I'm thinkin' that German Vulture in the headlines may need a bit more trainin'.

Not apropros of anythin'. Just sayin' is all.

If this is proof of an affair, then I have proof of my multiple affairs with oil tankers off the coast.

The truth is, it wasn't just Nikki.  It was a hot, sweaty, filthy foursome that not only included Nikki, but also Marsha Blackburn, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann.  Levi Johnston was there too, but only to videotape our escapades, as I would certainly need videographic proof of this profligate debauchery should the unrelenting jackals of the media happen to catch wind of it.

Gentle reader, please understand that it isn't easy typing this.  Lesser men would dishonestly attempt to suppress such rumors of out of a misplaced sense of honor, but not Will Folks.  I'm shouting to the world the fact that I, Will Folks, had a Roman-style orgy with four extremely hot female conseratives. 

I'm not proud of the fact that my throbbing pork spear penetrated their hot, voluptuous bodies.  I'm  not proud of the fact that I totally jizzed all over their smooth, taut bellies and firm, round, voluptuous tits.  I'm not proud of the fact that they screamed "OH YES!  FUCK ME HARDER WILL!", and "OH GOD! I CAME FOUR TIMES ALREADY!" as I pounded their beautiful cooters with my incredible manhood, or of the fact that they were forced to totally lez out with each other at times because I only have one dick and one tongue (as awesome as I am, I'm still a mere mortal). 

BUT I'M A MAN OF INTEGRITY, GODDAMNIT!  I have a strong moral compass, and that moral compass pointed me in the direction of going public with these bombshell revelations of my unmatched sexual prowess. 

My hero, Captain James Tiberius Kirk, would swell with pride at my decision to broadcast my encounters to the world, and that's good enough for Will Folks.

So you can rest assured that the next time I exploit my raw, irresistible charisma and integrity to bed a bevy of hot female politicians, I'll grab the first reporter I can find and tell them all about it.  My personal integrity demands no less.

That's from the period when Mark Sanford and Will Folks were the team known as "The Four Cocksmen of the MILFpocalypse."

And if you're checking my math, yeah I know there's only two of them, but when their dicks are getting charged separate covers at Jerry McNasty's Tits N' Daddy Issues Club, I think we can count that as four adults.

ThatÂ’s it.

I will not be discussing the details of that relationship, nor will I be granting any additional interviews about it to members of the media beyond what I have already been compelled to confirm.

seriously, nothing in a man's life says FAIL more than using a nickname you gave yourself

^{_{except for basing your whole life on a video game cough gow3 cough}}

 I like to think that the stories I break, the debates I drive and the opinions I help shape all speak to the potency of the brand IÂ’ve created.

FLOP SWEAT

pour hommes

by Will Folks

 I like to think that the stories I break, the debates I drive and the opinions I help shape all speak to the potency of the brand IÂ’ve created.

DOUGH BOY

Inactive Wear

by Will Folks

This type of thing doesn't usually happen to me, but...

They don't call you "Sic Willy" for nothing.

They meaning all the girls who found out he couldn't get it up.

I N T E G R I T Y

brand Penis Pump

Will Folks Autograph Model

S M E L L

M Y

F I N G E R S

the new political thriller from Will Folks, author of The New York Times bestseller:

I

T O T A L L Y

F U C K E D

H E R

Will Folks' belt is...

O N

T H E

L A S T

N O T C H

Remember... He promised you 24 hours ago that that single post would be his first, last, and only statement on the topic.

And that's the vow of an uncompromising straight shooter who calls it like he sees it and contends mightily only for the purpose of the good of the citizenry of the state of South Carolina.

An uncompromising straight shooter whose integrity was endorsed by the impartial, unbiased Politico webzone!

My immense sense of uncompromising personal integrity requires me to spill my guts to the media, regardless of the circumstances, even if I'm being blackmailed. Or bribed by Henry McMasterson or Gresham Barrett. Bribery is cool with me too.

sock

In Will Folks' defense, he did charm the skirt off of the governor-to-be with a couple of dance moves he picked up during his time as a Chippendale's dancer.

MACGRUBER!

HE'S TOTALLY ON SLUBLOG'S MIND!

MACGRUBER!

Remember... He promised you 24 hours ago that that single post would be his first, last, and only statement on the topic.

Remeber that guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Major Arnold Toht?  You know, the "ve haf vays of makink you schpeak" guy?  Yeah, that guy.  We won't need him.  This guy won't shut up. 

In fact, I wonder if Major Toht haf vays of makink you shut-up?

Okay,

Took longer than I liked, but here's my Will Folks Demotivator poster.

That picture proves a relationship with Haley as much as it proves a relationship with Sanford. 

Hmm.  Maybe "South Carolina" should be renamed "Hedonism IV."

Hey guys, I'm cooking tonight.

Who wants boiled bunny?

He's "journalist", no wonder he's such a....

http://www.viewpolitik.com/Pages/personnel.htm

...Prior to his service with Gov. Sanford, Folks was a featured sports writer, professional musician and contributing newspaper columnist in Columbia, S.C. Folks received his Bachelor's degree in History and Philosophy from the University of South Carolina in 1997 and his Master's degree in Mass Communication from the school's College of Journalism in 1999.

E-mail Will Folks: w@viewpolitik.com

She wouldn't quit her yapping.  They tried to silence him with switchblades.  One Man.  One Post. 

Seriously.  One Post, and That's It.

Will Folks Is...

M A R K E D

F O R

D E S T R U C T I O N

...Prior to his service with Gov. Sanford, Folks was a featured sports writer, professional musician and contributing newspaper columnist in Columbia, S.C.

Will Folks in...

S E X U A L

O R G A N

Ace of Spades nailed it.

Where the "Middle C" stands for Cock...

Folks' real nickname: "Tar Baby."

“I did it because my wife was about to read it in another (media) outlet,” Folks said, adding he is not working for any rival campaign nor was he paid to make the admission.

“I decided I would get ahead of it and (reveal) it in a way that was respectful to Nikki.”

principles...

Hah! 

And where did that pic come from?  Had to be a self-portrait.

“A simple denial would have been fine. I got opened up on with a freaking howitzer.”

Now he's a victim twice over.

Thanks rd... the pic is from hsi site.

"They'll dig my pensive look."

Okay, latest poster in the Will Folks series.

"Pudding"

Posted by: Topsecretk9 at May 26, 2010 12:58 AM (8x3SC)

He must know that by throwing Palin's name into this, he'll never be homeless.

There's a futon with his name on it in the house right next door to Palin.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at May 26, 2010 12:59 AM (5sMhu)

//

This meshes with my theory. 

I wanted to get out in front of this howitzer thing with a new poster.

I can't stop. Please help.

Can you believe this guy?! He's going to plead guilty so no one else will get to tell their side of the events, comment on his history, etc. But he gets to make the case that he's the victim.

When you plead guilty you have to testify under oath that you are pleading so because you are in fact guilty, if you maintain your innocence, the judge can't accept your guilty plea.

Also, I thought we had done away with pretrial intervention for CDV?
I admire any professional spokesperson who goes on camera with a three day old beard and a CAT hat, though.

What an attention whore. Don't you think you would just want people to move on to other things? The public attention span on something like this is about one day. Nobody outside government even knew who he was until this. I think he may have some problems with narcissism. I just think his ex ought to be able to make her case!

Posted by: Calvin | Aug 4, 2005 7:46:28 AM

I'm hurt by these rumors that I'm so awesome I slept with Haley.

“I decided I would get ahead of it and (reveal) it in a way that was respectful to Nikki.”

Really, this Will Folks is an embarassment of creative riches.

"Respectful Revelation"

I call it like I see it – whether you like it or not, agree with it or not, or even believe it or not. Clearly, there’s no shortage of opinions about me, my website or the impact it’s having on South Carolina’s political process, but I like to think that the stories I break, the debates I drive and the opinions I help shape all speak to the potency of the brand I’ve created.

We think that his writing would be improved substantially if he would use the word "I" a little bit more.

It has come to my attention that Will Folks has this poster in his home.

We need to send in a hard, pipe-hittin' investigative journalist to solve this caper.

@ rdbrewer

I doubt the medallion would burn itself into Will's hand.  Too much callous on the palm.

And thanks for going back to your old handle. Whatever that new shit was got me confused.

EoJ, heh, not sure what you mean; I've had about five names in this thread already. 

I do loves me some Major Toht.  Great actor, great characer.  I was originally thinking he could convince Folks to shut up. 

Posted on: Wednesday, 4 January 2006, 09:00 CST

...Dec. 13, Folks "became loud and boisterous" toward Ashley Joy Smith of West Columbia and yelled profanities at her during an incident at 11:40 p.m. at The Back Porch restaurant at 1610 Gervais St."

Posted by: Rod Rescueman at May 26, 2010 01:27 AM (QxGmu)

They blew-up a democrat?

Check this out.

Eric Erikson: "Now, parting thought here: I have it on very good authority from a third party group not connected to any of the campaigns that Folks was trying to sell this story last year. Sell it."

Posted by: Georgie

It is in the news. Our actions here are not what put it there, or keeps it there. The general conclusion here is that it was manufactured for the purpose of knocking out a candidate. Setting a standard higher than the ANG memos got when they first appeared is a good thing. We can sit this out, be cheerleaders for the attack, or we can be skeptical and try to discern the truth. And, in the event that this is a crock (which is my belief) we have a head start on the mocking of the perpetrator. And that would mean that we (and this is bizarre) are better journalists than the hacks at Politico.

My wife was going to find out that years ago, before I dated her, I had had sex with another woman, and therefore I was compelled to spread the story in the media, so she wouldn't read it in the media I had just spread it to.

I just couldn't sit her down and tell her privately; it just wouldn't be fair to her.

Interesting that Folks did such a "bang-up" job communicating the 48 hours of S American love mystery, per Sanford... as his communications director.

As this issue proves, the moron cant even lie well, nor can he communicate effectively...

Would never want to get on your shit list, Ace BUT

There ARE other things happening in the world aside from Will Folks.  Having said that -- you people are amazing.  You make the Terminator look like Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm