frickin' genius. We could even limit it to ONT, or Friday Flame, or something. FUBAR ought to get posting privileges around here, he's always right on.
Posted by: Socque de FEWBAHR at February 23, 2010 03:24 PM (1fanL)
Posted by: Jimi at February 23, 2010 03:26 PM (fqxV7)
ace.new. mu.nu
....idiots
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 03:30 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 03:35 PM (uZ2Jd)
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 03:35 PM (1fanL)
Posted by: Mr. Chumpo at February 23, 2010 03:38 PM (dDysH)
Posted by: Dr. Spank at February 23, 2010 03:40 PM (0FiCa)
Eeesh, where's a good troll when you need em, BLAZER!! YOU THERE???
Posted by: dananjcon at February 23, 2010 04:57 PM (pr+up)
Naw bitch, some of us morons work for a living believe it or not. Seriously, a flame war at 4 o'clock in the afternoon ? That shit only works on Friday nights when everyone is drunk and strung out on meth. Reading the mashed up mumbo jumbo above made me think for a minute I was going dyslexic.
Worst flamewar ever.
Loose shit lauraw, loose shit.
Posted by: Blazer at February 23, 2010 03:41 PM (t72+4)
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at February 23, 2010 03:45 PM (ZfKds)
Behave yourself FUBAR, or we'll condemn you to the OnT.
Lotsa Womyns. Vampires with long, prehensile, split tongues. That wrap around your member. Undulating along its length. While you're slowly, ever so slowly, pulled to your ultimate fate. The loss of all your life force!
Hmmmmmm
Posted by: on second thought at February 23, 2010 03:45 PM (ucq49)
Posted by: Dr. Spank at February 23, 2010 03:47 PM (0FiCa)
Posted by: Mr. Chumpo at February 23, 2010 03:49 PM (dDysH)
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 03:50 PM (bJm7W)
Lotsa Womyns. Vampires with long, prehensile, split tongues. That wrap around your member. Undulating along its length. While you're slowly, ever so slowly, pulled to your ultimate fate. The loss of all your life force!
Hmmmmmm
Posted by: on second thought at February 23, 2010 07:45 PM (ucq49)
You had me at "prehensile." I'd guess you were Kratos' sock, only you didn't mention Skinemax.
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 03:53 PM (1fanL)
Didja hear about the two gay Irishmen? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.
Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 03:54 PM (1fanL)
Listen homo, there was nothing going on here and people were spoiling for something unproductive and wasteful to do. That's when the button for Line 1 on the Red Hump Phone started flashing.
We all do what we were born to do. I was born to dumb people down and waste their resources, and you were born to give hookers that story that begins "OMG you have to hear about this ONE TIME I ever said no to a job..."
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 03:55 PM (DbybK)
"OMG you have to hear about this ONE TIME I ever said no to a job..."
Posted by: lauraw at February 23, 2010 07:55 PM (DbybK)
Thats a goddam lie, I would never say no while talking to a hooker.
Posted by: Blazer at February 23, 2010 04:02 PM (t72+4)
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at February 23, 2010 05:56 PM (TqkZX) Lacey Underalls was the sexy cock-teaser played by actress, Cindy Morgan, in the movie, Caddy Shack 3, nearly 30 years ago.
Posted by: Some get it, some don't at February 23, 2010 04:25 PM (ITzbJ)
Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at February 23, 2010 05:00 PM (xqhoO)
Posted by: Miss Ahjonee at February 23, 2010 06:07 PM (c96aC)
And, apparently, you don't.
I hereby declare this thread dead. Dead, I tell you!
Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at February 23, 2010 10:15 PM (xa1/W)
Laura, Laura, Laura. Oh, she's a pip! She get's "fussy" you see. I know, we were married a long time ago. One thing and one thing only took her out of her mood. I do not want to be indiscrete so I'll just say I'd "give her the wood" . Worked every time with my little princess. Alas and alack times and people change and we went our seperate ways, she staying in San Diego and me heading east. I heard she kept up her madca antics long after I left. There was a bar by the docks called "The Westerner". It needed a bit of upkeep for sure but it was loved by it's patrons, the crews of the Carrier Battle Group Kitty Hawk. Many a night when Laura would be in one of her "fussy" moods she'd stroll old westy. "One in the pink and One in the stink" would oftimes be heard over the crashing of bottles as the woden table was swept clean for her presense. Ship's company, "deck apes" as they were affectionately referred to had no qualms about scrotal-scrotal contact whilst in extremis. Laura loved their openmindedness. Always the same; the crew of the "Shitty Kitty" followed by the crew of the USS Bainbridge, oftimes a few frigate crews to and in the boot. She loved them and they loved her. What a gal, what a pip!
I think I done spoiled that woman.
(flame me?
)
Posted by: Mac at February 24, 2010 09:17 AM (0J18b)
Multiply like rabbits.
Tissue Engineering a Functioning Penis
Rabbits with an engineered penis can reproduce.
http://www. technologyreview.com/blog/editors/24374/
Posted by: SFC MAC at February 25, 2010 08:33 AM (/9h7Q)
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okay, two negroes go into a bar. one orders a gin and the other orders a vodka. who gets served first?
THE WHITE GUY...
Posted by: Ira at February 23, 2010 12:08 PM (bJm7W)