Ace of Spades HQ

September 22, 2010

"I Promise"/"That Said" Joke Thread
— Ace

I don't know how much can be mined from this joke, but last night, I was goofing on Obama's "We can absorb another 9/11" and started ridiculing it with the joke type, "I promise I will do everything in my power to avoid f***ing your sister; that said, tell her I like short skirts, the flouncy, summery kind."

Okay, that wasn't great, but I did crack two jokes I sort of love. For the second one, I am using "mug" in the 40's sense of "face."

"I promise you, Sir, I will treat your daughter with the utmost respect. She will not get pregnant, and she will not get addicted to drugs. That said, if you had to choose..."

But my favorite is:

"I promise, I will do everything in my power to avoid nutting in your mug. That said, full disclosure, my college nickname was 'Mug-Nutter.' "

Kinda wanted to share. I don't know if this a riffable joke, but we get good riffs around here, so I thought I'd toss it out there.

Posted by: Ace at 09:27 AM | Comments (234)
Post contains 185 words, total size 1 kb.

High school teapartier hates bad jokes:

http://tinyurl.com/2a8pmcf

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at September 22, 2010 09:29 AM (RkRxq)

2 First?

Posted by: Have Blue at September 22, 2010 09:29 AM (mV+es)

3 I promise I will stop killing hobos just to get an erection. That said, I intend to spend a lot of time by the railroad tracks this weekend.

Posted by: embittered redleg at September 22, 2010 09:30 AM (KLbhT)

4 Damn, shouldn't have refreshed to check before I posted.
That said the joke needs work. And the subject matter of the original post leaves me, lets say, Not In The Mood For Joking.

Posted by: Have Blue at September 22, 2010 09:31 AM (mV+es)

Well. That certainly worked out as planned:

http://tinyurl.com/2baj7fu

But "FIRST" anyway.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (RkRxq)

6 I promise I will do all I can to get a life outside of this blog. Having said that, my address is "Basement, Grandma's House."

Posted by: George Orwell at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (AZGON)

7 New thread and I got nuttin'...

Posted by: maddogg at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (OlN4e)

8 Simultaneous posting is a mental disorder

Posted by: ingenus at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (+sBB4)

9 Don't quit your day job.

Posted by: Never Mind at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (GgCmd)

10 I promise to take good care of your dog while you are gone. That said, she does seem to like peanut butter.

Posted by: kidney at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (ENRGu)

11 I promise, you can trust me to babysit your children tonight. That said, do you know if there's such a thing as a daycare slash escort service?

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 09:32 AM (KUUXH)

I promise that I hold the utmost commitment to a peaceful resolution of my differences with Israel.

*cell-phone rings in pocket, ringtone is "Another One Bites the Dust"*

That said, if you'll excuse me, I need to take this phone-call from Hezbollah...

Posted by: Pakistan at September 22, 2010 09:33 AM (kZVsz)

13 A 'riff' ? 'Nut-mugging in the 40s sense'?

Never heard of it...

There once was a maid from Nantucket................

Posted by: Charles Gibson at September 22, 2010 09:33 AM (dPcmp)

14 9 -- You're an idiot.

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 09:33 AM (KUUXH)

15 I promise to stop all terrorists from succeeding in carrying out another attack and project American strength. That said, I intend to bow down to every non-white Head of State I can find, gut our military strength, weaken our economy, and loosen up all our security procedures.

/Oh, you meant to post "I promise/That said" as jokes, not actual scenarios. My mistake.

Posted by: O'bumbles at September 22, 2010 09:34 AM (9hSKh)

16
You mean like:

I promise to end the deficit spending that has put our heirs into debt. That said, all government services will increase when I'm elected president?

Posted by: the unknown comic at September 22, 2010 09:34 AM (uFokq)

17 I promise not to take a dump in the punchbowl. That said, I've been drinking beer non-stop for three days and really need to take a nap.

Posted by: kidney at September 22, 2010 09:34 AM (ENRGu)

18 I promise I will never let the hideous, scowling ugly face of America-hating evil appear on our shores. That said, may I present to you the First Lady.

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 09:35 AM (bN5ZU)

19 I promise I will behave with the utmost professionalism and decorum.

That said, have you seen my "Hottest Reporter in Mexico" website?

Posted by: Ines Sainz at September 22, 2010 09:35 AM (BP6Z1)

20 All this humor over here is really pissing me off. Come on over to my humorless hell hole for some Islamic propagancrap.

Posted by: Charles Johnson at September 22, 2010 09:35 AM (mka2b)

21 My son is a fucking idiot. That said, my son is a fucking idiot.

Posted by: Never Mind's Mother at September 22, 2010 09:35 AM (N74P0)

22 I promise I will stop sending Sean Duffy dead chipmunks and pigeons to show him how much I love him. That said, I'm heading down to the park with a bag of poisoned trail mix.

Posted by: embittered redleg at September 22, 2010 09:35 AM (KLbhT)

I promise I didn't cop to the whole concept of the thread.

That said...

...

See what I mean!

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at September 22, 2010 09:36 AM (RkRxq)

Well. That certainly worked out as planned:

http://tinyurl.com/2baj7fu

But "FIRST" anyway.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at September 22, 2010 01:32 PM (RkRxq)

Socastee HS, wow, my wife went there for a period of time.

Posted by: Vic at September 22, 2010 09:36 AM (/jbAw)

I promise not to raise the nation's taxes.

That said, can anyone confirm the spelling of "confiscatory"?

Posted by: Zorachus at September 22, 2010 09:36 AM (Ssh+t)

26 I said if you like your healthcare plan you can keep it, having said that GIMME YOUR HEALTHCARE PLAN MOTHERFUCKER and THAT FUCKING CHAIN AND YOUR WALLET BIATCH!

Posted by: Preznent Obama at September 22, 2010 09:36 AM (JNqU9)

27 I promise I will let you get to 3rd base and beyond if you buy me a steak and lobster dinner. That said, I may be too full from eating all of that food tonight, so I'll let you know when I'm ready. Maybe next week? After prime rib?

Posted by: TheresaD at September 22, 2010 09:36 AM (K9XK2)

28 I promise I'll run a White House with this highest ethical standards and levels of transparency.

That said, what say I appoint scores of czars who don't have to be vetted or confirmed?

Posted by: 0bama at September 22, 2010 09:36 AM (BP6Z1)

I can hear it now.....four more years, _{^{four more years, four more years....}}

Christ, I don't think I can stand two more years of these imbeciles....

Posted by: maddogg at September 22, 2010 09:37 AM (OlN4e)

30 I promise a pot in every chicken. That said, that chicken is chock full of splooge.

Posted by: Toonces at September 22, 2010 09:37 AM (aOKEC)

31 I promise, I will do everything in my power to make sure our laundry doesn't get mixed up. With that said, I once had a tube sock commissioned as art by the USCFA called the Leaning Tower of Jizza.

Posted by: Editor at September 22, 2010 09:37 AM (pUfK9)

32 I agree with Christine O'Donnell that none of you should masturbate.That said, I need some Nare for my hands.

Posted by: kidney at September 22, 2010 09:37 AM (ENRGu)

33 I promise to never look at pron ever again.

That said, let me surf "whitehouse dot com" for a while...

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 22, 2010 09:37 AM (9hSKh)

34 I promise that I will lose weight.

That said, how about KFC for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Posted by: Meggic Mac at September 22, 2010 09:38 AM (9hSKh)

35 I promise to revere this nation and our shared values as much as our Founding Fathers. Having said that, I notice a deplorable absence of golf clubs in the boat depicted in "Washington Crossing The Delaware."

Posted by: B. Hussein Obama at September 22, 2010 09:38 AM (AZGON)

36 I promise I will take perfect care of your cat and make sure it doesn't get loose and get killed by a car. That said, FYI, it's just a fucking cat.

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 09:38 AM (KUUXH)

37 I promise that the stimulus packages will be overseen with the utmost scrutiny and efficiency.

That said, who wants to head out to Chuck E. Cheese's?!

Posted by: Sheriff Joe Biden at September 22, 2010 09:38 AM (BP6Z1)

38 Ann Althouse does NOT approve! Harumph!

Posted by: Jay in Ames at September 22, 2010 09:38 AM (UEEex)

39 I am committed to improving the governance of this nation. All of my thoughts, actions and decisions will be based upon that goal, and that alone. That said, I would like to introduce the VP of the United States, Joe Biden.

Posted by: Capt. Alexander J Smith at September 22, 2010 09:39 AM (R2fpr)

40 I promise not to look down the blouses of the well endowed. That said, I lied.

Posted by: kidney at September 22, 2010 09:39 AM (ENRGu)

41 I promise not to post anymore superfluous, nonsensical stories on Christine O'Donnell. That said, do you know Christine wore diapers until she was one-year old? Well, everybody else reported it, so it's newsworthy- right?

Posted by: Chris Coons at September 22, 2010 09:39 AM (CHrmZ)

42
I promise to restore our reputation around the world and improve our relationships with our allies.

That said, I'm gonna return this Chuchill bust thing to the British imperialists, cancel the missile shield program in Eastern Europe, and tell Israel they're on their own.

_{Am I doing this right?}

Posted by: the unknown comic at September 22, 2010 09:39 AM (uFokq)

43 Miss I promise to takegood care of your daughter and treat her with the utmost respect. That being said can you put her hair up in pig tails and dress her up in that hot white dress that hides stains so well?

Posted by: roman polanski at September 22, 2010 09:39 AM (71S/Z)

44 I propose a season on Ewoks. No limit, no restrictions exept you must bury all you off...

Posted by: maddogg at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (OlN4e)

45 I promise, calling you "my pet" has no sexual connotations at all.

That said, since you are my pet, I'm gonna name you "Sausage-Warmer."

Posted by: chris at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (SiJV8)

46 I promise to be your lawfully-wedded husband for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. That said, YOU WILL BLOW ME.

Posted by: Mel Gibson at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (kZVsz)

47 I promise to abstain from squeezin' titties until I get married. That said, I'ma gone squeeze those titties.

Posted by: gator at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (aOKEC)

48 I promise that I will kill you last, Sully. That said, I lied.

Posted by: John Matrix at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (9hSKh)

49 That said, FYI, it's just a fucking cat.

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 01:38 PM (KUUXH)

That that said, the cat is replacing the chicken?

Posted by: Vic at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (/jbAw)

50 I promise never to allow a lusty thought to distract me from.... Wait, what?

Posted by: kidney at September 22, 2010 09:40 AM (ENRGu)

51 I promise that if you like your coverage you can keep your coverage. That said, you don't like your coverage.

Posted by: BHO at September 22, 2010 09:41 AM (x6sIm)

52 I promise I'll keep supporting your blog no matter what. That said, just out of curiosity, can you make the blog give an electric shock to any cob loggers who post cat pictures?

Posted by: Mama AJ at September 22, 2010 09:41 AM (XdlcF)

53 For the second one, I am using "mug" in the 40's sense of "face."

Jokes that need an explanation kinda... make me sad.

Posted by: Sad Sack at September 22, 2010 09:41 AM (gbCNS)

54 I promise that I will do everything said to make sure everything in power is done to unite the 2 Americas. With that said, I really need to make sure that my 2 Worlds don't collide.

Posted by: John Edwards at September 22, 2010 09:42 AM (pUfK9)

55 I promise to do everything in my power not to ask Ace and his fucking cobloggers where they were while we were stuck in the unending thread from hell. That said, what the fuck were you guys doing all morning??!!

Posted by: redstatedeb at September 22, 2010 09:42 AM (CluUg)

56 I promise to fight for health and against obesity as long as I am First Lady, and to show how serious I am about that promise, will lead by example, starting my new White House garden.

That said, anybody have any BBQ rib seeds?

Posted by: Love, Michelle at September 22, 2010 09:42 AM (TZI/v)

57 I promise to do my utmost to protect Poland with American's nuclear umbrella. That said, here comes a gate...

Posted by: Barak O at September 22, 2010 09:43 AM (FcR7P)

58 I promise that if you stick your head in this bear's mouth, he won't bite. That said, his nickname is "Beary Bear Bear, the Head Biting Chew Bear".

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 22, 2010 09:43 AM (x6sIm)

59 hah on 45. I promise I will not take off my pants and rub my unshowered junk all over your furniture. That said, just FYI, which chairs would you say you like *least*?

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 09:43 AM (KUUXH)

60 As a certified swimming instructor, I promise I won't let your son, Billy, drown. That said, please make sure to spell my name correctly on my check, Henry Waterdeath, one R.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at September 22, 2010 09:43 AM (HaYO4)

Group grope.

Posted by: maddogg at September 22, 2010 09:43 AM (OlN4e)

62 I promise that I am committed to keeping the (insert team name) here in (city) permanently and winning a championship. That said, I'd like to move a few of the home games to freaking Canada and draft like an idiot for a decade.

Posted by: Guy of Gisbourne at September 22, 2010 09:43 AM (OUhpH)

63 Hey man let me borrow your car, trust me ill take good care of it. That being said....

Posted by: Bluto at September 22, 2010 09:44 AM (71S/Z)

64 I promise that I am a heterosexual. That said, can I invite you over for clam dip?

Posted by: Christina Romer at September 22, 2010 09:44 AM (BKOsZ)

65 I think this talk of nutting is despicable, that said, welcome to the Nut-Meade Cafe

Posted by: Anne Althaus at September 22, 2010 09:44 AM (ZsRGN)

66 I promise that I don't believe that Mike Castle fucks men up the ass. That said, how did Chris Coons' gerbil get a concussion?

Posted by: Christine O'Donnell at September 22, 2010 09:45 AM (bN5ZU)

67 I promise I didn't roofy the drink you just drank. That

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 22, 2010 09:45 AM (x6sIm)

68 I promise not to get physically ill every time Obama speaks, that said, what time does that prick speak at the UN today so I can be near a toilet?

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 22, 2010 09:45 AM (U5btG)

66 I promise that I don't believe that Mike Castle fucks men up the ass. That said, how did Chris Coons' gerbil get a concussion?

Thats an interesting question. He must have traveled the long road to the rectum.

Posted by: maddogg at September 22, 2010 09:46 AM (OlN4e)

I promise to treat you with the respect you deserve. That said...

Asshole.

Posted by: Mama AJ at September 22, 2010 09:46 AM (XdlcF)

71 redstatedeb- circle jerk

Posted by: ChiTown Jerry at September 22, 2010 09:46 AM (f9c2L)

72 I promise not to tax you in the mouth. That said, check's in the mail, sugar-tits.

Posted by: Pres. Obama at September 22, 2010 09:47 AM (ENRGu)

73 I promise that I love capitalism and white people, with that said I'm off to attend Rev. Wright's church.

Posted by: We Band of Brothers at September 22, 2010 09:47 AM (HwO7c)

74 I promise to behave while you're away, Mom and Dad. That said, behaving badly fulfills my promise.

Posted by: ya2daup at September 22, 2010 09:47 AM (FcKXR)

75 I promise that I really, really admire the Tea Partiers. That said, to hell with these fuckers for not supporting us!

Posted by: Ohio Democratic Chairman Chris Redfern at September 22, 2010 09:48 AM (9hSKh)

76 I promise to use my new Islamic Cultural Center to promote peaceful coexistence and cross-cultural understanding. That said, if you aren't down with me building it at Ground Zero, I can't speak for how long my less-understanding coreligionists will let your head stay attached to your neck.

Posted by: Rauf! Rauf! (Good boy!) at September 22, 2010 09:48 AM (fgCQL)

77 I promise I will take perfect care of your cat and make sure it doesn't get loose and get killed by a car.

Reminds me of this one:

A guy goes on vacation. He asks his buddy to watch his cat while he is gone.

He returns, and asks, "How's Fluffy." His buddy responds, "Oh, Fluffy's dead."

The guy is shocked, and says, "Man, you can't just blurt that out all at once! You have to ease me into the idea of her passing."

"What do you mean?" the buddy replies.

"Well, you first say 'Something happened with Fluffy. She got onto the roof.' Then you say 'We called the fire department.' Then you say "They made every effort to get her down.' Then you say 'Fluffy fell. We tried our best to revive her but she has sadly passed. I'm sorry.'"

"Okay," the buddy says. "I understand."

"So," the guy says, "How's my mom?"

"Well, first your mom got on the roof."

Posted by: angler at September 22, 2010 09:48 AM (SwjAj)

78 Hey this motel room is clean as a whistle. That being said, don't turn on a blacklight if you don't wanna go blind.

Posted by: Mr Pink at September 22, 2010 09:48 AM (71S/Z)

79 I promise I will not raise taxes on anyone earning less than $250,000 That said, we expect bread to cost $10,000 a loaf by the end of my second term

Posted by: nine coconuts at September 22, 2010 09:48 AM (DHNp4)

80 I promise not to choke-nut myself today. That being said, fap fap fap fapppppppppppppppppp

Posted by: David Carradine at September 22, 2010 09:48 AM (aOKEC)

81 I promise that if you jump, I will catch you. That said, the "c" on my keyboard is very close to the "w".

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 22, 2010 09:49 AM (x6sIm)

82 I promise I won't kill any of my people, with that said lets start the Great Leap Forward.

Posted by: Mao at September 22, 2010 09:49 AM (HwO7c)

83 I thought you meant COFFEE mug. I think it's funnier that way. 'cause...you know...why would you EVER...?

Posted by: moviegique at September 22, 2010 09:49 AM (ey5wt)

84 "I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, except maybe that "general welfare" thing in the preamble, because, well, sometimes shit happens, and we absorb it, like Pampers. So help me gmmmmpph."

Posted by: Barack H. Obama, January 21, 2009, as told to John Roberts that second time around at September 22, 2010 09:50 AM (N/Bgb)

85 I promise to never call your wife a MILF again, that said, is your daughter available?

Posted by: Fritz at September 22, 2010 09:50 AM (GwPRU)

86 Yes, hello Ms Couric , glad to be here.

I promise that Park 51 will be a community center dedicated to diversity and multiculturalism. I hope you will be there the day it opens.

That said....I'm sure you will look lovely in a Burqa behind the screen.

Posted by: Ibrahim Abdul-Matin at September 22, 2010 09:50 AM (Q1lie)

87 I promise to inspire a post-racial nation with my post-racial presidency. That said, I've had it with all these honkies slamming my policies and my golf game.

Posted by: praecisio at September 22, 2010 09:50 AM (fvR5g)

88 I promise not to .... Ah to hell with. Y'all know ahm lyin.

Posted by: Pres. Obama at September 22, 2010 09:50 AM (ENRGu)

89 I promise to show you a good time tonight. That said, if we end up going for a romantic midnight swim, remember to release your seat belt right when we hit the water, and do try to keep up.

Posted by: Teddy Kennedy at September 22, 2010 09:50 AM (fgCQL)

90 I promise to close Club Gitmo in January 2009.....that said, call this website number for Club Gitmo reservations.......

Posted by: President HopenChange at September 22, 2010 09:51 AM (06JTY)

91 I promise that I'll never stalk Bristol Palin and break into her house and steal her dirty panties. That said, I'll just masterbate with them on my face while I'm there.

Posted by: Old grizzled gym coach at September 22, 2010 09:51 AM (QBQcg)

92 I promise that stuffing my sausage into your fartbox is the last thing I'd want to do with you in bed.

That said, I've never been big on prioritizing.

Posted by: Warden at September 22, 2010 09:51 AM (fE6tn)

93 I promise I will not rest until the economy/oil spill/terrorist threat is resolved.
That said, "FORE!"

Posted by: jmflynny at September 22, 2010 09:51 AM (QR5c+)

94 We promise to pull out of Ace's mouth before we cum. That said, swallowing a quart of Andrew Sullivan's favorite beverage never hurt anyone.

Posted by: The AV Squad at September 22, 2010 09:51 AM (bN5ZU)

95 I promise not to drink and drive. That said, how else can I get back from the fucking liquor store?

Posted by: Nick Nolte at September 22, 2010 09:51 AM (BKOsZ)

96 I promise we're only going upstairs for pancakes. That being said, did you bring the syrup/lube?

Posted by: gator at September 22, 2010 09:52 AM (aOKEC)

97 I promised to work for the good of folks in need and not to further my own greed. That said, have you seen the number of ma-fuggin digits in my bank account!??

Posted by: Pres. Obama at September 22, 2010 09:52 AM (ENRGu)

98 I promise i will not fuck your garbage That said, are you finished with that banana?

Posted by: nine coconuts at September 22, 2010 09:52 AM (DHNp4)

99 I promise not to have sex with 20 hookers tonight. That said, I could always use a 2nd or 3rd spare cougar condom.

Posted by: Dick Cheney. at September 22, 2010 09:53 AM (IhQuA)

100 "Let me be clear/As I've always said" works pretty well for this joke, too. You just need a day to pass in between.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 22, 2010 09:53 AM (x6sIm)

101 I promise not to get drunk, fly to Cannes, do a few grams of good blow, and miss court. ****Snort That being said, this isn't really good blow.

Posted by: Lindsay Lohan at September 22, 2010 09:53 AM (BKOsZ)

102 I promise not to drink and drive. That said, how else can I get back from the fucking liquor store? Posted by: Nick Nolte at September 22, 2010 01:51 PM (BKOsZ) Hitch a ride with the Jet's Brayland Edwards

Posted by: nevergiveup at September 22, 2010 09:53 AM (U5btG)

103 I promise I will stop making gorilla cookies. That said, *slams face into dough*.

Posted by: Maxine Waters at September 22, 2010 09:54 AM (aOKEC)

104
I promise not to explode in your mouth.
That being said, do you like asparagus?

Posted by: Vegan liar at September 22, 2010 09:55 AM (rMMMP)

105 I promise to promise you dumb flocks whatever the hell I think you jackasses want to hear. That said, fire up the prompter.

Posted by: Pres. Obama at September 22, 2010 09:55 AM (ENRGu)

106 I promise that my life is dedicated to the rational, placid world of education and the advancement of humanity. That said, you think you're life is worth that booster seat?

Posted by: Dr. Amy F'n Bishop at September 22, 2010 09:55 AM (R2fpr)

107 I promise to do my utmost to achieve peace with the Jews. That said, have you ever noticed how peaceful a graveyard can be?

Posted by: Mahmoud Abbas at September 22, 2010 09:55 AM (fgCQL)

108

I promise you I'm telling you all the straight-up truth on everything I know.

That said... *drools on himself*

Posted by: Bobby Gibbs at September 22, 2010 09:56 AM (kZVsz)

109 I promise that we will complete the wall along our border with Mexico. That said, have I ever told you my favorite opening line from poetry is, "Something there is that doesn't love a wall"?

Posted by: Barry McBoing-Boing, Preznint at September 22, 2010 09:56 AM (FcKXR)

110 I promise that I'll never be a propaganda tool for palestinian terrorists. That said, "Holy shit that bulldozer isn't stopping!".

Posted by: Rachel "Pancakes" Corrie at September 22, 2010 09:57 AM (QBQcg)

111 I am only interested in a therapeutic massage of my thigh muscles. That being said, I need you to release my second chakra.

Posted by: Al Gore at September 22, 2010 09:57 AM (ecpMe)

112 I promise to Allah that I will no longer be plundering the booties of the young men. That said, where is that fine young Achmed?

Posted by: Average Mo at September 22, 2010 09:57 AM (ENRGu)

113 I promise iwont embarrass my family in public. That being said, someone grab an 8 ball of coke, video camera, and their junk and meet me in the back alley in 5 minutes.

Posted by: Paris Hilton at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (71S/Z)

114 I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now, watch this drive.

Posted by: Barack Obama, Michael Moore's caddy. at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (N/Bgb)

115 I promise that I will refrain from talking incessantly about how awesome I am. That said, how awesome do you think I am?

Posted by: Meggie "McCans" McCain at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (FcKXR)

116 I promise you, I'm starving and harmless because of global warming. That being said, come a little closer you dumb fucking environmentalist.

Posted by: Polar Bear at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (BKOsZ)

117 I promise to absorb unused human potential.

Posted by: Michelle's Tampon at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (gbCNS)

118

i promise that was some sweet stinky weed i just smoked.

that said......... this SLT sandwish i'm about to eat is looking damn good. (thats a slimjim,lettuce,tomato sandwish)

Posted by: Racefan at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (Mnl5B)

119 Your Twitter riff last night was pretty damn funny.

Posted by: NYCcon at September 22, 2010 09:58 AM (jLXdE)

120 I promise to moderate this debate fairly and to the highest journalistic standards. That said, have you heard about my book set to come out after the election: The Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama

Posted by: Gwen Ifill at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (1AnxB)

121 I promise that I will serve you well and faithfully, and never lead you astray. That said, I ordered AVS turned off on the campaign website day two, Bill Ayers catered the housewarming party I had in the house made possible by Rezko, and servciemen and women are an inconvenience.......

Posted by: TOTUS at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (R2fpr)

122 I promise to value substance over style. That said, pants creases and articulate black men give me kick-stand boners that could sculpt diamonds into snowflakes.

Posted by: Matthews-Brooks Tag Team Circle Jerk Captains at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (2wqtL)

123 Isn't this also the D's approach to crime? Tolerate it and address various more or less dubious "root causes."

Posted by: slickdpdx at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (RIdwM)

124 I promise build the dang fence! That said, my friends!

Posted by: John Conservativer Than Thou McCain at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (ENRGu)

125 America is an exceptional country that said, so is every other country. I will end the politics as usual That said, fuck you crazy Republicans for not kissing my ass. I am not a socialist that said, let me introduce my socialist America hating cabinet [just about everything erkle says fits into this joke, only not in a funny way]

Posted by: nine coconuts at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (DHNp4)

126 I promise there's no more witchcraft since hgih school. That said, abracadabra, calimazeee, get out of the way if you won't support me!

Posted by: redstatedeb at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (CluUg)

127 The mention of Gibbs makes me wonder why there was never a Major Garrett farewell post here.

I had begun to wonder there for a while if Major couldn't have turned Gibbs into one of Pavlov's dogs. I don't think it would have been long before Gibbs could simply have heard Major's name and have broken out in a sweat.

The experiment could be fun, but now who will play along?

Posted by: jmflynny at September 22, 2010 09:59 AM (QR5c+)

128 I promise that stuffing my sausage into your fartbox is the last thing I'd want to do with you in bed.

That said, I've never been big on prioritizing.

Posted by: Warden at September 22, 2010 01:51 PM (fE6tn)

Excellent - really captures the meta-concept of the form.

A variant:

I promise that of all the things I'd ever do to you, giving it to you up the tuchus is the last thing on the list.

That said, I'm Jewish, my list is in Hebrew, and I read it right to left.

Posted by: Mahmoud Abbas at September 22, 2010 10:00 AM (fgCQL)

129 I promise I contribute to democrat causes because I care for this country. That said, did you know I make money from economic disasters

Posted by: G. Soros at September 22, 2010 10:00 AM (1AnxB)

130 We promise to engage in smart, thoughtful dialog with you wingnuts. That being said, RACISTS!!11!

Posted by: The left at September 22, 2010 10:00 AM (4XUD3)

131

I promise to maintain your daughter's honor, sir. That being said, she's drained more dicks than a week-long stakeout.

Posted by: gator at September 22, 2010 10:01 AM (aOKEC)

132

I promise you all my math and reasoning skills are par excellence.

That said, the teabaggerzzz are exactly why Democrats are gonna pick up 175 seats in the house this November!

Posted by: snapdragon at September 22, 2010 10:01 AM (5npD/)

133 I promise to cut spending, blow up the boxes, and make California friendly to business. That said, if it's too hard or if my Kennedy wife doesn't let me, I'll just let the state go to statist hell.

Posted by: Arnold Schwartzeneger at September 22, 2010 10:02 AM (QxFRN)

134 I promise, it gets bigger, much bigger. That being said, do you mind bending over to pick up that dollar bill behind you. ***Eyes up stinkhole thinking he might not notice.

Posted by: Ewok Boner at September 22, 2010 10:02 AM (BKOsZ)

135

I promise to be faithful, that said, I'm spending the weekend in the montains with my personal faith coach, Raul.

Posted by: EZB at September 22, 2010 10:03 AM (Ty06w)

136 I promise I didn't sneak into your bed while you were sleeping and blow you with a mouth full of razor blades. That said, your mom's mouth is full of razor blades and your penis.

Posted by: Your Dad at September 22, 2010 10:03 AM (bN5ZU)

137 I promise you that I know it is wrong that I have overstayed my visa,
That said if I come as an immigrant, you have the obligation to make me a citizen.

Posted by: Aunt Zeituni at September 22, 2010 10:03 AM (Q1lie)

138 I promise you that I will always serve you with honor. That said, what my backstabbing staff said about Palin. No comment.

Posted by: John Conservativer Than Thou McCain at September 22, 2010 10:03 AM (ENRGu)

139 I promise I won't make you do anything you've told me you'd rather not do. That said, which would you rather not do: take it up the ass or in the mouth?

Posted by: stuiec at September 22, 2010 10:04 AM (fgCQL)

140 I promise to only put the tip in. That said, it's going in your ass.

Posted by: O-Bumrape at September 22, 2010 10:04 AM (DkEUV)

141 I promise that I didn't eat the lead paint chips. That said, JOBS!

Posted by: Joe Biden at September 22, 2010 10:04 AM (ENRGu)

142 I promise with every fiber ofmy being not to be critical about the lack of fresh threads today. That said, i this is what we waited all damned morning for I must ask are you phoning it in now??

Posted by: redstatedeb at September 22, 2010 10:04 AM (CluUg)

143 We can absorb an oil well spill. We'll do everything we can to prevent it, but even a Deepwater Horizon, even the biggest spill ever . . . we absorbed it and we are stronger. Now, shut up about that moratorium, because I won, and when we're trying to mop up a mess, don't tell us how to hold the mop.

Posted by: Barack Obama, the One we've been waiting for. at September 22, 2010 10:05 AM (N/Bgb)

144 I promise not to keep fucking that chicken. That said, let's buff its claws away.

Posted by: The Mega Indepedent at September 22, 2010 10:05 AM (x6sIm)

145 I promise that I will not expect Preznint Barry McBoing-Boing to pay for my groceries. That said, where the hell is the money from his stash to pay for my mortgage, for my gas, and for my Saturday night walkin' around money?

Posted by: Obama Zombie at September 22, 2010 10:05 AM (FcKXR)

146 I promise watching that gay porn didn't excite me, Manchelle. That said, what did the doctor say about my ripped penis skin?

Posted by: Toonces at September 22, 2010 10:06 AM (aOKEC)

147 I promise that I will be a post-partisan uniter who will work not just with the Red States or the Blue States, but the United States. That said, I won.

Posted by: SeeBS at September 22, 2010 10:06 AM (5GlNS)

148 I promise not to rape your dog.
No really, I mean it this time.....but she is asking for it looking all sexy and shit.

Posted by: Pat Caddell at September 22, 2010 10:06 AM (Y81Xa)

149 " I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again: I did not have contractual relations with that Illegal Immigrant , Pedro Martinez, I never told anybody to FIX MY ROOF, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

Posted by: Colin Powell at September 22, 2010 10:06 AM (wGi6Y)

150

I swear to God, the next person that hits on me on my own blog is getting banned so hard, they won't be able to check their email for a week.

That said, I took some more pictures of myself in a skin-tight WonderWoman costume! Link.

Posted by: Pam Gellar at September 22, 2010 10:07 AM (5npD/)

151 I promise I am not a political junkie who reads right-wing blogs all day. That said, the Gwen Ifill joke at #120 made me laugh.

Posted by: 2008 Ifill Joke Fan at September 22, 2010 10:08 AM (bN5ZU)

152

Posted by: Your Dad at September 22, 2010 02:03 PM (bN5ZU)

Okay, that was definately what I call funny

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at September 22, 2010 10:08 AM (HaYO4)

153 I promise your ass isn't too big, Michelle. That said, I'm wasing my breath because you can't even hear me standing behind your ass.

Posted by: Toonces at September 22, 2010 10:08 AM (aOKEC)

154

I promise to treat you as my pet when you get elected Chris.

That said, get on your knees and smile like a doughnut.

Posted by: Harry Reid at September 22, 2010 10:10 AM (Umz0d)

155 We promise that we are an eager partner with the U.S to resolve the immigration issue, and want the U.S. to stop construction of the border fence. That being said, construction of of our own fence on the border with Guatemala will continue.

Posted by: Mexico, we were here long before you sucka at September 22, 2010 10:10 AM (4XUD3)

156 I promise I like the neighbors. That said, pass a toothpick.

Posted by: Jeff Dahmer at September 22, 2010 10:10 AM (ENRGu)

157 I promise not to use any unfair advantage to keep hold of power. That said, I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I unveiled this NEW LOGO!!!!!!

Posted by: Democrats at September 22, 2010 10:11 AM (N74P0)

158

"I promise"? Never heard of it.

That said . . . I've still never head of it.

Posted by: Charles Gibson at September 22, 2010 10:11 AM (pfStM)

159 I promise that the Tea Party name's origin was not an innuendo. That said, open wide, Dems!

Posted by: Sam Adams at September 22, 2010 10:12 AM (ENRGu)

160 I promise that I will curb my man-crush for Marco Rubio. That said, Sean Duffy is on deck.
I promise that I will curb my man-crush for Sean Duffy. That said, I'll be in the back room drowning my sorrows with Valu-Rite vodka and peppercorn hobo jerky.

Posted by: Ace (Sure, we believe ya) at September 22, 2010 10:13 AM (FcKXR)

161 I promise not to bend your grandmother over the dining room table during Thanksgiving and cornhole her within an inch of her life.

That said, do you know if Fixodent can double as a lubricant?

Posted by: Joe Biden at September 22, 2010 10:13 AM (wZzFz)

162 I promise that I'll give you a reach-around. That said, I'm done.

Posted by: Countrysquire at September 22, 2010 10:14 AM (e910j)

163

I promise I'm going to spend all next weekend hiking in the foothills. Alone.

That said, anybody know how many SkyMiles you need to cover a ticket to Argentina?

Posted by: Mark Sanford at September 22, 2010 10:14 AM (5npD/)

164 I promise you that I am not so disillusioned and angry about this government that I would bring down the levy and flood the whole place. That said, where are the matches?

_{And the gasoline.}

Posted by: Sam Adams at September 22, 2010 10:14 AM (ENRGu)

165

I promise to support gov't run health care in Massachusetts.

With that said, I've always been against gov't run health care, and I promise to repeal ObamaCare once I'm elected president.

With that said . . .

Posted by: Mitt Romney at September 22, 2010 10:14 AM (pfStM)

166 I promise i am really into bloging again and will start posting really good stuff as soon as i get up. That said, I get pretty tired after going to all these DC dinner parties and usually wake up at the crack of 2:00

Posted by: nine coconuts at September 22, 2010 10:15 AM (DHNp4)

167 I promise I'm not headed to my bunk after hearing mention of Pam Gellar in a skin-tight Wonder Woman costume. That being said, Bunk!

Posted by: DPR VIII at September 22, 2010 10:15 AM (4XUD3)

168 I promise I have no plans on a 2012 presidential run. That said, do you have any idea where Bill's cigar box is?

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at September 22, 2010 10:15 AM (HjxoE)

169

I promise to continue being a good soldier for MSNBC, even if they don't advertise me enough

With that said, I'm gonna f*ckin' TORCH THIS PLACE!

Posted by: Ed Schultz at September 22, 2010 10:16 AM (pfStM)

170 >>>I promise to do everything in my power not to ask Ace and his fucking cobloggers where they were while we were stuck in the unending thread from hell. That said, what the fuck were you guys doing all morning??!! yeah... I kind of got my hours all fucked up to hell again and have been waking at the crack of 11:20. then I have to get my coffee on. And sometimes the cob-loggers are busy too. I have to get up earlier; this shit is crazy. That said, I need to hunt for Japanese porn for three or four hours at the end of every night.

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 10:16 AM (KUUXH)

171 I promise to stop using the lame-ass "economy as a car" metaphor to bash Republicans. That said, does anybody here know if a Segway has a forward and a reverse gear?

Posted by: Barry McBoing-Boing, Preznint at September 22, 2010 10:16 AM (FcKXR)

172

i promise i dont dislike my cat that lives outside.

that said, if his ass walks around on the hood of my car or truck one more time he is going to meet the wrong end of a Beretta 380.............

Posted by: Racefan at September 22, 2010 10:17 AM (Mnl5B)

173 I promise I'm on the pill. That being said, did I mention I love love LOVE babies?

Posted by: Octomom at September 22, 2010 10:17 AM (OKZrE)

174 I promise that I never made any comments about eliminating millions of Americans. That said, I just made a presentation to Barry on the reeducation camps, complete with the Zyklon B 'anti-bacterial' showers...

Posted by: Billy Ayers at September 22, 2010 10:17 AM (1AnxB)

175 I promise I will not try to pressure you into butt sex again. That said, we've got a lot of amyl nitrate left over, and that stuff doesn't keep forever.

Posted by: Tyler Durden at September 22, 2010 10:18 AM (rGcVx)

176 I promise I harbor no ill-will towards the people of Israel. That being said, I booked a flotilla headed for Gaza next month.

Posted by: Helen Thomas at September 22, 2010 10:18 AM (HjxoE)

177 The thing I love about Ace is his complete lack of self-esteem. Also, how bad his jokes are.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at September 22, 2010 10:18 AM (epBek)

178 I promise to be more respectful of women, and not to oogle the new admin, even if she does insist on wearing short skirts. That said, I'll be in my bunk

Posted by: nine coconuts at September 22, 2010 10:19 AM (DHNp4)

179 I promise I didn't do anything to your pudding cup. That said, do you have any soap that is gentle on balls?

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 22, 2010 10:20 AM (yNfi1)

180 I promise that I am for the will of the people. That said, if those dumb hicks vote wrong in the primary I'll cut off their candidates' funding. And I'll give their Dem opponents all the oppo research they could ever want. Oh and I'll see to it that our guy doesn't endorse the winner. And I'll support a third party run, a write in campaign, anything, ANYTHING, JUST PLEASE, GOD, DON'T LET US LOSE CONTROL TO THOSE HICKS!!!

Posted by: Sam Adams at September 22, 2010 10:20 AM (ENRGu)

181 I promise that I don't have any STD's. That said, where you aware that the generic version of Herpecin costs $1.79 less?

Posted by: The Situation at September 22, 2010 10:20 AM (sFXh8)

182 I promise this video won't make it onto internet, baby - it's just for the two of us.
That being said, sign this consent form.

Posted by: DPR VIII at September 22, 2010 10:21 AM (4XUD3)

183

I promise to be faithful to golf and be a good role model to my children.

That said, have you seen the tits on that cocktail waitress?

Posted by: Tiger Woods at September 22, 2010 10:21 AM (pfStM)

184 I promise as your room mate to flush after ever bowel movement... That said, I'm applying for an NEA grant.

Posted by: naturalfake at September 22, 2010 10:22 AM (+kzvp)

185 103 I promise I will stop making gorilla cookies. That said, *slams face into dough*.

Posted by: Maxine Waters at September 22, 2010 01:54 PM (aOKEC)

I have no words for the perfection of this imagery. That said, perfect imagery.

Posted by: MWR at September 22, 2010 10:22 AM (4df7R)

186 We promise that we will not deliver pudding cups to the talking heads in the MFM on Election Night while they're on-air. That said, can we convince Sandra "Ol' Pudding Cups" Lee to do it for us?

Posted by: Morons and Moronettes at September 22, 2010 10:23 AM (FcKXR)

187 I swear I could do this all day. That said, gotta work.

Posted by: kidny at September 22, 2010 10:24 AM (ENRGu)

188 I promise that the Democratic Party is actually leading in the polls, and is enjoying a surge in momentum that will carry it to victory in every state. This is due to my impeccable leadership. That said, all of my minions have permission to burn me in effigy.

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at September 22, 2010 10:25 AM (R2fpr)

189

I promise to, like, never do, you know, drugs and stuff? Like, ever again? And, like, you know, get caught and stuff? And, like, totally pretend my cocaine is gum? And that, like, the purse it's, like, in, like, isn't my purse? Even though I totally, like, bought it a couple weeks ago? And, like, totally took pictures saying how aws'm it was? So, like I guess I promise that I'm not a total druggie skank celebrity entitlement whore?

That said, like, what do you mean I can't visit Japan?

Posted by: Paris Hilton at September 22, 2010 10:26 AM (4df7R)

190 I am generally not a pedant, but would it be proper to "in your mug" or "on your mug"?

Posted by: Alamo at September 22, 2010 10:27 AM (Mqupr)

191 I solemnly promise not to "choke a bitch" for the rest of the year.
Who am I kidding, I'm "choking a bitch" this weekend. Almost had you though!

Posted by: Dick Cheney at September 22, 2010 10:28 AM (Y81Xa)

192 I promise I've been tested. That said, your insurance probably pays for Valtrex.

Posted by: Andrew at September 22, 2010 10:28 AM (jaetI)

193 I promise not to say anything about the size of your ass; that said, when did you get a hippo to ride on.......

Posted by: Barack at September 22, 2010 10:29 AM (Mqupr)

194 Posted by: Alamo at September 22, 2010 02:27 PM (Mqupr)

Two different styles of finishes there Alamo...

Posted by: Peter North at September 22, 2010 10:29 AM (1AnxB)

195 103 -

I promise not to laugh at mean-spirited, off color jokes ever again. That said, "gorilla cookies" is about the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Posted by: /dev/null at September 22, 2010 10:30 AM (rGcVx)

196

"cob-loggers"

Man, that sounds perverse.

That said, it can't beat an octopus shoved up the ass of a small Japanese girl.

Posted by: Rev Dr James Caan at September 22, 2010 10:30 AM (tcSZb)

197 I swear I think you are lovely. That said, are you related to Michael Dorn?

Posted by: Barack at September 22, 2010 10:31 AM (Mqupr)

198 I promise that if you put your ass in the air, I won't stuff my cock in it...That said, are there any shoehorns around here?

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at September 22, 2010 10:33 AM (+3fAP)

199 I promise all of your foul language makes you sound like a tough guy. That said, may I borrow your tutu?

Posted by: Rahm Emmanuel's daughter at September 22, 2010 10:33 AM (Mqupr)

200 "I promise not to cum in your mouth. That said, did you know that recent survey showed that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend semen to fight cavities?" Dr. Christian Szell (D) Weisser angel

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at September 22, 2010 10:33 AM (9Cooa)

201 I assure you, Ace, that as soon as I find a job I will send you a nice contribution to help maintain the website. But that being said, I'm really not looking for a job...

Posted by: spongeworthy at September 22, 2010 10:35 AM (rplL3)

202 Two different styles of finishes there Alamo...

Ahhh! I knew the erudition of the moron nation would enlighten me.......

Posted by: Alamo at September 22, 2010 10:36 AM (Mqupr)

203

I find this thread to be morally reprehensible. That being said, smile and say, "cheese!!11!!!"

Posted by: Nuticus Maximus Facialis at September 22, 2010 10:37 AM (o7EOv)

204 I promise if you let me borrow your pudding, I won't dip my balls in it. That said, what's that behind you?

Posted by: Alamo (November 2nd) at September 22, 2010 10:38 AM (Mqupr)

205

I promise to quite making suggestive comments about my fellow democrats' looks and demeanor.

That said, Hillary's hair clip makes her look like this piece of ass I picked up at the Tropicana back in 1984.

Posted by: The Esteemed Sen. Harry Reid at September 22, 2010 10:40 AM (4df7R)

206 I promise you I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinski.

That said, we all know she was on my wiener like a chicken on a Junebug.

Posted by: Slick Willie at September 22, 2010 10:41 AM (4XUD3)

207 I promise to use a condom. That said, bend over you little twink, I'm a U.S. Congressman and I fuck who ever I want, however I want.

Posted by: Barney Frank at September 22, 2010 10:44 AM (Mqupr)

208 I've learned my lesson. I promise I will no longer support amnesty for illegal aliens. That said, I now support importing Mexicans and deporting gooks.

Posted by: Sen. John McCain at September 22, 2010 10:47 AM (Mqupr)

209 I promise I won't throw it hard. That said, let me introduce myself, I'm Randy Johnson.

Posted by: Joe at September 22, 2010 10:55 AM (bUWh3)

210 I promise you I will not embarrass you at your sister's wedding. That said, most people would say it's complimentary to be told they have "blowjob lips."

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 11:18 AM (KUUXH)

211 I want to raise my son right, and make sure he is emotionally supported, and doesn't grow up with "issues" stemming from my behavior. That said, it's really funny to keep taunting him "I made you with my dick."

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 11:20 AM (KUUXH)

212 I promise you, I am a hard-headed realist who sees things as they are.

That said, do you have any heavy-duty foil?

Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at September 22, 2010 11:26 AM (kJXs1)

213 I promise you, I'm a naturally funny person.

That said, I just flew here and boy, are my arms tired!

Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at September 22, 2010 11:31 AM (kJXs1)

214 I promise you, I'm Mr. Magnetism.

That said, I just killed another thread.

Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at September 22, 2010 11:31 AM (kJXs1)

215 That said, I need to hunt for Japanese porn for three or four hours at the end of every night.

Posted by: ace at September 22, 2010 02:16 PM (KUUXH

Well, Ace. 'Nuff said.

Posted by: redstatedeb at September 22, 2010 11:35 AM (CluUg)

216

I promise with all of my heart that I won't stay up every night watching Japanese pron. That said, the headline thread is going to be up 'til 2pm, morons, so get used to it!

*submitted for Ace at his insistence

Posted by: redstatedeb at September 22, 2010 11:42 AM (CluUg)

217 Let's try this..

I promise to provide for the common defense.

That said, I can't lose the Democratic party.

Not really a "joke," 'cause it's true.

Posted by: franksalterego at September 22, 2010 12:01 PM (+6fgE)

218 I PROMISE that I won't penetrate your anus. That said, you don't happen to have any astroglide around here do you?

Posted by: Cocklebur at September 22, 2010 12:17 PM (M+s4E)

219 I promise to spend all my energy and effort working to make your life better. That said, "Fore!"

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 01:10 PM (RziEj)

220

I promise that I am a Christian and I pray every single day.

That said, man, are Christians a bunch of bitter clingers or what?

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 01:14 PM (RziEj)

221

I promise to listen to all your concerns and take them seriously.

That said, I'm eating my waffles.

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 01:15 PM (RziEj)

222

I promise, the Gulf is a great place to vacation right now.

That said, see you later, we're off to Asheville, Malibu, Spain, and Martha's Vineyard.

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 01:17 PM (RziEj)

223

I promise, I just need you to work out that tension in my shoulders.

That said, release my inner chakra, bitch.

Posted by: Al Gore at September 22, 2010 01:21 PM (RziEj)

224

I promise, I didn't mean anything by the "lipstick on a pig" comment.

That said, Sarah Palin's a pig who wears lipstick.

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 01:26 PM (RziEj)

225

I promise, I have never engaged in sex with dudes.

That said, they don't call Reggie Love my "body man" for nothin.'

Posted by: Barack Obama at September 22, 2010 01:30 PM (RziEj)

226

I promise to bring the best and brightest into my cabinet. That said, does anyone know any black businesswomen?

I am a glad to babysit your kids, and promise to take excellent care of them. That said, are you sure you won't be home before 10 pm?

Posted by: plaidunicorn at September 22, 2010 01:49 PM (6a9j4)

227

I promise I will treat women with the respect and deference they so richly deserve.

That said, if this hooker I have tied up in my van doesn't stop whimpering, there's gonna be fuckin' trouble.

Posted by: UGAdawg at September 22, 2010 01:58 PM (rkgW/)

228 I promise I didn't rip that horribly rancid fart. That said, I've lost 3 pounds since I started this chili and anchovy diet last week.

Posted by: Kurt at September 22, 2010 02:03 PM (/DG71)

229 I swear I'm not obsessed with Mormon men with strange names that rhyme with "spit". That being said, do you know who benefits from this?

Posted by: runningrn at September 22, 2010 05:02 PM (8GYOu)

230

Oops! I forgot to put on my Hugh Hewitt sock, darn!

Posted by: runningrn at September 22, 2010 05:02 PM (8GYOu)

231

I believe in "State's rights" that said, your state has the right to remain silent while I attempt to control the narrative of your racist immigration law.

The One to Governer Brewer.

Posted by: Strategic Corporal USMC at September 22, 2010 06:07 PM (R2fpr)

232

I promise to have the most ethical and transparent administration, that said we're buying shrimp here guys, come on...

Posted by: Strategic Corporal USMC at September 22, 2010 06:09 PM (R2fpr)

233

I promise to "reset" our foreign relations, that said enjoy this iPod with my speeches on it queenie...

Posted by: Strategic Corporal USMC at September 22, 2010 06:11 PM (R2fpr)

234 I promise my healthcare bill will lower costs, that said little Johnny needs a ventilator for his asthma attack.

Posted by: Strategic Corporal USMC at September 22, 2010 06:13 PM (R2fpr)

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