Ace of Spades HQ

June 25, 2010

Putting the cart before the horse
— Purple Avenger

Suppose you're a restaurant owner. Suppose a local newspaper restaurant reviewer has announced they'll be dining at your establishment on a particular night.

You'd do all you could to make them a happy camper, right?

You'd cater to their every whim, right?

You'd make sure they got a good food, prepared precisely as they specified, right?

You make sure the ambiance was perfect and all your usual rowdy and obnoxious low life customers were quickly hustled out the back door with promises of a free diner next week or something if they'll just go somewhere else that particular night, right?

THEN and ONLY THEN would you have the reviewer beaten to a pulp AFTER a bad review came out, right?

Well that's the way normal restaurant owners would do it. But Timothy Rankins is no "normal" restaurant owner. He sees things kinda differently.

You see, Dale Carnegie graduate Timmy, boldly tried a new and exciting strategy in interpersonal relations and had the reviewer beaten to a pulp PROACTIVELY as the guy was leaving the restaurant.

I must admit, this is a most novel and creative approach to dealing with the media, and I wish him well blazing this new trail, but I do have some serious doubts about its real world ability to win friends and influence people.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 05:43 PM | Comments (63)
Post contains 230 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Timmy was only having these two thugs greet the restaurant owner with the Etheridge hug.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 25, 2010 05:46 PM (c0A3e)

2 I'll never review a purchase on Amazon again.

Posted by: Cicero at June 25, 2010 05:46 PM (3Dnuf)

3 1 Timmy was only having these two thugs greet the restaurant owner reviewer with the Etheridge hug.

FIFM.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 25, 2010 05:47 PM (c0A3e)

4 Doesn't Empire of Jeff own a restaurant ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at June 25, 2010 05:47 PM (NuAIL)

5 I let him eat in my Italian restaurant, he tells me to go home and get my fuckin' shine box

Stutterin' prick

Posted by: Tommy DeVito at June 25, 2010 05:48 PM (sYxEE)

6 Pedestrian?? I'll show you pedestrian!!!

Posted by: Timmy Rankins at June 25, 2010 05:48 PM (3Dnuf)

7 Getting beat up outside a restaurant happens a lot in NJ

But nobody seen nothin'

Posted by: kbdabear at June 25, 2010 05:49 PM (sYxEE)

8 Suppose a local newspaper restaurant reviewer has announced they'll be dining at your establishment on a particular night.

Since when do reviewers announce their visit? They used to show up randomly, to get an accurate feel for your food and service....if they get royal treatment and readers get treated like dirt, readers get pissy at the paper.

I can't remember which city I lived in that had a reviewer who never allowed his picture to be run in the paper until after his death.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at June 25, 2010 05:49 PM (M9BNu)

9 I hope he at least had Christopher Walken do it.

Posted by: eman at June 25, 2010 05:49 PM (kFytp)

10 I wonder what he'd do to Gordon Ramsey....

Posted by: KZnextzone at June 25, 2010 05:50 PM (veaqz)

11 I wonder what would happen if DOCTOR AMY BISHOP decided to eat at Rankin's place?

Posted by: kbdabear at June 25, 2010 05:50 PM (sYxEE)

12 Who ordered the knuckle sandwich?

Posted by: 48%er at June 25, 2010 05:51 PM (OThQg)

13 He was just taking advantage of the Douchebag Journalist Loophole in the Assault and Battery statutes. Hey, if it works for eeevil gun shows, it should work for journalists.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 25, 2010 05:51 PM (9Lm5R)

14 I'm sure it was all just a terrible misunderstanding.

Posted by: eman at June 25, 2010 05:53 PM (kFytp)

15 I wonder what would happen if DOCTOR AMY BISHOP decided to eat at Rankin's place?

The thugs would subdue her with a pipe before she could draw and fire...then she'd be found floating 50 miles downriver in the Hudson.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 25, 2010 05:54 PM (AEDFx)

16 Timmy sounds like a real gem too:

The paper's police reporter has written about Rankins' cozy connections to city officials, including that police officers were frequently seen dining for free at one of Rankins' restaurants.

The paper has also reported on his indictment on charges that he failed to pay $191,000 in taxes, that he surrendered his liquor license after a raid at one his restaurants netted more than 200 underage drinkers, and that he was one of the city's worst parking scofflaws.

Seems to me Timmy's in the wrong business - he should be a Congressman, or on Obama's Cabinet!

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 25, 2010 05:55 PM (c0A3e)

17 When crepe pans are outlawed, only outlaws will have crepe pans.

Posted by: Cicero at June 25, 2010 05:56 PM (3Dnuf)

18 11 I wonder what would happen if DOCTOR AMY BISHOP decided to eat at Rankin's place?

We would be bringing the nutbag a booster seat on the double!!

Posted by: Rocco and Vinnie at June 25, 2010 05:57 PM (2AwFA)

19 Five paragraphs in and I thought this was going to be about the Gulf coast oil "clean-up."

Posted by: Methos at June 25, 2010 05:57 PM (Xsi7M)

20 Timmy sounds like a real gem

The Albany area is full of people like Timmy.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 25, 2010 05:58 PM (AEDFx)

21 If you read the article you see our man Timmy is going to jail for a good long time even in the absence of this incident. He probably just figured "what the hell, it can't get any worse".

Posted by: Ace's liver at June 25, 2010 05:59 PM (XIXhw)

22 Just a hint; don't send back the soup

Posted by: kbdabear at June 25, 2010 05:59 PM (sYxEE)

23 Come on! The guy didn't even order desert.

Posted by: Timmy Rankins at June 25, 2010 06:00 PM (YX6i/)

24 Anyone who can write " ...the back of my head is ailing ..." , prolly needs a good beatdown .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at June 25, 2010 06:00 PM (NuAIL)

25

Timothy Rankins and Clint Eastwood in........

Every Which Way but Couscous

Posted by: Blazer at June 25, 2010 06:01 PM (t72+4)

26
When crepe pans are outlawed, only outlaws will have crepe pans.

This lowlife prick reporter was gonna say my crepes was rolled too tight.

Posted by: Timmy at June 25, 2010 06:01 PM (Oxen1)

27 18 When crepe pans are outlawed, only outlaws will have crepe pans. Posted by: Cicero at June 25, 2010 09:56 PM

The crepes HAVE to be rolled by a Mandelbaum. That's what puts the magic in Magic Pan!

Posted by: Izze Mandelbaum at June 25, 2010 06:01 PM (sYxEE)

28 He fell.

Posted by: eman at June 25, 2010 06:02 PM (kFytp)

29 Does Timmy have a newsletter?

Posted by: Sam Rothstein Food and Beverage Director at June 25, 2010 06:03 PM (0pYSi)

30 Hey, in my defense, I really thought this dude was Guy Fieri.

Posted by: Timmy Rankins at June 25, 2010 06:04 PM (YX6i/)

31 That is rare...No you ORDERED onion rings.

Posted by: KZnextzone at June 25, 2010 06:04 PM (veaqz)

32 So I'm eatin' in this guy Timmy's place, and some fruit food critic from the papers comes in. Critic says "what can you do to make this shit edible" and Timmy says to him, "what can I do to make you go fuck your mother". I thought he'd shit!

Posted by: Tommy DeVito at June 25, 2010 06:05 PM (sYxEE)

33 30 It would be interesting to see how Timmy would do in the pizza delivery business. I wonder what he would do if you called to complain it was 5 minutes too late?

Send two large guys to get you to "re-evaulate"your opinion of the service?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 25, 2010 06:05 PM (c0A3e)

34 He sent back the meatballs. It's his Momma's recipe. Totally understand.

Posted by: eman at June 25, 2010 06:06 PM (kFytp)

35 Look... why take a chance? At least, that's the way I feel about it.

Posted by: Remo Gaggi at June 25, 2010 06:06 PM (ipt9w)

36 What am I gonna do Paulie, I gotta go lookin' over my shoulder all the time, I'm a lamist now. The guy's treating me like half a fag ... You go in partners with me on this, Paulie ...

Posted by: Timmy Rankin at June 25, 2010 06:07 PM (sYxEE)

37
The reporter failed to understand the consequences of ignoring the sign next to the register:
Tipping is not a city in China

Posted by: Katie Couric's colon at June 25, 2010 06:07 PM (Oxen1)

Waiter there's a fly in my soup, what's it doing there?

It's keeping your teeth company

Posted by: KZnextzone at June 25, 2010 06:08 PM (veaqz)

39 What beatdown? We was just funnin' with the guy. He tripped and hit his head. Very sad.

Posted by: eman at June 25, 2010 06:09 PM (kFytp)

40 Um, I didn't order the fish.

Posted by: Luca Brazi at June 25, 2010 06:10 PM (0K3p3)

41 Reminds me of an old restaurant joke.

A waiter in a fancy pants restaurant ask the customer:
"And how did you find the veal sir?"
Customer: "I lifted up the carrot and there it was."

Posted by: YIKES! at June 25, 2010 06:10 PM (roBAy)

42 I'm dying from the suspense here: HOW WAS THE REVIEW? Glowing? Negative? So-so? "The food is good but damn! the help were surly."

Posted by: Trimegistus at June 25, 2010 06:11 PM (GTOsU)

43 He's a critic; he deserved a beating.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 25, 2010 06:11 PM (SjXGn)

44 Finally . The media getting the respect they deserve .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at June 25, 2010 06:12 PM (NuAIL)

45

You wanna know how to get Rankins ?They pull a rolling pin, you pull a meat cleaver. He sends one of yours to bus tables, you send one of theirs to wash dishes. That's the Albany way and that's how you're gonna get Rankins.

Posted by: Jim Malone at June 25, 2010 06:12 PM (t72+4)

46 "The food is good but damn! the help were surly."

The help was surly. So I had'em whacked

Posted by: Mr. Language Jamoke at June 25, 2010 06:12 PM (0K3p3)

47 The owner viewed this not as a restaurant review but as an excuse for the paper to run a hit piece. Expecting them at best to review all of the charges against him, he was sending the paper a message not to run a story at all.

They've apparently hounded him (and apparently for very good reason) putting his tax problems on the front page and this happened back in January.

The tax story: http://tinyurl.com/22vmz9o

The assault story: http://tinyurl.com/29nz95a

Posted by: AmishDude at June 25, 2010 06:12 PM (T0NGe)

48 He kept calling the waitress over with one a dem vuvuzela tings. What would you do, smartass?

Posted by: eman at June 25, 2010 06:13 PM (kFytp)

49 I wonder what he would do if you called to complain it was 5 minutes too late?

NOBODY ever calls to complain, and his delivery guy Vito ALWAYS gets $20 tips.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 25, 2010 06:14 PM (AEDFx)

50 Table for two for Amish Guy ! Snap , Snap!

Posted by: Timmy at June 25, 2010 06:15 PM (NuAIL)

"My face is swollen and bloody," Barnes wrote in an account on his blog the next day. "One of my knees, one elbow, one wrist and the back of my head are ailing. Josh (his friend, Joshua Carr) hurts in a variety of places."

All in all I'd give the beating a half a star. The head-but lacked enthusiasm and I found the kidney punches to be lacking in follow through....

Posted by: typing reviews with a pencil in my toes at June 25, 2010 06:15 PM (veaqz)

52 This guy is dripping in sleaze. I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't just cozy with the cops but with some of the legislators who hang around town.

Posted by: AmishDude at June 25, 2010 06:16 PM (T0NGe)

53

It would be interesting to see how Timmy would do in the pizza delivery business. I wonder what he would do if you called to complain it was 5 minutes too late?

Maybe next time I'll have some of my boys drive youz over in the trunk of a car to pick it up instead ?

Howz that sound.

Posted by: Timmy Rankins at June 25, 2010 06:16 PM (t72+4)

54 The private room Mr. Amish ? Please , right this way .

Posted by: Timmy at June 25, 2010 06:18 PM (NuAIL)

55 Editor: "We'd like you to go review the food at this mafia restaurant, the guy we've been pissing off."
Critic: "Uhh, okay."
Editor: "And tell him you're coming."
Critic: "Duuuuuuh..."

PS Not blaming the victim here, the thugs and their boss need nice long jail terms. But I would SO be working on my resume after being handed an assignment like that!

Posted by: Merovign, Strong On His Mountain at June 25, 2010 06:19 PM (bxiXv)

56 Should have carried. Then the headline would have been much cooler. "Restaurant critic attacked by three four hundred pound men hired by restauranteur. Kills two and leave one in critical condition. Gives restaurant two and half stars.

Posted by: cackfinger at June 25, 2010 06:33 PM (TUBcJ)

Remember the guy who wrote a book about Evil Knievel. He shouldn't hada wrote that bad stuff about Evil cause Evil didn't play that shit. The funny part was when Evil went to work release he used to get picked up in a limo and would give his jail buddies a ride to work.lol .http://tinyurl.com/2cuco5

Posted by: sonnyspats at June 25, 2010 06:50 PM (68tQb)

58 "Two men wearing button-down shirts and gloves set upon the men and began wordlessly throwing punches as the men left the restaurant around 9:30 p.m. Oct. 17, 2008."

Bunk.

Posted by: TXMarko at June 25, 2010 07:03 PM (lj1zi)

59 OTOH, if the review was positive, you know that has to be some amazing grub.

Posted by: epobirs at June 25, 2010 11:25 PM (fovfD)

60
27
(actor of your choice) in...

My Dinner With Andre the Giant: Cage Match II

Posted by: Golem14 at June 26, 2010 04:05 AM (2X8VA)

61 Unemployment being what it is in the old media, I bet the paper got people applying for the food critic's job.

Posted by: MarkD at June 26, 2010 04:49 AM (YhZfg)

62 After the beatdown, the restauranteur can ask the guy, "All things considered, how was the meal?"

Posted by: FireHorse at June 26, 2010 06:25 AM (cQyWA)

63 I think we've found Rahm's replacement.

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at June 26, 2010 08:57 AM (T5BMZ)

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