November 25, 2010
— Open Blogger What would Thanksgiving be without a litany of disasters? There's something about the holidays – a particular alignment of the stars, perhaps – that makes them especially prone to oversights and errors in planning, preparation, execution, and presentation.
Here at Casa de Cthulhu, the gf and I are having a traditional meal – roast turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, spiced carrots, pumpkin pie. Our original target time for the feast was 4:00....which is now less than an hour away. True to form, we've already run into some difficulties.... * We got a turkey breast rather than an entire turkey – after all, it's just the two of us – and it's a bit different from previous years. Glancing at the wrapper after its purchase, I noted several warnings about how it should not be defrosted before roasting – which I thought a bit peculiar. Only after the netting with the price tag was removed did I see the “remove from freezer and put in refrigerator 1-2 days before roasting” and the end of the defrosting warning, “on counter”.
Further, the interior cavity of the bird contained a free packet of gravy, which I only discovered after having attempted to defrost the bird in the oven. Of course, it was frozen solid against the interior of the bird and would not be dislodged.
My original intent was to dry-roast the turkey, but after dislodging the gravy packet I was concerned that the exterior might get too dry while the interior was catching up – so it's now in a covered roasting pan with a bit of water and some herb cuttings from our garden.
* My significant other was in charge of making the pumpkin pie. In the general confusion of working in a small galley kitchen, she managed to put it together on the main prep area and pop it into the oven without noticing that the evaporated milk was still over by the can opener. We got the warmed pie out before it had baked too much and remixed the filling.
What amusing (non-fatal) errors and omissions have you had so far?
Posted by: Open Blogger at
02:39 PM
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Post contains 364 words, total size 2 kb.
I put this on the other post, so sorry for the repeat, but...
The kids were horseplaying and knocked over the table with all the pies. I've been fasting w/out sweets for five days in honor of today. Okay so Gandhi I am not, but still. No pie. Sadness. It was like the scene out of A Christmas Story -- well minus the bloodhounds and the Chinese restaurant. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!
But that doesn't mean I overconsumed. I'm currently in fatgirl pants© so mission accomplished!
Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 25, 2010 02:46 PM (OTUMY)
Do yourself a favor and have crazy sex with the GF and orfer Chinese Take-Out.
This is sage advice.
Posted by: garrett at November 25, 2010 02:47 PM (Y07w4)
Posted by: DrSteve at November 25, 2010 02:52 PM (Yv5Ti)
Isn't this entry cross-referenced in the blog book of rules, sub-paragraph 86 at ibid, 'Life According to Erma Bombeck.'
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 02:52 PM (LwLqV)
Lacey..... i came home with a plate that has a slice of pumpkin pie, slice of pecan pie. piece of upsidedown pineapple cake, and a big pile of banana puddin on it....... your welcome to half.
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 02:55 PM (+7uJU)
I have a similar story. My mother's cooking organization and savvy has prevented any major Thankgiving meal disasters. However, her unblemished record was almost broken a few years ago when my little brother, for reasons that still elude me, decided to put the turkey from the refrigerator back into the freezer 2 days before Thanksgiving. I only caught this error late that Wednesday night.
Hilarity did not ensue, only sleeplessness trying to thaw that damn turkey in time.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 02:57 PM (c0A3e)
Isn't this entry cross-referenced in the blog book of rules, sub-paragraph 86 at ibid, 'Life According to Erma Bombeck.'
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 06:52 PM (LwLqV)
I can't imagine anything more dull and/or droll.
I feel ya.
Posted by: ErikW at November 25, 2010 02:58 PM (y/nrW)
Posted by: DrSteve at November 25, 2010 03:01 PM (Yv5Ti)
Posted by: Yojimbo at November 25, 2010 03:01 PM (O1FkO)
hey remember during the Reagan/Bush/Bush years when we'd see all the sap stories on the news about the homeless -- esp during the holidays?
think we'll see more of the same three yrs into this dempression?? anyone? anyone?
Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 25, 2010 03:03 PM (OTUMY)
Banana Pudding, you say...
Posted by: garrett at November 25, 2010 06:57 PM (Y07w4) ...........
*L* yeah. i came real close to telling them all there, Hey guess what me and all the people i know at the AoSHQ do with puddin.......... then i thought well maybe this is not the time.......
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 03:05 PM (+7uJU)
lol, your hash is most appropriate then "OTUMY" (Oh' Tummy!).
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 03:05 PM (c0A3e)
Posted by: Tommy Gunnar at November 25, 2010 03:06 PM (rQTdM)
"OTUMY" (Oh' Tummy!).
Did not even notice!! Still not as good as the PMS one I had a few weeks back......!
Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 25, 2010 03:07 PM (OTUMY)
Posted by: Yojimbo at November 25, 2010 03:08 PM (O1FkO)
Should have thrown it into a vat of boiling oil.
Thanks for the advice, Mike. My parents occasionally voice a desire to rebuild their house properly after it burns down...
. /Would homeowners' insurance cover that though?
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 03:08 PM (c0A3e)
Made a mess of the pizza pan, but everything was fine in the end. Was worried the bird would be dry, but it came out perfect
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 03:10 PM (zyaZ1)
Posted by: The Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred at November 25, 2010 03:11 PM (THQxs)
So I doubled down on the pressure bit, in an attempt to force it through the tip and allow me to finish filling up all of the boiled egg halves. Well, the bacon bit won the battle of wills, and the pastry bag exploded, sending egg filling all over the kitchen, basically everywhere except into the hollowed out egg-whites. Pretty much a magnitude-5 mess.
We scooped up what we could and just spooned the remains instead of using a fancy pastry bag tip. They were the ugliest deviled eggs ever--they looked like a first grade art project--but they were still damn tasty.
Posted by: Original Mikey at November 25, 2010 03:13 PM (fD5ag)
It was mid-40s during the day, now it is in the mid-30s. No snow or ice anticipated though, which is good because I'm going to a friend's in a little bit.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 03:13 PM (c0A3e)
I also saved the turducken fat. It was so delicious that I made it into little tbsp sized blobules and frozen them. I figure there must be some sort of use for them. (Suggestions welcome!)
The biggest disaster from my childhood was the year the cat leapt into the open fridge and pulled down the turkey carcass.
My first year as a wifey I cooked the turkey upside down without realizing it and then when I went to carve it (on the bony back) I thought that I must've accidentally bought a dark meat only turkey.
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:14 PM (5HSsN)
Can't someone, maybe one of those kids that hides out their mom's basement hacking into websites, do something about this asshole?
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 03:16 PM (JItMh)
I would always roast a big 20lb turkey, since my sons can devour that size bird in just a few days. This year was slightly different, as I was recovering from the first in a series of strokes. Weak and uncoordinated on my right side, I was still determined to make the turkey for my sons.
And it all went well - I managed to cut up all of the vegetables without losing a finger (or a quart of blood), prepped the turkey, stuffed it, and popped it in the oven. After several hours, the bird is golden brown, juicy and ready to take out of the oven and carve.
Two things to remember here - my right arm is very weak and the stove is gas - so there is an open flame.
As I am trying to take the bird out of the oven, the whole thing tips sideways, and buckets of turkey grease pour into the bottom of the oven, which then bursts into flames. Luckily, I managed to get out of the way, but I am looking at a 20lb turkey go up in flames - and probably the oven and my kitchen.
So I grab the extinguisher, and a few minutes later I have a beautifully cooked turkey that is now slightly burned and covered in fire extinguisher powder.
Sad to say, but I haven't had the heart to cook a turkey since.
Posted by: Timothy S. Carlson at November 25, 2010 03:16 PM (u2dhQ)
Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 25, 2010 03:17 PM (YPivX)
Forgive me, mikey, but for some reason my immediate thought was that you must have really strong hands... and I wondered what sort of "training" you do to keep them in shape, IYKWIMAITTYD.
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:17 PM (5HSsN)
Posted by: Anachronda at November 25, 2010 03:18 PM (6fER6)
First year married, the now ex-wife (who couldn't cook for shit) didn't know about the giblet bag. I found it when I was tearing down the bird to put it in the refrigerator.
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 03:18 PM (zyaZ1)
Burning down the x structure with a turkey fire & rebuilding it?
Insert "incorrectly disposed cigarette-generated fire" into your last sentence and then you've gotten the PA House Raising tradition down pat,
.
Alas, my parents quit smoking ages ago. That was also my little brother's fault.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 03:20 PM (c0A3e)
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:21 PM (5HSsN)
The friggin' Saints need to score to cover the spread.
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:26 PM (5HSsN)
I'm so-so on Brussels sprouts, but the best ones I've had, and the ones that made me open to trying other variations were prepared with duck fat.
Quartered sprouts sauteed in duck fat until soft and slightly brown. Drizzled with a few drops of maple syrup. There were also small bites of duck meat in the sprouts, but I think bacon would work too.
Posted by: some wench at November 25, 2010 03:28 PM (uJBct)
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 07:21 PM (5HSsN)
Throw in the concept of brining. He'll thank you!
Posted by: ErikW at November 25, 2010 03:29 PM (y/nrW)
Physics was never one of my strong points.
IIRC the situation correctly, it was very late when I found the turkey and that year we had a huge turkey because my brother-in-law's family was also coming over for Thanksgiving, along with my grandmother and uncle. Didn't help matters that my mom was going frantic, given the planned meal schedule. We usually eat the Thanksgiving meal as more of a later lunch than as a typical dinner.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 03:30 PM (c0A3e)
Hmmm... that sounds interesting. Thanks!
Mr Y-not had an "episode" involving brussel sprouts, chocolate Easter bunnies, and grape Wylers (hey, we were young, poor, and foolish!), so I don't know if I can get him to try them again. But maybe I can.
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:31 PM (5HSsN)
Posted by: Keeping it Simple at November 25, 2010 03:32 PM (1ben9)
No disasters here. Right now everyone's watching football - well, a few are napping in front of the tv and a few are actually watching. The kitchen is clean and the dishwasher is taking care of the last of it.
I did use those Reynolds Oven Bags this year for the first time and man, did it ever help make a good turkey.
Posted by: Annabelle at November 25, 2010 03:32 PM (Zeljq)
Not sure I'd ever be able to overcome a memory of that combo either
Posted by: some wench at November 25, 2010 03:33 PM (uJBct)
So how do you get the bird to brown? Do you cook it in the bag, then take it out for the last hour or so?
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:34 PM (5HSsN)
May everybody have had a great and fun Thanksgiving. And to reiterate what was mentioned earlier, please keep our men and women in uniform, especially those who couldn't celebrate Thanksgiving with their family and friends, in your thoughts and prayers. Adios!
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 25, 2010 03:36 PM (c0A3e)
Posted by: dananjcon at November 25, 2010 03:36 PM (OW0nw)
Posted by: DrSteve at November 25, 2010 03:36 PM (Yv5Ti)
A couple of years back my daughter made two pumpkin pies and forgot the sugar. That was cruel.
Last year I got a little too happy with the apricots and figs. It felt like mentos and coke. That could be used as a torture technique.
Posted by: sTevo at November 25, 2010 03:37 PM (VMcEw)
We stay in our uniforms so we can grope you through yours!
Posted by: horny TSA agent at November 25, 2010 03:37 PM (5HSsN)
Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at November 25, 2010 03:38 PM (yfJ6g)
It might be time to get her one of those "new-fangled" ovens that turns itself off with a timer.
Or a watch.
Just sayin'.
;-)
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:39 PM (5HSsN)
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:41 PM (5HSsN)
Couple of years ago the oven broke. On Thanksgiving day.
Had to cook at the next-door neighbor's house.
Still funny to visualize my dad walking in through the back door with a just-cooked turkey on a platter. "Here's the bird!"
Posted by: Dr. Varno at November 25, 2010 03:41 PM (xk1CF)
So how do you get the bird to brown? Do you cook it in the bag, then take it out for the last hour or so?
Nope, I didn't take it out. It browned on it's own. Oiled up the bird, added seasoning and put it in the bag with veg. (You do have to add a bit of flour to the bag, shake it then cut a few vents so the bag won't explode).
Posted by: Annabelle at November 25, 2010 03:41 PM (Zeljq)
Posted by: nickless at November 25, 2010 03:43 PM (MMC8r)
Couple of years ago the oven broke. On Thanksgiving day.
Had to cook at the next-door neighbor's house.
Still funny to visualize my dad walking in through the back door with a just-cooked turkey on a platter. "Here's the bird!"
Posted by: Dr. Varno at November 25, 2010 07:41 PM (xk1CF)
A friend of mine that I often go to Thanksgiving with had his frig die and the oven die this week.
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 03:43 PM (CN+Qv)
In our first crappy student apartment, Mr Y-not decided to defrost the ice block freezer on Thanksgiving week using a screw driver with predictable results.
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:46 PM (5HSsN)
Posted by: dananjcon at November 25, 2010 03:46 PM (lOxfd)
...a fifteen-year-old Compaq Presario 5528 up and running Puppy Linux 2.0.15 CE, networked, and online and am posting this to you all from the spledorous luxury ot Dillo. And all this on a system with only 72meg of RAM, with 56meg currently free.
Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? My god, man, you're going to kill us all.
Posted by: Soothsayer's A Very AoS Christmas at November 25, 2010 03:46 PM (Sl76L)
Spent one Thanksgiving in London with family, had Shepard pie and spotted dick for desert. Brits had no idea what Thanksgiving was or is.
I guess they have nothing to be thankful for except that they don't speak German, thanks to us.
Posted by: Kemp at November 25, 2010 03:47 PM (JpFM9)
Posted by: dananjcon at November 25, 2010 07:46 PM (lOxfd)
I have one of those stick thermometers with a remote display that beeps when the internal temperature gets too high.
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 03:48 PM (CN+Qv)
Posted by: The Most Interesting Man in The World at November 25, 2010 03:49 PM (tJjm/)
This year we did the fried turkey thing... except we didn't have the a special pot or wire rack, or things. Still, being a bit of a jack of all trades, I improvised. A bit of twine, a little wire rack at the bottom of a baby-bottle sterilizer pot, various grilling implements pressed into service and it worked.
And I didn't even set the house on fire. Though, my driveway has an oil slick that smells like fried chicken.
(I had to appease the stray cats it attracted with the leftovers...)
Posted by: Warthog at November 25, 2010 03:49 PM (kxOg/)
Right along those lines on the tube this morning, Emeril was cooking brussel sprouts in, as he put it, either bacon or pancetta, along with the fat that comes from either of those two.
This new Maker's Mark is absofuckinglutely nectar of the gods bourbon. Just unbelievably good stuff, stunning.
Annnnd... on that front, the old Maker's Mark makes a *damned fine* Veal Loin Chop with Bourbon Cream Sauce. Had that last night and I still have the warm fuzzy glow from that dish. I do believe I'll be making it again.
Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at November 25, 2010 03:50 PM (SHKl9)
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 07:46 PM (5HSsN)
I have a little two cubic foot freezer. My first year in CA I was in an apartment that had a little room off the balcony for washer, dryers and the like and I kept it in there. One day there was a little earthquake, and I didnt think much of it. A week or so later I went out and the freezer door was ajar, and the entire inside was a solid cube of ice.
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 03:51 PM (CN+Qv)
this has turned into a good game......... but it would be better for Atlanta if Dallas won.
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 03:53 PM (+7uJU)
Posted by: Y-not at November 25, 2010 03:54 PM (5HSsN)
Posted by: Rum, Goddess of Doom at November 25, 2010 07:54 PM (YxBuk)
My bone in turkey breast is up to 157 degrees
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 03:56 PM (CN+Qv)
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 04:02 PM (zyaZ1)
http://tinyurl.com/24ud4kq
Posted by: Blackford Oakes at November 25, 2010 04:03 PM (0IR+C)
Posted by: dananjcon at November 25, 2010 04:04 PM (lOxfd)
No mishaps for Thanksgiving but it was the first without my mother and also the first holiday I've spent with my sister in seven years, so it was pretty momentous for us. Otherwise, her fiance's family cooked everything in their pantries so...yum!
I hope that each of you had a wonderful and blessed day too.
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 04:05 PM (JItMh)
I'm watching the Godfather on AMC.
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 04:06 PM (JItMh)
You're supposed to watch PT&A on Thanksgiving.
You watch The Godfather on Christmas night.
Three Stooges/Monty Python on New Year's.
Wizard of Oz on Easter night.
Posted by: Soothsayer's A Very AoS Christmas at November 25, 2010 04:09 PM (Sl76L)
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 08:06 PM (JItMh)
So who wakes up with the turkey in bed with them?
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 04:09 PM (CN+Qv)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 04:11 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 04:12 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 04:18 PM (JItMh)
Really like PT&A but will admit to thinking they were both shits in their own special ways.
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 04:19 PM (JItMh)
Posted by: Rum, Goddess of Doom at November 25, 2010 04:23 PM (YxBuk)
#114 What didn't turn out - the sprouts or the pommy syrup
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 04:25 PM (CN+Qv)
Posted by: naturalfake at November 25, 2010 04:26 PM (I49Jm)
Feast Preparation Oversights:
1. According to recipe, was s'posed to put two cans of evaporated milk into the pumpkin pie filling. Looked and looked for the second can, in the end assumed I had simply not bought two. Discovered second can in plain sight on counter after pies were finished baking.
2. Bought off-brand bird a few days ago. Scolded by spousal unit today for the beaten-upon-looking quality of bird that was revealed when the wrapper was removed ("Adrian! Adrian!"). Sent out to purchase Butterball replacement; original loserbird frozen, will be made into jerkey and/or fed to dog in the near future. (Partial win -- replacement Butterball turkey was 80% off because only a few idiots are still buying birds at such a late time. And, it was already half-thawed, same reason.)
3. Plan to cook stuffing outside of turkey this year loudly denounced, kibosh placed upon same. Stuffed inside it is.
Posted by: Wm T Sherman at November 25, 2010 04:27 PM (5YgO+)
The syrup. I think I overcooked it. Tastes a little burny.
Posted by: Rum, Goddess of Doom at November 25, 2010 04:28 PM (YxBuk)
Posted by: brendan at November 25, 2010 04:29 PM (6GlGz)
Posted by: nevergiveup at November 25, 2010 04:30 PM (U5btG)
The kids were horseplaying and knocked over the table with all the pies. I've been fasting w/out sweets for five days in honor of today. Okay so Gandhi I am not, but still. No pie. Sadness. It was like the scene out of A Christmas Story -- well minus the bloodhounds and the Chinese restaurant. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!
But that doesn't mean I overconsumed. I'm currently in fatgirl pants© so mission accomplished!
Are the children still living or have they been banished to the basement for life? You're a far far better woman than I.
Posted by: EZB at November 25, 2010 04:30 PM (fa9yq)
Posted by: nevergiveup at November 25, 2010 04:31 PM (U5btG)
Posted by: Rum, Goddess of Doom at November 25, 2010 08:28 PM (YxBuk)
Over caramelized! Chefs never burn - they Over Caramelize!
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 04:31 PM (CN+Qv)
I think she ate them.
Posted by: Zombie Sam Kinison at November 25, 2010 04:32 PM (SHKl9)
Posted by: logprof at November 25, 2010 04:33 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 04:33 PM (LwLqV)
Posted by: nevergiveup at November 25, 2010 08:31 PM (U5btG)
Tell them everyone is free to donate extra money to the government. What are they pledging themselves?
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 04:33 PM (CN+Qv)
Of course, the paragraph above is based on a series of misstatements and verbal gaffes made by Barack Obama (I didnÂ’t have enough time to do one for Joe Biden).
Full of win.
Posted by: AmishDude at November 25, 2010 04:33 PM (BvBKY)
Posted by: AngelEm at November 25, 2010 04:34 PM (PuaGA)
Posted by: mpfs at November 25, 2010 04:34 PM (3TjSM)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 04:35 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: EZB at November 25, 2010 04:36 PM (fa9yq)
No. Tell them they are haters. They hate Bristol Palin, a young woman who has never done anything to them except exist. They are haters to their core.
Also, tell them that you can understand why they would think Obama is smart.
Posted by: AmishDude at November 25, 2010 04:36 PM (BvBKY)
Posted by: antisocialist at November 25, 2010 04:36 PM (Rwudm)
Posted by: logprof at November 25, 2010 08:33 PM (BP6Z1)
Hey, logprof. When I was growing up we drove around sans belts (no pun intended) but also hid in the back of the station wagon when entering drive through movies.
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 04:36 PM (LwLqV)
Posted by: AmishDude at November 25, 2010 04:37 PM (BvBKY)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 04:38 PM (tJjm/)
Hey, logprof. When I was growing up we drove around sans belts (no pun intended) but also hid in the back of the station wagon when entering drive through movies.
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 08:36 PM (LwLqV)
When doing cub scout paperdrives we rode in the bed of a pickup on top of the loose papers.
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 04:38 PM (CN+Qv)
Hey, logprof. When I was growing up we drove around sans belts (no pun intended) but also hid in the back of the station wagon when entering drive through movies.
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 08:36 PM (LwLqV)
--Those old wagons with the seats that popped up in the back were awesome vehicles for families, but idiotic federal CAFE and safety laws gave us Monster SUVs and mini-vans. Some of my earliest childhood memories were of when we had a big ol' station wagon.
Posted by: logprof at November 25, 2010 04:39 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 04:41 PM (LwLqV)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 04:43 PM (tJjm/)
So who wakes up with the turkey in bed with them?
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 08:09 PM (CN+Qv)
Well, I do most mornings, but I sent him off to visit his momma for the weekend...
Posted by: antisocialist at November 25, 2010 04:44 PM (Rwudm)
Posted by: The Charlie Brown kids as adults at November 25, 2010 08:46 PM (BvBKY)
So they really were from san francisco.
Posted by: Oldcat at November 25, 2010 04:46 PM (CN+Qv)
Hey, logprof. When I was growing up we drove around sans belts (no pun intended) but also hid in the back of the station wagon when entering drive through movies.
Posted by: Journolist at November 25, 2010 08:36 PM (LwLqV)
When doing cub scout paperdrives we rode in the bed of a pickup on top of the loose papers.
Posted by: OldcatHey all you turkey laden roonz n ettes, speaking of now called dangerous rides we use to sit thru the roof slide on old vdubb bugs stearing, shifting, and choke for the trottle with our feet.
Posted by: beanervt at November 25, 2010 04:48 PM (zbC+n)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 04:49 PM (tJjm/)
Wild turkey breast
dressing made with venison sausage
mash taters and gravy
cranberry sauce , of course
beets
broccoli and cauliflower in cheese sauce
corn pudding
hot rolls
punkin' pie
cuban flan
couple glasses of white with dinner followed by strong coffee afterwards . Coffee couldn't hold off the napping urge . Fell out .
Now in semi recovery with a glass of cask strength Laphroiag and a chaser of Stella Artois. It's been a great feast day .
I raise my glass to our finest serving in uniform and to all ya'll inbred pathetic morons .
Best holiday wishes ,
awkward .
Posted by: awkward davies at November 25, 2010 04:51 PM (YCW1b)
Just what all my Liberal Family was saying. I guess they all read from the same play book?
Maybe they were all just sitting at the Kid's Table.
Posted by: Dr. Varno at November 25, 2010 04:57 PM (xk1CF)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 05:03 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: logprof at November 25, 2010 08:39 PM (BP6Z1)
my 2 brothers and i would take our shoes off in the back of our dads station wagon and it was like a big skating rink with the 3 of us standing up and sliding around in the back of it going around curves.....
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 05:05 PM (WOIV1)
A few years back after my ex had left with the bookkeeper I had hired for the business, paid for with my retirements.,my 3 kids and I were getting ready to sit down for the turkey bird feast. I was hanging on to sanity by a thread. Anyway, we are just getting everything to the table and the glass front of the stove slid out onto the floor. It was like a waterfall breaking into a million drops of water, but it was safety glass.I will never forget the way that glass fell straight down and collapsed like dominoes. My kids looked at me waiting for a blow-up, as I imagine that was all I was capable back then. Their faces told me all I needed to know. I calmly got the broom swept it all into the pantry closet, so we could not see it, and we enjoyed a great meal.
PS Today ten years later, another great meal, they are bigger now and bring around dates.
Posted by: madamex at November 25, 2010 05:06 PM (jChrK)
Posted by: Waterhouse at November 25, 2010 05:12 PM (y7MHK)
I am drinking a Miller Lite from a vortex bottle. The sacrilege and disgrace is enough to make me bow my head in shame.
Posted by: sTevo at November 25, 2010 05:12 PM (VMcEw)
Yep. A complete hoot! Like John Wayne as Jenjhis Khan.
I do, however, love the big battle scene on the side of the mountain. The choreography is beautiful and you knew men were dying without having to see their guts spill out all over the place.
In 3-D.
Posted by: jmflynny at November 25, 2010 05:19 PM (JItMh)
Great story! Tough times don't last like tough people do.
Posted by: cthulhu at November 25, 2010 05:20 PM (kaalw)
Posted by: cthulhu at November 25, 2010 05:21 PM (kaalw)
Posted by: Doom at November 25, 2010 05:22 PM (HU0hZ)
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 05:23 PM (WOIV1)
Posted by: rdbrewer at November 25, 2010 05:24 PM (uLxgK)
500 degrees for the first 30 minutes, then turn it down to 350, cover breast loosely with foil, and continue cooking
Posted by: mamma b at November 25, 2010 05:27 PM (Fry99)
Posted by: Waterhouse at November 25, 2010 05:27 PM (y7MHK)
I did laugh my ass off when that trebuchet launched it's arm 150 feet.
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 05:28 PM (zyaZ1)
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 05:29 PM (WOIV1)
Pizza for TDay? I at least sprung for a Marie Callenders Chicken and taters, 8mins in a nuke and voila close to turkey dinner...
Posted by: beanervt at November 25, 2010 05:30 PM (zbC+n)
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 05:36 PM (WOIV1)
Well, since they're speaking English and not Latin, I can cut 'im a little slack in the realism department.
Posted by: AmishDude at November 25, 2010 05:42 PM (BvBKY)
Posted by: rdbrewer at November 25, 2010 05:44 PM (uLxgK)
President Obama, is that you?
What are you doing posting on AOSHQ?
I'll bet Michelle ate the gravy packet, didn't she?
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 25, 2010 05:49 PM (P33XN)
Close enough, my veggies had broccoli too. Since I really don't like broccoli eating it made the festivity more real.. It's kinda just another day, work tonight..
Posted by: beanervt at November 25, 2010 05:50 PM (zbC+n)
Posted by: Racefan at November 25, 2010 05:50 PM (WOIV1)
Posted by: Y-not
---
I once did something similar using an ice pick. That afternoon I was out at the local equivalent of Goodwill shopping for a replacement refrigerator. Got one for about sixty bucks, nearly a week's pay in those days.
No disasters today, but one year my s-i-l had almost 30 people and I spent the day before and all morning of Thanksgiving helping her cook. Finally everything was ready, we said grace and everybody lined up and fixed plates of food. S-i-l and I stood in the kitchen finishing off the last of the wine we'd opened that morning and when we finally decided to go eat the turkey was gone, not even enough left on the carcass to make the dog happy. We cooked another! turkey the next day and defended it with carving knives. My brother thought we're were lunatics.
Posted by: Retread at November 25, 2010 05:51 PM (UBdFq)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 05:57 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: CoolCzech
Sherry for Rum or the syrup??
Posted by: beanervt at November 25, 2010 06:01 PM (zbC+n)
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 06:23 PM (zyaZ1)
One year, my Aunt Luralene (aged 84) brought her yippee little un-housebroken lapdog and put an extra long chord on her oxygen tank so she could run around cleaning up after him in the house...and my Great Aunt Eulalah (aged 92) somehow got tangled up on the chord or else tripped over Paco (the dog) and fell down; we all heard her hip break, and we called the paramedics.
The poor guy was trying to assess damages, and she felt he got too fresh, so she hauled off and hit him hard enough to give him a nosebleed. In the meantime, Aunt Luralene had gotten really short of breath, so one of the other guys was tending to her, which Paco took exception to and bit the hell out of him.
The next year, my someone thought it was odd that my Aunt Mandolynne was taking such a long nap and went to check on her and found her dead, but still warm, so they started CPR and called the paramedics, who arrived about 20 minutes later and started to take over the CPR. They stopped almost immediately, very kindly told my Uncle that she had been dead for hours, and went and unplugged the electric blanket. (Of course it had to be the same paramedic who got his nose busted the year before.)
Another year, my Uncle Donny found out his wife was having an affair with my Uncle Bobby (his brother) and even though he was having an affair my Aunt Rita (Uncle Bobby's wife) both of them flew in to rages. It being a holiday, they were both good and drunk, and it being deer season, weapons were right there in the gun racks in both their trucks, and shots were fired, one of which hit a propane tank.
Both couples eventually ended up getting divorced and marrying the ones they had affairs with, and I have yet to figure out how the subsequent chidren are related to the ones they had with the first marriages.
The hubbie and I stayed home this year, but Mama called me a few hours ago to tell me that my Aunt Jackie ran to Wal-Mart early this morning to pick up a few things, and came out and found her car totally engulfed in flames.
So the Saga continues, and yes, we're Southern.
Posted by: MissTammy at November 25, 2010 06:28 PM (BebB7)
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 06:32 PM (zyaZ1)
Was by myself today,,, so skiied at Vail, then came home and cooked a Ham, Mashed spuds, stuffing, and green beans...
Sometimes its good to be older and have already figured this kind of stuff out...
Posted by: Romeo13 at November 25, 2010 06:32 PM (AdK6a)
Posted by: MissTammy at November 25, 2010 10:28 PM (BebB7)
Backs away slowly.... OK... your family is scaring me....
Posted by: Romeo13 at November 25, 2010 06:35 PM (AdK6a)
Posted by: Zakn at November 25, 2010 06:37 PM (zyaZ1)
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 25, 2010 06:48 PM (tJjm/)
Posted by: Naan at November 25, 2010 06:56 PM (GARYj)
Luckily my family are relatively normal I think/hope. We get together almost every Sunday for dinner during the year anyway, so holidays for us are thankfully not as stressful on the interpersonal relations/angry drunken airing of grievances front.
We had longtime extended family over. a total of 9 people. 20 pound bird cooked to perfection. Said grace around the kitchen counter where the food was all spread out cafeteria style.
Ive been the carver since my dad died. Then we sat down to the fancy table settings & Waterford chrystal. Mom still goes all out on the decorations.
Cold dry day, big fire going all afternoon. Three NFL games. A mountain of Crescent roll smokies, a few Stellas, some wine. Nobody cursing anybody or getting shitfaced.
Easy going...the kind of holiday that makes me extra very thankful this time every year, particularly in light of family traditions mentioned by some of you other morons.
Cheers
Posted by: MikeD at November 25, 2010 06:59 PM (jmoS0)
Oh, they're all fairly well off, believe it or not, not a trailer in the bunch, although the aforementioned Aunt Eulalah thinks it's nasty to have a bathroom right in the house, so a couple of my cousins built her a fully plumbed bathroom out where her outhouse used to be.
You don't want to hear about the Trailer Trash branch of the family, trust me, though you may well have seen them on the news if you live in Georgia, North Carolina or Alabama.
Posted by: MissTammy at November 25, 2010 07:14 PM (BebB7)
My daughter declared her Veganism on Thanksgiving of her 9th year...'you killed a birdie!!!' Buzzkill.
Drove an hour to pick up a special pie, ordered a month in advance, cooked by a farmwife who only sold them at Thanksgiving...and naturally left it on top of the car when I pulled away. That was about 25 years ago.
Got stoned one year and cooked the Turkey upside down. Actually that worked out pretty well as the breast was super tender after cooking in Turkey juices.
This year my darling daughter and her squeeze bring over his 3-year-old for Turkey Day and we are all watching 'Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs.'
The Boy: "What's a witch?"
Me: "Nancy Pelosi"
Squeeze: (At the same time) "Sarah Palin"
Darling Daughter: "Don't get started!"
Sigh
Posted by: trainer of turkeys at November 25, 2010 08:28 PM (yCWYQ)
After months of fiddling with the thing, I have finally gotten a fifteen-year-old Compaq Presario 5528 up and running Puppy Linux 2.0.15 CE, networked, and online and am posting this to you all from the spledorous luxury ot Dillo. And all this on a system with only 72meg of RAM, with 56meg currently free. Posted by: nickless at November 25, 2010 07:43 PM (MMC8r)
And I thought I was the only loser all of his available vacation time hacking Linux. Well done, sir!
Posted by: Walter Sobchak at November 25, 2010 09:06 PM (iyvmV)
Posted by: NancyB at November 25, 2010 10:09 PM (GkYyh)
Posted by: DrSteve at November 26, 2010 05:09 AM (Yv5Ti)
Posted by: Scoop11 at November 26, 2010 05:20 AM (mqt6U)
Posted by: catmman at November 26, 2010 05:38 AM (DTzwU)
Aren't you supposed to be eating people, or souls, or something like that...?
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Posted by: xixi at November 27, 2010 02:50 PM (TrVxe)
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wow can't wait for the slideshow!
Posted by: Soothsayer's A Very AoS Christmas at November 25, 2010 02:43 PM (fFMjt)