Ace of Spades HQ

April 26, 2010

Senior Iranian cleric disputes CNN claims about earthquake causes
— Purple Avenger

In a competition between retarded explanations for earthquakes, I think we've got a pretty close race here.

..."Many women who do not dress modestly... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media...

The logic and science here are of course unimpeachable, so I'm going with the Iranian cleric over the CNN retard. Still, I suppose there should be a vigorous public debate over the two competing theories...perhaps a duel? SuperSoakers at 5 paces?

[Update]
My crack research staff has just received Sedighi's PhD thesis and are poring over it right now. Apparently it is a groundbreaking analysis related to the buoyancy of witches.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 07:40 AM | Comments (115)
Post contains 137 words, total size 1 kb.

1 That should be SuperSoakers filled with cocoa and shea butter infused baby oil at 5 paces.

Posted by: EC at April 26, 2010 07:43 AM (mAhn3)

2 Well then, shake 'em!

Posted by: Ktnxbai at April 26, 2010 07:43 AM (G0qWJ)

3 Supersoakers loaded with Bacon Grease!

Posted by: garrett at April 26, 2010 07:43 AM (SjTfm)

4 We should know by this afternoon, it's Boobquake Day!

But we REALLY need pics of participants

Posted by: Dastardly Dan at April 26, 2010 07:44 AM (9id2T)

5 So if a wonton woman were to wontonly do what wonton women do while standing on a melting glacier...would we be screwed?

Posted by: joncelli at April 26, 2010 07:44 AM (RD7QR)

6 I dunno. Hot women always give me earthquakes....

In my pants.

Posted by: lorien1973 at April 26, 2010 07:45 AM (IhQuA)

7 How many moronettes are celebrating Boobquake day. http://tinyurl.com/2746bt5

Posted by: Jean at April 26, 2010 07:46 AM (PjevJ)

8 Bulldozers cause earthquakes. BTW, anyone else feel like pancakes?

Posted by: rachel corrie at April 26, 2010 07:46 AM (ocax6)

What about Guam?

Posted by: comatus at April 26, 2010 07:47 AM (/VEEI)

10 Given that it's CNN and Iranian clerics, I don't see the down side to having a duel with Hellfire missiles at 1 pace.

Posted by: Peter at April 26, 2010 07:47 AM (lAADn)

11 I just had an earthquake in my pants!

Posted by: Charlie Sheen at April 26, 2010 07:50 AM (to4EI)

Just to defend Shi'ism a small bit here: As a Hojato'l-Islam, he's in the second rank of Iranian clerics. The Ayato'llahs are the first rank - people like Sistani.

Unfortunately the Islamic Republic has a habit of elevating Hojato'l-Islams to Ayato'llah rank when they appreciate their assholery. That's how the eminently uneminent Khamenei got to be Grand Ayato'llah.

Nowadays Iran barely even pretends to be guided by Islam anymore; the whole nation has been broken, and is ruled by whatever thugs Ahmadinejad can hire.

Posted by: Zimriel at April 26, 2010 07:50 AM (9Sbz+)

#5,

We'll be OK as long as she ends up in the soup.

Posted by: Orphal at April 26, 2010 07:50 AM (s8q5Q)

14 I argued politics with a middle aged african american woman in a starbucks, yes I know I was in the lions den) for roughly 3 hours. She argued that I had a 250 year head start on her and her family due to the fact that I am white and we had stolen them from africa and enslaved them. She threw up the whole Palin not fit to run a state let alone a country, and had the audacity to throw up the Sullivan-esk propaganda of "Trigg is not her's". She shut that crap up when I said that was about a valid argument as all of the truthers. Her biggest argument was.........affirmative action. took her an hour to attempt to rationalize what she thought and I put the nail in the coffin when I got up and informed her she had spent the entire hour arguing against AA, and being an Oxford graduate she should be ashamed of herself for being so ignorant.

Posted by: Calypso at April 26, 2010 07:51 AM (eoYse)

15 I am disappointed in AOSHQ. Where is my BoobQuake post?
For those not keeping up with current events (like Ace & the co-bloggers), busty chicks are showing cleavage today specifically in response to this Iranian wahoo.

Posted by: brad at April 26, 2010 07:52 AM (zTZGo)

The most popular Dueling Weapon amongst Muslims is the 10 Year Old in a Suicide Vest.

Simple and effective.

Posted by: Muslim Dueling Instructor at April 26, 2010 07:53 AM (SjTfm)

17 Can we pore over the thesis rather than pour?

The second is way funnier, but the first is correct.

Posted by: Dianna at April 26, 2010 07:53 AM (qrFCz)

Remember the basic tenets of islam, self-control and love for your fellow man or woman?

Me neither.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at April 26, 2010 07:54 AM (i3AsK)

"apples!"

"cherries!"

"very small rocks!"

Posted by: rabble at April 26, 2010 07:55 AM (SjTfm)

20 Sounds a lot like Fred Phelps nad his 'gay tolerance is killing Americans' shit. All fundamentalist religions should be eliminated.

Posted by: JEA at April 26, 2010 07:55 AM (ZO0u/)

21 Fuck off, JEA.

Posted by: Zimriel at April 26, 2010 07:57 AM (9Sbz+)

22 We just may have to rename this blog Cob Loggers of SpadesHQ

Posted by: beedubya at April 26, 2010 07:58 AM (AnTyA)

23 It should be noted that in addition to being a second string cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi is also a wheelchair-bound evil alien scientist.

Posted by: Faeud AlRizzo at April 26, 2010 07:59 AM (l+Iaf)

24
Posted by: JEA

STFU, dunce

Posted by: Mr. Slate at April 26, 2010 07:59 AM (uFokq)

25 Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi is referring to this: http://tinyurl.com/2ftu8j

Posted by: Uniball at April 26, 2010 08:00 AM (27iEn)

26 "Did the Earth move for you?"

"No, but I unleashed a 5.8 on Tehran. Try again."

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 26, 2010 08:01 AM (N49h9)

27 Zim - thats too deep for post with Boobs

Posted by: Jean at April 26, 2010 08:01 AM (tTdaQ)

28 There goes the third 4.0 quake this morning in the grotto.

Posted by: H. Hefner at April 26, 2010 08:03 AM (uKraB)

29 Remind me to try out some middle eastern pussy the next time I have the chance.

That shit must be amazing.

Posted by: Uniball at April 26, 2010 08:03 AM (27iEn)

30 Upset ya, did I? They're ALL the f-cking same. Just change 'Mohammed' to 'Jesus' and it's word for word.

Posted by: JEA at April 26, 2010 08:03 AM (ZO0u/)

31 When I stop going boom boom in my diaper, mommy is going to let me wear big boy pants.

Posted by: JEA at April 26, 2010 08:03 AM (VmtE9)

32
And let me take this opportunity to give a big F-You to Tom Brady. I'm happy for you and wish you well in your new 22K sq ft house (which is equal to 12 avg homes), but don't you ever tell me turn off my lights to 'save the planet' again, you stupid limousine liberal.

yours truly,
a former fan

P.S. You and the Patriots are going 9-7, this season.

Posted by: Mr. Slate at April 26, 2010 08:04 AM (uFokq)

I thought today was boobquake day. Hopefully all the exposed busoms of right thinking women today will cause a massive quake in Iran that destroys thier centifuges and creates a massive fire that can only be put out by members only jackets...but does not harm any innocents or their housing.

Posted by: hobbes at April 26, 2010 08:04 AM (WiOnI)

34 Taking Led Zep's "You Shook Me" a little to literally.

Posted by: Bob at April 26, 2010 08:04 AM (yAYid)

35 WTF!!! This assclown has as much credibility as the global warmers, and uses the same brand of irrefutable evidence and logic. Chuckie Johnson will tell you that. The science is settled, you stinking unbelievers.

Posted by: maddogg at April 26, 2010 08:05 AM (OlN4e)

36 If scantily dressed women are destroying the world, well... who needs the world anyway?

Posted by: theCork at April 26, 2010 08:06 AM (zL5Q1)

37 yeah right JEA, that's why the FBI has agents in every southern Baptist church, one on every corner down here....you know what that means right? FED JOBS!

Posted by: hobbes at April 26, 2010 08:06 AM (WiOnI)

38 They're ALL the f-cking same. Just change 'Mohammed' to 'Jesus' 'Carbon Dioxide' or 'Water Vapor' and it's word for word.

Posted by: JEA at April 26, 2010 12:03 PM (ZO0u/)

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 26, 2010 08:06 AM (N49h9)

39 Reminds me of Glenn Beck during football season: Moron Fights!

Posted by: WalrusRex at April 26, 2010 08:07 AM (xxgag)

40 As far as I'm concerned, ascribing natural disasters to the wrathful volition of a supernatural deity has not only tradition on its side , but also metaphysical intelligibility. Weisman (the CNN retard), on the other hand, ascribes the same wrathful volition to inanimate objects and calls it Science Â—when really it's a kind of fetishistic animism typical of the most primitive of religions.

Posted by: Jason at April 26, 2010 08:07 AM (Nljcu)

41 JEA, They're running a special on lavender furry bunny house slippers down at Target. Better hurry.

Posted by: maddogg at April 26, 2010 08:08 AM (OlN4e)

42 If scantily dressed women are destroying the world, well... who needs the world anyway?

Posted by: theCork at April 26, 2010 12:06 PM (zL5Q1)

It also begs the question of how the world managed to exist before modest clothes were ever invented.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 26, 2010 08:08 AM (N49h9)

43 @42 Thank God for the Victorians eh?

Posted by: hobbes at April 26, 2010 08:09 AM (WiOnI)

Happy Boobquake Day!

_{I'd get stares at work if I wore a worthy top so I have to celebrate at home!}

Posted by: laceyunderalls at April 26, 2010 08:09 AM (pLTLS)

I thought stares were the point?

Posted by: hobbes at April 26, 2010 08:10 AM (WiOnI)

46 lacey, Pics, I say! Pics!

Posted by: maddogg at April 26, 2010 08:11 AM (OlN4e)

47 Incoming!: http://tinyurl.com/yz467sc

Stop Drop and Roll!

Posted by: Uniball at April 26, 2010 08:11 AM (27iEn)

48 I'd get stares at work if I wore a worthy top so I have to celebrate at home!

The terrorists have already won. Unless, of course, proof of celebration is forthcoming.

Posted by: lorien1973 at April 26, 2010 08:11 AM (IhQuA)

49 As far as I'm concerned, ascribing natural disasters to the wrathful volition of a supernatural deity has not only tradition on its side , but also metaphysical intelligibility.

Posted by: Jason at April 26, 2010 12:07 PM (Nljcu)

That's true, but usually they would just blame anything bad that happened on some errant behavior, not claim a direct link from specific behaviors to specific disasters to go on into the future. I think this is a new development. It was published in a peer-mullah-reviewed journal, so it must be true and sciency.

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 26, 2010 08:11 AM (N49h9)

corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes

How about that. The earth really does move during an orgasm.

Posted by: harleycowboy at April 26, 2010 08:12 AM (JKGfQ)

51 "Many women who do not dress modestly... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society..."

It's always the women with these guys. So the men in Iranian society are just helpless drones to be manipulated by any woman who shows a little leg? According to this fool, the whole country could be taken over by the Dallas Cheerleaders.

Or maybe someone should send him a Victoria's Secret catalog.

I guess the Lane Bryant commercial would cause a plus-sized earthquake in Tehran.

Posted by: SlaveDog at April 26, 2010 08:13 AM (H6Jyg)

52 In a competition between retarded explanations for earthquakes...

Heh.

This is why I come to AoSHQ.

This.

Posted by: Deety at April 26, 2010 08:13 AM (aVzyR)

53 When I stop going boom boom in my diaper, mommy is going to let me wear big boy pants.

You know mommy can't spend money on pants for you. Mommy needs the money for crack and condoms.

Posted by: JEA's Mommy at April 26, 2010 08:14 AM (l+Iaf)

54 It's ok, I'll turn them all into newts.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at April 26, 2010 08:15 AM (cniXs)

55 Where should I post my bewbs?

Posted by: pajama momma at April 26, 2010 08:15 AM (fo4Wl)

Enough of the Debate!

The Science has been settled!

"Mars Needs Women!"

Posted by: newguy40 at April 26, 2010 08:15 AM (kduZC)

57 My crack research staff has just received Sedighi's PhD thesis and are pouring over it right now. Apparently it is a groundbreaking analysis related to the buoyancy of witches.

I also hear that there's some stunning research coming out of Iran into the ability of jinn to manipulate the weather.

/you heard it here first...

Posted by: shibumi at April 26, 2010 08:16 AM (OKZrE)

58 @42 Thank God for the Victorians eh?

Posted by: hobbes at April 26, 2010 12:09 PM (WiOnI)

I don't know how they really dressed, but I've never seen more boobs than in Victorian dress in movies. Man, they loved boobs!

Posted by: progressoverpeace at April 26, 2010 08:16 AM (N49h9)

We just may have to rename this blog Cob Loggers of SpadesHQ

Patience. The Boss will be here at the crack of 1:00 pm to take over for three hours!

Posted by: rabble at April 26, 2010 08:17 AM (SjTfm)

60 Where should I post my bewbs?

*props up hands

Right here baby!

Posted by: Uniball at April 26, 2010 08:18 AM (27iEn)

61 I wish I had known about this before I dressed for work. I wear a uniform polo shirt, but I work in man-land, so I don't think anyone would have minded the diversion from protocol.

Posted by: April at April 26, 2010 08:18 AM (b0THY)

My hippie liberal friend went one better: I was out walking my dogs at 4 this morning, and caught her running a complete circumference of her property ala Lady Godiva. I asked what the heck she was doing, and she's doing it to support "boobquake"; she's going again right before midnight.

I don't know whether to shake my head or give her a "you go sista!".

Personally, I think it's the dinosaurs that live at the center of the planet raising a ruckus...ET puts them up to it with low frequency soundwave emissions from their aliem deathstars.

Posted by: unknown jane at April 26, 2010 08:19 AM (5/yRG)

63 JEA, They're running a special on lavender furry bunny house slippers down at Target. Better hurry.
We prefer the dog slippers so we can say we did it doggie-style.

Posted by: "little jea", very little at April 26, 2010 08:19 AM (ocax6)

We have no Bring Your Exposed Cleavage to Work Day here.

Just one more thing to oppress the men here.

For shame.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at April 26, 2010 08:21 AM (pLTLS)

65 Boobquake on Facebook

Posted by: Heather's Evil Twin at April 26, 2010 08:22 AM (e8YaH)

66 I don't know how they really dressed, but I've never seen more boobs than in Victorian dress in movies. Man, they loved boobs!
I like TITS!!!

Posted by: The Reverend Ronald Simms at April 26, 2010 08:24 AM (ocax6)

67 She argued that I had a 250 year head start on her and her family

Call Guinness...they think the oldest living human is only 114.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at April 26, 2010 08:25 AM (mR7mk)

68 I really hope there's a boobquake event in my area.

Posted by: A Teenager at April 26, 2010 08:26 AM (G60Nl)

69 My crack research staff has just received Sedighi's PhD thesis and are pouring over it right now. Apparently it is a groundbreaking analysis related to the buoyancy of witches.

Indeed, this is a marvelous work of scholarship, the likes of which we have never seen.

Posted by: Typical humanities department at April 26, 2010 08:26 AM (T0NGe)

70 I'm celebrating too! Has there been an earthquake yet?

Posted by: wherestherum, Bitch Goddess of the Universe at April 26, 2010 08:26 AM (gofDd)

71
duel with Hellfire missiles at 1 pace

Need about 150m before the warhead arms. 500m is plenty close.

Posted by: Dang Straights at April 26, 2010 08:26 AM (fx8sm)

72 My crack research staff has just received Sedighi's PhD thesis and are pouring over it right now. Apparently it is a groundbreaking analysis related to the buoyancy of witches.

It passes our peer review.

Posted by: Climate scientists at April 26, 2010 08:26 AM (T0NGe)

Evo Morales enters the sweepstakes saying eating chicken causes homosexuality and drinking Coca-Cola causes baldness.

http://tinyurl.com/32ucj5p

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at April 26, 2010 08:27 AM (B+qrE)

74 These earthquakes are caused by silver dollar nipples, analingus, and rubber fists.

Oh, and Christina Hendricks.

Repent!!!: http://tinyurl.com/rawlu8

Posted by: The Horny Cleric with a Boner under my Thobe at April 26, 2010 08:29 AM (27iEn)

75 74
Cocaine, on the other hand, will put bounce back in your step, cure earthquakes, and put a stop to runaway global warming.

Posted by: fb at April 26, 2010 08:30 AM (G60Nl)

76 My crack research staff has just received Sedighi's PhD thesis and are pouring over it right now. Apparently it is a groundbreaking analysis related to the buoyancy of witches.

It's the author's ethnicity that makes it pass our mustard.

What? Pass mustard. What's wrong with that?

Posted by: Sociologists at April 26, 2010 08:31 AM (T0NGe)

77 74

Evo Morales enters the sweepstakes saying eating chicken causes homosexuality and drinking Coca-Cola causes baldness.

Circa, that's truly hysterical. I wonder if the Bolivians who elected him are suffering as much buyers' remorse as our voters who elected BHO?

Posted by: Dianna at April 26, 2010 08:33 AM (qrFCz)

Circa, that's truly hysterical. I wonder if the Bolivians who elected him are suffering as much buyers' remorse as our voters who elected BHO?

There is something to be said for having a Chief of State who looks like he stepped directly from the pages of a Carlos Casteneda book.

What that something is, I have no idea.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at April 26, 2010 08:37 AM (B+qrE)

79
Evo Morales enters the sweepstakes saying eating chicken causes homosexuality and drinking Coca-Cola causes baldness.

It would be hilarious if it weren't so tragic.

Posted by: Dang Straights at April 26, 2010 08:37 AM (fx8sm)

80 IP = 119.127.203.103

Posted by: spammer at April 26, 2010 08:45 AM (jjvYc)

81 Morales is obviously in the pocket of Big Beef/Pork and Pepsi.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 26, 2010 08:45 AM (A8bHB)

82 Morales is obviously in the pocket of Big Beef/Pork and Pepsi.

And Pepsi changed their logo to resemble Obama's, so this gets disturbing quickly.

Posted by: Ian S. at April 26, 2010 08:49 AM (oofBp)

What am I? Chopped liver?

Jonah Fish Fry/RC lobby

Posted by: unknown jane at April 26, 2010 08:53 AM (5/yRG)

Raining Men cause Global Warming. Water vapor's a greenhouse gas y'know.

I know, Monday's too early in the week for the Weathergirls.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at April 26, 2010 08:55 AM (8lCJT)

85 You're being glib!

Posted by: Tom Cruise at April 26, 2010 08:59 AM (jV0wG)

86 What's perhaps most bizarre is that the Obama Administration honestly thinks you can reason with people like this. Boggles the mind.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 26, 2010 09:05 AM (e8T35)

87 What else floats in water? Churches.. very small rocks.. A DUCK..

Posted by: UGrev at April 26, 2010 09:06 AM (862vz)

What's perhaps most bizarre is that the Obama Administration honestly thinks you can reason with people like this.

Reason with them? He wants us to be led by them!

Posted by: wiserbud at April 26, 2010 09:09 AM (tWf3S)

This thread is worthless without pictures.

The entire thread.

Posted by: reason at April 26, 2010 09:10 AM (+hPIb)

90 Wait, where is FL and the Gulf coast's fair share?

Apparently it also causes hurricanes.

Posted by: pajama momma at April 26, 2010 09:10 AM (fo4Wl)

This thread is worthless without pictures.

The entire thread.

Show us your tits!!

Posted by: pajama momma at April 26, 2010 09:11 AM (fo4Wl)

I don't think you're woman enough to handle the studly pelt I grow on my chest, momma....

I could French braid this shit.

Posted by: reason at April 26, 2010 09:14 AM (+hPIb)

93
My crack research staff

What? some hamsters, a couple of squirrels and a burmese python?

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at April 26, 2010 09:19 AM (1hM1d)

94 "I could French braid this shit." and some how you think that's normal? Neanderthals DID mix!!

Posted by: UGrev at April 26, 2010 09:20 AM (862vz)

95 94 I like a man with a hairy chest -- show it baby!

Posted by: unknown jane at April 26, 2010 09:20 AM (5/yRG)

96 What? some hamsters, a couple of squirrels and a burmese python?

My pet turtle. He's got a PhD is astrophysics.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 26, 2010 09:24 AM (A8bHB)

I've got a Crack Research Team comprised of hamsters, too!

Posted by: Richard Gere at April 26, 2010 09:25 AM (+hPIb)

A Crack Research Team?

OooOOOooo that sounds fun! Where do I sign up?

Posted by: Andy Sullivan at April 26, 2010 09:29 AM (wWwJR)

99 I'll save it for the ONT, jane. I'd hate to out-pelt our dear blog-provider. He might boot me out, leaving me blogless, aimlessly roaming the blogosphere, getting the occassional hot meal on Innocent Bystanders...

Posted by: Richard Gere at April 26, 2010 09:29 AM (+hPIb)

100 Ugh. Of all the socks to leave on...

Posted by: reason at April 26, 2010 09:30 AM (+hPIb)

101 101 ok, remember, you promised...

Posted by: unknown jane at April 26, 2010 09:51 AM (5/yRG)

102 Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as...

Nice to know that the Shiites have some consistency in their mullahs; a "Hojatoleslam" looks to be equally as stupid as an "Ayatollah".

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at April 26, 2010 10:10 AM (Q75cY)

103 Just remember: these are the same folks who want a place on the UN council for women's rights (sometimes reality is more ironic than irony).

Posted by: unknown jane at April 26, 2010 10:20 AM (5/yRG)

104

My crack research staff ...

Has to come to what conclusion about crack? And what does that have to do with the original post? Oh, wait ... crack ... who cares?

Posted by: Gray Wolf at April 26, 2010 10:42 AM (waz3r)

105 If Maet puts the Boobquake post as the title of the ONT tonight I will oblige the morons.

Posted by: mpfs at April 26, 2010 10:47 AM (iYbLN)

106

My crack research staff has just received Sedighi's PhD thesis and are pouring over it right now.

If they get it all wet, they won't be able to read it when they decide to start poring over it.

Posted by: sherlock at April 26, 2010 11:16 AM (ZrS0c)

107

You guys are slut-induced earthquake deniers. NASA's computer models show that, indeed the relationship in settled science. A concensus of scientists prove this.

Posted by: Max Entropy at April 26, 2010 11:27 AM (uuZjB)

108 Between the two choices here, I'm leaning more toward the "god is punishing us" model of earthquake causes over the "gaia is punishing us" since they try to base it on science, which doesn't support their conclusion. By their own standards their claim falls. The Iranian cleric can at least point to his scripture.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at April 26, 2010 02:06 PM (PQY7w)

109 IP = 78.110.8.18

Posted by: spammer at April 26, 2010 10:33 PM (WFYoY)

110 IP = 59.58.151.145

Posted by: spammer at April 27, 2010 03:11 AM (8BDDI)

111 IP = 59.58.151.145

Posted by: spammer at April 27, 2010 03:12 AM (8BDDI)

112 IP = 208.88.120.86

Posted by: spammer at April 27, 2010 04:19 AM (aZb7C)

113 IP = 61.131.91.67

Posted by: spammer at April 27, 2010 11:24 PM (tigL4)

114 IP = 123.162.135.165