Ace of Spades HQ

May 08, 2010

Watch, And Learn UPDATED: SEE END OF POST
— LauraW

A devastating knife attack. This is how you do it.

Heed the Master.

Impressive, yes?

Note the intricate footwork and exquisite control. Marvel at the panther-like speed with which he eliminates his targets.

Admire the way it looks like he very nearly cut himself at around :30, and then flails at the target in fits of spastic rage.

Best part? This guy teaches a class on this shit. Yes. To people who are paying him to learn it.
Here, let's lift his entire syllabus right now:

Lesson One: Assume a relaxed pose, perhaps behind a tree or bush.
Lesson Two: Suddenly charge. It's especially effective if you run like your legs don't like each other.
Lesson Three: Hopefully get your head blown off before you actually harm another person.

The youtube comments are priceless and should not be missed.

While you check them out I'll be here...just hangin' out.

UPDATE: I'm being told in comments that this guy is probably not teaching a course on how to commit sudden unprovoked attacks, but simply demonstrating how quickly a determined attacker can get to you.

Okay, that makes way more sense. I guess I saw this thing going viral today and didn't want to miss out on that New Video smell.

I apologize for my unkind remarks about this fellow's intentions and general mental health.

Now that that unpleasantness is behind us, let's all make fun of his shorts.

Many thanks to Mesablue.

Posted by: LauraW at 12:41 PM | Comments (314)
Post contains 257 words, total size 2 kb.

1 The point is mightier than the edge. Ask a Roman.

Posted by: toby928 at May 08, 2010 12:44 PM (4WbTI)

2
Kratos, is that you?

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 08, 2010 12:47 PM (PANJ+)

3 Reminds me of this .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at May 08, 2010 12:47 PM (a9UO0)

4 .454 Casull...lightweight.

Posted by: Knife Guy at May 08, 2010 12:47 PM (DPM1U)

5 Saving the world from the cardboard menace.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 08, 2010 12:49 PM (Vo2Ef)

Robert Gates...is that you?

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 08, 2010 12:50 PM (DPM1U)

7 My God! Ban it!

Posted by: Nanny Bloomberg at May 08, 2010 12:51 PM (Vo2Ef)

8 While watching this video if you listen very closely, you can hear ninjas cry. Actually I think a couple are LOL'ing (or would that be laughing out silently) ?

Posted by: societyis2blame at May 08, 2010 12:51 PM (7ZyYf)

9 Does sort of explain why cops shoot guys with knives though. Despite his obvious lack of athletic ability he gets to the target pretty quickly and all it takes is a good slash to cause serious damage. Two to the chest at 20 feet isn't that hard and something to remember.

Posted by: TRO at May 08, 2010 12:52 PM (q4WFG)

10 Denim shorts give him the extra adrenaline he needs...and extra sexiness to seduce the women.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 08, 2010 12:52 PM (DPM1U)

11 Speaking as a filipino martial arts instructor, he's not what we call 'tight'.

Posted by: luagha at May 08, 2010 12:53 PM (z+OVH)

12 This is the Star Wars Kid ten years later?

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 12:53 PM (ONBbr)

Hey LauraW,

Yeah, the guy is a spazz. But you are missing the point. Look at his last attack with the folding knife.

The timer shows it takes two seconds (42sec to 44sec) to go from being a moron 21 feet away to a moron who just slashed you.

This, believe it or not, is what cops are talking about when they say the 21 foot zone is the zone where someone 21 feet away can rush you and stab you dead before you can clear the holster and shoot them.

Again, yeah, he looks like a spasmodic idiot. But the timer shows he is a spasmodic idiot who can cover the ground fast enough to lethaly stab you before you can react.

Posted by: Ed at May 08, 2010 12:53 PM (OCfDT)

14 Thank goodness, without his expert instruction i never would have known how to stab somebody.

Posted by: Stabby McStab at May 08, 2010 12:55 PM (ctR4U)

15
Okay, after a 2nd viewing (this time without laughing til my eyes water), this guy is a definite Darwin Award candidate.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 08, 2010 12:55 PM (PANJ+)

Those Ugg boots give him the 21-foot killing force.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 08, 2010 12:56 PM (DPM1U)

17 What if I throw a cat on his face? Or a badger?

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 12:57 PM (ONBbr)

18 Lethally stab me, Ed?

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 08, 2010 12:57 PM (DPM1U)

19 This looks a whole helluva lot like my sister's subdivision in the Dallas 'burbs. Will warn her.

Posted by: Bender Bending Rodriguez at May 08, 2010 12:57 PM (rOoSD)

I'm sure I've got a spelling mistake or two in my post, big fat meanie. In fact, I'd say my spelling skills are as spasmodic as this guy is with a knife.

So it goes...

But my above point, spasmodically spelled though it may be, stands.

Posted by: Ed at May 08, 2010 12:58 PM (OCfDT)

21 And what a surprise! The link at yTube goes to
PEKITI-TIRSIA KALI OF DALLAS
Will warn sister.

Posted by: Bender Bending Rodriguez at May 08, 2010 12:58 PM (rOoSD)

22 Does he butter toast with that knife? I bet he sleeps with it. They have matching pajamas.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 12:59 PM (ONBbr)

23 He has a swing set in his back yard! This guy actually found and courted a real live woman and then reproduced. Good lord there is little fake ninjas running around Texas who will be carrying on their father's cardboard killing skills.

Posted by: Long island at May 08, 2010 12:59 PM (TiURi)

24 #13

What Ed typed.

Posted by: mrp at May 08, 2010 12:59 PM (HjPtV)

25 Freaking cardboard didn't even try to fight back .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at May 08, 2010 01:01 PM (a9UO0)

26 I'm just wondering who wants to take his class.

"Hi, I'm calling to reserve a spot in your course on Committing Sudden Unprovoked Attacks, do you have any openings?"

Posted by: lauraw at May 08, 2010 01:01 PM (DbybK)

27 #23:

No, he hasn't. The swing set is what he uses to lure the children.

Posted by: GT at May 08, 2010 01:01 PM (Vyrg6)

28 I always wondered what happened to Star Wars Kid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPPj6viIBmU Looks like he's all growed up (sniff)

Posted by: TomB at May 08, 2010 01:01 PM (GnoLL)

29 I'm seeing him vs. Hillbilly Ninja in the octagon; it's meant to be.

Posted by: unknown jane at May 08, 2010 01:02 PM (5/yRG)

30 What makes you think that's his backyard?

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:02 PM (ONBbr)

Bender:

I was thinking the same thing when I watched it... suburb in TX somewhere.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:02 PM (F71c5)

#26 lauraw:

Heh. That's pretty funny. Seriously, that brought this back to the funny.

Posted by: Ed at May 08, 2010 01:02 PM (OCfDT)

33 _ouch

Posted by: The Carboard Cutout at May 08, 2010 01:03 PM (e9JZd)

34 Real Owner: "Honey, WTF is all this chopped up cardboard doing back here?"

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:03 PM (ONBbr)

35 Come at me with this banana...

Posted by: snapdragon at May 08, 2010 01:04 PM (5Etcj)

36 His knife smells of onions and garlic. A good Anglo-Saxon blade, as it were.

Posted by: damian at May 08, 2010 01:05 PM (4WbTI)

37 Thank you kindly Ed!

Posted by: lauraw at May 08, 2010 01:05 PM (DbybK)

38 _{I was thinking the same thing when I watched it... suburb in TX somewhere.
Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 05:02 PM (F71c5)}

I'd wager on Grand Prairie.

Posted by: Bender Bending Rodriguez at May 08, 2010 01:05 PM (rOoSD)

39
This is why you never, ever trust anyone wear Jorts.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 08, 2010 01:06 PM (PANJ+)

40 I can't watch any videos about knives. Ever since I accidentally peeled off my foreskin with a Gillette "Venus Divine" they won't let me have anything sharper than a wad of Play-Doh.

Posted by: Oh SNAP, Dragon! at May 08, 2010 01:06 PM (Y7JPI)

41 Has DinT taken this class?

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:06 PM (ONBbr)

42 First off, I think that dude really does live in my neighborhood. Freaky.

Secondly, I don't think he's try to teach people how to attack with a blade in 21 feet...but rather that you need to learn defense and evasion techniques to deal with an idiot with a blade 21 feet away.

He proves, through his crazy drunken panther stalking ounces that your attacker doesn't have to be skilled to run in a straight line and slash at the largest parts of your body, which tend to be the ones we kinda need to survive.

I could be wrong, maybe he's decided you should learn knife play rather than your shotgun or pistol, but I'll keep my shotgun aimed and ready just in case. Seriously need to look at Google maps to see if that's my neighborhood ;-)

Posted by: twcrew at May 08, 2010 01:06 PM (OhyKa)

43 So, if a complete spaz with a huge knife starts explaining the 21-foot rule, and there's no cardboard around, you should shoot him.

Is that the take-away here?

Yeah, the 21-foot rule is real, everyone trains for it. Which is kind of why you don't have to humiliate yourself explaining it in public.

That, and this guy's therapist may have made a terrible error.

Posted by: Merovign, Strong On His Mountain at May 08, 2010 01:07 PM (bxiXv)

The 21ft rule was demonstrated in my CCL class with a rubber knife and most students got the instructor before he could have stopped them with the dummy pistol.

That said, the movie would have made a better impression of that without the bad guy being played by a ghost-white spaz in cut-off mom jeans.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:08 PM (F71c5)

45 21 foot rule is an actual court tested defense used in police officer deadly force training. I was actually surprised when I received the training, after the hands on demonstration you will understand the reason for it.

Posted by: howcome at May 08, 2010 01:08 PM (A1x9z)

46 Is that the take-away here?

My takeaway is Carry a stout walking stick in Dallas suburbs.

Posted by: damian at May 08, 2010 01:09 PM (4WbTI)

47 If Aliens come here and make cardboard boxes go all zombie and shit, this dude is ready.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:10 PM (ONBbr)

48 Ah, well that makes much more sense, that he's not actually teaching this as a technique, but just demonstrating how quickly a motivated bad guy can get to you.

Now I feel badly for him.

Posted by: lauraw at May 08, 2010 01:10 PM (DbybK)

49 This guy should get a gig on Countdown. Oberdouche could introduce him to "The Worst Person In TheWorld" at 22 feet, and give the nightly winner a 9mm. It might add something positive to a couple of shows, before one of them turns on Keefie.

Posted by: ontherocks at May 08, 2010 01:11 PM (HBqDo)

50 Plan 9 from Plano.

Posted by: damian at May 08, 2010 01:11 PM (4WbTI)

51 Now I feel badly for him.

Now it's funnier

Posted by: JavaJoe at May 08, 2010 01:12 PM (e9JZd)

52 49 / lauraw: ... our compassionate conservative !

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:12 PM (F71c5)

53 What number 46 said, yes. 21 feet is the point at which you technically have little chance to plug a bad guy before he is upon you. I try not to think about this when I am on crowded subways.

Posted by: rawmuse at May 08, 2010 01:13 PM (35H/C)

54 Dude has knife skills. I have to give him that.

Posted by: Cardboard Opponent at May 08, 2010 01:14 PM (2h8SL)

55 I would simply step aside and take away his knife at the same time. Yes, please, tea would be most welcome. Have you seen my brother?

Posted by: Kwai Chang Caine at May 08, 2010 01:14 PM (ONBbr)

56 Snatch this razor blade from my hand

Posted by: master po at May 08, 2010 01:15 PM (4WbTI)

He's probably an AOS lurker too.

After reading these comments, now he's gonna have to make another movie showing off his mad skilz instead of spaz moves.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:16 PM (F71c5)

58 Those cardboard guys fight back about as well as the battle droids in The Phantom Menace.

Posted by: Cicero at May 08, 2010 01:16 PM (QKKT0)

59 I watched it with the sound down. Did he keep saying, "You talkin' 'bout me?" or was I reading lips poorly?

Posted by: Cameron at May 08, 2010 01:17 PM (385zF)

60 Master I can't break the cardboard with the knife, please show me how.

Posted by: Glasshoppa at May 08, 2010 01:17 PM (e9JZd)

61 How good is he in a phone booth?

Posted by: wondering at May 08, 2010 01:17 PM (4WbTI)

62 This guy reminds me of the scene in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" where the Arab guy confronts Indy with a lot of fancy swordplay, then Indy nonchalantly shoots him.

Posted by: Me at May 08, 2010 01:17 PM (BTo+8)

63 Notice his neighbors closing their garage door at the very end.

"He's at it again, Mabel."

"Quick! Close the door...and don't make eye contact."

Posted by: Srsly? at May 08, 2010 01:18 PM (2bCKA)

I think I'll try those moves out in my condo complex when the gardeners come on Monday.

Posted by: White Male with a Katana San Diego at May 08, 2010 01:18 PM (oIp16)

Lesson 2: Using Jarts for crowd control.

Posted by: Cicero at May 08, 2010 01:18 PM (QKKT0)

Was that guy in Napoleon Dynamite?

Posted by: Pat at May 08, 2010 01:19 PM (R0lVr)

67 I like his squat & slice maneuver. I'm gonna maneuver some murder on some broccoli.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at May 08, 2010 01:20 PM (wd0Iq)

68 On the 21-foot thing, should you estimate or bring a tape measure?

Posted by: Cicero at May 08, 2010 01:20 PM (QKKT0)

69 Post updated.
Thanks guys!

AOSHQ commenters are the smartest, nitpickiest, best commenters anywhere.

Posted by: lauraw at May 08, 2010 01:20 PM (DbybK)

70
Any of you flaming idiots ever been attacked by a cardboard half-silhouette?

Didn't think so. Because if, like me, you had, you wouldn't be laughing at the Master. Cardboard half-silhouettes can cause devastating injuries and the Master does not abide their shit.

So next time a cardboard half-silhouette paper cuts the fuck out of your thumb, don't come crying to me, or the Master.

Enough talk, I got shit I gotta charge at in the backyard.

Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 01:20 PM (UA4gE)

71 "After you've beheaded your opponent, continue hacking at his dead torso."

Posted by: Crusty at May 08, 2010 01:21 PM (qzgbP)

72 Found him! Dude lives in Allen on Bethany Lake Blvd. Swingset still in backyard, but sadly, no cardboard massacre on the day Google swung by. Same zipcode, I feel safe though, he's got more than 21 feet to travel to get into my backyard.

Posted by: twcrew at May 08, 2010 01:21 PM (OhyKa)

73 Man, what a beautiful Saturday it is out here... kinda weather where you just want to take a stroll out in the woods... 79 degrees... birds chirping... good to be alive...

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at May 08, 2010 01:22 PM (Y7JPI)

74 His website is bladefighting.com - so I tend to think that yes, he is actually trying to show how to wield a knife.

Posted by: stuiec at May 08, 2010 01:23 PM (W+GYq)

75 That guy really needs to buy a beet farm somewhere outside of Scranton.

Posted by: Pinandpuller at May 08, 2010 01:24 PM (07w/N)

76 He left out the heart eating. Always crow and dance the victory dance while eating the heart of your opponent raw. It impresses the ladies.

Posted by: damian at May 08, 2010 01:24 PM (4WbTI)

77 Look, good against a refigerator box is one thing. Good against the living? That's something else.

Posted by: Han Solo at May 08, 2010 01:25 PM (QKKT0)

78 OT:

Okay all sorts of websites have ads for this "United States of Earth" website, can someone please explain wtf is up with it? Is it some sort of satire, or what?

Posted by: Sir Elliot at May 08, 2010 01:25 PM (DUNS7)

I always hated the term "21 foot rule", as though you're safe at 22 or 25 feet.

Way back when I was a police firearms instructor I taught the same principle, but as the "about ten yards rule".

Posted by: gebrauchshund at May 08, 2010 01:25 PM (d7k0J)

80 you teabaggrz clinging to your bibles and knives are why the rethuglikkkans will be extinct next year when we take all 1000 seats of congress and all 500 senate seats

Posted by: two snaps up dragon at May 08, 2010 01:27 PM (sYxEE)

Plan 9 from Plano.

Posted by: damian at May 08, 2010 05:11 PM (4WbTI)

Thread winner!

Seriously, though - I guess I just assumed ALL subdivisions in the country looked like the ones here in North Texas. That's why we bought an OLD (c. 1907) house in an established neighborhood - we gots BIG trees!

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at May 08, 2010 01:27 PM (VaAb9)

Hey, I'd hit it ... It's the hot shorts, though.

67 Lesson 2: Using Jarts for crowd control.

Posted by: Cicero

Now you're talkin'!

Posted by: Drillanwr at May 08, 2010 01:27 PM (GkYyh)

83 I was never attacked by a cardboard shape propped up by wooden stakes, but I did fall on a bass amplifier once when I was selling guitars. Good thing I had my 12' steak knife on me at the time so I could teach that amplifier a few things about respecting authority.

Posted by: Cameron at May 08, 2010 01:27 PM (385zF)

84 I would like to see that demo done with him with a rubber knife and his pretend victim with a taser. That would be classic.

Posted by: polynikes at May 08, 2010 01:29 PM (B1CnE)

85 I can't figure out if that's internet hacking as defense or prevention, but I'm not buying it either way.

Posted by: ontherocks at May 08, 2010 01:29 PM (HBqDo)

86
I wonder if he has any Windmill of Death hand-to-hand training vids.

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 08, 2010 01:29 PM (PANJ+)

87 Maybe if he's single we can set him up with Snapdragon.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:30 PM (F71c5)

88
I thought the "21 foot rule" was how far you have to walk to keep a fart from following you.

Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 01:32 PM (UA4gE)

89 Laura -- I think you were right the first time.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at May 08, 2010 01:33 PM (Y7JPI)

90 Don't care what the excuse is, that's Teh Ghey.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:33 PM (1fanL)

91 I'm assuming this is the AOSHQ public service announcement for the day.

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 01:33 PM (QuP9W)

92
I've seen the videos of Dick Cheney doing this with his with his cock and a sheet of 1/2" plywood.

Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 01:34 PM (UA4gE)

"Was that guy in Napoleon Dynamite?"

No, but it does appear that he has completed the entire eight week course of Rex Kwan Do.

Posted by: gebrauchshund at May 08, 2010 01:35 PM (d7k0J)

94 Maybe he was abused by a cardboard stepdad.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:36 PM (ONBbr)

95 So I can't duck my cardboard head if he is 21 feet away? What if my cardboard foot kicks him in the nuts when he goes into his wide-stance round house sword swing?

or what if my cardboard cackler laughs when his tenny shoes slip and throws him off?

I must ask confucius these questions.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at May 08, 2010 01:36 PM (7VvJB)

96 I thought the "21 foot rule" was how far you have to walk to keep a fart from following you.

Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 05:32 PM (UA4gE)

No, it's how far the wimmins have to stay from me in order to avoid being overwhelmed by my animal magnetism.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:36 PM (1fanL)

97 95
I've seen the videos of Dick Cheney doing this with his with his cock and a sheet of 1/2" plywood a few former Democrat congressmen who lost their last elections.

FIFY

Posted by: Dick "The Blade" Cheney at May 08, 2010 01:36 PM (Y7JPI)

98 95
I've seen the videos of Dick Cheney doing this with his with his cock and a sheet of 1/2" plywood.
Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 05:34 PM

eeeewwww, that's who was on the other side? spit! spit!

Posted by: two snaps up dragon at May 08, 2010 01:37 PM (sYxEE)

99 Maybe he was abused by a cardboard stepdad.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 05:36 PM (ONBbr)

Cardboard child abuse is not a joke.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:37 PM (1fanL)

100 Cardboard child abuse is not a joke.

Cardboard words can hurt.

Posted by: The Cardboard Ad Council at May 08, 2010 01:39 PM (Y7JPI)

101 I haven't seen sword work like that since I watched Chris Farley in Beverly Hills Ninja.

Posted by: OxyCon at May 08, 2010 01:39 PM (eJ7Yr)

102 I thought the guy looked familiar. He lives in my neighborhood and once I get my security system specially coded, I'll catch him slashing my bicycle tires and stealing my comic books

Posted by: Charles Comic Bookstore Johnson at May 08, 2010 01:39 PM (sYxEE)

103 I clicked on the link to his website in Laura's main post. He does teach offense and counteroffense with guns and knives.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:40 PM (F71c5)

104 Never, never, never shake a cardboard baby.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:40 PM (1fanL)

105 Guy kind of reminds me of 'Radar' O'Reilly.

Posted by: Mr Natural at May 08, 2010 01:40 PM (crYp3)

106
eeeewwww, that's who was on the other side? spit! spit!
Posted by: two snaps up dragon

You probably pop a boner at Home Depot.

Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 01:40 PM (UA4gE)

107
Ban knives?

Ban knives.

Posted by: The UK at May 08, 2010 01:41 PM (cMo6P)

108 How do you mend a broken cardboard heart?

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 01:41 PM (QuP9W)

109 I figure one bullet would drop this guy

Posted by: Indiana Jones at May 08, 2010 01:41 PM (sYxEE)

110 Breaking News: Death by Cardboard Ballot
Sen. Bob Bennett (R-UT) has lost the battle for a fourth term in office after delegates to the UT GOP convention refused to renominate him on Saturday, a highly-placed source with knowledge of the vote count tells Hotline OnCall.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at May 08, 2010 01:41 PM (7VvJB)

111 Guy kind of reminds me of 'Radar' O'Reilly.

Posted by: Mr Natural at May 08, 2010 05:40 PM (crYp3)

Blast from the past. You know he was missing some fingers, and they were careful to never show that hand on camera.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:41 PM (1fanL)

112
"Sorry I'm late, dear-- some guy slashed up all the road signs and I couldn't find my way home."

Posted by: Golem14 at May 08, 2010 01:42 PM (2X8VA)

113

It's not just cardboard. He burns with hatred for all packaging materials.

Don't even bring up bubble wrap.

Posted by: Cicero at May 08, 2010 01:42 PM (QKKT0)

114 "Cardboard child abuse is not a joke." Next, on the Shipping Channel: "Box of Pain"

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:42 PM (ONBbr)

115
I'm glad I'm not the UPS guy in his neighborhood.

Posted by: Dang at May 08, 2010 01:43 PM (UA4gE)

116 Knife Guy, you bastard! Those cardboard people had families!

Posted by: The War Between the Cardboard States at May 08, 2010 01:43 PM (Y7JPI)

117 "Box of Pain"

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 05:42 PM (ONBbr)

Careful, guy. You're inching awfully close to copyright infringement.

Posted by: The Police at May 08, 2010 01:44 PM (1fanL)

118

He is well prepared for the coming cardboard zombie apocalypse.

Posted by: gebrauchshund at May 08, 2010 01:44 PM (d7k0J)

119 "Box of Pain"

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 05:42 PM (ONBbr)

Careful, guy. You're inching awfully close to copyright infringement.

Posted by: The Police at May 08, 2010 05:44 PM

You can say that again.

Posted by: The Grateful Dead at May 08, 2010 01:44 PM (1fanL)

120 "Got Cardboard?"

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 01:45 PM (QuP9W)

121 You're either with us, or you're with the cardboard terrorists.

Posted by: George W. Bush at May 08, 2010 01:45 PM (1fanL)

122

He's going to cut himself on that out of control follow through.

Or by falling. Mom larnt me good on that. Never run with a two foot long knife.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 08, 2010 01:46 PM (9Sq/v)

123 Sen. Bob Bennett (R-UT) has lost the battle for a fourth term in office after delegates to the UT GOP convention refused to renominate him on Saturday, a highly-placed source with knowledge of the vote count tells Hotline OnCall.

Time for a new thread.

This one is skullworthy.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 08, 2010 01:46 PM (Vo2Ef)

124

You guys laugh, but that cardboard will never attack him again.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 08, 2010 01:46 PM (9Sq/v)

125 Cardboard: It's what's for dinner.

Posted by: The American Cardboard Association at May 08, 2010 01:46 PM (1fanL)

126 Soldiers should force captured terrorists to read your comments, instead of waterboarding them.

Posted by: A Casual Observation at May 08, 2010 01:47 PM (ITzbJ)

127 I bet that cardboard was teasing him about going through a full-body scanner.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 01:47 PM (ONBbr)

128

"I hate two-dimensional characters."

Posted by: Pistola y Daga at May 08, 2010 01:48 PM (9Sq/v)

129

Shades of "The Jerk" and the gas station sniper:

"He hates these cans!"

Posted by: Drillanwr at May 08, 2010 01:49 PM (GkYyh)

130 We are all cardboard now.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:50 PM (1fanL)

131 "It's 11pm. Do You Know Where Your Cardboard Is?"

Posted by: Cardboard Parents at May 08, 2010 01:50 PM (QuP9W)

132

I say we get him a sword with a Ginsu edge as seen on TV,,, then turn him loose on Comrade Obamavich's ARRA construction project signs.

Hell, now that Billy Mays is gone. Belushi OD'd and that other guy got raped by a hooker, I think we've found their replacement.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 01:50 PM (F71c5)

133 I wanna see this guy vs. my roommate's Paul Stanley standee that my cat peed on.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at May 08, 2010 01:51 PM (wd0Iq)

134 Bet Obama makes an off-color cardboard joke tomorrow.

Posted by: Drillanwr at May 08, 2010 01:51 PM (GkYyh)

135 This is your brain. This is your brain on cardboard.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 01:53 PM (1fanL)

136 Unless we pass comprehensive cardboard reform now, boxes will be forced to live in the shadows, victims of hateful attacks. Americans must be made aware of the role that cardboard boxes play in our workforce. Under my policies, more Americans than ever before are stowing the contents of their desks and offices across the nation as they leave their offices for the last time to spend more time with their families.

Posted by: King Barry I at May 08, 2010 01:54 PM (sYxEE)

137 Reach out and touch some cardboard.

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 01:54 PM (QuP9W)

138 I wanna see how well this bozo does in combat over a cardboard sea.

Posted by: Frank Sinatra at May 08, 2010 01:54 PM (Y7JPI)

139 Hmmmm.

1. Yeah he's showing how dangerous a spaz could be with a knife and within 25' of your.

2. His technique is awful. The human ribcage angles downward. A stroke from overhead or even horizontally will simply skip off the ribcage. A proper slash slices at a slight upwards angle at about 20 degrees. This would allow even a 5" blade the ability to completely sever in half a lung, mutilate the liver or spleen or other significant organ damage along with serious injuries to the muscles of the sides and back.

Even then IMO you have to be a total incompetent asshole to even waste your time slashing at the torso. If you're going to do that then stab, don't slash. But the best technique is to go for the tendons on the shoulders, elbows, hips and knees. Particularly the knees. It's a nice simple cut that you can feint with the off hand to take the target's attention followed by a swift slicing cut at the forward knee. Cripple the tendons of the knee and he is on the ground screaming in agony and with the knowledge of imminent disembowelment.

Or you could just slice the femoral artery on the inside of the thigh and let him bleed to death in a couple minutes.

Sigh. The USMC always provides the interesting stuff to learn.

Posted by: memomachine at May 08, 2010 01:55 PM (MwCol)

140 Why does Ace {hole} allow chicks to post?

Posted by: Chest Rockwell at May 08, 2010 01:55 PM (iGied)

141 21 foot rule? I say shoot 'em at 25.

Posted by: Pelayo at May 08, 2010 01:55 PM (C8qIl)

142 I got jumped by a cardboard gang in Houston....
It was six months before the paper cuts healed.

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 01:56 PM (H+LJc)

143

Yeah, but even he was only trying to show why the 21 foot rule exists....

His form still sucks... with proper technique he would hit the target even faster, with more devastating results...

but then, I've only been Elizabethan Fencing for about 20 years now... so what the heck would I know...

SeaWolf

Band of Black Tigers

BlackTigers.US

Posted by: SeaWolf at May 08, 2010 01:57 PM (OlHjR)

144 What will happen we some evil Republican stops an innocent cardboard family out for cardboard ice cream and the don't have their shipping label?

What happens then?! What happens to the cardboard family!!!!???

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 01:57 PM (QuP9W)

145

Cardboard is BACK!

Posted by: Newsweek at May 08, 2010 01:57 PM (XBdMr)

146 No cardboard animals were harmed in the production of this video.

Posted by: movie credits at May 08, 2010 01:59 PM (7VvJB)

147 Or you could just slice the femoral artery on the inside of the thigh and let him bleed to death in a couple minutes.

Sigh. The USMC always provides the interesting stuff to learn.

Posted by: memomachine at May 08, 2010 05:55 PM (MwCol)

cutjibnewsletter.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 02:00 PM (1fanL)

148 "We make cardboard the old fashion way....We earn it."

Smith Cardboard

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 02:00 PM (QuP9W)

149 I had a construction paper job and one day Immigration showed up.
Those cardboard guys never had a chance what with their legs nailed together and shit. (sob)

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 02:01 PM (H+LJc)

150 It's probably unfair to take just from the gayness of those shorts that he's gay. But it's still pretty clear he's guy -- so maybe he's a "guy blade", the human equivalent of what that restaurant in Oz misheard that blind guy's dog to be -- with the Ozzie accent, "guide dog" becomes "guydog": http://tiny.cc/3855t

Posted by: Shooter at May 08, 2010 02:01 PM (zfRju)

151 so that's what a boxcutter looks like.

Posted by: willow at May 08, 2010 02:01 PM (ax2VZ)

152 We're all Cardboardists Now!

Posted by: Newsweek at May 08, 2010 02:02 PM (7VvJB)

153 I want memomachine in my foursome during the AceFest hobo hunt.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at May 08, 2010 02:02 PM (IP4bz)

154 End Cardboard Apartheid!

Posted by: Earnest Leftist at May 08, 2010 02:02 PM (1fanL)

155

It would be most effective if you cut the carotid artery just under the left ear

Posted by: Dr Leonard McCoy at May 08, 2010 02:03 PM (sYxEE)

156 The Next Cardboard You Save Could Be Your Own.

Posted by: Earnest Leftist at May 08, 2010 02:04 PM (1fanL)

157 "We're Number Two....We Try Harder."

Cardboard Car Rentals

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 02:04 PM (QuP9W)

158 Stupid cardboard should pay attention when he's in Dallas....he's practically surrounded by gun-clinging, Bible thumping, racist, homophobic, bitter and angry cracker ass crackers.

Posted by: Wake up call for cardboard everywhere at May 08, 2010 02:05 PM (XBdMr)

159 I had been working tirelessly on behalf of cardboard rights when the cardboard raped me. At first I couldn't believe it was happening, but then, as I remembered that YouTube clip I saw of a white man mutilating yet another defenseless cardboard plank, I realized that my getting raped was only proper justice for the white man's crimes against cardboard over the length and breadth of history. Once I had that epiphany, my rape was almost enjoyable.

Posted by: crazy lib chick at May 08, 2010 02:05 PM (385zF)

160 A lot of cardboard comes from Pakistan. Just sayin'.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 02:06 PM (ONBbr)

161 Technique, Schmechnique, I still think he's this ages replacement for Belushi, Billy Mays and that guy that got raped by a hooker.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 02:06 PM (F71c5)

162 I wondered what Keith Olbermann did on his off days.

Posted by: The producers of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes at May 08, 2010 02:06 PM (MMC8r)

163 Hey, that's not just cardboard that was my home! sob..

Posted by: women with children under a bridge at May 08, 2010 02:07 PM (ax2VZ)

164 I despise this destruction of affordable housing units.

Posted by: Hobo, Underbridge, NY at May 08, 2010 02:08 PM (7VvJB)

165

I wish that motherfuckin' cracker had tried that shit on me.

Posted by: Black Cardboard at May 08, 2010 02:08 PM (XBdMr)

166 A boatload of Cuban cardboard refugees sank just five yards from the beach...
They never had a chance. Their poor delaminated pulp corpses washed up and people just walked on them (sob, wail)

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 02:08 PM (H+LJc)

167 You want to see awesome against cardboard? You should have seen me taking out carboard taliban targets with the Apache chopper on my mission over Lebanon

Posted by: Joe Biden at May 08, 2010 02:09 PM (sYxEE)

168

only thing to know fur sure, is this man has too much time , drinking and thinking about weird stuff

OK which one of us is it?

Posted by: women with children under a bridge at May 08, 2010 02:09 PM (ax2VZ)

169 How Do You Spell Relief? - CARDBOARD

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 02:10 PM (QuP9W)

170 Why are the Russians selling nuclear technology to Cardboardistan?

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 02:10 PM (ONBbr)

171 Pretty sure we need a new thread.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 02:10 PM (1fanL)

172

Homeland Security has been on top of these cardboard attacks from DAY ONE

Posted by: Janet Napolitano at May 08, 2010 02:11 PM (sYxEE)

173 Cardboard...doesn't hit back!

Posted by: Bruce Lee at May 08, 2010 02:12 PM (H+LJc)

174 That's fine, for one (1) cardboard cutout.

But, what happens if you encounter a couple o' dozen, riding motorcycles?

Posted by: franksalterego at May 08, 2010 02:12 PM (+6fgE)

175 168

I wish that motherfuckin' cracker had tried that shit on me.

Posted by: Black Cardboard at May 08, 2010 06:08 PM

I am sick and tired of all the motherfuckin' cardboard on this blog!

Posted by: Samuel L Jackson at May 08, 2010 02:12 PM (sYxEE)

176

Fubar, hell why do they always make tapes, dopes!

guess people never think they might have kids or a spouse.

Posted by: willow at May 08, 2010 02:13 PM (ax2VZ)

177 Confirmed: Bob Bennett defeated.

Posted by: The War Between the Cardboard States at May 08, 2010 02:13 PM (Y7JPI)

178 Some of my best friends are cardboard people.

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (H+LJc)

179 Why is he letting immigrant cardboard take away jobs from us decent, God-fearing Americans?

Posted by: Straw Man at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (W+GYq)

180 guess people never think they might (One Day) have kids or a spouse

Posted by: willow at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (ax2VZ)

181 Early reports are of a flat figure fleeing the scene in a large brown truck. There is no confirmation that packing tape and copper staples were found at the scene.

Posted by: Contessa Brewer at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (ONBbr)

182

Fubar, hell why do they always make tapes, dopes!

guess people never think they might have kids or a spouse.

Posted by: willow at May 08, 2010 06:13 PM (ax2VZ)

This particular classy lady made it to market it, I gather.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (1fanL)

183

Shouldn't the rule's name be changed for different types of people?
White guys- 21 Second Rule
Black guys-17 Second Rule
Midgets- 45 Second Rule
Paraplegics- 4 Second Rule
Quadraplegics- Rule undefined as of print date.

Posted by: Bell Curve at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (XBdMr)

184

"But Moooommyyyy, we want to play in the yard and have friends, but the other kids laugh at us! They say their parents watch Daddy's YouTube videos at work and call him a dorky douchbag! Jimmy will never make the football team, and I'll get a date!"

Posted by: di butler, dead or alive at May 08, 2010 02:14 PM (S3xX1)

185 When Your Cardboard Absolutely, Positively Has To Be There Overnight

Cardboard Express

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 02:15 PM (QuP9W)

186 You can make lots more cool stuff with me.

Posted by: not jealous Papier Mache at May 08, 2010 02:15 PM (ax2VZ)

187

what ed at 13 said

i've seen a few real cop training films on knifes that make this guy look slow

moral is flash a cop a knife at 20' or less and you will suffer asute lead poisoning

Posted by: navycopjoe at May 08, 2010 02:16 PM (gg4j2)

188 179

Fubar, hell why do they always make tapes, dopes!

guess people never think they might have kids or a spouse.

Posted by: willow at May 08, 2010 06:13 PM (ax2VZ)

She did a reality show about being one of Hugh Hefner's live in concubines, so I don't think she has the same "life concerns" some of us do.

Posted by: White Male with a Katana San Diego at May 08, 2010 02:16 PM (oIp16)

189 Is it cardboard season?

Posted by: the chicken at May 08, 2010 02:17 PM (9Sq/v)

190 #174

No new thread until we get responses like this:

Knife? Lightweight.

Posted by: Cardboard at May 08, 2010 02:17 PM (2h8SL)

191 Was there a BLACK silhouette on that cardboard? You know that bad crazy wingnuts who are arming themselves to overthrow the government practice their shooting with BLACK silhouettes on cardboard targets, don't you?

Silhouette ... hey, I can speak another French word!

I bid you adieu

Posted by: Charles Johnson, Race Detective at May 08, 2010 02:17 PM (sYxEE)

192 What if I throw a cat on his face? Or a badger? What about a pointed stick?

Posted by: cheshirecat at May 08, 2010 02:17 PM (JH1bV)

193 Eat Mor Cardboard.

Posted by: A Cow at May 08, 2010 02:18 PM (1fanL)

194 Sock change

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at May 08, 2010 02:18 PM (oIp16)

195

You know who this video scares the most?

Butterface chicks.

Posted by: Observer of things at May 08, 2010 02:18 PM (XBdMr)

196

She did a reality show about being one of Hugh Hefner's live in concubines, so I don't think she has the same "life concerns" some of us do.

Posted by: White Male with a Katana San Diego at May 08, 2010 06:16 PM (oIp16)

ok, i can see the pay and bennies might be nice, But Hugh Hefner.

cold day in hell. shudder.

Posted by: not jealous Papier Mache at May 08, 2010 02:19 PM (ax2VZ)

197 President Obama bowed to the Cardboard Ambassador today after apologizing for stapling one of Biden's latest drawings of a flower and a cat on him.

Posted by: Contessa Brewer at May 08, 2010 02:19 PM (ONBbr)

198

She did a reality show about being one of Hugh Hefner's live in concubines, so I don't think she has the same "life concerns" some of us do.

Posted by: White Male with a Katana San Diego at May 08, 2010 06:16 PM (oIp16)

Yeah, and she ain't the brainiest trophy in any event.

Posted by: A Cow at May 08, 2010 02:19 PM (1fanL)

199 190
If some asshole comes at me with that high and outside or overhead shit I'll take that knife out of his broken limbs and make him eat it, handle first.

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 02:20 PM (H+LJc)

200

Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade...........

Posted by: Vanilla Ice, wearing jorts at May 08, 2010 02:21 PM (S3xX1)

201 Sure, weep for the cardboard. Where were all of you when we were victims of genocide?

Posted by: Chalk Body Outlines at May 08, 2010 02:22 PM (sYxEE)

202 Yo, cardboard-bigot dude! IÂ’m really happy for you; IÂ’mma let you finish. But Beyonce had one of the best music videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!

Posted by: Drillanwr at May 08, 2010 02:22 PM (GkYyh)

203

ok, i can see the pay and bennies might be nice, But Hugh Hefner.

cold day in hell. shudder.

Posted by: not jealous Papier Mache at May 08, 2010 06:19 PM (ax2VZ)

My ex-wife used to bump into him all the time at some dance club in LA and she said he's quite spy and in person she could see how he could still be bangin' 20-year-olds. That was about ten years ago.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at May 08, 2010 02:22 PM (oIp16)

204 Snap, Crackle, Pop!

Try to to that Cardboard Bitches!!

Posted by: Bubblewrap Krispies at May 08, 2010 02:23 PM (QuP9W)

205 Well, when I found out the car bomber was really a immigrant cardboard person, I was so upset I just had to get dressed and take a cold shower.

Posted by: Contessa Brewer at May 08, 2010 02:23 PM (ONBbr)

206 23 He has a swing set in his back yard! This guy actually found and courted a real live woman and then reproduced. ----------- Or it's his mom's place and the swingset is for his little sister, who was born about the time he was finishing up high school.

Posted by: Anachronda at May 08, 2010 02:24 PM (LD+ZJ)

207

Jim.

yikes, that's just an evil image.

Posted by: not jealous at May 08, 2010 02:24 PM (ax2VZ)

208

you know, if i went out to the yard and started making a video like that fool, i bet my wife would shoot me just to save face

'seriously your honor, look at this idiot'

'yep, dismissed'

Posted by: navycopjoe at May 08, 2010 02:24 PM (gg4j2)

209 Why do we go crazy? Because the cardboard never stops!

Posted by: Newman at May 08, 2010 02:25 PM (sYxEE)

210

'seriously your honor, look at this idiot'

'yep, dismissed'

Posted by: navycopjoe at May 08, 2010 06:24 PM (gg4j2)

Posted by: nods head. at May 08, 2010 02:26 PM (ax2VZ)

211 Cardboard? Lightweight

Posted by: Plywood at May 08, 2010 02:26 PM (sYxEE)

212 We do have a few cardboard persons here at MSNBC. I don't know any of them. One of them waves to me everyday. I think his name is Corrugated or something. Whatever.

Posted by: Contessa Brewer at May 08, 2010 02:26 PM (ONBbr)

213 sings, :all we are saying is give us a chance..

Posted by: shredded cardboard at May 08, 2010 02:26 PM (ax2VZ)

214 70 On the 21-foot thing, should you estimate or bring a tape measure? -------- Tape measure from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: Anachronda at May 08, 2010 02:28 PM (LD+ZJ)

215 I'm telling ya ,i know it must have been one of you guyz .

Posted by: cardboard al capone at May 08, 2010 02:29 PM (ax2VZ)

216 This posted in the YouTube comments 13 minutes ago:

Wow. the tonite show called me up to be on the show!!!!!!

Posted by: Y-not at May 08, 2010 02:29 PM (Kn9r7)

217 210

Jim.

yikes, that's just an evil image.

Posted by: not jealous at May 08, 2010 06:24 PM (ax2VZ)

If I can pull that off when I'm 80ish, I'll die happy.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at May 08, 2010 02:30 PM (oIp16)

218 I do remember a cardboard family on my street when I was growing up. But, I never knew them. I remember my Daddy saying there was a barbeque accident. He didn't like to talk about it.

Posted by: Contessa Brewer at May 08, 2010 02:31 PM (ONBbr)

219 Mock cardboard all you want, but it's the new cutting edge technology that GM will lead the industry in with our new lightweight fuel efficient cars.

While I'm here, could I borrow $20 to pay back what I borrowed from you last week?

Posted by: Ed Whitacre, GM CEO at May 08, 2010 02:31 PM (sYxEE)

220 Is that someguy slashing down?

Posted by: conscious and pressing 1 for english at May 08, 2010 02:31 PM (YVZlY)

221

Hef these days looks good, for an 84-year-old.

http://bit.ly/2uZfDO

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at May 08, 2010 02:32 PM (oIp16)

222 OT:

Senator Bob Bennet (RINO-Utah) did not survive the second round of balloting at the GOP state convention. LINK

It appears that Mitt's endorsement wasn't enough.

Posted by: mrp at May 08, 2010 02:33 PM (HjPtV)

223

Jim,

I suppose they are all adults and got what they wanted outta the deal.

Posted by: cardboard al capone at May 08, 2010 02:34 PM (ax2VZ)

224

Hef these days looks good, for an 84-year-old.

Where is he in that picture? Can't seem to find him.

Posted by: Whacking Boy at May 08, 2010 02:34 PM (XBdMr)

225

Bennett out. Utah GOP delegates reject 18-year Senate veteran

Posted by: conscious and pressing 1 for english at May 08, 2010 02:34 PM (YVZlY)

226 Oops! Looks like I'm a little late with the link.

Posted by: conscious and pressing 1 for english at May 08, 2010 02:35 PM (YVZlY)

227 What about a pointed stick?

Shaddup! Now, 'oo can tell me what to do if your attacker comes at you with a pomegranate!?!

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at May 08, 2010 02:35 PM (SHKl9)

228 226

Jim,

I suppose they are all adults and got what they wanted outta the deal.

Posted by: cardboard al capone at May 08, 2010 06:34 PM (ax2VZ)

That's kind of how I view the whole thing. Everyone got what they wanted out of the deal.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at May 08, 2010 02:35 PM (oIp16)

229 I have a beautiful cardboard box in my living room that I just love. I think my boyfriend loves it, too, because he is always telling his friends about my box.

Posted by: Contessa Brewer at May 08, 2010 02:35 PM (ONBbr)

230 Bennett didn't even qualify for primary... I think even Joe F.N. Biden would say that's a big deal.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 02:38 PM (F71c5)

231

There's just something about a beautiful box. Can't quite put my finger in it, but I know it when I see one.

Posted by: Whacking Boy at May 08, 2010 02:38 PM (XBdMr)

232 #228

You have the better link

When the results were announced, there was a huge ovation with shouts and yells of "He's gone! He's gone!" Delegates leapt to their feet, and embraced and waved "Do Not Tread On Me" flags.

Bennett was in tears as he answered questions during an emotional meeting with reporters.

Posted by: mrp at May 08, 2010 02:40 PM (HjPtV)

233 That's not like a hammer at all.

Posted by: Paul Anka at May 08, 2010 02:40 PM (zhHH2)

234

omfg, the comments are killer

"In other news, a youtube author named pekiti was found today in an alleyway murdered by gunshot. He was found 20 feet from a wall with over 200 bullet wounds in his body and 3 litres of semen in his anus."

Posted by: navycopjoe at May 08, 2010 02:43 PM (gg4j2)

235 Mitt's Magic Stick just fizzled.

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 02:43 PM (ONBbr)

236 This spastic 21 foot run is pretty much how Scots used those little Scean Dhubs.

Posted by: good midnight fluffy bunny what fluffs at midnight at May 08, 2010 02:44 PM (SMqnS)

237

The point is mightier than the edge. Ask a Roman.

Roman: Well, Vegetius said so, but he was trying to get the Late Roman Army of AD 400 to go back to the army of AD 200 or so, so you have to take him with a grain of salt. The early Gladius Hispanicus was made as a cut and thrust weapon, as the leaf-blade design and Plutarch's comments about Romans hacking off Macedonian limbs indicates, and the Romans eventually switched over to the spatha, a slashing weapon. The short, angular little swords most people are familiar with are only one type of many, and made for a rather particular type of fighting.

Anyway, thrusts may kill, but they don't always kill quickly enough to prevent the other guy from killing you. Removing a limb or lopping off a head will, which is why most battlefield swords are cutting or cut-and-thrust weapons.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 08, 2010 02:46 PM (ULOId)

238 This spastic 21 foot run is pretty much how Scots used those little Scean Dhubs.

Didna work too well at Culloden, though.

Posted by: mrp at May 08, 2010 02:47 PM (HjPtV)

239 Episode VII: The Cardboard Hutts

Posted by: George Lucas at May 08, 2010 02:49 PM (ONBbr)

240

>> thrusts may kill, but they don't always kill quickly enough to prevent the other guy from killing you

What makes you say a chop/hack/swing is faster? Besides straight lines are shorter distance, often inside-line, whilst a swing/whatever is by definition outside-line.

Posted by: good midnight fluffy bunny what fluffs at midnight at May 08, 2010 02:49 PM (SMqnS)

241 Swoops in and rescues the thread from the threat of mediocrity, leaving only the faint glowing aura of a neatly coifed pubic 'do, as he evaporates back into the nothingness from whence he came.

Posted by: The Fluffer at May 08, 2010 02:50 PM (2h8SL)

242 What if he has a longbow?

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2010 02:51 PM (ONBbr)

243

>>Didna work too well at Culloden, though

Not if you swing it like an idiot. You're supossed to stab down on the carotids or bear-hug whilst stabbing the kidneys. But its all done at a running blargh-y type pace and not against armored types

Posted by: good midnight fluffy bunny what fluffs at midnight at May 08, 2010 02:52 PM (SMqnS)

244
There really should be a post about Bennett, cob loggers.

Anyone? Hellooooooo?

Posted by: Dang Straights at May 08, 2010 02:52 PM (PANJ+)

245 Ha. Late to the party and haven't read the comments yet, but this nearly made me wee-wee. I especially loved the neighbor's garage door closing in disgust in the end.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 08, 2010 02:54 PM (UOM48)

246 228 I'm told that Kathleen Parker is already musing over a reasoned and considered response to this. Working title: "Utah is full of oogedy, boogedy, poopily boogery-heads". And then she'll go into the back garden and eat worms.

Meanies.

Posted by: Zimriel at May 08, 2010 02:54 PM (M6xzk)

247

China, Iran and North Korea have established a strategic alliance that focuses on missile and nuclear development, according to a new reportÂ…

China has sought to make Iran a key waystation in BeijingÂ’s silk road policy of expanding influence throughout Asia. The report said Beijing, believed to be channeling aid through neighboring North Korea, regarded Iran as an ally to balance the strategic relationship between the United States and the Gulf Cooperation Council. @Hot Air

Posted by: cardboard al capone at May 08, 2010 02:55 PM (ax2VZ)

248 http://tinyurl.com/2ecmov7

Thats was one of the videos on the side bar. I would sign up for a class like that.

Bunk !

Posted by: Sam at May 08, 2010 02:56 PM (Cxsey)

249 So Bennett's out?
Call us teabaggers again you establishment republican pukes.

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 02:57 PM (H+LJc)

250 They came for the cardboard, and I said nothing.

Posted by: Cliche Boy at May 08, 2010 02:57 PM (XBdMr)

251

Thats was one of the videos on the side bar. I would sign up for a class like that.

Bunk !

That's not all that's getting choked! Boo-yeah!

Posted by: Whacking Boy at May 08, 2010 02:59 PM (XBdMr)

252 Tazers don't work on cardboard.

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 03:02 PM (F71c5)

253

ohoh, in another video of this idiot and a knife/cardboard murder he pulls a revolver out of his pocket

i think his neighbors should move or have him committed

Posted by: navycopjoe at May 08, 2010 03:03 PM (gg4j2)

254 Flamethrowers work well on cardboard

Posted by: Huckleberry at May 08, 2010 03:03 PM (F71c5)

255 do you think the booting of Bennet out of the UT race willshake up the ole GOP?

Posted by: cardboard al capone at May 08, 2010 03:03 PM (ax2VZ)

256 Something tells me that 21 feet isn't a hard and fast rule for everyone.

Like this guy.

Posted by: Straw Man at May 08, 2010 03:04 PM (W+GYq)

257 That cardboard was weak.

Posted by: Spartan Baby Inspector at May 08, 2010 03:04 PM (9Sq/v)

258 I'm having flashbacks...

Posted by: A popped balloon at May 08, 2010 03:04 PM (2X8VA)

259 Those women doing the pole dancing are fucking amazing! That's Cirque de Soleil amazing.

Posted by: mpfs at May 08, 2010 03:05 PM (QuP9W)

260 From the comments over at youtube

"I see now how to apply the 21 foot rule to a cardboard model of a person. I was just wondering if you could make a video demonstrating how one would apply this method versus a wooden duck."

Posted by: Batman of Alcatraz at May 08, 2010 03:06 PM (H+LJc)

261

I guess this is a good excuse for a new thread.

My brothers and I, while growing up, spent over a decade doing this to each other with sticks. And sometimes bottles and other stuff depending upon how pissed off we were. Never with knifes, though. Tossing lawn darts over the roof in front and back yard teams of two was also healthy exercise back then.

Posted by: Ed Anger at May 08, 2010 03:07 PM (7+pP9)

262

What makes you say a chop/hack/swing is faster?

I meant that a slash inflicts a massive wound, leading to very rapid blood-loss and shock, if not total, immediate incapacitation. Stabs don't always, unless inflcited with a broad blade. Can I refer you to the article in SPADA II, looking at case studies by a military and trauma surgeon?

Besides straight lines are shorter distance, often inside-line, whilst a swing/whatever is by definition outside-line.

True. However, if you can do things like sidestep, which Modern and Classical Fencing do not allow, then it is irrelevent. Both Western swordplay, Medieval and Rennaisance, and Japanese Kenjutsu both emphasize lateral footwork. Also, it is harder to threaten more than one opponent with a thrust, but a slash can potentially go anywhere, very helpful in a melee or facing down more than one opponent.

I think you are using the outside/inside line differently than I am used to, incidentally.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 08, 2010 03:07 PM (ULOId)

263 do you think the booting of Bennett out of the UT race will shake up the ole GOP?

Posted by: cardboard al capone at May 08, 2010 07:03 PM (ax2VZ)

Interesting that for all of the DailyKos posturing about primary challenges to Democrats they don't think are orthodox enough, it's the TEA Party that manages to take out a sitting GOP Senator? It's the difference between talking a good game and executing a good game plan.

Posted by: stuiec at May 08, 2010 03:08 PM (W+GYq)

264 next post is up

Posted by: cardboard willow at May 08, 2010 03:09 PM (ax2VZ)

265 When I attack carboard, I use el garbago compactora. It's light and fast. Easier to swing. Deadly.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 08, 2010 03:10 PM (9Sq/v)

266

If you must Live by the Sword...

than you will Die By The Sword!

Posted by: garrett at May 08, 2010 03:11 PM (oD9/c)

267

₂₆₉_{When I attack carboard, I use el garbago compactora. It's light and fast. Easier to swing. Deadly.}

Just stay the fuck away from the Bailer.

Posted by: Darryl at May 08, 2010 03:12 PM (oD9/c)

268 And here's how you defend against this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eZKd2LW9zQ

Posted by: ExUrbanKevin at May 08, 2010 03:13 PM (toqoX)

269

Just stay the fuck away from the Bailer.

Oooh. Now there's a cardboard eating machne.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 08, 2010 03:17 PM (9Sq/v)

270 what a dick

Posted by: Jones at May 08, 2010 03:19 PM (JL3qV)

271 82I always hated the term "21 foot rule", as though you're safe at 22 or 25 feet. Way back when I was a police firearms instructor I taught the same principle, but as the "about ten yards rule". ---------- Yeah, but people are fatter and slower now.

Posted by: Anachronda at May 08, 2010 03:20 PM (LD+ZJ)

272 For vampires, it has to be a sword made out of the sun.

Posted by: Werewolf at May 08, 2010 03:23 PM (XBdMr)

273 What did you just say, you corrugated bastard?

Posted by: 99 Cent Store Box Cutter at May 08, 2010 03:32 PM (8WOM0)

274

I can draw a locked and loaded 9mm faster than this jerk can get his knife out of a pocket. Compare the velocity of a 9mm Kurz to this idiot's sprint speed.

Modern weapons alway win if the range is 7 yards at conflict initiation.

Of course it takes a brain to know when you're being attacked...this jerk doesn't have one imho and would be dead at about 3 yards. Unfortunately most concealed carry pemit holders are just, or more, braindead.

Situational awareness y'all.

RiverRat

Posted by: RiverRat at May 08, 2010 03:33 PM (RpON0)

275 36 Come at me with this banana...

Posted by: snapdragon at May 08, 2010 05:04 PM (5Etcj)

No fair making me laugh SD. ROFL1!!11!1!!

Posted by: Soon to be Ex-ExZonie at May 08, 2010 03:45 PM (zzP3l)

276 One time I got so mad at cardboard, I slashed at it with a turkey beak.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 08, 2010 03:54 PM (9Sq/v)

277 (And that's really mad.)

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 08, 2010 03:54 PM (9Sq/v)

278

Spaz is a killing word.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at May 08, 2010 04:10 PM (r60xu)

279 The Cardboard Slasher needs to go find a life...

The one he's currently hangin' around in isn't doing him any good at all.

Nice Clark Kent-lookalike hairdo, though.

Posted by: J.S.Bridges at May 08, 2010 04:14 PM (yW9En)

280

He is seriously unimpressive but read up on the tueller drill.

One strategy for defending oneself is to back up and turn off the line of attack, keep moving like that. This gives more time, delays closing of the distance, so one can get the firearm into action.

are we sure he is not a fellow moron that's mad that he ran out of valuerite?

Posted by: Mark at May 08, 2010 04:16 PM (W0mft)

281

That's not a knife. THIS is a ... uh. Now that I compare the two I guess that IS a knife.

Posted by: Aaron at May 08, 2010 04:17 PM (XUIJ5)

282 No going to read upthread, so if this point has already been made, well, deal with it.

As in Hollywood, it is extremely helpful if your intended target stands perfectly still while you rush them and is made of cardboard for ease of hacking.

I am assuming that if there were multiple attackers, they would do the courtesy of attacking the target one at a time.

Posted by: mpur in Texas (kicking Mexico's ass since 1836) at May 08, 2010 04:22 PM (iBTj9)

283

Its hard for me too make fun of his shorts,

WHEN I AM WEARING A PAIR VERRY SIMILAR.

I think I shall drink more beer and ignore your lack of style knowledge. Hmmmpf.

Posted by: Gerry Owen at May 08, 2010 04:27 PM (W7JkV)

284 Maybe this is the guy to go claim the Celtic beach towel from the 40 y.o, two-sworded, death dealer from 4 or 5 weeks ago.

Posted by: Arbalest at May 08, 2010 04:29 PM (BjcIH)

285 Give the cardboard a knife.

Posted by: mesablue at May 08, 2010 04:47 PM (sl3Ei)

286

Give the cardboard a knife.

No, it's, "Give the cardboard a blade."

Posted by: Paul Maud'Dib at May 08, 2010 04:56 PM (92cUy)

287 "All of you! You all killed him! And my brother, and Riff. Not with bullets, or guns, with hate. Well now I can kill, too, because now I have hate!"

Posted by: Drillanwr at May 08, 2010 05:12 PM (GkYyh)

288 Radar O'Reilly with LT moves. And a knife.

Women, contain yourselves.

Posted by: burnt toast at May 08, 2010 05:44 PM (MbMSS)

289 I'm in the martial arts and it's true,, a blade can be lethal and outdo a gun from 15-20 feet. Something every gun owner should be aware of and practice for. If you're going to carry, keep a knife on you as well or make real sure you can get that gun out fast. If someone is charging you suddenly and you can produce a blade fast, you've done a great deal to even the odds. The attacker may not even see the steel he's about to run into.

Posted by: jellytoast at May 08, 2010 05:45 PM (sI1Un)

290 I remember the research video on how the research team arrived at the 21 foot rule: An officer was placed in front of a set of swinging doors, and was told to use any force necessary to protect himself (had duty gear / holster / and I think a gun loaded with wax bullets (Simunition?) .

The attacker charged through the doors, pretty much at full tilt with a rubber knife.

New officer each time and couple of feet further back from the door. Attacked again.

Finally got consistent and successful results at 21 feet. That's the time it takes a trained officer, knowing that somethings gonna happen to recognize the threat and react.

Then they showed two videos of a town police chief, one before he was a victim of a knife attack and one after the attack. He went down into a basement to try and talk a guy he knew all the way back from high school, to drop the knife. Guy charged him and changed both lives forever.

I've told any officer that's older then 45, add another ten feet...

I saw the videos at a seminar back in the early 90's, and it still makes an impression to me.

Posted by: Don at May 08, 2010 06:04 PM (i4/z2)

291 The swingset is particularly menacing.

Posted by: Filly at May 08, 2010 06:15 PM (dSJW9)

292 He looks like Garth Merenghi.

Author. Visionary. Dreamweaver.

Posted by: schizuki at May 08, 2010 06:15 PM (Xd9fe)

293 THIS!! IS!! THE!! SUBURBS!!

Posted by: Aaron at May 08, 2010 06:53 PM (XUIJ5)

294 Dammit! I was in the FINAL stages of editing MY YouTube video when Blade Runner here beat me to it! In my video, I maniacally charge a tire swing in my back yard and beat the hell out of it with a Louisville Slugger! So much for my website and Internet start up business. You can still check it out at: Imafuckingidiot.com

Posted by: Snorty McBrearty at May 08, 2010 06:59 PM (vg2AU)

295 "I am sick and tired of all the motherfuckin' cardboard on this blog!"

Posted by: Samuel L Jackson at May 08, 2010 06:12 PM (sYxEE)

I'll take a Royale with cheese and an order of fries.... hold the fucking mayo though because that shit is disgusting on fries.

Posted by: Vincent at May 08, 2010 07:29 PM (MwCol)

296 That dude can slice like a goddamn hammer.

Posted by: random at May 08, 2010 07:37 PM (PUpEa)

297

I learned a secret technique that will defeat the 21 foot knife attacker. It's called 'running away faster, while drawing my gun'.

Posted by: adolfo_velasquez at May 08, 2010 08:25 PM (NFIHY)

298 Patches of square cardboard glued onto sticks don't people; people kill people.

Posted by: TexasJew at May 08, 2010 10:03 PM (OBeOW)

299

Okay, I took off the suppossedly godawful shorts, chased my wife around the house for a couple of hour in my underwear.

Worked out alright, but I still do not see what is wrong with them.

Posted by: Gerry Owen at May 08, 2010 10:49 PM (W7JkV)

300 Nobody mentions "flat fatima" of fauxtography fame?

Posted by: Have Blue at May 08, 2010 10:54 PM (mV+es)

301 We will bring you more exciting and better service. Our Spider costume are fashionable and creative. It's even more affordable. we provide high quality catsuits.Look here, there is a very innovative style models, our spandex zentai for sale We are waiting for you.. Please trust us. Choose us!

Posted by: zentaiStoreA at May 09, 2010 12:23 AM (9wxTE)

302 A man who knows his "carry drills", would have put "Mr. Ninja" in his OODA Loop at about 50 feet. (The long blade sends out a very obvious signal to a trained eye) At 30 feet the "D" has been fleshed out and a "pre-deployment" grip has been applied to the carry weapon. At this point Mr. Ninja sees or not the proposed application of lethal force by his intended victim and withdraws from his attack. Should he fail to recognize the prepared stance and instead chooses to make his attack at the 21 ft. mark....he is met with 1 or 2 rapid fire salvos of 2 round "Center of mass" hollow-points which would, (in cal's 40 and above) (9mm is a BS round) drop him like a bag of bricks before he hit the 15 foot mark ANY FUCKING QUESTIONS?

Posted by: Richard at May 09, 2010 02:04 AM (wrZBq)

303 That's it. I'm going to build a personal 21 foot hoop attachment for jean shorts. That way I'll know I'm safe when just chillin out. Better yet, I'll know when some bad guy is threatening my 21 feet of safety. What I like to call, my comfort zone. Cause you know that constantly estimating my comfort zone in public can be mentally draining after several hours, especially in crowded places like civil war reinactments and kids birthday parties. Cause you never know.

Posted by: Just chilln gets you killin at May 09, 2010 02:15 AM (176d9)

304 It's even worse if the murderous shit comes at you from behind a closed door and you're standing there flat footed. Anyhow, we were taught the same thing in the academy. It takes the average person a half second to realize the danger and another half second to begin to react. By that time the assailant is already halfway to you. If he's 20' away, drop into a defensive stance, or shit yourself, whatever comes first.

Posted by: sig94 at May 09, 2010 04:17 AM (BcGkJ)

305 296 He looks like Garth Merenghi.

Author. Visionary. Dreamweaver.

Posted by: schizuki at May 08, 2010 10:15 PM (Xd9fe)

Plus actor.

Posted by: Garth Merenghi at May 09, 2010 06:10 AM (n+bbX)

306

His web site teaches how to defend against a knife attack even if the attacker is not an expert.

We teach:

How to conceal, carry, draw and shoot the handgun at all ranges against multiple opponents from contact distance to far away.

At long range, we teach the use of cover and rapid, accurate shooting.
At close range, we teach fighting techniques to bring the attack to the opponent while keeping you safe.
Gun vs. gun, gun vs. empty hand, gun vs. knife.

Divided into two distinct but related classes taught back to back. You can come to one or both. Each class is $100/month. 18 years and over only.

Posted by: Sabba Hillel at May 09, 2010 07:24 AM (MJbxw)

307

I have a class on how to use a steak knife. Classes cost ten dollars. You bring two steaks, charcoal, salad for two people, a french roll, and, um, a nice cabernet.

You get instructon on tableware placement, fork holding, and the gentle knife method. "Let the knife do the work" is my motto. You will also learn the proper method of sopping steak drippings and grunting in a satisfied fashion.

I'll be teaching this class every night.

Bring a movie too.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 09, 2010 11:57 AM (9DKuP)

308 it was more entertaining with the sound off.

Posted by: rumcrook™ at May 09, 2010 01:10 PM (60WiD)

309 I could kill this clown with a ruler.

Posted by: CharlieDontSurf at May 09, 2010 05:10 PM (o3PX9)

310

...as elegant as a platypus and nimble as a hippopotymus

Posted by: Tyler520 at May 10, 2010 12:50 AM (mOjPB)

311 This guy is merely demonstrating how quickly your afternoon stroll can be turned into a nightmare by even a clumsy, slow-assed criminal bent on savagery. The 21 foot rule is an old axiom that states that any person within 21 feet of you can kill you in less than one second or some such. I can't remeber it exactly, but the point is, if you let bad guys get close, you may not have time to do anything about it but bleed out after he has stuck you.

Posted by: Goober at May 10, 2010 01:27 PM (Pzz/u)

312

I was actually kind of wondering about the "slash" attacks in here. He obviously has no concept of how to properly fight with a knife, assuming that is what he is trying to show us and not a crazed, clumsy lunatic attack for effect... I don't care what they showed when Mel Gibson killed all of those british troopers in "the Patriot" - you can't slash across a person's ribcage and do any damage other than cause the poor bastard to need a mess of stitches. The best knife attacks are underhand stabbing attacks where you actually lead with your offhand high to distract from the knife hand going low in uder the diapraghm and/or between ribs.

Of course, the other option is to truly go low all together and go for legs. Femoral artery on the inside of the thigh, easily slashed tendons in the knee... That's what wolves do, and a couple million years of evolution can't be wrong.

Yeah, the tendons won't kill you, but it will take you out long enough for a finisher.

Posted by: Goober at May 10, 2010 01:43 PM (Pzz/u)

313 led digital watch led digital watches led display watch vintage led watch

Posted by: dfcvbcb at May 18, 2010 09:18 PM (eU/Oa)

314 xbox 360 card xbox 360 points xbox 360 live points xbox 360 cards xbox 360 live points card

Posted by: vdwe at November 08, 2010 11:46 PM (KTiYk)

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