1 I dated that girl once at a satanic altar

2 give it to me baby

3 What happened to Ace's boyfriend!  He got's no legs.

4 Double post. . .

DRINK!

5

no boobs on that dummy.

disappointing

6 Whaddya call a man with no arms or legs that's sitting in a hole?

7 Well, with the hump, you have to compress from the front and back, so...double post.

8 Whaddya call a guy with no arms or legs that's hanging on a wall?

9 What happened to Ace's boyfriend!  He got's no legs.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth

 

never mind that man! The poor devil's head has gone translucent! And his brain has turned silver. And we all know what that means......

10

A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed have you?"

The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends down and plants a good one right on the mouth.

A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.

He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great one, and walks away.

A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks by. She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks down at him.

"Mister," she says, "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No," he says with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."

11 whaddya call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?

12 I'm experiencing the oddest bit of de ja vu

13 They're performing CPR on Larry's brother, Recovery Summers

14

"rubbing their chest bone hard"

Laura showed this to the other cob loggers this morning and that's why we had no posts for hours...

15

No arms? No Legs? No Problem! IYKWIMAITYD.

 

16 *blush*

Frickin' NoScript. Makes posting a PITA.

Dupe post eliminated.

17 I'm glad they made the CPR dummies smaller now. Those SOBs were actually heavy. maybe because we used the same dummies for fire rescue training and they were designed to be just as heavy as a normal dude.

This actually looks good because the average person could not give the old CPR anyway. Most puke after a few minutes and have to be replaced.

18 This demonstrations work much better with a naked chick...

19

Forgive me for saying so, but that fellow appears to be dead!

20 Speaking of body parts. The fact that NOW is pissed makes it even funnier.

21


Double posting: it's CONTAGIOUS!

22
Dum-Dum, is that you?

23 Got a first aid merit badge in Boy Scouts, never had the change to use it.

24 whoopsie again

25

If yo like your arms and legs...you can keep' em!

 

26 1-2-3-push...

1-2-3-push..

*cough, sputter, cough*

Thank God.  He's breathing again.  But he says he can't feel his legs.

27
This demonstrations work much better with a naked chick...

Posted by: Rocks at September 22, 2010 02:36 PM (Q1lie)

Oh those crazy Brits!  The lady was clearly in distress and needed a taco respiration, but no one volunteered.  They must have been metrosexuals or fags?

28 25 Got a first aid merit badge in Boy Scouts, never had the change to use it.

Posted by: Mark in Spokane at September 22, 2010 02:40 PM (Nmyyl)

Well, you wouldn't want to get out of practice. Come over and try your technique of me!

29 19 This demonstrations work much better with a naked chick...

Posted by: Rocks at September 22, 2010 02:36 PM (Q1lie)

Nice 'landing strip'...

30 Your doing it wrong

31 I liked where they reminded you to leave their shirt on.

32 ...that said, y'all might want to watch this video...

33 I know what it means to go out stumping now.

34 The first lesbian-pedophile I ever met was Resusci Annie. She let me put my mouth all over her face in 3rd Grade. She didn't say much.

35 I'm guessing that post #19 is NSFW?

36 Whaddya call a man with no arms and no legs at your door step?  

Matt

37 37...

Very tame, but still likely NSFW

38 I am at the mall. I think I will try this new knowledge.

39 Wow. As new as this technique is it's already been replaced by supersexycpr.
The only drawback is if your not a hot chick in lingerie you can pretty much kiss your ass goodbye.

40 Whaddya call a woman with one leg?

41 43 Whaddya call a woman with one leg?

Posted by: Eileen at September 22, 2010 02:47 PM (LdYLm)

And if she is from Japan?

42 This demonstrations work much better with a naked chick...

Posted by: Rocks at September 22, 2010 02:36 PM (Q1lie)

LOL, that video NSFW. It did remind me of work though after I had first been hired and they sent me to my first first aid class.

They teamed me up with this nice looking single chick from the office (I was single at the time). They did a number of demos for different things then started on the "pressure points" for controlling bleeding.  

When they got to the one on your upper thigh and we "demonstrated on each other" I got this big boner. I was wearing a pair of light slacks and it was readily apparent.

She started giggling then I started laughing. Then the rest of the class got involved. 

The guys at work started calling the class "boner aid" and management decided it wasn't a good idea to do coed classes.

43 42...

Don't laugh. I guarantee you more men will remember the steps after watching that video that in nearly any other training available.

They will replay it over and over in their minds.

44
Whaddya call a woman with one leg?

Posted by: Eileen at September 22, 2010 02:47 PM (LdYLm)

Easy hump, she can't run away!

45

Suuuure, break out the dummy with no arms and no legs and every body has a smart ass remarked!

  

46
Laura, thanks.  I took an EMT course with son a year ago, passed test, so I am an EMT now.

This is better than nothing, but with out an AED, Automatic External Defibrillator, the odds of someone surviving are REALLY SLIM, 5%.  You're only trying to keep blood moving until the AED arrives.

I was shocked at how low the survival rate  is without the AED.  Make sure your office, club, etc has one.  They are easy to use.

47 The Boss was in a quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it
narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision; they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who
used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after
partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this
before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she said. "I feel like shit."

48 Thanks for this video. 

49 Having said that, sometimes the old fashion way works mo better.

http://tinyurl.com/2vvrerc

50 42...

Actually, that's one of those links that just wasted on a daytime thread. It belongs in the ONT.

51

Fuck a bunch of saving lives. Hell, the Prez says we can absorb mass casualties and just move on. He didn't say shit about saving no lives.

52 Laura..

Thanks so much for this post.  (The best part is not having to do the mouth-to-mouth stuff....;-)

53 44
And if she is from Japan?

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a sauna?

54

Jesus.  Hope I never faint and have a crazed facebook junky who saw this start jumping on my chest and breaking every bone in my body..

I'd rather stick with hoping they were properly certified 

55 CPR on a guy with a gaping hole in his chest? For us Wambaugh fans, that brings back memories of The Choirboys. Some scumbag has a gaping bullet wound in his chest, so the cop starts performing aggressive cpr on the guy. By the time the ambulance arrived, there wasn't an ounce of blood left in the scumbag.

56 Yeah, thanks for the video, laura.

57

Great video. It works. 

A little over 6 years ago I and two friends performed CPR on a close family member of mine and saved his life (along with the EMTs who got there fast with a defibrillator).  I had some out of date first aid training, and one friend had been a swim guard years before.  The other friend called 911, and they connected him with a medic who coached us over the phone -- and the video is pretty much what he had us do for 8 minutes (only with one friend doing occaisional breaths, because we could) until the EMTs got there.  Longest 8 minutes of my life, but the most rewarding.  Now our victim (ahem, patient) has an implanted defibrillator as is living life to the fullest. (And yes, it has zapped him since, and no, they would not give me a remote for it.)