Ace of Spades HQ

February 23, 2010

Open Blog/Are You Still Banned?
— Ace

Accidentally took the last four days off. I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.

There were a bunch of unbanning requests that came in Friday that I didn't get to. Please re-send. We're getting there, little by little.

Posted by: Ace at 01:07 PM | Comments (126)
Post contains 53 words, total size 1 kb.

1 It's ALIVE!!!!!!!!

Posted by: fozzy at February 23, 2010 01:08 PM (ccEuN)

Accidentally took the last four days off.

That was a long-ass hangover. Glad ur back.

Posted by: Naan at February 23, 2010 01:08 PM (j5MTj)

3 How do you "accidentally" take off 4 days? Where were you passed out?

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at February 23, 2010 01:08 PM (DsU01)

4 Oh thank god. The inmates were getting restless.

Posted by: Elena at February 23, 2010 01:09 PM (ojyT9)

5 Ace is here and we've been waiting.

Posted by: Welcoming Committee of Demon Sheep at February 23, 2010 01:09 PM (LEynS)

6 Ace needs a bailout.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at February 23, 2010 01:10 PM (UjpUs)

Must've been a helluva crop of hobos in Ace's area.

Welcome home noble voyager.

Posted by: KingShamus at February 23, 2010 01:10 PM (8n1j5)

8 Were you really locked up with VP Cheney for an attitude adjustment?

Posted by: 141 Driver at February 23, 2010 01:11 PM (LEynS)

Accidentally took 4 days off? Hmm....Kind of reminds me of the guy who's wife is missing in Utah. He said he took the two kids (4 and 2) out camping in 30 degree weather. He didn't call in work on Monday because he thought it was Sunday (got confused because he was out camping on Sunday and didn't go to church, so he thought Saturday was Sunday). Hmm....Ace, are you able to walk straight?

Posted by: runningrn at February 23, 2010 01:11 PM (CfmlF)

10 Evidently, you were the we've been waiting for.

Posted by: nikkolai at February 23, 2010 01:11 PM (U0lNn)

11 What happened, forget which drink you put the ruffies in?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at February 23, 2010 01:12 PM (tf9Ne)

12 Val-U-Rite must be having a recall coming up. I will only get 4 days off when I have my first heart attack. Good for you Ace.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at February 23, 2010 01:12 PM (ndlFj)

13 This isn't the real Ace. He's not repeating anything from another post today.

Posted by: throwaway handle at February 23, 2010 01:12 PM (dUOK+)

Tell the truth. You lost all track of time once you experimented with those new jello mousse temptations, didn't you?

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at February 23, 2010 01:13 PM (cniXs)

15 I missed the Ace.

Posted by: Winston at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (FggW0)

16 I like doing nothing. I've gotten pretty good at it.

Posted by: Joe Plugs at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (YCVBL)

17 There were a bunch of unbanning requests that came in Friday that I didn't get to. Please re-send. We're getting there, little by little.

Oh sexy girrrrrlfriend....!

Posted by: Palin Steal (the only sexy troll on AoSHQ) at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (LnLo7)

18 Is this really the Smoke Monster Ace?

/or Rum masquerading as Ace?

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (otlXg)

19 Captain Morgan to get 2.7 billion in stimulus money. Greater then the value of the company. About $27,000 per cap for U.S. virgin islands for Captain Morgan and $27,000 per cap for their government. See BreitBart. I would link, but your tech support has gotten a hold of some bad smack.

Posted by: Flavius Julius at February 23, 2010 01:14 PM (NLZLH)

20
Accidentally took the last four days off.

hahahahaha, put this in the Guinness book for lamest excuse ever.

Posted by: This is lolboner at February 23, 2010 01:15 PM (jVldi)

21 Yay, Ace is alive! Did the hobos get the better of you until you fought them back and killed them, putting their heads on a pike? Yes, I am a blood thirsty wench.

Posted by: wherestherum at February 23, 2010 01:16 PM (wB82/)

22 Man, I thought I was a shitty employee...

Posted by: Dr. Amy Bishop at February 23, 2010 01:17 PM (MMC8r)

23 Ace, if you had listened to me and bought Ban-O-Matic 2.0 from my Amazon store, you'd be able to spend more time googling yourself and taking pictures.

But no, you had to go off on some bender with Chris Hitchens while the bad crazy people went wild on your blog

I bid you adieu

Posted by: Cahrsel Jhonsno at February 23, 2010 01:18 PM (sYxEE)

24 I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.

That has to be Ace, with the lame Office Space joke.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:18 PM (otlXg)

25 Cheney goes in hospital, Ace disappears....

Coincidence?

Posted by: nickless at February 23, 2010 01:18 PM (MMC8r)

26 Thank goodness you're back, Ace! Meaning no disrespect to anyone, but this place has been more like the Rules of Poker Card HQ lately.

Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at February 23, 2010 01:18 PM (tPZUr)

19. Captain Morgan to get 2.7 billion in stimulus money.

Screw that. Check out Koloa Rum, made in good ol Kauai. Buy American dammit!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (cniXs)

28 Accidentally took the last four days off.

Yes, Argentina is lovely at this time of the year

Posted by: Gov. Mark Sanford at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (sYxEE)

29 Captain Morgan.

Posted by: Flavius Julius at February 23, 2010 01:19 PM (NLZLH)

30
Disappearin' for 4 days, that's a bannin'.

Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 01:20 PM (fx8sm)

31 I'm not banned, but I'm typing in a pink tutu.

Posted by: Palin Steele, boy cockring at February 23, 2010 01:20 PM (W/00U)

32 My first TinyUrl and I am mostly unscathed.

Posted by: Flavius Julius at February 23, 2010 01:21 PM (NLZLH)

33 Did your four days off involve four-sided dice and module B2 "Keep on the Borderlands"?

If not, you're slacking. Don't make me get medieval on you with my Deck of Many Things.

Posted by: Gary Gygax at February 23, 2010 01:21 PM (YMZjg)

34 I'm not sold , usually his explanations are more flowery .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at February 23, 2010 01:21 PM (a9UO0)

35 Ace returns to work: Porn sites hardest hit

Posted by: kbdabear at February 23, 2010 01:21 PM (sYxEE)

Note to Andrew:

2.7 million is not 2.7 billion, because it were 2.7 billion, we'd all be drunk by now.

Posted by: Palin Steele, boy cockring at February 23, 2010 01:22 PM (W/00U)

37 Hey, I'm still missing!

Posted by: Waldo at February 23, 2010 01:22 PM (PWj+8)

38 Was this time off Obama's Time Off Czar approved?

Posted by: 1idvet at February 23, 2010 01:22 PM (xUxh3)

39 "Accidentally took the last four days off. I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be."

sounds like a Tijuana hooskow?

Posted by: thefritz at February 23, 2010 01:23 PM (pH+yu)

40 Welcome back, Sunshine.

Posted by: DelD at February 23, 2010 01:23 PM (eWtdM)

41 Epic Beard Guy saga was on Fox this morning.

Posted by: Flavius Julius at February 23, 2010 01:23 PM (NLZLH)

42 I accidentally went to work today. Big mistake.

Posted by: toby928 at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (PD1tk)

43
Since the flame thread is probably already dead, A Proper Southeast Texas 'Winter Weather Advisory'. 45Â° omigod we're all gonna freeze to death!

Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (fx8sm)

44 I accidentally gave a damn at work today. Big mistake.

Posted by: Mike H at February 23, 2010 01:24 PM (PWj+8)

45 Cheney goes in hospital, Ace disappears....

Coincidence?

Cheney recovers, Ace reappears obviously missing something....

Coincidence?

Posted by: arhooley at February 23, 2010 01:25 PM (0wGeU)

46 Let the double posting begin!

Posted by: Tami at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (VuLos)

I wondered who Janine Garofalo was shacking up with last week.

Posted by: TexasJew at February 23, 2010 01:26 PM (W/00U)

48 Yeah, every day I thought I was coming to work. Imagine my surprise when, at the end of the day, I realized I hadn't been at work at all.

Posted by: Sockpuppet Ace at February 23, 2010 01:27 PM (QKKT0)

Accidentally took the last four days off. I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.

So you were hospitalized for a cheetos and Mt. Dew overdose. How long did it take for them to get the die-20 out of your hand?

Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 23, 2010 01:27 PM (nlRuk)

50 "29 Captain Morgan." My outrage meter pegged out long ago. There's just too much theft to keep getting upset about it.

Posted by: Bugler at February 23, 2010 01:28 PM (YCVBL)

51
Ahh, I see- Ace 'accidently _______ the blog'. Gotcha.

Posted by: Dang Straights at February 23, 2010 01:29 PM (fx8sm)

52 Good news from AP - Geithner has quit and the new Treasury Secretary will be the pets.com hand puppet.

Posted by: TexasJew at February 23, 2010 01:29 PM (W/00U)

53 There I was @ CPAC. I met a tranny hooker with bad hair. Turned out to be Joe Biden. We ran out of lube this morning, so, I said, "Crap"

Posted by: Sockpuppet Ace2 at February 23, 2010 01:29 PM (PWj+8)

54 Ace of Spades? Never heard of him.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at February 23, 2010 01:31 PM (jdXw+)

55
Accidentally took the last four days off.

So, your BDSM mistress forgot to take the shackles off?

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at February 23, 2010 01:31 PM (1hM1d)

56 It is 2.7 billion for the British company that owns Captain Morgan.

Posted by: Flavius Julius at February 23, 2010 01:32 PM (NLZLH)

57 How do we know that this isn't actually the zombie Ace? Is he one of the undead? And is he one of the newer fast-moving zombies?

Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:33 PM (AZGON)

58 Perhaps an evil doppelganger Ace?

Posted by: Flavius Julius at February 23, 2010 01:34 PM (NLZLH)

59 #55 So, your BDSM mistress forgot to take the shackles off?

I thought it was a tranny midget hooker.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at February 23, 2010 01:39 PM (otlXg)

60 Ace will reach under his chin, and like Martin Landau in "Mission: Impossible," peel away the mask... Andy Kaufman!

Posted by: George Orwell at February 23, 2010 01:40 PM (AZGON)

Make the world go away!

Posted by: Eddie Arnold at February 23, 2010 01:41 PM (68tQb)

62 In all seriousness, a lot of posters to this blog were doing some serious worrying about you Ace, some serious worrying. See the Rubio thread if you don't believe me.

Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 01:41 PM (p302b)

63 Naughty, naughty, Ace. Mistress did not grant you permission to leave your cage. Go and get your testicle cuff...!

Posted by: Mistress Veronica at February 23, 2010 01:41 PM (MMC8r)

64 'Glad you are ok.
_{/compassion mode off

/moron mode on}
Get back to work, you rat bastard!

Posted by: Y-not at February 23, 2010 01:41 PM (Kn9r7)

65 Switzerland and Belarus in a shootout on the USA network.

Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 01:43 PM (p302b)

66 Switzerland moves on to play team USA.

Posted by: curious at February 23, 2010 01:43 PM (p302b)

67 55
Accidentally took the last four days off.

So, your BDSM mistress forgot to take the shackles off?

In fairness the word is palamino, not prmrfm...

Posted by: BDSM mistress at February 23, 2010 01:44 PM (8zQxF)

68 Hey Ace, ya wanta come over and watch some Kung Fu?

Posted by: Jen Aniston at February 23, 2010 01:45 PM (cpuvG)

69 Well, thanks for ruining my day. I guess it's back to the barn for me.

Posted by: The Chicken at February 23, 2010 01:49 PM (2+9Yx)

70 My request to be banned has still not been processed. Please expedite. Thanks.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at February 23, 2010 01:49 PM (0FiCa)

Four day accidental vacation capped off with.......Open Blog.

Do you by any chance have a meeting with the two Bobs later on?

Posted by: eleven at February 23, 2010 01:52 PM (7DB+a)

72 The Saudi ambassador "biggest dick" story? Fake: http://tr.im/nobigdick

Posted by: INCITEmarsh at February 23, 2010 01:52 PM (FCn6Y)

73 We're gonna have to ask you to move down to storage unit B. M'kay?

Posted by: nikkolai at February 23, 2010 02:00 PM (U0lNn)

74 I accidentally came to work, and it was exactly what I thought it would be.

Posted by: mikeyslaw at February 23, 2010 02:05 PM (QMGr1)

75 So i was with this woman the other day, I told her after a few drings that i wanted to make love to her breasts. She got indignant and asked me "How are you going to make that pleasurable for me?" I responded, "Well, right before i climax, Im going to stop punching you in the face"

Posted by: Recently Unemployed Man at February 23, 2010 02:05 PM (WiIGF)

76 Actually, CJ bribed me with $500 to ban Ace from his own blog for 4 days. Time are tough...

Posted by: Purple Avenger at February 23, 2010 02:06 PM (/jtv1)

77 Damn. I guess we can't say "cocksucker" anymore.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 23, 2010 02:07 PM (I/MqP)

78 Ace returns to work. Purveyors of Tijuana Donkey Shows hardest hit.

Posted by: Jose with the awesome donkeee at February 23, 2010 02:10 PM (tafgh)

79 It is really suspicious that Cheney was hospitalized and Ace was missing. I have met Ace, and his face and head look like a fuzzy ball of fur. For all we know, it could be Dick Cheney under all that fur.

Posted by: Tushar at February 23, 2010 02:12 PM (KXhmI)

Must've been a helluva crop of hobos in Ace's area.

My thoughts exactly? The bodies must be piling up in the crawl space

Posted by: Max Power at February 23, 2010 02:13 PM (q177U)

81 61 Ace will reach under his chin, and like Martin Landau in "Mission: Impossible," peel away the mask...

Andy Kaufman! ALLAHPUNDIT!!

Posted by: kbdabear at February 23, 2010 02:18 PM (sYxEE)

82 Fuck Ace is here, hide the shit Dave. No, no, no, don't eat it hide it. Damn, I'm fucked up.

Posted by: cheech and chong at February 23, 2010 02:19 PM (nxUYP)

83 'bout frikin time.
I thought we were going to have to pass the hat around to get you bailed out.

Posted by: RayJ at February 23, 2010 02:22 PM (//Bcg)

84 Ace,

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know how much fun I had over the course of the last four days.

Never before have I had a lover who was so kind, considerate, gentle, and, well...good at what he did.

I know that you were a little skeeved out by my undies at first, but once the lights went out...well, you were a tiger.

Looking forward to next time.

H.

Posted by: Helen Thomas at February 23, 2010 02:26 PM (yT5zd)

85 Posted by: Helen Thomas at February 23, 2010 06:26 PM (yT5zd)

If you'd have posted this in the humpback's Flame War, you'd easily be the threadwinner.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 23, 2010 02:31 PM (I/MqP)

Did you accidentally ban yourself, or were you looking for that dog that ate your homework?

Breathe in deeply and really feel how important your writing is..... to a bunch of morons.

Posted by: Antimatter at February 23, 2010 02:32 PM (gbCNS)

87 Ace, how were the tranny hookers?

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 02:35 PM (s99Qn)

88 I wish I could 'accidentally' take 4 days off...

Posted by: Sheik Yur Bouty at February 23, 2010 02:38 PM (ON1+f)

89 86 Posted by: Helen Thomas at February 23, 2010 06:26 PM (yT5zd)

If you'd have posted this in the humpback's Flame War, you'd easily be the threadwinner.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 23, 2010 06:31 PM (I/MqP)

I don' think chewing the crusts outta Helen's drawers really counts as an excuse, do you? I mean, really?

Posted by: di butler, bitchy w/ a side of bacon at February 23, 2010 02:38 PM (S3xX1)

Has AOSHQ gone union? In that case, Mr. Spades, report to my office for a stern rebuke, followed by an all expenses paid trip to rehab, then a promotion.

Posted by: Stern Andy at February 23, 2010 02:39 PM (SBIko)

91 I am still here.

Posted by: UncleZeb at February 23, 2010 02:41 PM (Fgu3H)

92 Ace who? Never heard of him.

Posted by: Say What? at February 23, 2010 02:41 PM (vwh8M)

93 How much was bail?

Posted by: Jean at February 23, 2010 02:42 PM (CPefM)

94 Did you bring a signed absentee note from your mother?

Posted by: dogfish at February 23, 2010 02:43 PM (1AfCy)

95 That's it? No explanation? I demand a full accounting!

Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 02:45 PM (1fanL)

96 Must be nice to be young. I can't even stay drunk for 4 hours anymore,let alone 4 days.

Posted by: mark c at February 23, 2010 02:46 PM (SBIko)

See the Rubio thread if you don't believe me.

But don't look at the chicken thread. No, really, it's totally boring. Worth skipping.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 23, 2010 02:51 PM (Be4xl)

98 I gotta go take a crap. You musta knocked somethin' loose there tiger.

Posted by: Janet Reno at February 23, 2010 02:55 PM (Zi+FQ)

99 Just checking

Posted by: Patrick at February 23, 2010 02:59 PM (OpnaT)

100 Oh no you di'int, Helen Thomas. Over the last four days, Ace turned my swish into a sashay.

Posted by: Andi 'Ace's Bitch' Sullivan at February 23, 2010 03:01 PM (1fanL)

101 So who took over and banned all these people while you were out? CJ?

Posted by: David C at February 23, 2010 03:01 PM (ihhMS)

102 <#55 So, your BDSM mistress forgot to take the shackles off? I thought it was a tranny midget hooker. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Posted by: joncelli at February 23, 2010 03:04 PM (Ko4Av)

103 Ace, we all know you're reading this, since you're a Bambi-grade narcissist. So I have a request. BRING BACK you! Please.

Posted by: FUBAR at February 23, 2010 03:05 PM (1fanL)

104 Phew! We were almost about to buy a sign that said "Miss Me Yet?" and included a picture of a grinning Ewok.

Posted by: Anonymous Business Owners in Wyoming, Minnesota at February 23, 2010 03:05 PM (lSuMX)

105 This is a test, you did not read this.

Posted by: Stormy70 at February 23, 2010 03:09 PM (ij/66)

106

The Civic Failure of Higher Education.

Click on my name.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at February 23, 2010 03:19 PM (euuyg)

107

To be honest, I come here when I have nothing to do. And sometimes when I have things to do but I'm slacking.

At least it puts my mind to good use. Unless there's a chicken thread.

Posted by: Antimatter at February 23, 2010 03:21 PM (gbCNS)

108 No, but I'm probably still dead.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at February 23, 2010 03:26 PM (BlZpZ)

109

If you built transmissions, you could name your company "Hooker." "Hooker trannys" would be a catchy name.

There is no "off" position on the genius switch.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 03:33 PM (uZ2Jd)

110

"Populist" is another way of saying "old fashioned Democrat," Fuckabee.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 03:42 PM (uZ2Jd)

111 The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

Posted by: Peter Gibbons at February 23, 2010 03:56 PM (JSe6s)

112 all failures neurotics, psychotics, criminals, drunkards, problem children, suicides, perverts, and prostitutes are failures because they are lacking in social interest.

Posted by: evil libertarian at February 23, 2010 04:05 PM (W6gtk)

113 How was the chicken Ace? Did you at least tip her?

Posted by: mpfs at February 23, 2010 04:06 PM (QuP9W)

114 Wow, you missed... uh, nothing.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at February 23, 2010 04:09 PM (5I0Yr)

115

How was the chicken Ace? Did you at least tip her?

Her?

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 04:24 PM (uZ2Jd)

116 Ace returns in order to allow the liqour stores and deli's restock on bourbon and ciggerettes...... fueling the engine of our economy... welcome back.

Posted by: Last Conservative In Brooklyn at February 23, 2010 04:25 PM (7uAeI)

117 rd,
It would have to be a her. If it wasn't that would mean Ace would be fucking a co.....ohhhhhh.

Posted by: mpfs at February 23, 2010 04:32 PM (QuP9W)

118 maybe he was at a mini-Ramadan fest

Posted by: ron dorque at February 23, 2010 04:42 PM (jLUYF)

119

How do you "accidentally" take off 4 days? Where were you passed out?

Tied up. It happens.

Posted by: Penultimatum at February 23, 2010 04:46 PM (Z9OXE)

120

@116

Yeah, the chicken is a girl.

Because banging a rooster would be gay.

Posted by: KingShamus at February 23, 2010 05:01 PM (8n1j5)

121 I say! Ace! I say boy! Leave my chicken alone!

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at February 23, 2010 05:40 PM (NV7fl)

122

Watching another science show tonight: I'll paraphrase the first part of the quote, "Large stars, although they have more fuel to burn, they're so massive they burn furiously and use up all their fuel in a million years." And now the philosopher king, poet-warrior, money quote: "They're the fast livers of the stellar lane."

Another installment in the all-scientists-are-wordsmiths series.

Posted by: rdbrewer at February 23, 2010 06:00 PM (VCuHa)

123 Four days to fornicate with chicken. Is that a new world record?

Posted by: mongo at February 23, 2010 06:38 PM (+R/zi)

124 Ace, I hope everything is alright. Peace be with you.

Posted by: chemjeff at February 23, 2010 08:19 PM (Gk/wA)

125 "They're the fast livers of the stellar lane."

I like liver. Soak it in milk to take away that bitter taste.

Posted by: kurtilator at February 24, 2010 06:21 AM (juh4Z)

126 test ;o)

Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2010 07:48 AM (GJHX1)

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