June 06, 2010
— LauraW 1.) Yes, you're really REALLY tired and would rather not move.
2.) It's a nonporous floor. Let's say the kitchen floor.
3.) Somehow you know it's your urine and not somebody else's.
Posted by: LauraW at
08:12 AM
| Comments (310)
Post contains 63 words, total size 1 kb.
Speaking of which, it was with some satisfaction that I read this morning (at the Daily Mail or some Brit paper) that Hassan is incontinent, in addition to paralyzed from the chest down.
Posted by: Y-not at June 06, 2010 08:15 AM (Kn9r7)
Posted by: thegarbone at June 06, 2010 08:15 AM (ixHiE)
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 08:16 AM (Td5hP)
Posted by: Y-not at June 06, 2010 08:16 AM (Kn9r7)
Posted by: MCPO Airdale at June 06, 2010 08:17 AM (Zn88K)
Posted by: League of Southern Asshats at June 06, 2010 08:17 AM (Kn9r7)
Speaking of which, it was with some satisfaction that I read this morning (at the Daily Mail or some Brit paper) that Hassan is incontinent, in addition to paralyzed from the chest down.
Posted by: Y-not
word
Posted by: sock puppeh at June 06, 2010 08:17 AM (VcPAo)
Posted by: Frank G at June 06, 2010 08:20 AM (4X0aT)
Posted by: MCPO Airdale
Ouch man, very ouch.
Posted by: Garbonzo the Garrulous at June 06, 2010 08:21 AM (zgd5N)
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at June 06, 2010 08:22 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: oblig. at June 06, 2010 08:23 AM (x7Ao8)
Posted by: Pelayo at June 06, 2010 08:27 AM (QLmzi)
You wake up on the floor in a pool of urine. You're tired but need to pee again. Do you get up?
Hell yea you get up, and get right to scrambling those eggs and washing those dishes. You can pee standing up at the stove.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 08:29 AM (t72+4)
Ok, you're passed out on the floor and you've pissed yourself. Then the dog comes along all hungry and stuff and since you're passed out he knows it's starvation time, so he pisses on you. Then the cat, being all sensitive about you liking the dog more than him, pisses on you.
Is there any beer in the fridge?
Posted by: Fastidious Francis at June 06, 2010 08:30 AM (vGX6p)
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 12:16 PM (Td5hP)
Who said anything about being drunk?
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 08:32 AM (DbybK)
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 08:35 AM (Td5hP)
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 06, 2010 08:35 AM (wd0Iq)
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at June 06, 2010 08:36 AM (YVZlY)
Let er' rip darlin', and keep catching those z's. I do it all the time during my cat naps in the Whitehouse press room in between my joo rants.
Posted by: Helen Thomas at June 06, 2010 08:37 AM (t72+4)
If you don't eat vegetables, you don't have to worry about that.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 08:38 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: Andy at June 06, 2010 12:37 PM (NjN7i)
right after she installed one in your Master Bedroom...
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at June 06, 2010 08:38 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Kevin Costner - Fishman in Waterworld at June 06, 2010 08:40 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 06, 2010 08:40 AM (ucxC/)
So there you go. Tired, and full of liquid.
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 08:41 AM (DbybK)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 06, 2010 12:40 PM (ucxC/)
It's not?
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at June 06, 2010 08:41 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Sassypants at June 06, 2010 08:42 AM (J/TnF)
Ahhh, yardwork. Is there someone around who would find you passed out on the kitchen floor and rather than call the paramedics, put your hand in a bucket of warm water? You know, for laughs?
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 08:43 AM (YjIPf)
Posted by: Roger at June 06, 2010 08:43 AM (tAwhy)
Ahhh, yardwork. Is there someone around who would find you passed out on the kitchen floor and rather than call the paramedics, put your hand in a bucket of warm water? You know, for laughs?
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 12:43 PM (YjIPf
I wouldn't do anything like that. Maybe have a quick peak up her sun dress, but nothing as juvenile as that.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 08:44 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: I'm Not actually this guy at June 06, 2010 08:44 AM (tTj19)
Posted by: t-bird at June 06, 2010 08:45 AM (FcR7P)
Posted by: Rahm Emanuel at June 06, 2010 08:45 AM (YVZlY)
Funny, the same thing happened to me but it was with fresh Panda Express takeout.
Hilarity did not ensue.
Posted by: Kevin Costner - Fishman in Waterworld at June 06, 2010 08:45 AM (9hSKh)
A non-porous floor is a cold floor. Cold liquids sap body heat rapidly. Cold junk rapidly ruins sleep.
I'd get up, take a leak, strip down, dry off and crawl into bed.
Posted by: ThomasD at June 06, 2010 08:46 AM (UK5R1)
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 08:47 AM (M3kw0)
Well, one time I opened my fridge and found some 6-week-old Chinese takeout. Being a moron, I took a good whiff...
I had the same thing happen to me........only it was a six week old human head.
Posted by: Jeffrey Dahmer at June 06, 2010 08:47 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Lincolntf at June 06, 2010 08:47 AM (7EDH5)
Posted by: Will Folks at June 06, 2010 08:48 AM (YVZlY)
Speaking of which, it was with some satisfaction that I read this morning (at the Daily Mail or some Brit paper) that Hassan is incontinent, in addition to paralyzed from the chest down.
Posted by: Y-not at June 06, 2010 12:15 PM (Kn9r7)
one more thing he has in common with this administration.
Posted by: Unclefacts, AoSHQ Professional Debate Team at June 06, 2010 08:48 AM (erIg9)
I just let those number ones and two's rip right in the computer chair when I'm on a marathon banning session.
Posted by: Charles Johnson at June 06, 2010 08:49 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at June 06, 2010 08:50 AM (wOtDN)
Chaos is here there!
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 12:49 PM (9hSKh)
FIFY.
Posted by: conscious and glad I don't live in the Northeast at June 06, 2010 08:51 AM (YVZlY)
To the person who said they would take a shower and then pee, why wouldn't you just pee in the shower? Seriously?
Posted by: daleyrocks at June 06, 2010 08:52 AM (oAbFj)
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at June 06, 2010 08:52 AM (wOtDN)
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at June 06, 2010 08:53 AM (wOtDN)
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 12:49 PM (Td5hP)
Mark, it's almost impossible to offend someone on AoS. Now pissing someone off is a whole different matter. 9)
Posted by: conscious and glad I don't live in the Northeast at June 06, 2010 08:54 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: I'm Not actually this guy at June 06, 2010 08:55 AM (tTj19)
hey, it's not as bad as being so drunk that you pee on the electric blanket
now THAT's a bad idea
Posted by: chemjeff at June 06, 2010 12:54 PM (Gk/wA)
A buddy of mines dad who was in the Air Force came home so drunk from the officers club one night he stumbled in the front door, opened the door on his mothers piano and started pissing all over the keys.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 08:56 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: conscious and glad I don't live in the Northeast at June 06, 2010 08:56 AM (YVZlY)
This fella I lived with once sleepwalked to the refridgerator and pissed in it. He even closed the door.
Posted by: torabora at June 06, 2010 08:56 AM (PVgs7)
The shower drain is also useful for getting rid of other fluids IYKWIMAITYD,
. Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 08:56 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: Lincolntf at June 06, 2010 08:57 AM (7EDH5)
Posted by: curious at June 06, 2010 09:00 AM (p302b)
Posted by: conscious and owns a medium sized dog at June 06, 2010 09:00 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at June 06, 2010 09:02 AM (wOtDN)
Getting up is really the only thing that separates morons from hobos.
Posted by: Johanna Lapp at June 06, 2010 09:03 AM (a5ljo)
Just watched Reagan's 1984 Normandy speech. The contrast between him and the current occupant in the WH is, to say the least, striking.
Reagan was teleprompter free.
Did Obumble get in 9, or a full 18 holes of golf this morning?
Posted by: Delta Smelt at June 06, 2010 09:04 AM (0pYSi)
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at June 06, 2010 09:05 AM (wOtDN)
Getting up is really the only thing that separates morons from hobos.
Posted by: Johanna Lapp at June 06, 2010 01:03 PM (a5ljo)
Oh great, now you tell me!
Posted by: David Hasselhoff at June 06, 2010 09:05 AM (YVZlY)
Berms or booms ?
" Jindal went on to state that on May 3, he asked the federal government for supplies including "3 million feet of absorbent boom and 5 million feet of hard boom."
To date, only 815,569 feet of hard boom has arrived, and 135,320 feet of that hasn't been deployed, he said."
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 09:05 AM (zgd5N)
LauraW -
I literally shot coffee out my nose upon coming across this, and choked through my laughter ... which, I imagine, is better than peeing myself.
Voted "No" BTW. Agree with the 'get up and sower, then pee' crowd above. By the time I'd showered, dried and dressed in fresh clothing my dumb-assed mo-fo Chihuahua would have licked up the puddle I'd left for clean-up ... then he would have decided to piss nearby. Then I would have chambered a round in my 9mm ... Well, we are just 'imagining' here, right?
Posted by: Drillanwr at June 06, 2010 09:06 AM (1kwr2)
#3
Or just get in the shower and pee there.
Hell so long as its hot water and you have an open drain you can drop a deuce without feeling guilty.
ESPECIALLY if it's not your shower.
Posted by: CAC at June 06, 2010 09:07 AM (Gr1V1)
Posted by: sTevo at June 06, 2010 09:07 AM (zIUsq)
Posted by: DJMoore at June 06, 2010 09:08 AM (auErC)
Posted by: Zombie Ted Kennedy at June 06, 2010 09:09 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Y-not at June 06, 2010 12:15 PM (Kn9r7)
I saw what you did there.
Posted by: rogerB at June 06, 2010 09:09 AM (Jramq)
Posted by: Drillanwr at June 06, 2010 09:10 AM (1kwr2)
#95
the question for Teddy is, does he pee BEFORE he forgets to unlock the car doors or six miles down the road, after he passed the fire station?
Posted by: CAC at June 06, 2010 09:11 AM (Gr1V1)
SyFy is proud to present...Atomic Twister!
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 09:11 AM (9hSKh)
SyFy is proud to present...Atomic Twister!
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 01:11 PM (9hSKh)
Category 85: Terror In New York City
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 09:13 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Barry Obama at June 06, 2010 09:14 AM (YVZlY)
seriously do not give that network any more ideas.
MANsquito
Ice Spiders
and Mega Shark V Giant Octopus
should have lead to its termination.
Posted by: CAC at June 06, 2010 09:14 AM (Gr1V1)
Posted by: Phil Smith at June 06, 2010 09:15 AM (KxNJJ)
Solids and semi-solids too, but sometimes you have too hand encourage it down the drain to get rid of all the evidence. Trust me on this.
Posted by: daleyrocks at June 06, 2010 09:16 AM (oAbFj)
Posted by: Drillanwr at June 06, 2010 01:10 PM (1kwr2)
After careful consideration, I voted "Present"
Posted by: Barack "Plato" Obama at June 06, 2010 09:16 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 06, 2010 09:17 AM (wd0Iq)
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 12:49 PM (Td5hP)
Not possible! Golly. Where am I? Has everyone forgotten?
We're going to have to have a flamewar thread soon, aren't we, you spastic pudding-slurping imbeciles.
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 09:17 AM (M3kw0)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 09:18 AM (OtzOP)
Posted by: Phil Smith at June 06, 2010 01:15 PM (KxNJJ)
YOU CAN'T HANDLE PARTYING WITH LAURAW !!Eleventy!!
Posted by: Tom Cruise at June 06, 2010 09:18 AM (YVZlY)
We're going to have to have a
flamewar thread soon, aren't we, you spastic pudding-slurping imbeciles.
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 01:17 PM (M3kw0)
Don't sing it, bring it. Make it happen Cap'n
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 09:20 AM (t72+4)
We're going to have to have a flamewar thread soon, aren't we, you spastic pudding-slurping imbeciles.
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 01:17 PM (M3kw0)
Hey! I've been working on the slurping part.
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent *slurp-slurp* at June 06, 2010 09:20 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 09:21 AM (Td5hP)
Of course. That just means it's time to go to work.
Posted by: Christopher Hitchens at June 06, 2010 09:22 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: daleyrocks at June 06, 2010 09:24 AM (oAbFj)
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 09:24 AM (QVpWo)
Sect 7, para 14.2
It is always acceptable to pee on kitchen floor if one or more of the following conditions are met:
a. said floor belongs to relative or neighbor
b. you paid for the beer and/or MD 20/20
c. "it was already wet"
d. you have no independent recollection of that specific event
e. the firearms are out of range
Posted by: nine coconuts at June 06, 2010 09:25 AM (DHNp4)
Another urine-soaking post?
Why do we keep getting threads about LauraW's fantasies?
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 01:24 PM (QVpWo)
I don't think it's a fantasy...
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent *slurp-slurp* at June 06, 2010 09:25 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Dwight Schrute at June 06, 2010 09:26 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 09:27 AM (OtzOP)
We're going to have to have a
flamewar thread soon, aren't we, you spastic pudding-slurping imbeciles. Posted by: lauraw
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 09:28 AM (zgd5N)
Why do we keep getting threads about LauraW's fantasies?
You wouldn't really want to see what fantasies Ace or the other cob loggers have in their heads, would you?
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 09:28 AM (YjIPf)
Posted by: Kasper Hauser at June 06, 2010 09:28 AM (bVj4V)
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 09:29 AM (QVpWo)
Heck, I don't like seeing what's in my head.
Posted by: Mark in Spokane at June 06, 2010 09:30 AM (Td5hP)
What if you are also hand-cuffed to the stove?
Well then, you don't have any excuse for not making breakfast, do you?
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 09:30 AM (YjIPf)
Posted by: Z Ryan at June 06, 2010 09:31 AM (cMo6P)
I got an ad for Democrats abroad appearing on my FB page because a lib friend "liked" them. Here's the descriptor:
Keep Hope Alive in 2010[.] Join US citizens around the globe from Antartica [sic] to Zambia...
--Hmmmmmm, why did they include Antarctica, which is not a recognized territory, but not a certain other country the alphabetically comes after Zambia?
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 09:31 AM (Mmw0q)
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 09:31 AM (QVpWo)
Therefore, I would take a parallel track and just tinkle away.
Pattern recognition is intelligence. It's science.
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at June 06, 2010 09:36 AM (/H6ex)
If it weren't for this post, I wouldn't have known this area was under a tornado watch.
Thanks, Ace O' Spades!
Posted by: Quint&Jessel, Sea of Azof, Bly, UK at June 06, 2010 09:36 AM (1kwr2)
Posted by: Y-not at June 06, 2010 12:15 PM (Kn9r7)
one more thing he has in common with this administration.
No, they're all paralyzed from the neck UP.
Posted by: RushBabe at June 06, 2010 09:36 AM (W8m8i)
Such a coincidence, last night after our bowling banquet we ended up at a Karaoke bar and this old guy with shows up, staggers up the steps, totally pissed himself front and back.
Then he sets up shop near our table and starts hugging the pretty girls in our group, they had no idea that he'd pissed himself. I just laughed.
Well at least we know what he vote was.
Posted by: Jaimo at June 06, 2010 09:37 AM (8sp1G)
Posted by: Editor at June 06, 2010 09:38 AM (LWk2G)
Posted by: 48%er at June 06, 2010 09:39 AM (OThQg)
Posted by: Barbarian at June 06, 2010 09:39 AM (EL+OC)
Posted by: logprof
Well, Facebook is your first problem. Second, isn't 'America,' alpha-meterically speaking, the bigger omission?
Thirdly-like, it's time to link your FaBoo* page to the People's Cube and watch how long it takes for your friends to wig out.
*©2010 Marv Inc. All rights reserved in perpetuity forever and ever. Amen.
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 09:39 AM (zgd5N)
-------------
Yes, but which way did you vote?
Posted by: Anachronda at June 06, 2010 09:40 AM (LD+ZJ)
You've been reading my diary again? This is not what you think. It's an experiment for my behavioral studies class. I believe Kinsey thought it up.
Posted by: Rocks at June 06, 2010 09:40 AM (L+wCz)
OT: I want this guys collection...right after they execute him!
Media silence on Iranian caught smuggling weapons across border to WA: http://bit.ly/aijSol
Agents found a .50-caliber sniper rifle, two .308-caliber sniper rifles, three .300-caliber sniper rifles, eight law enforcement style .223-caliber rifles, three Glock semi-automatic handguns, 100 .223-caliber magazines, 3,800 rounds of .223-caliber ammunition, various high-powered scopes and other equipment.
Sheriff Crabtree marveled at the find. 'Have you ever seen a .50-caliber round?' he asked. 'That’s a big round — the stuff you shoot at airplanes and tanks.'
Posted by: conscious and not laying in a pool of urine...any longer at June 06, 2010 09:41 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Editor at June 06, 2010 01:38 PM (LWk2G)
Ooooh, ooooh, Editor, I've been waiting to catch you on a thread. Did you hear about the ap that Pampers has for the iPad? Enter your baby's due date and it shows you to the day what your baby looks like and the stage of development. This could be the biggest unintended anti-abortion campaign evah.
Posted by: RushBabe at June 06, 2010 09:42 AM (W8m8i)
It looks like Will Folks!! Kill it!!
Posted by: Nikki Haley at June 06, 2010 09:44 AM (/H6ex)
Just read over at Malkin's site that Rush Limbaugh got married in Hawaii yesterday to a really hot blonde. The entertainment at the reception was none other than Sir Elton John.
That's gonna make quite a few lefty heads explode too.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 09:45 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at June 06, 2010 09:45 AM (/H6ex)
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 01:43 PM (YjIPf)
Thanks a lot. I didn't really want to eat lunch anyway.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 09:46 AM (t72+4)
Just remember, it could be much, much worse.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 01:43 PM (YjIPf)
He shouldn't have dined at Taco Bell before the race!
Posted by: conscious and wearing clean underwear at June 06, 2010 09:47 AM (YVZlY)
Holy #$%^!
"Limbaugh and Rogers, 33, hosted a rehearsal dinner luau for 400 close friends and family at the hotel Friday night and the wedding will take place at Limbaugh's beachfront mansion at an undisclosed time."
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 09:47 AM (zgd5N)
Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 06, 2010 09:47 AM (wd0Iq)
"I get the feeling that the womyn here are in denial about what men do in the shower."
You should see what some of em' do in the bedroom.
Posted by: Sandra Bullock at June 06, 2010 09:48 AM (t72+4)
It's summer and for those more than casual drinkers out there, driving that lawn chair or La-Z-Boy in your basement, the stained wife beater tee and two toned shorts, yellow in front and brown in back, have never gone out of style.
Posted by: daleyrocks at June 06, 2010 09:49 AM (oAbFj)
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 01:39 PM (t72+4)
--Well, technically speaking, whale oil is a renewable resource. He's going green!
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 09:49 AM (Mmw0q)
Where's the happy face pancake when you need it?
The pancake of which you speak was probably a very unhappy Rachel Corrie, but not to be confused with the IHOP Triple Decker with strawberries and whipped cream shaped like the face of Barack Obama.
Posted by: Fish at June 06, 2010 09:50 AM (v1gw3)
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 01:43 PM (YjIPf)
Classic Shart!
Posted by: Rocks at June 06, 2010 09:52 AM (L+wCz)
I'm pretty sure Rachel Corrie wasn't putting on a happy face with that CAT bulldozer sitting on top of her. Something more like an "Oh Fuck !" face.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 09:52 AM (t72+4)
Which is a damn shame, because Rush isn't "anti-gay". He doesn't care who sleeps with who, he doesn't like the politics of the militant gay-left.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 09:52 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: FIFY at June 06, 2010 09:53 AM (/H6ex)
Posted by: Will Folks at June 06, 2010 09:53 AM (YVZlY)
Rush took his pet cat Punkin' on the honeymoon to avoid liberal snickering about how he left the pussy at home.
Posted by: Fish at June 06, 2010 09:54 AM (v1gw3)
Posted by: Editor at June 06, 2010 09:54 AM (LWk2G)
You guys here about that porn actor who jumped to his death ? I wonder if it was really him or he used a stunt cock ?
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 09:55 AM (t72+4)
Strangle the guy and you're on your way! Unless it's the pilot, natch.
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at June 06, 2010 09:56 AM (/H6ex)
Posted by: Editor at June 06, 2010 01:54 PM (LWk2G)
Where are you headed to?
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent when pissing on the kitchen floor at June 06, 2010 09:57 AM (YVZlY)
Well, shit. They just asked if any medical doctors were onboard. We've only been inflight for about 35-minutes. Wonder if they're going to make us turn around.
Posted by: Editor at June 06, 2010 01:54 PM (LWk2G)
Editor, do you like movies about gladiators ?
Posted by: Captain Clarence Oveur at June 06, 2010 09:57 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 09:59 AM (QVpWo)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 10:00 AM (lJdhk)
Well, shit. They just asked if any medical doctors were onboard.
Didn't ABC just cancel this show?
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 10:00 AM (YjIPf)
Posted by: Editor at June 06, 2010 01:54 PM (LWk2G)
--That has happened to me once, in about the same time frame. I think I was flying from YWG to Calgary, and we had to turn around; I think the dude had some diabetic episode. Added over an hour to a flight that was barely that long.
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 10:00 AM (Mmw0q)
Posted by: Z Ryan at June 06, 2010 10:00 AM (cMo6P)
Posted by: Leslie Lielson at June 06, 2010 10:01 AM (4Kl5M)
Posted by: Editor
Chicken or fish?
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 10:01 AM (zgd5N)
Do I have a Gravity Headache? You know, the kind that hurts in relation to the distance of your head from the ground.
Is there a bag of kettle chips within reach?
Posted by: sifty at June 06, 2010 10:02 AM (P/Tzw)
Does the Doctor need to know how to speak jive?
Posted by: conscious, but incoherent when pissing on the kitchen floor at June 06, 2010 10:03 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 10:03 AM (zgd5N)
Posted by: Rocks at June 06, 2010 10:04 AM (L+wCz)
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 10:05 AM (QVpWo)
Posted by: sifty at June 06, 2010 10:05 AM (P/Tzw)
Posted by: Peaches at June 06, 2010 10:06 AM (fwW9R)
Posted by: eman at June 06, 2010 02:05 PM (QVpWo)
As long as he doesn't start eye-balling his drinks again.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:07 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Z Ryan at June 06, 2010 10:08 AM (cMo6P)
Back to the poll. It makes a difference if I can get my wing wang to stop pointing at my head or not.
ZRyan in
Something Wicked This way Pisses
Posted by: garrett at June 06, 2010 10:10 AM (dLrgn)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 10:11 AM (lJdhk)
Back to the poll. It makes a difference if I can get my wing wang to stop pointing at my head or not.
Posted by: Z Ryan at June 06, 2010 02:08 PM (cMo6P)
Yea, you wouldn't want to pull a Tub-Girl with one of those morning woodies.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:12 AM (t72+4)
gwar performing at a wedding...now that's AoS lifestyle approved! Hehe
Only reason to wear a White Dress is to get it covered in Blood, Bile and Semen!!!!
Posted by: garrett at June 06, 2010 10:12 AM (dLrgn)
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 10:13 AM (Mmw0q)
wing wang? You mean your short-sword or your own Blade?
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 10:15 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 10:16 AM (lJdhk)
I'd willingly attend a wedding that featured Disturbed.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 10:18 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 02:13 PM (Mmw0q)
The networks are afraid no one will watch the games on Saturday night because we'll all be out getting wasted so we can wake-up on the kitchen floor in a puddle of piss!
Posted by: David Hasselhoof at June 06, 2010 10:18 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Z Ryan at June 06, 2010 10:21 AM (cMo6P)
ABC's This Week
Subject: Oil spill
GEORGE WILL: So, it's Bush's fault? Just clear this up.
ZSA ZSA HUFFINGTON: It is absolutely a thousand percent Bush-Cheney's fault.
Well thanks for clearing that up Zsa Zsa!
Posted by: Fish at June 06, 2010 10:21 AM (v1gw3)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 10:22 AM (lJdhk)
Pee in the toilet? Or pee in the aforementioned big ol' puddle?
Posted by: antisocialist at June 06, 2010 10:22 AM (Rwudm)
Posted by: conscious and asking the 'hard' questions at June 06, 2010 10:23 AM (YVZlY)
Posted by: Fish at June 06, 2010 02:21 PM (v1gw3)
Thats funny, I thought BP was a British company. So wouldn't that make it Gordon Brown's fault ?
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:23 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Z Ryan at June 06, 2010 10:23 AM (cMo6P)
Do you even have to ask? This is a typical Saturday/Sunday morning for her.
Oh, mad props for sending the Storm of Doom East, Lacey. I love seeing the entire NE coast under a tornado watch.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 10:24 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: Comrade yeah, I answered too at June 06, 2010 10:24 AM (vRu8i)
Z,not even in my most incoherent drunken stooper was that a remote possibility.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 06, 2010 10:25 AM (nQ4Yd)
ZSA ZSA HUFFINGTON: It is absolutely a thousand percent Bush-Cheney's fault.
She's just upset that the Gulf doesn't share her Feminine Moisture Issues!
Ariana Huffington Stars in
All's Dry on the Southern Front
Posted by: garrett at June 06, 2010 10:27 AM (dLrgn)
Z,not even in my most incoherent drunken stooper was that a remote possibility.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 06, 2010 02:25 PM (nQ4Yd)
Never say never...just sayin'
Posted by: David Hasselhoff at June 06, 2010 10:28 AM (YVZlY)
not even in my most incoherent drunken stooper was that a remote possibility.
Ahhh, now the morons have a goal.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 10:29 AM (YjIPf)
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at June 06, 2010 10:29 AM (eNxMU)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 10:30 AM (lJdhk)
Posted by: The Great Satan's Ghost at June 06, 2010 10:31 AM (ukfwM)
Happy Bday, Dang!!
Don't get so schnockered you end up like 37% (according to the poll) of your fellow morons.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 06, 2010 10:35 AM (nQ4Yd)
I detect a little bit of rancor in the Maricopa Sheriff's diatribe. One correction. His suggestion the mayor shut up was entirely reasoned and politically correct. A better approach would be to tell the mayor to Shut the Fuck Up, Dickbreath!
Posted by: Fish at June 06, 2010 10:38 AM (v1gw3)
A self-pissing thread and she has not come up yet?
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 02:36 PM (Mmw0q)
That wasn't piss, she was thinking about me.
Posted by: Will Folks at June 06, 2010 10:38 AM (t72+4)
We're going to have to have a
flamewar thread soon, aren't we, you spastic pudding-slurping imbeciles.
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 01:17 PM (M3kw0)
Silly LauraW. Pudding's for dipping, not for slurping.
Posted by: Walter Sobchak at June 06, 2010 10:39 AM (iJrbB)
A better approach would be to tell the mayor to Shut the Fuck Up, Dickbreath!
Posted by: Fish at June 06, 2010 02:38 PM (v1gw3)
I'm kinda partial to "Shut your whore mouth, cock sucker !", but I understand he had to maintain civility and decorum
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:40 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Theresa D at June 06, 2010 10:40 AM (iGCmo)
Posted by: rdbrewer at June 06, 2010 10:41 AM (eUS3n)
Only AOSHQ could have a Sunday morning poll posted at 12:12 p.m.
Posted by: rdbrewer at June 06, 2010 02:41 PM (eUS3n)
Yep, and lauraw is on the East coast too. Okay, its all coming together now, with the poll and all.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:42 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: Cincinnatus at June 06, 2010 10:43 AM (r60xu)
It's brunch, dammit!
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 10:44 AM (zgd5N)
Wet Willie
Holy crap, that's a blast from the past. I still have them on vinyl, lol! They were awesome.
Posted by: Peaches at June 06, 2010 10:45 AM (fwW9R)
266 I don't even need to click on that to know what it is--a truly epic FML post. That thing made the rounds on the 'nets.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 06, 2010 10:46 AM (nQ4Yd)
Reminds me of this epic story about an unfortunate first date. Since you guys haven't been grossed-out yet.
Posted by: Cincinnatus at June 06, 2010 02:43 PM (r60xu)
HAHAHAHAHA !!!!
Awww man, that was funny and awful at the same time. I got tears coming out of my eyes.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:47 AM (t72+4)
Posted by: willow at June 06, 2010 10:48 AM (HyUIR)
"Mohamed Hamoud Alessa, 20, of North Bergen, and Carlos Eduardo "Omar" Almonte, 24, of Elmwood Park were apprehended at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens before they could board separate flights to Egypt, where they were to start journeys to Somalia. The men were arrested by teams of state and federal law-enforcement agents who have been investigating the pair since October 2006, according to the officials, who requested anonymity because they are not authorized to discuss the operation publicly."
Larry Kudlow exclaims, "Exports of jihadis up! Good news for the economy!"
( Investigation on-going since 2006? WTF? )
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 10:49 AM (zgd5N)
OMG this story is cracking me up. I'm only part way through and I'm already laughing my ass off, and unsure if I even want to read more.
Posted by: Zimriel at June 06, 2010 10:51 AM (v7xM8)
That was so bad...
Nice enough for the guy to provide detailed illustrations for his plight.
/And that's why you never hold it in.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 10:52 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: George Costanza at June 06, 2010 10:53 AM (dLrgn)
OMG, I almost pissed myself laughing at that.
Posted by: Peaches at June 06, 2010 10:54 AM (fwW9R)
"TEMECULA, Calif. -- An angry father is accused of using a stun gun on a 23 year old man who sent his 17 year old daughter an explicit cell phone picture."
It gets better.
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 10:54 AM (zgd5N)
OMG this story is cracking me up. I'm only part way through and I'm already laughing my ass off, and unsure if I even want to read more.
Posted by: Zimriel at June 06, 2010 02:51 PM (v7xM
If you think thats funny click on this link to H2 and scroll down to composmentis's story about an unfortunate event at his daughters soccer game after eating fast food.
One of the funniest things I have ever read on the internet.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 10:55 AM (t72+4)
OT: morons, Cliffbury Environmental:
Oil spill clean up n New Orleans $20 hr 8-12hrs/day (4-6 weeks) w/food,transport, & hotel. 1-800-899-7745
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 06, 2010 10:57 AM (YjIPf)
The district attorney's office on Wednesday charged Atwood with making criminal threats, false imprisonment, assault with a stun gun, assault with a deadly weapon and other gun charges.
Prosecutors declined to charge Moore in connection with the photo for lack of evidence, said district attorney's spokesman John Hall.
California is sooooooo fucked up.
Posted by: Peaches at June 06, 2010 10:58 AM (fwW9R)
Iran Offers Military Escort to Ships Breaking Gaza Blockade
Iran's Revolutionary Guards are willing to provide a military escort to cargo ships trying to break the Israeli blockade of Gaza, a spokesman for Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was quoted as saying Sunday. The news was carried by Reuters, quoting Iranian news agency Mehr.
Iran's Navy is teh suck, but combine that with their apparent willingness to help (along with Turkey), and you get...only chaos.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 10:59 AM (9hSKh)
Tinkling the old ivories, eh?
Posted by: andycanuck at June 06, 2010 10:59 AM (7b1Uc)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 11:00 AM (dJrBx)
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 03:00 PM (dJrBx)
--Well, it's good while driving.
Posted by: logprof at June 06, 2010 11:02 AM (Mmw0q)
Iran's Revolutionary Guards are willing to provide a military escort to cargo ships trying to break the Israeli blockade of Gaza, a spokesman for Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was quoted as saying Sunday. The news was carried by Reuters, quoting Iranian news agency Mehr.
Iran's Navy is teh suck, but combine that with their apparent willingness to help (along with Turkey), and you get...only chaos.
Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at June 06, 2010 02:59 PM (9hSKh)
Sweet. I'm sure the Israeli navy will welcome the torpedo and ASM practice.
Posted by: Blazer at June 06, 2010 11:04 AM (t72+4)
288 Is peeing in a bottle a body building thing or some kinda OCD thing??
Posted by: dananjcon at June 06, 2010 03:00 PM (dJrBx)
Depends on if you're male or female.
Posted by: dum blond at June 06, 2010 11:04 AM (gbCNS)
Yeah. And on Friday, CNN did some shit hit piece on Jindal for not talking to two old women "dioxin in the environment" nutcase activists (who the legislature wouldn't see either); including a phoney photo-op of the CNN shit-head and the two nutcases going up to the Governor's office's reception desk demanding to speak to him. I guess Governor Jindal is the wrong colour, too, to not be cut slack.
Posted by: andycanuck at June 06, 2010 11:04 AM (7b1Uc)
I'll take 'Shit Just Got Real' for $800, Alex.
Posted by: Marv Albert and the Tijuana Brass at June 06, 2010 11:06 AM (zgd5N)
FTFY.
Posted by: Waterhouse at June 06, 2010 11:19 AM (VyCQe)
Posted by: cackfinger at June 06, 2010 11:36 AM (TUBcJ)
A friend told me this.
Posted by: Will Folks at June 06, 2010 11:43 AM (2+9Yx)
Posted by: Quint&Jessel, Sea of Azof, Bly, UK at June 06, 2010 12:03 PM (GkYyh)
'Anyone notice Rickie Fowler is dressed like a Cheetoh at the Memorial?
Posted by: Y-not at June 06, 2010 12:11 PM (Kn9r7)
Pussies.
Posted by: lauraw at June 06, 2010 01:16 PM (DbybK)
The Moron Niche Market is secure. Congrats.
Posted by: AOSHQ Lifestyle Marketing Dept. at June 06, 2010 01:31 PM (/VSzV)
Posted by: Moron Marky Mark at June 06, 2010 02:10 PM (B4j3U)
Posted by: SDH at June 06, 2010 03:18 PM (s6TH7)
Posted by: Easy at June 06, 2010 03:27 PM (/IQA9)
Pee is sterile when it comes out. Or something. Anyway, you have to clean up once you drag your hungover carcass off the floor. Might as well enjoy a few more minutes of room spinning sleep.
My own personal opinion though? I draw the line at puke. At least enough to roll over. I'm just classy like that.
Posted by: DngrMse at June 06, 2010 05:52 PM (TTthN)
Posted by: Hiphone at June 22, 2010 07:28 PM (wtzZ0)
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Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at June 06, 2010 08:13 AM (PaoSD)