August 05, 2010
— Ace 10. Asked a studio audience about the weather in Muncie, then repeated the word "Muncie" while mugging, because repeating common words is gut-bustingly funny
9. Never fails to tell Tom Brokaw he seems to have "a really good bead on things"
8. Recycled a Wacky Products item from 1982, though the reference to Yahoo Serious was lost on most audience members
7. Set up a "found comedy" bit by cheating on his baby-mama and getting blackmailed over it; then "extended the premise" by the leaking the creepy detail that he has a sex room right above his studio
6. Updated his act smoothly from 1990s to 2000s by revamping classic "Broken-Down Old Man Perving Out On Drew Barrymore" into fresh new comedy rotine "Broken-Down Old Man Perving Out On Zoey Deschanel"
5. Rote repetition of stock homey catchphrases like "Well my Gosh" and "Goodness me" and "Well shucks" just never get old
4. Fascinating to watch the evolution of a self-hating narcissist into a self-hating misanthropic narcissist
3. Exciting comedy bits like "Will It Blend?" and "Is This Something?" followed up with even more daring "What's On TBS Right Now?"
2. Crisp, penetrating interviews continue to reveal interesting details about guests' latest vacation trips, how old their children are and if they have any pets, and if they've heard if Zoey Deschanel is into "mature gentlemen"
...and the Number One Reason David Letterman Is Still The Ratings Champ...
1. Increasingly elderly viewership has mistaken the show for a long unresolved plot arc of Diagnosis Murder
Hm: How good am I? I guessed he would perv out on Zooey Deschanel, and yup, he sure did. (I've never seen this; I've seen the show three times in fifteen years.)
I just knew she'd be the type he'd go after -- pretty, sweet, and young enough to be his daughter's younger sister's niece.
Zooey Deschanel here mentions she once lived in a "socialist dictatorship" and, get this, she means it in a bad way.
Posted by: Ace at
11:45 AM
| Comments (96)
Post contains 351 words, total size 3 kb.
1. Increasingly elderly viewership has mistaken the show for a long unresolved plot arc of Diagnosis Murder
I loled. Where's the damn Kagan thread?
Posted by: Truman North at August 05, 2010 11:50 AM (e8YaH)
1. Increasingly elderly viewership has mistaken the show for a long unresolved plot arc of Diagnosis Murder
They probably use it as a night light.
Posted by: katya, the designated driver at August 05, 2010 11:50 AM (hsBue)
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2010 11:51 AM (KUUXH)
Posted by: Larry King's Corpse at August 05, 2010 11:51 AM (e8YaH)
Posted by: Rat Patrol at August 05, 2010 11:51 AM (dQdrY)
No. I envy you. I wish I hadn't heard of Zoey until now (and her crappy movies).
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 11:52 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at August 05, 2010 11:52 AM (i3AsK)
Posted by: XBradTC at August 05, 2010 11:53 AM (X0Ona)
Yahoo Zoey Deschanel looks like a Captcha
Posted by: Truman North at August 05, 2010 11:54 AM (e8YaH)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 05, 2010 11:54 AM (UOM48)
#1 should be #2, because it's the funny one, and #9 should be #1, because it's the shortest, and it's not "Buttafuoco" or "Boutros." There's a science to this crap.At least there used to be, last time I saw the show, back when Winger owned the other Top 10.
Posted by: oblig. at August 05, 2010 11:54 AM (x7Ao8)
I haven't, but she's taken. She recently married Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie.
/Would you want her to be into "mature bloggers"? It means you have even less of a chance Ace,
. Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 11:55 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: curious at August 05, 2010 11:55 AM (p302b)
Posted by: Atomic Roach at August 05, 2010 11:56 AM (rMMMP)
Posted by: curious at August 05, 2010 11:56 AM (p302b)
...and the Number One Reason David Letterman Is Still The Ratings Champ...
1. Increasingly elderly viewership has mistaken the show for a long unresolved plot arc of Diagnosis MurderLong ago, #1 was the gap between his front teeth. Apparently, things have changed ......
Posted by: Jean-Pierre Folderol at August 05, 2010 11:56 AM (BqSr3)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 05, 2010 11:57 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: Zooey Douchehandles or some shit at August 05, 2010 11:58 AM (e8YaH)
Posted by: Ben at August 05, 2010 03:56 PM (wuv1c)"
Ugh....well he could have put himself on the court....so that's a plus right?
Posted by: curious at August 05, 2010 11:58 AM (p302b)
We didn't die on the Kagan hill.
That's good, right? But I'm thinking maybe we shoulda at least climbed the hill and looked around a bit and maybe planted a flag.
Posted by: no mr. bond, i expect you to die at August 05, 2010 11:58 AM (uFokq)
Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at August 05, 2010 11:59 AM (kJXs1)
Where the hell do they come up with these names? Katie Couric
Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 05, 2010 12:01 PM (UOM48)
You SC morons, please do something about Lindsey Graham, I'm begging you.
Why the hell did Sarah Pac contribute to his 2014 primary campaign?
Posted by: Marybeth at August 05, 2010 12:03 PM (hBRoa)
Posted by: Atomic Roach at August 05, 2010 12:07 PM (rMMMP)
Posted by: slug at August 05, 2010 12:07 PM (DkJNu)
Yes, but I was going after the extra ick factor and mentioning Piper. How old is she, like 7?
Posted by: EC at August 05, 2010 12:09 PM (mAhn3)
Maddow does not have a cooch. He must have borrowed it from someone else.
Posted by: CUS at August 05, 2010 12:09 PM (wOGfT)
It's hard to argue with logic like that.
Posted by: WalrusRex at August 05, 2010 12:10 PM (xxgag)
I didn't know who she was either but I didn't bother. I watched about 2 min of the video and decided she was an airhead.
Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 12:10 PM (/jbAw)
Sorry, O/T but this made me smile a lot more than anything that has ever come out of Letterman's mouth. From Michael Barone in regards to the elections in MO and MI (and should have the Dems screaming for MOMMY!):
The big news is that in both states nearly twice as many voters chose to participate in the Republican primary as in the Democratic primaryÂ…
Another way to look at it: Republicans won 66% of the two-party vote in Michigan and 65% of the two-party vote in Missouri. Quite a contrast from the 2008 presidential election, in which Barack Obama carried Michigan 57%-41% and lost Missouri by the extremely narrow margin of 0.2%.
Bwhahahaha! Oh, and to quote our Dear Reader, I am
"FIRED UP!!1111 READY TO GO111!!!1111
Posted by: runningrn at August 05, 2010 12:12 PM (CfmlF)
But Ace, where is the clip of Maddow dancing on his desk and flashing her cootch?
OK, looks like I won't be able to hold down any food for the next couple days. Thanks a lot, jerk.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 05, 2010 12:15 PM (plsiE)
Craig Kilbourne beats both of them, in my opinion.. but who can stay up that late? Oh wait.. all you weirdos in the ONT, that's who!
Posted by: ChiTown Jerry at August 05, 2010 12:15 PM (f9c2L)
Bones' (Emily Deschanel) sister. She's an actress and musician. I'm not fond of her movies, such as that SyFy craptaser Tin Man and The Happening.
She's not exactly hard on the eyes.
Decadent!
/Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 12:16 PM (9hSKh)
♫ And then there's Maude
And then there's...
That old compromisin', enterprisin', anything but tranquilizing,
Right on Maude! ♫
Posted by: no mr. bond, i expect you to die at August 05, 2010 12:16 PM (uFokq)
( I'd hit it even while having a heart attack; I'd hit it while undergoing radical invasive surgery; I'd hit it blindfolded before a firing squad, etc, etc............ )
Posted by: SantaRosaStan at August 05, 2010 12:17 PM (uP7xk)
That's where we are, ol' chums.
We went from learned scholars on the Court to...to...frikkin' Maude on the bench, a liberal activist.
A know-nothing academic. A hack. A bureaucrat masquerading as an educator.
Posted by: no mr. bond, i expect you to die at August 05, 2010 12:19 PM (uFokq)
That she is and her movies suck!
RE the "socialist dictatorship" comment. I was kinda impressed by that, so I can't rag on her as hard as I used to, but until she can articulate why socialism leads to a dearth of consumer goods, she's just another Hollyweird airhead to me.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 12:19 PM (9hSKh)
Posted by: SteveN at August 05, 2010 12:20 PM (7EV/g)
He must be swallowing or spitting w/ Someone Big at NBC to have stayed on the 'air' this long
Posted by: SantaRosaStan at August 05, 2010 12:21 PM (uP7xk)
As it was in the beginning, it is now and ever shall be--Letterman is a doofus.
But cut him some slack on the "Muncie" bit. Letterman spent four years in college there as a communications major at Ball State University.
He knows Muncie--and frankly, if you've spent four years there, you probably have a right to mug when you think about it.
Posted by: Comanche Voter at August 05, 2010 12:22 PM (ktYjH)
Posted by: SantaRosaStan at August 05, 2010 12:22 PM (uP7xk)
No wonder I couldn't remember who she was.
Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 12:25 PM (/jbAw)
I never realized that Zooey was related to Emily. Just thought it was a Bones gag to have her on... and also did not realize they share the same last name until just now. They don't look very much alike.
Some of her movies suck, but some are good. Pretty typical for an actress. I've liked her since hearing her sing in Elf. Tin Man was pretty good, actually. Better than the Alice re-do.
As to Letterman - I didn't realize he was still on the air. Late night tv is dead to me, always has been.
Posted by: soulpile at August 05, 2010 12:33 PM (gH+Hj)
One of the questions buried in Reason #2, "how old their children are," Letterman asks when he wants to know whether it is necessary to lawyer up.
Creepy and dull and stupid. Pretty much an older Bill Mahrer.
Posted by: Show us where the bad host touched you at August 05, 2010 12:35 PM (uBt1N)
Posted by: al at August 05, 2010 12:35 PM (4nxhP)
Posted by: Old Grouch at August 05, 2010 12:39 PM (24ezj)
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at August 05, 2010 12:41 PM (9Cooa)
Posted by: Moi at August 05, 2010 12:42 PM (Ez4Ql)
young enough to be his daughter's younger sister's niece.
Wouldn't it be easier to say youngest daughter? Forget it, he's on a roll. Blather on, Blutarsky!
Posted by: Jay in Ames at August 05, 2010 12:44 PM (UEEex)
Posted by: Moi at August 05, 2010 12:47 PM (Ez4Ql)
Posted by: notropis at August 05, 2010 12:51 PM (wOlTh)
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at August 05, 2010 12:52 PM (eNxMU)
Posted by: davidt at August 05, 2010 12:53 PM (HtIec)
She was the blond in Elf??? OK, she was good in that. (but only up to the first 3 times I saw it).
Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 12:54 PM (/jbAw)
Posted by: davidt at August 05, 2010 12:54 PM (HtIec)
Years ago, I purposely stayed up to watch Letterman to see an interview with a particular actor... only reason I watched the show, which I didn't really watch anyway.
First part of the show was the allegedly funny bit called "Wheel of Meat." IIRC, it consisted of someone spinning a wheel with pictures of different meats on it, and he gave whatever meat came up - a canned ham or some such thing - to an audience member.
Wow. Wheel of Meat. So funny, I forgot to laugh.
Never watched since and that was 6 years ago.
Posted by: La Mauvaise New Yorkaise at August 05, 2010 12:56 PM (8uZ8A)
Posted by: CoolCzech at August 05, 2010 12:56 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: Barney Frank at August 05, 2010 12:59 PM (tJjm/)
That wasn't her cootch. It was one of Harry Reid's cocaine-addled monkeys that she keeps strapped to her thigh at all times.
Posted by: kathysaysso at August 05, 2010 01:14 PM (ZtwUX)
Posted by: Moi at August 05, 2010 01:22 PM (Ez4Ql)
Posted by: Formerly known as Skeptic at August 05, 2010 01:54 PM (91XRk)
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2010 02:24 PM (KUUXH)
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2010 02:26 PM (KUUXH)
To be fair, I think a lot of guys (myself included) would perv out on Zooey..
Posted by: Dave C at August 05, 2010 03:22 PM (V7Ud6)
73: Before Windows boots, hit F8 to bring up the safe mode menu. Choose safe mode. When the dialog box appears, asking if you want to boot into safe mode or run system restore, run system restore and roll your system back to a day before the infection happened. Then it'll reboot, and you can scan to get rid of the files the virus left on your hard drive and in your registry.
This is all fresh in my mind, because it happened to me last weekend, ruining the weekend for me.
Posted by: Oschisms at August 05, 2010 03:30 PM (+39HX)
Posted by: Sally Ann Cavanaugh at August 05, 2010 03:34 PM (FRErk)
Posted by: Sally Ann Cavanaugh at August 05, 2010 07:34 PM (FRErk)
--Check out his ratings, sister. We're not the only ones who find him unfunny. It's a bipartisan phenomenon.
Posted by: logprof at August 05, 2010 05:15 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Dave C at August 05, 2010 07:27 PM (V7Ud6)
Posted by: Blackwell at August 07, 2010 11:10 AM (pWDJD)
younger than Jay's ( not 'elderly') and always have higher incomes and educationed viewers than the other talk shows. That's why critics and advertisers like him. Its also why so many people writing here are angry. They can't comprehend him. Lot of bozos writing here. Talk about sad and bitter people!
Posted by: dan zippy at August 07, 2010 11:20 AM (AIO1i)
Posted by: binweevils at December 07, 2010 06:31 PM (C24u9)
Posted by: rmt at June 17, 2011 06:08 AM (HBYXu)
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Posted by: BackwardsBoy at August 05, 2010 11:47 AM (i3AsK)