March 31, 2010

House Members are Smarter than You. Part 1.
— Jack M.

-An ongoing series examining the intellectual acumen of members of the House of Representatives or "Why the Senate laughs at you".

The Hill reports that, in questioning Admiral Robert Willard about the Navy's proposed relocation of 8,000 service personnel and their families to the Island of Guam, Rep. Hank Johnson (D- 4th District of Georgia) expressed an important objection.

Noted PhD and Mensa Chapter President Rep. Hank Johnson asserted that his "fear" is that the influx of people to the island would cause it to "tip over and capsize."

Let it be noted, that Rep. Hank Johnson, noted geologist and acclaimed expert on continental drift and plate tectonic theory, voted in favor of Obamacare. He knows better than you about things and stuff.

I especially like the way Johnson used his hands and the lean of his body to illustrate the Island's impending list. I hear James Cameron was so impressed that he's offering Rep. Hank Johnson (D- Obama makes the earth move under my feet) the title role in the Atlanta Little Theater's Off-Off Broadway rendition of Titanic.

I contacted Rep. Hank (D-Goin' down for the third time) Johnson's office and asked them if the good Representative had any other fears he wished to share. I was told that Rep. Johnson also fears:

-Future missions to the moon will cause Earth's satellite to "go all crazy and spin out of orbit"

-Drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge will mean "heavy drilling equipment will cause the poles to shift and Kansas City will end up as the new North Pole"

-Excessive use of the office microwave will cause "the oxygen in the oven to interact with the atmosphere, making it overheat and burn away."

Posted by: Jack M. at 05:51 PM | Comments (469)
Post contains 301 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Island tipping is racist.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 05:57 PM (3fzoU)

2 But cow-tipping is awesome! Wait....i thought cow-tipping involved putting my winky in it's boo-boo. It's something else? THAT"S WHY YOU WILL LOSE IN NOVEMBER

Posted by: Someguy's Inner Voice at March 31, 2010 05:58 PM (Ncr1R)

3

Could be worse. He could have gotten an affirmative action medical degree and be your doctor.

Posted by: kansas at March 31, 2010 05:59 PM (4kcAq)

4 omfg

Posted by: trailortrash at March 31, 2010 06:00 PM (5JiB+)

5 As long as everyone doesn't all run over to one side at once.

Posted by: Robinson Crusoe at March 31, 2010 06:01 PM (tX1wM)

6 oh.

dear.

god.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 31, 2010 06:01 PM (ruzrP)

7 Oh come on.

Every student that comes out of an inner city publik skewl knows that islands are at risk of sinking, not tipping over.

Geez.


Posted by: shibumi at March 31, 2010 06:02 PM (OKZrE)

8 Is there an IQ ceiling for being a member of congress?

Posted by: Cindermutha at March 31, 2010 06:02 PM (lQO5A)

9 lulz. least widest. i was under the impression that at its least widest, an island has no width. also, I was suprised to learn Guam had such a large population, i did not know that.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at March 31, 2010 06:02 PM (NA7sd)

10 Island tipping was a big problem in the Pacific Theater in WWII. That's why we always landed on an island on the side opposite to the Japanese. We also used fewer guys because the Japanese are fucking tiny; 40 pounds, tops.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:03 PM (3fzoU)

11 I don't know if anyone else experienced this, but while I was watching that, several of my IQ points crawled out of my ear and punched me in the face. 

Posted by: elliot at March 31, 2010 06:03 PM (GxjUG)

12 This should be a commercial in and of itself.

Run the part about the island capsizing, then put: "This man is a Democrat and voted for ObamaCare" as a caption.

Posted by: LibertarianJim at March 31, 2010 06:04 PM (86FvD)

13

It's April Fool's in Guam already?

Oh, tell me this is a joke.

Please?

Posted by: Mama AJ at March 31, 2010 06:04 PM (XdlcF)

14 'ya know with wizards like this, it's not surprising that concepts of taxes go up - economy goes down is beyond their grasp. 

but hey, they're good for giggles.

Posted by: some wench at March 31, 2010 06:04 PM (uJBct)

15

Don't really know a thing about Adm Willard, but guaranteed a 4 star like him has brainpower somewhere along the lines of an order of magnitude or two higher than that idiot representative.  The fact that and Admiral, a fucking FOUR STAR is forced to sit there and waste his extremely valuable time by enduring the moronic questions of a certifiable idiot, makes this literally sickening to watch.   A Seaman shouldn't even have to sit there and tolerate that sort of stupidity. 

He should be laughing at him instead of calling him "sir", but the fact that he doesn't is a testament to his own character.  He's a better man than I am.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 31, 2010 06:05 PM (U37Ux)

16 Listening to this guy speaks make me want to die.

Posted by: ECM at March 31, 2010 06:05 PM (nYKDd)

17 This is a perfect example of why Mark Levin calls the Dems the "flat earth regressives", or something like that.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 31, 2010 06:06 PM (554T5)

18

My husband was stationed there back in the 80s.

Oh, the stories he tells of storms in tipping season.

Posted by: Mama AJ at March 31, 2010 06:07 PM (XdlcF)

19 Notice how concepts like West, East, North, South. or longitude/latitude are way beyond him, so he's at a loss for words to describe the size and shape of the Island as he imagines it. Here's someone I could excuse for believing in the global warming hoax. But what's everyone else's excuse? Oh wait, they're all dumb as a door knob.

Posted by: Matt at March 31, 2010 06:08 PM (J3jFV)

20 That's odd Batchelor just mentioned that it is April Fool's in tokyo already...lol

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 06:09 PM (p302b)

21 Please God...make it stop.

Posted by: Tami at March 31, 2010 06:09 PM (VuLos)

22 Rep. Johnson - tipping and capsizing islands. With his MIND!

Posted by: Insomniac at March 31, 2010 06:10 PM (YqLxo)

23 Can someone please tell me how the fuck the navy is supposed to sail all the way to Guam without falling off the edge of the earth? Duh.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at March 31, 2010 06:11 PM (6fZqs)

24 How is this man NOT on a school board somewhere?

Posted by: Eric Massa at March 31, 2010 06:12 PM (MMC8r)

25 We pay his salary. He can vote himself a raise and raise our taxes. Life is good.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:12 PM (3fzoU)

26 Don't anyone tell him the much smaller island of Manhattan has 8 million people. He'll have us all evacuated!

Posted by: Matt at March 31, 2010 06:12 PM (J3jFV)

27 WIDE! The word you're looking for is WIDE. The island is 7 miles WIDE!

Posted by: Xander Crews at March 31, 2010 06:13 PM (xsw0n)

28 So if the media wasn't in the tank for the Democrats, did you think this would be the news item for the next week?

Politicians say plenty of stupid things...but this? Your average first grader gets that islands don't go tipping over...

Posted by: 18-1 at March 31, 2010 06:13 PM (bgcml)

29 26, Manhattan is held steady by the bridges. Der!

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:13 PM (3fzoU)

30
And people laugh at me because I believe earthquakes are cause by fighting dinosaurs deep inside the earth.
It's twoo.

Posted by: YIKES! at March 31, 2010 06:13 PM (E5V01)

31 Weapons grade stupid.

Posted by: torabora at March 31, 2010 06:13 PM (1vcwB)

32 What you have here are carved out minority districts.  This helps the GOP, but you wind up with Shela Jackson, this wing nut, and the commie from hell, Mel Watt.

Did I tell you I went to Yale, Mel we don't give a shit.

So bite your teeth, we get more GOP members for everyone of these "democrats" and we get the amusement of a minority districts stupidity of electing peoples like this. 

"They" elected the only impeached federal judge evah, Rep Hasting who you are?


RACIST!

Posted by: Kemp at March 31, 2010 06:14 PM (2+9Yx)

33 How did everyone in the room keep a straight face? I would have had milk run out my nose when he said that about tipping the island.

Posted by: UncleZeb at March 31, 2010 06:15 PM (caBOB)

34 Ha ha, April Fool's ... right? Right?

Joke? Right? Please tell me this is joke.

Posted by: Plum Guile at March 31, 2010 06:15 PM (w8ddH)

35 How do we lose to these people (using "these people" in the non-racists term).


Andi I'm still frosted about Senator Cornyn's walk back of his walk back.  Has anyone spoken with the esteemed senator's office?

If we get a few extra seats by not focusing exclusively on "repeal", which is the "thinking", what good does it do if the extras are squishy R's and won't vote for repeal?  Haven't we seen that movie, Senator Cornyn?  In fact, it plays on a continuous loop in Maine. 




Posted by: The Hammer at March 31, 2010 06:15 PM (YBTwf)

36 This much stupid, harnessed and channeled into a single burst, could destroy a Borg Cube.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:15 PM (3fzoU)

37 Admiral Robert Willard - since he was able to answer the imbecile's question without laughing or even smiling - is now one my military heroes. A man among men!

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at March 31, 2010 06:16 PM (clsVS)

38 US Congress--  It's like the Special Olympics or something.

Posted by: Eric Massa at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (MMC8r)

39 lolwut?! That is one dumb SOB.

Posted by: Annabelle at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (UfBHa)

40 8 Is there an IQ ceiling for being a member of congress?

No, but there is for Law School:

Johnson graduated from Clark College (now Clark Atlanta University) in 1976, was a member of Omega Psi Phi Kappa Alpha Alpha Chapter, Decatur, GA, and Texas Southern University's Thurgood MarshallSchool of Law in Houston in 1979; he practiced law in Decatur, Georgia for more than 25 years.

He's a lawyer.

An actual graduate of an accredited law school.

Curiously, the AAUP (American Association of Communist Wussmanities Professors) declared a fatwa on Clark Atlanta University recently.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (Vo2Ef)

41 Howard Univ Grad ?

Posted by: Barbarian at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (EL+OC)

42 Adm. Willard's ability to continue that conversation without so much as a facial tic is a testament to his Naval Academy training and superior genetics. A lesser man would have dropped a load in his pants while choking on his own spittle.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (6fZqs)

43

Fuck me running with my PJs on backwards, why isn't this terminally retarded  shitstain in an institution?

 

My bad, he is, the House of Representatives.

 

Never mind.

Posted by: Old Hippie Vet at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (3IZGh)

44 It was nice of the navy to bite the bullet and do that. It's a USMC base that's being discussed. I don't think a  USMC general officer could have kept from going full "WTF? mode" after that flip over and sink thing.

Posted by: Grimmy at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (S9wuX)

45 UncleZeb, What killed me was the Admiral's cool response: "We don't anticipate that happening." If I had been a staffer in that room I would have had to excuse myself. However, having been a staffer, probably the only reason no one laughed was because everyone knows not to pay any attention to what Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Why didn't Japan sink when Godzilla attacked tokyo?) says.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (Ncr1R)

46  Fuckers better be careful.

Posted by: dan in michigan at March 31, 2010 06:17 PM (9jRMu)

47

@37

I really am in awe of the man.  His professionalism is without peer.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 31, 2010 06:18 PM (U37Ux)

48 So these Islands are like a Martini glass or a pedestal table. a thin tube holds them up out of the water. Why any good Congressman knows that eight thousand more people on any island will made it tip! PS. he knows this as gospel; Obama told him so!

Posted by: mystry at March 31, 2010 06:18 PM (kmgIE)

49 #8
There certainly isn't a IQ floor.

Posted by: Speechless at March 31, 2010 06:18 PM (KdLSd)

50 FYI, he is in Cynthia McKinney's seat.

So to speak.

Sorry.  I take that back.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 06:19 PM (Vo2Ef)

51 /gay Democrat Congressman tickler sock

Posted by: nickless at March 31, 2010 06:19 PM (MMC8r)

52 Holy Fuck!

How does this man walk and breathe at the same time.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at March 31, 2010 06:21 PM (cIYNJ)

53 Don't rock the island!

Posted by: Dumb Ass From Guam at March 31, 2010 06:21 PM (1vcwB)

54

That was a joke.

This is edited video, and none of that stuff was really said.

Right?

Damnit! Tell me I'm right!

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at March 31, 2010 06:21 PM (F09Uo)

55 I love how, when he animatedly demonstrated with his hands his extreme concern about Guam tipping over and the poor islanders drowning (or would it just be the military guys? I'm just not good as the representative at science), the Admiral admirably managed to keep a straight face and simply say, "No, we don't anticipate that." 

Classic and lol-worthy.

I think your IQ should at least match that of a paper towel before you are allowed to be a congresscritter.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the African chick formerly known as african chick) at March 31, 2010 06:22 PM (AspuR)

56 Dear Lord, this cannot be real. Please tell me this is a joke!

Posted by: spypeach at March 31, 2010 06:22 PM (qsM1Q)

Posted by: kemp at March 31, 2010 06:22 PM (2+9Yx)

58

Saw this on HotAir... apparently Johnson has Hep C which can cause mental issues.  So I'll give him a pass for his words.

The other liberals, though, can't claim a legitimate medical disability for their politics, as far as I know.

Posted by: malclave at March 31, 2010 06:22 PM (W1Ndc)

59 43...that's teh funny right there...

Posted by: The Hammer at March 31, 2010 06:22 PM (YBTwf)

60 PS...y'all arent going crazy, I edited out the punching down joke. Why? Because I don't want people to run away from making this vid go "viral" because of that inside joke. But all you who hang on my every word got to see it...consider it your reward for hanging out on the late shift.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2010 06:22 PM (Ncr1R)

61 Was this congressman on drugs or was he mentally challenged?  Or both?  And these are the people that make our laws.   That was not funny, that video.  It was unbelievably depressing.

Posted by: Alaska Paul at March 31, 2010 06:23 PM (rMkgW)

62 And the kicker?

His vote cancels out my Congressman's.

Posted by: nickless at March 31, 2010 06:23 PM (MMC8r)

63 Already on Wikipedia During a House Armed Services Committee hearing in March 2010, Johnson asked several questions of Admiral Robert F. Willard of the United States Pacific Command concerning the U.S. military installation on the island of Guam. The questions eventually led to Johnson asking Admiral Willard if he believed the island would become "so overly populated that it would actually tip-over and capsize.” Also, ease on the dude. He actually did something important and good in 2006. He beat Cynthia McKinney in the Dem primary! That's gotta be worth something!

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (clsVS)

64 Johnson needed to step outside and do a doobie before further questioning.  You know, clear his mind.....er....a....umm....er.....er...ah....mm.....

Posted by: GarandFan at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (6mwMs)

65 Lemmie put you in some fuckin' punching down island geographical knowledge!

Posted by: Paul Anka at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (onwJ3)

66

You can't make this stuff up. 

Folks, we're looking at a future Darwin Award winner. 

Posted by: JD at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (zpBcl)

67 Wow. Just wow.

Posted by: Andy at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (82Zkd)

68
There should be some sort of medal awarded to the top military brass for keeping there cool under retard assault.

Posted by: YIKES! at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (E5V01)

69 Finally watched video, he so fucking drunk. 

The Admiral almost laughs, but he catches hisselfs and make an answer.

Drunk or bad drugs.  He be seeing Marion Barry?

Posted by: kemp at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (2+9Yx)

70 Why should he be allowed to vote on matters of economic policy and national security, questioning a high-ranking military official, if he's mentally unstable?

Posted by: Benson at March 31, 2010 06:24 PM (qzcNU)

71 Well, thank goodness we avoided that idiot Palin.

Posted by: Filly at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (onwJ3)

72 Well, if the man is ill, then the stupid ain't his fault. It's the virus talking?

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (3fzoU)

73 well, now I know why the south shore of Long Island is closer to the ocean than the north shore. can this guy also be elected my member of congress?

Posted by: Ira at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (8CgUK)

74 Hey!  I went to Howard, along with all my siblings.  And we are all smart.  Definitely dumb as this hapless idiot.

He went to Clark Atlanta University.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the African chick formerly known as african chick) at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (AspuR)

75 In 2012 the Chinese are going to cause worldwide devastation when they get all their citizens to jump in unison.  The Mayans predicted this!

Posted by: fozzy at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (ccEuN)

76 He'd still beat Wolf Blitzer on Jeopardy!

Posted by: andycanuck at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (KdA1d)

77 Islands do float.  Why else would they be sitting on the water?  Geez, dumb people. 

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:25 PM (nY2uA)

78 Words fail me.  Wow.

Posted by: brak at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (W5NBA)

79 He really ought to hang out with Charlie Rangel.

Posted by: Neo at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (tE8FB)

80 AND I BEAT ALLAH ON POSTING THIS!!11!!1! By 4 whole minutes!!11! Seriously. That dude should stop cribbing stuff from this blog. It's so unbecoming.......

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (Ncr1R)

81 FWIW, he has Hep C, which eats your brain or something. That said, there's no reason for the dems to leave him in a position where he is wasting the Admiral's time.

Posted by: Xander Crews at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (xsw0n)

82 This is a pre April Fools joke, right? Watch the Admiral's face as he tries to answer this stupidity. He is suppressing a smile. You can tell he wants to start laughing but his position won't allow it.

Posted by: Bill R. at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (EhlQq)

83 Someone please tell me this is joke. A horrible joke...

Posted by: rawmuse at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (AMis9)

84 Wonder how he voted on Obamacare?

Posted by: Andy at March 31, 2010 06:26 PM (82Zkd)

85 When Rep. Johnson needs to clear his mind, he uses a Q-Tip.

Posted by: Zimriel at March 31, 2010 06:27 PM (eop6z)

86 All you news bimbos who kept reminding us Sarah Palin said you can see Russia from the coast of Alaska (which happens to be true): this is even better! Lets run this 24/7! OK? Hello? Hello?????

Posted by: Matt at March 31, 2010 06:27 PM (J3jFV)

87 ...apparently Johnson has Hep C which can cause mental issues.

And the rest of congress?  What's their excuse?

Posted by: Tami at March 31, 2010 06:27 PM (VuLos)

88 That's what happens when you only punch down half of an island.

Posted by: Filly at March 31, 2010 06:27 PM (onwJ3)

89 Why are you fut nuckers posting you tube vids. I mean shit yall how are ya gonna stop Obama armageddon with shit like this. giving this fool space on this moron blog. Runs some f'ing MSNBC shit and for more eyeballs and get some real conservative mother fu$%ers to run this site. -----chump dont want no help chump dont get no help. Just wait til my Lithium kicks in.

Posted by: dongerneedsfood at March 31, 2010 06:27 PM (rlAdN)

90 Sometimes an island will break off of its moorings and wander around the globe until it klonks into something. Like India did.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:27 PM (3fzoU)

91 Could it be that we've identified the one congressweasel who's actually dumber than Maxine Waters? 'Cuz, like, I really didn't think that was  possible.

Posted by: Vile Roman at March 31, 2010 06:28 PM (iBzKc)

92 Bet old Hank also thinks humans are the main driver of the Earth's climate.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at March 31, 2010 06:28 PM (otlXg)

93 In light of this, I must declare that I am concerned that if I put a cup of cold coffee in my microwave and turn it on, that I will receive messages from the planet ZOD.

And really, I don't want any more Zod tunes.....

Posted by: Intrepid at March 31, 2010 06:28 PM (92zkk)

94 Sarah Palin said you can see Russia from the coast of Alaska

You confuse the words of Governor Palin with those of some hack Saturday Night Live writer, I'm afraid.

Posted by: Filly at March 31, 2010 06:28 PM (onwJ3)

95 The mind wobbles.

Posted by: Kelly Bundy at March 31, 2010 06:28 PM (tr6Dy)

96 Cindermutha at March 31, 2010 10:02 PM (lQO5A)

Not necessarily.

But based on previous examples, the CBC seems to have much looser standards.

Hmmmmmm.

I wonder how many box-tops he had to mail in to get that seat?

Posted by: CPT. Charles at March 31, 2010 06:28 PM (lYKj1)

97 I wonder how people in England keep that island from tipping over.  It's obviously loaded unevenly down south toward London.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:29 PM (nY2uA)

98 #89, you forgot to mention punching down.  Lol.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the African chick formerly known as african chick) at March 31, 2010 06:29 PM (AspuR)

99 His town-hall meetings must have been illuminating. I would have to assume a district even safer for him than Puglosi's is for her.

Posted by: 141 Driver at March 31, 2010 06:30 PM (JFNQ7)

100

That was a joke.

This is edited video, and none of that stuff was really said.

Right?

Damnit! Tell me I'm right!

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at March 31, 2010 10:21 PM (F09Uo)

Ever catch the Maxine Waters show?  That's a reality "bite" too.

Posted by: lMDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 31, 2010 06:30 PM (ucq49)

101 I wonder how people in England keep that island from tipping over.  It's obviously loaded unevenly down south toward London.

They're all witches so they float. Duh.

Posted by: Andy at March 31, 2010 06:30 PM (82Zkd)

102 I showed that to my dog, Peabody.  He laughed his ass off.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:30 PM (nY2uA)

103 Hey!  Let's all go to Los Angeles, at a pre-determined time, and see if we can tip over the US! 

We can do it!

Posted by: Intrepid at March 31, 2010 06:30 PM (92zkk)

104 This is what makes me furious. Some in the black community will pull the lever for a dumb bastard like this simply because he is a black Democrat. Jesus christ, when is the "black community" going to stop this shit. Republicans have voted in dumbasses before, but that is the exception, not the rule. This is the way our entire country will be if Democrats base their whole party on fucking race poiltics. Wake the hell up, inner city black community!

Posted by: The Drizzle at March 31, 2010 06:30 PM (DZgJg)

105 Didn't anyone else catch the other howler about how moving people from one place on earth to another (Guam) would adversely impact coral reefs and cause further damage to the environment/global warming?

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the African chick formerly known as african chick) at March 31, 2010 06:31 PM (AspuR)

106 While all you racists are yukking it up, I hope you noticed that Adm. Willard was curiously reluctant to provide any evidence that Guam wouldn't tip over.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at March 31, 2010 06:31 PM (6fZqs)

107 97, The Scots keep a huge pile of rocks on their end.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:31 PM (3fzoU)

108 If I was a reporter, I would ask him if eight thousand more people on the island of Antartica would made that island tip. Of course anyone this stupid does not know that it is a continent and I would also ask him that if it is anchored in place, only the power of Obama can move it. So, lets anchor Guam.

Posted by: mystry at March 31, 2010 06:32 PM (kmgIE)

109 Drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge will mean "heavy drilling equipment

No, man. Here's the problem with drilling: if you start drilling there the Earth will start to deflate like a big beach ball full of oil. We can't drill anymore because we'll just end up like a saggy sack.

Posted by: Plum Guile at March 31, 2010 06:32 PM (w8ddH)

110 If there is a tsunami warning for Guam, would it be illegal for inhabitants to run?  Would tipping in restaurants be illegal too?

Posted by: Mon at March 31, 2010 06:32 PM (/TwqS)

111 That admiral did a great job of keeping his composure, not laughing, and making him into an even bigger idiot.  And he didn't say, "Are you serious, you half-wit?"

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:33 PM (nY2uA)

112 More from the party of "smart".

Posted by: Rodney at March 31, 2010 06:33 PM (XRIh6)

113

If global warming makes Hawaii too hot, we can just use a big boat to push it toward Alaska.  Right?

Damn, do I have to do all of the thinking around here?

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson (D) Dumbfuckistan at March 31, 2010 06:33 PM (QKKT0)

114 If all 1 billion Chinese jumped up and down at the same time, would the earth axis tilt and eliminate the seasons? That keeps me up nights. Seriously.

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson (D-San Andreas Fault Seismologist) at March 31, 2010 06:33 PM (Ncr1R)

115 The Scots keep a huge pile of rocks on their end.

You're on a roll, dude.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 31, 2010 06:34 PM (554T5)

116

Why was nobody in the room laughing? Were they asleep, or are they all damn stupid too?

 

The Admiral should have replied, "Have you picked up dirt lately, sir? That's some heavy stuff!"

Posted by: Randy at March 31, 2010 06:34 PM (4g0OL)

117 The Scots keep a huge pile of rocks on their end.

Posted by: eman

Cairns. I seen 'em.

Posted by: Plum Guile at March 31, 2010 06:34 PM (w8ddH)

118 94 Sarah Palin said you can see Russia from the coast of Alaska

You confuse the words of Governor Palin with those of some hack Saturday Night Live writer, I'm afraid.

No, that was "I can see Russia from my house." 

There are places in Alaska where you can see Russian soil, they're less than 50 miles apart.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 06:34 PM (Vo2Ef)

119 The Scots keep a huge pile of rocks on their end.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 10:31 PM (3fzoU)

That's why the Stone of Scone is so important, I think.

Posted by: Edward I at March 31, 2010 06:34 PM (QKKT0)

120 Samoan law forbids more than two excess fat dudes on one side of the island any time.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:35 PM (3fzoU)

121 Idiocracy!!!!! 

Posted by: unknown jane at March 31, 2010 06:35 PM (5/yRG)

122 I thought 25 was an age limit?

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 31, 2010 06:36 PM (Wh0W+)

123 Hush you racists! No science folk have said this ain't true, and they know because they put that American flag on Mars

Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee at March 31, 2010 06:36 PM (sYxEE)

124 @ 106 While all you racists are yukking it up, I hope you noticed that Adm. Willard was curiously reluctant to provide any evidence that Guam wouldn't tip over.

See, that there exemplifies the notion that the best comedy always has a morsel of truth contained therein: There are lefties who actually employ that very type of thinking. And have the plums to call themselves the "reality-based community," no less.

Posted by: Vile Roman at March 31, 2010 06:36 PM (iBzKc)

125 I don't get it...he's talking about a lot of people...and then there's the sharks out there you know...

Posted by: John lewis at March 31, 2010 06:37 PM (Dq9BS)

126 Someone shoulda told that ignoramus Guam is held up by columns.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:38 PM (nY2uA)

127 holy sheep crap batman us congresscritters are dumb as rocks.whodathunkit

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 06:38 PM (yxWkt)

128 I thought 25 was an age limit?

Hahahaha. If they have to have a speed limit IQ, can we at least get out of residential zones.

Posted by: Andy at March 31, 2010 06:38 PM (82Zkd)

129 OMFG. Thank God he's not on our side. We have enough problems with the idiots we do have. This ought to be shoved in every lefty's face: "SEE? THIS guy agrees with YOU."

Posted by: grognard at March 31, 2010 06:38 PM (Ep0Rz)

130 This really isn't any dumber than people thinking if ice in the ocean melts, it will raise the sea level. If this were true, every time ice cubes melted in your coke, the cup would overflow. Ice, because it has air trapped inside, actually takes up MORE space than the water it displaces. So if all the ice in the world melted, the sea level would actually go down a little. But try explaining this to a liberal and watch him go into a blind rage of baby talk. This Johnson fellow is in good company.

Posted by: Matt at March 31, 2010 06:38 PM (J3jFV)

131 @ 125 I don't get it...he's talking about a lot of people...and then there's the sharks out there you know...

. . . and then it's turtles all the way down.

Posted by: Vile Roman at March 31, 2010 06:38 PM (iBzKc)

132 Oh, dear Jeebus! What about those poor people at the Onion? Now we know why the comedians couldn't make fun of the Obama administration. THEY WERE TRYING TO WARN US!

The MSM needs to quickly run another story about how Dan Quayle couldn't spell 'Potato'

Posted by: Sharrukin at March 31, 2010 06:39 PM (593B8)

133 What. The. Fuck.

Seriously, there is no god damn way an adult in this society is THAT f'n stupid. I refuse to believe that our school systems are THAT bad.

He is
1) Either joking, although it sure didn't look like it
2) Retarded, and was elected out of pity (what's that say of his consituents?)
3) Getting alzheimers/going senile.

There just has to be a reasonable explanation or all hope is lost.

Why are we wasting this Admiral's time with this shit? 'How many square miles?' Who the hell cares?

I don't know how the good Admiral didn't laugh in this clown's face and just get up and leave. I can only assume he's so used to dealing with dumbasses like this that he just goes on autopilot.

Posted by: blindside at March 31, 2010 06:39 PM (giEbw)

134 Now that's funny right there. I don't care who you are.

Posted by: Sphynx at March 31, 2010 06:39 PM (6QirU)

135 Dude.  I mean...dude.  The country's fucked.

Posted by: Dude at March 31, 2010 06:39 PM (TmzDu)

136 Because the racist Admiral Willard refused to truthfully address Rep Henry Jackson's concerns over Guam's capsizing, he is tonight's WORST RACIST IN THE WORLD!!!

Islands can tip over, I learned that at CORNELL, and I'm smarter than you

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (sYxEE)

137 My bong is empty and I want some o' dat sheeiiit.  My man is toastaaay.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (r1h5M)

138 Matt, I think you reached a little too far on that one.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (nY2uA)

139 Oh course the island would tip over.  The science is settled.  No, you can't see my data.  You'd only use it to criticize me.

Posted by: Phil Jones at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (ucq49)

140

Jesus...I didn't think anyone could beat Sheila Jasckson Lee for stupidity...on a visit to the Nasa Houston control center...she asked if they could maneuver the Mars rover so that it could capture a picture of the flag planted by Apollo 11..

hey..let's not forget this classic from Corrine Brown, D-FL

We are truly fucked...no wonder the healthcare bill passed

Posted by: beedubya at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (AnTyA)

141 130, Actually, the air in ice is not important. Ice, because of the way the molecules pack together in an ice crystal, is less dense than liquid water.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (3fzoU)

142 Yeah, I give major props to the Admiral for not laughing his ass off at the dumbshit in front of him.  I sure as hell can't remain professional in the face of utter stupidity.

Posted by: Dude at March 31, 2010 06:40 PM (TmzDu)

143 O/T:  Is this an April Fool's joke?:  "WeÂ’re sorry. That page canÂ’t be found and may have moved.",  the response you get when you click on Israel.  Pamela at Atlas shrugs is all upset:  "US State Dept: Israel "can't be found and may have moved"

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 06:41 PM (p302b)

144 Islands have tipped over, GOOGLE IT !!!

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell, noted scientist at March 31, 2010 06:42 PM (sYxEE)

145

Psyche!!!

I was jus' fuckin' witcha. Shoulda seen y'all's faces

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson at March 31, 2010 06:42 PM (AnTyA)

146 Holy fuck, I can Imagine the Admiral sitting around the OC with some of his buddies after that interview.

Posted by: robtr at March 31, 2010 06:42 PM (fwSHf)

147

"Furthermore, Admiral, you say there are 125,000 people living on Guam but it is only about 20 miles long? 125,000 is way more than 20, isn't it? Are people going to have to stand on each others heads, or live in boats?"

--this idiot

Posted by: Randy at March 31, 2010 06:42 PM (4g0OL)

148 Gilligan!

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 06:43 PM (3fzoU)

149 Ice, because it has air trapped inside, actually takes up MORE space than the water it displaces.

No, it's because when water freezes and crystallizes, it takes up more volume due to the bonds that are formed.  This is not enough room for air molecules.  But your observation of ice cubes is correct.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 06:44 PM (Vo2Ef)

150 I'm noting all the chuckling at those laughing here, assuming that because Jackson is black that it was a stupid question

I'll be timing how long Ace leaves this racist post up

Posted by: Matthew Yglesias at March 31, 2010 06:45 PM (sYxEE)

151 Adm Walker, I'd knidly like you to show a little respect.  Call me Representative or Babs, I don't care.  I've worked hard for my position.

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson at March 31, 2010 06:45 PM (ucq49)

152 chique d'afrique (the African chick formerly known as african chick)

Love your new handle...!

Posted by: Cheri at March 31, 2010 06:45 PM (llSaz)

153 I'd really like to know what was going on in the Admirals head at the time...

Posted by: shibumi at March 31, 2010 06:46 PM (OKZrE)

154 The sad thing is that I'm willing to bet that if you were to ask a sampled grouping of recent public school graduates to watch the video and pick out what was erroneous within the context of the discussion, many or most wouldn't have a clue.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 31, 2010 06:46 PM (554T5)

155 -Excessive use of the office microwave will cause "the oxygen in the oven to interact with the atmosphere, making it overheat and burn away." -- shhh, I have already heard greenies talking about how global warming could be caused by all of the radio transmissions people make. You know all of the 3W cell transmissions every 2mins for billions of people ....

Posted by: Jean at March 31, 2010 06:46 PM (6Njk9)

156 If the island is "floating" then there would be no threat from Global Warming because it would just float a bit higher in the water as the pole melt.

Posted by: Neo at March 31, 2010 06:48 PM (tE8FB)

157 Hey military guy, don't call him sir, that's disrespectful. You must say Honorable Representative. He spent a long time to earn that title, and it means a lot to him. (Apropos of Barbara Boxer's hissy fit in front of a five-star general.)

Posted by: Matt at March 31, 2010 06:48 PM (J3jFV)

158 Someone must have tried to tell him this might push the island past some "tipping point" ...ecologically.  And he couldn't quite grasp the concept ... he just heard "tipping".

But I like the way he speaks so slowly, so all the listeners can understand the deep concepts he is educatin' us all with.

Posted by: bill at March 31, 2010 06:49 PM (x49/7)

159 I'm noting all the chuckling at those laughing here, assuming that because Jackson is black that it was a stupid question

I'll be timing how long Ace leaves this racist post up

Posted by: Matthew Yglesias at March 31, 2010 10:45 PM (sYxEE)

It's a stupid question because it is stupid, and we would be laughing our asses off if he were white as well. We would also be cringing if he were a Republican.

Posted by: Sharrukin at March 31, 2010 06:49 PM (593B8)

160 my boner was in the admirals head

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 06:49 PM (yxWkt)

161 I don't know how the good Admiral didn't laugh in this clown's face and just get up and leave. I can only assume he's so used to dealing with dumbasses like this that he just goes on autopilot.

Posted by: blindside at March 31, 2010 10:39 PM (giEbw)

This moron is on the armed services committee, you can't afford to upset him.

Posted by: fozzy at March 31, 2010 06:50 PM (ccEuN)

162

I think the people of Guam should erect giant head likenesses of Congressman Johnson.

 

 

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 31, 2010 06:51 PM (DPM1U)

163
140 beedubya at March 31, 2010 10:40 PM (AnTyA)

She has a Doctor of Education.....
the kids just ain't got a chance

Posted by: maverick muse at March 31, 2010 06:51 PM (H+LJc)

164 I bookmarked that video for the next leftist that tells me how smart liberals are. If fox doesn't play this 24/7 I will be pissed.

Posted by: robtr at March 31, 2010 06:52 PM (fwSHf)

165 This moron is on the armed services committee, you can't afford to upset him.

Shit. I hope someone bothered to tell him Japan surrendered.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 31, 2010 06:52 PM (554T5)

166 126  Wrong!  Everyone knows that Guam is tied down by strands of fettucine, supplied by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Hence the importance of not putting too many people on it and overstressing the strands beyond maximum fettucine force/load capacity. Shows how much you know about science, jeesh.

Posted by: unknown jane at March 31, 2010 06:52 PM (5/yRG)

167 154 The sad thing is that I'm willing to bet that if you were to ask a sampled grouping of recent public law school graduates to watch the video and pick out what was erroneous within the context of the discussion, many or most wouldn't have a clue.

Have I mentioned that he has a postgraduate degree in law?

I'm sure I mentioned it.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 06:52 PM (Vo2Ef)

168 i wonder does the admiral need a tickle

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 06:53 PM (yxWkt)

169 Jesus...let's just hope Michael Moore never has to land there on a stopover

Posted by: beedubya at March 31, 2010 06:53 PM (AnTyA)

170 Man, we missed our big chance to tell him that Antarctica is a island, and if we use all our carriers, we can tow it up next to NY and global warming would go away. His answer would be " Good idea, but global warming cannot go away by doing something like this. Obama told me this: and he is The Democratic god.

Posted by: mystry at March 31, 2010 06:53 PM (kmgIE)

171

Hank on Crank.

The admiral rubbed his eye so he wouldn't bust out laughing like Harvey Korman.

 

Posted by: 48%er at March 31, 2010 06:53 PM (gxpfq)

172 I like the reflexive use of the word "environment", as if that is some sort of conversation stopper.

Posted by: rawmuse at March 31, 2010 06:54 PM (AMis9)

173 Don't rock the island!

If the island's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'.

Posted by: Island of Guam at March 31, 2010 06:54 PM (zwX4C)

174 would the earth axis tilt and eliminate the seasons?
The axis of level.

Posted by: andycanuck at March 31, 2010 06:55 PM (KdA1d)

175 Jesus...let's just hope Michael Moore never has to land there on a stopover

Not a problem. He could eat the chunk of the island that was under-distributed.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 31, 2010 06:55 PM (554T5)

176

Hey Matthew Yglesias,

How'd that Obama couldn't sell watermelons quote from your Daddy go over?  Send us a copy of your article condemning it.

What?

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 31, 2010 06:55 PM (ucq49)

177 She has a Doctor of Education.....

So does Bill Ayers.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 06:55 PM (Vo2Ef)

178 God damn it.  No matter when I get on this motherfucking site, there's already hundred and fifty fucking posts already on it.

Someguy needs to give you all a simultaneous blow job so I can have some quality time with the comments, and respond to Hank Johnson and his fears in a proper fucking manner.

BTW, you think Rep. Johnson has bed bugs?  He seems kind of itchy and jumpy.

Fuck you bunch of fucking slowass fucking conservative wannabees.  Why you giving air time to this jive ass shit fuck?  You're punching down.  I'm gonna punch you all out and tip you over, motherfuckers.

Posted by: Randall Hoven at March 31, 2010 06:56 PM (2AT/X)

179 On second thought, if it tips over everyone could just live on the other side.

Unless it sinks.

Admiral, is Guam going to float or sink after it tips over?

Posted by: Hank Johnson at March 31, 2010 06:56 PM (82Zkd)

180 No wonder this country is in the tank.
Too many morons in charge.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Case in point: Congress.
I rest my case.

Posted by: 1idvet at March 31, 2010 06:56 PM (iMyIW)

181 The guy takes a full minute to say "Guam is small". A full fucking minute.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 31, 2010 06:56 PM (zwX4C)

182 Why don't we just tow Guam a little closer to our shores, so we don't have American troops stationed over the international date line.  Guam could be moved offshore of Milwaukee. 

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 31, 2010 06:56 PM (DPM1U)

183 Democrats are smart!  RethugliKKKans are Teh Stoopid!!111! 

Posted by: Little Green Ergastalarian Honestly Cloudy Painful Stool at March 31, 2010 06:57 PM (IoUF1)

184 Well yeah it could unless we use Henry Waxmans nose as a kind of dual wind sock sail to keep the island upright. EWWWW who the fuck voted for that pig faced weirdo.

Posted by: Krazy Kat at March 31, 2010 06:57 PM (68tQb)

185 Combining Sheila Jackson Lee's asking NASA about the American flag on Mars and Hank Johnson asking about Guam tipping over, both of these liberal assholes are in a dead heat for the Ace of Spades "Stupidest Hump of the Decade" award. 

Posted by: Fish at March 31, 2010 06:57 PM (M5t+h)

186

WOW!  I don't think I have EVER been that stoned speaking in public and I spent most of my life from age 14 on stoned on drugs, especially heroin!

 

Posted by: LENNY BRUCE at March 31, 2010 06:58 PM (Y/88O)

187 Seriously, I think that this rep is heavily medicated whether for actual illness or abuse of a substance. 

In high school we used to sit around and talk like this after some mighty powerful bong loads.

Posted by: Cheri at March 31, 2010 06:58 PM (llSaz)

188 Maybe he just got through watching Dr. Doolittle.  That can't be right, because then he would have known that a whale would have offered its services and fixed things right up.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 06:58 PM (h/5Rh)

189 Just once, can't a witness say, "stop wasting my time you fucking imbecile!"

Posted by: real joe at March 31, 2010 06:58 PM (WjerO)

190 Is tipping Guam a childish prank the same as tipping cows?

Posted by: Fish at March 31, 2010 06:59 PM (M5t+h)

191

and then it's turtles all the way down.

OMG the Navy is trying to tip the TURTLES!!1!

Posted by: Mama AJ at March 31, 2010 06:59 PM (XdlcF)

192 Never happen. Guam is where we buried all the convicts we massacred during Katrina. So as to build up a foundation...

Posted by: evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight at March 31, 2010 06:59 PM (hCQG5)

193 Are we positive he wasn't kidding?  Is it possible to be that fucking stupid? 

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at March 31, 2010 06:59 PM (IoUF1)

194 The reason he said "least widest" is that "narrowest" is an n-word.

Posted by: Crusty at March 31, 2010 07:00 PM (YcIRl)

195

The sad thing is that I'm willing to bet that if you were to ask a sampled grouping of recent public school graduates to watch the video and pick out what was erroneous within the context of the discussion, many or most wouldn't have a clue.

Oh, oh, is it because he called him "Ma'am"?

Posted by: Recent Public School Grad. at March 31, 2010 07:00 PM (XdlcF)

196 If I were the admiral:  "No, congressman, you see, the island is held up by a large, reliable system of columns and floats.  We believe the island can hold at least 10,000 more people.  So 8,000 people is not a problem in our view."

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 31, 2010 07:00 PM (h/5Rh)

197 Do we give admirals and staff hazard pay? 'Cause that's some of the most dangerous stupid ever recorded.

Ho. Lee. Crap!

And a lawyer to boot? That is truly remarkable. Don't his schools just have to revoke his degrees? I mean, how do you, as an educational institution, survive with this idiot as an alum? And how does a nation survive with a Mensa like this?

Seriously, we're doomed.


Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 31, 2010 07:01 PM (swuwV)

198 dont worry youll pay for the headshrinker

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 07:01 PM (yxWkt)

199 189 Just once, can't a witness say, "stop wasting my time you fucking imbecile!"

I've always thought it would be effective to say, with a great degree of sympathy, "I realize that you're incredibly stupid, but..."

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 07:01 PM (Vo2Ef)

200 I bet that every Democrat who voted for him would say that the republicans are making fun of him for no reason. EVERYONE knows that this is true. Why are they picking on this fine gentleman?

Posted by: mystry at March 31, 2010 07:01 PM (kmgIE)

201

I think Rep. Hank Johnson is doing a wonderful.  Given the terrible conditions he inherited, from the previous administration.  He never promised it would be easy.  Or that he could spell "cat" if you spotted him the "c" and the "a".

Ed comment:  Gubmintin' is hard work

Posted by: Ellie Light at March 31, 2010 07:02 PM (ucq49)

202 Never happen. Guam is where we buried all the convicts we massacred during Katrina. So as to build up a foundation...

And don't forget, we also buried the 9/11 WTC/Pentagon evidence there, as well. Oh, and the Iraq WMDs. 

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at March 31, 2010 07:02 PM (554T5)

203 This has to be a joke/

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 07:02 PM (p302b)

204

OT, anyone see Palin's post over at The Corner tonight?

Stall, Baby, Stall

Many Americans fear that President ObamaÂ’s new energy proposal is once again “all talk and no real action,” this time in an effort to shore up fading support for the DemocratsÂ’ job-killing cap-and-trade (a.k.a. cap-and-tax) proposals. Behind the rhetoric lie new drilling bans and leasing delays; soon to follow are burdensome new environmental regulations.  Instead of “drill, baby, drill,” the more you look into this the more you realize itÂ’s “stall, baby, stall.”.......

Posted by: Cromagnum at March 31, 2010 07:02 PM (UGrme)

205 Guam is supported by turtles.

All the way down.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 07:02 PM (Vo2Ef)

206 That. Has. Got. To. Be. A. Joke.

Posted by: dogfish at March 31, 2010 07:03 PM (sGaoh)

207 Why should he be allowed to vote on matters of economic policy and national security, questioning a high-ranking military official, if he's mentally unstable?


Suddenly this is a bad thing?

Posted by: Barack The Wise, First Emperor of Multicultura at March 31, 2010 07:03 PM (2PTT7)

208 Obviously the war on drugs is NOT working. Damn! I've been that wasted - how come I didn't get elected to congress?

Posted by: akvusneh at March 31, 2010 07:03 PM (+S22b)

209 its all george  b clintons fault

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 07:04 PM (yxWkt)

210 It's a trap! 

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar's Inner Monologue at March 31, 2010 07:04 PM (DPM1U)

211 #106  That's because they are using Area 51 technology to keep it stable so he can't say anything.  I know this is true because my pudding cup told me so.

Posted by: instinct at March 31, 2010 07:04 PM (TIbRS)

212 This man replaced Cynthia McKinney.  Seriously. 

That district in Georgia needs to do some very deep soul searching in order to discover their own needs for a congressional representative.  Because they're either ok with Cynthia and her crap or they're ok with this guy who thinks an island can be tipped over.....

Please, my neighbors to the south.  Think a bit more carefullly.

Posted by: Intrepid at March 31, 2010 07:04 PM (92zkk)

213 Admiral Willard desrves a fucking medal for being able to keep his composure..I'd have been under the desk laughing my fucking ass off

Posted by: beedubya at March 31, 2010 07:05 PM (AnTyA)

Posted by: Charles "Gabby" Johnson at March 31, 2010 07:05 PM (sYxEE)

215 193Are we positive he wasn't kidding?  Is it possible to be that fucking stupid? 
    It isn't only possible, it's preferable.

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at March 31, 2010 07:05 PM (gLSaO)

216 Ok, where's the candid camera?

Posted by: Admiral Robert Willard at March 31, 2010 07:06 PM (sGaoh)

217 So if this goes with the Letterman post, are this guy and and McKinney sending signals that they are like their constituents.

Posted by: AmishDude at March 31, 2010 07:06 PM (Vo2Ef)

218 No congressman-At its "thinnest point" the island is not 7 miles across.  Its not any distance "across"-it's a freaking POINT!

Posted by: dlsada at March 31, 2010 07:06 PM (lDtRP)

219 His website.
There is actually a link to "Hank's greatest hits"

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 07:07 PM (p302b)

220 i know that district is lower than low  jimmy carter doesnt smile bout that place

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 07:07 PM (yxWkt)

221 Err..umm...ahh..is Guam...ummm...ahhh..the 56th...ummm...err...ahh or 57th...ummm state?

Posted by: Preznit Toonces at March 31, 2010 07:07 PM (AnTyA)

222

I'm calling bullshit. Not that I want to, but I've watched this video numerous times and I refuse to believe an adult can be this stupid.

Sure,  a wtf response would have been rich. But Willards dry delivery, in my opinion, is really the punchline.

Posted by: dirk_steed at March 31, 2010 07:07 PM (TxMeq)

223 I can't wait until the CEOs of Boeing, AT&T, et al, try to explain FASB requirements to this crew.  They should distract them by teaching them how to make BOOBS appear on their calculators.   

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 31, 2010 07:07 PM (DPM1U)

224 200 I bet that every Democrat who voted for him would say that the republicans are making fun of him for no reason. EVERYONE knows that this is true. Why are they picking on this fine gentleman?

No, they wouldn't say that. They'd say they're making fun of him because they're a bunch of racists

Posted by: kbdabear at March 31, 2010 07:08 PM (sYxEE)

225 We don't think this dude is all that bright.

Posted by: boxes of rocks and bags of hammers at March 31, 2010 07:09 PM (554T5)

226 yes

Posted by: w at March 31, 2010 07:09 PM (yxWkt)

227

Adm Willard:

Rep Walker could I help you. 

No sir, I just realized you were having a hard time reading from your prepared notes.

If I may sir, I'll use my finger to keep your place on the page, while your's keeps nose-diving.

Not at all, sir.  And you might want to get the spittle off your chin too.

Posted by: Ellie Light at March 31, 2010 07:09 PM (ucq49)

228  You know, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren't they, and a little chance? And the batshit crazy, and the certifiably insane? Who speaks for them? Also, the dumb as a box of retarded rocks? Shall we deny them representation? I think this needs further study.

Posted by: Roman Hruska 2.0 at March 31, 2010 07:09 PM (2PTT7)

229 Now that was a total sock failure.  Ellie, you ignorant slut.

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 31, 2010 07:10 PM (ucq49)

230

Just tried to send this stupid fuck an email and this is the response.

Can not open /notfound.htm

Your request could not be processed because of the above error.    Nothing has been saved.     Please notify the manager of this web site that a problem was encountered.

If no web site manager information is available for this site, please use the Web Comments form for the US House of Representatives to report the error. Please be sure to include as much information as possible (such as the Location/Address of the web page being used when the error occurred) so that steps can be taken to resolve the issue.

Thank you.

Posted by: Fish at March 31, 2010 07:10 PM (M5t+h)

231 They have a lot of resources available to them if they want research and they have acess to experts.  Who is going to refuse to explain anything to a congressman?   So there is no excuse for not being prepared properly.  Heck Rush Linbaugh admitted on air that he wasn't a numbers guy so he hired one to ferret through all the math in the bills.  He knew enough to go to an expert for the answer.

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 07:10 PM (p302b)

232 Admiral: Congressman, I can't go into specifics, but the United States Military has very advanced anti-tipping technology at its disposal.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 07:10 PM (3fzoU)

233 I think the next time Admiral Robert Willard finds himself in this sirtuation he  should let General Honore reply. 

Posted by: Naan at March 31, 2010 07:10 PM (j5MTj)

234 ...his "biggest fear" is that the influx of people to the island would cause it to "tip over and capsize."

This is an April Fool's joke, right?

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at March 31, 2010 07:11 PM (Q75cY)

235

In law school they would refer to such an assertion as "an abundance of caution."  That reminds me why I hate lawyers.  Oh, I forgot, I am a lawyer.  OK, that reminds me why I hate myself.

Posted by: dlsada at March 31, 2010 07:11 PM (lDtRP)

237 April Fools or genuine, the joke is on us.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 07:13 PM (3fzoU)

238 I am informed that the limit for tipping is usually 15% or so. 20% if you get really good service. I would like that entered into the record.

Posted by: The Honorable Hank Johnson, D-Flatline EEG at March 31, 2010 07:14 PM (2PTT7)

239 Even Paris Hilton doesn't believe Guam would tip over from escess people, and her PhD is in "Cooter for Dummies."

Posted by: Fish at March 31, 2010 07:16 PM (M5t+h)

240

Congressman, we have top men working on anti-tipping technology right now.  Top men. 

But it will require a slight increase in our discretionary budget due to unforeseen disturbances in nano-techtonophysics caused by the atom smasher experiment at the Large Hardon Collider.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 31, 2010 07:16 PM (DPM1U)

241 If I were this man, shame would compel me to go off in to the forest, naked, and pray to be eaten by badgers.

Posted by: rawmuse at March 31, 2010 07:16 PM (AMis9)

242 Ok, so the guy does have Hep C:

Maybe he is heavily medicated, but that begs the question: Why is someone who's mental acuity is CLEARLY lacking still in Congress, and, worse, on the Armed Forces Committee?

This guy, it appears, is incapable of reliably processing information; how can you be certain he is making an informed decision?

I'm at least glad to know that there is some sort of reasonable explanation and it isn't flat out ignorance.

Posted by: blindside at March 31, 2010 07:16 PM (giEbw)

243 When I walked into Congress today, I was spat upon by racist tea-baggers. Or the lawn sprinkler system, I'm not quite sure. I believe this requires further study. Thank you.

Posted by: The Honorable Hank Johnson, D-Flatline EEG at March 31, 2010 07:17 PM (2PTT7)

244

"Admiral: Congressman, I can't go into specifics, but the United States Military has very advanced anti-tipping technology at its disposal."

Same principle as the earthquake machine the racist crackers used on Haiti.

Posted by: Samuel L Jackson at March 31, 2010 07:17 PM (ucq49)

245

Watch the video after Johnson's question.  The staffer in the back just texted all his friends. 

Ths dmfk wntd 2 no if Guam wld tip over.  LOL.

Posted by: huerfano at March 31, 2010 07:18 PM (gLSaO)

246 This story will grow legs, and Representatives Hank Johnson will be revered in the black community for standing up to the man and telling it like it is. 

Posted by: Fish at March 31, 2010 07:18 PM (M5t+h)

247 What I would like to know, Admiral, is all this personnel on Guam. How do they get it off of their shoes? This is a question I have pondered much.

Posted by: The Honorable Hank Johnson, D-Flatline EEG at March 31, 2010 07:18 PM (2PTT7)

248

General Willard...you just got punk'd!!

Married??

..my wife has a younger sister she could fix you up with. She may have a few years on you, but her plastic tits still look good

Posted by: Ashton Kutcher at March 31, 2010 07:19 PM (AnTyA)

249 Who was the Repub that lost to this guy?

Posted by: jamie at March 31, 2010 07:19 PM (CTJDC)

251 Think he might be related to the Detroit Board of Education guy?

Posted by: beedubya at March 31, 2010 07:21 PM (AnTyA)

252

"...and has two children."

Pet rocks?

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 31, 2010 07:24 PM (ucq49)

253 Posted by: Cromagnum at March 31, 2010 11:02 PM (UGrme)

Saw it.  Reuters is saying that energy is going to be the focus of her speech at the SRLC.  Good opportunity for her to be wonkish.

Also, she just told the RNC to go pound sand.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at March 31, 2010 07:24 PM (IoUF1)

254

Sarah calls it like it is, takes ObamaÂ’s silly Chicago game, turns it into a slogan, and turns him back into the bufoon

The ball is back in ObamaÂ’s court, does he have a better swing?

Stall Â…. yeah, its like a place where a horse goes Â…. where the policies of Socialism belong, right next to the large pile of steaming manure.

Posted by: Cromagnum at March 31, 2010 07:24 PM (UGrme)

255 I swear I just saw him on CMT the other night. I just caught the end of the show. You know, the part where he looks at the camera and says, "My name is Hank Johnson, and I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader!

Posted by: Bill R. at March 31, 2010 07:24 PM (EhlQq)

256 I want to see a picture of the Congressman's Delorean.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 07:25 PM (3fzoU)

257 Cynthia McKinney, move over.  Someone is taking your place at the bottom.

Posted by: Nemo from Erewhon at March 31, 2010 07:25 PM (5mWrT)

258 Who was the Repub that lost to this guy?

Some Jewish cracka from out of town.

I always felt Hank Johnson had more in common with the voters in this district. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go water my Astroturf lawn.

Posted by: Typical 4th District voter at March 31, 2010 07:26 PM (2PTT7)

259 191 I like Turtles!

Posted by: zombie kid at March 31, 2010 07:26 PM (AJreE)

260 205  And if the island tips over, we lash all the sea turtles together using rope made from Guamian male (or female) back hair to make an escape raft.  Problem solved!

Posted by: unknown jane at March 31, 2010 07:27 PM (5/yRG)

261 ...we lash all the sea turtles together using rope made from Guamian male (or female) back hair to make an escape raft.  Problem solved!

Posted by: unknown jane at March 31, 2010 11:27 PM (5/yRG)

Really, that is much harder than it sounds. Much harder.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at March 31, 2010 07:29 PM (F09Uo)

262 Laugh all you want but this is exactly what happened to Atlantis. They added 8,000 more people and then some global warming hit and the next thing you know old Atlantis capsized right into the stuff of legends. Hank Johnson is uhhh..uhh..uhhh... a you know from side to side real man of genius

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 31, 2010 07:29 PM (Gpi9J)

263 The republican running against Hank is http://www.lizcarterforcongress.com/ Liz Carter and her theme is "Let's Yank Hank"

Just an fyi

Posted by: Capsized Guam Oh My at March 31, 2010 07:30 PM (Glxw+)

264 OMG! This man really is as dumb as a sack of hammers!

Posted by: So Cal Jim at March 31, 2010 07:32 PM (frIH8)

265 It could happen.  We have to send Henry Waxman's huge nostrils to Guam to balance it out.

It's science and shit.  I've looked it up.

Posted by: mpfs at March 31, 2010 07:32 PM (QuP9W)

266 143 O/T:  Is this an April Fool's joke?:  "WeÂ’re sorry. That page canÂ’t be found and may have moved.",  the response you get when you click on Israel.  Pamela at Atlas shrugs is all upset:  "US State Dept: Israel "can't be found and may have moved" Posted by: curious

That's because the link is:
http://www.state.gov/p/nea/ci/is/index.htm

The A-Z page just has the wrong link. It reads '/israel' instead of '/is.'

Posted by: Plum Guile at March 31, 2010 07:33 PM (w8ddH)

267

Also, she just told the RNC to go pound sand.

"The invitation promises that “other Republican superstars” will attend the fundraiser, but does not say who those might be."

I'll bet someguy is one of them.

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 31, 2010 07:34 PM (ucq49)

268 OMFG

Posted by: Rollory at March 31, 2010 07:35 PM (bRTTM)

269 OT:
See this if you have not, and send it to everyone you know:
Rev. Wayne Perryman, on race and the teaching of history in America, or rather, the lack thereof.
(Flopping Aces)
http://tinyurl.com/yhf95cc

Posted by: Taqiyyotomist at March 31, 2010 07:36 PM (ltfED)

270 Things I would pay a years salary to see:

This guy say that to the late Adm. Hyman Rickover. 

Someone get me the zombie people on the phone.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 31, 2010 07:37 PM (nC+4h)

271 "Least widest"? It's OK to use the "N" word. NARROW!

Posted by: Tom at March 31, 2010 07:38 PM (cbdGi)

272 Jesus fucking christ on a crutch, I swear to god I have now witnessed everything there is to see and hear.

I have no reason to live anymore......

LIZBETH!!!!!!!!! I'm comin home babe!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Leatherneck at March 31, 2010 07:38 PM (40yOy)

273 And let's be clear:

That Sarah Palin is sure stupid, huh?

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 31, 2010 07:39 PM (nC+4h)

274

Dude, it could happen.

It could fuckin' HAPPEN, man.

Posted by: km at March 31, 2010 07:40 PM (ec11r)

275

Remember, for every dumb Democrat fuckhead like this , there are tens of thousands who think like him, and vote correspondingly. I propose that no one who :

A. Quits or doesnt start high school

B. Has a felonious criminal record

C. Does not pay taxes, and is able to work.(People who have not worked a job for a year or more)

D. Is below the age of 50 and draws "disability"   for nerves, alcoholism, or      mental issues.

E. Has more than one child with no job and no husband(or wife)

Should be allowed to fucking vote and screw the rest of us. I am tired of carrying these sons of bitches on my payroll check. Either get motivated, or die. My compassion well for lazy bastards is officially empty. Get fucked, you drags on society.

 

Posted by: The Drizzle at March 31, 2010 07:41 PM (DZgJg)

276

I'll bet someguy is one of them.

Posted by: MDr VB1.0 CS1st at March 31, 2010 11:34 PM (ucq49)

YOU'RE FUCKIN' RIGHT I'M ONE OF 'EM MOTHERFUCKER!!!1111!!!

I'M THE REASON PALIN AIN'T ATTENDING!!111!!!  SHE'S KNOWS I'LL PUNCH HER THE FUCK DOWN IF I SEE HER THERE1!!!1!!! 

Posted by: someguy at March 31, 2010 07:42 PM (IoUF1)

277 Holy shit!  I thought this was sit down comedy. Nobody could be this stupid. This dude couldn't win a round of jeopardy on the short bus. Who are the fucktards that gave this clown a job?

I am going to go eat myself now.

Posted by: Lunatic Fringe at March 31, 2010 07:43 PM (uFdnM)

278 262  So that explains all the stubble on your back and that inconvenient, recurring carpal tunnel.

Posted by: unknown jane at March 31, 2010 07:44 PM (5/yRG)

279  Either he was a day early on April Fool's Day or the Congressional Black Caucus has a new paperweight holding down its IQ chart.

Posted by: mrkwong at March 31, 2010 07:45 PM (G8Eo0)

280 Congressman - thanks for the plug!

Posted by: Least Widest at March 31, 2010 07:46 PM (Qi5EW)

281 I been robbed.

Posted by: Least Narrowest at March 31, 2010 07:50 PM (h/5Rh)

282

This website keeps me sane. The comedic genius of some of the commenters here: Warden, eman to name a few makes life so much easier in this crazy world.

Posted by: Barbarosa at March 31, 2010 07:50 PM (vLwYg)

283 So if I donate one of my livers, it'll get this congressman off teh stupids?  It's the least a citizen can do.   

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 31, 2010 07:50 PM (DPM1U)

284 It's very interesting.   The big thing the libs stressed with GWB was that he was stupid, according to them.  Sure the guy may have been a C student, he made no bones about that, but he had the emotional intelligence to deal with all kinds of people, to find common ground and stick with it.  When they rolled out this guy they stressed his intelligence, he was brilliant, yada yada...but, as days go by, more and more regular folks are waiting to see the brilliant.  They been waiting and waiting and they aren't seeing the brilliance.  They are seeing audacity and some say they are seeing arrogance but no brilliance.   So, what do they attack Sarah Palin on?  Her intelligence.  They try to roll out the same story they did for Bush.  So, even though, this Congressman comes off on this tape as appearing less than brilliant maybe people shouldn't focus on the less than brilliant but should focus on the lack of using all the resources at his disposal.  These reps and senators in DC have plenty of people around to save them from themselves, to make them look good.  Where are his people?

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 07:56 PM (p302b)

285 You could show this clip to every single one of his constituents and those fucking retards would still reelect him.  They're just that goddamn dumb.

Posted by: RickS at March 31, 2010 07:56 PM (hKB1N)

286

"So if I donate one of my livers, it'll get this congressman off teh stupids?  It's the least a citizen can do.    "

Maybe one of your brains too.

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson SoS at March 31, 2010 07:56 PM (ucq49)

287 I believe that the possibility of microwave towers attracting intergalactic pumice to Guam's leeward shore, causing a fatal balance should be intensely studied. With a grant of $2,357,236.00. To my second cousin LeRoy. I feel this is very important.

Posted by: The Honorable Hank Johnson's Brain, D-Formaldehyde Filled Jar at March 31, 2010 07:58 PM (2PTT7)

288 I didn't know my eyes could roll that far back in my head.

Posted by: Laura Castellano at March 31, 2010 08:00 PM (fuw6p)

289 Don't laugh at Henry Johnson's concerns. Sometimes I wonder how to keep Rhode Island from turning turtle on us

Posted by: Joe Biden, Crack Geologist at March 31, 2010 08:00 PM (sYxEE)

290 So, I guess the lesson to be learned from the Poseidon Adventure is that the damn ship would've remained seaworthy if that fat-ass Shelly Winters hadn't gotten on board? "Guam: We flip over fat chicks" would make a killer tourism slogan.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2010 08:01 PM (Ncr1R)

291 Holy shit. REALLY? That was like watching a Tim and Eric skit. What THE FUCKOLA? It might tip over? As in physically shift around it's center of mass due to a weight that breaks equilibrium? REALLY? FUCKING REALLY? 8000 people is possibly enough weight to shift 20 miles x 7-12 miles of rock rooted to the ocean floor by MORE rock and sitting on top of an ocean plate? Then we wants to try and use THAT shit to bring up global warming as something no one thought of? I don't know how the hell that admiral didn't just get up, push in his chair and leave and have a pissed off looking lieutenant sit in for him on the rest of that nonsense. Wow. And that guy SERIOUSLY gets to vote on what becomes laws? And he's better than Cynthia Mckinney? Or is he just a mean as hell 'wise ass' who loves screwing with people just because he can? Cheez.

Posted by: cackfinger at March 31, 2010 08:01 PM (TUBcJ)

292 pretty sure Representative Johnson is Cynthia McKinney with a sex change...i've never seen the two together

Posted by: ugly kid joe at March 31, 2010 08:02 PM (mDoQh)

293 It's not Hank's fault!  Those evil Indian and Jooooo doctors stole his brain for profits!!!

Posted by: Palin Steele at March 31, 2010 08:03 PM (IoUF1)

294 If the Admiral had yelled, "Get to the choppah!" the Congressman would have bolted out the door.

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 08:05 PM (3fzoU)

295

Rep. Johnson, allow me to introduce you to the island of Male, Maldives. Please...no...there's no time for small talk. With a land  mass of only 1.6 sq km and a population of 80k people, it's bound to go nosedown at any moment so, you know, make it quick.

nimrod.

Posted by: jmflynny at March 31, 2010 08:06 PM (x3ghH)

296 I didn't think it could get better than corpseman

Posted by: Thomas Hooker at March 31, 2010 08:06 PM (W/MMc)

297

I had to link this vid and send it to everyone on my e-mail list, including the known dems. 

God above, please make sure Hank remembers to breath out as well as in.  We sure would hate to lose an intellect like that.

Posted by: huerfano at March 31, 2010 08:06 PM (gLSaO)

298 Yuke it up racists.  This isn't Hank's area of expertise.  He is however, one of this country's leading climatologist.  I seek his counsel all the time.

Posted by: Al Gore at March 31, 2010 08:07 PM (ucq49)

299 Is this guy related to that Charles Johnson guy you guys are always talking about?

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 08:10 PM (p302b)

300 Heck, LBJ and I would go island tipping every Saturday when we were kids. Of course, that was before the Japanese bombed Toyota and sank the Bismark.

Posted by: Sheriff Joe Biden at March 31, 2010 08:13 PM (3fzoU)

301 Hanks Creds.........

Johnson serves on the House Armed Services and Judiciary committees.  So leave him alone....

Is A Buddist, one of two in Congress, no word yet on whether he will self immolate......

 Johnson is a member of the House Democratic leadership, elected by the Democratic caucus to serve as whip for Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Florida....

No reason given why he feels compelled to whip the nation.....

Johnson serves on judiciary committees....probably because he is a whiz at geometry and he knows where to draw the line on the island....

Johnson replaced Cyntia Mckinney with a pledge that the only difference between the two would be gender....

In 2009, Johnson demanded censure of Rep. Joe Wilson's "you lie" remark, arguing that the comment had an unseen racial undertone and that, if Wilson was not formally rebuked, "We will have people with white hoods running through the countryside again."

March 2010.... Johnson is inducted into the Al Gore memorial museum of Fantastic Hyperboly and Self Aggrandizement, for making statements equivalent to pronouncing that the core temperature of the earth is millons of degrees.




Posted by: Leatherneck at March 31, 2010 08:14 PM (40yOy)

302 This is an April Fool's joke.  It had damn well better be.

Posted by: MostlyRight at March 31, 2010 08:18 PM (0aCXd)

303 There are not that fucking many people in this fucking world who can't punch down at some guy. But this dumb mother fucker has no one to punch down on. Is there even one fucking political operative in here?

Posted by: DaveyNC at March 31, 2010 08:18 PM (VSHn0)

304 They took him for "whip" over that blonde debbie wasserman?

Posted by: curious at March 31, 2010 08:20 PM (p302b)

305 LauraW said it best, here (SCOTUS/Kelo post):

This cannot be emphasized enough.

The people who run your city, the politicians who are full of bright ideas for improving your life by infringing on others' rights, and the black-robed genius who is tasked with interpreting our founding documents; NONE of these people are smarter than you.

NONE of these people are gifted with superior insight on how better to run your life or use our native resources. But they believe that they are. So without the brake of morality or explicit law, these geniuses and pols and town busybodies will extend professional courtesy to each other as they go about dismantling your life for some dubious utopian idea.


Posted by: iamfelix at March 31, 2010 08:20 PM (3OAW4)

306 I'd be willing to bet that after a day of mind-numbing congressional hearings, this would start to sound like a semi-reasonable question.

Johnson expressed similar concerns last year about "too many uninsured tipping over the healthcare system."  Hence, ObamaCare legislation.

Posted by: T at March 31, 2010 08:22 PM (XPJUR)

307

From the Hill article by Christina Wilkie:
Like other islands, Guam is attached to the sea floor, which makes it extremely unlikely that it will tip over, even if there are lots and lots of people on it.

Thanks for reassuring us all Christina.  It's extreeeeeeeeeeeemly unlikely, not to say that it couldn't happen.

Posted by: rockhead at March 31, 2010 08:28 PM (RykTt)

308 Of course, now that I think about it, if the military moves 8000 people to Guam and it DOES tip over and sinks, then I guess I'm going to feel pretty bad about it since I was warned. And I'm probably gonna have to kick my old geology professor's ass too.

Posted by: cackfinger at March 31, 2010 08:32 PM (TUBcJ)

309

I think that he's friggin stoned. I got a friend that sounds EXACTLY like that when he is high. Forgetting words, babbling on incoherently and makin shit up. Johnson and SanFranNan have been hanging out in the Haight, gettin some of that high-grade "medicinal"

It must have taken every single fiber of the Admiral's many years of military discipline to keep himself from busting out laughing and saying WHAT THE FUCK? Life must be hell for him. Can you imaging working for George W Bush, who has tremendous respect for the military one day and literally the next working for Obama?

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 31, 2010 08:34 PM (7FgWm)

310 It is like I'm living in a world created by Terry Pratchett.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at March 31, 2010 08:37 PM (dQdrY)

311 OMG! He was right! We torqued Guam! What a dreadful moment! Oh the humanity!

Posted by: cackfinger at March 31, 2010 08:38 PM (TUBcJ)

312

 

-Drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge will mean "heavy drilling equipment will cause the poles to shift and Kansas City will end up as the new North Pole"

OK, now THAT seals it.  I live right outside of Kansas City, and I fucking HATE the cold.  I like to think it has to do with spending half of three winters in a row in the mid 90s on a US Navy ship galavanting around the Carribbean chasing drug runners and coming back for Christmas with a killer steel-beach tan, but that's just me.

Unless these folks are going to conceed that Independence, right outside of Kansas City, is going to be near the new equator, I opt myself off this carnival ride.

Posted by: JamesLee at March 31, 2010 08:44 PM (AOpSj)

313 Johnson is a member of the House Democratic leadership, elected by the Democratic caucus to serve as whip for Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Florida....

No reason given why he feels compelled to whip the nation.....

 

Reparations aren't just about money you cracka mofos.








Posted by: Congressman Hank Johnson at March 31, 2010 08:44 PM (gLSaO)

314 Check out his facebook page, become a fan, and bring some popcorn.

Posted by: Cromagnum at March 31, 2010 08:49 PM (UGrme)

315 In the year 400 AD a Roman Senator asked a Roman general a similar question about "Sicily crashing into Gaul".

Posted by: eman at March 31, 2010 08:49 PM (3fzoU)

316 The really horrifying thing is, to this Creature's constituents, he's a fucking Genius. THAT's why they voted for him. IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: Beverly at March 31, 2010 08:54 PM (72FId)

317 Ok, maybe the hep C and the drugs make him a little off, but he can't find the term "wide".  "Its 7 miles across at its level".    Does he have a high security clearance?

I suspect russia and china will probably attack any day now.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at March 31, 2010 08:54 PM (7VvJB)

318 He's on the House Armed Services committee.  I'd be worried about more than just his security clearance.

Posted by: Bomber at March 31, 2010 08:55 PM (d88g9)

319 Its guys like Hank Johnson that keep me in business. Thanks for the dedication.

Posted by: Plantation at March 31, 2010 08:56 PM (UGrme)

320 And all this time I thought the polls showing Congress at 18 was referring to their approval rating, uh...now I'm thinking it's IQ.

Posted by: We're F'd at March 31, 2010 08:56 PM (pq986)

321 Wow, that's the most articulate and lengthy spam I've ever seen.

Posted by: wherestherum at March 31, 2010 08:58 PM (gofDd)

322 And all this time I thought the polls showing Congress at 18 was referring to their approval rating, uh...now I'm thinking it's IQ.

That's giving them way too much credit.

Posted by: wherestherum at March 31, 2010 08:59 PM (gofDd)

323 I'm kind of freaked out.  I looked up Guam in Google Maps and it's already leaning over pretty far to the right.  And right at the tip where it's leaning over the farthest is "Andersen AFB".  Put a few more people around that base, and it will fall over for sure.  But maybe the military's plan is to move in the extra 8,000 folks around the base of Guam.  Put enough weight there and maybe the island won't fall over.

Posted by: pbrown at March 31, 2010 08:59 PM (XIUQZ)

324 This man is wise in the ways of science.

Posted by: King Arthur of Monty Python at March 31, 2010 09:00 PM (YX6i/)

325 That's what I was thinking, I almost want to read all that spam.  But not quite.

Posted by: Bomber at March 31, 2010 09:00 PM (d88g9)

326 I'll bet the lace wigs guy is feeling really inadequate about now.

Posted by: davidt at March 31, 2010 09:02 PM (aag4W)

327 You know what's bad about 8,000 Marines on Guam.  There's no way the existing strip club infrastructure can support that increase in customer base. 

Posted by: Bomber at March 31, 2010 09:02 PM (d88g9)

328 Guam's new motto:  If this Island's rockin'...don't come knockin'

Posted by: We're F'd at March 31, 2010 09:05 PM (pq986)

329 God, what if the 8000 marines piss of the island into the ocean? They might yellow up the water! And make it too foamy. What if it smells like beer? We have to do something! No pissing off the island!

Posted by: cackfinger at March 31, 2010 09:05 PM (TUBcJ)

330 That island pissed me off plenty of times.

Posted by: Bomber at March 31, 2010 09:06 PM (d88g9)

331 OMG, the essay spam won't stop!

Posted by: wherestherum at March 31, 2010 09:07 PM (gofDd)

332 Yeah, but do you have a direct neural feed phone? Call me then.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at March 31, 2010 09:08 PM (dQdrY)

333
Can we vote to ban c?

Posted by: Bomber at March 31, 2010 09:08 PM (d88g9)

334 If islands were movable, the jarheads would be the ones to hang a motor on the side.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at March 31, 2010 09:09 PM (dQdrY)

335 Don't go tipping my, don't go tipping my, don't go tipping my isle!

Posted by: SomeGuam at March 31, 2010 09:11 PM (iGCmo)

336 happy moron day!

good grief.  I could see it if he were making an attempt at humor.  But damn, that was too deadpan to be sarcasm.

Posted by: different troll from #15 at March 31, 2010 09:22 PM (BgD0W)

337 Island tipping . . . why Rosie O'Damn"Donnell should not visit Hawaii.

Posted by: Jade Sea at March 31, 2010 09:27 PM (/aKkc)

338

MO's big ass didn't tip Hawaii.

Did they offload a tank on the other side?

Posted by: Rat Patrol at March 31, 2010 09:28 PM (dQdrY)

339 Wow... I had to verify this video. Go to the Armed Services Committee and select the web-cast for Thursday, March 25, 2010 – 10:00am – 2118 Rayburn – Open. At 1 hour 31 minutes Rep Johnson starts the questioning. At 1 hour 36 minutes he ask if the island will tip over.

Posted by: popcorn at March 31, 2010 09:29 PM (HlpHc)

340 I blame the pubic schools. Or his mother dropped him on his head a lot.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at March 31, 2010 09:31 PM (dQdrY)

341 Facebook it.  One way to get it viral.

Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 31, 2010 09:32 PM (csST0)

342

see, this is why they need to let navy chiefs attend them instead of admirals

i garauntee the answer would have been much different

Posted by: navycopjoe at March 31, 2010 09:38 PM (gg4j2)

343 "cause the poles to shift and Kansas City will end up as the new North Pole" Oh, Dude -- it already is.

Posted by: wankette at March 31, 2010 10:00 PM (I1Q0P)

344 We need to have Larry King interview Representative Johnson. Imagine all the synergistic confusion and blathering that would result. Imagine it! We might not even be able to understand some of it!

Posted by: cackfinger at March 31, 2010 10:16 PM (TUBcJ)

345 Don't worry folks, there's no need to panic.  If Guam starts tipping over, we have a contingency plan in which the people of Hawaii will row themselves over in order to balance it out again. 

Posted by: Phil at March 31, 2010 10:18 PM (jr7Cb)

346 See, told ya we didn't have enough money!

Posted by: Teachers Union at April 01, 2010 01:44 AM (BiCQw)

There isn't enough money to fix that kind of stupid.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at March 31, 2010 10:20 PM (dQdrY)

347 Why are you people assuming that tipping is bad? Has anyone looked underneath the island to see whats on the other side?

Posted by: DFCtomm at March 31, 2010 10:24 PM (Y9w6i)

348 The fact that this blithering idiot is on the Armed Services Committee tells you all you need to know about the DemonRats' commitment to national defense.  Or lack thereof.

Posted by: SomeHatchet Five at March 31, 2010 10:28 PM (Kt5vQ)

349 drugs

Posted by: Cracker Head Bob at March 31, 2010 10:50 PM (CYW1e)

350 \"They" say that we get the government that we deserve,

What the hell did we do to deserve this?

Posted by: Luca Brasi at March 31, 2010 11:08 PM (19dri)

351 Obviously, the Congressional health care system is not working for Hank.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph Â… get the man some methylphenidate .. Ritalin.

Posted by: Neo at March 31, 2010 11:20 PM (tE8FB)

352 355 \"They" say that we get the government that we deserve,

What the hell did we do to deserve this?

Posted by: Luca Brasi at April 01, 2010 03:08 AM (19dri)


Sat on our hands and refused to do whatever was necessary to ensure it didn't get like this.

Posted by: Grimmy at April 01, 2010 12:46 AM (S9wuX)

353 325 I'm kind of freaked out.  I looked up Guam in Google Maps and it's already leaning over pretty far to the right.  And right at the tip where it's leaning over the farthest is "Andersen AFB".  Put a few more people around that base, and it will fall over for sure.  But maybe the military's plan is to move in the extra 8,000 folks around the base of Guam.  Put enough weight there and maybe the island won't fall over.

Posted by: pbrown at April 01, 2010 12:59 AM (XIUQZ)


Hah! Thanks for the reminder that Guam already has an AF base.

I've been kinda worried about the 3rd MarDiv moving off of Okinawa. With the AF at Kadena, Marines still had some access to decent chow once in awhile.

Heh. The Air Force ladies stationed on Guam are gonna get real popular.

Posted by: Grimmy at April 01, 2010 12:52 AM (S9wuX)

354 Further proof that the teaching of Science! in our public skrools is severely lacking.

Posted by: GGE at April 01, 2010 01:15 AM (xRDxw)

355 Also, ease on the dude. He actually did something important and good in 2006. He beat Cynthia McKinney in the Dem primary! That's gotta be worth something!

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at March 31, 2010 10:24 PM (clsVS)


WTF platform did he run on? I'm way more stupider than she is?

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, Bacons, and Really Really Expensive Scotch at April 01, 2010 01:38 AM (erIg9)

356

WTF platform did he run on? I'm way more stupider than she is?

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, Bacons, and Really Really Expensive Scotch at April 01, 2010 05:38 AM (erIg9)

Twice as stupid, now with more penis!

Posted by: GGE at April 01, 2010 01:42 AM (xRDxw)

357
I for one would like to thank Hank Johnson. I wasnt aware that Guam was actually a jon-boat full of drunk rednecks that could tip over at any time due to the excessive weight of carrying too many beer coolers.

Thanks for putting us all some knowledge Hank.

Posted by: Blazer at April 01, 2010 02:03 AM (t72+4)

358 The liberals say that a society can be judged by the way it treats the 'mentally challenged'. Apparently we put them in public office. I don't see how anyone could have risen so high with so little upstairs. The man is a hot-air balloon.
As for his thought that -Future missions to the moon will cause Earth's satellite to "go all crazy and spin out of orbit", I think he has seen one too many episodes of 'Space:1999".

Posted by: James McEnanly at April 01, 2010 02:21 AM (laM3V)

359 Lighten up - he's clean, articulate, and a credit to his district

Posted by: Sheriff Biden at April 01, 2010 02:23 AM (I8MPS)

360 Guam?  Never heard of it.....

Posted by: MSM at April 01, 2010 02:58 AM (5jJdA)

361 "Idiocracy", rent it, live it.

Too dumb to plant a seed...it is a comin'.

Posted by: non_dhimmie at April 01, 2010 03:10 AM (zACGu)

362 And I'm sure his district is 80% white, 12% black and the remaining asian and hispanic--similar proportions as America's population. Nope, no gerrymandering in his district, nosireee!

Posted by: mikey at April 01, 2010 03:18 AM (GSeVd)

363 Wow.. that is HILARIOUS!!!

That's some idiot Gold!

Posted by: Mjim at April 01, 2010 03:21 AM (V8B//)

364 The sad thing about this is that if someone in GA had said this occurred without the video evidence they would have been castigated as raging racists.

Yes, racism straight up as the scrunt would say.

Posted by: Vic at April 01, 2010 04:03 AM (QrA9E)

365 Who put this up on youtube?  Because it couldn't have been us.

Posted by: GOP HQ at April 01, 2010 04:10 AM (euuyg)

366 This from Overlawered; constituent mail answering in 1934:

“One of the countless drawbacks of being in Congress is that I am compelled to receive impertinent letters from a jackass like you in which you say I promised to have the Sierra Madre mountains reforested and I have been in Congress two months and haven’t done it. Will you please take two running jumps and go to hell.”

- Congressman John McGroarty, engaged in constituent service (1934).

Yes we had a higher class of politician then.

Posted by: Vic at April 01, 2010 04:17 AM (QrA9E)

367 Was he high or drunk? He had to be messed up to concoct such a ridiculous idea.

Posted by: brett at April 01, 2010 04:47 AM (dsLeC)

368 I suppose with all the island's instability, a really big typhoon could come along, catch a corner of the island, and then like a cow pie in the wind send it sailing.

Posted by: bill-tb at April 01, 2010 04:53 AM (y+QfZ)

369

Hawaii is bigger at the top than halfway down.

The Corps of Engineers built a fort on Dry Tortugas, and the island has been sinking ever since.

The island in Mono Lake on the Cal/Nev border is not connected to the bottom.

Add those up, and what do you get? His logic is all right; it's the fact thing that's weak. Somewhere there is a box that he's thinking outside of.

Posted by: comatus at April 01, 2010 04:53 AM (/VEEI)

370 Wow. Just Fucking Wow!

Posted by: BIG ROB at April 01, 2010 04:54 AM (K2iC2)

371 I noted that you marked this as Vol. 1. Very wise as there is certainly more to come.

Posted by: Captain Crunch at April 01, 2010 05:00 AM (RUzMf)

372

 I'm noting all the chuckling at those laughing here, assuming that because Jackson is black that it was a stupid question

Actually what you should be noting is that you could move the entire population of guam to one end of the island and it would never tip over because that's just silly and it doesn't work that way.

That is what people are laughing at, the assertion itself is laughable stupid, particularly when you consider the fact that it was put forth by a member of Congress who is also a law school graduate.

As far as I can tell your the only one who seems to be hung up on the man's race.


 

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 01, 2010 05:03 AM (e8T35)

373 There must be something about that district. First Cynthia McKinny the popeyed wonder and now we have Island tipping Johnson.

Posted by: Vic at April 01, 2010 05:03 AM (QrA9E)

374 I'd totally vote for one of the spammers over this guy.

Posted by: Mama AJ at April 01, 2010 05:15 AM (XdlcF)

375 omg.......the island of guam is going to capsize? i hope they do something...........something expensive is in order!

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 01, 2010 05:16 AM (ucxC/)

376 That... was extremely painful to watch.

Posted by: Joy to the Whirled at April 01, 2010 05:19 AM (EZCyM)

377 I think i just fucking snorted my waffle.. and it fucking hurts.. how the fuck do you get waffle out of your nasal cavity!! OWWW!!

Posted by: UGrev at April 01, 2010 05:28 AM (862vz)

378

It's crap like this that makes being a Hill staffer totally embarrassing.

Well, not just crap like this, but this certainly doesn't help.

Posted by: dczombie at April 01, 2010 05:32 AM (nF4Jh)

379

If Guam gets torpedoed at the narrow point, it break in two and sink. Any Navy Admiral knows that and had taken into account, Congressman. Our defenses are set up.

 

(snark off)

Posted by: spook at April 01, 2010 05:43 AM (KETCq)

380 I give him a solid B+.

Posted by: Slow Joe Biden at April 01, 2010 05:46 AM (zVel1)

381

What's next, that gatorade is better suited to water plants because plants crave electrolytes?

Holy crap, this is the closest we've ever been to the reality of Idiocracy.

Posted by: Machno Comacho at April 01, 2010 05:49 AM (obXkJ)

382 Tipping is accelerated when all hands on "dirt" engage in punching down.

Posted by: madamex at April 01, 2010 05:52 AM (+e1rW)

383 The excuse for this display of pathetic meandering is that Johnson has Hepatitis C which causes him to "regularly get lost in the middle of a discussion."  This is supposed to make allowances for him I guess.  My question is why is he still in Congress?  Shouldn't he at least be on medical leave or something?  But of course we will all be called racist for saying any of this. 

Posted by: Deanna at April 01, 2010 05:57 AM (JXlgX)

384 Frankly, I'm concerned that too many comments on this thread will cause the internets to tip over and capsize.  

Posted by: marmo at April 01, 2010 06:02 AM (wpuKF)

385

389  Uhm, no, no it isn't (the least farthest we've been to the reality); the truly sad (or frightening) thing is that there are others just like him in Congress and this was just a memorable bit of teh stupid.

But, but "it's what plants want!"

Posted by: unknown jane at April 01, 2010 06:03 AM (5/yRG)

386 182 Why don't we just tow Guam a little closer to our shores, so we don't have American troops stationed over the international date line. Guam could be moved offshore of Milwaukee. I know it's April Fool's Day, but your comment is way too hilarious, and when I just laughed out loud, my dogs jumped up! Hey, maybe one of my dogs should have been put on the stand yesterday with this guy. My dogs are smarter than he is....

Posted by: chai at April 01, 2010 06:07 AM (n1l55)

387

I wonder how people in England keep that island from tipping over.  It's obviously loaded unevenly down south toward London.

Why do you think the part up north is called 'the Highlands'?

Biggest at the level? Least widest? Is that the same as the least wide, or the most narrow, mostest least not narrow, or something else? Least widest = widerish part? Along the level I mean.

I think he's talking about fuckin altitude.

7 x 24 - I don't know how man square miles that is, do you? It is a complicated question. Perhaps the navy could research this, we could give it a grant, say, 240 million dollars.

WTF is a 'square' mile anyway? What about in least squaredest miles?

Shall we call them 'rotund miles'?

He even sounds slow. I think this man is actually retarded.

Either that, or baked off his ass.

Are we sure he wasn't as high as the least lowest on the level of Everest?

Was this part of last Tuesday's LOST?

I did not know Guam had a black smoke monster.

Posted by: Entropy at April 01, 2010 06:12 AM (IsLT6)

388 This nearly happened last year to Manhattan when that pilot landed the commercial airliner in the Hudson.

Posted by: EvaTheFrisbeeDog at April 01, 2010 06:17 AM (L8jeB)

389 I am not sure he should be asking about the environmental implications of this if he doesn't know that the island can't tip over and capsize?  We truly have lost our way if complete morons like this get elected and are the best we can do... holy God.

Posted by: Chris at April 01, 2010 06:40 AM (Sl03x)

390 There. Are. No. Words.

Posted by: jewells at April 01, 2010 06:42 AM (l/N7H)

391

I really admire the navy guy's straight-faced reply. "We don't anticipate that." When what he really should have done is laugh hysterically and asked what several folks here already have: "Is that a joke?"

Posted by: Steve the Pirate's Wife at April 01, 2010 06:42 AM (ggqLL)

392

I would have played along and let him run with it.

"Yeah, I can see that happening. We think it's worth the risk."

"We haven't really thought about it all to be honest but we've been very lucky so far so why fret?"

"Well, you win some you lose some. It's only Guam. You'll never win big if you won't take a risk."

Posted by: Entropy at April 01, 2010 06:45 AM (IsLT6)

393 Adm. (after finished laughing) should have said 'No worry sir, we in the Navy have bow-thruster systems that can keep a 5000 man aircraft carrier upright, so an island should be no problem. Plus we learned from the Titanic and will also bring a full complement of life boats.

Posted by: Schwalbe at April 01, 2010 06:50 AM (UU0OF)

394
Drill in Alaska!  Shift the poles and make Kansas City the new North Pole!  They got great Barbecue!  I'll tell the elves to start packing!

Posted by: Santa at April 01, 2010 07:05 AM (UA4gE)

395 The good Admiral should have assuaged Mr. Johnson's fears and assured him that if the island did in fact tip over, the Navy is well equipped to flip it back rightside up by nudging it from beneath with a couple of submarines.  So no problem, really.

Posted by: /dev/null at April 01, 2010 07:18 AM (rGcVx)

396 Well duh,the navy could just have Rosie O'Donnell stand on the opposite side of the island that the base is on as a counter balance

Posted by: bulwarkThey at April 01, 2010 07:18 AM (PO/9k)

397 I've seen a lot of smack users in my day.
That guy is banging it up from across the street!
He's stacked up over Laguardia and ain't comin' down for no one!

Posted by: cbullitt at April 01, 2010 07:24 AM (M/WbE)

398 If I was on Guam and wanted to go swimming, I would be sure to go to the shore that's closest to the ocean.  It just makes sense.

Posted by: marmo at April 01, 2010 07:25 AM (wpuKF)

399 One of the crossbeams has gone out askew, apparently, on the treadle.

Posted by: Golem14 at April 01, 2010 07:36 AM (2X8VA)

400 YOU FOOLS! Don't you SEE?! If we put 2 manee peoples on Gwam the turlte holdn it up will get anngr and dive! Evvybody is drownded!!!!11!!

Posted by: richard mcenroe at April 01, 2010 07:38 AM (8BIN9)

401 Our shields can't deflect stupidity of that magnitude!

Posted by: Admiral Akbar at April 01, 2010 07:39 AM (IhQuA)

402 Maybe he voted for Obamacare to get a brain transplant?

Posted by: Robert Hooper at April 01, 2010 07:40 AM (fOczA)

403 And his first comment to his staff at lunch... "How'd I do?"

Posted by: Goomba at April 01, 2010 07:43 AM (6lRYQ)

404 I feel the same way about Florida. Expect it to snap off any day now.

Posted by: Goomba at April 01, 2010 07:45 AM (6lRYQ)

405

Area of Manhattan = 33 Sq Miles  Population 1.6 million

Area of Guam = 212 Sq. Miles   Population 175,000

Voters of Georgia's 4th District:  What were you thinking?

Posted by: Teleprompter at April 01, 2010 07:49 AM (NbmYl)

406 As long as lots of folks keep moving to Texas, the U.S. will not, repeat, not, tip over either on the California side or the New York side. See, its a balancing thingey.

Posted by: mikeyslaw at April 01, 2010 07:58 AM (QMGr1)

407 We're living in a kakistocracy.

Posted by: theCork at April 01, 2010 08:08 AM (L0cxG)

408

Here is the hep c article re Johnson:

http://tinyurl.com/y8vljf8 

 

Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 01, 2010 08:13 AM (0QJjg)

409 After reading it, kinda feel sorry for the man.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 01, 2010 08:16 AM (0QJjg)

410 Wilkow is playing this clip and taking calls on it. LOL.

pwnz3r3d!

Posted by: lemosley01 at April 01, 2010 08:35 AM (x7g7t)

411 Admiral: Well, sir, the new arrivals will be ordered to always keep one foot off the ground. That will cut the weight on the island in half.

Posted by: mikey at April 01, 2010 08:40 AM (GSeVd)

412 If he's too sick to make any damn sense, someone should talk sense into him and have him resign.

Posted by: Frank Ch. Eigler at April 01, 2010 08:56 AM (FJ+Jc)

413 His upcoming book: "Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Playing with Pool Toys"

Posted by: Matt at April 01, 2010 08:58 AM (J3jFV)

414 422: Exactly, if he is this impaired he shouldn't be in office. But this jut makes him about as smart as the rest of congress.

Posted by: Alex at April 01, 2010 09:00 AM (EkFe1)

415 How do we lose to these people (using "these people" in the non-racists term).

Somehow I would be willing to bet that 90% of the electorate that put this idiot in office have a certain skin color, and my bet is the opponent did not match.

Racism is alive and well, but we don't speak of it because it's hyphenated Americans that engage in it the most often.

And 90% of blacks voted for Obama.  Tell me I'm wrong.  What would happen if 90% of whites voted for any candidate?

Posted by: Pointing out the obvious at April 01, 2010 09:03 AM (xm1A1)

416 Please tell me WHY the GOP or Tea Party wouldn't run this as an ad for part of what's wrong with our government?  Is someone scared of hurting someone else's feelings or something?  This kind of stuff is too good not to use!

Posted by: Havedash at April 01, 2010 09:06 AM (sFD5n)

417 As a number of posters have noted I gather (Rush talked about it today) this man suffers from Hep C and is seriously ill and has been for awhile.  We should give the congressman a pass on this but go fangs out for Pelosi for putting this man on a committee.  What she's done is a cruel, callous deed that I suspect was made to placate the CBC as well as ensuring that this poor fellows antics (when the virus takes over) draws attention away from what the Dems are doing.  She is a bitch that needs to be neutered in November.

Posted by: scr_north at April 01, 2010 09:12 AM (xcq8v)

418 Okay, I listened to Rush and he said this guy is sick with Hep. C... now, how does this illness confuse you so much that you think an island acts the same way as a boat?   What, you forget all of what you learn in school about islands? He couldn't remember this small little fact due to his illness?  I don't buy it, the guy is an utter moron.

Posted by: Friarbones at April 01, 2010 09:15 AM (cEDiR)

Posted by: jwpaine at April 01, 2010 09:35 AM (g4J4S)

420 I don't buy that a disease is making that guy just plain ole butt stupid.  But, but, if so, for the sake of argument, I don't see where a pass is in order here.  If the guy is sick and that mentally unstable, then what's he doing having a voting seat in congress? 

Posted by: Havedash at April 01, 2010 09:45 AM (sFD5n)

421 We can also either slow or increase the rate of the Earths rotation if we face all of our cars in the US the same direction and floor the accelerators at exactly the same time.  But coast to a stop, because using the brakes will negate the effect.

Posted by: Hep Cee Talkin' at April 01, 2010 09:58 AM (zNd8g)

422 From the new "Ask Hank" blog:

Dear Hank: I live in mortal fear that if I ever take a ride in a helicopter, it will fall from the sky, crash, and kill me. What can I do?
Sid, BagofHammersville, GA

Dear Sid: That's a very good question, but the answer is so simple it might surprise you. Few people realize that you can simply step off the falling helicopter a moment or so before it hits the ground, and  walk away. Obviously, the US Air Force provides specialized training for its helicopter pilots, since training new ones is expensive.

Yrs Trudy,
Hank


Posted by: jwpaine at April 01, 2010 10:08 AM (g4J4S)

423

The kids riddin the short bus are smarter than this guy.

Posted by: Old Hippie Vet at April 01, 2010 10:15 AM (3IZGh)

424 @415 -

Well sure, Manhattan is smaller than guam and it has more people living on it.  But without some extraordinary engineering measures, Manhattan would capsize regularly.  Why do you think we have to fasten it to New Jersey with all those bridges?  Duh...


Posted by: /dev/null at April 01, 2010 10:22 AM (rGcVx)

425 aaaand I stole eman's joke from way up at #29.  But hey, all comedy is stolen anyway, so no harm done.  To quote the great Krusty the Clown, "If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!"

Posted by: /dev/null at April 01, 2010 10:27 AM (rGcVx)

426 ADM Willard is awesome. http://www.navy.mil/navydata/bios/navybio.asp?bioID=19

Posted by: brodie at April 01, 2010 10:33 AM (xs3GU)

427

Atlanta radio morning show this morning brought this up - consensus was, "Well, he's better than Cynthia McKinney." 

It doesn't really bug me that people like this have successful careers - it just bugs me when they are more successful than anyone I know. 

Posted by: Penultimatum at April 01, 2010 11:14 AM (LxXXO)

428 I suspect russia and china will probably attack any day now.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at April 01, 2010 12:54 AM (7VvJB)

 

What for?  More of these guys telling us how to live our lives, and we don't need any outside help.

Posted by: always right at April 01, 2010 12:32 PM (0AClR)

429 These posts are absoutely brilliant.  I can't quit laughing. God and the American people do have a sense of humor..at least conservatives do.

Posted by: Laughing Hard at April 01, 2010 01:25 PM (et22a)

430 "Tip over?????"
Whiskey.
Tango.
Foxtrot!!!!!

This isn't even in the realm of a potential mis-speak.

This is lunacy.  Pure and simple.

To quote Lloyd Christmas.

"Suck me sideways."

DaWG
A resident of America's Hat.©

Posted by: Dumbass White Guy at April 01, 2010 01:48 PM (lHEJI)

431 " If the guy is sick and that mentally unstable, then what's he doing having a voting seat in congress? " Okay. have you watched the news AT ALL in the last ten years?l

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433 Raised IQ of Atlanta when he left - raised IQ of Congress when he got there, and I hear they've tapped him as the next President after Obama......

Posted by: Jess at April 02, 2010 02:14 AM (JefgB)

434 There is definitely something in the water in the 4th district of Georgia. Maybe that district should "CAPSIZE" and elimate some of the stupidity !

Posted by: MGM at April 02, 2010 09:55 AM (rgjs6)

435

Uh, at the risk of being perilously off-topic, “…about the Navy's proposed relocation of 8,000 service personnel and their families to the Island of Guam…”

 

Guamistan?

 

Why did I not get the memo?

 

Posted by: Perk at April 02, 2010 10:58 AM (Gxyfk)

436 According to Admiral Robert Willard's new sign language expression, scratching your left eye thirteen times with your left index finger means " You're a moron !"

Posted by: UssTropicana at April 03, 2010 06:06 AM (pKxzP)

437

OMG--well-what about Obama not knowing how to spell "Syracuse, New York" or mispronounces Corpse-man for Corpsman? And Maxine Walters? "they we'r wavin dim American Flags!?? And Shirley Lee Jackson? dumb, dumb and dumber..these people are ALL two points above plant life. Oops forgot about Boxer and Al Gore.

Posted by: saxton at April 03, 2010 08:50 AM (XQriV)

438 As dumb as Johnson is, those who voted him in are even dumber. Can you imagine the poise and control the Admiral was forced to use rather than to lose his career? Who said, "A nation deserves the government it gets'?

Posted by: Col Bill at April 04, 2010 08:04 AM (0dtzg)

439 That would have been a good place for a teleprompter.....I wonder if Obama is that brilliant without his?

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Posted by: cutler at June 24, 2011 07:53 AM (IacFv)

468 They could easily do that through the coding on their website, and an organization like a campaign would have the resources to do it. If I had to guess, it would probably cost 200-400 dollars to get a programmer to add that functionality to a payment gateway if their system didn't have that in place already. But then you can't have someone donating millions of dollars in 100 dollar increments under different names, and we can't have that now can we?payday loans online

Posted by: pool cover pum at June 30, 2011 09:44 AM (zmqp+)

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Posted by: pool cover pum at June 30, 2011 11:32 AM (Ip+SH)

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