Ace of Spades HQ

September 07, 2010

Headline: "Butts Arrested In Boob Murder Case"
— Ace

Why can't we all just get along? Like, in a sexy sexy way?

Police have arrested a third person in connection with the murder of Samuel Boob.
...
Kermit Butts, 26, of Madisonburg, is accused of driving the suspected killer to and from the crime scene on the morning of the killing.

I thought this was fake but it appears to be totally legit.

In related news, Emmit Hand throttled Cornelius Schwanz in my apartment last night. Police say DNA evidence conclusively proves the case.

Thanks to Carolyn.

Posted by: Ace at 09:27 AM | Comments (95)
Post contains 102 words, total size 1 kb.

1
they better call attorneys Tits & Ass

Posted by: i got a gal in kalamazoo...zoo...zoo...zoo at September 07, 2010 09:28 AM (uFokq)

2 Wait, wasn't this a subject piece on an ONT a few nights ago?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 07, 2010 09:29 AM (9hSKh)

3 Richard Head is the unknown accomplice.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 07, 2010 09:30 AM (9hSKh)

4
With names like Boob & Butts...

it's no wonder the muslims hate us.

Posted by: i got a gal in kalamazoo...zoo...zoo...zoo at September 07, 2010 09:30 AM (uFokq)

5 I knew a guy in college named Richard "Dick" Ball. In my first real job, I worked with a guy named Mike Hunt. No lie.

Posted by: Nomennovum at September 07, 2010 09:31 AM (pV1Y8)

6 Oh my God, they killed Boobs! You bastards!!!!!!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at September 07, 2010 09:32 AM (cniXs)

7 >>>Wait, wasn't this a subject piece on an ONT a few nights ago? Probably... they get this stuff fast.

Posted by: ace at September 07, 2010 09:32 AM (QbA6l)

8 Damn this dudes parents must've hated him. Kermit?

Posted by: CDR M at September 07, 2010 01:30 PM (5I8G0)

You got a problem with that?

Posted by: Kermit Washington at September 07, 2010 09:33 AM (w9BEi)

>>> Emmit Hand throttled Cornelius Schwanz in my apartment last night.

Next time you should invite Allotta Fagina or Pussy Galore - just sayin'.

Posted by: Roadking at September 07, 2010 09:33 AM (JF0FX)

10 Mike Hunt did it .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at September 07, 2010 09:33 AM (XDeui)

11 Kratos, you joined up? Boy are you going to have fun explaining the "care" packages from the ONT.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at September 07, 2010 09:35 AM (cniXs)

12 Isn't this kind of a few days ago old? Like from the sidebar or an ONT?

Posted by: Trumanski at September 07, 2010 09:36 AM (3h3kv)

Richard Head is the unknown accomplice.

Kratos, my husband actually worked with another engineer at Boeing who's name was Richard Head. His middle name was Les--no lie. One day, a co-worker who was irritated by him had the operator overhead page him: "Dick Head, please dial ext. 222, Dick Head...." Yeah, his parents must have hated him. Unfortunately, from what my husband said, his name became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Which brings me to the point, if you had an horrible name like that, wouldn't you change your name as soon as you could?

Posted by: runningrn at September 07, 2010 09:38 AM (8GYOu)

14 Shouldn't it be "Butt" and "Boobs"? Just saying.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 07, 2010 09:38 AM (5I0Yr)

15 Christina Hendricks unavailable for comment..

Posted by: CAC at September 07, 2010 09:38 AM (lV4Fs)

16 More of the butts family ... but these are "first butts" ... the flotus butt is bigger than Spain's and France's combined ...

http://fwd4.me/cmE

Posted by: bill at September 07, 2010 09:39 AM (xWAQg)

17 Butts Busted for Offing Boob

Posted by: ingenus at September 07, 2010 09:39 AM (+sBB4)

Oh, and it would have been funnier if the roles had been reversed, and Butts had been beaten badly by Boob--I can already see the headline that would have been:

Boob beats the crap out of Butts!

Posted by: runningrn at September 07, 2010 09:40 AM (8GYOu)

19 "Boob was always treating me like a dog"

Posted by: ingenus at September 07, 2010 09:41 AM (+sBB4)

20 The name is Butts.

Kermit Butts.

Learner's permit to kill.

Posted by: George Clinton at September 07, 2010 09:41 AM (MMC8r)

21 More of the butts family ... but these are "first butts" ... the flotus butt is bigger than Spain's and France's combined ...

What is even more notable in that picture, is the posture and therefore the carriage of the left-most two, compared to the slouch on the one on the right.

Posted by: CUS at September 07, 2010 09:42 AM (wOGfT)

22 I've heard Mike Castle was the mastermind behind this hit.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at September 07, 2010 09:43 AM (Y81Xa)

23 We used to play the same camps in intercamp games in the summer so we got to know the kids at the other camps some. One kids last name was Enis and yeah his first name was Peter. So his shirt read on the back Penis. Nice kid. A real pisser.

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 07, 2010 09:44 AM (0GFWk)

24 Other true funny, fox reported that a school named after Al Gore was built on a toxic dump site.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at September 07, 2010 09:45 AM (L8kaT)

The true accessory was Rosy Palm.

(I couldn't resist)

Posted by: Tom Servo at September 07, 2010 09:45 AM (T1boi)

26 Koontz sisters unavailable for comment.

Legal representation by Bahl, Sachs, and Johnson.

_{And we are officially 12 years old. Wheeeeeeee!}

Posted by: DarkLordOfTheIntarWebs at September 07, 2010 09:46 AM (IkEhE)

27 I say Butts should get 20-life if he did it with a belt.

Posted by: runningrn at September 07, 2010 09:46 AM (8GYOu)

28 The gang tried to save Boob, but lately the support was clearly sagging.

Posted by: ingenus at September 07, 2010 09:47 AM (+sBB4)

29 Hahahahahaha. Funny names.

Posted by: Mike Hunt at September 07, 2010 09:47 AM (yQWNf)

You have to stop posting this stuff, it sends my husband into endless fits of adolescent humor. Sigh. It's bad enough having to had to listen to years of monty python quotes but this boob-butt thing has reduced him to latent 8th grade joie de vivre.

Posted by: dagny at September 07, 2010 09:48 AM (G1w0+)

31 There was a guy who worked at the Nuclear plant I worked at who's name was Richard Test. He went by his nickname and he was frequently paged over the PA system. Almost all newbies (myself included) assumed it was a joke and were shocked the first time they met him.

Posted by: Have Blue at September 07, 2010 09:49 AM (mV+es)

32 Boob Falls in Bout with Butts

Posted by: ingenus at September 07, 2010 09:52 AM (+sBB4)

33 It's bad enough having to had to listen to years of monty python quotes but this boob-butt thing has reduced him to latent 8th grade joie de vivre. Posted by: dagny at September 07, 2010 01:48 PM (G1w0+) When he starts acting like an 8th grader does he try looking down your shirt or wanna play twister?

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 07, 2010 09:52 AM (0GFWk)

34 I don't want to grow up...

Posted by: A. P. Freely at September 07, 2010 09:52 AM (OBioD)

35 There is a woman working in the IT department where I work now who's last name is Hunt and whose diminutive version of her first name ends in a hard c/k sound. Can't recall what the first name is right now.

We used to have someone working here who's cubicle was labeled "Randy Johnson" we used to get a chuckle out of that but not as big as when I met her and she turned out to be a woman.Damned good looking too.

Posted by: Have Blue at September 07, 2010 09:53 AM (mV+es)

36 Paging Amanda Hugankiss...Amanda Hugankiss...

Posted by: Larry.Marchant at September 07, 2010 09:54 AM (gQLr2)

37 Which leaves the nation wondering why the editor did not write "Butts HELD in Boob murder case"

Posted by: nine coconuts at September 07, 2010 09:55 AM (DHNp4)

We used to have someone working here who's cubicle was labeled "Randy Johnson" we used to get a chuckle out of that but not as big as when I met her and she turned out to be a woman.Damned good looking too.

I am not amused.

Posted by: Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson at September 07, 2010 09:55 AM (8GYOu)

They must be members of the local church my husband saw: Overcoming Faith Church.

No, really.

Posted by: Mama AJ at September 07, 2010 09:55 AM (XdlcF)

40 15 Kratos, you joined up? Boy are you going to have fun explaining the "care" packages from the ONT.

No, not yet. The Army is Plan A, but I have to graduate first and then it might be a year or two before I get in. It's not set in stone yet though.

And none y'all are going to know where I'm at,

Posted by: Purity Republican at September 07, 2010 09:55 AM (9hSKh)

41 You should be ashamed of yourself, young man.

Posted by: harrison at September 07, 2010 09:55 AM (1GXLU)

42 Work the other side of the street, OK?

Posted by: Heywood Jablowmie at September 07, 2010 09:56 AM (ao9DD)

43 Oops, damn runningrn disease. I see she left me a present before going back to the Left Coast. Curse you!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 07, 2010 09:56 AM (9hSKh)

44

... Mulva?

Posted by: Dang Straights at September 07, 2010 09:57 AM (fx8sm)

45 12 Damn this dudes parents must've hated him. Kermit?

Posted by: CDR M at September 07, 2010 01:30 PM (5I8G0)

You got a problem with that?

Posted by: Kermit Washington at September 07, 2010 01:33 PM (w9BEi)

I'm fine with it...

Posted by: Kermit T. Frog at September 07, 2010 09:59 AM (YVZlY)

46 Hell, I like my name.

Posted by: Steve Breaston at September 07, 2010 10:00 AM (9hSKh)

Pikers!

Posted by: Ima Boob at September 07, 2010 10:00 AM (8GYOu)

48 "When he starts acting like an 8th grader does he try looking down your shirt or wanna play twister?" Look down your shirt and spell a-t-t-i-c.

Posted by: ingenus at September 07, 2010 10:00 AM (+sBB4)

They must be members of the local church my husband saw: Overcoming Faith Church.

I attend there ...Pastor Period is our minister.

Posted by: I. P. Freely at September 07, 2010 10:02 AM (OBioD)

Kratos, you joined up? Boy are you going to have fun explaining the "care" packages from the ONT.

No, not yet. The Army is Plan A, but I have to graduate first and then it might be a year or two before I get in. It's not set in stone yet though.

And none y'all are going to know where I'm at, .

Seriously, if you do, let me know if and where you ship out--I'll send you a care package--for real. I promise it won't be full of old, dirty sox!

Posted by: runningrn at September 07, 2010 10:03 AM (8GYOu)

51 Police say DNA evidence conclusively proves the case.

I want to see the affidavit that led to the warrant to swab your belly button.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at September 07, 2010 10:03 AM (5aa4z)

52 Louis Lipps and John David Booty, reporting for duty.

Posted by: Lincolntf at September 07, 2010 10:04 AM (hV/FZ)

I want to see the affidavit that led to the warrant to swab your belly button.

That's not where we swabbed.

Posted by: Guy N. Cologist at September 07, 2010 10:05 AM (8GYOu)

54 All queries should be directed to my lawyer from the well-respected firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.

Posted by: Seymour Butts at September 07, 2010 10:05 AM (3ha6N)

55 All queries should be directed to my lawyer from the well-respected firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe. Turner, Overman, and Dicker.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at September 07, 2010 10:06 AM (5aa4z)

There's a pitcher by the name of Richard Harden.

Also, my deepest sympathies to anyone who was named "Kent"--for much of my childhood, I thought c_nt was a given name.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at September 07, 2010 10:08 AM (8lCJT)

Paging Hugh Jorgan, paging Hugh Jorgan.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at September 07, 2010 10:08 AM (cniXs)

58 Did anyone here call me?

Posted by: Hugh G. Rection at September 07, 2010 10:09 AM (wOGfT)

59 Hi.
I'm Dick Burns.

So, whenever you hear "Who's Dick Burns?" You now know.

Posted by: Hearda Me? at September 07, 2010 10:10 AM (Zi+FQ)

60 I was first.

Posted by: Hugh Janus at September 07, 2010 10:10 AM (wOGfT)

61 This is a shame.

Posted by: Hugh G. Rection at September 07, 2010 10:10 AM (yQWNf)

62 Kermit Butts sounds like a real anus.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at September 07, 2010 10:10 AM (HaYO4)

63 Cornelius Schwanz? WTF, Ace- you partying like it's 1899?

Posted by: Bill H at September 07, 2010 10:11 AM (q8CmE)

64 There's a contractor in my neighborhood named Randy Beaver. I get a kick out of it every time I see one of his trucks. Also worked with a guy named Rod Dick. Seriously.

Posted by: Ombudsman at September 07, 2010 10:13 AM (c1oyg)

Paging Mike Hunt! Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Is Mike Hunt in the parking lot?

Porky's, the movie series that never fails to deliver good, clean 8th grade humor, those frisky rapscallions.

Posted by: Bill H at September 07, 2010 10:18 AM (q8CmE)

"Cornelius Schwanz? WTF, Ace- you partying like it's 1899?"

People should really not victimize themselves while watching Hello Dolly on DVD.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at September 07, 2010 10:18 AM (HaYO4)

67
Can't believe I got here this late.

Posted by: Dixon Cider at September 07, 2010 10:20 AM (fx8sm)

68
If Butts can't drive a stick
You must acquit

Posted by: The Law Offices of Zombie Johnnie Cochran at September 07, 2010 10:22 AM (TMNPc)

69 More of the butts family ... but these are "first butts" ... the flotus butt is bigger than Spain's and France's combined ...

What is even more notable in that picture, is the posture and therefore the carriage of the left-most two, compared to the slouch on the one on the right.

Good point ... and I was told if you elect an African, expect an African economy ... that was their "posture" from start. Western good breeding would be a little more upright capitalism, instead of slouching toward the third world.

Posted by: bill at September 07, 2010 10:24 AM (xWAQg)

"Tired Gay Succumbs to Dix"

That's a real headline from the summer, featuring two US track sprinters.

http://tinyurl.com/23eq5km

Posted by: JDW at September 07, 2010 10:25 AM (uw+0A)

71 Kratos - make sure you bounce whatever the recruiter is selling you off of a career officer or nco you trust before signing anything.

Posted by: Jean at September 07, 2010 10:29 AM (nOq8U)

72 Buncha troglodytes!

Posted by: TheresaD at September 07, 2010 10:32 AM (K9XK2)

73 btw, that is a photoshop ... I'm not sure if it is Michelle Obama stuck in there, looks like her. But I can't say for sure.

Posted by: bill at September 07, 2010 10:34 AM (xWAQg)

74 Boobs belted by Butts?

Posted by: runningrn at September 07, 2010 10:36 AM (8GYOu)

75 more on the flotus butts ... I think that really was Michelle, same steps and outfit, her from the front ...

http://fwd4.me/cmn

Posted by: bill at September 07, 2010 10:54 AM (xWAQg)

76 What's so funny?

Posted by: Dick Armey at September 07, 2010 11:15 AM (la188)

77 Dick Nixon before he dicks you. That's all I got.

Posted by: Bill Bob Jim at September 07, 2010 11:31 AM (71LDo)

78 Fort Wayne once had a mayor named Harry Baals some years ago and he had a street named after him. That street sign disappears a lot.

Posted by: Batznratz at September 07, 2010 11:43 AM (mBNvS)

79 Lotion, I need LOTION!!!

Posted by: Red Ruffensore at September 07, 2010 11:59 AM (X67eL)

80 I'm so lonely, so VERY lonely...

Posted by: Amanda Huggenkyss at September 07, 2010 12:00 PM (X67eL)

81 I tol' Kermit he shuda come on down to the gym wif me and we could do some oglin' in da locker room

Posted by: Seymour Butts at September 07, 2010 12:02 PM (X67eL)

82 I do like me some fresh CHERRY PIE!!!

Posted by: Buster Hyman at September 07, 2010 12:04 PM (X67eL)

I got my name said on the radio one time! It was a laff riot!!!

Posted by: Heywood Jablowme at September 07, 2010 12:06 PM (X67eL)

84 Wanda! Come here and...

Posted by: Jack Mehoff at September 07, 2010 12:07 PM (X67eL)

85 I actually went to school with a kid who's last name was Shaver, and yes his dad was named Richard. I shit you not, his name was Dick Shaver.

Posted by: BearFlag at September 07, 2010 01:38 PM (u+8Vv)

86 A colleague of mine represented a guy named Richard Hole.

Posted by: CMU VET at September 07, 2010 03:55 PM (gcvKI)

87 aren't these jokes better left to wedding announcements, unless, like mad[e]off, the name is relevant to the story this bad taste in seeking the lcd at all times is sign of the degradation of our culture

Posted by: Timon at September 09, 2010 01:19 PM (hZ2nt)

www.iloveinwatch.com

Posted by: kevin117 at September 09, 2010 06:25 PM (fj5ie)

89 Here

Posted by: mo at September 09, 2010 06:31 PM (pELFl)

90 To Use in Pregnancy: Pregnant and breast-feeding women can safely use Orjin Pain & Rheumatism Cream. There is no side-effect ascertained yet.

Posted by: orjin yüzbakým seti at February 25, 2011 11:16 PM (55En4)

91 There are different types of pains in human body. Sometimes when we wake up, we can feel a crick on our neck and we may have difficulty to get rid of it. Sometimes, unconsciously as a result of staying under air flow, suffering pain occur on our shoulders, colic, knees and different parts of our body.

Posted by: orjin yüzbakým seti at February 25, 2011 11:16 PM (55En4)

92 Orjin Pain & Rheumatism Cream offers you an excellent solution that does not have any side effect and it is made of 100% natural ingredients.

Posted by: orjin krem at February 25, 2011 11:18 PM (55En4)

93 Orjin Pain & Rheumatism Cream does not contain any kind of harmful chemicals in its formula. Owing to natural ingredients in its content, it eliminates pains, calcifications and elements causing deceleration of blood in capillary.

Posted by: orjin krem at February 25, 2011 11:19 PM (55En4)

94 `Â¡Ã„,,Â¡Ã„ (;`･Â¦Ã˜･

Posted by: rmt at June 17, 2011 05:49 AM (HBYXu)

95 `Â¡Ã„,,Â¡Ã„
(;`･Â¦Ã˜･

Posted by: rmt at June 17, 2011 05:55 AM (HBYXu)

Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.

105kb generated in CPU 0.0382, elapsed 0.182 seconds.
64 queries taking 0.1581 seconds, 223 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.