Ace of Spades HQ

December 02, 2010

NASA finds "alien" life made of arsenic...
— CAC

here in California.

As a resident of this nuthouse, I have heard every crack about California possible.

But the first truly alien life form being discovered about 200 miles east of San Fransisco... we need new jokes. So I challenge all of you to wow me.

Posted by: CAC at 09:59 AM | Comments (87)
Post contains 60 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Um...isn't California out of NASA's jurisdiction?

Posted by: AmishDude at December 02, 2010 10:00 AM (BvBKY)

2 I've got nothing.

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:01 AM (iYbLN)

3
NASA got slapped!

Posted by: Soothsayer has a yule log he wants you to see at December 02, 2010 10:01 AM (uFokq)

4 Well, it certainly explains Jerry Brown...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at December 02, 2010 10:01 AM (8y9MW)

5 Well how does an alien live on earth?

Posted by: tarpon at December 02, 2010 10:02 AM (g0QB8)

6 Let's see, it's literally as stupid as dirt, it's made out of poison, will probably be proclaimed an endangered species, and I still like it better than Pelosi.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 02, 2010 10:02 AM (xxgag)

7 Hey NASA!! Where are the jobs??? Star people are real by the way.

Posted by: gringocachingo at December 02, 2010 10:03 AM (z/R+R)

Well how does an alien live on earth?

Mostly disability payments due to arsenic poisoning.

Plus, it's the mother of pre-existing conditions.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at December 02, 2010 10:03 AM (B+qrE)

9 You left out In case you missed it ...

Posted by: toby928™ at December 02, 2010 10:04 AM (S5YRY)

10 Okay, NASA, just because it doesn't have a green card or a Social Security Number, that doesn't make it an "alien." If nothing else, it was probably born here, so shouldn't it just be an "undocumented citizen?"

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at December 02, 2010 10:04 AM (8y9MW)

11 How does and arsenic loving organism kill it's spouse?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 02, 2010 10:04 AM (0GFWk)

NASA finds "alien" life made of arsenic...here in California.

But the first truly alien life form being discovered about 1050 miles east of San Fransisco

Err...wouldn't that put you in Colorado?

Posted by: ed at December 02, 2010 10:04 AM (QLhy5)

13 Lucretia Borgia hardest hit. (In other words, I've got nothin'.)

Posted by: joncelli© at December 02, 2010 10:05 AM (RD7QR)

14 ATA Whooo .... why do we care?

Posted by: Jean at December 02, 2010 10:05 AM (7Jipo)

15 Eeeeeww... what the fuck is a Pelosi???!!!!!

Posted by: Arsenic Life Form at December 02, 2010 10:06 AM (YNQ9v)

16 Shouldn't the greenies ban it now as a hazard? This life is a threat to life!

Posted by: nickless at December 02, 2010 10:06 AM (MMC8r)

17 So un-important that it doesn't even rate a link.

Posted by: Jean at December 02, 2010 10:06 AM (7Jipo)

18 must be All Double Post Thursday...

Posted by: Shoey at December 02, 2010 10:06 AM (ehKDD)

19 We need Kratos and Y-Not to handle the biology humor.

Posted by: joncelli© at December 02, 2010 10:07 AM (RD7QR)

20 Gosh, this is so much more exciting than when they were landing on the moon and stuff, 40+ years ago. Is there any single federal department that does a damned thing worthwhile? I propose freezing salaries at $0 for one year and see what happens.

Posted by: cali grump at December 02, 2010 10:07 AM (hL0k8)

6 Let's see, it's literally as stupid as dirt, it's made out of poison, will probably be proclaimed an endangered species, andI still like it better than Pelosi. it already has a spot at Harvard Law School.

FIFY

Posted by: AmishDude at December 02, 2010 10:08 AM (BvBKY)

"How does and arsenic loving organism kill it's spouse?"

Don't they make miniature 2x4s and pillows?

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at December 02, 2010 10:08 AM (HaYO4)

It has potential (for something)... maybe a walking bioweapon.

Or not.Â¤

Posted by: ¤§EZB§¤ at December 02, 2010 10:08 AM (Ty06w)

24 it already has a spot at Harvard Law School. No, it has to take the LSAT first, right after it invokes the Americans and Arensic-Based Life Forms with Disabilities Act (AABLFDA).

Posted by: joncelli© at December 02, 2010 10:09 AM (RD7QR)

25 I want two tickets to Disneyland.

Posted by: ArsenicBacteria© got slapped at December 02, 2010 10:09 AM (BvBKY)

26 So what is that one eyed thing in your "arse" Nick?...sorry all I could come up with.

Posted by: SJR2 at December 02, 2010 10:10 AM (oCbCP)

27 If arsenic is made of arse, I am on that thing like white on rice.

Posted by: a sullivan at December 02, 2010 10:12 AM (YNQ9v)

28 Has NASA issued any statements regarding life on this blog?

Posted by: dr goldbricker at December 02, 2010 10:14 AM (GkMfH)

You know who we should all truly be thanking for this discovery?

The Muslims.

Posted by: NASA at December 02, 2010 10:14 AM (kZVsz)

30 Oh jeez, another downtrodden minority group to contend with. The muslims are gonna be pissed that thought the were king of the mosque, so to speak.

Are the Arsenics infidels?

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:14 AM (iYbLN)

31 Jimmy Wales says arsenic needs your help.

Posted by: George Orwell at December 02, 2010 10:15 AM (AZGON)

You know who we should all truly be thanking for this discovery?

The Muslims.

Posted by: NASA at December 02, 2010 02:14 PM (kZVsz)

NASA may have a point. I mean, poisonous life forms . . .

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 02, 2010 10:15 AM (xxgag)

33 Arsenic is not halal.

Posted by: CAIR at December 02, 2010 10:15 AM (BvBKY)

What are they going to call it? The Pelosi endorsement? It's pure poison too.

Posted by: Blue Hen at December 02, 2010 10:15 AM (R2fpr)

35 We need an absynthe-based life form.

Posted by: AmishDude at December 02, 2010 10:16 AM (BvBKY)

Why all this scrutiny of these indigenous Californian life-forms? And who are you to call these hard-working organisms "alien?"

Odds are, they've been here a lot longer than the rest of you'se!

WHERE ARE THE REPARTIONS FOR THESE UNDOCUMENTED BEINGS, FORCED TO LIVE IN THE SHADOWS OF THEIR ARSENIC-LADEN HELLHOLES?

Posted by: Al Sharpton (TM) at December 02, 2010 10:16 AM (kZVsz)

37 So. We finally discovered a life form that feels at home in Sacramento?

Posted by: Blue Hen at December 02, 2010 10:17 AM (R2fpr)

38 Why the fuck am I number 33 on the periodic table?

I should be number 1 or at least in the top 10.

I blame Bush.

All the other elements are RACIST!

Posted by: Arsenic at December 02, 2010 10:17 AM (iYbLN)

39 We need an absynthe-based life form.

*raises hand*

Posted by: toby928™ at December 02, 2010 10:18 AM (S5YRY)

40 But the first truly alien life form being discovered about 200 miles east of San Fransisco... Oddly enough, even utterly alien arsenic-friendly bacteria is not as liberal as San Francisco. The Bay Area demands to know where arsenophilic microbes stand on abortion and banning plastic bags.

Posted by: George Orwell at December 02, 2010 10:18 AM (AZGON)

41 Harry Reid just emailed me, wants to know if this alien qualifies for one of his DREAM acts.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Confuse A Cat, Ltd. at December 02, 2010 10:18 AM (eCAn3)

OT: Funniest story ever:

http://tinyurl.com/3785z55

I won't spoil it, but the accompanying photo makes the whole story.

Posted by: AmishDude at December 02, 2010 10:18 AM (BvBKY)

43 Anise oil!

Just how did you mean that, sir?

Posted by: Mrs. Robinson at December 02, 2010 10:19 AM (rZOYC)

44 Will there be an Arsenic Caucus in the House?

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:19 AM (iYbLN)

45 When NASA discovers a microbe based on a metabolism that involves gold, they will denounce it as Zionist.

Posted by: George Orwell at December 02, 2010 10:19 AM (AZGON)

46 Why the fuck am I number 33 on the periodic table?

I should be number 1 or at least in the top 10.

I blame Bush.

All the other elements are RACIST!

Posted by: Arsenic

We're sorry . We should have realized that an arsenic based life form would have far worse periods than #33.

Posted by: Periodic table ranking (by Playtex©) at December 02, 2010 10:20 AM (R2fpr)

47 OT: Funniest story ever: http://tinyurl.com/3785z55 Not funny, man.

Posted by: Rick James at December 02, 2010 10:20 AM (AZGON)

48 We should note the actual science process involved here: they published works predicting this could be possible, then they went out got muddy and found the little bastards, then they played with them in the lab for a while figuring out how they worked -- then and only then did they go big and involve the non-professional media. Notice - no conferences in Cancun, UN panels, or fear mongering movies by out of power politicians.

Posted by: Jean at December 02, 2010 10:22 AM (HKVGZ)

49 Do the Arsenic alien guys get shirts?

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:22 AM (iYbLN)

50 OT: Funniest story ever:

http://tinyurl.com/3785z55

Not funny, man.

Posted by: Rick James

Si.

Posted by: Zombie drug mule (who used brand X baggies) at December 02, 2010 10:22 AM (R2fpr)

51 I was just kidding around about that 7th day thing. I was actually experimenting with some left over test tubes and stuff. Sorry.

Posted by: God at December 02, 2010 10:23 AM (+sBB4)

52 Great, just fucking great. The Arsenics are going to want their own DREAM Act.

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:24 AM (iYbLN)

Look at this cell. Look closely. He's worked hard to put the by-products of his cell-division through public schools, while illegally forging residency papers by mooching off of the SSN of a dead xenon-based organism.

How heartless do you need to be to deny his progeny a better life?

You may call him single-celled. I call him single-empowered!

Please. Let's all support the DREAM Act. If not for me, then for my good friend who....oh...oh no...I think I just accidentally ingested him...seriously, where'd he go...anybody see hi-ACCCK! URGLH! SPLACK! *thud*

54 There are over 12 million aliens all over the country, though there are many in California. How is this news? And if it is of terrestrial origin, how exactly is it 'alien'?

Posted by: Meghan McCain at December 02, 2010 10:24 AM (DTzwU)

55 We should note the actual science process involved here: they published works predicting this could be possible, then they went out got muddy and found the little bastards, then they played with them in the lab for a while figuring out how they worked -- then and only then did they go big and involve the non-professional media. Notice - no conferences in Cancun, UN panels, or fear mongering movies by out of power politicians.

Posted by: Jean

And launching and landing the satellite in California was one Hell of a chipshot.

Posted by: Zombie drug mule (who used brand X baggies) at December 02, 2010 10:24 AM (R2fpr)

56 finally remembered to change my moniker back...

Posted by: catmman at December 02, 2010 10:26 AM (DTzwU)

57 Gosh, this is so much more exciting than when they were landing on the moon and stuff, 40+ years ago. If we ever make it to Mars with NASA, the astronauts won't be allowed to land until an environmental impact study is filed. And when they leave the surface, they will be required to dust off the footprints in order to leave that precious wilderness unspoiled. Of course, the pollution involved with landing a vehicle powered by perhaps hydrazine and nitrogen tetroxide will prevent the whole exercise in the first place. Maybe they can land with pressurized CO2... but that would contribute to Mars's carbon footprint. Hell, NASA should forget the whole thing and just concentrate on making halal Tang.

Posted by: George Orwell at December 02, 2010 10:27 AM (AZGON)

"When NASA discovers a microbe based on a metabolism that involves gold, they will be too late to stop Glenn Beck and his horde of alien minions from conquering THE WORLD!"

Fix't.

Posted by: reason (P) at December 02, 2010 10:28 AM (kZVsz)

59
OT: Funniest story ever:

Funniest line in that story.....

He was also cited for not using a turn signal.

A charge also known as "being an asshole".

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 02, 2010 10:28 AM (DZVrI)

60 I warned them about going into an outhouse. That list was just a joke.

Posted by: ingenus at December 02, 2010 10:29 AM (+sBB4)

61 Hey, what about us silicon based life forms, do we not get any love? Racist Xenophiles.

Posted by: Hortas and Illiterate Real Housewives of Orange County get Slapped at December 02, 2010 10:30 AM (lSuMX)

Posted by: Moe Slezack at December 02, 2010 10:30 AM (xxgag)

If we ever make it to Mars with NASA, the astronauts won't be allowed to land until an environmental impact study is filed. And when they leave the surface, they will be required to dust off the footprints in order to leave that precious wilderness unspoiled.

And let's not forget about my ROYALTIES!

Posted by: that lady who thinks she owns the sun, with a newly-printed deed for Mars, at December 02, 2010 10:31 AM (kZVsz)

64 NASA has no idea what trouble they are getting into.

Posted by: The Andromeda Strain at December 02, 2010 10:31 AM (AZGON)

65 Sacred Honor compels me to affirm that I banged that arsenic bitch like a string of fire crackers.

Posted by: Will Folks at December 02, 2010 10:32 AM (xxgag)

66 Notice - no conferences in Cancun, UN panels, or fear mongering movies by out of power politicians. This will be corrected in future projects.

Posted by: NASA bureaucracy at December 02, 2010 10:33 AM (AZGON)

67 Posted by: Harry Reid, (C) 1902 at December 02, 2010 02:24 PM (kZVsz)

Chewin' that Chinese drywall again, sport?

Posted by: Oriental Trading, Ink at December 02, 2010 10:33 AM (rZOYC)

68 xxgag was funny

Posted by: ingenus at December 02, 2010 10:33 AM (+sBB4)

69 If they wanted to find alien life forms they could have just looked in the back of Ace's refrigerator.

Posted by: George Orwell at December 02, 2010 10:34 AM (AZGON)

70 @67: *stares blankly for a few seconds* ....why?

Posted by: Harry Reid, making a rough Tommy Boy reference, at December 02, 2010 10:34 AM (kZVsz)

71 The well is filled with arsenic

Posted by: 12thers at December 02, 2010 10:35 AM (+sBB4)

72 Hey, what about us silicon based life forms, do we not get any love? Racist Xenophiles.

Posted by: Hortas and Illiterate Real Housewives of Orange County get Slapped

Pound sand. Oh wait.. That's what you do on date night, isn't it?

Posted by: Blue Hen at December 02, 2010 10:36 AM (R2fpr)

If they wanted to find alien life forms they could have just looked at Meg Whitman's house!!!!111!!111!!1?!1

Posted by: Gloria Allred at December 02, 2010 10:37 AM (kZVsz)

74 (1) Space aliens in California? Well, that explains our Senate delegation. And our voters.

(2) Aliens in California? Like that's something new. Are they getting matricula consular cards? Drivers licenses? Food stamps and free medical?

(3) Still not as bizarre as the cast of Jersey Shore from the other coast.

Posted by: Keith Arnold at December 02, 2010 10:39 AM (Jdtsu)

75 Joy Behar will side with the Arsenic aliens.

Wait till the get a load of her vajayjay.

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:45 AM (iYbLN)

76 Posted by: Harry Reid, making a rough Tommy Boy reference, at December 02, 2010 02:34 PM (kZVsz)

He-a-a--y, we worka hard make dry-wall, no H1-B visa, and you maka fun our dry-wall.

Posted by: Jeffafa Dun-ham at December 02, 2010 10:48 AM (rZOYC)

77 First they came for the Arsenic.....

Posted by: mpfs, Go forth and conquer Sarah at December 02, 2010 10:50 AM (iYbLN)

Theres an old joke in Upper California:

What's the difference between Yogurt and Los Angeles?

Yougurt has an active culture.

Posted by: Gromulin at December 02, 2010 10:57 AM (7FA9S)

79 Your hospitality and kindness will not go unpaid, MoonCat.

Posted by: Kowalski at December 02, 2010 10:57 AM (kZVsz)

80 New alien life form comes to San Francisco to find gay counterpart.

Posted by: TimothyJ at December 02, 2010 11:19 AM (G5+tV)

81 They are born arsenic and they die arsenic. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of arsenic?

Posted by: comatus at December 02, 2010 11:34 AM (hrwMe)

82
The lifeform is attempting to take advantage of in-state tuition rates...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at December 02, 2010 12:15 PM (1hM1d)

83 Was this ,um, lifeform found in a discarded pair of underpants, by chance?

Posted by: Citizen of the camp, down by the American River at December 02, 2010 01:17 PM (Zi+FQ)

84 The aliens just emailed to say how they found fucked-up weird-ass alien forms in California...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at December 02, 2010 01:30 PM (+3fAP)

You know who this helps?

Mitt Romney.

Posted by: Chris Matthews' Leg at December 03, 2010 09:43 PM (tBrQI)

FauxNews Today: NASA discovers yet another arsenic-based alien life form in California. Pelosi accuses bacterium of identity theft. Bacterium demands Congressional inquiry into Pelosi's citizenship; claims that Pelosi is real alien life form, while bacterium is true native of California. Seeks to become minority speaker in Pelosi's place. House Dems divided on issue...

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