Ace of Spades HQ

August 09, 2010

Man Arrested For Being Awesome
— Ace

They should be giving him a medal, not an indecent exposure citation.

According to the Kanawha County Sheriff's Department, 61-year-old Eddie M. Campbell from Belle was caught at Booker T. Washington Memorial Park in Malden with his shirt off and his pants around his ankles.
Deputies say Campbell was sitting on a park bench with an armless mannequin on his lap, holding it with one hand -- pleasuring himself with the other.
When the deputy identified himself, Campbell stopped, pushed the mannequin off him and pulled his pants up.
All of this happened in a residential area and close to a church, according to Deputies.

Brett Favre's Crocs: I guess I should link this too (NSFW headline).

Sterger said that Favre first began to call her early in the season and leave strange, friendly messages on her voicemail. She played me one of these voicemails over the phone. It was Brett turning on the Mississippi simpleton charm on his way to practice giving Jenn a friendly good ol' boy hello to a pretty lady. It was odd, but nothing incriminating. Then the phone calls from Brett started to turn weird.
Sterger claimed she spurned Favre's advances because he was married, but also because she was working for the Jets at the time she didn't think it was the best idea to start a torrid affair with the team's highest profile player (the Jets have not responded to a question about any knowledge of the Favre/Sterger saga at this time). Plus, if she went forward with how aggressive he was and how skeeved out she was to some of her superiors, she suspected she might lose her job. The interactions were flirty and strange but she didn't think there wasn't anything that made her too uncomfortable. But then, one night, Sterger received a picture on her phone which was so shocking that she just tossed it across the room. It was his dick. Brett Favre's dick. And it happened multiple times.

I didn't link this before because Sterger was noted as a bit of a fame-seeker who'd gotten her job based on her boobage. I'm inclined to believe her, but there's no evidence for any of this.

She refused to make the voicemails and photos available to Deadspin. In fact, she doesn't seem to have even given them the go-ahead to write this up while citing her.

So, it's... kind of irresponsible.

Still, it is sort of funny, and people are posting as "Brett Favre's Crocs" so I guess the word is out anyway.

Posted by: Ace at 06:19 AM | Comments (151)
Post contains 433 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Alright,WE KNOW this had to be a moron,fess up.

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:19 AM (DRl4C)

2 Yeah, I just linked that to another post. The guy was just living the AoS lifestyle. All he needed was a bottle of Jose Cuervo.

Posted by: apodoca at August 09, 2010 06:21 AM (JCHdz)

3 and close to a church

If it had just been a mosque he'd be "off" scot-free. Just being a church it's only tax deductible.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at August 09, 2010 06:21 AM (usjNq)

4 Give the man a hand...um, Ace, that is.

Posted by: Tommy Gunnar at August 09, 2010 06:22 AM (rQTdM)

5 In CA isn't that at least a common law marriage now?

Posted by: Jean at August 09, 2010 06:22 AM (+LJnK)

6 There, but for the grace of God, go I....

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at August 09, 2010 06:22 AM (HqpV0)

7 He wasn't hurtin nobody,just beatin his baloney in a park,with a mannequin.Who knew the law frowned upon that?

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:22 AM (DRl4C)

8 Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to do that?

Posted by: Costanza at August 09, 2010 06:23 AM (usjNq)

9 Check the link. The beard/mustache/sideburn combination is epic.

Posted by: joncelli at August 09, 2010 06:24 AM (RD7QR)

10 Once again, tradiionalists are acting morally superior and imposing restrictions that have no legal justification.

Posted by: idiot judge busily inventing rights at August 09, 2010 06:26 AM (R2fpr)

11 HAH! If that Favre story is true she must,must,go public with the proof.I am so sick of that dickbag(and I used to like him).

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:27 AM (DRl4C)

12 All of this happened in a residential area and close to a church, according to Deputies.

Religionist pervert, no doubt!

Posted by: Richard Dawkins at August 09, 2010 06:27 AM (MMC8r)

13 So,sending pictures of your dick to strange women is also frowned upon?Good to know.

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:29 AM (DRl4C)

14 I see she has talents. Two of them, to be precise.

Posted by: joncelli at August 09, 2010 06:30 AM (RD7QR)

15 11 I wonder what Judge Walkers take would be on this case?Does the sex of the mannequin matter?

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:30 AM (DRl4C)

16 In fairness, the guy had magic fingers. I did not want him arrested until I went "sploosh!"

Posted by: The Mannequin at August 09, 2010 06:31 AM (zgZzy)

14 So,sending pictures of your dick to strange women is also frowned upon?

But that's my only move!

Posted by: Willy Clinton at August 09, 2010 06:31 AM (zgZzy)

18 Eddie, Eddie...Mannequin was just a movie!

And you're doing it wrong anyway. You have to be in a mall for a mannequin to turn into Kim Cattrall.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 09, 2010 06:32 AM (9hSKh)

19 Baffled by men who think there is seductive power in a crock reveal.

Posted by: sarahw at August 09, 2010 06:32 AM (Z4T49)

20 HAH! If that Favre story is true she must,must,go public with the proof.I am so sick of that dickbag(and I used to like him). Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 10:27 AM

Ummmm...not TOO public, please!

I sure as hell don't need to see pics of some dude's wang. Especially before breakfast.

Now if Favre claimed Sterger sent him pics of her cooch, I'd be all about full disclosure!

Posted by: J. Pinkerton Snoopington at August 09, 2010 06:33 AM (Ulu3i)

21 14 So,sending pictures of your dick to strange women is also frowned upon?Good to know.

If the story is true, Sterger will know if Brett is circumcised or not.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 09, 2010 06:33 AM (9hSKh)

20 Baffled by men who think there is seductive power in a crock reveal.

Hey, we tried whistling at you gals and it got us bupkis!

Posted by: Men at August 09, 2010 06:34 AM (zgZzy)

23 Shouldn't the mannequin have been arrested? The little tart was all over him in a public place.

BTW, maybe it was kinda like the movie Mannequin, when the mannequin would come to life when no on else was around.

Posted by: MrCaniac at August 09, 2010 06:34 AM (Vol3D)

24 21 Didn't say I want to see them.Just cut that douche down a notch.Take some pressure off Tiger.

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:34 AM (DRl4C)

25 The least she could have done was send him some titty shots back.Throw the guy a bone.....

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:35 AM (DRl4C)

26 #24 BTW, maybe it was kinda like the movie Mannequin, when the mannequin would come to life when no on else was around.

Great minds think alike...and so do you.

Except this mannequin has no arms.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 09, 2010 06:35 AM (9hSKh)

27 Sterger was noted as a bit of a fame-seeker

That's like saying the jugeared fuck was a bit unqualified to be Preznit.

Posted by: Captain Hate at August 09, 2010 06:36 AM (qPpkJ)

28 Deputies say Campbell was sitting on a park bench with an armless mannequin on his lap, holding it with one hand -- pleasuring himself with the other.

Where are they now - Andrew McCarthy

Posted by: Rocks at August 09, 2010 06:37 AM (Q1lie)

29 A mannequin sex story not involving a German? It's crazy upside down day.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 09, 2010 06:38 AM (HaYO4)

30 Baffled by men who think there is seductive power in a crock reveal.

Uh, that e-mail from me in your inbox right now?

Let's just...uh, delete that, okay?

Posted by: nickless at August 09, 2010 06:38 AM (MMC8r)

31 Bitch came on to me!She was nekkid!!

Posted by: Eddie Campbell at August 09, 2010 06:39 AM (DRl4C)

32 When the deputy identified himself, Campbell stopped, pushed the mannequin off him and pulled his pants up.

The bitch set me up!

Posted by: Eddie M. Campbell at August 09, 2010 06:39 AM (oAZ1S)

33 If only we could marry...!

Posted by: Eddie M. Campbell at August 09, 2010 06:40 AM (MMC8r)

34 armless mannequin

Armless? He ripped her arms off? That's rape-rape for sure. Why would he have to remove her arms if she wanted it?

Posted by: Rocks at August 09, 2010 06:42 AM (Q1lie)

35 There's something about Jenn.

Eddie and the Real Girl.

Good movies, good times.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at August 09, 2010 06:42 AM (yT8z7)

36 Over at NRO they have a picture of Bloombag that just cries out to be featured on AOSHQ.What a douche!!

Posted by: steevy at August 09, 2010 06:44 AM (DRl4C)

37 "36 armless mannequin Armless? He ripped her arms off? That's rape-rape for sure. Why would he have to remove her arms if she wanted it?" Of course it was armless!! You think I'm some kinda freak or something?

Posted by: Eddie M. Campbell at August 09, 2010 06:44 AM (GTrO2)

38 The mannequin comes to life screaming "I'VE GOT NO ARMS!!!!"

Posted by: Gaff at August 09, 2010 06:44 AM (PRm1Y)

39 Finally, my time has come!

Posted by: brett favre's crocs at August 09, 2010 06:45 AM (9B8os)

40 Well after doing Mannequin Andrew McCarthy went on to do Weekend at Bernie's so I'm thinking no contact with dead bodies should be made a condition of Mr. Campbell's parole.

Posted by: Rocks at August 09, 2010 06:45 AM (Q1lie)

41 A mannequin sex story not involving a German? It's crazy upside down day. Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 09, 2010 10:38 AM

Coulda been Edvard von Kampbell, you know....

I'd be more surprised by the story if the mannequin had been a robot and the perp wasn't Japanese.

Posted by: J. Pinkerton Snoopington at August 09, 2010 06:46 AM (Ulu3i)

42 amateur!

Posted by: guy masturbating on park bench near train station with awl in ass at August 09, 2010 06:46 AM (9B8os)

43 How does Streger know it was Favre's wang in the pic? It could have been a generic peter, you know a public domain jpeg that Bret is texting across town.

Posted by: kallisto at August 09, 2010 06:47 AM (+FkcS)

44 Any taped up awls found at the scene?

Posted by: Have Blue at August 09, 2010 06:48 AM (mV+es)

45 Close to a church???

What the hell difference does that make?

Churches are as common as gas stations, often more so.

Posted by: Lee Reynolds at August 09, 2010 06:48 AM (/gY4D)

46 Exactly when was this mannequin manufactured?

Posted by: R. Polanski at August 09, 2010 06:48 AM (GTrO2)

47 Armless? Tell that to the last guy who came on to me. I kicked his ass! I'm anything but armless.

Posted by: The Mannequin at August 09, 2010 06:48 AM (zgZzy)

48 He took _{*hehh heff*} it out.

Posted by: Elaine Benes at August 09, 2010 06:48 AM (5ZZzF)

49 When I held her I instantly got wood . . . or at least hard plastic.

Posted by: Eddie Campbell at August 09, 2010 06:50 AM (zgZzy)

50 In CROCS? What kinda sick freak would do that?!

Posted by: Eddie Campbell at August 09, 2010 06:50 AM (RD7QR)

I wanted to make some joke about the picture being intended for his wife, but being off-target in a desperate "he's just a kid out there- style" interception by Sterger.

Posted by: brett favre's crocs at August 09, 2010 06:50 AM (9B8os)

52 Who knew the law frowned upon that?

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time."

Posted by: George Costanza at August 09, 2010 06:50 AM (5ZZzF)

53 @8
_{Shakes tiny fist at fast moron!}

Posted by: Y-not at August 09, 2010 06:51 AM (5ZZzF)

54 How does Streger know it was Favre's wang in the pic? It could have been a generic peter, you know a public domain jpeg that Bret is texting across town.

Posted by: kallisto at August 09, 2010 10:47 AM (+FkcS)

Apparently he's wearing a very distinctive watch on the wrist of the hand he's using to hold it.

Posted by: Rocks at August 09, 2010 06:52 AM (Q1lie)

How does Streger know it was Favre's wang in the pic? It could have been a generic peter, you know a public domain jpeg that Bret is texting across town.

Do you think that would make it better? Hi, mine can't come to the phone right now, but just to give you a general idea of what I'm talking about...

Posted by: Mama AJ at August 09, 2010 06:54 AM (XdlcF)

56 Pulling your pud with an armless mannequin? That son of a bitch stole my move!

Posted by: denny crane at August 09, 2010 06:54 AM (zgZzy)

"It could have been a generic peter, you know a public domain jpeg that Bret is texting across town."

Next time any of you wants to text someone your penis, just make sure to type "public domain jpeg, not my penis" under it. And I won't call the cops.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 09, 2010 06:54 AM (HaYO4)

58
The mannequin humper's an idiot for getting caught.

Posted by: That guy on the shopping center roof humping a plastic owl at August 09, 2010 06:56 AM (Chg7a)

59 Apparently he's wearing a very distinctive watch on the wrist of the hand he's using to hold it.

So that just proves it's his hand, if you get my drift.

NTTAWWT _{*as required by a California judge*}

Posted by: Y-not at August 09, 2010 06:56 AM (5ZZzF)

60
I texted my wiener once. It never replied.

Posted by: That guy on the shopping center roof humping a plastic owl at August 09, 2010 06:57 AM (Chg7a)

61 ^{Except this mannequin has no arms.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta)}

If the mannequin looked anything like Sterger, it wouldn't need arms, IFYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: MrCaniac at August 09, 2010 06:57 AM (Vol3D)

62 #29 ftw

Posted by: lauraw at August 09, 2010 06:59 AM (GLlKQ)

63 Close to a Church chokin' da chicken! oh the infamy. Hell if he was here and intending to choke the chicken in public on a bench in town it would have to be close to a church. We have at least one on every city block.

They do that here because you can't get a liquor license unless the front door of your establishment is more than so many feet from a church or school.

As for that babe getting dick shots from Favre??? I am sure she has grounds there. But it sounds like she doesn't want to be known as a trouble making harassment bitch. This is where the damn assholes who have been such crapweasels before her have ruined it for the ones with legitimate complaints.

This is what women should really be raising hell about.

Posted by: Vic at August 09, 2010 07:00 AM (/jbAw)

64 I bet the mannequin was a redhead. Everytime I go to a store, those redheaded mannequins tease me every time.

Posted by: Palin Steele, off his meds at August 09, 2010 07:00 AM (Vol3D)

Apparently he's wearing a very distinctive watch on the wrist of the hand he's using to hold it.

What - no Super Bowl ring? Favre must have self-esteem issues.

Posted by: kallisto at August 09, 2010 07:00 AM (+FkcS)

66 Favre's so old he used to do it by fax.

Posted by: rickinstl at August 09, 2010 07:02 AM (0AEWQ)

67 The thing about the crocs is, well, you get an image, because crocs have holes in them so you see right through, so you get the image of his feet curling and turning purple as he faps. And you might say, "Hey, dick, I didn't have that image; thanks a lot, jerkoff!" And I say, "You're welcome."

Posted by: ace at August 09, 2010 07:03 AM (KUUXH)

68 As funny as I think the story is, the Deadspin crew are a bunch of dicks for running it when she obviously didn't want it to get out. They're the TMZ of sports blogs.

Posted by: brett favre's crocs at August 09, 2010 07:04 AM (9B8os)

69 I am offended by this post. I thought this was supposed to be a conservative site. Talk of boobs, masturbation, tally whackers, and Dennis Hopper are not, I repeat not how conservatives are supposed to think.

_{^{(It is rather sad that this site's spell check has masturbation and tally whacker in its database.)}}

Posted by: MrPaulRevere at August 09, 2010 07:04 AM (Vol3D)

70 haha... there is some irony there, story-popularlizer. But yeah, it's not so much that she didn't want it to get out (who cares?) as there was no evidence except her say-so, which she refused to actually even confirm.

Posted by: ace at August 09, 2010 07:05 AM (KUUXH)

72 I am offended by this post. I thought this was supposed to be a conservative site. Talk of boobs, masturbation, tally whackers, and Dennis Hopper are not, I repeat not how conservatives are supposed to think.

We're Mavericks!

Posted by: John McLame at August 09, 2010 07:06 AM (zgZzy)

was caught at Booker T. Washington Memorial Park

Booker T. is rolling over in his grave!

Posted by: King Malik ShamWow at August 09, 2010 07:08 AM (zgZzy)

73 Sorry, Officer, this mannequin was trying to rape me at gunpoint, but I disarmed her!

Posted by: nickless at August 09, 2010 07:09 AM (MMC8r)

74 "It's ok, officers. She's armless."

Posted by: Eddy Campbell at August 09, 2010 07:09 AM (3+oO2)

75 Hey, I figure it's out there and I still laugh about it so might as well run with it. But point taken. That's what I meant - it seemed like a funny story she just told on a lark and they ran with it despite no solid proof and her asking them not to. Kind of like the total- hearsay stories they like to run on "who's sleeping with who at ESPN."

Posted by: brett favre's crocs at August 09, 2010 07:09 AM (9B8os)

76 Yes, it's true, he has no dick.

Posted by: Dr. Peter Venkman at August 09, 2010 07:10 AM (y67bA)

77 Booker T. is rolling over in his grave!

Hey, I'm rolling, too.

Posted by: Armless Mannequin at August 09, 2010 07:12 AM (3+oO2)

78 "It's ok, officers. She's armless."
Posted by: Eddy Campbell at August 09, 2010 11:09 AM

That defense only works if you're English.

Posted by: J. Pinkerton Snoopington at August 09, 2010 07:12 AM (Ulu3i)

The thing about the crocs is, well, you get an image,

At first, I thought you were just "adjusting" the spelling of what he was trying to show in the pics.

Ugh, and I saw a commercial for kids' Crocs yesterday with a cute, dancing Croc.

Posted by: Mama AJ at August 09, 2010 07:12 AM (XdlcF)

80 The thing about the crocs is, well, you get an image, because crocs have holes in them so you see right through, so you get the image of his feet curling and turning purple as he faps.

And you might say, "Hey, dick, I didn't have that image; thanks a lot, jerkoff!"

And I say, "You're welcome."

Posted by: ace at August 09, 2010 11:03 AM (KUUXH)

What's worse is he had Hello Kitty Jibbitz in them.

Posted by: Rocks at August 09, 2010 07:12 AM (Q1lie)

81 Ace: This rates a low 3 on my awesome meter until confirmation it was a female "armless mannequin" on his lap. It could have been one of those mannequins that look like the Brawny guy.

Posted by: FreakyBoy at August 09, 2010 07:14 AM (uKraB)

82 Hey, since when does that fiery thing in the sky move upward?

Posted by: Site Owner at August 09, 2010 07:15 AM (3+oO2)

83 Incredibly irresponsible to print that Brett Favre story.

Posted by: Tommy V at August 09, 2010 07:16 AM (qU57d)

84 Somehow, I don't think creepiness is going to be enough to push Favre out the door. If Roethlisberger, Javon Walker, Vick, and Ray Lewis still have careers after their transgressions, I doubt criminal use of wrinkled wang will qualify.

Posted by: tmi3rd at August 09, 2010 07:16 AM (mqJ4A)

86 Incredibly irresponsible to print that Brett Favre story.

Shut up! I'm trying to stay in the news cycle!

Posted by: Brett Fav-re-re at August 09, 2010 07:17 AM (zgZzy)

86 We do not look in our great cities for our best morality.

Posted by: Jane Austen at August 09, 2010 07:17 AM (LdYLm)

87 I think now we know Herr Morgenholz's name IRL

Posted by: Blaster at August 09, 2010 07:17 AM (f92A7)

88 The part of the story where Favre's peen shrivels up:

"I don't roll that way. That way meaning old.. or married."

Middle age crisis NOT averted, heh.

Posted by: lauraw at August 09, 2010 07:19 AM (GLlKQ)

89 Incredibly irresponsible to print that Brett Favre story.

Posted by: Tommy V at August 09, 2010 11:16 AM (qU57d)

Yes, because having people think you want to screw a big breasted woman is seriously detrimental to an NFL career.

Posted by: Rocks at August 09, 2010 07:21 AM (Q1lie)

90 That Sterger is teh hawt. .. Anyone got her phone number? I've got something right here for her to throw across the room.

Posted by: Max Entropy at August 09, 2010 07:25 AM (la188)

91 We are pushing for marriage rights. You people are haters.

Posted by: ManMannequinLove at August 09, 2010 07:26 AM (+sBB4)

92
My only question is, how can a dude who makes millions a year be wearing Crocs? Seriously, you'd think you'd learn a thing or two about good taste after cashing a few of those paychecks...

Posted by: Original Mikey at August 09, 2010 07:26 AM (Av4L9)

93 Anyone hear from Masterbatin' Pete lately? Just askin'.....

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 09, 2010 07:27 AM (UOM48)

94 ^{Somehow, I don't think creepiness is going to be
enough to push Favre out the door. If Roethlisberger, Javon Walker,
Vick, and Ray Lewis still have careers after their transgressions, I
doubt criminal use of wrinkled wang will qualify.

Posted by: tmi3rd}

Uhm, you were saying?

Posted by: Paul Reubens at August 09, 2010 07:27 AM (Vol3D)

95
I don't see anything wrong with what Brett did.

Posted by: Greg Oden at August 09, 2010 07:31 AM (Av4L9)

96 52 When I held her I instantly got wood . . . or at least hard plastic.

Posted by: Eddie Campbell at August 09, 2010 10:50 AM (zgZzy)

Cut. Jib. Newsletter.

Posted by: George Michael at August 09, 2010 07:32 AM (YVZlY)

97 "Cell phone-donging"? Seriously? This is what's happening and this is now added to the modern lexicon?

Kids these days. I mean 40-something year-old boys these days. Whatever happened to dirty-talk and heavy breathing... you know, family wholesome goodness?

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at August 09, 2010 07:32 AM (swuwV)

So how long until these two stories merge into one and it was Brett Favre wearing crocs in a park with an armless mannequin?

Posted by: CDR M at August 09, 2010 07:32 AM (y67bA)

99
Is that a mannequin in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Posted by: Dang Straights at August 09, 2010 07:33 AM (fx8sm)

100

Yes, because having people think you want to screw a big breasted woman is seriously detrimental to an NFL career.

That's a step up. We usually date-rape them!

Posted by: Michael Vick at August 09, 2010 07:33 AM (zgZzy)

101 They're the TMZ of sports blogs.

All the Nick Denton blogs are some combination of leftist and sleazy. The AOL-branded equivalents (Fanhouse, Engadget, Joystiq) are better, if not perfect.

Posted by: Ian S. at August 09, 2010 07:33 AM (p05LM)

102

If that Favre story is true she must,must,go public with the proof

Sacred honor demands nothing less. Or not.

Posted by: Will Folks at August 09, 2010 07:34 AM (R2fpr)

103 My only question is, how can a dude who makes millions a year be wearing Crocs? Seriously, you'd think you'd learn a thing or two about good taste after cashing a few of those paychecks...

So, if he e-mailed weiner pictures in a pair of Louis Vitton loafers, you'd be okay with that?

Posted by: nickless at August 09, 2010 07:34 AM (MMC8r)

104

Kids these days. I mean 40-something year-old boys these days. Whatever happened to dirty-talk and heavy breathing... you know, family wholesome goodness?

Puh-lease! That is so 1987!

Posted by: A Flock of Seagulls at August 09, 2010 07:34 AM (zgZzy)

105 "So Brett, you just won the Super Bowl, what are you gonna do next?" "Woo hoo!!! I'm gonna beam a picture of my dick to that broad in the fourth row!!!"

Posted by: Lincolntf at August 09, 2010 07:35 AM (GTrO2)

106 Quit oppressing me, haters! We're to be married in the Fall after we move to L.A. It's in the Constitution!

Posted by: Eddie M. Campbell at August 09, 2010 07:35 AM (swuwV)

107

It's just a flesh wound.

Posted by: The Mannequin at August 09, 2010 07:37 AM (7ppar)

108

...and I get fired for asking a girl out too many times.

Posted by: Harold Reynolds at August 09, 2010 07:37 AM (SsRP3)

109 Quit oppressing me, haters! We're to be married in the Fall after we move to L.A. It's in the Constitution!

Posted by: Eddie M. Campbell

Sir you are under arrest for a public display of your penumbra.

Posted by: unenlightened cop at August 09, 2010 07:37 AM (R2fpr)

110

..and you want to be my latex salesman?

I don't think so.

Posted by: Jerry Seinfeld at August 09, 2010 07:38 AM (SsRP3)

111 To be fair, if you see an armless mannequin in the park, what else are you supposed to do? He really had no options.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at August 09, 2010 07:38 AM (swuwV)

112 Speaking of sports stars who like to show their dicks to people other than their wife, is anyone else liking the fall of Tiger Woods? Man he sucked this past weekend. Now that I've said that he'll probably win this week's PGA Championship. Posted by: polynikes at August 09, 2010 11:37 AM (m2CN7) 1) I don't really give a shit 2) he should go back to banging skanks and being a phony arogant asshole. Then he will start winning again.

Posted by: nevergiveup at August 09, 2010 07:38 AM (0GFWk)

113

"Was the armlessness of the victim important to the story?"

Had the mannequin been armed, maybe it could have defended itself against the assault.

Posted by: reason at August 09, 2010 07:39 AM (+hPIb)

114 C'mon, it was for my new TV show! Sunday nights, 7pm Eastern, 6 Central on ABC! Here's a preview!

Posted by: Creepy TV Producer at August 09, 2010 07:39 AM (Vol3D)

115 Bet ya that dude is now looking on eBay for mannequin arms.

Posted by: CDR M at August 09, 2010 07:41 AM (BuYeH)

116 You can have my Model # ARU 0105 (Gray) when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. http://tiny.cc/5h812

Posted by: Lincolntf at August 09, 2010 07:42 AM (GTrO2)

117 Damn, that's a great idea! Where can I get a cellphone...?

Posted by: Alvin Greene at August 09, 2010 07:43 AM (MMC8r)

118 #122 threadwinner

Posted by: Blaster at August 09, 2010 07:46 AM (f92A7)

119 You American's are so cheap. You could have had a fully functional model with lifelike behavior WITH ARMS!

Posted by: Japanese Robot Maker at August 09, 2010 07:46 AM (JSetw)

120 Saturday... in the park... I think it was the mannequin's thigh.......

Posted by: The Very Best of Chicago at August 09, 2010 07:47 AM (3+oO2)

121 121 LOL! Gray though? That's like Noghri colors. I thought they were smaller and had a lot of fur.

Posted by: Tim Zahn at August 09, 2010 07:48 AM (Mv/2X)

122

The worst part? I had to paint on the nipples myself!

Posted by: Eddie Campbell at August 09, 2010 07:48 AM (zgZzy)

123 We at the National Association of American Colored Mannequin's are outraged at this behavior. It's mannequist I tell you. Mannequist.

Posted by: NAACM at August 09, 2010 07:50 AM (Mv/2X)

124 Saturday... in the park... I think it was the mannequin's thigh.......

Posted by: The Very Best of Chicago

I think that this is the threadwinner right here. After all, it's got a great beat.....

Posted by: Blue Hen at August 09, 2010 07:52 AM (R2fpr)

125

"Favre's so old he used to do it by fax."

Favre's so old, he used to do it with a cartridge of 110 film, the Fox Foto one-hour kiosk, and a 29-cent stamp.

Posted by: reason at August 09, 2010 07:53 AM (F26eZ)

126 unenlightened cop: "Sir you are under arrest for a public display of your penumbra."

I got your penumbra right here, buddy! Release me and my chakra at once!

Posted by: An Inconvenienced Al Gore at August 09, 2010 07:54 AM (swuwV)

127

That's a step up. We usually date-rape them!

Posted by: Michael Vick

Yo Michael, don't forget giving the underage girls some Jesus Juice!

Posted by: Marcus Vick, The Pride of Virginia Tech at August 09, 2010 07:55 AM (Vol3D)

128 I guess the headline was supposed to be snark but it isn't working for me. The perv in the park story is funny for his lameness but the "Awesome" and "citation" refer is a schwing and a miss. We need better snark. Stamps feet and shakes fist at the heavens.

Posted by: Ohio Dan at August 09, 2010 07:55 AM (rurh0)

129

I'm so old, one time I got it stuck in the mimeo-machine.

New meaning to blue balls.

Posted by: Bret Favre, who likes to rock out with his crock out, at August 09, 2010 07:56 AM (F26eZ)

130
It looks like dick pictures are out, but pictures of low hanging balls must be in because I see fishnet encased balls hanging from trailer hitches, sometimes driven by women. What's up with that girls?

Posted by: Fish at August 09, 2010 07:58 AM (v1gw3)

131

I'm so old, one time I got it stuck in the mimeo-machine.

New meaning to blue balls.

Posted by: Bret Favre, who likes to rock out with his crock out

You should talk.

Posted by: victim of a tragic woodcut image accident at August 09, 2010 08:02 AM (R2fpr)

132 I'm so old, one time I got it stuck in the mimeo-machine.

I could tell you stories...

Posted by: Gutenberg at August 09, 2010 08:04 AM (MMC8r)

133 Somehow, I don't think creepiness is going to be enough to push Favre out the door.

He can parlay it into a run for Senate as a Democrat.

Posted by: Alvin Greene at August 09, 2010 08:12 AM (9PzaA)

134 I see fishnet encased balls hanging from trailer hitches, sometimes driven by women. What's up with that girls?

Last boyfriend. Refused to go to the mall during playoffs one time too many.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at August 09, 2010 08:14 AM (9PzaA)

135 Saturday... in the park... I think it was the mannequin's thigh.......

Posted by: The Very Best of Chicago

I don't think I can take it anymore.

Posted by: Terry at August 09, 2010 08:17 AM (pcJe3)

136 Damn, headless sock.

Posted by: Terry Kath at August 09, 2010 08:18 AM (pcJe3)

137 Sooo, if he wanted to get his girlfriend a boob job, how would that work? Flesh injections?

Posted by: pep at August 09, 2010 08:24 AM (0K3p3)

138 I feel terrible today, but you guys are cracking me up! Just complimenting.

Posted by: Quint&Jessel, Sea of Azof, Bly, UK at August 09, 2010 08:27 AM (GkYyh)

139 A post that demonstrates most men do not know what to do with their hands, and that phones with a camera can be a bad idea...

Posted by: ford at August 09, 2010 09:02 AM (Ki7fm)

140 And is that against some law in Kanawha ?? But you just know that they are not going to go easy on him when the deputies note that it happened near a church.

Posted by: denny crane at August 09, 2010 09:12 AM (I+7Zv)

141 What happened near a church, Farvre's crocs party or the armless love?

Posted by: ford at August 09, 2010 09:16 AM (Ki7fm)

142

So, if he e-mailed weiner pictures in a pair of Louis Vitton loafers, you'd be okay with that?

Well, if it was consensual weiner picture mailing, then yeah. Much better than crocs.

But seriously, guy parts aren't the most photogenic, why would any guy think a woman would be interested in seeing multiple photos of them?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at August 09, 2010 09:19 AM (RZ8pf)

143 140 Saturday... in the park... I think it was the mannequin's thigh....... Posted by: The Very Best of Chicago Ya know, I hate it when people get the lyrics wrong. Its: Saturday here in the park I SHOT IT ON THE MANNEQUINS THIGH. Google it.

Posted by: lowfibass at August 09, 2010 09:24 AM (T1ZAZ)

144 "What happens near a church, stays near a church."

Posted by: kallisto at August 09, 2010 09:25 AM (+FkcS)

145 Pics or it didn't happen.

Posted by: DoDoGuRu at August 09, 2010 09:41 AM (31pnY)

146 I'd bet my last dollar the pervs a democrat!

Posted by: TrickyDick at August 09, 2010 09:48 AM (bVka+)

147 This is just Favre's way of preparing for a future comeback with ESPN's Erin Andrews.

Posted by: Fritz at August 09, 2010 09:51 AM (GwPRU)

148

Man, if you are going to destroy your reputation by sending someone shots of your dick, there are probably few woman more worthy. Damn, she is hot.

Posted by: Bob at August 09, 2010 10:17 AM (/G0pB)

149 I don't buy the whole "threw my phone across the room" bit; people say that kind of crap but who has? And really, what really hot girl hasn't gotten a pic of some guy's schwanz at least once before?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at August 09, 2010 01:11 PM (PQY7w)

150 caught at Booker T. Washington Memorial Park in Malden with his shirt off and his pants around his ankles.

Big deal. Who HASN'T been caught there with our shirts off and pants around our ankles. That park is begging for it.

Posted by: Kevin at August 09, 2010 03:17 PM (GKXDW)

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I have been driven by fashion and return to using this type of moccasin, which has not done since the 10 or 11 years. However, in aged skin that gives a much more current. If I'm correct this issue "used" is achieved by waxing the skin and then brushing the wax burns and, to be darker than the skin makes a patina reminiscent of the shoes and other leather goods that have been used for long

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