Ace of Spades HQ

February 04, 2010

If God Doesn't Exist, How Do Miracles Happen?
— Ace

End of argument.

Thanks to scm.

Joke: I didn't even bother to check if it was real or not; I didn't really care, to be honest. It was funny.

It's not real, Slublog tells me. It's from their joke pages.

Posted by: Ace at 12:31 PM | Comments (99)
Post contains 56 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Must. Have. Dip. Balls.

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:33 PM (AZGON)

2 If God exists, does he Dip?

Posted by: Holger at February 04, 2010 12:34 PM (8NGHm)

3 there goes my diet

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 04, 2010 12:34 PM (0GFWk)

4 That's beautiful man. [sniff] Beautiful.

Posted by: joncelli at February 04, 2010 12:34 PM (RD7QR)

5 This is kosher right?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 04, 2010 12:34 PM (0GFWk)

6 Obama. That's how.

Posted by: Chris Matthews at February 04, 2010 12:35 PM (o/6if)

7 My God, it has a shelf life of 12 years. It's better than a marriage.

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:35 PM (AZGON)

8 Posted by: This is Kissel at February 04, 2010 04:34 PM (kNCf7)

Mancard, hand it over. Now.

Posted by: Holger at February 04, 2010 12:35 PM (8NGHm)

9 ask 'Allahpundit' at the other blog.

miracles are 'contra mundum' ( the opposite of the expected ) so they cause us to wonder.

Posted by: SantaRosaStan at February 04, 2010 12:35 PM (JrRME)

Jeezus. Maybe I better get back into the fold.

That should be one of the official ball-dipping sauces.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 04, 2010 12:36 PM (q3udb)

11 Why wasn't this sent to the US immediately upon invention? I'll tell you why, the Icebacks hate us, and the feeling is mutual. Now give me squeeze bacon.

Posted by: 4thGenerationBuck at February 04, 2010 12:36 PM (AtjNL)

12 The embarrassment when I ordered was what Obama should feel whenever giving a speech about reducing the deficit. This occurred last April 1. Gee am I dumb.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at February 04, 2010 12:36 PM (ndlFj)

13 It's one of their practical joke pages, unfortunately.

Posted by: Slublog at February 04, 2010 12:37 PM (qjKko)

14 can you carry it onto an airplane?

Posted by: kurtilator at February 04, 2010 12:37 PM (juh4Z)

15 can they make a kosher turkey bacon condiment, that doesn't tatse like turkey fake bacon cardboard?

Posted by: willow at February 04, 2010 12:38 PM (5Bf/7)

16 7 Obama. That's how.

Posted by: Chris Matthews at February 04, 2010 04:35 PM (o/6if)

Only cuz Michelle slaps him around with her She-dick!

Posted by: rightzilla at February 04, 2010 12:39 PM (rVJH4)

17 It's one of their practical joke pages, unfortunately. Blasphemer! Burn him! Say it isn't so!

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:39 PM (AZGON)

18
Ew. Somehow, squeezing meat from a tube doesn't appeal. But not having to mess with the fry job does appeal. Applewood smoked, please?

Posted by: maverick muse at February 04, 2010 12:39 PM (+CLh/)

19 This is Kissel at February 04, 2010 04:34 PM (kNCf7)

Communist.

Posted by: lorien1973 at February 04, 2010 12:39 PM (IhQuA)

20 It's one of their practical joke pages, unfortunately. Okay, it's just wrong to tease a man like that.

Posted by: joncelli at February 04, 2010 12:39 PM (RD7QR)

21 That should be one of the official ball-dipping sauces.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 04, 2010 04:36 PM (q3udb)

Bad Idea dude.

Posted by: Holger at February 04, 2010 12:40 PM (8NGHm)

22 Some things should not be joked about and this is one of them.

Posted by: RobD at February 04, 2010 12:40 PM (sV3Dv)

23 It's a joke??? I knew those Scandi sum'bitches were no good.

Posted by: 4thGenerationBuck at February 04, 2010 12:41 PM (AtjNL)

24 screw the pudding

Posted by: beedubya at February 04, 2010 12:41 PM (AnTyA)

25 >>> It's one of their practical joke pages, unfortunately. OH NO! I got taken again.

Posted by: ace at February 04, 2010 12:41 PM (jlvw3)

26 This, however, is apparently real: Canned bacon. Perfect for a ball wrap in the Great Outdoors. http://www.campingsurvival.com/yocaba.html

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:42 PM (AZGON)

27 It's only a matter of time now. The USA should have its best men on it soon. The Manhattan Project can be a model, as can be the original NASA moon push. (Not the current Obama NASA moon "putsch".)

Posted by: dfbaskwill at February 04, 2010 12:42 PM (ndlFj)

hey, that site also has, a sprinkler (hide your key thing)

and a kgb disappearing ink pen!

Posted by: willow at February 04, 2010 12:42 PM (5Bf/7)

29 Astronaut bacon? Bacon for those who lose their teeth from crack addiction. Bacon to squeeze on your bacon sammy. Squeeze bacon to dip our bullets in for the jihadis. Yes, God is merciful. Puts me in mind of the scene from the movie "Night Shift" where Michael Keaton's character (Bill) is expressing to a bored Henry Winkler's character (Chuck) his latest brilliant idea to become rich (he's an "ideas man"): Bill: What if you mix the mayonnaise in the can, WITH the tunafish? Or... hold it! Chuck! I got it! Take LIVE tuna fish, and FEED 'em mayonnaise! Oh this is great.
[speaks into tape recorder]
Bill: Call Starkist!

Posted by: Drillanwr at February 04, 2010 12:43 PM (GkYyh)

30 Don't forget his son Jesus, now that's my true bud right there he's always watching me, full time job for him Bless his heart.

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 04, 2010 12:43 PM (66FY7)

31 It's a joke....evil fuckin bastards.

Posted by: Rocks at February 04, 2010 12:44 PM (Q1lie)

32 Why does my stomach now feel like it has blue balls?

Posted by: Editor at February 04, 2010 12:44 PM (pUfK9)

33 You know what is truly sinful? Faux bacon. It makes a soul weep for our civilization. http://www.morningstarfarms.com/product_detail.aspx?id=352

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:45 PM (AZGON)

34 Holger's ball dipping and foreplay sauce:

Mustard
Ketchup
A dash of Worcester Sauce, A-1 or other Steak or BBQ Sauce
Diced Onions
Diced Green Peppers
Diced Pickles
Bacon-bits

Serve cool but not chilled.

Posted by: Holger at February 04, 2010 12:45 PM (8NGHm)

35 Before the scientific method everything was a miracle. One by one, they now have rational explanations.

Posted by: scrubjay at February 04, 2010 12:46 PM (LDSuV)

Ace, "see there is No G-d!

'weeping uncontrollaly'

Posted by: willow at February 04, 2010 12:46 PM (5Bf/7)

This was a Joke?????

DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Gerry Owen at February 04, 2010 12:47 PM (4Hy88)

38 Holger, hamburger patty add sauteed mushrooms, thee end.

Posted by: willow at February 04, 2010 12:47 PM (5Bf/7)

39 Y'know God has been everywhere with me he shore did save my sorry ass in 'Nam a bunch of times, just can't beat that guy for staying on his job.

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 04, 2010 12:48 PM (66FY7)

40 Dipping and foreplay sauce. Heh.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 04, 2010 12:48 PM (q3udb)

41 Well, now that this thread has established the market demand for the product, it oughta be easy to make it. The engineering has to be almost trivial.

Posted by: stuiec at February 04, 2010 12:50 PM (7AOgy)

42 Oh my. I only now discovered jdfoods.net, and they have... bacon popcorn. The mind of man is truly a divine inspiration.

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:50 PM (AZGON)

43 Joke or not, it wouldn't be hard to make. Fako baco bits? Check. Squeeze bottles? Check. Bland delivery goo to contain bacony goodness? Check. Ball dipping heaven? Check, check and OMIGOD!!!!

Posted by: physics geek at February 04, 2010 12:51 PM (MT22W)

44 OT Kitteh Killer standoff!

Posted by: SACAJEWEA! at February 04, 2010 12:51 PM (GdalM)

45 If a bear sh!ts in the woods...

Posted by: Julius Seizure at February 04, 2010 12:52 PM (QMtmy)

46 If one thing makes a maniac out of me, besides shirt issues, it's fake bacon products.

Posted by: Paul Anka at February 04, 2010 12:52 PM (0FiCa)

47 This is real: Bacon for dessert.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at February 04, 2010 12:52 PM (mR7mk)

48 Liberals will be punished for their blasphemy just wait and see, even I taught my 2 Boys religion and actually went to church with them although I was squirming in the pew waiting for an admonition.

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 04, 2010 12:53 PM (66FY7)

49 Hrm. I might dip in fake-bacon goo, but I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at February 04, 2010 12:53 PM (mR7mk)

50 "Each serving is as healthy as real bacon!" I think that's where I crossed over from amusement to tears-running-down-the-face laughter. Vilhelm LilleflÃ¤sk, Scandi hero, we salute you!

Posted by: Peaches at February 04, 2010 12:54 PM (9Wv2j)

51 Beggin' StripsÂ® taste waay better than faux bacon.

Posted by: McGruff the CrimeDog at February 04, 2010 12:54 PM (QMtmy)

52 @53 That made me feel like a twelve year old boy peeking at Penthouse. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 12:54 PM (AZGON)

53 If Jesus didn't mean for you to eat real bacon why did he toss down to us the beautiful hog? (not pelosi)

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 04, 2010 12:55 PM (66FY7)

54 The tauntaun sleeping bag was just a joke at first, too. Demand your squeeze bacon now!!!

Posted by: Extreme Extremist at February 04, 2010 12:56 PM (VmtE9)

59
You wouldn't swallow it, but you'd put it in your mouth, right?

That's what she said.

Posted by: McGruff the CrimeDog at February 04, 2010 12:56 PM (QMtmy)

56 You morons are the most vile people on earth glad to be in the family.

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 04, 2010 12:57 PM (66FY7)

57 You wouldn't swallow it, but you'd put it in your mouth, right?

Posted by: Randolphwing MantoothPlover at February 04, 2010 04:54 PM (kNCf7)

Cue Beevis and Butthead laugh-track.

Posted by: Holger at February 04, 2010 12:57 PM (8NGHm)

58 You morons are the most vile people on earth glad to be in the family.

Absolutely.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at February 04, 2010 12:57 PM (mR7mk)

59 Well we did pop that peace blimp, so there's that!

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 04, 2010 12:58 PM (66FY7)

60 WHY!? Think Geek? You brought the Tauntaun sleeping bag with light saber zipper to life? Why not the ultimate food? Why THINK GEEK WHY!?

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at February 04, 2010 12:59 PM (0q2P7)

61 I found this Bacon Base which looks like it should be tasty. Can't find a retail site for it though.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at February 04, 2010 12:59 PM (tf9Ne)

Joke?!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 04, 2010 01:01 PM (WvXvd)

No meat products for dipping here. Too many carnivorhees live here.

Hey, RD!

Posted by: Tommy Gunnar at February 04, 2010 01:01 PM (rQTdM)

64 Huh?

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 04, 2010 01:02 PM (q3udb)

65 @68 Miracles DO happen! http://www.amazon.com/Minors-Bacon-Base-16-oz/dp/B0001GUQ1Q

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 01:03 PM (AZGON)

66 Unrelated sentences, Rd, just a friendly Howdy.

Posted by: Tommy Gunnar at February 04, 2010 01:03 PM (rQTdM)

67 Bacon popcorn. You know who else has bacon popcorn?

http://revbrew.com/food

I might go with the missus this weekend--if they're open yet.

Posted by: CUS at February 04, 2010 01:03 PM (wOGfT)

68 From amazon.com's page on Minor's Bacon Base: Product Features -100% Natural, NO artificial ingredients or coloring, no chemical preservatives, & no-added MSG. -Meat-First base meaning the first ingredient is Bacon. -1 TBL. = 4 oz. Bacon -Adds delicious bacon flavor to any recipe. -FREE chef developed recipes and more are included with every order. -Includes ball-dipping cup (two) I might have added that last bit.

Posted by: George Orwell at February 04, 2010 01:05 PM (AZGON)

69 I have a chocolate bar with bacon in it. I'm kind of afraid to try it, though. More like a novelty item, I think.

Posted by: AngelEm at February 04, 2010 01:05 PM (brCzq)

70 It's 5:09 pm here, any confirmation that Brown's swearing in happened?

Posted by: Retread at February 04, 2010 01:09 PM (54+Z0)

LOVE the Think Geek - they have had lots of demand for other April Fools' Day products that started out as a joke. A couple of years ago they did a faux ad for a "Personal Soundtrack" shirt - there were so many people who wanted the real deal that they developed one!

It's worth a shot.....

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at February 04, 2010 01:09 PM (b2gvM)

72 I have a chocolate bar with bacon in it. I'm kind of afraid to try it, though. More like a novelty item, I think.

I've eaten the Bacon Chocolate, you can too, small bites, it is good.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at February 04, 2010 01:10 PM (0q2P7)

73 This might be a joke, but there is something called the bacon of the month club. So there are still miracles.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at February 04, 2010 01:12 PM (DIYmd)

74 Where's Joe?

Posted by: nine coconuts at February 04, 2010 01:13 PM (DHNp4)

75 did y'all hear about John Kerry and the desk?

Nope. Do tell.

Posted by: CUS at February 04, 2010 01:13 PM (wOGfT)

76 ABBA met while eating Squeez BaconÂ® sandwiches? Double miracle!

Posted by: mongerel at February 04, 2010 01:14 PM (ZszgD)

77 Scott Brown sworn in!

Posted by: MPFS at February 04, 2010 01:14 PM (QuP9W)

78 BACON AIR FRESHENER Just say no to pine trees!

Hang this slab of yummy bacon from your rear view mirror and enjoy the scent of fresh bacon cooking in the sun! BACON AIR FRESHENER Just say no to pine trees!

Hang this slab of yummy bacon from your rear view mirror and enjoy the scent of fresh bacon cooking in the sun! you guys just need a bacon air freshener, for the low price of 3.99

Posted by: willow at February 04, 2010 01:14 PM (5Bf/7)

79 Time to celebrate! Miracles do happen. Pass me the Nyquil now.

Posted by: MPFS at February 04, 2010 01:16 PM (QuP9W)

80 Oh look there's Harry Reid looking for his political career. Watching C-Span 2.

Posted by: MPFS at February 04, 2010 01:17 PM (QuP9W)

81 41 !

Posted by: paranoid polly at February 04, 2010 01:18 PM (r7Vc3)

82 Err, I lived in Sweden for a couple of years and never saw that stuff. Scam.

Posted by: Dumpy Housewife at February 04, 2010 01:19 PM (Cd1LY)

83 Also featured at that website: Bacon Mints, Bacon Jellybeans, Bacon Flavored Popcorn, Bacon Gumballs, Gummy Bacon, Bacon Salt, Baconnaise, Bacon Lip Balm, and Tac Bac - Tactical Canned Bacon

Posted by: mongerel at February 04, 2010 01:19 PM (ZszgD)

84 Now they need Bacon Tofu -- the ultimate sacrilege.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 04, 2010 01:23 PM (QMtmy)

85 I have a chocolate bar with bacon in it. I'm kind of afraid to try it, though. More like a novelty item, I think.

I've had one of those. Believe it or not, it works. The tastes don't clash at all, it's great.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 04, 2010 01:26 PM (p05LM)

While your on the subject, the article in the WSJ with the first sentence: "Say a prayer for the old continent..."

Sound just a tad ominous, IYKWIMAITYD.

http://tinyurl.com/yldp8bq

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at February 04, 2010 01:27 PM (RkRxq)

87 John Kerry had them remove Ted's old desk, which was JFK's old desk, from Kennedy's office. Supposedly John Kerry 'inherited' the desk.

I wonder if the desk still has Marilyn Monroe's ass prints on it.

Posted by: CUS at February 04, 2010 01:29 PM (wOGfT)

Next thing you'll tell me that "pizza in a cup" isn't real.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at February 04, 2010 01:29 PM (b68Df)

89 I knew it was a joke when I read the word 'ABBA.'

Posted by: Iskandar at February 04, 2010 01:32 PM (/o58C)

90 Hey, TG. I do unrelated sentences too. Thoughts. Pieces of thoughts. The whole bit. That's just. The way. It fucking. Is.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 04, 2010 01:32 PM (kb1Ak)

91 Joke or not, it wouldn't be hard to make. Fako baco bits? Check. Squeeze bottles? Check. Bland delivery goo to contain bacony goodness? Check. Ball dipping heaven? Check, check and OMIGOD!!!!

Posted by: physics geek at February 04, 2010 04:51 PM (MT22W)

Hell with that. Separate the fat out of real honest-to-God bacon strips, fry down the fatty and meaty parts until crisp, drain off the liquid grease, run the meat and the fried fat in separate batches in the food processor, add fat bits to meat bits (say, 1 part fat to 3 parts meat) to achieve a crumbly paste, and add melted grease to achieve toothpaste consistency. Then put into a plastic toothpaste-style squeeze tube.

Oughta work just fine.

Posted by: stuiec at February 04, 2010 01:57 PM (7AOgy)

Next thing you'll tell me that "pizza in a cup" isn't real.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at February 04, 2010 05:29 PM (b68Df)

Not outside the Italian football league, it isn't.

Posted by: stuiec at February 04, 2010 01:58 PM (7AOgy)

93 89 Scott Brown sworn in!

Posted by: MPFS at February 04, 2010 05:14 PM (QuP9W)

Now I KNOW Michelle is going to beat the WON with her she-dick!

Posted by: rightzilla at February 04, 2010 02:23 PM (rVJH4)

94 I don't think that the phrase "to die for" (in the article, moron) lives up to the low expectations of the AOL lifestyle and must be banned.

Posted by: Max Entropy at February 04, 2010 02:28 PM (uuZjB)