1
hi-ho!

2 Lighten up, Francis.

3 all Retracto needs now is Alysson Hannigan as his side-kick and there's a TV series - sort of a reality-based "Kolchak the Night Stalker" meets "Green Acres"   w/ Alysson Hannigan as the sidekick.

4 Devo retracto

5

Good beat, great melody, funny lyrics, very danceable..

...I give it a B+

Seriously, I listened to it...clever..love the alpaca bleat at the end

6 Retracto the Correction Alpaca forced me to issue this correction by looking at me with them "crazy-eyes."

We need to mate Retracto with the demonsheep.

7

I see a certain ponytailed has been who lives under a van down by the river didn't land the bass player gig. I expect a series of "Raaaaacist" posts and threats to ban people because of this.

 

Thus, I like it even more

8 Kinda retarded, needed more f-bombs.

9 Eddiebear needs to put his own personal spin on the song.

10 Domo arigato, Mr. Retracto.

11

Who is this Retracto you speak of?

12 Dude stole my gig.

13 I give it a 6. Nice vocals, not enough profanity.

14 It was that, when you go over 100K you get tagged at 25% that made me cringe.

Like make 99K tax burden 9.9K
Make 101K tax burden 25.25K

That's like OUCH! and much more burden than I carry for income taxes with deductions. So I guess I would still be using the old system.

15 Ryan good
Obama bad
Ace funny
Gibbs retarded

Palin hot and honest and authentic, but that's Another Story Altogether.....

How can you tell an alpaca from a llama?

16

Queef Olberdouche actually had his girlfriend on the show last night.

Check her out...nice lips

..looks like she gets a real workout from Queef

17

14

Uh.  I haven't actually, you know, read it, but wouldn't the first 99k be taxed at 10%?  And the excess taxed at 25%?

18 again, you don't understand marginal rates. 25% is paid on each marginal dollar beyond 100,000. if you make 101,000 you would pay 10,250 in taxes, not 25,000. You pay 10% on the first 100,000 and 25% on the thousand beyond 100,000. seriously, you guys have to get this straight because I hear this a lot, and this is pretty basic, and if you say this with liberals they are going to have your lunch for it.

19 So I get the Ace O' Spades seal of approval then.

20 So, under his plan, I now have to wait an extra 2 years to receive my check for exactly nothing?

I can live with that.

21 Dude stole my gig.

Posted by: Sexual Harassment Panda at February 09, 2010 03:40 PM (1fanL)

Fuck you both.

22 Hey Ace, how's the electric cigarette going?

23 >>if you make 101,000 you would pay 10,250 in taxes, not 25,000. You pay 10% on the first 100,000 and 25% on the thousand beyond 100,000.

Unless you're a democrat, then you only pay taxes when you're nominated for an executive branch position.

24 Ace, how about a post on John Brennan?

25 the sad part is, when FUBAR is ready to retire in 2025, his income will be $1,000,000 per year. After taxes, inflation and mandatory medical insurance, it'll spend like $1.98.

26 Hey I understand marginal rates just fine. Nothing in the post said anything about marginal income greater than 100K just incomes greater than 100K. Different sentence different meaning. I thought and I hoped he meant the former. But the whole thing had a very flat tax feel, so without that reassuring word I thought the latter. The literal meaning of what he said, was flat tax. If he wanted to imply marginal without saying it he should have dropped the erudite plural form of income (incomes) and said income greater than 100k would be taxed at 25% instead of incomes greater than 100K would be taxed at 25%.

27 Insert obligatory Monty Python "llama" reference here.

28

Aren't alpacas just four-legged Ewoks?

29

Dr Spank:

 

Sorry. I don't want to have ace lose his ad revenue by my "personal" spin on the song. But a lotsa F Bombs and Korean knifey references would ensue.

30 We need to mate Retracto with the demonsheep.

That is spider clown wrong. 

31 seriously, you guys have to get this straight because I hear this a lot, and this is pretty basic, and if you say this with liberals they are going to have your lunch for it.

Bullshit.  Those pussies don't eat bacon.

32

That is spider clown wrong.

I may never sleep again.

33 I sure wish I knew where to find a replica watch.

34

How can you tell an alpaca from a llama?

Five inches.

35

alpacas are actually not very friendly.

 

Don't ask me how I know

36

alpacas are actually not very friendly.

 

Don't ask me how I know

Posted by: eddiebear at February 09, 2010 04:01 PM (wnU1W)

Sugar cubes.

Don't ask me how I know.

37 Means testing discourages savings, as does the estate tax.  It also means that all your contributions to Social security and medicare are confiscated y the government for the benefit of someone else, who may turn out to have been a dumbfuck who pissed all his money away at the casino.  Means testing will never work.

38 Alpacas just kind of lay there.

39 More cowbell!

40 Means testing will never work.

Posted by: dan in michigan at February 09, 2010 04:04 PM (wginH)

So you are saying it's a perfect solution for the politicians.

41

Paul Ryan's plan is the typical BS commie-lite program favored by all the Republican squishes.

How about this Mr. Ryan - quit spending damn money. That will balance the budget.

42 Posted by: Dramatic Squirrel at February 09, 2010 03:48 PM (5Xf3c) Mate, you just had a spot in a superbowl commercial. Bugger off.

43 38 Alpacas just kind of lay there.

Posted by: sifty at February 09, 2010 04:05 PM (d3PgX)

Aren't you going to tell us not to ask you how you know that?

44 The alpaca haz a dress with no sleeves....

45

You morons need to go to RedStateUpdate & see their latest vid about the John Edwards sex tape.  It's hilarious.  NSFW language.

http://tinyurl.com/ya5bz66

46 All this talk of llamas and alpacas and sheep and pandas is making me horny.  Do they have ginormous mammaries?

47 Wait...spider clown!?!

Are you kidding me?

48 Lets be honest, alpacas are dirty whores who are asking for it. It had to be said.

49 My correction alpaca has no nose.

50

The unfriendliest of all barnyard animals, hands down, is Shetland Ponies.

Don't ask don't tell...

51 Sheep lie.

52 Hey ACE, talking about Scandi prisons, watch this: http://www.nrk.no/nyheter/distrikt/ostfold/1.6986370

53 Goats never pick-up a check, even on the 1st date. And they lie right to your face when you ask where they've been all night. And don't even get me started on their hygiene issues. Hey goats, ever heard of a razor?

54 Fuckin' cloven-hooved, mountain-dwelling fucks.

55

http://tinyurl.com/yb6tetf

“We are treated as though we are children,” says the head of a large organisation that raised millions of dollars for Mr Obama’s campaign. “Our advice is never sought. We are only told: ‘This is the message, please get it out.

 

The same can be observed in foreign policy. On Mr ObamaÂ’s November trip to China, members of the cabinet such as the Nobel prizewinning Stephen Chu, energy secretary, were left cooling their heels while Mr Gibbs, Mr Axelrod and Ms Jarrett were constantly at the presidentÂ’s side.

But, as journalists were keenly aware, none of Mr Obama’s inner circle had any background in China. “We were about 40 vans down in the motorcade and got barely any time with the president,” says a senior official with extensive knowledge of the region. “It was like the Obama campaign was visiting China.”

56 spiderclowns. like the bad guy in king's IT. an evil child eating clown that is in actuality a giant spider demon thing

57 Alpacas just kind of lay there.

Yep.

58 The chick who does the lead vocals on the Retracto song has that cute-hot/nerdy look...with glasses!!

59

My correction alpaca has no nose.

How does it smell???

60
speaking of nerdy chicks who sing and wear nerdy glasses...

Remember LISA LOBE?

61 It also means that all your contributions to Social security and medicare are confiscated y the government for the benefit of someone else, who may turn out to have been a dumbfuck who pissed all his money away at the casino.


...how's that different from what's happening today, exactly?

62

Remember LISA LOBE

Actually it's Loeb...and yes..call me weird, but she's my idea of fucking hot!!

63 Bad part about those cute/hot/nerdy types is sometimes they are hiding armpit afros under that chic black t-shirt.

64

I heard that chickens are easy.

65 Vic @ 41 - you've won my heart.

66 Out, dammned sock.

67

Ace - Fem Hobo Slayer, and Scourge of the Low Hanging Fruit.

68

O/T but got to get this off my furry alpacas: 

The Moral Majority is neither.

This is the moonbat bumpersticker I saw on the way home last night. My first thought was that this whack-job has obviously never been here. Second, was if she thought indentured slavery thru the nanny state was moral. Third...has this bitch ever traveled outta of the NY/NJ tri-state area and talked to any one other than fellow moonbats. And finally, If I run her off the road into a ditch, how many years will I get. 

eeesh... hope i don't see her tonight.

thats all...back to the Llama lovin.

thank you

 

69 Speaking of fucking animals:  http://tinyurl.com/ybn52b4
What are they up to?

70

you've won my heart.

Thanks

71

Actually it's Loeb...

Posted by: beedubya Retardo the Correction Chimp

===========================

oh, okay, thanks

72
a lotta fags used to drive around with a The Reiligious Right Is Neither bumper sticker. Haven't seen one in about 9 year, though.

73

69 Speaking of fucking animals:

"Just had to stand here on the crate..."

 

74

Posted by: beedubya Retardo the Correction Chimp

 

B+

75 If you eliminated all non-defense discretionary spending in the budget, it still would not be balanced.

76
OT: Pelosi and Reid are trying to piss away another $80bil to the dem slushfund, btw.

77 ...lest the Ichthyologists get jealous...

78 Herr,  preparation for more Embassy take-overs? by Ahmadinejad  and crew?

79 Paul Ryan's plan is the typical BS commie-lite program favored by all the Republican squishes. Posted by: Vic


I'm reading through the summary. What part is Communist?

80
preparation for more Embassy take-overs? by Ahmadinejad  and crew?


Hmm, reenacting the 'revolution' again by taking over some embassies on the 11th?  Sounds like something rational nation-states do.

81 76
a mere pittance for this mob!

82 Dang, o-hell where's Carter when we need em  (total satire) i guess Obama will do as well

83

I think we could eliminate this entire conversation if we created voter more restrictions. Yes I said it. Anyhoo, some sample questions:

1. Do you believe any one candidate can pay your gas and/or mortgage?

yes/no

2. Have you filed a tax return in the past three years?

yes/no

3. Do you plan your vacations around attending Comic Con?

yes/no

If you answer yes, no, and yes, from any of those questions, you're disqualified from casting the vote.

Easy peasy.

84 The girls get shirts!!!


Retraction: The GUYS get shirts! Don't make a maniac out of me.

85

I'm reading through the summary. What part is Communist?

It is basically a tax increase and turns SS into another welfare program.

86 Since odumbass plans is to model us after a 3rd world country, when will we have our 1st coup de etat?

87
Hmm, reenacting the 'revolution' again by taking over some embassies on the 11th?  Sounds like something rational nation-states do.

Posted by: Dang Straights at February 09, 2010 04:44 PM (fx8sm)

I've heard rumors that the UK embassy is on the agenda.

Given the recent machinations by the various powers in the region, the desperate state of the mullahs, the nuclear question, and everything else, I think the regime is looking for a galvanizing event to consolidate power.

That and they're batshit, fullbore, weapons-grade squirrel bait.

88

41 Paul Ryan's plan is the typical BS commie-lite program favored by all the Republican squishes.

How about this Mr. Ryan - quit spending damn money. That will balance the budget. - --Vic

Cry for help in a world gone mad!

89 Just be glad you didn't arouse the wrath of Syntacto, the Giant Grammar Squid.

90

BTW - Dig'n the neu hash!

_{(Slayer - fn '85!!!)}

91 Since odumbass plans is to model us after a 3rd world country, when will we have our 1st coup de etat?

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at February 09, 2010 04:47 PM (WeDcz)

November 8, 2008.

92 Wrong thread fail, frick!

93 Just be glad you didn't arouse the wrath of Syntacto, the Giant Grammar Squid.

Posted by: George Orwell at February 09, 2010 04:48 PM (AZGON)

Fuck him.

94

75

The effing boomers are our public sector unions.  Vote themselves huge unsustainable bennies, and screw everyone else.

95 Wrong thread fail, frick!

HA HA!

96

83

Addendum:

Have you had Tater Tot in the last 48 hrs.?

97

Somebody had a 'dh/cp' hash this morning.  I lulz'd.

98

Have you had Tater Tot in the last 48 hrs.?

Posted by: garrett at February 09, 2010 04:51 PM (EFn85)

Leave my family out of it.

99 I think dinnerfarkhead is going to release a sex tape of him, odumbass and gibbs in a threesome on Thur.

100

Herr, I didn't see you outside my house shoveling. *taps foot*

That's okay. We have another round starting up in about an hour so I'll see in a few. I've got beer.

101 Beware the baleful eye of Brian, the Dennehymon, jealous god of Bandwidth.

102 Breaking: SEIU thug Craig Becker's confirmation to the NLRB failed to receive a cloture vote per FNC.

103

Have you had Tater Tot in the last 48 hrs.?

What are you talking about? Tater tots are awesome. Gaaawwwwd.

104

 Wrong thread fail, frick!

 Whore!

105

Napoleon Dynamite, drawin' ligers

That makes a total of 13 refs to this movie in the past 72 hrs. for me.  Friends, morons, famiy... I have no idea what this move is or is about...

106 100 lacey,

Glad you have beer, stop shoveling that crap until it's done, I learned that through 5 winters in Chicago. I have to wait another hour before I make one of my famous beer runs, which usually ends up in more food than I need or can eat.

107 102 Craig Becker invokes Michael Dukakto, mighty god of Fail.

108

laceyunderalls at February 09, 2010 04:52 PM (Ywp/O)

"come shovel my snow" - is that what the kids are calling it these days?  I used to call it "bumping uglies."

Now: "shoving a marshmallow into a coin slot."

109 It is basically a tax increase and turns SS into another welfare program. Posted by: Vic Posted by: Vic

What increase in taxes?
- Current Code Taxpayers. Those choosing the current code will pay their income taxes with existing tax forms, the current set of exemptions, exclusions, deductions, and credits; but the alternative minimum tax [AMT] is eliminated.

Or

- Individuals Choosing Simplified Tax. The new Simplified Tax broadens the tax base by clearing out nearly all of the existing tax deductions and credits, compresses the tax schedule down to two low rates, and retains a generous standard deduction and personal exemption.

If you choose the current code, your tax won't change.

110

105 What??

Netflix is your friend.

Vote for Summer!

111

Oh, great!  So now that I have paid my taxes for 45 or 50 years to support these as non-means-tested programs, Ryan proposes to make them mean-tested programs like welfare, which means that I will get...

nothing.

I would be more upset about a Republican proposing such a monumentally stupid idea except that it is such an obvious non-starter.

112

106  Yeah, I stocked up last Thursday before it hit. I haven't driven my car in five days. Goin' a tad bit batty at this point. Got the beer in case I could entice my neighbor to shovel and hit the ATM to get some scratch in case one of the neighborhood kids wanted too tackle it for me!

113 Since we're in a "retracto" thread, I must sheepishly admit (okay, I don't really care) that I did not clean up my PC yesterday.

I haven't even dumped my cache. Or cached my dump. My history goes back seven days or more, and you can still see the stupid favicon of huffington post (due to some right-side blogger not being sanitary when providing links).

I have blurry photos on my hard drive of my feet, taken when trying to adjust my camera six years ago.  I have documents saved that I will never read.

I don't care anymore.  Obama's gonna fix everything, and all I need to do is write down a few important items.  Somewhere I won't miss them.  Maybe on my leg.

It's all because I don't travel in a segway with teleprompter on-board, telling me where to find my ass.

When I'm in charge, things will be different.

114 which means that I will get...

nothing.

Posted by: cool breeze 

beneficiaries with incomes above $200,000 ($400,000 for couples) receive 30 percent.

Look, it ain't perfect, but how much would you expect when the whole thing blows up in 2016? As crazy as it sounds, 30% is greater than nothing.

115

111

That's where you would take a hit for the good of the country.

116 By the way, folks, up here just south of the border (from the Great White North, that is), we are finally getting a major winter storm.

It comes with four inches of fresh snow already on the ground, and it's supposed to last till 10am tomorrow, leaving 8 to 10 more inches.

I'm glad we aren't using millimeters here.

117 Herr, I didn't see you outside my house shoveling. *taps foot*

We got another 4 or 5 today.  Supposed to catch another 3-4 overnight.
Where I live I can see the traffic on I-71.  I ain't driving down there in this shit.

Wait.  Did you say beer?

118

You act like you thought those taxes were going into your personal retirement account.  You didn't, did you?

Then really, you aren't owed anything.

119

Posted by: Iskandar at February 09, 2010 05:00 PM (/o58C)

A simplified tax code, consisting of a two-bracket income tax with a large standard deduction and a business consumption tax, would pay for a means-tested safety net, and a system of tax credits, risk pools and low-income subsidies would underwrite a free (or, well, somewhat freer) market in health care.

You left out the VAT tax which obviously will be passed on to individuals.

120

Lacey, you're clever and resourceful. I like that in a woman,

Do you cook, scrub floors and wash windows?

121 Most of my proposed budget would be for the personnel necessary to turn back any idea that ever crossed the minds of FDR, JFK, and any douchebag that has held office since Reconstruction.

The rest would be a military that can eviscerate China in 45 minutes.

122

Best thing about Valentine's Day????

Pajamagram commercial with that red headed babe taking off her clothes.

123 120 It's not called resourceful--it's called lazy.

124 The rest would be a military that can eviscerate China in 45 minutes.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 09, 2010 05:19 PM

We already have this.

 

125

You left out the VAT tax which obviously will be passed on to individuals.

Posted by: Vic

▫ Business Consumption Tax. Eliminates the current corporate income tax and replaces it with a Business Consumption Tax of 8.5 percent on goods and services.

Can't say I'm a fan of VAT's but you'd have to work out what the difference is between that and our 35% biz tax on profits which are already passed on to the consumer.

Again, the enemy of the good is the perfect.

126

So you're saying that you don't clean bathrooms?

We'll try to remember to put down the toilet seat for you.

127

 Eliminates the current corporate income tax and replaces it with a Business Consumption Tax of 8.5 percent on goods and services.

There is nothing in thast article that says anything about elliminating the current tax or that the VAT is 8.5%,

128

30% is greater than nothing.
Posted by: Iskandar

Totally not buying it, and neither will enough voters like me for it to have a snowball's chance in hell of ever happening.

I know the system is going broke, but fixing it is going to have to involve everyone sharing the pain, not exempting the usual Democratic welfare state demographic.

129 We need a Republican president that thinks like Obama does; one who will confiscate Ted Turner's and Bill Gate's wealth, and use it to pay off the debt.

130 Man, I've made it, big time.
A stupid song I wrote is on my favorite blog.
BTW, Ace, we've met.
BTWBTW, that nerdy chick's my wife. I agree . She's hot.
I'd hit it

131 Don't you wonder if Ted Kennedy and John Murtha had the same screwy doctor?

132 confiscate Ted Turner's and Bill Gate's wealth, and use it to pay off the debt.

Posted by: Open outer doors at February 09, 2010 05:45 PM (ITzbJ)

Liberal democracies give way to dictatorships. Just stand by.

133

I really don't see how conservatives could oppose Ryan's plan.  If the plan were instituted (as a whole), Medicare and Social Security would effectively be transformed from welfare-state monstrosities to personal wealth builders.

His plan to dramatically expand MSA's and to offer vouchers (of around $11,000 a person / sliding scale based on income and medical history) to encourage those 55 and up to purchase their own insurance would be a godsend. 

That, and I really like the idea of taking a third of my Social Security money and putting it in a personal account. 

Of course, I'm not a fat, lazy, degenerate Baby Boomer who expects my children and grandchildren (who are struggling to survive in a  high-tax, low-growth, socialistic economy) to powder my a$$ and pay for my Viagra and Botox.

134

"Liberal democracies give way to dictatorships. Just stand by" - RF

It'll never happen. This isn't a banana republic. Have more faith in your countrymen.

135

There is nothing in that article that says anything about eliminating the current tax or that the VAT is 8.5%,

Posted by: Vic

The plan has it's own website.

TITLE VI: BUSINESS CONSUMPTION TAX

136

Well then, that is a different animal all together.

Makes you wonder why the commies are "praising it".

137

"Best thing about Valentine's Day???? Pajamagram commercial with that red headed babe taking off her clothes."  - Vic

 

But, but, but, Vic, she might be one of those (dare I say it?) -  liberals.  Yikes.

If so, will you boycott Pajamagrams?

138

I know the system is going broke, but fixing it is going to have to involve everyone sharing the pain, not exempting the usual Democratic welfare state demographic.

Posted by: cool breeze

Medicare wise, FICA and SECA are still intact. All wage earners pay one of those. Further, portable and interstate insurance will have dramatic effect in reducing costs all around. In my mind that makes up for the slight increase in the benefits for those at the bottom. And those at the bottom, if we continue with reforms such as welfare reform, will be cycling out of the lower ranks and joining the middle ones as they get back on a career-track.

If the summary is to be believed spreading out the pain is their goal in the 2nd income tax option. Only two rates: 10% up to 50k for single a filer (100k married), and then 25% thereafter. If you're in the top brackets, it looks like a big ass tax cut to me.

139

Makes you wonder why the commies are "praising it".

Posted by: Vic

Because Cool Breeze is right on this point; it'll never make it out of committee.

140 Because Cool Breeze is right on this point; it'll never make it out of committee.

Posted by: Iskandar

Exactly right, and you should rejoice that it is so.  Although I agree with some of the ideas packaged in Ryan's unbelievably sweeping proposal, none of them are worth the slightest further expansion of the welfare state.  Something like 45% of the people in this country pay no federal taxes now and the Democrats are working very hard to get this, their constituency, above 50%.

At which point it is ballgame - Democrats and welfare state socialism rule forever.

The last thing we need is a Republican proposing something like this to get them over the tipping point.  Paul Ryan's proposal is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

141 Dear Gary Eaton-
You need to record an entire counter counter culture CD. Love Retracto.

142 I have an incandescent loathing for "means testing" SSI.
Scenario 1:  Responsible Robert begins saving in his IRA as soon as he gets his first job.  As he makes more over the years, he always "pays himself first" and maxes out the contributions.  He keeps his cars for 7 or 8 years, buys a house of reasonable size, enjoys life but doesn't live beyond his means by way of massive home equity loans and credit card debt.  This means he doesn't have his co-worker Party Girl Patty's $50,000 boat, $75,000 RV, and vacations at Club Med, but he retires with a fat IRA and even more savings outside of it.
Scenario 2:  Party Girl Patty starts her work career by blowing every nickle she has every month, and maxing her credit cards as well.  She never puts a penny into an IRA or bothers with her company's 401(k) matching contribution plan.  She has no other investments.  She takes that money and parties!  Woo-hoo!  New leased car every year, the above mentioned toys, a huge McMansion (stripped of equity by ongoing home equity loans), trips to Las Vegas, all the fun stuff.
Now they retire.  Robert is set for a relaxing retirement filled with cruises, vacations, fishing.  Patty has nothing saved, and her house has no equity in it.  She's practically broke.  The government, in its mercy, steps in, means-tests Robert out of his SSI contributions, and gives them all to Patty.
Now, what lesson has been learned here?  How will Robert's son handle his own retirement savings?

(Note: The character of Responsible Robert has nothing to do with me.  Really.  I swear.  It might bias my fucking assessment.)

143 You left out the new tax that they levied on both Responsible Robert and Party Girl Patty to "fund the program".  A tax that will be increasd every year because the "program" is always "going broke".

144 "My Correction Alpaca has no nose.
'How does it smell???'"

It can't smell.  It has no nose.

*ba doomp*

145 @ Elliot - Good idea.
Have I mentioned that this is one of my favorite sites EVER and my head exploded when I saw this goofy song linked here?
I'm in awe of the intertubes