Ace of Spades HQ

November 30, 2010

The Post-Apocalyptic Thanksgiving Feast NFL Week 12 Pickem Results
— Dave in Texas

You're making your football picks, and you wanna land your football picks in solid double digits. You not only look at the spread, you look at the f'n win/loss records.

What are you lookin at?

Do you need me to get Vinny Falcone to show you the Vegas line?

Well do you?

joltin' j's 99
Quarreyman 98
Iowa Amy 98
Reggie Bush's Birth Cert 97
Commando Pete 96
Bruin 22 96

The Guys Get Shirts

Ben 87
DrewM 85
CDR M 81
Russ from Winterset 77
DiT 76

Full value for your money. Also could somebody please give me some intelligent f'n answers?

Put me some knowledge.

Also, because you haz been good, and I'm not at work.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at 03:40 PM | Comments (89)
Post contains 136 words, total size 1 kb.

1 THAT girl is cute as a button.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 03:41 PM (tJjm/)

Can she run tip-toe across 80 foot tall bamboo plants?

Bet she can!

Posted by: ErikW at November 30, 2010 03:45 PM (ZyzoD)

3 The Chargerettes (or whatever) are the hottest cheerleaders in the NFL.

Posted by: fluffy at November 30, 2010 03:49 PM (SwkdU)

4 I can't see her ass.

Posted by: dogfish at November 30, 2010 03:49 PM (IqdLq)

5 Cheerleaders are why we need an NFL franchise in LA. Imagine the hot selection pool. No shortage of baloon-boobed, bleach-blonde, gym-toned hotties out there.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 03:50 PM (c1oyg)

6

ahhhh. Much better.

Like a cold beer or a warm hot tub, that picture is.

Posted by: s'moron at November 30, 2010 03:50 PM (UaxA0)

7 Wait, my last comment was hetero-normative, thus insensitive to the feelings of gay football fans. I feel so shameless.

Posted by: fluffy at November 30, 2010 03:51 PM (SwkdU)

8 Fine,I was happy to be here.And the picture is beautiful. Tory burch Tory Burch Flat

Posted by: torulewye at November 30, 2010 03:51 PM (RxoQM)

9 Still bringing up the rear (And losing to DiT)

Posted by: MikeTheMoose© at November 30, 2010 03:51 PM (0q2P7)

10 Is she Asian? Asian women have such gorgeous hair.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 03:52 PM (c1oyg)

11 I heard that was Rum, but not sure.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at November 30, 2010 03:55 PM (JcRgg)

12 @10: yeah, I think so. Boobs kind of big for an Asian, but silicone will do that to a gal.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 03:55 PM (tJjm/)

13 Except for the Joker mouth.

Posted by: USS Diversity at November 30, 2010 03:58 PM (RWtqz)

14 No!! My eyes...must burn out with paint thinner!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 03:58 PM (c0A3e)

15 Is she Asian? Asian women have such gorgeous hair. yeah, I think so. Boobs kind of big for an Asian, but silicone will do that to a gal. I always ask for a passport to make sure.

Posted by: fluffy at November 30, 2010 03:59 PM (SwkdU)

16 Is she Asian? Asian women have such gorgeous hair.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 07:52 PM (c1oyg)

Some ladyfriends of mine say that Asian hair is the most difficult to work with because it's very stiff and very scaly.

I hear that hair care products are HUGE in Japan!

Posted by: ErikW at November 30, 2010 03:59 PM (ZyzoD)

17 16 Is she Asian? Asian women have such gorgeous hair. Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 07:52 PM (c1oyg) Some ladyfriends of mine say that Asian hair is the most difficult to work with because it's very stiff and very scaly. The pubes are like sandpaper, man!

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:02 PM (tJjm/)

18 I hear that hair care products are HUGE in Japan! Ha-yuh ca-uh products ah even biggah hee-ah!

Posted by: Revee-ah at November 30, 2010 04:02 PM (SwkdU)

19 Ecchh, 50% this week. Although that was enough to move me up two spots in Group 6.

Posted by: Waterhouse at November 30, 2010 04:04 PM (8Q9M+)

20
They have no pubes. And for this, they feel shame. [hai] *bows* [hai]

They get hair transplants for...down there.

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 04:04 PM (DTy7x)

21 My 20 yr. old daughter has a couple Asian girlfriends. When they come over, I just want to touch their hair. And then I'd like to.. (AHEM. I'd better stop there.)

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:06 PM (c1oyg)

22 I was told as a youth that the hoo ha was rotated 90 degrees. I have no proof one way or the other.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:07 PM (9q4PA)

23 @23: no, I'm afraid the slanted vajajay is just a rumor - to my deep disappointment.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:08 PM (tJjm/)

5 Cheerleaders are why we need an NFL franchise in LA

You already have a professional football team, USC.

Posted by: AmishDude at November 30, 2010 04:09 PM (BvBKY)

25 @23: no, I'm afraid the slanted vajajay is just a rumor - to my deep disappointment.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 08:08 PM (tJjm/)

Nah, it's not slanted. Just corkscrew - left hand thread. There was a 7th grade joke about that, I recall

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:10 PM (c1oyg)

26 23 @23: no, I'm afraid the slanted vajajay is just a rumor - to my deep disappointment.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 08:08 PM (tJjm/)

I don't believe you and insist on a wide-ranging study that I will conduct personally.

Posted by: AmishDude at November 30, 2010 04:11 PM (BvBKY)

27 20 They have no pubes. And for this, they feel shame. [hai] *bows* [hai] They get hair transplants for...down there. Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 08:04 PM (DTy7x) That reminds me - I wonder how many guys have ever been able to persuade their wives to actually shave their vajajays? Alas, all the guys I've asked in person report sadly that all they managed to get was "The Look," after which they stopped asking.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:12 PM (tJjm/)

28 Nah, it's not slanted. Just corkscrew - left hand thread. Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 08:10 PM (c1oyg) REALLY??

Posted by: Porky the Pig at November 30, 2010 04:14 PM (tJjm/)

re: cheerleader

that's an angel~

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:14 PM (HLGCA)

30 That reminds me - I wonder how many guys have ever been able to persuade their wives to actually shave their vajajays?

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 08:12 PM (tJjm/)

I'd feel like a child molester. Just trim the hedges from time to time.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:15 PM (c1oyg)

31 27 20
They have no pubes. And for this, they feel shame. [hai] *bows* [hai]

They get hair transplants for...down there.
Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 08:04 PM (DTy7x)

That reminds me - I wonder how many guys have ever been able to persuade their wives to actually shave their vajajays?

Alas, all the guys I've asked in person report sadly that all they managed to get was "The Look," after which they stopped asking.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 08:12 PM (tJjm/)

That is what girlfriends are for. /unmarried snark

(and yes, like sandpaper)

Posted by: In Exile at November 30, 2010 04:15 PM (5HVYj)

32 I personally like the booosh. Makes it look less scary.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:15 PM (9q4PA)

33 @30: all kidding aside, the few times I actually an encountered a shaved one I thought it looked like a defrosted cornish game hen.

Posted by: Porky the Pig at November 30, 2010 04:17 PM (tJjm/)

34 I can't see her ass. Posted by: dogfish at November 30, 2010 07:49 PM (IqdLq) Ain't ya got an imagination?

Posted by: nevergiveup at November 30, 2010 04:17 PM (0GFWk)

35 Off, sock! I'm not Porky, I'm Czech!

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:18 PM (tJjm/)

36 Alas, all the guys I've asked in person report sadly that all they managed to get was "The Look," after which they stopped asking.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 08:12 PM (tJjm/)

To be fair, have you ever tried to shave your nuts?

I did out of curiousity, once.

Just once.

Posted by: ErikW at November 30, 2010 04:18 PM (ZyzoD)

37 @Erik

Worst razorburn ever. Ahh, to be young and stupid

Posted by: In Exile at November 30, 2010 04:19 PM (5HVYj)

To be fair, have you ever tried to shave your nuts?

I did out of curiousity, once.

Straight razor or saftey razor?

Deposit your man card in the nearest mailbox.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:20 PM (9q4PA)

39 This thread has suddenly taken a queer turn...

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:21 PM (tJjm/)

Nose hair clippers ain't just for noses. Just saying. If you want your balls held, in the hand or otherwise, it's just common decency.

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:22 PM (HLGCA)

41 Lefthand thread, huh?

Dammit!

Posted by: Righthand-threaded Guys Everywhere at November 30, 2010 04:22 PM (veZ9n)

42 Tried Nair--there-- right before football camp. Big mistake.

Posted by: USS Diversity at November 30, 2010 04:23 PM (RWtqz)

43 Yeah. this thread would seem a lot less gay if any moronettes were here.

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:23 PM (HLGCA)

44 You all should have seen the Chinese cheerleaders for the Asian games. Wowser.

Posted by: In Exile at November 30, 2010 04:23 PM (5HVYj)

45 I could have lived the rest of my life without knowing some of this stuff. Thanks alot.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:24 PM (9q4PA)

46 I suck at the picks, at the picks.

Posted by: toby two times at November 30, 2010 04:24 PM (S5YRY)

47 this thread is a hog-fest

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 04:26 PM (DTy7x)

48 Tried Nair--there-- right before football camp. Big mistake.

Posted by: USS Diversity at November 30, 2010 08:23 PM (RWtqz)

What in the WORLD would possess you to do that before football camp? - as I recall, not the most metrosexual environment.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:26 PM (c1oyg)

49 http://tinyurl.com/37rm4f5

Chinese cheerleaders for your viewing pleasure.

Posted by: In Exile at November 30, 2010 04:26 PM (5HVYj)

50 Boobs kind of big for an Asian, but silicone will do that to a gal. Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 07:55 PM (tJjm/) Or a pushup bra. If she had implants more likely than not it would be obvious. Still, its California. And hey, theres always Hitomi Tanaka to prove the Asian adage wrong.

Posted by: CAC at November 30, 2010 04:26 PM (lV4Fs)

51 Now that is some healthcare that I am talkin about!

Posted by: sTevo at November 30, 2010 04:27 PM (VMcEw)

When used correctly, Nair is about as painless as childbirth.

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:27 PM (HLGCA)

Posted by: toby two times at November 30, 2010 08:24 PM (S5YRY)

Thanks for bringing this thread back to sanity. Wish I could get my hands on the guy that derailed it.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:27 PM (9q4PA)

54 48 Haha! Kratos thought he was safe now that I don't have blogger keys anymore for the football threads!

Yet another reminder that this world is neither simple nor safe.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:29 PM (c0A3e)

55 Perhaps she's just of the same genetic line as the big boobed japanese girl that can't squeeze through openings in the door.

Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2010 04:30 PM (oVQFe)

56
is it true when you eat an Asian you get hungry again in an hour look forward to reading your fortune cookie?

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 04:30 PM (DTy7x)

57 Perhaps she's just of the same genetic line as the big boobed japanese girl that can't squeeze through openings in the door.

Hitomi Tanaka. Look her up on LiveLeak.

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:31 PM (HLGCA)

^{_{The DoD should've done a survey on whether cheerleaders help with morale!}}

They boost my morale every. damn. time.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2010 04:31 PM (8x4z4)

59 that can't squeeze through openings in the door. Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2010 08:30 PM (oVQFe) again, Hitomi Tanaka.

Posted by: CAC at November 30, 2010 04:31 PM (lV4Fs)

60 43 Yeah. this thread would seem a lot less gay if any moronettes were here. Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 08:23 PM (HLGCA) Yeah! Why aren't they out yet? It's sundown.. and they always come out at night...

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:32 PM (tJjm/)

61 meh, Mitosis Claribel > Hitomi Tanaka. Of course both fall within the reasonable range.

Posted by: CAC at November 30, 2010 04:32 PM (lV4Fs)

62 55 The DoD should've done a survey on whether cheerleaders help with morale!

They don't, well, at least they don't for me. 8 years of playing football from midget to HS Varsity... not once has a cheerleader bolstered my spirit in any way.

Is there something wrong with me?

/Don't answer!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:32 PM (c0A3e)

63 58 is it true when you eat an Asian you get hungry again in an hour look forward to reading your fortune cookie? Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 08:30 PM (DTy7x) No, but you're horny as hell an hour later.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:33 PM (tJjm/)

64 #62 Yeah! Why aren't they out yet? It's sundown.. and they always come out at night...

I ain't complaining.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:33 PM (c0A3e)

Hitomi Tanaka. Look her up on LiveLeak.

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 08:31 PM (HLGCA)

If we had a decent search function you could search the website and see all the posts and comments dedicated to her.

Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2010 04:34 PM (oVQFe)

66 Boobs kind of big for an Asian, but silicone will do that to a gal.
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 07:55 PM (tJjm/)

Or a pushup bra. If she had implants more likely than not it would be obvious. Still, its California.

Posted by: CAC at November 30, 2010 08:26 PM (lV4Fs)

ALL Breasts are beautiful. (Well, besides the knee-length granny boobs. And then it depends on how long it's been since I've been in intimate contact with said rack...after a while, I'd do Aunt Bea. ....)

In general, the female breast is perfect.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:34 PM (c1oyg)

67 No, but you're ability to parallel park is impaired horny as hell an hour later.

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 04:35 PM (DTy7x)

What in the WORLD would possess you to do that before football camp? -

Seemed like the thing to do at the time?

Posted by: USS Diversity at November 30, 2010 04:35 PM (RWtqz)

69 No breast exists that cannot be improved by me pawing crudely at it for a somewhat uncomfortably long time

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:37 PM (HLGCA)

70 #68 ALL Breasts are beautiful. (Well, besides the knee-length granny boobs. And then it depends on how long it's been since I've been in intimate contact with said rack...after a while, I'd do Aunt Bea. ....)

You've just negated your own statement,

.

Those sheaths of flesh and fat are only useful for feeding babies. Otherwise they are a strain on a woman's body structure, along with being the cause of too much trouble and decadence.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:37 PM (c0A3e)

71 70+ posts and no one's mentioned the NFL yet. All the posts have concentrated on hawt Asian vajajay. I'm proud of you morons!

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:37 PM (tJjm/)

72 Otherwise they are a strain on a woman's body structure, along with being the cause of too much trouble and decadence. Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 08:37 PM (c0A3e) Well so is mounting their ass doggy style!

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:38 PM (tJjm/)

73 When I was young I asked my mom if I could do something because my freind got to do that something. She said, "If your freind shaved his balls would you do the same?" Lesson learned.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:39 PM (9q4PA)

74 Those sheaths of flesh and fat are only useful for feeding babies. Otherwise they are a strain on a woman's body structure, along with being the cause of too much trouble and decadence. Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 08:37 PM (c0A3e) Motorboat a pair that leaves you black and blue, then come back to me with that one. AA belongs on a battery. The bra-lphabet begins with the letter D.

Posted by: CAC at November 30, 2010 04:40 PM (lV4Fs)

Hey. We haven't had a totally pointless and divisive flame war since shortly after Christine O'Donnell lost.

Who here owns a Wii?

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:40 PM (HLGCA)

76 Those sheaths of flesh and fat are only useful for feeding babies. Otherwise they are a strain on a woman's body structure, along with being the cause of too much trouble and decadence.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 08:37 PM (c0A3e)

You must be a leg man. I HAVE legs. Give me titties.

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:41 PM (c1oyg)

77 OK, I'm really getting worried about the Moronettes... have they gone the way of the Entwives?

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:41 PM (tJjm/)

78 #76 They didn't at least bake you brownies or cookies on gameday? WTH man? You got jipped!

Some do that? Who'd thunk?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:42 PM (c0A3e)

79 77 When I was young I asked my mom if I could do something because my freind got to do that something. She said, "If your freind shaved his balls would you do the same?" Lesson learned. Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 08:39 PM (9q4PA) Correct Answer: "You mean like Dad?"

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:43 PM (tJjm/)

80 Cheerleaders might not get my blood flowing, but this garbage will:

Virginia federal judge tosses challenge to Obama health care law, upholds coverage mandates http://on.msnbc.com/gduppx

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:43 PM (c0A3e)

81 83 #76 They didn't at least bake you brownies or cookies on gameday? WTH man? You got jipped! Some do that? Who'd thunk? Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 08:42 PM (c0A3e) They'll do even more if you stroke them slowly and make them purr!

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:43 PM (tJjm/)

82 77 When I was young I asked my mom if I could do something because my freind got to do that something. She said, "If your freind shaved his balls would you do the same?" Lesson learned.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 08:39 PM (9q4PA)

Now THAT'S some good parenting, right there

Posted by: Ombudsman at November 30, 2010 04:44 PM (c1oyg)

They'll do even more if you stroke them slowly and make them purr!

Nobody's ever made my balls purr.

What

Posted by: Truman North at November 30, 2010 04:46 PM (HLGCA)

84 Now THAT'S some good parenting, right there
Posted by: Ombudsman

I read that as getting a free pass to follow the stupid friend.

Posted by: sTevo at November 30, 2010 04:47 PM (VMcEw)

85 #86 They'll do even more if you stroke them slowly and make them purr!

You speak from experience? Regardless, um, no thanks,

.

Some of you might be interested that I'm watching an episode of TftC with a young Teri Hatcher in it.

And of course, her zombie lover/protector saves her from death. blah!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 30, 2010 04:48 PM (c0A3e)

86 I wonder where I can get some travel info...

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 30, 2010 04:48 PM (tJjm/)

87
I have to admit that a few of this season's South Park episodes were damn good.

Medicinal KFC was the best episode ever.

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 04:48 PM (DTy7x)

88 I read that as getting a free pass to follow the stupid friend.

Posted by: sTevo at November 30, 2010 08:47 PM (VMcEw)

I read it different. Thank my lucky stars.

Posted by: Ronster at November 30, 2010 04:49 PM (9q4PA)

89 Medicinal KFC was the best episode ever. Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at November 30, 2010 08:48 PM (DTy7x) Cartman's head exploding edges out the destruction of Burning Man as the scene of the season.

Posted by: CAC at November 30, 2010 04:51 PM (lV4Fs)

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