Ace of Spades HQ

March 04, 2010

Where in the World is Ace O' Spades open thread. [krak]
— Open Blogger

Did a tree fall on him during his hump-night Ewok drum meditation?
Did he run into a ninja hobo?
Did he finally tie one on so bad he can't find his way back to his mom's basement?

Winning entry gets a one year subscription to AoS HQ, a pat on the head, and a snickers bar. (Bonus points for whoever matches the joke for that punchline.)

Posted by: Open Blogger at 09:50 AM | Comments (214)
Post contains 86 words, total size 1 kb.

1 god damn it! The one time I'm first my GOD DAMN BROWSER HANGS. fuck you, Firefox.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 09:51 AM (2zkIP)

2 Oh. Firefox, all is forgiven.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 09:52 AM (2zkIP)

3 I heard he was busy denying rumors that he intends to retire from the Supreme Court. Or was he admitting his family bank is about to fail?

I get so confused.

Posted by: Ray-man at March 04, 2010 09:52 AM (xr10L)

4 A Snikers bar or a bar full of snikerers?

Posted by: Vic at March 04, 2010 09:52 AM (QrA9E)

5 Sarah rules!

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 09:52 AM (2zkIP)

6 Where in the World is Ace O' Spades

That's a rhetorical question, right?

Posted by: runningrn at March 04, 2010 09:53 AM (CfmlF)

7 colonoscopy?

Posted by: jeff at March 04, 2010 09:53 AM (HScbI)

8 I believe he's watching Beaches with AP.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 04, 2010 09:54 AM (I1/U/)

9 He went looking for his own ass and hasn't been seen since.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 09:54 AM (2zkIP)

10 Maybe if Rockapella sings about it in an alley, we can all find out together. (And it's educational!)

Posted by: Joanna at March 04, 2010 09:54 AM (7+WuG)

11 He's currently renting space in Lizardboy's brain. Or perhaps excitable Andi's.

Posted by: Al at March 04, 2010 09:54 AM (kzhBw)

12 I believe that Ace O'Spades is getting ready for this Friday's highly anticipated Cinco De Marcho in celebration of his Irish heritage.

Posted by: runningrn at March 04, 2010 09:54 AM (CfmlF)

13 Praise Barry & pass the .......

Posted by: Unprecedented! at March 04, 2010 09:54 AM (ucq49)

14 3 I heard he was busy denying rumors that he intends to retire from the Supreme Court. Or was he admitting his family bank is about to fail?

I get so confused.
Posted by: Ray-man

I heard that too. I'm sure Obama still has some resumes in his "racist activist judges" file he can review to find a replacement.

Posted by: Crusty at March 04, 2010 09:55 AM (GvSpB)

15 The hobos are having their revenge. Rumor has it they're making a tarp out of his hump.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 04, 2010 09:55 AM (UOM48)

16 How about an early afternoon F.U. to the State Department?

This company is thinking about unemploying a bunch of Americans and moving to the free capitalist utopia of Canada where the export regulations are less ridiculous.

Posted by: Amy Winehouse at March 04, 2010 09:55 AM (F/4zf)

He is gone? Didn't notice....and I am NOT Charlie Gibson.

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 09:55 AM (rVJH4)

18 Oh! Loook! Na'avi!!

Posted by: Garbiel Mamlor at March 04, 2010 09:55 AM (dP6Ky)

19 Joke setup:

Young new priest fills in for neighborhood fixture priest and asks alter boy for what the regular confession hearer gives for a b.j.

Am I doing it right?

Posted by: sithkhan at March 04, 2010 09:56 AM (kZHDL)

20 Hey! That's not a Snickers Bar. But it sure tastes nutty.

Posted by: Prize Winner at March 04, 2010 09:56 AM (IhQuA)

21 (Bonus points for whoever matches the joke for that punchline.)

Ya mean the joke where the guy take over the confessional for a few minutes?

Posted by: Dang at March 04, 2010 09:56 AM (UA4gE)

Since Ace is not here I'll give the latest Rass Poll; Obama holding at -14.

He needs another big meeting with Repubs so he can get back to -21.

Posted by: Vic at March 04, 2010 09:56 AM (QrA9E)

23 Do it, Rockapella!

Posted by: Abby Adams at March 04, 2010 09:56 AM (pLTLS)

24 He's currently in a 4G inverted dive with a MIG-28.

Posted by: Chris at March 04, 2010 09:56 AM (9bqRm)

25 RadarOnline.com has breaking news reports that Ace has resigned from Ace O'Spades HQ for personal reasons.

Posted by: enoxo at March 04, 2010 09:57 AM (a1fP4)

26 Am I doing it right?

Little Miss Spellcheck might say Not.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 09:57 AM (2zkIP)

27 He was preparing for his confirmation hearings as Obama's choice to succeed Roberts on the Supreme Court.

Posted by: Alan Smithee at March 04, 2010 09:58 AM (F7GbV)

28 For those who sighted this alleged "Ace", which one is it?
http://www.wbaltv.com/slideshow/slideshows/20067310/detail.html

Posted by: Garbiel Mamlor at March 04, 2010 09:58 AM (dP6Ky)

29 He's rehearsing for his new part in Glee.

Posted by: conscious and knows where Ace is at March 04, 2010 09:58 AM (Vu6sl)

30 Posted by: sithkhan at March 04, 2010 01:56 PM (kZHDL)

Winner winner, chicken fucker.

Wait, that's not right. I think that's supposed to rhyme?

Posted by: krakatoa at March 04, 2010 09:59 AM (jgMBD)

31 Did you guys hear Mark Levin interview that professor that knew bammie when he was a temporary lecturer. .... Barry sounds as if he was just as big a jackass back then.

Posted by: doug at March 04, 2010 09:59 AM (dxxkS)

32 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShacMAn_HK8

Hopefully he recovers.

Posted by: Mord at March 04, 2010 09:59 AM (tTj19)

33 Maybe he got stuck in a eco-friendly gerbil ball up Lindsey Graham's ass.

Posted by: TexasJew at March 04, 2010 09:59 AM (NaUPn)

Three words:

BETT EEE FORD.

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 09:59 AM (rVJH4)

35 When you buy that generic brand toilet paper, it takes a LOT of repetitions to get the job done.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 04, 2010 10:00 AM (xqhoO)

36 BREAKING: Rep. Bart Stupak's mother has canceled her order for a judicial robe.

Posted by: Cicero at March 04, 2010 10:00 AM (QKKT0)

Well he glides around the globe and he'll "flimflam" every nation,
He's a double-dipping diva with a taste for butterscotch,
His itinerary's loaded up with puddin' violations,
Tell me where in the world is Ace O' Spades open thread?

Rockapella did it.

Posted by: Abby Adams at March 04, 2010 10:00 AM (pLTLS)

38 14 The hobos are having their revenge. Rumor has it they're making a tarp out of his hump.
(dons deep, husky voice) And he better be putting on the lotion or he gets the hose.

Posted by: RushBabe at March 04, 2010 10:00 AM (LKkE8)

39 Make it a deep-fried Mars Bar and we have a deal.

My guess is that he's gone mad and believes he is his D&D character.

Posted by: Salem at March 04, 2010 10:01 AM (86rbG)

40 He needs another big meeting with Repubs so he can get back to -21.

I'd like to believe that, but I've been watching, and it seems to me that his tricks work. After the SOTU he went up to -4, and post- Bipartisan Kabuki he went from -21 to -12 in two days. He always falls right back, but the "Independents" seem to be a bunch of wide-eyed fanbots.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 10:01 AM (2zkIP)

41 Did you guys hear Mark Levin interview that professor that knew bammie when he was a temporary lecturer. .... Barry sounds as if he was just as big a jackass back then. Posted by: doug at March 04, 2010 01:59 PM (dxxkS) yeah like a tiger ever changes it's stripes?

Posted by: nevergiveup at March 04, 2010 10:01 AM (0GFWk)

42 He was arrested giving hobos Snickers bars in exchange for pats on the head. ( And by head, I mean penis).

Posted by: devilish at March 04, 2010 10:02 AM (vyRPu)

yeah like a tiger ever changes it's stripes?

They don't?

Posted by: E. Woods at March 04, 2010 10:02 AM (rVJH4)

44 He's just not that into it anymore.

Posted by: Kensington at March 04, 2010 10:02 AM (akBHW)

ace is trapped in a big straw man and a bunch of premenstrual women are trying to set him on fire.

Has Burning Man kicked off already?

Posted by: ErikW at March 04, 2010 10:03 AM (7P5dQ)

46 Ace is busy scouting campaign HQ nationwide to head up Sarah Palin's 2012 run. Go, Ace, go!

Posted by: RushBabe at March 04, 2010 10:03 AM (LKkE8)

47 ace has been nominated as chief judge in the San Francisco Hobo Circuit Court which decides which leather vagabounds receive city aid. His record is pending review.

Posted by: wtfci at March 04, 2010 10:03 AM (+zo63)

48 So Co-bloggers. No news? No commentary? You couldn't even gank a story from Hot Air or Instapundit? You guys are lame.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at March 04, 2010 10:03 AM (0q2P7)

The Blue Dogs will vote for the bill for a Snickers bar that has come straight out of Obama's ass.

They work cheap, like crack whores.

Posted by: TexasJew at March 04, 2010 10:03 AM (NaUPn)

50 So which one was the punchline?

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at March 04, 2010 10:03 AM (cpuvG)

51 Maybe it is time for a King of Spades Coup de taut.

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 10:04 AM (rVJH4)

52 Is he caught in a Rube Goldberg machine?

Posted by: Mortis at March 04, 2010 10:04 AM (QjuDE)

53 A gallon of valurite, a case of jello chocolate mouse temptations, a pic of tricorner hat girl and voila, ace mia.

Posted by: bebes boobs destroy at March 04, 2010 10:04 AM (cniXs)

54 The notoriously brutal Irish wing of the Mossad, "L'Chaim Go Bragh", has him holed up in Tel Aviv after his role in the Palestinian assassination.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at March 04, 2010 10:04 AM (usjNq)

yeah like a tiger ever changes it's stripes? -nevergiveup

Just because Barry is half black too, does not mean that you have to compare him to Tiger. There HAVE been other black golfers, you know?

Posted by: Abby Adams at March 04, 2010 10:04 AM (pLTLS)

56 My guess is that he's gone mad and believes he is his D&D character.

So chaotic evil then.

Posted by: alexthechick at March 04, 2010 10:04 AM (8WZWv)

57 He's filled his bathtub with pudding and is having a little "private" time.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (UOM48)

55 The notoriously brutal Irish wing of the Mossad, "L'Chaim Go Bragh", has him holed up in Tel Aviv after his role in the Palestinian assassination.

I almost choked trying not to laugh out loud at work. Thanks for that.

Posted by: Joanna at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (7+WuG)

59 I believe that Ace has changed his name and his fAce, and is currently enrolling in the Witness Protection Program to elude his persistent stalker. I fear we will never see or hear from him again.

Posted by: runningrn at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (CfmlF)

60 I'm afraid to state my guess but it probably involves Luxlux, a bed, some rope, a 2 x 4 between his ankles and a ball peen hammer.

Posted by: Rocks at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (Q1lie)

61 He's in Canada getting a handy from Michael J. Fox.

Posted by: Uniball at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (27iEn)

62 Maybe he's personally apologizing to Al Sharpton for Maet's "Ambulamps" post yesterday.

Posted by: TexasJew at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (NaUPn)

63 I heard that Ace was out buying playoff tickets for the NY Knick Home Games?

Posted by: nevergiveup at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (0GFWk)

64 He had to unexpectedly... uh... well hold on a minute. Just listen to me... listen to me, uh, here. He decided you uh, you can't just post statements based on a fifty plus one, uh, hold on. -bangs teleprompter- Oh, uh here. He's decided to start gathering more uh... oh screw it, he's with Rangel in a lovenest. -returns to waffles.-

Posted by: Harlequin at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (31hfe)

65 42 He needs another big meeting with Repubs so he can get back to -21.

I'd like to believe that, but I've been watching, and it seems to me that his tricks work. After the SOTU he went up to -4, and post- Bipartisan Kabuki he went from -21 to -12 in two days. He always falls right back, but the "Independents" seem to be a bunch of wide-eyed fanbots.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 02:01 PM (2zkIP)

The jump back to -4 after the SOTY just proves how influential and stupid the American voter actually is. Obama gives a fuckin' speach. Nothing changed. Nothing happened immediately. It was just words and they bought it like a bunch of sheep. Absolutely pathetic.

Posted by: conscious and pissed off at March 04, 2010 10:05 AM (Vu6sl)

Ummmm he misread the discription of the festival, and is in France. For some dippin'

http://tiny.cc/lVlM0

Posted by: skye at March 04, 2010 10:06 AM (HwMXR)

67 If Ace is gone for good, who gets the blog? I'd like to suggest some improvements.

Posted by: Cicero at March 04, 2010 10:06 AM (QKKT0)

61: Ball peen? Have you ever used a ball peen hammer? Those things don't do squat for anything except extremities.

Now a three-pound sledge, that'll mess you up.

Posted by: Joanna at March 04, 2010 10:06 AM (7+WuG)

69 I suspect some sort of dippin' related accident. Did Ace discover he's allergic to tapioca?

Posted by: Bald Ninja at March 04, 2010 10:06 AM (4pdbX)

70 ace is trapped in a big straw man and a bunch of premenstrual women are trying to set him on fire.

The Wicker Ewok?

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at March 04, 2010 10:07 AM (0q2P7)

71 Didn't everybody get the memo: It is international only 3 threads per site day, so we have to tread carefully or the next one might be wasted on evil catholics, the supreme court or Sarah Palin. choose wisely.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at March 04, 2010 10:07 AM (cpuvG)

S U R P R I S E !!!!!!!

http://tinyurl.com/ycbk6hq

via HotAir headlines

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at March 04, 2010 10:07 AM (RkRxq)

73 Ace and his "inner circle" have been posting at the ghost site all day.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 04, 2010 10:07 AM (I1/U/)

Ace's hump and LauraW's hump became entangled and they're stuck together like two dogs in heat out on a school playground.

Posted by: conscious and guessing at March 04, 2010 10:07 AM (Vu6sl)

75 John Roberts is interviewing for a replacement.

Posted by: TexasJew at March 04, 2010 10:07 AM (NaUPn)

So Co-bloggers. No news? No commentary? You couldn't even gank a story from Hot Air or Instapundit? You guys are lame.

Well, I was going to suggest The Guardian's top story about a surge in rightwing violence by anti-Obama types but then I saw that it was about a report from the Southern Poverty Law Center. And that it was in The Guardian.

Oh look. The sun's out!

Posted by: ErikW at March 04, 2010 10:08 AM (7P5dQ)

77 61 I'm afraid to state my guess but it probably involves Luxlux, a bed, some rope, a 2 x 4 between his ankles and a ball peen hammer.

Sigh! And I thought I was Ace's biggest fan!

Posted by: Annie Wilkes at March 04, 2010 10:09 AM (CfmlF)

One good thing about Obama announcing he's starting to round up 'doubters'; we'll be able to laugh at his mispronunciation of Nacht und Nebel before the goons show up at our door.

What time is Art Bell on?? He knows where Ace is!!

Posted by: Sort-of-Paranoid-Today Max at March 04, 2010 10:09 AM (ERJIu)

79 He does his best blogging on the bus.

Posted by: TexasJew at March 04, 2010 10:09 AM (NaUPn)

80 I'm wondering if he is on the radio? Ace are you Greg Gutfeld?

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:10 AM (p302b)

81 He insisted upon himself one too many times.

Posted by: angler at March 04, 2010 10:10 AM (SwjAj)

82 It was just words and they bought it like a bunch of sheep. Absolutely pathetic. Posted by: conscious and pissed off

I blame our educational system. It's "working," i.e. doing what it is currently designed to do.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 10:10 AM (2zkIP)

83 Has anyone checked the closets in Bangkok?

Posted by: david carradine at March 04, 2010 10:10 AM (S3xX1)

84 who is this ace that you speak of?

Posted by: duncan at March 04, 2010 10:11 AM (gjUaP)

85 He is banned.

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 10:11 AM (rVJH4)

^{S U R P R I S E !!!!!!!}

^{via HotAir headlines}

Shouldn't that be: S U P P L I E S !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at March 04, 2010 10:11 AM (cpuvG)

87 He lost his virginity. All by himself.

Posted by: robotwhisper at March 04, 2010 10:11 AM (EiH7n)

88 I heard he was interviewing at LGF.

Posted by: Locus at March 04, 2010 10:11 AM (f1vXs)

89 Where in the World is Ace O' Spades

Recovering from a date with Ayla Brown.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 04, 2010 10:11 AM (mR7mk)

90 You know, Perez Hilton and Ace have never been seen in the same room.

Posted by: arhooley at March 04, 2010 10:12 AM (2zkIP)

91 Ace is being detained before the untimely conclusion of his tour at the Jello Puddin' Plant.

Posted by: runningrn at March 04, 2010 10:12 AM (CfmlF)

92 The chicken Ranch.

Posted by: the chicken at March 04, 2010 10:12 AM (7t+Ws)

93 He's got a cameo on The Real Housewives of NYC tonight.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 04, 2010 10:12 AM (UOM48)

94 Ummm, he and LauraW are holed up in a Manhattan apartment watching reruns of BSG while in a kiddie pool filled with Valu-Rite. They chase spoonfuls of pudding around the pool with a straw until one of them accidentally snorts vodka. They collapse in laughter and then start all over again.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 04, 2010 10:12 AM (i3AsK)

95 I think the site is losing posters, is that by design?

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:13 AM (p302b)

96 Salem Communications abducted him and has him hooked up to one of those Clockwork Orange thingies. But why?

Posted by: Salem at March 04, 2010 10:13 AM (86rbG)

97 Where in the World is Ace O' Spades

Under the Queen O' Hearts?

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at March 04, 2010 10:13 AM (cpuvG)

98 He has to be very busy. Maybe he is getting laid.

Posted by: snafu at March 04, 2010 10:13 AM (8d28r)

99 So a baby seal walks into a club...

Posted by: Mord at March 04, 2010 10:13 AM (tTj19)

100 Ace is holed up writing another 5,000 word screed about Andrew Sullivan jokes and how some of the commenters here aren't even funny.

Posted by: Cicero at March 04, 2010 10:13 AM (QKKT0)

101 Hiking the Appalachian Trail!

Posted by: Paul Revere at March 04, 2010 10:14 AM (epgqp)

102 All Ace and Co-bloggers are belong to us.

Posted by: stupid ass kidnappers at March 04, 2010 10:14 AM (Vu6sl)

103 Posted by: Cicero at March 04, 2010 02:13 PM (QKKT0)

I know i'm not funny but it is harder to be the "straight woman"

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:14 AM (p302b)

104 This is a completely bogus disappearance, aimed at boosting the ratings. If there would be 2.78 blogs out there, it might work.

Posted by: Garbiel Mamlor at March 04, 2010 10:15 AM (dP6Ky)

105 I spotted him! He's over in the right hand corner slapping the stalker!

Posted by: Hobo at March 04, 2010 10:15 AM (mMdWG)

106 With all the mad ad money rolling in, he might have bought that diamond bikini for a little hottie.

Posted by: snafu at March 04, 2010 10:15 AM (8d28r)

107

Bath tub filled with ice

Ace awakes, less a kidney

Can't trust Thai hookers

Posted by: ErikW at March 04, 2010 10:16 AM (7P5dQ)

108 He went for the "Dip of Dips" at the Jello plant and fell in.

Posted by: @TEXAN at March 04, 2010 10:16 AM (ST5Lp)

109
Global Warming strikes again:
More than 50 ships, including large ferries reportedly carrying thousands of passengers, were stuck in ice in the Baltic Sea

Posted by: Dang Straights at March 04, 2010 10:16 AM (fx8sm)

110 Radar has a story up about an Ewok stalking Megyn Kelly.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 04, 2010 10:16 AM (UOM48)

111

sithkhan at March 04, 2010 01:56 PM (kZHDL)

An alcoholic, a priest, and a pedophile walks into a bar.... and that was just the first guy.

Posted by: harleycowboy at March 04, 2010 10:16 AM (JKGfQ)

112 They chase spoonfuls of pudding around the pool with a straw

Umm, that's not pudding.

Posted by: CUS at March 04, 2010 10:17 AM (wOGfT)

113
Oh, Ace is chained up in some psycho fatty's basement.

Posted by: Dang Straights at March 04, 2010 10:17 AM (fx8sm)

114 99 Salem Communications abducted him and has him hooked up to one of those Clockwork Orange thingies. But why?

Posted by: Salem at March 04, 2010 02:13 PM (86rbG)

They're making him watch videos of Andi Sullyvan and at the same time blasting The Carenters greatest hits in the background.

Posted by: conscious and suspecting torture at March 04, 2010 10:17 AM (Vu6sl)

115 Ace(RINO-NY) and the Log Cabin Republicans are holed-up in the Catskills deciding on how to proceed with their pro-gay, pro-abortion agenda. And, they're getting it on.

Posted by: Purity Republican at March 04, 2010 10:18 AM (I1/U/)

116 On a serious note, has anyone spoken to him. He is MIA a lot and then he has a posting frenzy and then he is MIA. I'm worried this is some new kind of internet malady.

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:18 AM (p302b)

117

Seems like this site increasingly devolves into nonsensical banter...which can be fun, but the relevance of this site is now pretty much toast.

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 10:18 AM (rVJH4)

118

@ 120

What is this "relevance" of which you speak?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 04, 2010 10:20 AM (i3AsK)

119 Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 02:18 PM (rVJH4)

Think this is everyone's concern. That someone's blog could deteriorate and lose its sway which is why we all keep coming back.

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:20 AM (p302b)

120 I read something about 6 feet and daisys......somewhere......

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 10:20 AM (rVJH4)

121 Second place is a set of steak knives, and third place is "you're fired"?

Posted by: looking closely at March 04, 2010 10:20 AM (6Q9g2)

122 112
Global Warming strikes again:
More than 50 ships, including large ferries reportedly carrying thousands of passengers, were stuck in ice in the Baltic Sea

Posted by: Dang Straights at March 04, 2010 02:16 PM (fx8sm)

But...Wait...Wha??? We were told there was no ice in the Baltic Sea

Posted by: typical dumbass climate change douchebags at March 04, 2010 10:21 AM (Vu6sl)

123 129 112
Global Warming strikes again:
More than 50 ships, including large ferries reportedly carrying thousands of passengers, were stuck in ice in the Baltic Sea

Posted by: Dang Straights at March 04, 2010 02:16 PM (fx8sm)

But...Wait...Wha??? We were told there was no ice in the Baltic Sea

Posted by: typical dumbass climate change douchebags at March 04, 2010 02:21 PM (Vu6sl)

In Russia, Ice melts you!

Posted by: Yakov at March 04, 2010 10:22 AM (LdYLm)

124

On a serious note, has anyone spoken to him. He is MIA a lot and then he has a posting frenzy and then he is MIA. I'm worried this is some new kind of internet malady.

It's nothing that regular doses of lithium won't fix.

Posted by: Cicero at March 04, 2010 10:22 AM (QKKT0)

125
Think this is everyone's concern. That someone's blog could deteriorate and lose its sway which is why we all keep coming back.

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 02:20 PM (p302b)

Well, then the others need to post some articles so we can actually get back to business in amongst the fun.

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 10:23 AM (rVJH4)

126

Don't worry boys, I'll find him.

Pipe down, sistah! I'll get the job done!

Posted by: Col. Percy Harrison Fawcett at March 04, 2010 10:23 AM (CfmlF)

127 Red Eye devotees, how many think Greg = Ace. Too much in common, hobos, robots, smart yet hot babes.

Whadda think?

Posted by: Mike H at March 04, 2010 10:24 AM (LdYLm)

128 Last I saw Ace, I left him alone in the woods with a bag and a flashlight. Maybe he's still expecting us to flush the snipe out.

Posted by: rktkt at March 04, 2010 10:24 AM (DkEUV)

129 I've tapped him for Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee. He'll be back soon.

Posted by: N. Pelosi at March 04, 2010 10:24 AM (m9LlY)

130 Frankly, I just don't care.

Posted by: Judge Crater at March 04, 2010 10:24 AM (86rbG)

131

After a pudding session because of this essay by Dan Riehl,

http://tinyurl.com/ybt996s

Ace is doing recon and is taking matters into his own hands.

Give 'em hell, Ace!

Posted by: RushBabe at March 04, 2010 10:24 AM (LKkE8)

132 Diamond bikini clad Rosie O'Donnell is trying to "melt his steel".

Posted by: runningrn at March 04, 2010 10:25 AM (CfmlF)

133

Ace.

He's like...Everywhere...Man.

Posted by: garrett the hippie at March 04, 2010 10:26 AM (LeYse)

134 I heard Ace is out "taking a pole".

Posted by: California Red at March 04, 2010 10:26 AM (7uWb8)

135

Ace.

He's like...Everywhere...Man.

Nous sommes tous Ace!

Posted by: Les Francais at March 04, 2010 10:27 AM (CfmlF)

136

More than likely he shaved.

...and now he's gone.

Gonna miss that fuzzy little bastard.

Posted by: garrett the pragmatist at March 04, 2010 10:27 AM (LeYse)

137

He's passed out in a cheap motel room somewhere in Buxton, his balls stuck in a full jar of dill pickle spears.

Posted by: JDW at March 04, 2010 10:28 AM (uw+0A)

138 Valu-Rite wears off Nancy Pelosi dresses Tuesday at Ace's.

Posted by: joncelli at March 04, 2010 10:30 AM (RD7QR)

139

He's passed out in a cheap motel room somewhere in Buxton, his balls stuck in a full jar of dill pickle spears.

Well, that's an image I could have lived without.

Remind me why I come here, again?

Posted by: Joanna at March 04, 2010 10:31 AM (7+WuG)

140 Ace is filing papers to run for the gov of NY on the Ewok ticket.

Posted by: RushBabe at March 04, 2010 10:31 AM (LKkE8)

141 Ace is heading up the relief efforts in Chile. He's on his way with a shipload of Valurite and butterscotch pudding to help the people of that country recover from the recent disaster of a Hillary visit.

Posted by: Reiver at March 04, 2010 10:32 AM (Yi1Sk)

142 Why didn't you come to me like a f*cking man and tell me Ace was missing??

Posted by: John Edwards, #5214256 at March 04, 2010 10:32 AM (ERJIu)

143
Well if PA and DrewM would pick up a little slack, we wouldn't be stuck with 2 topics and the ONT during the day. Hey, maybe those topics that go up at night can maybe go up, say, during the day when people can actually SEE them? Just a thought.

Posted by: Dang Straights at March 04, 2010 10:33 AM (fx8sm)

144 He just wants to spend more time with his ...nothing?

Posted by: hutch1200 at March 04, 2010 10:33 AM (BVY2X)

145

From Drudge:

Former vice president and Nobel Peace Prize winner Al Gore will receive an honorary doctoral degree from the University of Tennessee.

I am damn glad I am not an alumni of U.T. I hope GA stomps the piss out of them in every sport this year.

Posted by: Vic at March 04, 2010 10:33 AM (QrA9E)

146

He's passed out in a cheap motel room somewhere in Buxton, his balls stuck in a full jar of dill pickle spears. again.

FTFY

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at March 04, 2010 10:33 AM (ERJIu)

147

I believe Ace is preparing for his debut on Dancing With The Stars.

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:34 AM (iYbLN)

148 He's safely aboard, on a cruise.

Posted by: Marie Celeste at March 04, 2010 10:36 AM (R2fpr)

149 Freestyle hobo Recon?

Posted by: hutch1200 at March 04, 2010 10:36 AM (BVY2X)

150 Late night skinny-dipping at Sea World?

Posted by: Zuke at March 04, 2010 10:37 AM (8NiWI)

151

evil catholics,

you're being redundant here. Trust me; I know.

Posted by: Papist bograt at March 04, 2010 10:37 AM (R2fpr)

152 He was just at my house asking to borrow the bath towel I was wearing. Something about his car hitting a water buffalo.

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at March 04, 2010 10:37 AM (n8Nln)

153 Ace's auto-erotic asphyxiation obsession sometimes gets him in trouble. That and the rapings.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 04, 2010 10:37 AM (I1/U/)

154 While we're waiting for Ace to show up, watch the puppies.

http://tinyurl.com/yfc6xng

Posted by: Tami at March 04, 2010 10:38 AM (VuLos)

155 This may take a "moment".

Posted by: sister souljah at March 04, 2010 10:38 AM (BVY2X)

156 Ladies and Gentlemen; what we have often feared has come to pass. Ace has banned himself. The banhammer is fickle that way.

Posted by: Blue Hen at March 04, 2010 10:39 AM (R2fpr)

157 Gives us control of blog and no one gets hurtz.

Posted by: The Kittehs at March 04, 2010 10:39 AM (iYbLN)

158 Fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Home masturbating like a coked up gibbon on Viagra?

Drinking himself into the warm, relaxing glow of clinical depression?

Idly threatening his Mom that he's going to move out of their basement?

Shopping at The Gap for some new husky-sized jeans?

Wondering how he's going to blow that FEMA check he just received?

Staring into a mirror wondering what the hell he's doing with his life?

Hanging out at a local bar telling 40 year old MILFs that he's a secret agent?

Pretending to the chick that just dumped him that he only wanted to be friends anyway?

Explaining to a drug store rent-a-cop that he thought he'd already paid for that hand lotion?

Posted by: An Inconvenient Development at March 04, 2010 10:40 AM (8/DeP)

159 @161 - maybe if Ace would stop dressing "like he's asking for it" all the time...

Posted by: reason at March 04, 2010 10:41 AM (F26eZ)

160 I happen to have some interesting video surveillance footage from Dubai....

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 04, 2010 10:42 AM (B+qrE)

161 Let me be clear: uuumm, urrr, Ace urrr, umm, is on an unprecedented trip to the foriegn country of New mexico. This trip was unexpected due to the retards that are against my healtcare reforms. Some of the folks in New Mexico are acting stupidly. Especially the fat ones. So I have sent Ace and chewy..I mean, Michelle to umm, urr, uh, bail them out. He is a logical choice because he is fluent in hispanic and Michelle hates America as much as I do... And all it stands for. Most of the New mexiconians will be offered 52 weeks of pay to ummm, subscribe to my plan. Those who choose not too (i.e. racists, bigots and teabagging haters) can keep their own plan by simply paying a very small fee. Payable to me, your King, every quarter. You morons should get behind Ace. He is just too big to fail.

Posted by: prez at March 04, 2010 10:42 AM (gjUaP)

162 @166 - I'd say, the first part of #7, and #2 in entirety.

Posted by: reason at March 04, 2010 10:43 AM (F26eZ)

163 Here's the joke:

A young pastor in training was learning the confessional booth...
he had about 15 min. of training when the pastor training him had to take a piss.
before the pastor left he told the young pastor I'll be right back everything you need to know is in this book... look what ever sin it is and read what the book says...
the old pastor leaves and a young girl steps in the booth...
father I have sinned... I sucked my boyfriends dick and we are not married.....
the young pastor looks up premarital sex..... it says say two hail marys....
he then looks up blow jobs... nothing
he looks up head.... nothing
he looks up fellatio... nothing
he realizes he is in a jam so he opens up the booth and looks for the old pastor... no go but he spots the altar boy...
hey what does the pastor give for a blow job....
the altar boy replies "normally a pat on the head and a snickers bar."

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at March 04, 2010 10:43 AM (1Mn8Z)

164 He be the reason why there be no more Modern Warfare games

Posted by: Alex Jones at March 04, 2010 10:44 AM (gAmQ1)

165 Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad Ewok! Not like going down to Tatooine and chasing womp rats. This Ewok, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back Salem Communications, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on open blog the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no cob-loggers, there's too many morons on this site. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the fur, the whole damn thing.

Posted by: Quint at March 04, 2010 10:44 AM (bbn3s)

166 He's working on Peace Blimp: The Musical Starring Keith Olberman, Michael Moore, and Al Gore as The Hot Air Source; Hillary, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi as the Traveling Muenstral Show; Honest Cloud as the Voice of Divine Sincerity; Gary Coleman as Ace; Paulie Shore as Gabe Mailor; Annina Ucatis as Gaia; Makka Pakka as Obama; Grace Jones as M'Chelle; and Keanu Reeves as the Master of Morons; cameo by Babsy Boxer as Cthulhu

Posted by: KilltheHippies at March 04, 2010 10:45 AM (VKfXw)

167 My shrink tells me that Ace is a figment of my imagination.

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:45 AM (iYbLN)

168 #174
Ah shit, you beat me to the Peace Blimp!
Bastard!

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:46 AM (iYbLN)

169

He's looking for that dog that ate his homework again.

Co-bloggers need to employ some tough love and go on strike.

Posted by: Antimatter at March 04, 2010 10:46 AM (gbCNS)

170 Clearly, the man is shackled to Mrs. Trebek's headboard. In my efforts to pleasure that insatiable woman last night, he kept getting his toes stuck in my nostrils.

Posted by: Sean Connery at March 04, 2010 10:47 AM (X+W38)

171

Co-bloggers need to employ some tough love and go on strike.

Posted by: Antimatter at March 04, 2010 02:46 PM (gbCNS)

And we'll be able to tell the difference how?

Posted by: Tami at March 04, 2010 10:47 AM (VuLos)

172 I can tell this post is going to get out of hand and somebody is going to get killed.

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:48 AM (iYbLN)

173

Standing outside MKH's bedroom window, hoisting a boombox over his head.

Posted by: reason at March 04, 2010 10:48 AM (V40IZ)

174

"I can tell this post is going to get out of hand and somebody is going to get killed."

Or pregnant.

Posted by: reason at March 04, 2010 10:49 AM (V40IZ)

175 "180 I can tell this post is going to get out of hand and somebody is going to get killed.

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 02:48 PM (iYbLN)"

"It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye" and "every mom" phrase

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:49 AM (p302b)

176 Ace's disappearance? Blame it on the Joooooos!

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:50 AM (iYbLN)

177

Co-bloggers need to employ some tough love and go on strike.

Posted by: Antimatter at March 04, 2010 02:46 PM (gbCNS)

And we'll be able to tell the difference how?

Posted by: Tami at March 04, 2010 02:47 PM (VuLos)

The chirping crickets when the ad revenue stops paying off.

Posted by: Antimatter at March 04, 2010 10:50 AM (gbCNS)

178
The snickers in his knickers
Gave him blisters on his fingers
His typing days are over
So we morn
The Ace of Clovers

Posted by: Atomic Roach at March 04, 2010 10:51 AM (Oxen1)

179 #183
curious,
You'll go blind...

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:51 AM (iYbLN)

180

Or pregnant.

The chicken isn;t on the pill?????

Posted by: bebes boobs destroy at March 04, 2010 10:51 AM (cniXs)

181 Injured his typing hand trying to steal a snickers bar for todays contest.

Posted by: CyclopsJack at March 04, 2010 10:51 AM (a4o2p)

182 What came first? The chicken or the Snickers bar?

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:52 AM (iYbLN)

183 Seriously, has no one checked the closets in Bangkok? It is a great place to get away from it all.

Posted by: david carradine at March 04, 2010 10:52 AM (S3xX1)

184 He showed up, another "posting frenzy". I'm tellin ya, am worried about this "posting frenzy" behavior.

Posted by: curious at March 04, 2010 10:53 AM (p302b)

185 He's baaaaaaack.

Posted by: mpfs at March 04, 2010 10:54 AM (iYbLN)

186

Revenue from the website doesn't cover all his expenses, so he's probably busy with a side job.

In other words, blame his absence on those "so easy a caveman can do it" commercials he's been starring in.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at March 04, 2010 10:54 AM (plsiE)

187 He's back.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at March 04, 2010 10:55 AM (I1/U/)

188 I'm tellin ya, am worried about this "posting frenzy" behavior.

Yes, you've diagnosed it as an "internet malady". Fine work, doctor.

Posted by: Quint at March 04, 2010 10:55 AM (bbn3s)

189 192 He showed up, another "posting frenzy". I'm tellin ya, am worried about this "posting frenzy" behavior.

A clear sign of bipolar disorder.

I'm not starting rumors or anything. But it might work!

Posted by: Antimatter at March 04, 2010 10:56 AM (gbCNS)

190

Posted by: KilltheHippies at March 04, 2010 02:45 PM (VKfXw)

You missed a few:

LauraW as the ship of the desert

Bwanie Frank as Willie Wonka

Eric Massa as the salty dogger

and Dennis Coozinitch as the Beaver

Posted by: wherestheparty at March 04, 2010 11:02 AM (ucq49)

191

Not saying it was Ace naked and tied to a tree but the story does have the AoS Lifestyle dripping from its balls.

http://tiny.cc/6h7pQ

TACOMA, Wash. -- Several police officers responded to a 911 report of a naked woman tied to a tree in Point Defiance Park in Tacoma.

Spokesman Mark Fulghum told The News Tribune officers talked with the woman and a man Tuesday in the Owen Beach area and determined it was a "consensual rendezvous."

No one was arrested.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 04, 2010 11:04 AM (C2//T)

192 After an all-night binge on Valu-Rite, he was in need of nourishment. As he staggered home he saw a "Snickers Bar" on the sidewalk. He ate it. It wasn't a "Snickers Bar". Although it did get a lot of laughs in the local ER.

Posted by: GarandFan at March 04, 2010 11:04 AM (6mwMs)

193 Sometimes you are so fucked up from the (day and) night before that it takes two or three days just to feel like shit. And if you are in an opium den/underage brothel with room service and internet access, there really isn't any reason to leave.

Good luck Ace.

Posted by: Jack at March 04, 2010 11:05 AM (bvDV5)

194

"internet malady"

Nurse! Prep my tonsil-tongs!

Posted by: not a doctor, but plays one for The Prezzy at March 04, 2010 11:05 AM (V40IZ)

195 Isn't it still a little....frosty....up there in Tacoma for those sorts of shennanegens?

Posted by: not a doctor, but plays one for The Prezzy at March 04, 2010 11:06 AM (V40IZ)

196 Yeah, I read about that this morning, toby!

Posted by: reason at March 04, 2010 11:19 AM (+hPIb)

197

Winter has been exceptionally mild this year. Plus... They choose to live in Tacoma.

Enough said.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 04, 2010 11:29 AM (C2//T)

198

Obama is holding Ace hostage and using him as a bargaining chip with House members ...

first one that flips to Yes gets to gut Ace with a spoon ... a dull one of course ...

Posted by: Jeff at March 04, 2010 11:37 AM (FDdKZ)

199 He's crushing the trachea of Bob Bunning.

With. His. Mind.

Posted by: someguy at March 04, 2010 11:46 AM (VRJIW)

200 I think he's auditioning for Survivor-21

(I think it's something like Survivor Krakatoa next season!)

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 04, 2010 11:51 AM (f9c2L)

201 "You'll shoot your eye out"!!

Posted by: Rightwingdeathbeast at March 04, 2010 11:53 AM (G6yVA)

202 As usual, I'm going with alien abduction, with a slim outside chance of inter-dimensional spontaneous transport to the Andromeda galaxy due to as yet undiscovered quantum effects of repeated bong hits.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at March 04, 2010 12:05 PM (NvAra)

203 Next time, just write a godamn memo..

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 04, 2010 12:05 PM (f9c2L)

204 I'll tell you what happened to Ace. Manbearpig got him. I'm super cereal.

Posted by: Al Gore at March 04, 2010 12:07 PM (2p0e3)

205 In reality, the sad economic truth here is that CJ paid me another $500 to ban Ace from his own blog for a few days. Times are tough, we have to do shit we don't really want to.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at March 04, 2010 12:09 PM (NvAra)

206 Ball Dipping, while entertaining and pleasant, must be done with extreme caution...dip them in the wrong "pudding" and boom...you disappear..

Posted by: DubyaJay at March 04, 2010 12:20 PM (8aG5Z)

207 So....to make up for lame nothingness....a bunch of article posts all at once.,....yeah...that gits the job done....

Posted by: rightzilla at March 04, 2010 12:50 PM (rVJH4)

208

Ace got some hobomentum.

Posted by: reason at March 04, 2010 12:55 PM (sPO/s)

209

"Winter has been exceptionally mild this year."

...really, now...

Posted by: Texas, circa February 2010 at March 04, 2010 12:57 PM (sPO/s)

210

Your laugh for the day.

Teachers in trouble after honoring O.J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman and RuPaul for Black History Month.

http://tinyurl.com/yc458n8

Posted by: SFC MAC at March 04, 2010 01:14 PM (/9h7Q)

211 Two words.

Ass.

Bleaching.

Posted by: Mortis at March 04, 2010 01:48 PM (QjuDE)

212
Did he finally tie one on so bad he can't find his way back to his mom's basement?

How the fuck can you fail at that? you get drunk. You fall down (the stairs). You're in the Moron Cave.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at March 04, 2010 02:01 PM (1hM1d)

213 Unrelated to Ace's Hobo (probably) related truancy:

A total of about 50 ships were stuck in ice along Sweden's eastern seaboard, said Johny Lindvall, who manages the maritime administration's ice breaker service. Heavy ice cover is not uncommon further north, but the ice rarely gets thick enough in the Stockholm archipelago to trap powerful passenger ferries like the Amorella.

http://tinyurl.com/ykmgsoe

Poetic justice would have booked Jones, Gore, and Mann on that boat.

Posted by: DngrMse at March 04, 2010 03:40 PM (Uht38)

214 Pelosi and Reid have kidnapped him and are gonna make him pay. Oh yes we....err... I mean "they" will....

Posted by: Scott B at March 05, 2010 01:32 AM (kTTiP)

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