Ace of Spades HQ

April 02, 2010

The post in which I prove my Pop Culture creds...
— Jack M.

If:

CBS's Jeff Probst hosted a very special episode of "Survivor:Guam" in which the dueling tribes were composed of the cast of NBC's "The Biggest Loser" and the first elimination vote was held over a slow motion montage of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton singing "Islands in the Stream"...

Would:

Rep. Hank Johnson's head explode like in "Scanners" or melt like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

Posted by: Jack M. at 05:46 AM | Comments (158)
Post contains 87 words, total size 1 kb.

1 If Dolly Parton was on her back on Guam and turned to one side...

Rep. Johnson?

Posted by: kidney at April 02, 2010 05:48 AM (xyjty)

2 But Hank the tilt Johnson said we were just not nuanced and he didn't mean the island would actually tilt when he said the island would tilt.

Posted by: Vic at April 02, 2010 05:48 AM (QrA9E)

3 Hmmm, maybe he'd get firestartered?

Posted by: alexthechick at April 02, 2010 05:53 AM (8WZWv)

4 It would ASS-plode.

Posted by: devilish at April 02, 2010 05:53 AM (vyRPu)

5 Perhaps it would be "peeled off" like in Poltergeist.......BUGS!!!OMG!!!MAGGOTS!!!BUGS!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 05:54 AM (Ncr1R)

6 I personally think it would explode like a watermellon about 25 yards in front of Gunnery SGT R. Lee Ermey.

Posted by: Barbarian at April 02, 2010 05:57 AM (EL+OC)

7 I said watermelon. Is that racist?

Posted by: Barbarian at April 02, 2010 05:57 AM (EL+OC)

8 Is tat a watermelon jokes, Mr. Rather....umm...Mr. Barbarian? RAAACCCCCCIIIISSSTTTTTTTTT!!!!! Sure hope Matthew Yglesias doesnt see that! For your sake. He's hard on racial comments you know.

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 05:58 AM (Ncr1R)

9 Am I missing something, or has the left wing completed neglected their hysterical cries of "racist" over this whole Guam-tilt-gate?

Posted by: nine coconuts at April 02, 2010 05:59 AM (DHNp4)

10 I said watermelon. Is that racist?

Only to a lib.
To everyone else it's just a fruit.

Posted by: Deathknyte at April 02, 2010 05:59 AM (n7wSO)

11 Ummm...In "Raiders of the Lost Ark", there were actually three heads that met gruesome demises: Belloq's head exploded, Toht's head melted, and Colonel Dietrich's head shrank.

Posted by: gmsc at April 02, 2010 06:00 AM (AMrHH)

12

Maybe if we took a tugboat and towed Guam to the west coast and super-glued it to California everything would be alright.

Mr. Johnson, what say you?

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:00 AM (t72+4)

13 I thought I was Protein Wisdom for a minute.

Posted by: mastour at April 02, 2010 06:01 AM (kTTiP)

14 gmsc Comic Book Guy looks at you and says "Best. Soulmate. Ever."

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:02 AM (Ncr1R)

15 Given his party affiliation, I'd suspect his head would transform ala Ghost Rider.

Posted by: MDr VB1 CS at April 02, 2010 06:03 AM (ucq49)

16 Only to a lib.
To everyone else it's just a fruit.

Posted by: Deathknyte at April 02, 2010 09:59 AM

Homophobe.

Posted by: Perez Hilton at April 02, 2010 06:04 AM (4XzsU)

17 Mastour, You should have known this wasn't PW. I didn't write a 10,000 word essay about Schroedenger's cat, linguistic interpretation or pill popping armadillos. I could, mind you, but it's Friday and I'm lazy.

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:05 AM (Ncr1R)

18

This post is practically begging for a flaming Hank Johnson head.

I preemptively denounce myself as a racist.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:08 AM (t72+4)

19 like i didn't have enough to worry about and then you add this?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 02, 2010 06:08 AM (ucxC/)

20 As vacuous as Hank is I think his head will implode.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at April 02, 2010 06:08 AM (tf9Ne)

21

Well I would say something about zombie movies, but I'm pretty sure that a brain-eating zombie would starve to fucking death if left in a room alone with Hank Johnson

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:10 AM (t72+4)

22 Haw can something capsize without tipping?

Posted by: CUS at April 02, 2010 06:11 AM (wOGfT)

23 When he shakes his head, can you hear a rattle?

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 06:11 AM (dQdrY)

24
When he shakes his head, can you hear a rattle?

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 10:11 AM (dQdrY)

There are probably attics in 200 year old homes that have lest dust and less cob-webs than Hank Johnson's head does.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:12 AM (t72+4)

The Scanners eruption certainly had more pizzazz.

Are there budgetary constraints to consider? Is the AOSHQ fine arts department limited by an austerity program?

Posted by: Fritz at April 02, 2010 06:13 AM (GwPRU)

26
Johnson's head would "self pop off" and a milky fluid would spray everywhere like Ash getting whacked in Alien. Then he'd gurgle, "Least widest, capsize..." and burst into flames.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2010 06:14 AM (UA4gE)

27 Or is the punching up/down joke getting old? Does it make a difference around here? Baconz!!1!

Posted by: fluffy noticed the pattern at April 02, 2010 06:14 AM (4Kl5M)

28 "Are there budgetary constraints to consider?" Umm...yeah. How much was that hobo carrying when we rolled him? And by "hobo", I mean "Drew M."

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:14 AM (Ncr1R)

29

Maybe Johnson had one of those mind controlling eels put into his ear like Chekov and Terrell did in Star Trek II: Wrath Of Khan.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:17 AM (t72+4)

30 I didn't write a 10,000 word essay about Schroedenger's cat.

Don't really need 10,000 words for that. You can do it in 2.

Dead Kitty.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 06:18 AM (e8T35)

Pffft...Dolly Parton, red kneck PIKER!

Posted by: Christy Canyon at April 02, 2010 06:19 AM (pr+up)

32

Maybe like Terrell, he'll jump up from his seat in the House one of these days and turn his phaser on himself before he says something stupid again.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:19 AM (t72+4)

33 Hank Johnson owes the people of Guam an apology for implying that they are all stupid enough to stand on one side of the island at the same time.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 06:19 AM (IqfKc)

34
Maybe Johnson would start crawling around on the ceiling like that old lady in Exorcist 3. Saying crazy shit about "capsizing" and "least widest" and "climb up here where it's safe" in a squeaky high pitched old lady voice.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2010 06:20 AM (UA4gE)

35 I picked up Atlus Shrugged this morning, and just got done reading it.

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 06:20 AM (V8B//)

36
Johnson should apologize to the waiters and waitresses of Guam after raising such a fuss about tipping leading to the island capsizing.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2010 06:22 AM (UA4gE)

37 I picked up Atlus Shrugged this morning, and just got done reading it. Picking it up in one hand would cause you to tip over.

Posted by: fluffy at April 02, 2010 06:23 AM (4Kl5M)

38 Sorry, but Hank Johnson's brain has already melted, by all outward indications.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at April 02, 2010 06:23 AM (i3AsK)

39 What if everyone on Guam sang "I'm a little teapot" in unison?

Posted by: grognard at April 02, 2010 06:24 AM (v0kvW)

40 If his brain packed up and left, would anyone notice?

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 06:24 AM (dQdrY)

41 If Guam were to start sinking, they could use Dolly's hooters as floatation devices.

Posted by: conscious and grumpy at April 02, 2010 06:24 AM (YVZlY)

42

Guam is not an island !

It is a styrofoam cooler from 7-11 that someone accidentally knocked overboard on a fishing trip that poor people took to living on.

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson at April 02, 2010 06:25 AM (t72+4)

"Or is the punching up/down joke getting old?"

Huh?

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at April 02, 2010 06:25 AM (gryhv)

44 37 I picked up Atlus Shrugged this morning, and just got done reading it.

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 10:20 AM (V8B//)

HEY! I see you went to the Phil Hare speed reading intsitute too! I just finished War-N-Peace with my first coffee & cigarette of the day.

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:25 AM (pr+up)

45 If everyone were to leave Guam, would it float away?

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 06:25 AM (V8B//)

46 What if everyone on Guam sang "I'm a little teapot" in unison? Set a course for Earth. We have a song to interrupt.

Posted by: Darth f'in Vader at April 02, 2010 06:26 AM (4Kl5M)

47 @46 Just finished reading the Torah with my early lunch.

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 06:27 AM (V8B//)

Would:

Rep. Hank Johnson's head explode like in "Scanners" or melt like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

Yes.

Posted by: John F Not Kerry at April 02, 2010 06:27 AM (HF2US)

49 Johnson's head may be too dense to explode.

Posted by: kansas at April 02, 2010 06:28 AM (mka2b)

50 26

The Scanners eruption certainly had more pizzazz.

Are there budgetary constraints to consider? Is the AOSHQ fine arts department limited by an austerity program?

With our budget we would have to show his head shaking for a few seconds and then edit in footage of Gallagher smashing a watermelon*.

*Watermelons are racist, so smashing one with a big hammer would be totally "not racist".

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 06:28 AM (IqfKc)

51 Dolly Parton must be confined to major continents, her clevage would surely cause dangerous imbalances on smaller land masses.

Posted by: Hank Johnson at April 02, 2010 06:28 AM (swdn+)

52 Rover from The Prisoner would suffocate them all, one by one. Slowly. I love happy endings.

Posted by: KilltheHippies at April 02, 2010 06:29 AM (VKfXw)

53 Hell, I finished all three volumes of Shelby Foote's narrative of the Civil War on the crapper this morning.

Posted by: The Outlaw in the Heavenly Hall at April 02, 2010 06:29 AM (gryhv)

54 If Guam tips over I expect it will be because Mr. Johnson was stoking the engines of Cynthia McKinney's love-boat-to-Gaza world tour and it got too close.

Posted by: AntiSoviet at April 02, 2010 06:30 AM (bTmVz)

55
If everyone were to leave Guam, would it float away?

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 10:25 AM (V8B//)

Hopefully if that ever happens our president would have the Navy dispatch an attack sub to torpedo it before it goes off careening into Hawaii or something.

Sooner or later, this business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:30 AM (t72+4)

56 43 If Guam were to start sinking, they could use Dolly's hooters as floatation devices.

Posted by: conscious and grumpy at April 02, 2010 10:24 AM (YVZlY)

Dolly!! Dolly!! DOLLY!! I'm sick of this bitch. Every one loves Dolly...great now she's saving tropical islands from disaster. Is their anythying the bitch can't do?? I can suck the chrome off a bumper, I'd like to see that old hay-seed try!

Posted by: Christy Canyon at April 02, 2010 06:30 AM (pr+up)

57 Jack M, you're straight. Leave the superficial gay references to Gabe, m'kay? It's a cultural thing.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at April 02, 2010 06:30 AM (iNYJL)

58 How can something capsize without tipping?

Coming soon from 20th Century Fox

The Poseidon Adventure : A New Dawn

Pursued by misanthropic homophobic racist teabaggers Congressmen Hank Johnson and Maxine Waters are forced to flee the mainland, fearing their lives are in danger after a random siting of both an American Flag and the State Flag of Tennessee are spotted in a crowd of protesters outside the capitol.

Arriving on the mysterious Isle of Guam, they believe themselves to be safe until the Evil Corporate entity McDonald's on the other side of the island servers one of it's customers one to many calorie packed Angus burgers and a super sized soda, causing the customer to gain just enough weight to cause the entire island to capsize.

Our brave duo must fight their way through a maze of tunnels in the center of the island, trying to find a way up to the top and out to safety and freedom.

After several harrowing hours and a few million bucks worth of CGI, they finally reach the top only to discover that while they were gone the Obama Administration had managed to pass Crap and Tax and Amnesty bills, so that their was no freedom left anywhere.

But on the upside that nasty Ronald McDonald got his ass killed deader than Elvis when the island tipped over.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 06:30 AM (e8T35)

59 I'm thinking a combination of Large Marge from 'Peewee's Big Adventure' and Night Stalker from 'Mad Max.'

Posted by: nickless at April 02, 2010 06:30 AM (MMC8r)

OT: Uh-oh, Likud MK's must be racist!

Likud MK: Not even "Hussein Obama" will remove us from Hebron.

The masses that have come here, including the 40 members of the Land of Israel caucus, are a guarantee and proof that no one will move us from the Cave of the Patriarchs, not even Hussein Obama," MK Ayoob Kara (Likud) told the crowd.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:31 AM (9hSKh)

61 Richard McEnroe: HETERONORMINATIVIST!!!11!!!1!!1

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:34 AM (Ncr1R)

62 Pffft...got you all beat. Das Capitol while "servicing" Mrs. dananjcon last night!

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:34 AM (pr+up)

63 How come nobody gives a shit about Saipan?

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 06:34 AM (IqfKc)

64 But wouldn't a cranial explosion/meltdown require at least a minimal amount of cranial content? More likely there'd just be a gentle hissing as the gasses slowly leaked out.

Posted by: Chainsaw Chimp at April 02, 2010 06:34 AM (pLTLS)

65 If everyone were to leave Guam, would it float away?

It would go zoom to the moon!

Posted by: CUS at April 02, 2010 06:34 AM (wOGfT)

66 65 How come nobody gives a shit about Saipan?

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 10:34 AM (IqfKc)

Saipan?

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at April 02, 2010 06:35 AM (YVZlY)

64 Pffft...got you all beat. Das Capitol while "servicing" Mrs. dananjcon last night!

The things you learn about people on AoS...heh.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:36 AM (9hSKh)

68
How come nobody gives a shit about Saipan?

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 10:34 AM (IqfKc)

How about Bikini? If that sinks or capsizes all of the trees they pick bikinis off of will be killed and that would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:36 AM (t72+4)

69 If you like your island upright, you can keep your island upright.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 06:38 AM (dQdrY)

70 #70 Bikini's already been nuked though. Capsizing it might be a plus.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:39 AM (9hSKh)

71 I wonder if Johnson would become a Fiscal Con if you explained to him that all the money and personnel becoming centered in DC was imminent danger of making America tip over.

Posted by: nickless at April 02, 2010 06:39 AM (MMC8r)

72 Jack M: Did you see the Powerline guys picked up one of your epic posts?

Posted by: Uncle Jed at April 02, 2010 06:39 AM (eKgqT)

73 OT and unexpected: Unemployment -- including the census workers -- stalled at 9.7%

Change!

Posted by: AmishDude at April 02, 2010 06:40 AM (T0NGe)

74 Heads 'sploding!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MhgnMX73Pw

Posted by: CUS at April 02, 2010 06:40 AM (wOGfT)

75 It's not the people, it's the pineapples. You've never heard of pineapple upside down cake?

Posted by: duh! at April 02, 2010 06:40 AM (4Kl5M)

76 71 If you like your island upright, you can keep your island upright.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 10:38 AM (dQdrY)

hhehe..solid B+

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:40 AM (pr+up)

77 Uncle Jed: No. Which one?

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:40 AM (Ncr1R)

78 70
How come nobody gives a shit about Saipan?

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 10:34 AM (IqfKc)

How about Bikini? If that sinks or capsizes all of the trees they pick bikinis off of will be killed and that would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 10:36 AM (t72+4)

Or those Northern Marianas Islands!! If those went under, where would we get all that delicious Mariana sauce to put on our spaghetti???? Would you wingnuts please start thinking about the real issues for a change??

Posted by: Hank Johnson at April 02, 2010 06:41 AM (pLTLS)

79
If you like your island upright, you can keep your island upright.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 10:38 AM (dQdrY)

All of these islands should start their own chapters of The Upright Citizens Brigade.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:42 AM (t72+4)

80 First, they came for Guam and I said nothing.

Posted by: Okinawa at April 02, 2010 06:42 AM (dQdrY)

Easter Island?? Than what would all us evil Chritians do?

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:43 AM (pr+up)

82 If Guam tips over, it will be because they didn't tack properly.

Posted by: grognard at April 02, 2010 06:43 AM (v0kvW)

83 Or those Northern Marianas Islands!! If those went under, where would we get all that delicious Mariana sauce to put on our spaghetti???? Would you wingnuts please start thinking about the real issues for a change?? Don't forget the bunnies on Easter Island.

Posted by: guy with an axe embedded in his skull at April 02, 2010 06:44 AM (4Kl5M)

84 Pffft...got you all beat. Das Capitol while "servicing" Mrs. dananjcon last night!

And it was just like the best part of a football game, the two minute drill. Thanks, Hon.

Posted by: Mrs. dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:44 AM (s5Wo4)

Here's a soul that should have been consigned to Tartarus a long time ago.

Birthday bash for 'dying' Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Al-Megrahi sickens crash victims' kin
Was appeasing the Libyans worth it?

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:44 AM (9hSKh)

86 Unemployment on Guam held steady in March at 92% as the island unexpectedly maintained a profits to tipping ratio of 52%. President Obama welcomed the good news and praised the people of Guam for their, "Righteous weed, um, I mean, steadiness and native sense of balance".

Posted by: eman at April 02, 2010 06:44 AM (3fzoU)

87 Your "interview" with Hank Johnson... Its a post by Scott entitled "The Sum of All Fears" dated today.

Posted by: Uncle Jed at April 02, 2010 06:44 AM (eKgqT)

I think this was covered in Posieden Shrugged.

All islands fear the mighty tread of the USMC.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 06:44 AM (dQdrY)

89 Saipan?

Saipan has those freaky coconut crabs

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 06:45 AM (V8B//)

#85 Don't forget the bunnies on Easter Island.

Or all the snakes on Snake Island. Lord knows how worse off the world will be without deadly golden lancehead snakes.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:45 AM (9hSKh)

91

Just what the hell do you people think Rose clung onto for dear life when the Titanic sunk?

That wooden trunk turned out to be Iceland, which is home to hundreds of thousands of eskimos today.

Posted by: Rep. Hank Johnson at April 02, 2010 06:45 AM (t72+4)

92 84 If Guam tips over, it will be because they didn't tack properly.

Posted by: grognard at April 02, 2010 10:43 AM (v0kvW)

Really...the a-holes would probably serpentine instead.

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:46 AM (pr+up)

93

Jack M.

Linky to PowerLine:

The Sum of All Fears

Posted by: Ed Anger at April 02, 2010 06:47 AM (7+pP9)

93 Just what the hell do you people think Rose clung onto for dear life when the Titanic sunk?

That wooden trunk turned out to be Iceland, which is home to hundreds of thousands of eskimos today.

I stand corrected then. If Rose had tried to share the door with Jack, who knows how many eskimos would have died. Jack didn't die in vain!

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:47 AM (9hSKh)

95 Easter Island is a good metaphor for today's religion of AGW.

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 06:47 AM (dQdrY)

96 Saipan has those freaky coconut crabs Holy nuckfutz!

Posted by: fluffy heads for the tundra at April 02, 2010 06:48 AM (4Kl5M)

97 86 Pffft...got you all beat. Das Capitol while "servicing" Mrs. dananjcon last night!

And it was just like the best part of a football game, the two minute drill. Thanks, Hon.

Posted by: Mrs. dananjcon at April 02, 2010 10:44 AM (s5Wo4)

Thanks hon...your so sweet, Snookums!

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:48 AM (pr+up)

98 Oh great! Now that creepy Restasis chick has infultrated my interwebs, I swear that bitch is following me. (see top banner ad)

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 06:50 AM (pr+up)

99 This is why no one cares about Saipan.

Demon Crabs!

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 06:50 AM (V8B//)

100 Saipan has those freaky coconut crabs

Here crabbie, crabbie, crabbie.

Posted by: Morimoto with a HUGE FUCKING knife at April 02, 2010 06:51 AM (wOGfT)

101 Oh, and Jack M: I'm afraid to inform you that the lovely and gracious Remi Spencer from Red Eye has been crowned queen of FN.

Posted by: Uncle Jed at April 02, 2010 06:51 AM (eKgqT)

102

Ya' gotta love Yahoo. They're trying their damnedest to push the meme that Johnson was just joking when he made those comments and playing an April Fools joke, even though he made the comments on March 25th.

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:52 AM (t72+4)

103 It would float away like The Red Balloon.

Posted by: Editor at April 02, 2010 06:52 AM (pUfK9)

104 mjim @ 101...

Wow, a live version of Half-Life! Who gets to be Gordon Freeman?

Posted by: tmi3rd at April 02, 2010 06:52 AM (u+G1L)

105

Those demon crabs look like they'd be fun to hunt with a .22.

Posted by: Ed Anger at April 02, 2010 06:53 AM (7+pP9)

106 Island tipping wouldn't be a problem if Joo submarines stopped sawing through the anchor lines.

Posted by: eman at April 02, 2010 06:53 AM (3fzoU)

107 <scroll, scroll, scroll...

krack, scroll, scroll ....>

Posted by: Garbonzo the Garrulous at April 02, 2010 06:54 AM (w8ddH)

108 Thanks Jed and Ed. I hadn't seen that. One day I really have to start reading other blogs. But, the way I see it, until I commit to actually reading this one, I can't be held responsible for failing to read the others.

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:54 AM (Ncr1R)

109

Wow, a live version of Half-Life! Who gets to be Gordon Freeman?

Posted by: tmi3rd at April 02, 2010 10:52 AM (u+G1L)

Lol. Explains my immediate impulse to shoot 'em.

Posted by: Ed Anger at April 02, 2010 06:54 AM (7+pP9)

110
Thanks Jed and Ed. I hadn't seen that. One day I really have to start reading other blogs.

But, the way I see it, until I commit to actually reading this one, I can't be held responsible for failing to read the others.

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 10:54 AM (Ncr1R)

heh

Posted by: Blazer at April 02, 2010 06:55 AM (t72+4)

111

104 Ya' gotta love Yahoo. They're trying their damnedest to push the meme that Johnson was just joking when he made those comments and playing an April Fools joke, even though he made the comments on March 25th.

They've been doing that garbage for a while. Last time I looked at a Yahoo "news report" a few weeks ago, they were parrotting some AP drones that there was nothing to the "ClimateGate" revelations, while trashing the owner of Climate Audit.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:55 AM (9hSKh)

112 "One day I really have to start reading other blogs." Isn't this the reason for the day job?

Posted by: Uncle Jed at April 02, 2010 06:57 AM (eKgqT)

113 "Oh, and Jack M: I'm afraid to inform you that the lovely and gracious Remi Spencer from Red Eye has been crowned queen of FN. " Well Suzanne Sena abdicated (did she give up her throne to be with me? I'll never tell) her position at the network, so it was only a matter of time until a replacement was crowned.

Posted by: Jack M. at April 02, 2010 06:57 AM (Ncr1R)

114 101 This is why no one cares about Saipan.

Demon Crabs!

Posted by: Mjim at April 02, 2010 10:50 AM (V8B//)

Those demon crabs look familiar.

Posted by: Janeane Garafalo at April 02, 2010 06:57 AM (YVZlY)

115

Ok...Ok...The cake is a lie but you can keep your plan.

Posted by: Barry S. at April 02, 2010 06:58 AM (pr+up)

116

106 Wow, a live version of Half-Life! Who gets to be Gordon Freeman?

Dude, not me. Freeman looked a bit too emo for me.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 06:58 AM (9hSKh)

117

Ok...Ok...The cake is a lie but you can keep your plan.

Posted by: Barry S. at April 02, 2010 10:58 AM (pr+up)

The cake is a lie?

Oh dear sweet Jesus, noooooooooooo !!

Posted by: Rosie O'Donkey at April 02, 2010 06:59 AM (t72+4)

118

#119 The cake is a lie?

It won't be if you can solve the Riddle of Steel.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 07:01 AM (9hSKh)

119 Hank Johnson is such a waterhead that if his cranium ever exploded you'd drown. But have pity on the man. Rush was saying yesterday that his brain is addled from a bad case of Hep C--which affects the liver, I know, but hey--I'm a racist teabagger, not a doctor.

Posted by: Milesdei at April 02, 2010 07:02 AM (FS9ko)

120
http://tinyurl.com/y8s27h8

DRUDGE headline: Doctor tells Obama voters to get lost.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at April 02, 2010 07:03 AM (0fzsA)

121 75 OT and unexpected: Unemployment -- including the census workers -- stalled at 9.7%

Change!

Let me introduce you to the "Liberal Syllogism":

1. Europeans are teh awesome
2. European countries all have double digit unemployment
Therefore: high unemployment is teh awesome.

The science is settled

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 02, 2010 07:03 AM (IqfKc)

122 OT: New anti-Obama billboard appears in Georgia http://bit.ly/bnbUox

Posted by: conscious and hungover at April 02, 2010 07:07 AM (YVZlY)

123
Who is going to unseat that ASSHOLE Alan Grayson(D-nozzle) in FL?

He's gotta a go.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at April 02, 2010 07:08 AM (0fzsA)

124

Its a post by Scott entitled "The Sum of All Fears" dated today.

Lol.. the Hepatitis C Disclaimer cracks me up. It doesn't cause "confusion" or lack of concentration at all. Hepatitis C can lead to cirrhosis of the liver which can lead to these symptoms eventually, but Hepatitis C itself doesn't have such symptoms.

And having dealt with people who suffer from cirrhosis of the liver, even more advanced cases, yes it can cause them to sometimes lose their place in a sentence or forget what they were discussing.

It has never, to my knowledge, turned a person with half a brain into a witless fucking moron who is dumber than a box of hair and then returned them to normal moments later.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 07:09 AM (e8T35)

125 120

#119 The cake is a lie?

It won't be if you can solve the Riddle of Steel.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 11:01 AM (9hSKh)

Please..I barely made it through the depths of Hades, those 3 judge assholes and Zeus.

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 07:11 AM (pr+up)

126

What's this I hear about Free Republic sending letters to 30 governors telling them to resign in three days or they "will be removed"? It was just on Fox.

Posted by: Ed Anger at April 02, 2010 07:12 AM (7+pP9)

127

It has never, to my knowledge, turned a person with half a brain into a witless fucking moron who is dumber than a box of hair...

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 11:09 AM (e8T35)

That comes from the D after his name, not the C after Hepatitis.

Posted by: Tami at April 02, 2010 07:15 AM (VuLos)

128 32. Actually, you need 3 words: Dead kitty. Maybe.

Posted by: PKO Strany at April 02, 2010 07:15 AM (RJOgX)

129

Would: Rep. Hank Johnson's head explode like in "Scanners" or melt like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

If it exploded, it'd be like a balloon - empty of anything but air.

If it melted, it'd be like dry ice - sublimating, without leaving any residue.

The only function his atomic particle sized brain has, is to make his lips move.

Posted by: franksalterego at April 02, 2010 07:15 AM (+6fgE)

130 An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

H. L. Mencken

Posted by: Rat Patrol at April 02, 2010 07:16 AM (dQdrY)

131 #126 Thanks for that, I didn't think Hep C caused brain damage. Of course, one can't be blamed for coming to that conclusion if they only knew Pam Anderson and Hank Johnson had Hep C. Both of these people were brainless before Hep C.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 07:16 AM (9hSKh)

132

My step-dad lived with Hep C for 35+ years before succumbing to liver cancer last summer. He was the smartest, sharpest man I've ever know and he would always remind me of it!

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 07:20 AM (pr+up)

133

#127 Please..I barely made it through the depths of Hades, those 3 judge assholes and Zeus.

At least you made it.

/I thought the three judges were a nice touch in GoW3.

Posted by: Kratos (missing from the side of Mt Olympus) at April 02, 2010 07:20 AM (9hSKh)

134
128

Yep.

http://tinyurl.com/yafplp6

A stunk that will backfire, I'm sure.
l

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at April 02, 2010 07:22 AM (0fzsA)

135

Would:

Rep. Hank Johnson's head explode like in "Scanners" or melt like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

------

Well, melting would clearly indicate a Zionist conspiracy by neocons (aka "JOoooos") so I'll go with that choice.

Posted by: Y-not at April 02, 2010 07:22 AM (Kn9r7)

136

Yes, but having to go back to the to release their statues w/Hercules' Nemus Cletus fists cornfused me.

Posted by: dananjcon at April 02, 2010 07:24 AM (pr+up)

137

It's Guam-USA bitches.

Just ask them, they're proud to be Americans there.

Posted by: Max Entropy at April 02, 2010 07:25 AM (uuZjB)

138

It has never, to my knowledge, turned a person with half a brain into a witless fucking moron who is dumber than a box of hair and then returned them to normal moments later.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 11:09 AM (e8T35)

Please don't compare me to Hank Johnson. I run with a better crowd than that.

Posted by: a witless fucking moron at April 02, 2010 07:25 AM (YVZlY)

139

Actually, you need 3 words: Dead kitty. Maybe.

Well, perhaps :

Dead Kitty. Hopefully.

Or perhaps:

Sniff .. Sniff Ugh..

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 07:26 AM (e8T35)

140 128

What's this I hear about Free Republic sending letters to 30 governors telling them to resign in three days or they "will be removed"? It was just on Fox.

Posted by: Ed Anger at April 02, 2010 11:12 AM (7+pP9)

Yep.

http://tinyurl.com/yafplp6

A stunk that will backfire, I'm sure.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at April 02, 2010 11:22 AM (0fzsA)

LK's link calls them 'Guardians of the free Republics'....not the same thing as FreeRepublic.com

Posted by: Tami at April 02, 2010 07:28 AM (VuLos)

141

Please don't compare me to Hank Johnson. I run with a better crowd than that.

I extend my most heartfelt apologies to any witless fucking morons who might have been offended by my previous post. I also will not be engaging in the typical "I was taken out of context" bullshit since my meaning was abundantly clear. However if you are truly a witless fucking moron I should probably point out at this juncture that you wouldn't have the slightest clue what I'm talking about anyway, but my apologies nonetheless.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 07:29 AM (e8T35)

142 As I have always said, I inherited this Island tipping problem from George Bush. You will not have your island capsized, tilted or even slant a few degrees if you make under $250,000 per year. In fact, there will be island non tipping for 95% of Pacific Islanders.

Posted by: Baracky Obami at April 02, 2010 07:29 AM (fwSHf)

143
uh - that would be "stunt"

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at April 02, 2010 07:30 AM (0fzsA)

144 However if you are truly a witless fucking moron I should probably point out at this juncture that you wouldn't have the slightest clue what I'm talking about anyway, but my apologies nonetheless.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at April 02, 2010 11:29 AM (e8T35)

My client WFMoA accept your heartfelt apology even though we don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Posted by: the Attorney for Witless Fucking Morons of America at April 02, 2010 07:36 AM (YVZlY)

145 I'm going for: would slowly melt then explode complete with fireball-y combustion

Posted by: unknown jane at April 02, 2010 07:40 AM (5/yRG)

146 neither. his head would fall off, as if hit by Oddjob's hat

Posted by: A.G. at April 02, 2010 07:47 AM (BgD0W)

147 Saipan may have demon crabs, but Guam has boobys.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 02, 2010 07:48 AM (I/MqP)

148 Let me try that again...

Saipan may have demon crabs, but Guam has boobys.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 02, 2010 07:51 AM (I/MqP)

149 Here--Boobys

http:/tinyurl.com/yl3epbs

Posted by: CUS at April 02, 2010 07:55 AM (wOGfT)

150 "A very special episode" is one of the conditions that trips jumping the shark.

Not that Survivor really ever needed anyone to talk about shark-jumping.

Posted by: The Black Republican at April 02, 2010 09:35 AM (bt3om)

151 I have not posted here in some time, but someone is following me around, stealing my stuff. No love, no hat tip, nothing. I'm feeling like a tax payer.

Posted by: Awnree at April 02, 2010 12:12 PM (B+JdP)

152

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153 <a href="gogohttp://www.hotair.com">go</a>

Posted by: someguy's idiot kid at April 03, 2010 07:32 AM (qUdDE)

154

can't get this shit right, guess i didn't punch down hard enufff, what does dad know anyway

Posted by: someguy's idiot kid at April 03, 2010 07:35 AM (qUdDE)

155 abc

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