August 11, 2010
— Ace Well... that wasn't unexpected.
Still a hot piece of ass, though. There ain't no hoaxing that.
(I hope. If she's a dude then I did something last night which will throw my sexual identity into tumult.)
Thanks to Dr. Spank again.
Posted by: Ace at
09:42 AM
| Comments (91)
Post contains 57 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Just kidding. Really. at August 11, 2010 09:44 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: I'm Dolemite, bitch at August 11, 2010 09:44 AM (HPhdA)
Posted by: MrCaniac on a Party Line Telephone at August 11, 2010 09:45 AM (Vol3D)
Posted by: I'm Dolemite, bitch at August 11, 2010 09:46 AM (HPhdA)
Posted by: Our government is totally into anal. Totally. at August 11, 2010 09:46 AM (uFokq)
Ace is sponsored by Astroglide®, it is water based and environmentally friendly.
Posted by: MrCaniac at August 11, 2010 09:47 AM (Vol3D)
Posted by: joncelli at August 11, 2010 09:49 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Martha Stewart's left nipple at August 11, 2010 09:49 AM (u6OBh)
All you need to do is answer this question: "How is (s)he holding up the white board in pic #8?"
Posted by: CUS at August 11, 2010 09:49 AM (wOGfT)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at August 11, 2010 09:50 AM (zgZzy)
Posted by: WalrusRex at August 11, 2010 09:52 AM (xxgag)
ugh. Good luck with the Herpes.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 11, 2010 09:53 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at August 11, 2010 09:53 AM (zgZzy)
Perry the Platypus? How terribly unexpected! And by "unexpected," I mean "TOTALLY EXPECTED!"
Posted by: Dr. Doofenschmirtz at August 11, 2010 09:54 AM (e8YaH)
Posted by: joncelli at August 11, 2010 09:54 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 11, 2010 09:54 AM (HaYO4)
ugh. Good luck with the Herpes.
I deal with Philly's criminals all day - and a roach-infested city building. Herpes would be a step up!
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at August 11, 2010 09:54 AM (zgZzy)
Eh, harmless attention "whore" if one wants to call her that.
At least she didn't pretend her kid was flying around in a homemade creepy looking flying saucer thingy.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 11, 2010 09:57 AM (pLTLS)
At least she didn't pretend her kid was flying around in a homemade creepy looking flying saucer thingy.
Hey! Anal probes are not a funny matter!
Posted by: Saucer Kid's Parents at August 11, 2010 09:59 AM (zgZzy)
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 09:59 AM (RkRxq)
Posted by: The REAL Dolemite at August 11, 2010 10:00 AM (gzjhZ)
She's just hot. That is absolutely it.
What was with the wardrobe change? Was she really too stupid to not dress in a business outfit first, then go to the extra sexy crap?
I guess pretending to be even dumber than you naturally are, which is what this shtick was, is actually relatively close to how Hollywood handles plots all the time.
but anyone who bought this crap ... I think you kinda need to tweak the obvious-lie-meter in your brain.
Posted by: Legendary Former Rapist Roman Polanski at August 11, 2010 10:01 AM (dUOK+)
Now if she had been flying around in "a homemade creepy looking flying saucer thingy" I'd be out looking for the landing strip!
Posted by: J. Pinkerton Snoopington at August 11, 2010 10:02 AM (Ulu3i)
32 She was an awful actress. The premise was awful, and her face just screamed liar.
Makes you really appreciate the JetBlue guy, doesn't she?
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at August 11, 2010 10:02 AM (zgZzy)
Posted by: Michelle Obama at August 11, 2010 10:02 AM (xO+6C)
Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 11, 2010 10:02 AM (pLTLS)
I give her props for the FarmVille thing, though the # of hrs played should have been hire. Anyway, it was rather cute.
/She wasn't, but the hoax was.
Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at August 11, 2010 10:03 AM (Yq+qN)
OMAR THORNTON IS MY HERO! ANYONE WHO TAKES OUT 8 WHITE SLUGS AND CLEANSES MOTHER EARTH IS A-ALL-RIGHT BY ME!
I AM COLLECTING TO HAVE A STATUE OF HIM ERECTED AT HOWARD UNIVERSITY!
whitenoiseinsanity(dot)com
Posted by: kayinmaine at August 11, 2010 10:04 AM (bFVHK)
Posted by: nickless at August 11, 2010 10:04 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: Legendary Former Rapist Roman Polanski at August 11, 2010 02:01 PM
I don't read the whiteboards. I just look at the pictures.
Dunno if I'd "buy" it. But I sure as hell would consider renting it....
Posted by: J. Pinkerton Snoopington at August 11, 2010 10:04 AM (Ulu3i)
Barry will no doubt count this as a job he personnally created or saved.
But the next time he talks about creating or saving jobs, you'll be able to call the big bullshit on his dumbass because:
he hasn't got a clue about what it costs a company to employ someone and who it is that is actually making employing someone so difficult.
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 11, 2010 10:05 AM (RkRxq)
Posted by: Waterhouse at August 11, 2010 10:06 AM (wRH1k)
Jenny is famous for slinging expensively bad coffee at Starbucks on Le Cienega Blvd in El Segundo next to Papi's Taco Emporium and Lulu's Cooter Palace.
Posted by: Fish at August 11, 2010 10:06 AM (v1gw3)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at August 11, 2010 10:08 AM (yQWNf)
And I'm sure your hero, Omar's victims' families thank you.
What a POS you are.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 11, 2010 10:08 AM (UOM48)
You've Been Hoaxed
We could have told you this if only you would allow us to filter the open sewer of the internet for you.
Posted by: Tom Friedman, Professional Sewer Filterer at August 11, 2010 10:09 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: Our government is totally into anal. Totally. at August 11, 2010 10:10 AM (uFokq)
Message for KeyinMaine:
Doctor is very concerned about your stability. You haven't renewed your prescription, and we are worried you may again become unstable and violent.
Please call me at the earliest for script renewal, and to schedule another appointment with the doctor.
Nurse Ratched
Posted by: Fish at August 11, 2010 10:13 AM (v1gw3)
That must be a very loose definition of actress.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 11, 2010 10:17 AM (1Jaio)
Posted by: lauraw at August 11, 2010 10:22 AM (kgBMi)
That must be a very loose definition of actress.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 11, 2010 02:17 PM (1Jaio)
Heidi Fleiss was also a Hollywood actress, and for some reason she was never feted by her peers.Posted by: Fish at August 11, 2010 10:25 AM (v1gw3)
Posted by: lauraw at August 11, 2010 10:25 AM (kgBMi)
But a piece of ass?
No.
She is a woman, and therefore worthy of basic respect as a human being.
Unless of course she is a leftist, in which case she can go jump.
Posted by: Lee at August 11, 2010 10:26 AM (saVwg)
No. But I'll tell her she does if it helps my chances.
Posted by: Waterhouse at August 11, 2010 10:27 AM (wRH1k)
#38 seems rather over the top sockpuppetish to me.
Posted by: lauraw at August 11, 2010 02:25 PM (kgBMi)
Unfortunately it's not a puppet, but a real radical who's proud of her mental dysfunction.
Posted by: Fish at August 11, 2010 10:28 AM (v1gw3)
Posted by: lauraw at August 11, 2010 02:22 PM (kgBMi)
Yes, but with boobs and a personality.
Posted by: Rocks at August 11, 2010 10:32 AM (Q1lie)
Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 10:36 AM (aOKEC)
Posted by: Prof. Venkman at August 11, 2010 10:37 AM (Bs34i)
Posted by: Prof. Venkman at August 11, 2010 02:37 PM (Bs34i)
When prominent bloggers jerk off to it AND post about it.
Posted by: Rocks at August 11, 2010 10:42 AM (Q1lie)
Posted by: Old grizzled gym coach at August 11, 2010 10:48 AM (QBQcg)
Her performance would have been more convening had she been naked.
'Just saying
She did it in a Pakistani-born Australian accent! Isn't that enough!??
Posted by: gator at August 11, 2010 10:50 AM (aOKEC)
Being compared to the two-time SAG Award winner can be pretty overwhelming. "Because she's so gorgeous, it's tough," says Elyse Porterfield of Greeley, Colo. "I get it a lot, like when I meet people the first time," she says. A full-time student and aspiring actress, Porterfield has at least one other thing in common with the famous mother of six: Tattoos! She has four of her own.
young? check
Aspiring actress? check
tattoos? check
slight resemblence to somebody famous? check
There must be a video of her out there somewhere
Posted by: Prof. Venkman at August 11, 2010 10:52 AM (Bs34i)
2) Given that the Old Spice Guy just landed a leading role in an upcoming Tyler Perry movie, I am sure that Elyse has given her career an amazing boost with this entertainment.
3) TheChive's guys were very, very smart to format this as a set of stills instead of a short film -- a short film would have gotten lost in the sea of YouTube, but the photo sequence made it seem like something that a real person would and could do.
Posted by: stuiec at August 11, 2010 10:59 AM (5UP6n)
Her performance would have been more convening had she been naked.
Yeah but then we could not have linked to it.
Posted by: Vic at August 11, 2010 11:05 AM (/jbAw)
Posted by: Dolemite, defined legit and all sorts of ill sh*t at August 11, 2010 11:05 AM (qL20/)
Or, as it's more commonly known, Tuesday evening at AoS HQ.
Posted by: sandy burger at August 11, 2010 11:13 AM (Pson9)
Posted by: JS at August 11, 2010 11:14 AM (vvckl)
What I love are the comments on their site, congratulating themselves for just 'doing it for fun', and praising the acting talent of the chick with the sign.
Geeeeeee, I wonder if those are fake too. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Oh well. She was hot. Good thing, because otherwise the asinine hoax was a unwatchable. Even with her, it's pretty stupid. It's the exact same image 40 times. A smirk to the left, to the right, eyebrows up, down. ACTING.
Even a retard would know that the hoax would be better if they made the villain less sympathetic, perhaps had her in an office environment moving around... posing sexily on the copier, her bosses desk (showing the farmville game they perhaps were marketing?) on the floor, the conference table, etc.
She could have been in a business outfit, and gradually morphed into the slutty wal mart tank top thing she ended up in.
this isn't rocket science. They handled this idea like morons.
Posted by: Legendary Former Rapist Roman Polanski at August 11, 2010 11:18 AM (dUOK+)
Posted by: CUS at August 11, 2010 11:29 AM (wOGfT)
Her performance would have been more convening had she been naked.
You can say it....just not in the workplace 
Posted by: laceyunderalls not letting go of old memes at August 11, 2010 11:31 AM (pLTLS)
Her facial expressions really move me.
Just for one night, I want to be with a woman who has that kind of expressive range and sly humor.
This is fantastically fantastic, real or fake.
Posted by: norg at August 11, 2010 11:54 AM (Gu/qz)
Posted by: Comanche Voter at August 11, 2010 12:02 PM (ktYjH)
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at August 11, 2010 12:05 PM (WFAel)
I thought she was "average at best" until I saw her in those cut-off Levi's. Still, you can tell by her face that she's got sharp knees- major turnoff. I've rejected the advances of I don't know how many woman due to imperfect knees.
And there's no reason to throw yourself into some constitutional crisis if she happens to be a tranny.
A strong sexual attraction to a tranny does not count as gay gay.
Posted by: sartana at August 11, 2010 12:34 PM (nak8P)
re:46 FUCK ALL YOU WHITE FUCKING FUCKS! ALL YOUR WEALTH (STASH) WAS STOLEN FROM THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS - BROWN PEOPLE!
I'VE CALLED THE GREAT OMAR THORNTON'S FAMILY AND THEY HAVE GRACIOUSLY ALLOWED ME TO HAVE HIS ASHES UNTIL THEY BRING HIM TO AFRICA (THE ONLY REALLY EVOLVIDED CONTINENT)!
whitenoiseinsanity(dot)com
Posted by: KAYINMAINE at August 11, 2010 12:44 PM (bFVHK)
Umm... this hardly qualifies as a "hoax".
Doesn't a hoax implied that you invested some type of importance behind whatever "The Great Lie" was that they were selling? Did anyone really care about this story, other than that she was hot?
Posted by: dan-O at August 11, 2010 01:27 PM (bRLuD)
not even going to point out "evolvided" is that like part evolved and part divided?
Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Pro Debate Squad, And Summoner Of Meteors. at August 11, 2010 01:27 PM (eCAn3)
That must be a very loose definition of actress.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 11, 2010 02:17 PM (1Jaio)
Just because she didn't have a speaking part in this gig doesn't mean she can't. When you're trying to break into that business you do every job that isn't porn and will get you some face time, even if there's no speaking part.
Posted by: Ace's liver at August 11, 2010 03:20 PM (XIXhw)
Posted by: Green Vein Jasper Beads at April 26, 2011 10:52 PM (mUFvT)
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Posted by: I'm Dolemite, bitch at August 11, 2010 09:44 AM (HPhdA)