118

You do know cotton mouths are poison don't you?

Yeah, but I was raised on Wild Kingdom.  I knew how to grab a snake.  What you do is, you stay away from the fangs. 

You stay away from the fangs, and you're a-okay.

119

My two kittehs like to perch on the side of the bathtub.  And they are totally transfixed by my pink toenails peeking out of the bubble bath.

Posted by: Jane D'oh

Are you absolutely sure they are transfixed by your pink toenails peeking out of the bubble bath :-)

120 Yeah, but I was raised on Wild Kingdom. I knew how to grab a snake. What you do is, you stay away from the fangs. Don't worry, I saw how to do this on the Tee-Vee!

121 #119  That's right, mate!  Just like sea rays.  Gotta stay clear of that barb!  Crikey!

122 WOW:   "Alvin Greene Shocks South Carolina Democrats with Primary Win, Felony Charge"   Just saw this on another site...Way to go Dems!!!  I am once again just so impressed with your candidate.   /s

123 .22 Snake Shot

.44 Rat Shot. Much friendlier.

124 Sheppard Smith says, "The U.S. doesn't f--king waterboard cats!"

125

I had one get in my pool a few years ago. I dipped him out with a dip net and shot him with a shotgun on the concrete.

Big mistake.

What happened?  Ricochet?

126 Salma Hayek and Helen Thomas are both of Lebanese descent.

So, in another 120 years, Salma will look like Helen.

Thanks for the warning.

127 Yeah, but I was raised on Wild Kingdom. I knew how to grab a snake.

Wild Kingdom taught me that you get some other guy to grab a snake while you relax in a snake-free studio watching the resulting footage.

128 I believe the blond is Maria Bello, not McKormack.

129

You stay away from the fangs, and you're a-okay.

And SERPENTINE!!!

 

130

96 "Oh yeah, baby. Lefty or not, I'd go in so hard that whoever pulled me out would be crowned King of England. "

That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time that I can't share with anyone I know... (and I feel the same way).

 

131 "Look, I hate snakes as much as the next moron..." I love snakes. Been wanting a ball python for years. Roommate refuses to let me keep one in the house. I just don't get the people who keep venomous snakes, though. They're legal in PA. Went to a Reptile show and couldn't keep away from the table selling cobras & gaboon vipers. They were mesmerizing. Creepy little balls of death in tupperware!

132 Did you plug the hole yet Daddy?

133 Miss Hayek certainly did her job like a trooper in Dusk Til Dawn then.

134 My two kittehs like to perch on the side of the bathtub.  And they are totally transfixed by my pink toenails peeking out of the bubble bath.

They're planning to eat you after your stroke.

135 Monty,

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental but DIAMONDS are girl's best friend.

Tiffanys
Cartier
Harry Winston talk to me!

136 Did you know bird shot will bust right through a concrete walkway at close range?

Nope, didn't bust through the concrete or ricochet (at least like a hazard from the shot). It scattered the snake parts all over my wooden fence and the umbrella table about 10 feet down from the snake.

And it stunk bad.

Took me several days to scrub it enough times to get the stains and odor out.

137

Oh sure, no one considers baby goats cute? http://tinyurl.com/2djevps

 

138 BTW, when I was in my teens we used to hunt rattlesnakes using a "Sheppard hook" type pole.

Still didn't grab them by hand. That is just asking for trouble.

139 Chris R, Ah, maybe! Damnit, those two women are virtually identical.

140 Nope, didn't bust through the concrete or ricochet (at least like a hazard from the shot). It scattered the snake parts all over my wooden fence and the umbrella table about 10 feet down from the snake.

And it stunk bad.

Took me several days to scrub it enough times to get the stains and odor out.

Posted by: Vic at June 09, 2010 05:07 PM (6taRI)

--I'm sorry, but I LOLed at that.

141 Salma Hayek clarified that she was Spanish when introduced as Mexican.

I don't blame her one bit for over reacting, being terrorized, and then the horrible embarrassment being caught on MEDIA camera.

Once, a huge nest-egg-robbing rat snake plopped down in front of me as I gazed up to see what the Blue Jays were fighting in a tall crepe myrtle. Freaky enough that the snake was as thick as my wrist and longer than my arm, the total surprise had a diamond pattern on its back.  Slick booger.

142 Payback was Maria Bello.

143

 .22 Snake Shot

.44 Rat Shot. Much friendlier.

 

12 ga. double-00!  Make a statement.

144

Nope, didn't bust through the concrete or ricochet (at least like a hazard from the shot). It scattered the snake parts all over my wooden fence and the umbrella table about 10 feet down from the snake.

Despite the clean up and smell that had to have been pretty cool.

145 Rattlesnake tastes like BBQ sauce.

146 And it stunk bad. -- Posted by: Vic at June 09, 2010 05:07

So much for the old Westerns, eating roasted rattlesnake around the campfire. I heard it almost tastes like chicken. That must be the catch-all phrase, "it tastes like chicken."

147 7 Didn't she play that Mexican Broad who loved the outdoors and married that architect from NYC? And anyway she is a freaken liberal

Yeah, and she gets out of a floating innertube in the first three minutes of the film.  I put that sequence on a loop.

148 Rattlesnake does taste pretty good.  I don't know about cotton mouths though.

149

So much for the old Westerns, eating roasted rattlesnake around the campfire. I heard it almost tastes like chicken. That must be the catch-all phrase, "it tastes like chicken."

 

I've eaten rattlesnake.  Tastes pretty good.

150 I usually wear old Crocs clogs when I'm doing yardwork. Earlier this week, I was moving some compost when I felt something slithering across my toes. An escaping garter snake had taken a shortcut through the holes in my shoes.

151 We're pretty cute

152 Banking beauty Debrahlee Lorenzana had two boob jobs, wanted to be stacked like Playboy Playmate

153 Before my mom died, I was at her retirement home and heard a fuss in her back yard.  Some blue jays were having a fit over something on the ground.  It was a huge copperhead.

My husband was nicked through his pants leg by a copperhead while doing yard work.  Barely broke the skin, but I carried him to the hospital anyway.  Couple of days later the snake came up the brick walkway towards me as I was going to the mailbox.  It slithered away before I could grab something in the garage to kill it. 

*shudder*

154 Die again, zombie sock.

155 Zombie, that is what nightmares are made of. Nothing's worse than a copperhead in the vicinity and you don't know exactly where it is.

156 OT but I just lost all respect for Fred Thompson when I saw him on TV pimping "reverse mortgages".

157 eating roasted rattlesnake
Diamond Back = Good.
Others no vouch.

158

People like that drive me crazy.

Grow the hell up.

159 I hate snakes with a burning passion.

My stepfather and I recently buried a medium-sized copperhead alive near one of our pine-trees.  At least, I hope we did...

160 So much for the old Westerns, eating roasted rattlesnake around the campfire. I heard it almost tastes like chicken. That must be the catch-all phrase, "it tastes like chicken."

Two points that are different. The water moccasin came out of the water after eating "stuff" from my skimmer all day. He was immediately shredding and scattered.

A rattlesnake grows on dry land and you clean him before cooking him. Cleaning him will get rid of all those "smelly things" inside him.

161 Fred Thompson when I saw him on TV pimping...
Teh Fred = Politician + Actor.

You expected what? Besides if your kids are a bunch of punks, it isn't a bad way to cash in on your assets to supplement your income and make your golden years just that much shinier.

162

You know I read old books and you got all those chicks who just fall over and faint on command. I was always very critical of that. How absurdly tightly wound do you have to be to just keel over and go unconcious when someone says something racy or unexepected.

But if the alternative is climbing on top people.... she should have just fainted.

163 Mindy, I went to Home Depot and nearly bought their entire stock of "Snake Away" pellets.  You start by pouring right up next to the house, and every few weeks move the perimeter out a few more feet.  Presto.  No snakes in the yard.  (But I haven't done it in a couple of years now....)

164

I hate snakes with a burning passion.

That's stupid and irrational, but your business and I don't care.

So long as you don't shriek like a 4 year old and climb on top me screaming 'Halp! Halp!'.

Cuz then I'll feed you to do the damn thing.

165 Help me!

I'm Salma Hayek and I'm trapped!

166 How absurdly tightly wound do you have to be

Corset + Excitement = nap time.

167 Kratos, you are aware, aren't you, that copperheads burrow in the ground?  And now that snake knows who you are and where you live.  Nothing like an angry copperhead with revenge in its tiny brain.  Heh.

168 Get these mean snakes away from me!

I'm Salma Hayek!

169 "Do snakes have asses?" They have a dick-anus, I know that. Or a vaganus. Kick that.

170 They have a dick-anus, I know that. Or a vaganus. Kick that.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 09, 2010 05:43 PM (wd0Iq)

--Hmmmmm, is this condition common with people too?

171 They have a dick-anus, I know that.  Or a vaganus. 

172 168I hate snakes with a burning passion.

That's stupid and irrational, but your business and I don't care.

I wouldn't say it's any more "stupid and irrational" than say being afraid of spiders.

But I wouldn't jump up on you, just run like hell.

173 I'm all Cloaca, Baby!

174 I don't like snakes but am not freaked out by them.

Rats/mice?

I'm on a chair,screaming.

There was an episode of Crocodile Hunter where the wife was in a barn and what seemed like a million rats fell out of somewhere on top of her and she was buried. I freaked out and couldn't watch it after a while.

175

hey employed morons,

is it 'diversity days' at your workplace?

176 Fucking snakes.

177 "I wouldn't say it's any more "stupid and irrational" than say being afraid of spiders."

That's ridiculous.  Spiders are evil incarnate.  Snakes are just memberless animals going about their business.  You cannot equate the two.

178 171 Kratos, you are aware, aren't you, that copperheads burrow in the ground?  And now that snake knows who you are and where you live.  Nothing like an angry copperhead with revenge in its tiny brain.  Heh.

Oh thanks for that info, Mrs. D'oh.  Next time, I'll use the Blade of Olympus on it.

/Wasn't me, it was my stepfather that did the actual burying, natch.

179

_{Spiders are evil incarnate.} 

Not to mention that they are all out to get me!!!!

180 I hate snakes...I go all kinds of crazy when I see one....and if that snake was as big as they described it at the end of the video....you would have had to cart me off to the looney bin.

181 If I hear anymore of this snake hatin' I'm gonna kick someone's ass.

182 I ran over and killed a harmless glass snake in the driveway a few years ago.  I didn't see it until I returned home.  They're really just legless lizards, and kind of pretty.  I felt terrible (I love lizards, and constantly rescue them from the kittehs in the screened porch).

183 "Snakes are just memberless animals" Do Not tell Larry.

184 167 Mindy, I went to Home Depot and nearly bought their entire stock of "Snake Away" pellets.  You start by pouring right up next to the house, and every few weeks move the perimeter out a few more feet.  Presto.  No snakes in the yard.  (But I haven't done it in a couple of years now....)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 09, 2010 05:39 PM (UOM4

and you'll regret taking those two years off...

185 I'm tired of these motherfuckin' snakes...

186 It Was Acting! Genius!

187

Why would you hire one of the Village People to work on your property?

Chances are, one of 'em's gotta be a good interior decorator.

188 Http://tinyurl.com/Salma1

189 Snake is good, but it gives me gas.

190

I don't like snakes but am not freaked out by them.

I feel the same way about clowns.

Hell, whatamisaying? I love clowns because of the power they have to instill fear into people.

191

You expected what? Besides if your kids are a bunch of punks, it isn't a bad way to cash in on your assets to supplement your income and make your golden years just that much shinier.

 

And it's not like you're trying to get something for nothing.  It's not like grunting like the pigs at the government trough.

192 Jane, what happens if a snake gets trapped inside the perimeter of the Snake Away pellets?

193

_{Snake is good, but it gives me gas.}

I've eaten miles and miles of the things.

The trick is to stretch out your 'O' ring so there's no audible evidence of the gas.

194

I feel the same way about clowns.

Hell, whatamisaying? I love clowns because of the power they have to instill fear into people.

Cut. Jib. Newsletter.

195 http://tinyurl.com/Salma3

196 eek. a snake

197 lol #199, "Latin goddess" Salma Hayek of European/Lebanese descent

198 Mindy, the stuff lasts for a couple or so months on the ground, and I guess once you get out as far into your yard you want to go, you just start over.  I haven't seen a snake in the yard for a while.

Now if I could just do something about the damned deer, without going to jail.

199

I wouldn't say it's any more "stupid and irrational" than say being afraid of spiders.

No... I wouldn't say so either.

But hell, unless they get directly in my way I try not to kill spiders. Sometimes I pick them up and move them to the other side of the room and let em go again.

Spiders do not go where there is not food. If you see a spider in your home, you have OTHER bugs in your home. If you do not see other bugs.... it is because the spider ate them. Unlike most spiders which are very timid and afraid of anything bigger than your thumbnail, these other bugs will bite you and/or eat your stuff.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

They're really very delicate and graceful little things. If you ever hold a tarantula, it's more like holding and petting a mouse than a bug. Very furry and very soft. And mostly docile.

200 "Spiders do not go where there is not food. If you see a spider in your home, you have OTHER bugs in your home. If you do not see other bugs.... it is because the spider ate them."

But once they've eaten all the other bugs, they're coming after you.

201

They're really very delicate and graceful little things. If you ever hold a tarantula, it's more like holding and petting a mouse than a bug. Very furry and very soft. And mostly docile.

 

(shudder!!)  (shudder!)

202 But once they've eaten all the other bugs, they're coming after you.

I own 3 Tarantulas. People fear their size. I remind them that while much larger than familiar spiders, they are still only about the size of a small hamster, and they generally have an agreeable disposition. But then there are these 1/2 inch fangs they sport.

203 The kitty getting a drink is RedEye worthy. I expect to see it soon.

204 That what happens when you play Barry White around cats and dogs.

205

they're coming after you.

No, they don't. Spiders (of almost any sort) almost never bite people for any other reason then self defense.

No spider of any sort eats human flesh. They can't.

They won't intentionally come anywhere near you. If they're aware of you.

The whole problem is they're so small, I think they don't always register your huge mountainous ass as a creature right away.

206 "Spiders (of almost any sort) almost never bite people for any other reason then self defense."

Tell that to my buddies with permanent recluse scars suffered while sleeping.  These creatures are Satan's minions.

207

Spiders do not go where there is not food. If you see a spider in your home, you have OTHER bugs in your home. If you do not see other bugs.... it is because the spider ate them. Unlike most spiders which are very timid and afraid of anything bigger than your thumbnail, these other bugs will bite you and/or eat your stuff.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Exactly.

Of course I don't live in a location which has black widows or giant steam-powered mechanical spiders, which might alter my outlook somewhat.

208 Friggin' italicizing fail.

209

But then there are these 1/2 inch fangs they sport.

Meh. What's there to loose? If you're healthy, and not allergic to odd things, not a small child or a very old person, a tarantula bite will not kill you or harm you in any very serious way. They're not nearly quite as venomous as people imagine them to be based on their size.

If you do get bit (which you probably won't) it's like a bad flu. So why let fear own you?

Also, if you do piss them off, they tend toward other defenses first. So long as you dont try to squish it, before it bites it will start rubbing it's back legs together and create a cloud of tiny hairs. If these things get (en masse) into your eyes or nose it will be very irritating. So obviously do not try to freebase the spider.

IF it starts doing that, you're upsetting it, perhaps put it down, or at least stop poking it. Else, you're cool. It's no big deal. These are not creatures that are itching to start fights with something 100x their size.

210

AoSHQ is always so full of informative information.  What would I do without tidbits like this?

"do not try to freebase the spider"

211 Salma Hayek never looked sexier than playing that unibrowed Mexican commie artist . . . oh my!

212 someone I know just got bit by a brown recluse, and, thanks to the necrotizing poison which continued pre-digesting the flesh around the wound, a half-dollar sized hole opened up in her and she needed surgery. Apparently a wound shaped in a circle cannot heal; you need to cut around it to make it a slit, and then stitch the ends together. And the person got bit for reaching into a dark place in the garage. I don't know what you "spider-apologists" are trying to do here but this is an anti-spider blog and I'll ban people for claiming that spiders have "root causes" for their behavior.

213 Hey Entropy, how about you stop importing animals from other continents for no other reason than to fuel your own egotism.  We don't need tarantulas, we don't want tarantulas, and if you have a problem with that go move to a place where tarantulas are commonplace.  Stop fucking with a million years of evolution and deal with the realities of places where jungle spiders abound.

214 they're no joke. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_recluse I don't reach into dark places anymore.

215 Triumph the Insult Comic Dog dissed a Star Wars geek by asking: "Who's at home taking care of your pet ferret and/or tarantula?" Dudes, get a dog.

216

Tell that to my buddies with permanent recluse scars suffered while sleeping. 

I don't reach into dark places anymore.

If you see a brown recluse, go ahead and squish it. They're the only venomous spider around the midwest and I would too. Because they're so venomous.

But that has nothing to do with wolf spiders or orb weavers or cellar spiders.

That's when you're most likely to be bit, by FAR. Sleeping or putting on shoes or clothes. And you can't squish them while your sleeping anyway. It does no good to squish them while you're awake when they aren't a threat.

Oh,.... you thought you only had the ones you could see? Heh. No. There's more and you really can't get rid of them anyway.

But when your sleeping, they may crawl onto the bed, or onto you, not realizing you're there or what you are. Then you role over or something, or scratch, and you squish them so they bite.

It's like bees. Or are you people scared of bees too? Bees only sting in self defense. Don't swat at them and they won't sting.

Swat slowly, brush really. Enough motion to let them know you're not an epic giant flower, but not to try to punch them out of the sky.

If you stay away from the spiders they'll stay away from you. The only time hardly anyone is ever bit is when the two accidentally collide, like he's hanging out in your shoe and you go to put your foot in, or you roll over in bed on top one.

You see one sitting on your wall hanging out, it's no threat there.

217 You know what's cool? A snake that's just eaten a rat while spiders crawl all over it.

218 Entropy, a dog just emailed me to say "I need a master and I'm willing, nay, eager to fetch a stick."

219

Hey Entropy, how about you stop importing animals from other continents for no other reason than to fuel your own egotism. 

I have no idea what that means but it makes me want to import random animals from the Congo and let them go in my back yard.

220 >>>If you stay away from the spiders they'll stay away from you. The only time hardly anyone is ever bit is when the two accidentally collide, like he's hanging out in your shoe and you go to put your foot in, or you roll over in bed on top one. Entropy, seriously? Yes, fine, they have no intellectual malice towards us. But this is the problem -- they crawl into warm dry dark places where humans put hands and feet. You sound like a lunatic.

221 I really don't feel like being on the lookout for venomous spiders and making sure that *I* don't intrude into *their* world.

222 I'm so glad I don't live in brown recluse or hobo spider country. I couldn't deal. I lived in an apartment in NC for several months with hundreds of baby wolf spiders. Not a damn thing the exterminator could do. When I moved out there were countless squish marks all along my ceiling. Was terrified I'd smuggle some back to PA with me.

223

Entropy, a dog just emailed me to say "I need a master and I'm willing, nay, eager to fetch a stick."

Hey, I've got a boxer and a scottish highlands collie, and no tarantulas or snakes.

I'm just anti-spaz out.

Rats, mice, spiders, snakes, butterflies, whatever (some people do it to everything).

Most of these fears - ok, if it's a 26' anaconda spaz out - but most of them, are just absurd. And based in nothing but wilfull ignorance.

I do not understand why it so godawfully acceptable to spaz out and throw a toddler tantrum with nutso behavior for no real good reason other than because you feel like it.

And alot of people aren't even embarassed about it.

WTF?

224 "are you people scared of bees too?"

I would be less scared of bees if certain individuals hadn't imported aggressive breeds from the savage continent.

225 Hey Entropy, how about you stop importing animals from other continents for no other reason than to fuel your own egotism.

I thought tarantulas were indigenous to all continents. But I do agree, spiders are shit and need to be squashed on sight.

The problem with spiders is that it is a lot easier to "accidentally" threaten them. 

Also on that same score I read an article in one of the local papers last summer where we now have brown widow and red widow spiders now coming up from the South of our country along with the other vermin.

Supposedly the red widow is even more poisonous than the black widow.  

226 Spiders are cool except for the brown recluse. We had wood-shingled roofs with hot attics, and those are incubation chambers for the recluse. Regular fumigation was a must. Nasty little buggers without any visually redeeming characteristic that would inspire one to keep them as a pet.

Tarantulas, however... awesome.

227

If you actually have a brown recluse in your shoe, go ahead and spaz out and throw random furniture across the room at it and shout "Somebody do something!" while you climb on top a dresser.

But if it's an utterly harmless daddy-long-legs just chillin on your ceiling, which, let's be frank, is 99.9999999% of the cases we're talking about, lay off the goddamn sugar and act like an adult.

228 Well, Entropy, seriously, I know someone who in the last 60 days got bitten on the forearm by a brown recluse as this person was reaching for a watering-can and was in the emergency room to have an even larger portion of arm-meat carved out. You call it a "spaz-out." I call that a serious concern. Yeah, it's rare. So is getting crushed by a train at a crossing but I'm still careful at them.

229

I would be less scared of bees if certain individuals hadn't imported aggressive breeds from the savage continent.

So... you see a honey bee, and automatically think it's the vangaurd of an africanized killer bee colony?

And where do you live by the way?

230 Uh-huh, because I'm Joe Spider-Identifier. I do that Rambo shit like when the snake comes down off the tree and I grab it by the neck and look into its eyes and am able to tell it's non-venomous so I just push it away.

231 I seriously have an interest in boning up on spider-identification just so I know which spiders I should let live.

232 "But if it's an utterly harmless daddy-long-legs just chillin on your ceiling, which, let's be frank, is 99.9999999% of the cases we're talking about, lay off the goddamn sugar and act like an adult."

Thanks, Entropy.  That makes your contribution to the New World introduced species problem much more acceptable.  Only a psycho would think that bringing African jungle spiders to America could potentially cause problems.

233

was in the emergency room to have an even larger portion of arm-meat carved out.

If that happens to you, you get a pass. Go ahead and stand on top a stool and throw pillows around due to personal experience with unfortunate trauma.

You know that's never happened to Salma Hayek though.

And for her, that fear is about as rational and serious and likely as... well, getting hit by a train or a drunk driver. Or less so.

Do you look both ways when you cross the tracks? Sure.

Do you jump out of the drivers seat into your passengers lap and scream "OMG OMG OMG DO SOMETHING!" if you see a freight train 4 blocks down?

234 If you live north of the mason-dixon & east of Ohio, you really only have to worry about black widows. And they can't walk up and bite you, you literally have to push their fangs into your skin (or stick your foot in a sock)

235 Look at this fox speaking in some alien code.

236 Dang, that Boston Terrier is a cute dog.

237 Love bees, too. I grow plants to encourage them, but do be cautious around those Africanized suckers. They will attack at the slightest provocation.

Some years ago, I was weed-eating a fenceline and went past a small hole about a silver dollar's width. The wind from the cutting line alarmed its inhabitants and about 15 seconds later, there were about a dozen bees flooding out of the hole. At least that's when I stopped counting, dropped my trimmer, and hauled ass. They chased me over 150 feet and one stung me through my heavy cotton shirt.

The report that they're rather aggressive? Yeah, that's no rumor. They're extremely aggressive.

238

Thanks, Entropy.  That makes your contribution to the New World introduced species problem much more acceptable. 

I still have no idea what you're talking about.

I seriously have an interest in boning up on spider-identification just so I know which spiders I should let live.

In Chicago, we have precisely 1 species of poisonous snake (copperhead) and 1 species of poisonous spider (recluse).

Anything that's not one of them, won't kill you.

Anything that IS them, WILL kill you, so yeah, I'm going to freak out and throw things at it. Because it IS deadly.

So yeah... personally I really advuse you should bone up on the venomous bite identification so you know when you see one that will actually floor your ass dead and take caution.

Having 2 deadly poisonous animals in this area, I am very interested in knowing what they look like and how to identify them.

Or you can be deathly afraid of objectively harmless garter snakes.... I guess... if that's what you want to do.

239

Maria Bello played the horse rancher's wife to Tim McGraw in 2006's remake of the movie "Flicka".  Was a scene where she picked up a snake out of her veggie garden, called it by the name she'd given it, and gave it a kiss before placing it gently back in the garden.

If she's fearful of snakes they prob. had to pay her extra for that scene.

240 "I still have no idea what you're talking about."

As I've made clear before, STOP BRINGING NON-NATIVE SPECIES INTO OUR CONTINENT, DUNCE.

241 And they can't walk up and bite you, you literally have to push their fangs into your skin (or stick your foot in a sock)

The male can not bite you due to small mouth but the female certainly can.

242

I can see that. I had the same reaction when I met Helen Thomas.

 

Ba-Dum..Ting.

243

Off topic, on a point of intellectual interest for a moment:

New World introduced species problem

I've never introduced any imported animal to anything. But...

The only problem with introducing new species to the New World is when you introduce the wrong ones.

People created Africanized killer bees because they were TRYING to create a bee that would produce more honey easier, and then would have been a good thing. But people make dumb mistakes.

They weren't trying to create a plague when they imported the Chinese ladybugs, they just did.

If your position is that because some people occaisionally screw up, we should never transport any species out of it's native inhabitat...

Then I guess you want to send all the cows and horses back to Europe? Not a big beef guy eh? And also all the dog breeds besides Alaskan Malamutes, coyotes and wolves? And cats. And sheep... and domesticated pigs...

244 The wind from the cutting line alarmed its inhabitants and about 15 seconds later, there were about a dozen bees flooding out of the hole. At least that's when I stopped counting, dropped my trimmer, and hauled ass. They chased me over 150 feet and one stung me through my heavy cotton shirt.

Yellow Jackets will do the same thing.

245

STOP BRINGING NON-NATIVE SPECIES INTO OUR CONTINENT, DUNCE.

STOP FLUSHING MY TOILET JACKASS!

STOP IT!

I CAN HEAR YOU STOP FLUSHING MY TOILET. I HAVE TO PAY THE WATER BILL CUT IT OUT!

Oh wait that wasn't you?

246

We call 'em "fiddlebacks."

247 In Boston, they're called "violin backs," cuz they're all prissy and shit.

248 I like to call them "deadbacks."

249 In Chicago, we have precisely 1 species of poisonous snake (copperhead) and 1 species of poisonous spider (recluse).

Supposedly black widows are in every State in the union.

We here are gifted here though, if a poisonous critter or plant exists in the U.S. we have it in this State. 

250 Well, look, old chap, you're knocking a busty sexpot because she's not up properly on her Poisonous Species Identification Skills (and while she's traveling to alien lands to promote a movie, so she wouldn't know what the local vemonous species are)... This is so much worse than "I would not hit that; she has sharp knees." That Salma Hayek, afraid of large snakes she can't identify! What a JERK!!!

251 Does the puppy-kitten video count as inter-species porn? Then sign me up.

252 Oh, and the most poisonous and venomous critter in this State is called a "Folks".

Everyone is invited to drop in and squash all the "Will Folkes" here until there are no more.

253 Spitting Cobra Trouser snake or boring snake snake?  I too lazy to read it.

254 They're extremely aggressive.
See? That's what I'm talking about. Africanized gangsta bees know how to act!

255

This is so much worse than "I would not hit that; she has sharp knees."

Dude... she jumped on top of another person and began wailing.

Totally rational. Completely justified. When I see something I am uncertain and unknowledgable of, I climb into strange people's laps and begin to cry like a 6 year old until my entourage comes to carry me home and tuck me into bed.

The chick was acting like she was 7.

Would I hit it? Yes.

Would I date it? Hell no.

256 "but the female certainly can" I don't know, I'm just going by what that South African snake/spider expert said. He said you have to press or push your skin into the fangs, which is why most people get bit when putting on socks or sticking their hands in pockets. He was hot, so I believed him.

257 Vic: "Yellow Jackets will do the same thing."

Yeah, I've been chased by those, too, with even less provocation. Just walking by a nest, actually. What was unique about the bees was the distance of the chase. The wasps gave up after about 20 feet. The Africanized bees? I imagine if I had stopped at any point along my escape - whatever the distance - they would've teamed up, called reinforcements, and put me down for the count. Relatively, a hundred and fifty human feet is, like, what in bee feet? The width of Rhode Island?

It's no wonder you read stories about people dying from their attacks. Anyone with an allergy to their venom? Anaphylactic shock would be short-lived.

258

I've had three encounters with water moccasins.  First time, I was trying to get my dog to back off.  I couldn't in time, and when it coiled to strike, I caught it by the back of its head.  (Just like on Wild Kingdom.)  I cut its head off with a shovel.  Second time was the backhoe driver.  (see #102 above).  Third time, it was in the general vicinity of my cat, so I beat it to death against a rock wall--the same retaining wall I mentioned above.  It seems they don't tolerate being slung around and bashed into rock walls very well.  Normally, I wouldn't just kill a snake; they have their place in the ecosystem or whatever the greenies call it.  Killing rats and shit.  But it also seems I have a strong mother-instinct when it comes to my pets. 

War cry for snakes:  "Oh, no, you dint just do that!"

I really hate snakes; I'm just not afraid of them.  For you Indiana Jones types, "hate" = "afraid."  FYI.

259 I like snakes. Generally. I just have an aversion to the ones that will a) inject venom that b) paralyzes me which results in c) my body testing the elastic limits of their digestive system with d) me being aware of it.

That's what makes constrictors more tolerable. I'll be dead when they eat me.

260 I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes

261 Posted by: ray stevens at June 09, 2010 07:37 PM (HtIec)

Did you change your name from Jim Stafford?

262 _um

263 if you have a problem with that go move to a place where tarantulas are commonplace.

West Texas?

264 My cat likes to drink from the faucet like that.He does let it run on his head but only if it is running weak.Turn the water up he gets out.

265 Here's another cat with a weird drinking problem.

266 ZOMG! kitteh

267 Here's another one that's always made me laugh, kitteh is just chillaxin' until he realizes the dude he's strapped to is gonna jump out of the plane and then he's all oh hell's no!

268 Entropy, you wouldn't date Salma Hayek? Because she's afraid of snakes? Like I said: Sharp Knees on steroids.

269 Salma Hayek ain't "all that" in bed. Trust me.

270 Re: the cat You'll note that it is an Abyssinian cat, who are well known for their love of water. They will happily bathe in it, and you can take them into the shower with you (if you are into that sort of thing). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abyssinian_(cat)

271 Please tell me that this bitch is Hayek's , (author of "The Road to Serfdom, the most important book of the 20th century), grand daughter.

272 I may have missed it, but a couple of hundred posts and no mention of when Salma WHIPPED OUT HER TITS AND BREAST FED THE ORPHAN KID? WTH? I decided she was batshit insane then, and kinda decided that I liked her. Now this? I forgive her H'wood found liberalism somewhat now. I would not have just jumped in the chair, but over the railing, praying the whole time it wasn't a hundred foot drop. And I'm not even gay, but her scenes in
Dusk to Dawn? HAWT.

273 that cat is seriously, seriously hung over

274

"Salma Hayek Is Afraid Of Snakes" - Ace. That's Freudian. Betcha she prefers hang out with gays, too.

See, Damian? There's someone with whom you might get a date. Well, probably not. She can't be that hard-up.

275 Besides, you already have that thingy going with bungler, er, bugler boy. That is, when your left hand knows what your right hand is doing.