Ace of Spades HQ

November 23, 2010

Just when we need it, The Onion releases another gem
— CAC

Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

Art thread later, perhaps, maybe.

Posted by: CAC at 02:28 PM | Comments (61)
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Sadly, this is the kind of thing Barry actually focuses on. And yes, we are boned.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:31 PM (UOM48)

2 And, had no one told me this was The Onion, I would have believed that Teh Won was, indeed, this stupid and pretentious.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 23, 2010 02:31 PM (8y9MW)

3 OMG just get it over with. Priceless.

Posted by: qwerty at November 23, 2010 02:31 PM (K9rh+)

4 Remember when they filmed Palin buying her turkey and turkey's were getting their heads chopped off in the background? The shrieking of the leftards was hilarious.

Posted by: Moi at November 23, 2010 02:32 PM (Ez4Ql)

Now I know why I am second tier.

CAC, that was fricking golden.

Posted by: Journolist at November 23, 2010 02:33 PM (O/NP5)

6

all this jumping around from post to post is giving me

vErTiGo

Posted by: Soothsayer with stuffing at November 23, 2010 02:34 PM (uFokq)

7 Posted by: Moi at November 23, 2010 06:32 PM (Ez4Ql)

You know, I never understood even the faux-trage on that one: what did they think happened at turkey farms? They'd basically be extinct (much like cows, really) except we like them so much. With gravy. And mashed potatoes.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 23, 2010 02:34 PM (8y9MW)

8 Moi, my lib sister went nuts over that. She went on a rant during a family dinner. I asked her if turkeys came from the Turkey Fairy, "gently harvested" and packaged by unicorn-riding elves. She wasn't amused.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:35 PM (UOM48)

9 Libs like uncomfortable things to be nicely out of sight.

Like abortion, and campaign funding.

Posted by: nickless© at November 23, 2010 02:37 PM (MMC8r)

10 I asked her if turkeys came from the Turkey Fairy, "gently harvested" and packaged by unicorn-riding elves. She wasn't amused. Maybe you told it wrong.

Posted by: fluffy at November 23, 2010 02:38 PM (SwkdU)

11 Dare you morons to send this Onion bit to your libtard friends and family.

Double-dog dare ya!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:39 PM (UOM48)

12 Tell them the turkeys committed suicide rather than become a burden on our healthcare dollars.

Posted by: nickless© at November 23, 2010 02:39 PM (MMC8r)

13 The turkey pardon is one of the weirdest things in American politics.

Other than Barney Frank, I mean.

Posted by: Waterhouse at November 23, 2010 02:40 PM (bi3em)

14 They're terminally delicious!

Posted by: nickless© at November 23, 2010 02:40 PM (MMC8r)

15 Jane: Then what was her point? Did she think she was eating a live turkey? Did she think your mom chopped it's head off? Whattt?????

Posted by: Moi at November 23, 2010 02:40 PM (Ez4Ql)

They'd basically be extinct (much like cows, really) except we like them so much. With gravy. And mashed potatoes.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 23, 2010 06:34 PM (8y9MW)

Best way for an animal to never go Extinct. Be Delicious. wg

Posted by: buzzion at November 23, 2010 02:41 PM (oVQFe)

17 Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 06:39 PM (UOM4

No... I like my family too much in other ways. They may be political idiots, but I'd miss their "Balderdash" and "Scatagories" antics.

And my brothers sometimes babysit my kids for free, so there would be an additional expense to add in...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 23, 2010 02:41 PM (8y9MW)

18 Moi, she was (and is) suffering from Extreme Palin Derangement Syndrome.

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:42 PM (UOM48)

19 Dare you morons to send this Onion bit to your libtard friends and family.

They get the Onion Biden content from me regularly.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 23, 2010 02:42 PM (U6LOz)

20 Posted by: buzzion at November 23, 2010 06:41 PM (oVQFe)

And easily domesticated. Don't forget the easily domesticated.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 23, 2010 02:43 PM (8y9MW)

No Cranberry, No Peace!!1!1!

Speaking of bipartisan support, when's that Slurpee Summit going down?? Did it get rescheduled?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 23, 2010 02:43 PM (05fvr)

22 Best way for an animal to never go Extinct. Be Delicious.

Being an aphrodisiac is not a good second option.

Posted by: Sumatran Tiger at November 23, 2010 02:44 PM (bi3em)

23 I have an unfortunate picture in my mind of Moochelle unhinging her jaw and swallowing a half-dozen live turkeys. And chasing them with garden-sludge salad.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:44 PM (UOM48)

They get the Onion Biden content from me regularly.

Absolutely. My fav two stories -- Biden's Camaro and Biden getting kicked out of Dave & Busters.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 23, 2010 02:45 PM (05fvr)

25 They'd basically be extinct (much like cows, really) except we like them so much. With gravy. And mashed potatoes.

Just noting that wildebeest are still with us and they serve no other purpose than a protein-rich link in the food chain.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 23, 2010 02:46 PM (U6LOz)

26 8 Moi, my lib sister went nuts over that. She went on a rant during a family dinner. I asked her if turkeys came from the Turkey Fairy, "gently harvested" and packaged by unicorn-riding elves. She wasn't amused.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 06:35 PM (UOM4

Why don't you describe for her what makes a turkey halal?

"This method of slaughtering animals consists of a swift, deep incision with a sharp knife on the neck, cutting the jugular veins and carotid arteries of both sides but leaving the spinal cord intact."

Posted by: AmishDude at November 23, 2010 02:46 PM (BvBKY)

27 They made a joke about turkeys being pardoned on last week's NCIS. I honestly think the tradition is a little silly myself, though I will admit that turkeys are beautiful in their own right.

Okay, that was hysterical. Sad thing is that I could almost believe it.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at November 23, 2010 02:47 PM (yfJ6g)

28 When is this much-touted food thread going to make its appearance? I need side dishes for my turducken (with cornbread stuffing) and I'd like some suggestions on leftovers.

Posted by: Y-not has a cold at November 23, 2010 02:47 PM (UcOiF)

29 They taught him up a lot of philosophy at Occidental? They sure don't teach that stuff at law school

Posted by: joeindc44 at November 23, 2010 02:47 PM (QxSug)

30 Up next, Team Obama to ban giblet gravy.

Posted by: Journolist at November 23, 2010 02:48 PM (O/NP5)

31 This Onion piece was as much a slam on the MFM as on Obama.

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2010 02:49 PM (G9ZYW)

32 I'm also surprised-- no Benjamin Franklin sock?

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at November 23, 2010 02:49 PM (yfJ6g)

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.....

As if the Genitalia Incompetano/TSA outrage wasn't outrageously outrageous enough....

Posted by: laceyunderalls applying Purell as I type.... at November 23, 2010 02:51 PM (05fvr)

34 My son is forever grateful he's not a Turkey Scout.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:51 PM (UOM48)

35 I'm also surprised-- no Benjamin Franklin sock? I'm with ace, taking the week off.

Posted by: Benjamin Franklin at November 23, 2010 02:51 PM (SwkdU)

As governor of Arkansas, I pardoned over 40 turkeys, 300 chickens, 20 cows, a half-dozen pigs and a sheep.

I was told they'd found Jesus.

Except for the sheep. She was just a beautiful young victim of circumstance with a kinky fetish for mint jelly.

Posted by: Mike Huckabee at November 23, 2010 02:53 PM (BvBKY)

37 Lacey, if everyone doesn't recognize that TSA is incoherence, idiocy and self-righteousness (the bureaucratic trinity) rolled into one colossal burrito of pfffft, the glove thing is not going to help.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 23, 2010 02:54 PM (U6LOz)

38 This poster would've looked kinda dumb with a turkey instead of an eagle.

Posted by: Waterhouse at November 23, 2010 02:55 PM (bi3em)

And the turkey's eyes are pleading: Please, no! Please, no! GOB.............

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2010 02:56 PM (G9ZYW)

40 I gotta believe if Sarah Palin is ever president, she'll just eat the damn turkey.

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 23, 2010 02:56 PM (YPivX)

41 You know, I never understood even the faux-trage on that one: what did they think happened at turkey farms? They'd basically be extinct (much like cows, really) except we like them so much. With gravy. And mashed potatoes.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 23, 2010 06:34 PM (8y9MW)

--Oh no, Wild Turkey is very much alive!

Posted by: logprof is thirsty at November 23, 2010 02:56 PM (BP6Z1)

42 We think the profiling of turkeys on this holiday is an example of anti-Muslim bigotry.

Posted by: CAIR at November 23, 2010 02:58 PM (BvBKY)

43 I'm with Y-not. We really do need a food thread.

And I'm going straight to hell on an express train. I denounce myself.

So, I go to Kroger today to get my groceries. I had my list made out by category/aisle (and no, I'm never that organized, only at Thanksgiving).

Someone decided today, one of the busiest grocery-shopping days of the year, would be a terrific time to bring a van-load of older people with mental disabilities (and they break my heart, I totally sympathize, etc., etc.) and.....turn them loose, not to shop, but to wander around, kinda like a field trip. They'd just sort of randomly wander over to people to chat, etc.

Between that and the fat and elderly in motorized carts, and the SMOPs (Slow-Moving Oblivious People--thank you, Dilbert), shopping today was a freaking nightmare.

I think I'll have that glass of wine now.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 02:58 PM (UOM48)

I think I'll have that glass of wine now.

Mike Ditka's Kick-Ass Red

Posted by: AmishDude at November 23, 2010 03:02 PM (BvBKY)

45 the scroller is hilarious, "How to scare your children away from your box of dildos"

Posted by: thegreatsatan at November 23, 2010 03:02 PM (RCSoG)

46 @44 Holy crap. $50/bottle?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 03:03 PM (UOM48)

47 guys, foodnetwork.com is your friend. just sayin'

Posted by: laceyunderalls applying Purell as I type.... at November 23, 2010 03:05 PM (05fvr)

46 @44 Holy crap. $50/bottle?

Ass kicking is not cheap.

Posted by: AmishDude at November 23, 2010 03:05 PM (BvBKY)

49 Here's a tip about the canned cranberry crap, from our fish wrap:

Pour canned crap into bowl. Add a splash of Bourbon and some orange zest. You'll be almost as smart as Sandra Lee. "People will think you're the smartest thing on the block!"

An' that's all ah'm goin' to say about that.....Forrest Gump

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 03:07 PM (UOM48)

On topic:

Pres. Obama Still Silent on North Korea, Plans 'Written Statement' Sometime Later

Posted by: AmishDude at November 23, 2010 03:10 PM (BvBKY)

51 Jane,

Perhaps you should feed your s-i-l this for Thanksgiving. Maybe she'd feel more comfortable.

Just a suggestion!

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 23, 2010 03:11 PM (ZtwUX)

52 Another scroll funnay:

Obama fighting rumor he is two small muslims in a costume.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 03:11 PM (UOM48)

53 12
Tell them the turkeys committed suicide rather than become a burden on our healthcare dollars.
Posted by: nicklessÂ© at November 23, 2010 06:39 PM (MMC8r)

Oh noes! Death panels!

Posted by: ya2daup at November 23, 2010 03:13 PM (yRrAd)

54 On topic: Pres. Obama Still Silent on North Korea, Plans 'Written Statement' Sometime Later Posted by: AmishDude at November 23, 2010 07:10 PM (BvBKY) Yeah that Korean Armistice has really worked out swell?

Posted by: nevergiveup at November 23, 2010 03:17 PM (0GFWk)

55 43
Between that and the fat and elderly in motorized carts, and the SMOPs (Slow-Moving Oblivious People--thank you, Dilbert), shopping today was a freaking nightmare.
I think I'll have that glass of wine now.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 23, 2010 06:58 PM (UOM4

I refer to a SMOP's "thought process" as "sheepin' out" (and then I say, "baaaaa!")

Posted by: ya2daup at November 23, 2010 03:17 PM (yRrAd)

56 @54

All this time, I was thinking he was a broom.

Posted by: Armando at November 23, 2010 03:18 PM (N//pm)

57 I think even a lib could laugh at that. C'mon they didn't say he was stupid, they said he overthought shit. And he does...6 months for Afghan decision. Gitmo not closed. I think the Onion Biden content probably HELPS Biden. He seems way cooler now that you know he wons a Camaro (or Trans Am?) and cooled his heels in Mexico.

Posted by: sexypig at November 23, 2010 06:00 PM (+xThK)

58 "This method of slaughtering animals consists of a swift, deep incision with a sharp knife on the neck, cutting the jugular veins and carotid arteries of both sides but leaving the spinal cord intact." Which isn't very much different than how the terrorists behead their prisoners.

Posted by: cheshirecat at November 23, 2010 06:34 PM (BNYPQ)

59 I heard that the turkey wasn't concerned about the pardon, he wanted a job.

Posted by: ohio at November 23, 2010 06:45 PM (LDTDZ)

60 This is outrageous. No turkey of color would even be considered for such a pardon. I urge the President to reconsider perpetuating this institutionalized racism.

Posted by: Eric Holder at November 24, 2010 05:32 AM (wTawr)

Rosetta stone language has a climax in the national scope, Rosetta Stone Language Library has been the U.S. state department approval, used for training diplomats. Rosetta stone language using dynamic immersed method. Using Rosetta stone language software, Not only can learning vocabulary and syntax, still can form their own language learning method, in language learning any circumstances and any time greatly. This software has also been most people recognised wyxxlbgwdqtymml

Posted by: rosettastonesoft at November 28, 2010 10:35 PM (y2MdJ)

Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.

93kb generated in CPU 0.0441, elapsed 0.387 seconds.
64 queries taking 0.3573 seconds, 189 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.