Ace of Spades HQ

November 11, 2010

Obama Voter of the Day
— Ace

He was arrested for burglarizing a home, during which arrest he attacked officers and attempted to bite them. He was eventually subdued with Tasers and batons.

Then it got weird.

. It was in the hospital emergency room where a Â“physician noticed a mouse [cord] hanging from male subjects rectum. X-rays shown part of the [computer] mouse was lodged in the male subjects rectum.Â”

It's one thing to stick a mouse up your butt when you want to spend a pleasant evening at home drinking Schlitz and watching Degrassi Junior High. That I understand.

But it's another thing to stick a mouse up your butt when you're going out burgling.

Sure, I get how nice it is to have the comfort of a peripheral lodged inside you. But, like, time, place, and manner, dude.

You laugh but you've never had a
trackball on your prostate.

Thanks to Dr. Spank, via DPUD.

Posted by: Ace at 10:26 AM | Comments (212)
Post contains 159 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Mouse in your butt, I'm pretty sure that's how you beat the Lich King on 25 man heroic in WoW.

Posted by: lorien1973 at November 11, 2010 10:28 AM (IhQuA)

2 1?

Posted by: Ed Anger at November 11, 2010 10:28 AM (7+pP9)

3 Him and the WV-knife troll would make a perfect couple.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 11, 2010 10:28 AM (9hSKh)

4 I usually put a mouse up my rear when I go grocery shopping... but I'm sure that would make you think I'm an Obama voter...

Sheesh

Posted by: Mjim at November 11, 2010 10:28 AM (mMdWG)

5 It's one thing to stick a mouse up your butt when you want to spend a pleasant evening at home drinking Schlitz and watching Degrassi Junior High. That I understand. Yeah, that's one of life's simple pleasures, like mayonnaise and fire hoses.

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 10:29 AM (RD7QR)

6 Dude, the other end of the cord is the one you plug in!

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 10:30 AM (BP6Z1)

7 No, see, you got it wrong. He's just training his body to be able to hide a sword like they had to in Highlander...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at November 11, 2010 10:30 AM (8y9MW)

8 Gerbil, not mouse, you idiot!

Posted by: Richard Gere at November 11, 2010 10:30 AM (MMC8r)

9 I usually stick the mouse up a cat's butt when I'm bored. But that's just me.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:30 AM (UOM48)

10 You're doing it wrong.

Posted by: Richard Gere at November 11, 2010 10:30 AM (OBDWE)

11 So this qualifies him to serve in the Obama administration: Secretary of the Interior or Technology Czar?

Posted by: cali grump at November 11, 2010 10:30 AM (hL0k8)

12 I think he meant to put a gerbil in there, not a mouse.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 10:31 AM (FHlAi)

13 Oops, too slow.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 10:31 AM (FHlAi)

14 Mouse up the butt? Never heard of it.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at November 11, 2010 10:31 AM (mMdWG)

15 "It's one thing to stick a mouse up your butt when you want to spend a pleasant evening at home drinking Schlitz and watching Degrassi Junior High. That I understand."

I think that's the first time in human history that exact combination of words has been used in the English language.

Posted by: Boxy Brown at November 11, 2010 10:31 AM (Y4Fu0)

16 *shakes head*, I have failed teaching this one.

Posted by: Richard Gere at November 11, 2010 10:31 AM (9hSKh)

17 We have got to fix this guy up with Meggie Mac.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:32 AM (UOM48)

18 This reminds me of the time I had sex with a parakeet instead of a young british woman.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 11, 2010 10:32 AM (HaYO4)

19 My mind went immediately to Gere, but I was too tasteful late on the draw.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at November 11, 2010 10:32 AM (xqhoO)

20 You mean he couldn't fit a keyboard up his rear end?

Posted by: Thomas at November 11, 2010 10:32 AM (3bPhx)

Gerbil, not mouse, you idiot!

Moving to the lightning round, Mjim for the win.

Posted by: Mr. Dave at November 11, 2010 10:32 AM (OBDWE)

22 The mouse that i'm using for this post is up my butt.

Ya, I have excellent control of my sphincter.

Posted by: Mjim at November 11, 2010 10:33 AM (mMdWG)

23 It was in the hospital emergency room where a Â“physician noticed a mouse [cord] hanging from male subjects rectum. X-rays shown part of the [computer] mouse was lodged in the male subjects rectum.Â”

We have an answer to that age-old question of "what what, in the butt?"

Was this guy listening to Samwell before he tried to rob this house?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 11, 2010 10:33 AM (9hSKh)

Sounds like a regular day at MSNBC.

Posted by: maddows middle finger at November 11, 2010 10:34 AM (pr+up)

25 He's working his way up to a joystick.

Posted by: nickless at November 11, 2010 10:34 AM (MMC8r)

26 This is why I could never, ever, ever work in the medical field, especially in the ER.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:35 AM (UOM48)

27 Piker.

Posted by: Will Folks at November 11, 2010 10:35 AM (Y81Xa)

28 Speaking of idiots, Meghan Mccain just gave Romney her endorsement while speaking to Meghan Kelly. All Romney supporters, you now agree with Meghan McCain! I am sure that will help in the primary!

Posted by: Dan at November 11, 2010 10:35 AM (1jzSs)

29 But just think of the exercise he gets from first-person shooters.

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 10:36 AM (RD7QR)

30 I bet an Apple mouse would be easier to use up the butt, with one button and all.
But I started on a PC, so going to an Apple mouse would be weird. Like going from Manual to Automatic. Something would be missing.

Posted by: Mjim at November 11, 2010 10:36 AM (mMdWG)

Gerbil, not mouse, you idiot! Moving to the lightning round, Mjim for the win.

Opps, it wasn't you. Mistaken hash identity.

Posted by: Mr. Dave at November 11, 2010 10:36 AM (OBDWE)

32 Never saw him before.

Posted by: Logitech at November 11, 2010 10:36 AM (MMC8r)

33 Put a com-puter mouse in yo' butt!

Posted by: Eddie Murphy at November 11, 2010 10:36 AM (BP6Z1)

34 When this story first came out they said gerbil.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at November 11, 2010 10:36 AM (9cflz)

I demand more shuttlecock accidents. Don't people play naked badminton anymore?

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 11, 2010 10:37 AM (HaYO4)

36 We have a new entry for Rectal Foreign Bodies.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 11, 2010 10:37 AM (9hSKh)

37 He make me ashamed to be a South Carolinian

Posted by: Will Folks at November 11, 2010 10:37 AM (V4Pya)

38 It's the double-click that's the killer.

Posted by: nickless at November 11, 2010 10:37 AM (MMC8r)

39 Any comment from Jerry Penacoli?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 11, 2010 10:38 AM (9Cooa)

40 When Wii becomes WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 11, 2010 10:38 AM (9Cooa)

41 It's the double-click that's the killer.

Na, all you need to do is clench, then cough. Works like a charm.

Posted by: Mjim at November 11, 2010 10:38 AM (mMdWG)

42 Can "Obama Voter of the Day" become a regular posting? Pretty please?

Posted by: not the droid you seek at November 11, 2010 10:39 AM (h35AH)

43 are we sure it was his mouse? Maybe he breaks into homes and stuffs their computer mice up his butt.

Posted by: cameo at November 11, 2010 10:39 AM (FJiM0)

44 We are just trying to keep that kind of thing off of Airplanes.

Posted by: TSA Groper at November 11, 2010 10:40 AM (V4Pya)

45 Does anyone else have a hell of a time becoming accustomed to a new mouse?

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at November 11, 2010 10:40 AM (9cflz)

46 Finally: a face to put with the screen-name "Palin Steele" Cordially...

Posted by: Rick at November 11, 2010 10:40 AM (pT/Ao)

47 Andrew Sullivan, "I'd double click that!"

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at November 11, 2010 10:40 AM (r1h5M)

48 Abort, Retry or Stick It?

Posted by: Zimriel at November 11, 2010 10:40 AM (qV7eO)

49 Well, there's why raykon hasn't been posting.

Posted by: nickless at November 11, 2010 10:40 AM (MMC8r)

50 I was wondering what happened to Donkey Show Hottay.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at November 11, 2010 10:41 AM (9cflz)

51 What's worse is I bet its from the local library.

Posted by: nickless at November 11, 2010 10:41 AM (MMC8r)

52 I go for the video game console. The Wii is, mwauh, magnifique. Sony, not so much. It's the thumb toggle problem.

Posted by: rdbrewer at November 11, 2010 10:41 AM (RefJt)

53 The use of batons in addition to the Tasers was a nice touch. I should have been a cop.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:41 AM (UOM48)

54 For some reason, I am reminded of this never-broadcast for obvious reasons Family Guy manatee gag. (Super NSFW)

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 11, 2010 10:41 AM (PLvLS)

55 Talk about Plug n' Play.

Posted by: nickless at November 11, 2010 10:42 AM (MMC8r)

"Does anyone else have a hell of a time becoming accustomed to a new mouse?"

Try sitting on a pillow and take deep breaths.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 11, 2010 10:43 AM (HaYO4)

57 The mouse that i'm using for this post is up my butt.

I won't be impressed until you get the keyboard up there.

are we sure it was his mouse? Maybe he breaks into homes and stuffs their computer mice up his butt.

I thought that was toothbrushes?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 11, 2010 10:43 AM (Vz9lf)

58 abnormal pysche books are full of wierd examples of pshycosexual nutjobs coming in their pants when they enter a premises through a window to commit a burglary --this is just kraft ebbing 2.0--sneaking around a strange premises looking for the underwear drawer with a mouse up your ass--steve jobs what have you wrought--another killer app--or is this just the dark side of darpa

Posted by: HULUGU at November 11, 2010 10:43 AM (RwB2r)

59 you know what's sad? he doesn't even seem to be ashamed.......

Posted by: phoenixgirl at November 11, 2010 10:44 AM (eOXTH)

60 A mouse up the butt is a good motivation to hurry the fuck up while your robbin'

Just sayin'

Posted by: Mjim at November 11, 2010 10:44 AM (mMdWG)

Coffee partier, obviously.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at November 11, 2010 10:44 AM (r1h5M)

62 Obviously a Mac user. Sit and click.

Posted by: Pecos Bill at November 11, 2010 10:44 AM (j84s0)

63 I won't be impressed until you get the keyboard up there.

Who do you think I am? Goatse?

Posted by: Mjim at November 11, 2010 10:45 AM (mMdWG)

64 That's nothing. I have a teleprompter up my ass. Never leave home without it.

Posted by: Obama at November 11, 2010 10:45 AM (JkhtW)

65 I'll be impressed when he gets an I-Pad in there. Actually, I'll be disgusted, yet mildly amused.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:46 AM (UOM48)

66 I go for the video game console.

Does anyone else look at the PS3 Move and see a Hitatchi Magic Wand?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 11, 2010 10:46 AM (Vz9lf)

67 Lemmiwinks the gerbil would have no problem navigating that ass.

Posted by: Swamp_Yankee at November 11, 2010 10:47 AM (3DIBw)

68 Tomorrow can be that Gurnee, IL woman that attacked the police with her strap-on after dining-and-dashing Joe's Crab Shack.

Posted by: CUS at November 11, 2010 10:47 AM (wOGfT)

69 Obama + Alvin Greene voter. And speaking of South Carolina, where's Vic?

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:47 AM (UOM48)

70 So maybe he does tumbling in order to scroll?

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 10:47 AM (RD7QR)

71 We need a grade of stupid beyond weapons grade.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at November 11, 2010 10:47 AM (0q2P7)

72 But it's another thing to stick a mouse up your butt when you're going out burgling.

Or else, police brutality.

Posted by: maverick muse at November 11, 2010 10:48 AM (H+LJc)

73 #68 Thread winner.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:48 AM (UOM48)

74 58 For some reason, I am reminded of this never-broadcast for obvious reasons Family Guy manatee gag. (Super NSFW)

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 11, 2010 02:41 PM (PLvLS)

Is that supposed to be funny? If that went to air it would have been nothing but beeps.

Posted by: buzzion at November 11, 2010 10:48 AM (oVQFe)

It was a one-in-a million shot dock!

Posted by: dananjcon at November 11, 2010 10:48 AM (pr+up)

76 Now THAT's a SCSI cable!

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 10:48 AM (FHlAi)

77 77 #68 Thread winner.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 02:48 PM (UOM4

--Agreed.

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 10:48 AM (BP6Z1)

One of those cheap ass N. Korean made products. They're real pieces of shit.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at November 11, 2010 10:49 AM (r1h5M)

Obama Voter of the Day?

You know who that benefits. . .

Posted by: Hugh Hewitt at November 11, 2010 10:49 AM (zF6Iw)

He's a burglar...

and a buggerer.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 10:50 AM (gN9aN)

81 Oh, and bless his heart.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:50 AM (UOM48)

82 Butt Burglar.

Posted by: Beavis at November 11, 2010 10:51 AM (9cflz)

Does anyone else look at the PS3 Move and see a Hitatchi Magic Wand?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 11, 2010 02:46 PM (Vz9lf)

SHhhhhhh!! Are you trying to put me outta work??

Posted by: maddows middle finger at November 11, 2010 10:52 AM (pr+up)

84 Dammit. It's the mouse I was looking for...

Posted by: Noah Smith (the perp) at November 11, 2010 10:52 AM (FcR7P)

85 From the link, police suspect he was under the influence of mushrooms. And he was naked.

Sigh.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:53 AM (UOM48)

86 Lemmiwinks was trying to escape!

Posted by: Jeff at November 11, 2010 10:53 AM (IRzx9)

87 They should replace the writing staff of Saturday Night Live with Morons. I'd watch every week!

Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at November 11, 2010 10:53 AM (fjoLg)

88 89 From the link, police suspect he was under the influence of mushrooms. And he was naked.

Behold the new face of the anti-drug movement!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 11, 2010 10:53 AM (9hSKh)

89 86 Butt Burglar.

Posted by: Beavis at November 11, 2010 02:51 PM (9cflz)

Huh huh, bonesmuggler.

Posted by: Butt-Head at November 11, 2010 10:54 AM (BP6Z1)

90 Hands-free computing!

Posted by: t-bird at November 11, 2010 10:54 AM (FcR7P)

A mouse? Pfft. I pulled that stunt with an iPad.

Posted by: Cicero at November 11, 2010 10:54 AM (QKKT0)

92 doc.....you're not gonna believe this.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at November 11, 2010 10:55 AM (eOXTH)

93 Excitable Andi is....intrigued.

Posted by: Jane D'oh, I may look harmless, but I raised a Marine at November 11, 2010 10:55 AM (UOM48)

94 Thank God he didn't use wireless or they would have never found it and he would have died of toxic shock syndrome.

Plus this stuff always escalates. Next they will find a guy with a keyboard up there.

Also why is it always men who show up with things up there ass?

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 10:56 AM (Q1lie)

95 Damn it Noah --it was my turn!

Posted by: Liberal Loon at November 11, 2010 10:56 AM (BP6Z1)

96 Don't double-click.

Posted by: Bruce The Robert at November 11, 2010 10:56 AM (uClAA)

Is that supposed to be funny? If that went to air it would have been nothing but beeps.

Posted by: buzzion at November 11, 2010 02:48 PM (oVQFe)

To me, the funny part is when the sheep is corrected on the usage of the word, "shorn."

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 11, 2010 10:57 AM (PLvLS)

"From the link, police suspect he was under the influence of mushrooms..."

He must've eaten an entire bag & chased it with a PCP milkshake.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 11, 2010 10:57 AM (HaYO4)

99 So if he was naked how is it that they didn't notice the cord until later?

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 10:58 AM (RD7QR)

100 It was a new foreign made computer and the instructions lost something in translation, shit happens.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at November 11, 2010 10:58 AM (Y81Xa)

101 joncelli lol

Posted by: phoenixgirl at November 11, 2010 10:58 AM (eOXTH)

102 you think he would put a pf chang "your table"s ready" buzzer up there for some extra kick instead of dead plastic

Posted by: HULUGU at November 11, 2010 10:59 AM (MwsSz)

103

I'm guessing the busted vein in his left eyeball is the least of his problems.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 11, 2010 11:00 AM (pLTLS)

104 I would think his mug shot would have looked more like this guy.

Posted by: DPR VIII at November 11, 2010 11:00 AM (4XUD3)

105 I heard the doctor looked in the mouse's ass and found Barney Frank.

Posted by: Jeff at November 11, 2010 11:00 AM (IRzx9)

106 Also a mouse isn't very useful. If he had used a Wii remote he could have bowled or played WoW while burgling.

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 11:01 AM (Q1lie)

107 Amateur. I can fit a keyboard.

Posted by: Ch'Rles J'Nzen, level 64 Troll Rogue at November 11, 2010 11:02 AM (GBXon)

108 uh....mom.....could you pick me up at the police station?

Posted by: guy with electronic fetish at November 11, 2010 11:02 AM (eOXTH)

109

I slipped and fell,

Million to one shot, doc. Million to one

Posted by: Frank Costanza at November 11, 2010 11:03 AM (2cfUo)

110 I mean, seriously, they didn't frisk him? They need to get some TSA guys, they would have noticed immediately.

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 11:03 AM (RD7QR)

111 Cordless FTW!

Posted by: Holdfast at November 11, 2010 11:04 AM (Gzb30)

112 sure son....uh do you know where the mouse is?

Posted by: mom of the guy with electronic fetish at November 11, 2010 11:04 AM (eOXTH)

113 Watch this, I'm paying you a visit My colon, is packed and ready for ya I'm a chubby pasty guy PLUGGED UP WITH A MOUSE It's tight, I should have used some KY So tight, and maybe skipped that Whopper There has got to be a way TO SQUEEZE IN THAT MAC MOUSE (Apologies to the 'Heads)

Posted by: Zimriel at November 11, 2010 11:04 AM (tkNji)

114 Too slow on the draw - #37 beat me to it. But here's a clip.

Posted by: RightWingProf at November 11, 2010 11:04 AM (UOcNk)

115 His cellmate Bubba is gonna just LOVE this guy!

Posted by: ChiTown-Jerry at November 11, 2010 11:04 AM (f9c2L)

116

Hey, I hope they probed further after they pulled the mouse out - there were probably 10,000 votes for Patty Murray up there!! The kind the Dems are always "finding" in somebody's "trunk".

BTW, does anyone know of a single instance where the (R) was behind on election night, and then slowly caught up and won as all votes were counted, or re-counted? Me neither.

Posted by: sherlock at November 11, 2010 11:05 AM (81ia8)

117
Butt Czar.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at November 11, 2010 11:07 AM (QMtmy)

118

It's true. Every time a society or culture treats the anus as a plaything instead of the end of the shit pipe, they are about to be destroyed.

oh, btw...

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Posted by: the slide of civilization at November 11, 2010 11:07 AM (gN9aN)

119 At least it wasn't a cellphone that he called up every 30 seconds. That would be decadent.

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 11:10 AM (RD7QR)

120 Poor dude just lost the bet

Posted by: AlexD at November 11, 2010 11:11 AM (b7RBx)

121 Was his name Monty?

Posted by: wrg at November 11, 2010 11:12 AM (mB2ub)

122

brings new meaning to the phrase "more nervous than a gerbil in a pet store window in san fransico"

Posted by: leperous at November 11, 2010 11:12 AM (Q6qGS)

123 22 You mean he couldn't fit a keyboard up his rear end?

Posted by: Thomas at November 11, 2010 02:32 PM (3bPhx)

He'll be able to when he gets out of prison.

Posted by: todler at November 11, 2010 11:14 AM (fPOY0)

124 Let me be clear. I did not want to be all up in that guy.

Posted by: The Mouse at November 11, 2010 11:14 AM (FpJgM)

125 Depending on whether or not they know anything about him, the sales staff at Radio Shack either love him or hate him.

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 11:14 AM (RD7QR)

126 Was his sphincter USB or PS2?

Posted by: Cicero at November 11, 2010 11:14 AM (QKKT0)

127 What about the keyboard?

Posted by: CanaDave at November 11, 2010 11:14 AM (XXRI4)

128 How embarrassing! Hasn't he ever heard of wireless?

Posted by: Jim R. at November 11, 2010 11:15 AM (d562l)

129 i haven't seen much of noah lately....how's he doing? last time i saw him he seemed to have a bee up his butt.....

Posted by: neighbor of the mom of the guy with electronic fetish at November 11, 2010 11:16 AM (eOXTH)

130

"At least it wasn't a cellphone that he called up every 30 seconds..."

If I did that and somebody answered I'd freak out. But not before I asked them if they were talkin' shit. They'd have to be, right? Talkin' shit.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at November 11, 2010 11:16 AM (HaYO4)

131 BTW, does anyone know of a single instance where the (R) was behind on election night, and then slowly caught up and won as all votes were counted, or re-counted? Me neither. Posted by: sherlock at November 11, 2010 03:05 PM Sherlock, I thought for years that would be a suitable topic for an academic statistical survey. We are well aware that the Evil Party's "luck" in these situations is statistically improbable. I conclude that it indeed is improbable, and that the left holding sway in the academy, there is no interest in proving that case. Cordially...

Posted by: Rick at November 11, 2010 11:16 AM (pT/Ao)

132 103 So if he was naked how is it that they didn't notice the cord until later? Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 02:58 PM (RD7QR) If I had just beat a pasty naked junkie after a good ol' fashioned tasering and wrestling him to the ground, looking at is or is not hanging out of his is something I'd certainly leave to someone else.

Posted by: MMW at November 11, 2010 11:17 AM (4BTKQ)

133 Hey, you try figuring those Chinglish instruction manuals.

Posted by: Confused Guy With A Mouse Up His Ass at November 11, 2010 11:19 AM (QKKT0)

134 Was he looking for a driver?

Posted by: Fritz at November 11, 2010 11:19 AM (GwPRU)

135 THIS......is why the have to put that stupid warning at the start of all Jackass movies.

Posted by: Sponge at November 11, 2010 11:19 AM (UK9cE)

136 How do we know that it wasn't some Geek Squad home install gone awry?

Posted by: CDR M at November 11, 2010 03:15 PM (5I8G0)

If it was Geek Squad, there's nothing awry about it.

Posted by: Tami at November 11, 2010 11:19 AM (VuLos)

137

I'm glad they caught him, because I was going up there next!

Posted by: The M & M Pretzel at November 11, 2010 11:20 AM (1Rgee)

138 Well, at least he should be able to adjust to prison life.

Posted by: SteveN at November 11, 2010 11:20 AM (7EV/g)

139 I'm thinking nobody argues with this guy over who controls the TV remote after he's had it once.

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 11:20 AM (Q1lie)

140 <blockquote><P>59 Talk about Plug n' Play.

Posted by: nickless at November 11, 2010 02:42 PM (MMC8r)</P></blockquote>

The comments section of the linked article is similarly rewarding.

Posted by: mephistefales at November 11, 2010 11:21 AM (OSQ9Y)

141 If you like your mouse, you can keep your mouse.

Posted by: B. Hussein Obama at November 11, 2010 11:21 AM (QKKT0)

142 It's not really the mouse he has to worry about in prison. It's the joystick.

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 11:21 AM (Q1lie)

143 code fail

Posted by: mephistefales at November 11, 2010 11:21 AM (OSQ9Y)

144 Now we know why Nintendo added a rumble feature to their controllers.

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 11:23 AM (Q1lie)

145 Actually the perp was a MAC guy and I told him to get off my jock or else. Well you know the rest of the story.

Posted by: PC guy at November 11, 2010 11:25 AM (OnKgx)

146 BTW, does anyone know of a single instance where the (R) was behind on election night, and then slowly caught up and won as all votes were counted, or re-counted? Me neither.

Posted by: sherlock at November 11, 2010 03:05 PM

Hasn't been decided yet, but NY-25 went from being D to R led after election night, and with the absentee ballots being counted that lean heavily R, it looks like an R win.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Meteors, Bacon Raconteur at November 11, 2010 11:29 AM (eCAn3)

147

Why is a dildo called a dildo?

Anyone know the entemology of dildo?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 11:29 AM (gN9aN)

148 103 So if he was naked how is it that they didn't notice the cord until later?
Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 02:58 PM (RD7QR)

If I had just beat a pasty naked junkie after a good ol' fashioned tasering and wrestling him to the ground...

The cops probably didn't notice the dangling cord until they finally found the broomstick handle for the next step in the interrogation.

Posted by: CUS at November 11, 2010 11:30 AM (wOGfT)

149

What does entemology mean? Did I just make up a word? I think I mean etymology.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 11:30 AM (gN9aN)

150

Anyone know the entemology of dildo?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 03:29 PM (gN9aN)

--I doubt it is a member of Lepidoptera.

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 11:31 AM (BP6Z1)

151 I haven't read every comment, so I apologize in advance if some other moron beat me to this ... in one of Howard Stern's books he relates how a friend of his - a Doctor - told him about all the stuff he found "up men's backsides."

The best was a couple who came in one night. It seems one of them had done a headstand against the wall, and the other had poured sakrete into his 'backside.' The idea was to make a custom fitted dildo, but they didn't realize the colon is not actually cylindrical. The sakrete hardened and was causing severe discomfort, so the hospital had to give him muscle relaxants and eventually managed to remove it.

As they examined the mold, one doctor noticed three ping pong balls imbedded in the sakrete. The explanation offered was, "Oh yeah, I forgot about those."

He forgot. About three ping pong balls up his butt.

Want to bet who he voted for in 2008?

Posted by: Josef K. at November 11, 2010 11:31 AM (7+pP9)

152

157

Why is a dildo called a dildo?

Anyone know the entemology of dildo?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 03:29 PM (gN9aN)

Nope, just that its the name of a town in Newfoundland.

Posted by: buzzion at November 11, 2010 11:32 AM (oVQFe)

153

Why is a dildo called a dildo?

Anyone know the entemology of dildo?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 03:29 PM (gN9aN)

Long ago there was a village mute with a big dick named Dildo. He was very popular because he couldn't brag about his exploits and get the local women in trouble. So Dildo came to mean a big dick that can't talk.

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 11:32 AM (Q1lie)

154 Looks like Biggums gave his eyeball a nice hemmorage trying to shit out that mouse.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 11, 2010 11:34 AM (Wluvb)

155

Gk -pteron

like the word helicopter is helico + pter, spiral (helix) + one with wings

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 11:34 AM (gN9aN)

156 I want to know the story behind Dildo, Newfoundland.

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 11:35 AM (BP6Z1)

157

one with wings...

like a maxi-pad

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 11:35 AM (gN9aN)

158

Anyone know the entemology of dildo?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 03:29 PM (gN9aN)

It's named for Dillinger's Dong, now floating in formaldehye deep in the bowels (hey that's where the mouse is!) of the Smithsonian.

Really. I didn't just make that up or something.

Posted by: Cicero at November 11, 2010 11:36 AM (QKKT0)

159

Long ago there was a village mute with a big dick named Dildo.

This is plausible.

/nods

A scandi village, perhaps St Olaf?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 11:36 AM (gN9aN)

160

>> He was arrested for burglarizing a home, ...

Proactive redistribution.

>> ... during which arrest he attacked officers and attempted to bite them. ...

In getting attacked, the police acted stupidly.

>> ... He was eventually subdued with Tasers and batons. ...

Not cool, bro.

>> ... Then it got weird.

What a person does ... (wait) ... calling it "weird" is judg---- ... you're showing your mouseorectophobia ...

... whoa, that's weird.

Posted by: FireHorse at November 11, 2010 11:36 AM (sWynj)

161

"So Dildo came to mean a big dick that can't talk. "

Sounds like Barry when you take away his telepromter.

Posted by: Hoper for Change at November 11, 2010 11:37 AM (adr25)

162 Or it's from an extinct relative of the Dodo.

Posted by: Cicero at November 11, 2010 11:37 AM (QKKT0)

163 I want to know the story behind Dildo, Newfoundland.

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 03:35 PM (BP6Z1)

Yeah, that was the village the mute founded after leaving his home town with a displaced hip and a really raw dick.

Posted by: Rocks at November 11, 2010 11:37 AM (Q1lie)

164 Will they let you post bail with asspennies?

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 11, 2010 11:38 AM (bpP/w)

165

OMG that Rush takedown was EPIC!

....in your worthless life....!

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 11, 2010 11:38 AM (pLTLS)

166 I want to take my dog to this guy's garage sale.

Posted by: Cicero at November 11, 2010 11:38 AM (QKKT0)

167

Gk -pteron

like the word helicopter is helico + pter, spiral (helix) + one with wings

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 03:34 PM (gN9aN)

--Oh, I know that: i was just joking on "entemology" (entomology is the science of insects) and butterflies and moths belong to Lepidoptera.

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 11:38 AM (BP6Z1)

168 Attention Kmart shoppers! We found your remote control computer mouse.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at November 11, 2010 11:40 AM (r1h5M)

169

Posted by: logprof at November 11, 2010 03:38 PM (BP6Z1)

That was just too erudite for the morons.

Posted by: Cicero at November 11, 2010 11:40 AM (QKKT0)

170 How would any of you like to be the one who had to write that police report? Thank god I never got calls like that

Posted by: Ncj on the iphone4 saying you're fired biatch!!!!! at November 11, 2010 11:41 AM (ZWISK)

171

haha, I thought you were calling me a coin collector diamond cutter.

(No, I didn't. But it's all I got.)

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 11, 2010 11:41 AM (gN9aN)

172 You have to click over to the story to truly appreciate the absurdity of the scene. The man was completely nude when he attempted to burglarize the house. When the police showed up, he slapped and kicked at them, and tried to bite them, while they in turn sprayed him with pepper spray and hit him with their batons.

And all the while the mouse cord was hanging out of his butt.

This is why I question the value of universal suffrage.

Posted by: Shooter McGavin at November 11, 2010 11:44 AM (cxGtL)

173 "141 Hey, you try figuring those Chinglish instruction manuals." Yep, it said 'plug mouse into rear input' -- ooooh, the PC rear input. D'oh.

Posted by: cali grump at November 11, 2010 11:46 AM (hL0k8)

174 God help me, I looked it up in Webster's. It says origin unknown, but it was first used in 1598. So imagine a guy with a codpiece coming up with the word "dildo" spontaneously.

Posted by: joncelli at November 11, 2010 11:46 AM (RD7QR)

175 I've seen it done with gerbils my x-rays prove it. But a mouse? That's weird.

Posted by: Richard Gere at November 11, 2010 11:54 AM (pELFl)

176 Sounds like a PC guy to me? Go wireless and NOBODY knows.....

Posted by: izoneguy at November 11, 2010 11:55 AM (YiODO)

177

Computer mouse? That's just disgusting.

Now a Wii controller, that's innovative.

Posted by: malclave at November 11, 2010 11:56 AM (OCRaO)

178

@185

My contribution to posterity. Or posteriority, if that's your deal.

Posted by: Sextoi, Marchioness of Dildo at November 11, 2010 11:59 AM (OCRaO)

179

Well, we know it had to be a USB or a PS/2 mouse; if it was wireless or Bluetooth, it would have remained his sweet little secret.

Or maybe he was just trying to be a "joystick" for his gay lover.

Posted by: Stanky Poozle at November 11, 2010 12:04 PM (X67eL)

180 I just became a believer in touch screens....

Posted by: Doug at November 11, 2010 12:05 PM (AM2vH)

181 Cat burglar.

Posted by: Amos at November 11, 2010 12:05 PM (gDWoG)

182 You all wouldn't be so dismissive if you knew he could both right and left click, AND us the wheel. Hands free computing!

Posted by: mueller at November 11, 2010 12:11 PM (QO+2f)

183 And don't ask about where the fire wire cable is!

Posted by: andycanuck at November 11, 2010 12:18 PM (eQPq+)

184 What did one mouse say to the other?
"Wreck'd 'im? It nearly killed 'im."

Posted by: andycanuck at November 11, 2010 12:20 PM (eQPq+)

185

Well, now. Old Noah can look at his reflection in the cell reflective sheet metal mirror and say to hisself " Yessir, I am a valuable human being, someone who is worth keeping around."

He is the equivalent to rats in the basement.

Posted by: maddogg at November 11, 2010 12:29 PM (OlN4e)

186

next thread from Yahoo news:

U.S. Sen. Lisa Murkowski's campaign on Thursday accused observers for rival Joe Miller of making petty challenges in the counting of voters' write-in ballots in an attempt to tilt the Alaska Senate race in their favor.

Posted by: mallfly at November 11, 2010 12:31 PM (bJm7W)

187 He forgot. About three ping pong balls up his butt.

Want to bet who he voted for in 2008?

Posted by: Josef K. at November 11, 2010 03:31 PM (7+pP9)

me?

Posted by: Bwaney Fwank at November 11, 2010 12:36 PM (RxKvG)

188 If you are going to put a mouse up your butt, it should be one of the portable ones. How about all those guys in prison with cell phones up their butts?

Posted by: Moi at November 11, 2010 12:38 PM (Ez4Ql)

189 This guy was apparently trying to BECOME a mouse, so he could be AS QUIET as a mouse.

Posted by: cnh at November 11, 2010 12:47 PM (kGjAm)

190 Love this place!

Posted by: come4postsstay4comments at November 11, 2010 12:58 PM (oCbCP)

191 The real embarrassment is just how his lover got carpal tunnel syndrome.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 01:00 PM (FHlAi)

192 Well maybe he lost his Gerbil.

Posted by: ronsfi at November 11, 2010 01:01 PM (TQbuA)

193 Some guys orgasm from hand jobs, some from blow jobs. This guy gets off on Steve Jobs.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 01:02 PM (FHlAi)

194 What a way to kill your drive.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 01:04 PM (FHlAi)

195 I'm guessing he has a 3-inch floppy.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 01:04 PM (FHlAi)

196 That's nothing! I once had a 42 oz Louisville Slugger inside me for a week compliments of the 1975 Pittsburgh Pirates!

Posted by: DrewM's Mom's Poon at November 11, 2010 01:09 PM (G5qLy)

197 What kind of pirates?!

Posted by: Korla Pundit at November 11, 2010 01:10 PM (FHlAi)

198 #68 Funniest comment of the year award!

Posted by: Vene at November 11, 2010 01:14 PM (HfxmI)

199 Now that's what I call multitasking.

Posted by: Thief on the go at November 11, 2010 01:30 PM (sWPjB)

200 What a weirdo. I only shove modern wireless mice with blue-tooth up MY keister. This ain't 1991 no more pal.

Posted by: cackfinger at November 11, 2010 01:36 PM (Elbt6)

201 Mickey claims he was drunk at the time.

Posted by: Minnie's denial at November 11, 2010 01:45 PM (sWPjB)

202 Maybe he's an Apple product tester?

Posted by: andycanuck at November 11, 2010 02:38 PM (eQPq+)

203 ...there's a turd burglar joke in there somewhere... Good to see a mouse finally getting some of the action

Posted by: Stinky McGerbil at November 11, 2010 02:43 PM (FLQG+)

204 So what the hell do you say in a situation like that? "Darn, I was looking for that mouse for weeks!" Why on Earth did they have to publish this poor bastard's photo? Wasn't he humiliated enough already?

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 11, 2010 03:34 PM (tJjm/)

205 It's always in the last place you look.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 11, 2010 03:40 PM (eQPq+)

206 And this guy would be a stellar TSA agent too.

Posted by: sTevo at November 11, 2010 03:57 PM (VMcEw)

207

So then the cops plugged him in to a powered usb hub....

Rubber hoses are so passe.

Posted by: MarkD at November 11, 2010 04:11 PM (dhmfH)

208 Well, that was unusual.

Posted by: CMU VET at November 11, 2010 05:49 PM (WfmN2)

209

Well if the US needs an ambassador for Iran, I nominate Mouse-boy.

New grades of stupidity? How about Stuck on Soros Stupid grade? Or ACORN grade?

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 11, 2010 08:45 PM (5Q4AA)

210 Great post..see your blog in clothing stores,there are many hot sale clothing stores online.he gap will most likely be in with certainty if you chose bright colors and in what way you draw for the skin offers.

Posted by: wholesale clothing at November 11, 2010 11:10 PM (DyVg2)

211 This guy will sue. And then all computer mice will have to have an incredibly stupid warning label.

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