Ace of Spades HQ

November 28, 2010

Spanish Woman Declares Self Apollo (Ben)
— Open Blogger

A lovely Spanish women by the name of Angeles Duran is now the registered owner of the Sun.

It seems this woman has found a loophole:

There is an international agreement which states that no country may claim ownership of a planet or star, but it says nothing about individuals, she added.
"There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first."

Not stupid indeed. Before you congratulate her new aquisition you really should read the fine print.

Duran, who lives in the town of Salvaterra do Mino, said she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund.
She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself.

10%? Not too bad given todays economy. Hey, a crazy woman's gotta eat, right?

Posted by: Open Blogger at 02:52 PM | Comments (86)
Post contains 193 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Nah....amateur compared to the tax-the-CO2 crowd.

Posted by: ParisParamus at November 28, 2010 02:55 PM (gMzAL)

2 We're good. No sun tax for us, suckers jerks.

Posted by: The Vampire Guild at November 28, 2010 02:55 PM (JcRgg)

3 Great news! So does that mean melanoma patients can now sue Ms. Duran?

Posted by: chemjeff at November 28, 2010 02:56 PM (PaSAU)

4 In completely unrelated news I will be filing papers for ownership of Jupiter and be charging an "earth protection fee" for every object that hits Jupiter on the theory that had it not hit Jupiter it would have eventually hit earth.

Posted by: Ben at November 28, 2010 02:57 PM (DKV43)

5 chemjeff, that's genius baby.

Posted by: Journolist at November 28, 2010 02:57 PM (LwLqV)

6 Has she planted her notice of ownership at the Sun itself?

I know, she will do that at night so it doesn't urn up.

Posted by: Vic at November 28, 2010 03:00 PM (e4sSD)

7 Damn. She's good.

Posted by: The Won at November 28, 2010 03:00 PM (8lAR4)

8 Meanwhile McCain says we need "regime change" in NK.

Posted by: Vic at November 28, 2010 03:00 PM (e4sSD)

9 Well, sacred honor compels me to inform everyone that I already claimed Uranus

Posted by: Will Folks at November 28, 2010 03:01 PM (iv166)

10 Will Folks for the Win!

Posted by: garrett at November 28, 2010 03:02 PM (+hG8+)

11 9 Well, sacred honor compels me to inform everyone that I already claimed Uranus

Posted by: Will Folks at November 28, 2010 07:01 PM (iv166)

Beat ya to it, pal!

Posted by: Andi Sullivan & Barney Frank, LLC at November 28, 2010 03:02 PM (PaSAU)

12 We retain the rights to all of the Black Hoes.

Posted by: NAACP of Los Angeles at November 28, 2010 03:04 PM (+hG8+)

What an idiot.

Obviously, Mars has much more potential.

Posted by: Swamp Yankee at November 28, 2010 03:05 PM (3DIBw)

14 okay, so we've got to get an AoSHQ consortium together to lay claim to the Fuck You nebula posted earlier?

Posted by: chemjeff at November 28, 2010 03:05 PM (PaSAU)

15 I'm promptly filing suit for vandalism due to fading and peeling of the exterior paint on my house.

Posted by: jmflynny at November 28, 2010 03:06 PM (JItMh)

16 I claim the rest of the Universe. Pay me.

Posted by: FUBAR at November 28, 2010 03:07 PM (McG46)

wow this woman is stupid. How is charging people money for free energy supposed to help the economy and generate income for anyone but her? Is she going to send a letter to all farmers threatening to burn their crops unless they pay her for the usage of the sun?

Posted by: buzzion at November 28, 2010 03:07 PM (oVQFe)

okay, so we've got to get an AoSHQ consortium together to lay claim to the Fuck You nebula posted earlier?

Too late, Hot Air has it and it's one thing they won't share with us

Posted by: Ben at November 28, 2010 03:08 PM (DKV43)

19 what's she gonna do if we don't pay? turn it off?

Posted by: brian at November 28, 2010 03:08 PM (y05cf)

20
I've got Angeles' fee right here: \o/

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 28, 2010 03:08 PM (GfGBM)

21 Do n;t worry: a World Government will claim eminent domain and just take Sol from her.

Posted by: logprof at November 28, 2010 03:09 PM (BP6Z1)

22 I'm promptly filing suit for vandalism due to fading and peeling of the exterior paint on my house.

Posted by: jmflynny at November 28, 2010 07:06 PM (JItMh)

And cancer. Lots and lots of skin cancer. What that woman's star did was unconscionable.

Posted by: FUBAR at November 28, 2010 03:09 PM (McG46)

23 This reminds me of something I read in a Dean Koontz book.

Posted by: EmilyM. at November 28, 2010 03:09 PM (e+Qlo)

24 Is waxing gibbous still gratis?

Posted by: Journolist at November 28, 2010 03:10 PM (LwLqV)

Well, that should put a dent in solar power affordability.

Posted by: BigGator5 at November 28, 2010 03:10 PM (XQgW6)

26 Skin cancer lawsuit, anyone?

Posted by: Peter Angelos at November 28, 2010 03:10 PM (lV4Fs)

27 Doesn't Spain institutionalize their mad?

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 28, 2010 03:11 PM (c1oyg)

28 I own Uranus.

Posted by: Beavis at November 28, 2010 03:11 PM (3DIBw)

29 Our Fucking Imbecile President will immediately sign an executive order to have the Treasury Department send this crazy bitch a check for America's portion of her usage fee.

Posted by: Sharkman at November 28, 2010 03:11 PM (sqNU7)

30
why is no one calling this bint a Spanish Conquistador and a European oppresser?

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 28, 2010 03:11 PM (IgP15)

31 If Facebook can copyright the word "face," why shouldn't some nutball Spanish babe own the sun?

Of course she'll have to pry it out of Lightgiver Osama Obama's hands....

Posted by: MrScribbler© at November 28, 2010 03:12 PM (Ulu3i)

32 the 10% is really reasonble. Think of the fuel costs it takes to keep the sun going. Her natural gas bill has to be huge

Posted by: Ben at November 28, 2010 03:13 PM (DKV43)

33 33 the 10% is really reasonble. Think of the fuel costs it takes to keep the sun going. Her natural gas bill has to be huge

Posted by: Ben at November 28, 2010 07:13 PM (DKV43)

not to mention transportation charges

Posted by: chemjeff at November 28, 2010 03:15 PM (PaSAU)

OT: BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!! BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we all knew that was coming

Posted by: navycopjoe at November 28, 2010 03:17 PM (S9k9+)

She is Spanish, which makes me wonder if she can use her percieved insanity to claim some form of disability in that Euro-Socialist trough of a country. She'll be collecting off our mockery.

Perhaps the joke is on us.

Posted by: Swamp Yankee at November 28, 2010 03:18 PM (3DIBw)

36 So this Duran bitch...She's the one who needs to pay up for my mom's death from melanoma? This is going to be one sweet lawsuit.

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at November 28, 2010 03:19 PM (PzF+K)

36 my spanish m-i-l is here visiting

all spanish chicks are truly insane, really cute, but batshit crazy

Posted by: navycopjoe at November 28, 2010 03:19 PM (S9k9+)

38 Don't make us come over there.

Posted by: The IAU at November 28, 2010 03:20 PM (4kH8z)

39 Let the lawsuits for skin cancer begin!

Posted by: TexBob at November 28, 2010 03:20 PM (7cXE7)

40 Is she going to send a letter to all farmers threatening to burn their crops unless they pay her for the usage of the sun? Posted by: buzzion at November 28, 2010 07:07 PM

Hey, not a bad idea!

Posted by: Us Dept of Energy at November 28, 2010 03:20 PM (vdfwz)

41 Bears win? What happened? Eagles not show up?

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at November 28, 2010 03:21 PM (PzF+K)

OT: BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!! BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we all knew that was coming

Posted by: navycopjoe at November 28, 2010 07:17 PM (S9k9+)

Eagles will kill them in the playoffs.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 28, 2010 03:21 PM (c1oyg)

43 She needs to get her fucking star out of my Milky Way galaxy or I'll injunction her ass.

Posted by: nickless at November 28, 2010 03:21 PM (MMC8r)

44 Swamp Yankee, who says she isn't already on the meds & on the dole?
It's telling she wants the money to go to the Spanish pension fund - can you say government worker?

Posted by: chemjeff at November 28, 2010 03:22 PM (PaSAU)

45 Duran, who lives in the town of Salvaterra do Mino, said she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun

Do we get twice the cut?

Posted by: Duran Duran at November 28, 2010 03:22 PM (vdfwz)

46 Nobody owns ME, I own YOU!

Now get me a sammich before I give you a thunderbolt enema

Posted by: Apollo at November 28, 2010 03:24 PM (vdfwz)

47 Chiefs win!!!!!

Posted by: logprof at November 28, 2010 03:24 PM (BP6Z1)

48
Ben, make yourself useful and put up a Colts vs Bolts post.

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 28, 2010 03:26 PM (IgP15)

Ben, make yourself useful and put up a Colts vs Bolts post.

i think CDRM will be doing it. Is does the NFL posts.

Posted by: Ben at November 28, 2010 03:28 PM (DKV43)

50 49
Ben, make yourself useful and put up a Colts vs Bolts post.
Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 28, 2010 07:26 PM

and that sammich ain't gonna make itself

Posted by: kbdabear at November 28, 2010 03:30 PM (vdfwz)

51 1 Nah....amateur compared to the tax-the-CO2 crowd.

What about O2? I think it's time that the phrase "oxygen thief" be codified.

Posted by: AmishDude at November 28, 2010 03:30 PM (BvBKY)

52 I once saw a teenaged kid at Mickey D's sporting a T-Shirt that read, "The God of Fuck." Heh. Interesting to try and callect 10% of that.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 28, 2010 03:34 PM (tJjm/)

I once saw a teenaged kid at Mickey D's sporting a T-Shirt that read, "The God of Fuck."

Heh. Interesting to try and callect 10% of that.

I'm not good at math, what's 10 percent of 0?

Posted by: Ben at November 28, 2010 03:35 PM (DKV43)

54 Take me to Uranus!

Posted by: Crow T. Robot at November 28, 2010 03:38 PM (9Nb1Q)

55 47 Nobody owns ME, I own YOU!

Now get me a sammich before I give you a thunderbolt enema

Posted by: Apollo at November 28, 2010 07:24 PM (vdfwz)

Damn right you dont own ME. No one owns Maine. You can try to steal the sun, but dont go fucking with them backwoods swamp yankees.

Posted by: Swamp Yankee at November 28, 2010 03:39 PM (3DIBw)

56 Just another commie looking for a free ride.

Posted by: CanaDave at November 28, 2010 03:42 PM (hbmgN)

57 That fee thing sounds fun. Now to the great part. I guess we can now sue someone for sunburns. She really needs to make certain her property does not negatively impact my property, and since the sun is bleaching my drapes, I say she owes me.

Posted by: astonerii at November 28, 2010 03:43 PM (cRQbJ)

Meeting you, with a view to a kill...

Posted by: Duran Duran at November 28, 2010 03:46 PM (1ZM76)

59 Let's probe... Uranus!

Posted by: Crow T. Robot at November 28, 2010 03:59 PM (9Nb1Q)

60 21 Do n;t worry: a World Government will claim eminent domain and just take her Sol from her.

FIFY

Posted by: Shwing N. Richard Duh Turd at November 28, 2010 04:01 PM (Z/oEY)

61 One of my friend's pointed out, that this likely means we can sue her for such things as solar caused global warming, hot days, lost business due to cold days, sun burn, things lit on fire by means of magnifying glasses and most importantly emotional pain from seeing sunbathers who didn't listen to the Speedo Axiom of "just because it fits, doesn't make it right"

Posted by: Scott at November 28, 2010 04:13 PM (8uees)

62 Uh oh. I wonder if she just gave Obama something else to tax us for and/or maybe limit access to.

Posted by: BarbaraS at November 28, 2010 04:20 PM (oTjeK)

63 Bitch get your sun out of my yard

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 28, 2010 04:24 PM (IqfKc)

64 64 Uh oh. I wonder if she just gave Obama something else to tax us for and/or maybe limit access to.

Posted by: BarbaraS at November 28, 2010 08:20 PM (oTjeK)

Too much exposure to the sun is just as dangerous as overeating you know...

Posted by: buzzion at November 28, 2010 04:25 PM (oVQFe)

65 No photo @ link.
I can't believe I'm the 1st moron with "Is she hot?"

Posted by: Dave at November 28, 2010 04:25 PM (o404J)

66 You can say you claim anything at all.
What really counts is if you can back it.
Refer to thousands of years of history for details, and the nothing-doing when someone claims whatever action is illegal.

I haven't read into this further, and I don't care to, but I'm predicting that we'll hear, in her defense, that she is not crazy at all, but rather garnered attention because she wants to have global warming, poverty, and various green concerns prominent in the public discussion.

Posted by: fb at November 28, 2010 04:29 PM (tnDLR)

67 You bet I'm hot.

Posted by: The Sun at November 28, 2010 04:31 PM (tnDLR)

68 Obowows response will be "The Sun acted stupidly".

Posted by: killerdog at November 28, 2010 04:41 PM (FC4Df)

69 Solar power costs just went up 10%.

Posted by: fb at November 28, 2010 04:42 PM (tnDLR)

70 Uranus is big and gassy, isn't it?

Posted by: Crow T. Robot at November 28, 2010 04:55 PM (9Nb1Q)

71 She may be Duran, but she's not Duran Duran.

Posted by: Whoopie G at November 28, 2010 05:11 PM (q8CmE)

72 How did algore miss that one?

Posted by: Buffalobob at November 28, 2010 05:15 PM (GwH6h)

73 So if I get a sunburn can I sue her?

Posted by: James at November 28, 2010 05:16 PM (Nljcu)

74 Heh. Two round-trip slingshots around THIS bitch, plus the 300 years of accrued interest, ought to put Jim in debt to SeÃ±ora Duran for the rest of his life.

And for the record, I was against this whale bullshit from the start, and the ex-wife already cleaned me out, so Duran will get nowhere suing me.

Posted by: Dr. Leonard McCoy at November 28, 2010 05:21 PM (F5Gxy)

75 So how does she propose to deny me the use of the sun when I don't pay?

Posted by: cackfinger at November 28, 2010 05:23 PM (TUBcJ)

76 I now own the human capacity and mechanism for urinating. I'm going to continue to let everyone use it for free though. However, I am not responsible for any one's inability to pee or need to pee too much except for that lady I (probably) accidently gave a bladder infection to. That one WAS my fault but none of the other instances are my fault.

Posted by: cackfinger at November 28, 2010 05:26 PM (TUBcJ)

77 I hereby declare myself owner of Angeles Duran.

Forward those proceeds to me, thanks.

Posted by: Merovign, Strong on His Mountain at November 28, 2010 05:27 PM (bxiXv)

78 By the way I happen to own all the hydrogen and helium in the universe so uh...yeah. Sorry honey. Easy come easy go.

Posted by: cackfinger at November 28, 2010 05:29 PM (TUBcJ)

79 I say my displayed nameplate on the surface of the SUN predates her ridiculous Spanish claim.

As the original owner of the SUN, I hereby donate the emissions along any spectrum to the haphazard receivers of planet earth wherever they might abide in perpetuity.

If she wants to prove me wrong, she'll have to go to the SUN and prove it's not there.

HAH!

Posted by: Blacksmith8 at November 28, 2010 05:52 PM (H8NCN)

80 Anybody have a contact for this nut? My mom had skin cancer, and I'd like to sue the owner of the product for the damages.

the sinner,

Patrick

Posted by: Patrick at November 28, 2010 08:09 PM (Mfc9p)

81 How does she plan to cut off the sun from those of us who aren't going to pay her?

Posted by: Smorgasbord at November 28, 2010 08:40 PM (JBB4K)

82 Trying to own the Sun is like saying you own the sizzle of the steak, or the smile of a puppy, or a whore's whistle. You can own a thing, but never the thang. Not one percent of you fuckknuckles can grasp the inherent reality of this concept: what you are is not what know. It's like firing a gun versus throwing a bullet. You can own what is all used up, wore out, and dead on a pole, you can't own what you still need to know. Know why? You don't fucking know it! This is pretty simplistic shit, but you clowns will keep piling into tthe same car for your circus joyride around the same three-rings acting like you discovered a new world.

Posted by: Dick Primate at November 28, 2010 09:21 PM (9qNw7)

83 Unfortunately for all of you, you've missed out on the biggest and best land deal there is. In my search through the registries, I uncovered the fact that technically, the Earth itself is unowned. Oh, yes, some people claim to own property ON the Earth, but no one seems to own the Earth itself. So I filed papers on Friday, shortly after I heard of Ms. Duran's power grab. And now I own the Earth. Which means that all of you -- nations, cities, even individuals -- now owe rent to ME. Fortunately, I am a generous landlord, so here are my rates:

Nations: $100.00 per year for First-World countries, $25.00 otherwise
Lesser municipalities: anywhere from $1.00 to $50.00, depending on size, infrastructure, and population (details to come later). If you're California or Tokyo, prepare to pay the max...mountain communities in Nepal need only pay at the lowest necessary rate.
Individuals: $0.02 per year, per person. Families/households of three or more get discounts beginning with the third person (3 people -- $0.05, 4 people -- $0.06, and so forth).

I will shortly have a nice anonymous PO box to which you as a person, or the city, state/province, or country which you represent, may remit your rent. Please pay within thirty days to maintain your tenancy.

In all fairness, I should point out that I do reserve the right to apply severe penalties to tenants who prove particularly unruly. So North Korea and Iran, prepare to start calculating your payment in percentages of GDP. That kid who picked on me in fourth grade, get ready to sell your Maserati. And I do hope that Ms. "Duran" Duran keeps in mind that anyone who charges me for use of the sun can expect to have their land pulled right out from under them.

One final note: Owner is not liable for any earthquakes, mudslides, avalanches, and any and all other "acts of God" that may affect your usage and enjoyment of the Earth (TM). Any such problems undoubtedly result from user error.

Posted by: Demosthenes at November 29, 2010 12:25 AM (ldS0M)

84 No one seems to have asked, so - Is she hot?

Posted by: Jerome at November 29, 2010 03:03 AM (maka6)

No one seems to have asked, so - Is she hot?

She owns the sun. She's as hot as she wants to be.

(Eighty-odd posts on someone named Duran seizing control of outer space and no Barbarella remarks? Ace will be disappointed, yo.)

Posted by: FireHorse at November 29, 2010 04:41 AM (sWynj)

86 Call the guys with the butterfly nets,streight jackets and prepare a padded cell theres another nut on the tree of world insanity

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at December 01, 2010 08:12 AM (vA9ld)

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