November 19, 2010

Man's Penis Freed From Metal Pipe With Industrial Grinder
— LauraW

Man's Penis Freed From Metal Pipe With Industrial Grinder

The hospital staff couldn't get the job done so they had to call in the fire department. Seven firefighters attended the call.

So, basically, imagine yourself lying in the hands of discreet medical professionals, being helped out of a tender and embarrassing situation. That's not so bad.

But then the most macho men on the planet pile into your hospital room to free your sad little joint with a large industrial grinder.

This scenario is just exactly like firefighters rescuing a kitten from a tree, but instead of a trembling helpless kitten, it's your dick, and instead of a tree, it's a fitting you bought at Home Depot that 'looked about right', and instead of a cheering crowd of onlookers, there's a tittering nurse and your red tear-streaked face staring at the wall in suicidal silence.

Happy ending:

The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day.

The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis,

Yeah, no shit.

Posted by: LauraW at 08:36 AM | Comments (366)
Post contains 205 words, total size 1 kb.

1 You guys will stick it anywhere.  Literally anywhere. 

Posted by: Y-not at November 19, 2010 08:38 AM (UcOiF)

2 @1
That's not true. 

Posted by: Helen Thomas at November 19, 2010 08:38 AM (UcOiF)

3 What, they couldn't coax it out?

There HAD to be a nurse there that could have helped.

Or, did he have some 'odor' problems too?

Posted by: Mr Wolf at November 19, 2010 08:38 AM (Nht4m)

4 boys will be boys, eh?

Posted by: some wench at November 19, 2010 08:38 AM (uJBct)

5 Some moron's got some 'splaing to do!

Posted by: ya2daup at November 19, 2010 08:38 AM (HmCnI)

6 How'd you get the beans above the frank?!?!?!?!

Posted by: William_Shatner's_Pants at November 19, 2010 08:39 AM (dhz9q)

7 Sounds like my last voting experience.

Posted by: lorien1973 at November 19, 2010 08:39 AM (IhQuA)

8

All together now:

One in a million shot, doc.  One in a million shot.

Thus concludes our mandatory Seinfeld reference of the day.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 19, 2010 08:40 AM (B+qrE)

9 I guess if I had a choice between the guy who had sex with a picnic table, the guy who had sex with a dead deer and this guy, I'd shoot myself in the head.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 08:40 AM (HaYO4)

10 @9
It wasn't sex sex. 

Posted by: Whoopi at November 19, 2010 08:41 AM (UcOiF)

11 Watch manager Greg Garrett from the Redbridge fire station told the Southampton daily Echo: 'IÂ’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. ItÂ’s not a daily occurrence.'

It's happened more than once? Really?

Posted by: ya2daup at November 19, 2010 08:42 AM (HmCnI)

12

Boy, wouldn't THAT give the TSA folks a shock.

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:42 AM (4u+LN)

13

Only then was he allowed to procced to the gate and board his flight.

Posted by: The next TSA enhanced procedure at November 19, 2010 08:42 AM (R2fpr)

14 The opposite of Viagra: Hillshardnomore

Posted by: momma at November 19, 2010 08:43 AM (penCf)

15 Something gets stuck. The person panics and starts pulling and struggling thereby causing swelling. The best solution is to relax, elevate the appendage, and wait for the swelling to go down by gravity. Maybe, squirt a little dish soap in there, too.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 08:43 AM (Ez4Ql)

16 So, which one of you is going to own up to this?

Posted by: ef at November 19, 2010 08:43 AM (gMe9c)

17 I guess his last girl friend has bragging rights:  " After I left him, nothing short of steel pipe would do!"

Posted by: Speller at November 19, 2010 08:43 AM (J74Py)

18 Really, why was his dick in the pipe.  Think about it.  How can you fuck a pipe?

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:44 AM (4u+LN)

19 yasdaup, he means this type of thing quite loosely.
Like when a vicar 'falls on a potato'.

Posted by: lauraw at November 19, 2010 08:44 AM (KrOMg)

20 Laying pipe, literally.

Posted by: Fatty Bolger at November 19, 2010 08:44 AM (TAiZ/)

21

"It's happened more than once? Really?"

The other times it was a pool filter, a vacuum cleaner and paper towel tube.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 08:45 AM (HaYO4)

22 So, which one of you is going to own up to this?

Posted by: ef

 

The pipe wasn't burst from within, so it definitely wasn't me.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 08:45 AM (R2fpr)

23 Well that's a bit awkward.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at November 19, 2010 08:45 AM (b68Df)

24 I have always used I have heard a picture of Nancy Pelosi will achieve sufficient shrinkage

Posted by: real joe at November 19, 2010 08:45 AM (IpIBJ)

25 Really, why was his dick in the pipe.  Think about it.  How can you fuck a pipe?

Posted by: MDH3

 

he had a wet pipedream?

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 08:46 AM (R2fpr)

26 1 You guys will stick it anywhere. Literally anywhere. Posted by: Y-not at November 19, 2010 12:38 PM (UcOiF) Sadly, it is true. At least for some men.

Posted by: ExurbanKevin at November 19, 2010 08:46 AM (toqoX)

27 Well that explains why Ace hasn't been posting much for the last few days.

Posted by: Rich at November 19, 2010 08:46 AM (wUlwF)

28 The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis,

There are some fine products out there that are both affordable and method built for this task. Someone should introduce this gentleman to the product line at the local adult store.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 08:46 AM (0q2P7)

29 Sounds like my last voting experience.
Posted by: lorien1973 at November 19, 2010 12:39 PM

Caught your johnson in a voting machine, eh?

You musta been voting for the rocket-scientist babe in AZ.

Posted by: MrScribbler© at November 19, 2010 08:46 AM (Ulu3i)

30

Like none of you guys ever tried to unclog a drain by fucking it.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at November 19, 2010 08:47 AM (tApQj)

31 >>The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis,

Eh. . .happens to me all the time.

Posted by: looking closely at November 19, 2010 08:47 AM (6Q9g2)

32 ( * muffled squeeking * )
Can somebody come free us from this dark, stinky place? Any one? Please?

Posted by: gerbils embedded in Richard Gere's nether regions at November 19, 2010 08:47 AM (HmCnI)

33 Hell, I called for my pipe, I called for my bowl, and I called for my fiddlers three, and the next thing you know....

Posted by: Old King Cole at November 19, 2010 08:48 AM (TAiZ/)

34

And how in the world did he determine the size of the pipe he had to buy? 

I'm still stuck (ha ha) on why it was in there.  I mean, I know why, but WHY. 

Seriously, morons, would any of you stick your stuff into a metal pipe?  Don't y'all prefer warm, wet, and yielding to, well, a metal pipe?!

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:48 AM (4u+LN)

35 Like none of you guys ever tried to unclog a drain by fucking it.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack

 

Unlike some here, we'd have to remove the strainer first.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 08:48 AM (R2fpr)

36 I'd like it noted that the "four-and-a-half inch" thing in the story is the blade radius of the industrial grinder.

INDUSTRIAL!

Posted by: the penis at November 19, 2010 08:48 AM (x7Ao8)

37 Man's Penis Freed From Metal Pipe With Industrial Grinder

Or as I like to call it, "Friday".

Posted by: a sullivan at November 19, 2010 08:48 AM (y3N4m)

38 Am I the only one that wants to know what size/type of fitting?

Posted by: nine coconuts at November 19, 2010 08:49 AM (DHNp4)

39 27 = threadwinner

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:49 AM (4u+LN)

40 #15

In all seriousness, once swelling occurs, the increased pressure cuts off the return circulation, so the swelling can't be reduced.

Not to be too delicate about this, this is the principle of the "cock ring".   . .to maintain pressure.

Of course that thing, you just unsnap (or roll off. . .whatever). 


Posted by: looking closely at November 19, 2010 08:49 AM (6Q9g2)

41 OTOH, what a confidence booster: he bought a pipe that "he thought looked about right" and was wrong enough that it took an industrial grinder to extricate him.

So now he knows he's bigger than he thought.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 08:49 AM (8y9MW)

42 #11 - My thoughts exactly. And this from one firefighter at one location. Hmmm, multiply this times all the firefighters out there.... Opportunities baby!

Posted by: Joe's Plumbing Supply at November 19, 2010 08:49 AM (/iqzs)

43 Like none of you guys ever tried to unclog a drain by fucking it.

Well one of the tips on the DIY site is to "chase the clog from the drain with your snake".

Posted by: Buzzsaw at November 19, 2010 08:50 AM (tf9Ne)

44 You guys will stick it anywhere.  Literally anywhere.

Well just as some woman are very creative with hide the (fill in the blank) some men get over creative with a hole 's a hole. But generally for the vast majority of men, no, there are limits, very strict reasonable limits.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 08:50 AM (0q2P7)

45 If it was me I wouldn't go to the hospital, I would live the rest of my life with my penis stuck in the pipe.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:50 AM (wuv1c)

46

If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 08:51 AM (HaYO4)

47 Well that explains why Ace hasn't been posting much for the last few days.

Posted by: Rich

 

"When asked why seven firefighters were required, Chief Fred 'spotty' McBlazes cited departmental policy requiring at least two personnel operating the grinder, supervised by a senior firefighter or leiutenant. The others were there to deal with a potential fire hazard due to burning fur."

Posted by: film at 11:00 at November 19, 2010 08:51 AM (R2fpr)

48 I am frightened by how much knowledge some of you have about this subject.

Posted by: Y-not is ascared at November 19, 2010 08:51 AM (UcOiF)

49 There are some fine products out there that are both affordable and method built for this task. Someone should introduce this gentleman to the product line at the local adult store.

No way -- going into an adult store is way too embarrassing.

Posted by: nine coconuts at November 19, 2010 08:52 AM (DHNp4)

50

Really, why was his dick in the pipe.  Think about it.  How can you fuck a pipe?

Use PVC guys, everyone knows that's safe pipe sex.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:52 AM (wuv1c)

51 It sounds like a few morons have sampled pipe before?Yes?....with all the "relax, and get a little soap "suggestions. these morons can stick a pipe , and walk away sastified. All and all a" can do" sort. HOW ABOUT A MUFFLER, ANYONE BEEN IN A MUFFLER YET?

Posted by: ford the IINO. Independent in name only at November 19, 2010 08:52 AM (Ki7fm)

52

@47, outed at work, thanks a lot. 

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:52 AM (4u+LN)

53 I've used one of those grinders before, and steel gets red hot in seconds.
This is just a terrifying scenario all around.

Posted by: lauraw at November 19, 2010 08:52 AM (KrOMg)

54 #45

After about a day there would be irreversible injury, and after another day or two it could get even worse than that (eg necrosis, infection, etc).

I'd prefer the embarassment and a lifetime of ribbing than death, personally, but I'm weak that way.





Posted by: looking closely at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (6Q9g2)

55 Did I ever tell you about the time I fell off the couch right onto my wife's pearl necklace?
Man, you wouldn't believe it. Must have been a one in a million shot, Doc.

Posted by: Bob Onthis at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (Zi+FQ)

56

If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

A Wermacht uniform would be a good match.

did i take this too far?

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (wuv1c)

57 Finally, a thread worthy of my intellect.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (xxgag)

58 45 If it was me I wouldn't go to the hospital, I would live the rest of my life with my penis stuck in the pipe.

Ummmm....hello!

Posted by: Jack Haley at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (eFsmY)

59 #41  OTOH, what a confidence booster: he bought a pipe that "he thought looked about right" and was wrong enough that it took an industrial grinder to extricate him.

So now he knows he's bigger than he thought.

Just sayin'.

That's a good demonstration of "guy thinking" right there.

Posted by: some wench at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (uJBct)

60 1 You guys will stick it anywhere.  Literally anywhere.

Thus is the inevitable result of decadence given free-reign over human affairs.

And my Skinemax "research" shows that some women behave in the same manner as men with regards to their particular orifices. 

These are only two from the multitude of reasons as to why decadence must be scourged from the Earth!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (9hSKh)

61 any suggestions for his new nickname at work?

Posted by: nine coconuts at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (DHNp4)

62

If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves)

 

Shall we guess what the dream house would look like?

Posted by: film at 11:00 at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (R2fpr)

63 1 You guys will stick it anywhere.  Literally anywhere.

Wish women know:  A man will never love anyone or anything as much as he loves his penis.  He' do it's bidding, no matter how silly, he'll follow it anywhere, no matter how perilous, and if society would allow it, he'd put a hat on it and set it a place at the dinner table.

Posted by: EZB at November 19, 2010 08:53 AM (fa9yq)

64 #45

After about a day there would be irreversible injury, and after another day or two it could get even worse than that (eg necrosis, infection, etc).

I'd prefer the embarassment and a lifetime of ribbing than death, personally, but I'm weak that way.

I would just paint the pipe a light pink color and pretend nothing was wrong.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (wuv1c)

65 What, no jaws of life?

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (mB2ub)

66

Jeez Louiz what the heck was he thinking!

 

 

Hasn't he ever heard of PVC?

Posted by: kidney at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (ENRGu)

67 Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 12:43 PM (Ez4Ql)

Sounds like you speak from experience.......

Posted by: Sponge at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (5lj51)

68 If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

Oh, you already do, dear.

Posted by: Husbands of the World at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (eFsmY)

69 I have to stop reading this thread.  My staff is going to think I've gone insane.

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (4u+LN)

70 "Laying pipe" takes on a whole new meaning.

Posted by: Fritz at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (GwPRU)

71 I mean, I know why, but WHY.

Despite incessant spurring, my imagination cannot recreated a line of thinking that makes this a good idea.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 08:54 AM (0q2P7)

72 What, a grinder? Too much work.

Posted by: Lorena Bobbit at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (/iqzs)

73

Posted by: ExurbanKevin at November 19, 2010 12:46 PM (toqoX)

there are things that cannot be unseen. damn you

 

Posted by: pitchforksandpowder at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (xo1KY)

74 I've used one of those grinders before, and steel gets red hot in seconds.
This is just a terrifying scenario all around.

Posted by: lauraw

 

The first person that asks what she used the grinder on should be banned.

Posted by: film at 11:00 at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (R2fpr)

75 Ahh, f'k that pipe. A "pipe dream."Laying pipe. Put it in your pipe.

Posted by: CMU VET at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (uzv18)

76

Bananas aren't so expensive that he had to use a steel pipe:

http://tinyurl.com/y2hgee

Posted by: Speller at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (J74Py)

77 That's why it's better to settle for sweaty glutes.

Posted by: Andi Sullivan at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (xzZMA)

78 Been there, done that.

Posted by: Local Union #182 at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (H2fiJ)

79 so this is why the TSA is checking our crotches

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:55 AM (wuv1c)

80 The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day.

Sounds like just another day for us.

Posted by: Morons Everywhere at November 19, 2010 08:56 AM (YrhnQ)

81 @71 - EXACTLY.

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 08:56 AM (4u+LN)

82 If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4)

That's the single most disturbing thing I've ever read on here. I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: The Mega Indepedent at November 19, 2010 08:56 AM (y3N4m)

83 #64 >>I would just paint the pipe a light pink color and pretend nothing was wrong.

You'd also need a percutaneous urostomy to drain your bladder, but you could get away with it for at least a few days.

Of course, I wouldn't know as my tallywhacker was accidentally destroyed in an industrial smelting accident.

Posted by: looking closely at November 19, 2010 08:57 AM (PwGfd)

84 21
The other times it was a pool filter, a vacuum cleaner and paper towel tube.
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:45 PM (HaYO4)

Unraveling the paper towel tube by tearing it along the seam never occurred to that moron? He deserved all the humiliation he got.  Just like guys who sue providers of "male enhancement / lengthening" products ... not only did they fall for the sales pitch, but they also revealed their inadequacy to the whole world.

Posted by: Brawny Guy at November 19, 2010 08:57 AM (HmCnI)

85 69 I have to stop reading this thread.  My staff is going to think I've gone insane.

lol.

Posted by: Y-not is ascared at November 19, 2010 08:57 AM (UcOiF)

86

I mean, I know why, but WHY.

Despite incessant spurring, my imagination cannot recreated a line of thinking that makes this a good idea.

If the person who did this was 13, I could kinda understand it, but the guy is 40. He should know better.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:57 AM (wuv1c)

87 That's the single most disturbing thing I've ever read on here. I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: The Mega Indepedent

 

Keep reading. i'm sure that you can find it a mate.

Posted by: film at 11:00 at November 19, 2010 08:57 AM (R2fpr)

88 WE GOT A BLEEDER!!!!

Posted by: pendejo grande at November 19, 2010 08:58 AM (/HyTI)

89 Somebody but that man a Dremel - somethings should just stay private.

Posted by: Jean at November 19, 2010 08:59 AM (judfL)

90 That's why it's better to settle...

Yeah I bet you'd like to put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 08:59 AM (0q2P7)

91 WE GOT A BLEEDER!!!!

Posted by: pendejo grande

 

Fear not; we've consulted a specialist. Dr. Amy Bishop.

Posted by: film at 11:00 at November 19, 2010 08:59 AM (R2fpr)

92 I can't help but feel like this is all my fault.

Posted by: Winston Wolf at November 19, 2010 08:59 AM (y3N4m)

93 He should have coated the inside of the pipe with anti-seizing compound.

Posted by: Fritz at November 19, 2010 08:59 AM (GwPRU)

94 Maybe he was trying to unclog the pipe?

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 08:59 AM (wuv1c)

95 He was just protecting himself from those painful zipper accidents.

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:00 AM (mB2ub)

96 I can't help but feel like this is all my fault.

Posted by: Winston Wolf

 

Need help with the apology?

Posted by: Rep Joe Barton at November 19, 2010 09:00 AM (R2fpr)

97 I'm sure the saw is water cooled, lauraw.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 09:00 AM (Ez4Ql)

98 Will this be covered under ObamaCare?

Posted by: t-bird at November 19, 2010 09:01 AM (FcR7P)

99 At least he didn't "fall on a potato" at the same time.

Posted by: huerfano at November 19, 2010 09:01 AM (QgmBR)

100 He should have coated the inside of the pipe with anti-seizing compound.

Posted by: Fritz

 

I'm seizing up just from reading this.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 09:01 AM (R2fpr)

101 #86

Sometimes the answer to "why" is that no matter how insane it appears to objective review, its because you've gotten away with similar behavior for years.

(See Bill Clinton per penis placement, Al Gore vis a vis massage, etc).


Posted by: looking closely at November 19, 2010 09:02 AM (PwGfd)

102 Don't grind my junk!

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at November 19, 2010 09:02 AM (OXWdU)

103 I don't know how long this dude's been doing this, but personally, I learned to always carry WD-40 with me after the first six times I had to call the fire department.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at November 19, 2010 09:02 AM (YrhnQ)

104 We've goot a piper doon...! A piper dooon!

Posted by: Angus McTavish McScottish Dundee at November 19, 2010 09:02 AM (eFsmY)

105 Will this be covered under ObamaCare?

Posted by: t-bird

 

If you like your length of pipe, you can keep (both) length(s) of pipe.

Posted by: Dr. Obama at November 19, 2010 09:02 AM (R2fpr)

106 18 Really, why was his dick in the pipe.  Think about it.  How can you fuck a pipe?

That's what he said!

Posted by: She-3-P-O at November 19, 2010 09:02 AM (cv5Iw)

107 The pipe was begging for it.

Posted by: SOMEASSHOLESTOLEMYPEN at November 19, 2010 09:03 AM (VmAoa)

108 If the person who did this was 13, I could kinda understand it, but the guy is 40. He should know better.

Maybe, at 13 you might still be sufficiently unclear about how the mechanics of that widget worked. By 14 I expect that you would have figured out this is a really BAD idea. And 40!!?? Just thinking about putting your junk in a steel pipe ought to make you go limp. Does this guy have some sort of goth/punk/industrial fetish? That is all I can figure.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:03 AM (0q2P7)

109 Hey, this reminds me of an oldie but goodie:

a:  Why are you so down. . .
b: Just lost my job at the plant.
a:  What happened?
b. Well, its a little embarassing, but I got caught inserting my penis into the pickle slicer.
a:  You did WHAT?  Why the F@#$ would you put your manhood into the pickle slicer?
b:  Well, if you had gotten a good look at her, you'd understand!


Posted by: looking closely at November 19, 2010 09:04 AM (PwGfd)

110 We can look forward to the day when social cons are squelched and this man and this pipe can marry and live happily ever after.

Posted by: Progress at November 19, 2010 09:04 AM (R2fpr)

111 46
If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4)

Why, you wicked little minx!

Posted by: Moron furiously thinking how to get the wife to do this ... at November 19, 2010 09:04 AM (HmCnI)

112 He's doing it wrong.

He should have been wearing Crocs and taken a cell phone photo of his deed.

Posted by: Brett Favre at November 19, 2010 09:05 AM (9hSKh)

113 Now THERE'S a man who loves plumbing!

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 09:05 AM (tJjm/)

114

I've used one of those grinders before... gets red hot in seconds.

What have you and your little hump been getting up to!?

Posted by: garrett at November 19, 2010 09:05 AM (HA7+Z)

115 If there were goats around, the man wouldn't have found himself in this hard situation.

Posted by: The Taliban at November 19, 2010 09:06 AM (9hSKh)

116 Penis and the piiiiipe
Exchanging glances

Posted by: Frank Sinatra at November 19, 2010 09:06 AM (y3N4m)

117 If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

It's really tough to fit for outfits, it's constantly changing size (Unless it happens to be stuck in a rigid form some how) depending on a number of environmental factors. (Temperature, testosterone levels, proximity to hot babes, etc etc)

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:06 AM (0q2P7)

118

I've used one of those grinders before... gets red hot in seconds.

What have you and your little hump been getting up to!?

Posted by: garrett

 

see post #74. Where's that frickin' banhammer!?! Pandora here just opened THE box!

Posted by: Progress at November 19, 2010 09:06 AM (R2fpr)

119 The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day.

This line slays me. The writer makes it sound as though the little guy was a kitteh the firefighters had rescued from a tree and now it was curled up and sleeping soundly.

Posted by: Guffawing moron at November 19, 2010 09:07 AM (HmCnI)

120 New song, "Dick In A Pipe"? to replace "Dick In A Box"

Posted by: Radioactive Satellite Of LOVE at November 19, 2010 09:07 AM (LdYLm)

121
Free Mumia Penis!

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:07 AM (uFokq)

122

he had a wet pipedream?

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 12:46 PM (R2fpr)


Pretty good!

Posted by: mikeyboss at November 19, 2010 09:08 AM (MX5qJ)

123 I bet this guy will die of a heart attack, or let his house burn to the ground before he ever calls the fire dept again. 

Posted by: embarassed guy at November 19, 2010 09:08 AM (uJBct)

124 OT, Nearly 1 in 5 Americans had mental illness in 2009Explains Obama's core support

Posted by: Radioactive Satellite Of LOVE at November 19, 2010 09:08 AM (LdYLm)

126 The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day.

It could not be reached for comment.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 09:09 AM (wuv1c)

127 The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day.

This line slays me. The writer makes it sound as though the little guy was a kitteh the firefighters had rescued from a tree and now it was curled up and sleeping soundly.

Posted by: Guffawing moron

 

"Rescuers sought to console it with a bowl of cream and by stroking it, but then it seemed to become frightened and tried to re-enter the pipe."

Posted by: fi at November 19, 2010 09:09 AM (R2fpr)

128 Finally! I'm free!

Posted by: Al Gore's Second Chakra at November 19, 2010 09:09 AM (toqoX)

129

They should have just given him an ice-cold shower.

Shrinkage.

Posted by: kevlarchick at November 19, 2010 09:10 AM (TNuqz)

130 I hear he was arrested for solder-me...

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at November 19, 2010 09:10 AM (OXWdU)

131 107
The pipe was begging for it.
Posted by: SOMEASSHOLESTOLEMYPEN at November 19, 2010 01:03 PM (VmAoa)

When a pipe says, "No!", it means, "No!"

Posted by: Snickering feminazis at November 19, 2010 09:10 AM (HmCnI)

132

If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

If I had a Boat, I'd go out on the Ocean

and if I had a Pony, I'd let him hump my Goat.

 

 

Posted by: Lyle Lovett at November 19, 2010 09:10 AM (HA7+Z)

133 If you touch my pipe, I'll have you arrested.

Posted by: Frequent Flyer #9 at November 19, 2010 09:11 AM (7cXE7)

134
I went to the airport yesterday. When I got on the airplane my penis was bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by the TSA search.

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:11 AM (uFokq)

135 This line slays me. The writer makes it sound as though the little guy was a kitteh the firefighters had rescued from a tree and now it was curled up and sleeping soundly.

Half right.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at November 19, 2010 09:11 AM (YrhnQ)

136 We could leave a supply of these pipes laying around Guantanamo. Maybe cover them with goatskin. "Sorry, I can't hear you! You did what?"

Posted by: t-bird at November 19, 2010 09:11 AM (FcR7P)

137 Did they mention whether the pipe was sturdy enough to contain, say, pudding?

Posted by: Concerned Moron Asking Questions at November 19, 2010 09:11 AM (y3N4m)

138

Ad for a porn shop:

Are you worried that buying a "marital aid" will be too embarrassing?  Well, trying having a team of firefighters cut a pipe off your schlong at the hospital.

Posted by: Michael at November 19, 2010 09:11 AM (FC2+c)

139 The term laying pipe, I don't think he understands what it means.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 19, 2010 09:12 AM (TMB3S)

140 What did the pipe do to suffer such a fate?  Sounds like Sharia Law to me.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 19, 2010 09:12 AM (xzZMA)

141
It's just like when a little kid falls down an abandoned shaft.

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:13 AM (uFokq)

142 Industrial strength condom?

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:13 AM (mB2ub)

143 Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!

Posted by: I have a pipe dream at November 19, 2010 09:13 AM (pYMmj)

144

They should have just given him an ice-cold shower.

Shrinkage.

I hate to be, that guy, you know, the one that you wonder why he knows too much about that awkward subject, but, once you have mechanically compressed the one way valves (forcing them to remain closed) that cause an erection, they effectively will maintain pressure in the turgid member regardless of normal environmental factors that would normally open them due to the mechanical compression not allowing them to relax.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:13 AM (0q2P7)

145

Maybe he was trying to install a golden shower in his house.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 09:13 AM (wuv1c)

146 118
It's really tough to fit for outfits, it's constantly changing size (Unless it happens to be stuck in a rigid form some how) depending on a number of environmental factors. (Temperature, testosterone levels, proximity to hot babes, etc etc)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 01:06 PM (0q2P7)

One word: spandex.

Posted by: Spandex - is there anything it can't enhance? at November 19, 2010 09:13 AM (HmCnI)

147 What's worse? Sticking your dick into an object and getting stuck vs. Sticking an object up your dick. I go with the second. Guys stick all sorts of weird crp up their urethras. That's what contributed to that dumbass Kinsey's death.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 09:14 AM (Ez4Ql)

148 Males have two main organs. Their brain and their penis and only enough blood in their body to operate one of them at a time.

Posted by: Buffalobob at November 19, 2010 09:14 AM (GwH6h)

149 Laying pipe

Your doing it wrong.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:14 AM (0q2P7)

150 Let this be a lesson to you young plumbers...always flux your fittings.

Posted by: garrett at November 19, 2010 09:14 AM (HA7+Z)

151 Maybe he just wanted to go near something with a ten foot pole.

Posted by: The Mega Indepedent at November 19, 2010 09:15 AM (y3N4m)

152 @144 - I was avoid this subject, but since you insist on bringing it up...

How do you know all this?
WHY do you know all this?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 09:16 AM (8y9MW)

153 I hear he was arrested for solder-me...

Posted by: Mr. Bingley

 

When asked if he would be able to withstand the rigors of a trial and possible incarceration, he replied, "no sweat". His lawyer declined commnet, but said that the situation was in a state of flux.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 09:16 AM (R2fpr)

154 Maybe he was hanging some curtains and fell on it.

Posted by: Hotspur at November 19, 2010 09:16 AM (c158/)

155 34 And how in the world did he determine the size of the pipe he had to buy? I'm still stuck (ha ha) on why it was in there. I mean, I know why, but WHY. Seriously, morons, would any of you stick your stuff into a metal pipe? Don't y'all prefer warm, wet, and yielding to, well, a metal pipe?! I just need the YIELDING part. The rest is gravy.

Posted by: le's Front of Judea at November 19, 2010 09:16 AM (V1qn8)

156
Curtis Got Stuck©

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:17 AM (uFokq)

157 I read about this a looooong time ago. Maybe even last year.

Posted by: JC at November 19, 2010 09:17 AM (qj6F5)

158 If he needed a "penis extender" he should of just bought a corvette.

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:17 AM (mB2ub)

159 111 46
If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4)

It's called a Penis Sheath, and mine is VERY impressive.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 09:17 AM (tJjm/)

160

How do you know all this?
WHY do you know all this?

My guess is he got his moose cock stuck in a road culvert, once.

Posted by: garrett at November 19, 2010 09:18 AM (HA7+Z)

161 You know, really, I think we're being cold and cruel here.

I mean, maybe if we understood him better and gave him a hug....

NAA... continue with your regularly scheduled humiliation.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 09:18 AM (8y9MW)

162 Let this be a lesson to you young plumbers...always flux your fittings.

Posted by: garrett

 

This calls for a song:

 

Helloooo young plumbers, wherever 'you' are, I hope your worries are few. Careless young plumbers become their own clogs, don't let this happen to youuuuuuu.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 09:18 AM (R2fpr)

163 Laugh all you want, that was a three inch diameter pipe.

Posted by: pipe fucker at November 19, 2010 09:19 AM (rplS1)

164 157 I read about this a looooong time ago. Maybe even last year.

Posted by: JC at November 19, 2010 01:17 PM (qj6F5)


No, that was the Roto-Rooter Man.  This guy is a private contractor.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 09:19 AM (tJjm/)

165 Watch manager Greg Garrett from the Redbridge fire station told the Southampton daily Echo: 'IÂ’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. ItÂ’s not a daily occurrence.'

What the hell is going on in that town?

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 09:19 AM (VuLos)

166 This thread is hilarious. I'm dying.

Posted by: lauraw at November 19, 2010 09:19 AM (KrOMg)

167 After they freed him from the pipe, they rushed him over to the computer store to have the pc mouse pulled out of his ass.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (tJjm/)

168 Laugh all you want, that was a three inch diameter pipe.

I'm not sure which is worse, the comment, or that I didn't go there first...

163 comments?  We should all be ashamed Moron Nation.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (8y9MW)

169 >>I read about this a looooong time ago. Maybe even last year. What, you think this is a one time event? I dated an ER nurse in my youth (highly recommended btw) and the shit she used to tell me about what she saw in the ER was unreal. Guys stick their junk everywhere. This could be any Saturday night.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (TMB3S)

170 No! No! No!

Ya gotta heat up the pipe with a torch!
.

Posted by: gastorgrab at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (H2LlS)

171 Tami: I use to work in an ER. Stuff like this is more common than you think.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (Ez4Ql)

172 156
Curtis© Got Stuck©
Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 01:17 PM (uFokq)

You're doing it wrong ... you'll hear from our attorney.

Posted by: KC Masterpiece Mama at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (HmCnI)

173

would anyone really be surprised to learn this guy was one of the WV knife lady's victims??

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 19, 2010 09:20 AM (pLTLS)

174

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 01:19 PM (VuLos)

No fat chicks?

 

Posted by: garrett at November 19, 2010 09:21 AM (HA7+Z)

175 I'll bet it was threaded, - for his pleasure.

Posted by: Fritz at November 19, 2010 09:21 AM (GwPRU)

176 163 comments?  We should all be ashamed Moron Nation.

Naaa.

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:22 AM (mB2ub)

177 Has anyone seen a pipe laying around?

***Whips out johnson

It's about this long.

Posted by: Guy Who Doesn't Learn at November 19, 2010 09:22 AM (BKOsZ)

178 165 Watch manager Greg Garrett from the Redbridge fire station told the Southampton daily Echo: 'IÂ’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. ItÂ’s not a daily occurrence.'

What the hell is going on in that town?

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 01:19 PM (VuLos)

Gerbil shortage?

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 19, 2010 09:22 AM (xzZMA)

179 Tami: I use to work in an ER. Stuff like this is more common than you think.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 01:20 PM (Ez4Ql)

I'm sure it is but for the fire dept. to be called in that many times?!

Is their a pipe fuckers union?

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 09:22 AM (VuLos)

180 168
163 comments?  We should all be ashamed Moron Nation.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 01:20 PM (8y9MW)

By God, you're right ... let's pick up the pace people!

Posted by: Overachieving moron at November 19, 2010 09:22 AM (HmCnI)

181 It's just like when a little kid falls down an abandoned shaft.

Bark!  Bark!  Bark!  Bark!  Bark!  Bark!  Bark!  Bark!

Translation:  "Come quick!  Timmy's got his dick stuck in a pipe!"

Posted by: Lassie at November 19, 2010 09:23 AM (xxgag)

182 I hate to be, that guy, you know, the one that you wonder why he knows too much about that awkward subject, but, once you have mechanically compressed the one way valves (forcing them to remain closed) that cause an erection, they effectively will maintain pressure in the turgid member regardless of normal environmental factors that would normally open them due to the mechanical compression not allowing them to relax.

I would imagine that it would be better to try and slightly heat the pipe.  Hopefully it would expand just enough for blood flow to return.

Posted by: Alex at November 19, 2010 09:23 AM (yY28H)

183 He was re-enacting the rescue of the Chilean miners.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at November 19, 2010 09:23 AM (tApQj)

184 No "I'd hit it" or "I'd lay it" jokes?  Come on...

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 19, 2010 09:23 AM (9hSKh)

185

I use to work in an ER. Stuff like this is more common than you think.

Girlfriend of mine worked ER and told me the craziest thing they ever pulled out of someone was a Potato Ricer. 

The 70+ year old Doc said, "In all of my years I've never seen someone smart enough to tie a string to 'it', first.".

Posted by: garrett at November 19, 2010 09:24 AM (HA7+Z)

186

If it remains stuck for over 4 hours seek immediate medical help?

And possibly a good clinical psychiatrist

who needs viagra?

Posted by: leperous at November 19, 2010 09:24 AM (Q6qGS)

187 "I'd hit it" or "I'd lay it" jokes?  Come on...

Posted by: Kratos

 

From us? No. From you? Safe bet.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 09:24 AM (R2fpr)

188 "166 This thread is hilarious. I'm dying. Posted by: lauraw" Don't laugh too hard, missy. Did you hear the one about the woman who had a jar of junior baby food stuck up her va-jay-jay? That's a six ounce glass jar!

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 09:24 AM (Ez4Ql)

189 I would imagine that it would be better to try and slightly heat the pipe.  Hopefully it would expand just enough for blood flow to return.

Posted by: Alex at November 19, 2010 01:23 PM (yY28H)

Ok, roasted hot dog.

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:25 AM (mB2ub)

190
speaking of falling down a shaft...

Remember baby Jessica?

She's like, what, 30yo now?

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:25 AM (uFokq)

191 I'll bet it was threaded, - for his pleasure.

Posted by: Fritz at November 19, 2010 01:21 PM

Holy shit. LMPOOAP

Posted by: The Mega Indepedent at November 19, 2010 09:25 AM (y3N4m)

192 I wonder if the company that makes the pipes will have to ad this to their MSDS

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 09:25 AM (wuv1c)

193
I think baby Jessica was from Texas.

She's got to be 25 by now.

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:25 AM (uFokq)

194 33 Hell, I called for my pipe, I called for my bowl, and I called for my fiddlers three, and the next thing you know....

Posted by: Old King Cole at November 19, 2010 12:48 PM (TAiZ/)

So, the moral of the story is never smoke a bowl with a bunch of fiddlers. I always thought Charlie Daniels was a little freaky.

Posted by: Beefy Meatball at November 19, 2010 09:25 AM (LlX9m)

195

Girlfriend of mine worked ER and told me the craziest thing they ever pulled out of someone was a Potato Ricer. 

Neat! She can say she knew one of the members of the A-List back in the day!

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 19, 2010 09:26 AM (pLTLS)

196 OK You asked...

How do you know all this?
I'm overly curious, I read it in an article.

WHY do you know all this?
I saw a news report of women raping men (Ok You have to admit, that would catch your attention) in Africa, at gunpoint. And asked myself well how does that work? We can all agree that's not an ideal situation for getting it up right? (Unless that's your thing and that's OK if it is) Anyway a couple of articles later someone finally explained it medically with the tag, you know that's what cock rings are for right?


Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:26 AM (0q2P7)

197 the TSA saves us again !!!

Posted by: Jeff at November 19, 2010 09:26 AM (A3tpD)

198 Perhaps the Brit was homeless, found the pipe, and was on his way to turn it in for scrap so he could buy a hot meal...........and then realized that a piece of ass like that just doesn't fall into your hands everyday. 

Posted by: Shoppy at November 19, 2010 09:26 AM (u2rWt)

199 I'll bet it was threaded, - for his pleasure.

Posted by: Fritz at November 19, 2010 01:21 PM

Holy shit. LMPOOAP

Posted by: The Mega Indepedent

 

Whose pleasure was the emory cloth for?

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 09:26 AM (R2fpr)

200 Maybe he mistook it for a woman. Have you ever seen English women?

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 09:27 AM (wuv1c)

201 @197 - That's disturbing, but not nearly as bad as I'd feared...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 09:28 AM (8y9MW)

202 I'll bet it was threaded, - for his pleasure.

No because if it was he could of just spun it off.

Just remember righty tighty lefty loosey.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at November 19, 2010 09:28 AM (tf9Ne)

203 183
I would imagine that it would be better to try and slightly heat the pipe.  Hopefully it would expand just enough for blood flow to return.
Posted by: Alex at November 19, 2010 01:23 PM (yY28H)

The thermal expansion would slightly increase the outer diameter of the pipe, as well as decrease the inner diameter of the pipe. No serving on the "Peenie Wescue Squad" for you!

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at November 19, 2010 09:28 AM (HmCnI)

204

er. well , how can anyone compete with a well placed pipe?

pipefittings anonymous?

pipe down! pipe down, yells the man

gah

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2010 09:28 AM (h+qn8)

205 Tammi: Seriously, the fire dept obviously has the equipment that the ER does not. So, instead of buying their own, and having someone qualified to use it 24/7, each time a perv wanders into the ER, it is easier and more economical to call the fire dept.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 09:28 AM (Ez4Ql)

206 Did you hear the one about the woman who had a jar of junior baby food stuck up her va-jay-jay? That's a six ounce glass jar!

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 01:24 PM (Ez4Ql)


That's called a Box Lunch, right?

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 09:28 AM (tJjm/)

207 What a dick head

Posted by: Islamic Rage Boy at November 19, 2010 09:29 AM (tE8FB)

208 And this is exactly why i didn't install my new water heater myself.

Posted by: Ben at November 19, 2010 09:29 AM (wuv1c)

209

I bet that's the end of his pipe dreams.

 

Posted by: lan sing at November 19, 2010 09:29 AM (YHrQZ)

210 For some strange reason I want to see video of the procedure that freed the man's penis.

Mostly to take notes and what not.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at November 19, 2010 09:29 AM (tApQj)

211 I saw a news report of women raping men (Ok You have to admit, that would catch your attention) in Africa, at gunpoint.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 01:26 PM (0q2P7)


That's not really rape-rape.


On the other hand, if it involved a strap-on...

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 09:30 AM (tJjm/)

212 I noticed that the article was nice enough not to name the man.

Can you imagine having to explain that to your friends and family afterwords?
Imagine Christmas Dinner...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 09:30 AM (8y9MW)

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 19, 2010 09:30 AM (pLTLS)

214 ...so - did the 'Pipe Bomb', go off?

Posted by: Gill at November 19, 2010 09:31 AM (HA7+Z)

215 So, the moral of the story is never smoke a bowl with a bunch of fiddlers.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Posted by: Willie at November 19, 2010 09:31 AM (S9xTl)

216 "I misread the directions on the application to join the Pipefitters Union"

Posted by: A considered, but discarded excuse at November 19, 2010 09:31 AM (HmCnI)

217

imagine the phone call from the E.R to the fire dept.

"Capt. we have a man's favorite appendage , o hell, giggle snort,

sigh.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2010 09:32 AM (h+qn8)

218 Too bad he didn't go with a Thanksgiving theme and put it in a turkey. If it got stuck they could have had the nurse stroke the neck for release. And a relaxing cool-off spray..

Posted by: Chicago Jedi at November 19, 2010 09:32 AM (WZFkG)

219 That's not really rape-rape.

It was a three chick team. They just traded off who was holding the gun.
(I mean seriously it begs the question, after number 2 either this guy is superman and shouldn't fear the bullets or something else is going on here)

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:33 AM (0q2P7)

220 I think he was just trying to exercise some modesty before he went through the TSA scanner. Seriously, it's not like it would be used as a weapon on the plane.

Posted by: Pat McGroin at November 19, 2010 09:33 AM (DXa7u)

221

Looking at plumbers crack all day will do that to a guy!

Posted by: Dan Ackroyd at November 19, 2010 09:33 AM (DzMf1)

222 Baby Jessica gets her trust fund next year when she turns 25. It's from all the money sent to her by CNN viewers.  Over a $1M by now.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 19, 2010 09:33 AM (xzZMA)

223 213 OT: The House Ladies of 2010

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 19, 2010 01:30 PM (pLTLS)

Proving once again our side has better looking babes on it.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 19, 2010 09:34 AM (xzZMA)

224 Stuck in wha???  Oh, a metal pipe. 

Posted by: Sherlock Holmes at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (BKOsZ)

225
Is that true?

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (uFokq)

226 First, a monkey with hard-on goes to visit his tiger girlfriend by busting out of his cage.  Then, a dolphin with hard-on tries to seduce a snorkeler.  Now this. 

What is this blog coming to?

Posted by: CUS at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (wOGfT)

227 Bob Dole lives in North Carolina with Liddy. How come Bob Dole wasn't called upon to consult for this case? Bob Dole knows good wood and blue dimes! Sounds like blue dime abuse to Bob Dole!

Posted by: The Real Bob Dole at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (HmCnI)

228
"Thank-you,  firefighters.  Thank-you!"

Posted by: The Pipe at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (TXKVh)

229 Tammi: Seriously, the fire dept obviously has the equipment that the ER does not. So, instead of buying their own, and having someone qualified to use it 24/7, each time a perv wanders into the ER, it is easier and more economical to call the fire dept.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 01:28 PM (Ez4Ql)

Makes sense.

I've worked with a lot of fire fighters.  The hilarity that ensued after they returned to their station house had to have been unbelievable.






Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (VuLos)

230 Joanie- I actually did, but found some Ken clothes work well too.

Posted by: jewells at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (l/N7H)

231 175 I'll bet it was threaded, - for his pleasure.

The pleasure was all mine.

Posted by: The Pipe at November 19, 2010 09:35 AM (YrhnQ)

232 Like none of you guys ever tried to unclog a drain by fucking it.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at November 19, 2010 12:47 PM (tApQj)

LOL

Posted by: dagny at November 19, 2010 09:36 AM (2GOHX)

233
So Ann Marie Beurkle is the official winner?


Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:36 AM (uFokq)

234

If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4)

Seems like there could be a market for objects d'art that could be worn for the TSA scanners and show up well on the X-rays. Sort of 'special presents' to make the TSA agents smile.

Posted by: Pat McGroin at November 19, 2010 09:36 AM (DXa7u)

235

imagine the phone call from the E.R to the fire dept.

"Capt. we have a man's favorite appendage , o hell, giggle snort,

sigh.


Dude 7 firefighters. I mean you need one on the grinder, one on the dick, and 5 more for moral support? This was the peep pipe show.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:36 AM (0q2P7)

236 Maybe this was an industrial version of the Fleshlight he was testing?

Just sayin....

Posted by: Mr Wolf at November 19, 2010 09:37 AM (Nht4m)

237 Doesn't even make sense. If it went in happy, you would think the trauma would cause it to deflate. Unless there is no differential. Should have just iced it.

Posted by: dagny at November 19, 2010 09:37 AM (2GOHX)

238

King of Queens was a pretty stupid show. But remember when whathisface went to a wedding and put a miniature top hat on his tallywhacker and then took a pic of it w/one of the disposable cameras.

They spend the rest of the episode w/the wedding party trying to figure out who did it. That epi was probably the pinnacle of that show.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 19, 2010 09:38 AM (pLTLS)

239 Ya'll are going to hate this, but Ron Paul is kicking it with the American Travelers Dignity Act.  I'm sure ace disagrees.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 19, 2010 09:38 AM (xzZMA)

240

King of Queens was a pretty stupid show. But remember when whathisface went to a wedding and put a miniature top hat on his tallywhacker and then took a pic of it w/one of the disposable cameras.

They spend the rest of the episode w/the wedding party trying to figure out who did it. That epi was probably the pinnacle of that show.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 19, 2010 01:38 PM (pLTLS)

That episode was just on TBS a couple of nights ago.

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 09:38 AM (VuLos)

241 Doesn't even make sense. If it went in happy, you would think the trauma would cause it to deflate. Unless there is no differential. Should have just iced it.

Read the thread. I've already covered the scientific reasons why that doesn't work, and the reasons why I know it doesn't work.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:38 AM (0q2P7)

242 You guys have it all wrong.  It wasn't sexual at all. That pipe was stuck and he just needed a little more leverage. He just chose the wrong tool for the job.

Posted by: kidney at November 19, 2010 09:39 AM (ENRGu)

243
can't wait to see all the ads this thread generates

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:39 AM (uFokq)

244 I think maybe I'll stick a pipe on my junk when I go to the airport in a week just to fuck with TSA. Sir, would you like the x-ray or a pat down? Touch it.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 19, 2010 09:39 AM (TMB3S)

245 At least it had a happy ending.

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:39 AM (mB2ub)

246 213 OT: The House Ladies of 2010

I'd have been in this picture but some asshole had other ideas that day.

Posted by: Congresswoman-Elect Piper Pipe (R-TheEmergencyRoom) at November 19, 2010 09:40 AM (YrhnQ)

247 235
Seems like there could be a market for objects d'art that could be worn for the TSA scanners and show up well on the X-rays. Sort of 'special presents' to make the TSA agents smile.
Posted by: Pat McGroin at November 19, 2010 01:36 PM (DXa7u)

Fashion a tin foil hat for the little guy's head ... there really are harmful rays out there seeking its demise.

Posted by: Martha Stewart, thinking outside the box ... at November 19, 2010 09:40 AM (HmCnI)

248 A little confusion about a pipe organ. Move along.

Posted by: dagny at November 19, 2010 09:40 AM (2GOHX)

249

In related shwantz news...

http://tinyurl.com/2cxykag

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 19, 2010 09:40 AM (pr+up)

250

"Then, a dolphin with hard-on tries to seduce a snorkeler."

There's just no escape is there? There's probably rape-martians in space.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 09:41 AM (HaYO4)

251 @236 - I actually expect that the first truck available with the equipment was one of the long trucks (which is manned by a crew of 6 or more, usually).  So, when the necessary guys went in, the other 3 or 4 decided "Why should we wait out here?"

I'm just surprised there aren't already Flikr photos or a YouTube video...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 09:41 AM (8y9MW)

252 I was filming the British adaptation of American Pipe. What? Oh, shit...

Posted by: A man, believed to be age 40 at November 19, 2010 09:42 AM (FcR7P)

253 .....so they had to call in the fire department. Seven firefighters attended the call.


Wanna bet at least 3 of them were off duty.

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2010 09:42 AM (VuLos)

254
He's just like the little Dutch boy who stuck his peepee in the leaky dyke...

for $50/hr.

Posted by: crouching soothsayer, hidden soothsayer at November 19, 2010 09:42 AM (uFokq)

255 "Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling...."

Posted by: Unfortunate Song Lyrics at November 19, 2010 09:43 AM (YrhnQ)

256 Never put a cheater bar on your crank.

Posted by: Tin Lizzie at November 19, 2010 09:43 AM (GwPRU)

257 Anyway a couple of articles later someone finally explained it medically with the tag, you know that's what cock rings are for right?


Well, now I do. Thanks (shudder).

Posted by: dagny at November 19, 2010 09:43 AM (2GOHX)

258

"Joanie- I actually did, but found some Ken clothes work well too."

Are they for sale? Can you make wigs? Like a Horshack wig?

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 09:44 AM (HaYO4)

259 190 People in the medical and emergency response fields must be extremely jaded. I've got to imagine that when you see shit like this you seriously question how humankind has possibly survived.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at November 19, 2010 01:25 PM (vbh31)

Well, making more humans for replacement isn't really a big trick.  This guy was 40, so he had plenty of time to pass on his defective genes before the consequences of being a dumb ass caught up with him.

This is why we need more dangerous playground equipment at schools - to weed these doofises out sooner, before they can breed.

Posted by: Reactionary at November 19, 2010 09:44 AM (xUM1Q)

260

And I felt bad about snorting through the post. This thread is the uber.

mac :]

Posted by: macbrooks at November 19, 2010 09:44 AM (J+MD4)

261 I really thought it would be Iowahawk who would sum up the "Don't touch my junk" stuff, not Krauthammer. I guess with a name like Krauthammer - you have to go there.

Posted by: Jean at November 19, 2010 09:44 AM (aemFw)

262 252
I'm just surprised there aren't already Flikr photos or a YouTube video...
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 19, 2010 01:41 PM (8y9MW)

Get me the Taiwanese animators, stat!

Posted by: Ron Jeremy at November 19, 2010 09:44 AM (HmCnI)

263 I'm just surprised there aren't already Flikr photos or a YouTube video...

A testament to the amazing restraint of the 7 brave souls who responded to this emergent tragedy.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 19, 2010 09:46 AM (0q2P7)

264

Dude 7 firefighters. I mean you need one on the grinder, one on the dick, and 5 more for moral support? This was the peep pipe show

abso fucking lutely   besides, who'd not want to witness the event. something to giggle about for the next 17 years.   whoa, imagine the possibilty that it was an all volunteer fd.   even funnier

Posted by: pitchforksandpowder at November 19, 2010 09:47 AM (xo1KY)

265

Dude 7 firefighters. I mean you need one on the grinder, one on the dick, and 5 more for moral support? This was the peep pipe show.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose

 

The five were to peel him off the ceiling.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 09:48 AM (R2fpr)

266

Jean, Krauthammer is awesome. I read him all the time. this was actually a surprise for me. his terminology and junk.

i laughed my rear off imagining His face while writing it.

also, i can't believe I joined in this very demeaning thread.

i laughed , i cried. ..

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2010 09:48 AM (h+qn8)

267 If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it. Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4) I buy mine different colored raincoats.

Posted by: FCC Pelosi at November 19, 2010 09:48 AM (tJjm/)

268 I once caught Scotty messing with a portable positron duct. I knew something was wrong, because while I'm no engineer, I know Romulan ale isn't a standard lubricant for warp drives.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at November 19, 2010 09:48 AM (AZGON)

269 Posted by: pitchforksandpowder at November 19, 2010 01:47 PM (xo1KY)

Or a neighbor.

Posted by: wrg at November 19, 2010 09:49 AM (mB2ub)

270 If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it. The fun part is measuring the inseam.

Posted by: George Orwell, Ltd. at November 19, 2010 09:50 AM (AZGON)

271 You realize that shit like this is why we invented the transporter.

Posted by: Chief Engineer and Jeffries-Tube-Fucker Montgomery Scott at November 19, 2010 09:50 AM (YrhnQ)

272 i wonder if hemmoroid cream would have been an option for the little guy.?

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2010 09:52 AM (h+qn8)

273

Did you hear the one about the woman who had a jar of junior baby food stuck up her va-jay-jay?

Sweet Jesus.  Please tell me you're making this up.

WHAT in the HELL.

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 09:52 AM (4u+LN)

274 I don't understand what all the fuss is about.  All he needed to free himself was; a Mento, some Diet Coke, and a threaded cap for the other end of the pipe.

.....and maybe some eye protection. (Z87-rated, preferred)
.

Posted by: gastorgrab at November 19, 2010 09:52 AM (H2LlS)

275

This is a deeply disturbing story.

What self-respecting 40 year old man doesn't own an angle grinder or at least a Dremel tool?

What's this world coming to?

 

Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 19, 2010 09:55 AM (plsiE)

276 Chekhov had this bowl haircut, so you knew he was a pillow biter. That, and because I caught him once outside the food synthesizer, poking all the jelly turnovers into donuts. If you get my drift.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at November 19, 2010 09:56 AM (AZGON)

277
Many years ago, when I worked as a copyeditor on a medical journal, one of the articles I edited described cases of "broken penis". I'll leave the details to your imagination, but I do recall that each case study began with the phrase, "Subject claimed to have been engaged in normal intercourse ...".

Posted by: Brown Line at November 19, 2010 09:57 AM (VrNoa)

278

Sweet Jesus.  Please tell me you're making this up.

WHAT in the HELL.

You've not been watching the same pr0n I have if you're surprised by this.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 19, 2010 09:57 AM (plsiE)

279

Are they for sale? Can you make wigs? Like a Horshack wig?

Hmmm, haven't tried wigs yet...I'll have to work on it.

Posted by: jewells at November 19, 2010 09:58 AM (l/N7H)

280 Chekhov had this bowl haircut, so you knew he was a pillow biter.

OH MYYY.  He and I "shared a console" three feet directly in front of you and that didn't tip you off?!

Posted by: Lt. Sulu at November 19, 2010 09:59 AM (YrhnQ)

281 Hollowpoint - it was in England, they might not be allowed to own tools like that.

Posted by: Jean at November 19, 2010 09:59 AM (wgkZv)

282 I forget where I first heard it, but one of life's hard and fast rules is "Never put your penis into something you're not sure it will come out of."

Posted by: George Orwell, Ltd. at November 19, 2010 09:59 AM (AZGON)

283 The real victim is the consumer. I the guy won't get fired cuz the UAW will protect him, and somebody's Volt is gonna have a wobbly antenna.

Posted by: Beefy Meatball at November 19, 2010 09:59 AM (LlX9m)

284

ok. deranged silliness aside, should we set up a website to help men get out of these difficulties?

as i'm out of work maybe i could make a living for the low cost of 199.99 and save yourself the embarrassment of Ace of Spades commenters, but I'll need all your guyzes imaginations for remedies.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2010 09:59 AM (h+qn8)

285 MDH3: Of course, I'm not making it up. I didn't go in and see it being removed, but I did read the ER chart.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 10:00 AM (Ez4Ql)

286

If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4)


I would love him and squeeze him and call him George.

Posted by: Kristi at November 19, 2010 10:02 AM (ph9vn)

287 What's really sick - I can't keep from thinking how to cut the pipe, so that it splits cleanly - other the scoring it deeply and using the jaws of life. New thread for god sakes.

Posted by: Jean at November 19, 2010 10:04 AM (7Jipo)

288 Chekhov had this bowl haircut, so you knew he was a pillow biter. OH MYYY. He and I "shared a console" three feet directly in front of you and that didn't tip you off?! No kidding. I wanted to drive neutronium needles through my eardrums when they would have their lovers' quarrels. Like, Chekhov used to argue that Russians invented holographic interior design and Sulu just bitched about Tartars stealing Japanese aesthetics. Then they would make up, and at least they did that away from the bridge. But once in a while some poor red shirt got a real surprise when the turbolift opened.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at November 19, 2010 10:04 AM (AZGON)

289 I have one word for you, son: plastic.

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at November 19, 2010 10:05 AM (OXWdU)

290 Here's an Asian man stuck to a park bench he tried to fuck.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 19, 2010 10:06 AM (xzZMA)

291 I forget where I first heard it, but one of life's hard and fast rules is "Never put your penis into something you're not sure it will come out of."

That rules out Christina Hendricks.

Oh who am I kidding, that was already ruled out.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at November 19, 2010 10:06 AM (YrhnQ)

292 @292 Well, it's cheaper than a manga pedo-bot.

Posted by: George Orwell, Ltd. at November 19, 2010 10:08 AM (AZGON)

293 I'm a retired RN.  This is not unusual.  We  had to have a welder come in to remove a object from a man's penis.  Also you would be surprised how many people clean house nude and just happen to fall onto objects like table legs,Tubberware cups, vacuum cleaners, etc.  One man had a dead "critter" in his rectum.   All true plus more. 

Posted by: Jayne on the left coast at November 19, 2010 10:09 AM (aLBhA)

294 Jayne on the left coast Five gets you ten you're within five miles of West Hollywood.

Posted by: George Orwell, Ltd. at November 19, 2010 10:10 AM (AZGON)

295 But once in a while some poor red shirt got a real surprise when the turbolift opened.

Holy Jesus, you're not kidding.  Made me want to gouge out my eyes with one of McCoy's salt shakers.  Thank God our average life span was only twelve minutes anyway.

Posted by: Red Shirt Who Died Violently Three Seconds After Posting This at November 19, 2010 10:10 AM (YrhnQ)

296 46 If I had a penis, I'd make little outfits for it. Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 12:51 PM (HaYO4) And immediately I imagined my John Thomas looking like my dogs do when my wife insists on putting sweaters on them.

Posted by: joncelli© at November 19, 2010 10:12 AM (RD7QR)

297

It is obvious.  He was --- laying some pipe.

 

I am sooo sorry for that...

Posted by: USMC Steve at November 19, 2010 10:13 AM (mqp9H)

298

@286

WTH.  Resorting to grocery molestation, and baby food at that!  I ask you.  People are freaks.

Posted by: MDH3 at November 19, 2010 10:17 AM (4u+LN)

299 Perhaps he knew that he'd be going thru passenger screening at an airport soon? :-) You know, gearing up as it were.

Posted by: davidingeorgia at November 19, 2010 10:17 AM (F4PuW)

300 I'm not checking back through 300 comments to see whether the obvious "cock ring" joke was already made.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at November 19, 2010 10:19 AM (YrhnQ)

301 Oooh, can't believe I forgot to post this.  From Maddox:

Tables won't say "No".

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 19, 2010 10:19 AM (9hSKh)

302 But once in a while some poor red shirt got a real surprise when the turbolift opened.

Holy Jesus, you're not kidding.  Made me want to gouge out my eyes with one of McCoy's salt shakers.  Thank God our average life span was only twelve minutes anyway.

Posted by: Red Shirt Who Died Violently Three Seconds After Posting This

 

So. He boldly went where no man went before?

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 19, 2010 10:22 AM (R2fpr)

303 BTW guys, I'm back on the weird news kick. Please send me tips if you see anything that you think might be funny.


Posted by: lauraw at November 19, 2010 10:23 AM (KrOMg)

304

Posted by: Jayne on the left coast at November 19, 2010 02:09 PM (aLBhA)

 

All Jerry Brown voters, I am sure.

 

 

Posted by: MarkD at November 19, 2010 10:24 AM (0Jy1K)

305 Do you know someone whose penis was damaged in an accident involving industrial pipe?  My uncle's penis was crushed in a PVC tube, so this battle is personal for me.  Call us at 1-800-OOH-OUCH and the Law Firm of Robert L Steinberg will represent you at no cost in legal action against the cruel pipe manufacturers in this country.

Posted by: Robert Steinberg and enormous firm of badass lawyers at November 19, 2010 10:26 AM (piR98)

306 "I would love him and squeeze him and call him George." Posted by: Kristi at November 19, 2010 02:02 PM (ph9vn) Kristi, let's talk! (555) 555-6969

Posted by: Guy with a penis named George at November 19, 2010 10:26 AM (tJjm/)

307

 BTW guys, I'm back on the weird news kick. Please send me tips if you see anything that you think might be funny.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

Posted by: jewells at November 19, 2010 10:27 AM (l/N7H)

308 I've worked in Medical Records at a large hospital the past 20+ years and I have seen many different objects people stick up their butt. One of the funniest, a 70 year old man with a dildo up his butt. He was asked if it hurt, he replied " Not since the batteries ran out" He did require surgical intervention.

Posted by: bowel movement at November 19, 2010 10:30 AM (Mul5k)

309 The words "penis" and "industrial grinder" should never be in the same sentence.

Posted by: cbullitt at November 19, 2010 10:30 AM (M/WbE)

310 My ER was smack dab in the midwest, surrounded by corn and soybean fields. It's nationwide. And I lost count of the number of girls who came in complaining that they lost a tampon up their va-jay-jay. It dead ends, ladies. It can't get lost.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 10:34 AM (Ez4Ql)

311 Well, I guess technically, it could go into your womb, but that would cause cramps equivalent to full labor. You would notice.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 10:36 AM (Ez4Ql)

312

"It dead ends, ladies. It can't get lost. "

What if your cervix has a beak like a squid?

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 10:39 AM (HaYO4)

313 313- Okay, didn't need that image stuck in my head...gonna be hard going down these next few times!

Posted by: g3cko © at November 19, 2010 10:44 AM (By4wu)

314 Think of it as .... calamari!

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 10:46 AM (Ez4Ql)

315 No, I just keep seeing the Kraken in my head...

Posted by: g3cko © at November 19, 2010 10:49 AM (SZy+Y)

316

One man had a dead "critter" in his rectum.   All true plus more. 
~Jayne

So,... it was alive when it crawed in there?

Posted by: Speller at November 19, 2010 10:54 AM (J74Py)

317 Trust me,no nurse on the planet is interested in this preverts junk or any other man parts that arrive in the ER attached to foreign objects.Coax "it" out? A few sharp taps with an unsharpened No 2 pencil and a spritz of PAM® spray would have been enough to disengage the thing.

Posted by: Nurse Ratchet at November 19, 2010 10:56 AM (/V6ZU)

318

Joanie...we've met before, right?

Some night, late, on the ONT, when it's just you & me...let's talk.

Posted by: comatus at November 19, 2010 10:57 AM (hrwMe)

319

Did you hear the one about the woman who had a jar of junior baby food stuck up her va-jay-jay?

So,... she was pregnant and wanted baby to go straight to solid food without breast feeding?

Posted by: Speller at November 19, 2010 10:59 AM (J74Py)

320

"Posted by: comatus at November 19, 2010 02:57 PM (hrwMe)"

Do you have a mustache and a job?

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 11:00 AM (HaYO4)

321 This story is revolting. On a totally unrelated, hypothetical note: a warm ham and cheese sandwich is a remarkable simulacrum of the inside if a human female. And you would want to avoid microwaving that sandwich, because it causes hotspots that could burn something you put in there. Bringing it up to body temperature in an oven is safer.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 19, 2010 11:01 AM (B7dyo)

322

#309, a ROTC buddy's mom was an ER nurse in Jackson, Mississippi. She said the freaks came out after midnight.

One night, a guy comes in with a vibrator lost up his ass. He'd driven all the way from Birmingham, Alabama (238 miles) because he didn't want to run into anyone he knew at a Birmingham ER.

In between laughing, they told him Atlanta was an hour closer and he should have checked a map first.

Posted by: SGT Dan at November 19, 2010 11:03 AM (QUuUE)

323 Which end of the pipe did he use?

Posted by: Ronster at November 19, 2010 11:06 AM (9q4PA)

324 Thank you. Everyone in the coffee shop is staring at me and I STILL can't stop laughing. Assholes. BTW, a pitcher of shaved ice and an 8x10 of Joy Behar helps. Worst case, a shaved Joy Behar.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at November 19, 2010 11:07 AM (uRNmj)

325 Please repost this thread each and every Friday.

Posted by: dogfish at November 19, 2010 11:08 AM (Ncv/n)

326 You kind of get what you pay for with those Chinese fleshlight knock-offs.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at November 19, 2010 11:09 AM (+lsX1)

327 In between laughing, they told him Atlanta was an hour closer and he should have checked a map first.

I did, I mean he did but the map was shaking so much it was kind of hard to read...

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at November 19, 2010 11:13 AM (OXWdU)

328 SGT Dan, do you remember what hospital that was? I used to work at the University Medical Center in Jackson (on the medical research side) but I heard stories from my med student friends.The two most hated rotations were ER and OB-GYN. After getting done with the OB rotation my friend swore he could never eat a tuna fish sandwich again.

Posted by: Angry Beaver at November 19, 2010 11:17 AM (1I8LI)

329 New Home Depot aisle signs on the way: "Plumbing/sexual aids"

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 19, 2010 11:24 AM (z2qzB)

330 I could have gotten it out of there quicker!

Posted by: Loreana Bobbit at November 19, 2010 11:26 AM (Zd2aK)

331 #329, no idea. The last name was Hoskins, this was 1991 or so.

Posted by: SGT Dan at November 19, 2010 11:31 AM (QUuUE)

332 315 Think of it as .... calamari!
Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 02:46 PM (Ez4Ql)

And every month it makes its own marinara sauce!

Posted by: The road less travelled by ... except here at November 19, 2010 11:35 AM (HmCnI)

333 Better that pipe than me!

Posted by: The Chicken at November 19, 2010 11:38 AM (Zd2aK)

334 They should have shoved a pipe up his ass too.
That might have shriveled his junk.

Or, how about icing the pipe? If that doesn't shrivel your junk, nothing will.

Posted by: 1idvet at November 19, 2010 11:55 AM (xUxh3)

335 Clearly listening to too much David Wilcox..... all night long....

Posted by: Canuck RINO at November 19, 2010 11:56 AM (O12tK)

336 They couldn't just show him a pic of Helen Thomas? Nah, that wouldn't work either. I bet the pipe would shrink faster than the guys' junk.

Posted by: Corona at November 19, 2010 12:05 PM (CdbZP)

337

Watch manager Greg Garrett from the Redbridge fire station told the Southampton daily Echo: 'IÂ’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. ItÂ’s not a daily occurrence.'

 

Not nearly as common as choking from bottle brush fellatio or burns suffered from squirting charcoal lighter on a lit fart.

Posted by: Tongueboy at November 19, 2010 12:12 PM (U1Ib2)

338

Forged in the fires of Mt. Doom, one C*ckring to rule them all....

Posted by: Tongueboy at November 19, 2010 12:16 PM (U1Ib2)

339

heh.  Been there, done that.

 

Twice actualy.

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at November 19, 2010 12:34 PM (HqpV0)

340 As some one already noted, these people will drive long distances so they are not seen locally.  The junior baby food gal, drove quite a ways, which again made me wonder, what if the jar had broke - in situ?

The men will always come in to the ER, refuse to say what their problem is, and demand to speak to a male doctor.  I'm not sure why. The male medical staff is more likely to recoil in horror than the female staff. 

Posted by: moi at November 19, 2010 12:40 PM (Ez4Ql)

341 One of my nephews was a nurse in an ER in New Orleans. He told me one night a guy came in with a Nerf football stuck up his butt. They put him in a cubical and whenever any of the male staff walked by they would cry, "Hut hut....hut".

Posted by: easy at November 19, 2010 12:49 PM (+qHxi)

342

#343, I managed to miss the keyboard, but barely.

Posted by: SGT Dan at November 19, 2010 01:01 PM (GgXZc)

343 I got my wanker stuck in the eye of a needle once. Hurt like hell.

Posted by: Ronster at November 19, 2010 01:03 PM (9q4PA)

344

I see this was in the U.K.

How long until we see this happen here in the U.S. under Obamacare?

Posted by: malclave at November 19, 2010 01:05 PM (OCRaO)

345 "What if your cervix has a beak like a squid?" Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 02:39 PM (HaYO4) Sounds like you need to lay off the calamari, Joanie.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 01:14 PM (tJjm/)

346 Thoughts and ruminations on adventurous onanism:

1. NEVER penetrate any object that cannot be dismantled by hand (so to speak) or persuaded to relax. (and doesn't have teeth).

2. NEVER insert any object ANYWHERE that is motile. (especially if it has teeth)

3. Remember; things going IN may or may not COME OUT.

4. Have an emergency tool kit at hand (there's that word again) if you don't pay attention to 1-3.

5. There's only so much that can happen, why find dangerous ways to accomplish it?

Posted by: jakee308 at November 19, 2010 01:25 PM (fhTf7)

347 Note to self pipe dreaming ok pipe fucking not so much. 


Posted by: Sock Puppet 5000 at November 19, 2010 01:26 PM (Iq+s4)

348

What if your cervix has a beak like a squid?        Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 19, 2010 02:39 PM (HaYO4)

After reading that all I have to say is........................Dear God in Heaven, PLEASE give me another stroke to wipe out my short term memory.

Posted by: Old Hippie Vet at November 19, 2010 01:26 PM (OefT/)

349 1. NEVER penetrate any object that cannot be dismantled by hand (so to speak) or persuaded to relax. Well, that pretty much rules out my high school girlfriend.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 19, 2010 01:29 PM (tJjm/)

350

What if your cervix has a beak like a squid? 

Octopussy?

Posted by: 007 at November 19, 2010 01:32 PM (OefT/)

351 I would have told them I was working on a male chastity belt, called the Pussy Stopper. Guaranteed your son wont get laid and he can still pee out it, that's the main selling point.  Just doing my part to curb teenage pregnancy, you don't have to say anything Mr. fire fighter man with the industrial grinder, I know what you're thinking I'm a hero of sorts.

Posted by: Sock Puppet 5000 at November 19, 2010 01:37 PM (Iq+s4)

352 Even a chimp is smarter than this guy he found a frog to do the nasty with and he's stuck in a cage with limited resources.

Posted by: Sock Puppet 5000 at November 19, 2010 01:42 PM (Iq+s4)

353 Am I the only one disturbed by that perv, Flipper? I think if the woman did not have a bathing suit on and the guy to help her, he would have raped her. Has there ever been documented Dolphin/Human sex?

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 01:48 PM (Ez4Ql)

354
But then the most macho men on the planet pile into your hospital room to free your sad little joint with a large industrial grinder.

I dunno. I think the guy with his dick in a joint is now the most macho man on the planet. My crank stood up against an industrial grinder, baby!

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at November 19, 2010 02:03 PM (1hM1d)

355 What self-respecting 40 year old man doesn't own an angle grinder or at least a Dremel tool?

The analytical thinking required to have the grinder on hand first is a large head task and not within the scope of little head grade thinking.  Also having the grinder on hand and being familar with it's operation is a huge incentive to avoid needing to use it. 

Posted by: John Galt at November 19, 2010 03:29 PM (NLWij)

356

I had to cut a cock ring off a guy's junk once when I worked in a hospital. I used a Dremel, it had more control.

I'm pretty sure that it was one of you guys because he was wearing purple parachute pants.

Posted by: Max Entropy at November 19, 2010 03:45 PM (lH6z9)

357 And you raff at us for making sex lobot.  Ha ha on you lound eyes!  We gonna makee billions!

Posted by: The Japanese at November 19, 2010 04:35 PM (/34La)

358 15 Something gets stuck. The person panics and starts pulling and struggling thereby causing swelling. The best solution is to relax, elevate the appendage, and wait for the swelling to go down by gravity. Maybe, squirt a little dish soap in there, too.

Posted by: Moi at November 19, 2010 12:43 PM (Ez4Ql)

Sounds like you've got some *experience* in this area.

Posted by: SFC MAC at November 19, 2010 04:57 PM (ZGdhe)

359 I like my iron pipes like I like my women.

Black and hot.

Posted by: 13times at November 19, 2010 05:07 PM (h6XiD)

360 In college an RN friend of mine told me about a young man from married housing who came in to the ER because he had stuck his member in a vacuum cleaner, not the hose end, but the motor end, with a fan blade that acted like a Cuisinart. It took several hour of surgery to put him back together again.

Posted by: CMU VET at November 19, 2010 06:22 PM (uzv18)

361 "343 One of my nephews was a nurse in an ER in New Orleans. He told me one night a guy came in with a Nerf football stuck up his butt. They put him in a cubical and whenever any of the male staff walked by they would cry, "Hut hut....hut"." To which the only possible reply is, "Go long!"

Posted by: richard mcenroe at November 19, 2010 08:17 PM (Sljvi)

362 <a href="http://www.onlineusb.net">wholesale usb </a>Let us always meet each other with a smile,for the smile is the beginning of love,<a href="http://www.usb-disk.com">wholesale usb flash drives</a>and once we begin to love each other naturally we want to do something.
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Posted by: oem usb at November 20, 2010 01:08 AM (K6svw)

363
I was told this was the quantitative easing thread.

Posted by: B. Bernanke at November 20, 2010 03:41 AM (u+8qs)

364 When you are talking penis...you are talking our language! The posts are hilarious.

Posted by: ford the IINO. Independent in name only at November 20, 2010 03:57 AM (Ki7fm)

365 Roll that beautiful Benny Benassi video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdm3T67IXdA

Posted by: Rich Fader at November 21, 2010 02:54 PM (MWt74)

366 Slot1 flash card R4 ¨¨ una flash card DS porta. porta S1 ha le caratteristiche della scheda flash mainstream: nessuna macchina pennello, built-in funzione di guida, possono portare flash card GBA e la fine del supporto dinamico patch giocando funzione CleanROM ¨¨ facile da usare.
Come un flash card precoce, R4 standard massimo sostegno da 4 GB TF card. Standard non supporta SDHC TF, questo ¨¨ dispiaciuto. Tuttavia, un ampio gruppo di utenti R4, sono le risorse pi¨´ rilevanti. Archivio gioco R4 ¨¨ memorizzato direttamente alla carta di TF, eliminando i passaggi manuali di archivio di backup Arresto. R4 ¨¨ un archivio di. 512k ¨¨ il file Sav.
R4 per homebrew, patch DLDI pu¨° automaticamente giocare, e integrato nel software kernel Moonshell multimediali, al fine di realizzare il film, ascoltare musica e delle funzioni di lettura e-book.
<a href="http://www.scheda-r4.com/">R4i SDHC</a>
<a href="http://www.scheda-r4.com/">ds Nintendo</a>
<a href="http://www.scheda-r4.com/">M3 ds real</a>
<a href="http://www.scheda-r4.com/">micro sd</a>

Posted by: DSTTi at December 23, 2010 05:49 PM (KgoFi)

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