Ace of Spades HQ

January 11, 2010

World's First Sex Robot... Is a Truther
— Ace

I don't know if The Sun got pranked, but if you listen to the audio of the Sex Robot talking, she claims she worked at Cantor Fitzgerald (at the WTC) and that "10,000 tons of molten steel" gets her "hot."

She goes on to say "9/11 was an inside job. I was an Anglo so I did not get the call, but all of the Jews got the call.... Bush knew and so did the Israelis."

The audio is so over-the-top -- she asks if you want to "abrade [her] callouses" and asks to see your "wiener" -- that I really think some pranksters screwed with the audio here. Otherwise, why doesn't The Sun even mention this odd sex-talk?

Thanks to The Finger.

Posted by: Ace at 07:25 AM | Comments (87)
Post contains 136 words, total size 1 kb.

1 A thread on sex robots, and no one's here yet?

Posted by: lizardbrain at January 11, 2010 07:30 AM (fWdId)

2 You guys are disappointing.

Posted by: lizardbrain at January 11, 2010 07:31 AM (fWdId)

3 If the robot runs for president, I get to inspect its vagina

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at January 11, 2010 07:31 AM (J0Qbx)

4 She can't do it like I would do it.

Posted by: C3PO at January 11, 2010 07:32 AM (MMC8r)

5 Yeah, but is she a good pickle yeller???

Posted by: chuckdpi at January 11, 2010 07:33 AM (WSEFQ)

6 Somehow, Douglas Hines looks just like I would expect.

Posted by: nickless at January 11, 2010 07:33 AM (MMC8r)

It would be sexier if it looked like Roseanne Barr.

Posted by: Zimriel at January 11, 2010 07:34 AM (9Sbz+)

8 Alas, she's PNP and I'm NPN.

Posted by: lizardbrain at January 11, 2010 07:34 AM (fWdId)

9 Look, I'm 2' 6" tall and you can rest your drink on my head. What more do you need?

Posted by: R2D2 at January 11, 2010 07:37 AM (MMC8r)

10 So what's her fifth "personality?"

Posted by: lizardbrain at January 11, 2010 07:38 AM (fWdId)

11 I really think some pranksters screwed with the audio here. Otherwise, why doesn't The Sun even mention this odd sex-talk? Odd? I don't see any problem with it.

Posted by: R. O'Donnell at January 11, 2010 07:40 AM (SPSOE)

12 10 So what's her fifth "personality?"

Crazy, like the other 4.

Posted by: mrcaniac at January 11, 2010 07:43 AM (Vol3D)

13 Wow, that's some crazy pillow talk, just the thing to keep things nice and soft.

Posted by: runningrn at January 11, 2010 07:45 AM (CfmlF)

14 12: Crazy, like the other 4.

You're right. I should have known better, having been married multiple times.

Posted by: lizardbrain at January 11, 2010 07:48 AM (fWdId)

15 The anatomically correct robot has a fake skeleton, letting her move like a REAL woman. It's true, she moves just like a REAL woman. A woman that you've served a couple of Rohypnol-Tinis and then positioned her dead weight however you like! Violate your choice of three, count 'em - THREE dry and unresponsive orifices! Just like a real unconscious woman! Choose the "Susie Snuff-Film" personality and strangle her with her own stockings! Accessorize with our propietary hacksaw and drawstring trash bags to dismember and dispose of your "victim" after you've had your fun. Just like a REAL WOMAN!

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 11, 2010 07:53 AM (xGIqT)

16 Worlds First Sex Robot Inventor Looks Pretty Much Like You'd Expect

Posted by: benjamin at January 11, 2010 07:53 AM (jjlGZ)

17 15
How long before lefty activists demand voting rights for the animately-challenged.

C'mon People!! These disenfranchised sex-slaves are completely ignored by an uncaring society!!!! NO JUSTICE, NO PIECE!!
Posted by: right

ACORN is working on getting them imported tax free. Film at 11.

Posted by: mrcaniac at January 11, 2010 07:58 AM (Vol3D)

18 For me, it's 10,000 tons of horsemeat.

Posted by: Rosie O'Truther at January 11, 2010 07:58 AM (Q2Q58)

19 great a sexbot with Rosie's brain downloaded into it.

Google it!

Posted by: negentropy at January 11, 2010 07:59 AM (27KAF)

So what's her fifth "personality?"

Janeane the Hagged-out Whore-bag

http://tinyurl.com/yhqdnmx

Posted by: wiserbud at January 11, 2010 08:01 AM (tWf3S)

21 There must be something wrong with my audio, when I clicked the link she kept saying "Lets just snuggle tonight."

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 08:04 AM (q177U)

22 Hey Ace, does this thing have a squeakhole? If so, Anne Hathaway may soon be out of a job!

Posted by: mrcaniac at January 11, 2010 08:05 AM (Vol3D)

As a teenager, I had such faith in the ingenuity of mankind and blissful hope for rapid advancement in sex robot technology.

Anyone else as horrifyingly disappointed as I am? Are you out there? Is anybody out there?

I blame global warming fraud, stealing away decades of work of our best and brightest scientists. Makes me hate enviro-socialists all the more.

Don't even get me started on flying cars.

Posted by: Duane the Love Gun at January 11, 2010 08:05 AM (0aCXd)

I like the comments on the Sun piece...

5 personalities? Can't cook or vaccuum? Sounds just like my ex-wife!

Heh.

Posted by: MostlyRight at January 11, 2010 08:07 AM (0aCXd)

25 I'd say Sal and Richard had something to do with this, but I don't think they're sophisticated enough for truther jokes. If the robot was asking if the interviewer had a huge black clock I'd be sure it was them. Alas...

Posted by: mcgurk at January 11, 2010 08:13 AM (8aG5Z)

26 Charles Gibbson doesn't know about this sex robot!

Posted by: Charles Gibbson Joke FAIL at January 11, 2010 08:13 AM (q177U)

27 Seriously, if some robot REALLY can be used for awesome sex and it can perform a blowbie on command......well, ladies, we ain't got too much use for you outside of childbirth, any more.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:13 AM (mHiW8)

Cam,

And with "Rocky" robot soon to be released, you'd better just keep killing bugs and changing the flats, my friend.

Posted by: Cathy at January 11, 2010 08:15 AM (vjIF1)

29 She has Chrissy Hyndes hair. Circa early Pretenders.

Posted by: flashbazzbo, s.e. at January 11, 2010 08:16 AM (i0rVe)

30 Cathy,
We already know that unless Rocky has a job (with prospects for even more money) and viable sperm, he's just a more expensive vibrator. Hey, get it.....let us watch and we'll both love it. The robot chick, however, is the epitome: a virtual hooker who'll never talk OR give you herpes. In short: competition. Competition that has a huge lead, from the get-go.

Oh, don't worry, we won't ignore you; we'll stop by whenever we're looking for those awesome conversations about your work day, your shoes, why your feet swell, some Sandra Bullock movie that your girlfriend wanted to see, ignoring the 5 to 7 pounds per year that you're gaining. See, you guys are USEFUL to us.

Okay, not really.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:19 AM (mHiW8)

31 Does make me wonder a bit as to the market demographic studies for this contraption -- ok, it makes me giggle; wonder, not so much.

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 08:23 AM (5/yRG)

32 Woah, look at the picture of "her" at the link. That is one unhappy looking sex robot. It's almost as if they did too good a job on her and she's gone sentient only to realize her awful fate.

I'll take two.

Posted by: Kensington at January 11, 2010 08:23 AM (LIH4p)

33 Hey, Cathy, I just contacted the makers of Rocky the Robot. Turns out that after about 3 years (aka, 15 pounds), the robot will resort to thinking about its owner's female friends and turning on its internal "white noise" option so as to drown out her complaints.

Wow, they're making the male models lifelike, aren't they?

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:23 AM (mHiW8)

34 What I don't understand, Cam, is why THIS thread isn't the sticky er...um at the top of the blog.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 08:24 AM (q177U)

35 That is one unhappy looking sex robot.

Okay, they made the female models lifelike, as well. Hopefully, that's only the "wife" models & the newer upgrades are an improvement. What am I saying, as long as they don't require daily maintenance, they're an improvement.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:25 AM (mHiW8)

36 Sex robot with batteries at 3% capacity = more active and lifelike than the average 40 yr. old wife.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:29 AM (mHiW8)

That is one unhappy looking sex robot.

And if you think the "wife" version is expensive, wat'll you see the price on the "mistress" model!

Posted by: wiserbud at January 11, 2010 08:30 AM (tWf3S)

38 The future, if this robot sex thing is true:

Florists will go out of business and many physical therapists will need to find new careers as the incidence of carpal tunnel will reflect ONLY that which occurs at manufacturing jobs.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:32 AM (mHiW8)

I think the most critical question is: can you dip your balls in it? The answer to that might render all other considerations unimportant.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 08:33 AM (q177U)

40 Does it come with a negro dialect?

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:36 AM (mHiW8)

41 Check for laptop battery now to feature battery backup for top choice sex robot!

Posted by: Laptop battery at January 11, 2010 08:38 AM (q177U)

42 They really nailed that "bored" look.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 08:39 AM (q177U)

Duane 24 I blame global warming fraud, stealing away decades of work of our best and brightest scientists. Makes me hate enviro-socialists all the more.

Climate science was so bogus that they didn't pull good scientists off other projects; they pulled frauds. If anything you should thank AGW.

I'm not sure what the good AI guys have been doing over the last two decades. Designing enemies for Halo I guess.

Posted by: Zimriel at January 11, 2010 08:43 AM (9Sbz+)

44 Ace, why on earth are you calling me "The Finger"?

Anyhoo, I get it, She's a Paul-bot.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

Posted by: pajama momma at January 11, 2010 08:43 AM (275r1)

45 I haven't checked "her" out. But if she is like "Cherry 2000" or Melanie Griffith in that movie (actually 1 each would be nice) count me in.

Posted by: teej at January 11, 2010 08:47 AM (QdUKm)

46 They really nailed that "bored" look.

Eh, robot = from behind, any way. Seriously, we only go missionary when we're pretending to do the 'make love' thing, any way, don't we?

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:47 AM (mHiW8)

47 But if she is like "Cherry 2000" or Melanie Griffith in that movie (actually 1 each would be nice) count me in.

Heck, if it doesn't gain weight and can actually shut up, count me in.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 08:50 AM (mHiW8)

48 Someone seems a bit bitter...

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 09:14 AM (5/yRG)

Someone seems a bit bitter...

It's called "marrige" and the effects are permamnent and highly contagious, not to mention lethal.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:17 AM (q177U)

50 With an unresponsive doll, who is going to appreciate all your premium sex moves, like The Admiral, The Tony Danza, The Hot Carl, or The Chili Dog? And unless she comes with realistic blood in her nose, you can't even do a Jelly Doughnut.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 11, 2010 09:17 AM (xGIqT)

Heck, if it doesn't gain weight and can actually shut up, count me in.

Just keep it in "sleep mode"

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:18 AM (q177U)

52 53-- oh, come on now; it isn't that bad. Don't be a hater!

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 09:20 AM (5/yRG)

53 Where's the link to the audio?

Posted by: mdm at January 11, 2010 09:20 AM (eytER)

54 unknown jane,

Turn your "humor" switch up a few more notches.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 09:22 AM (mHiW8)

55 Another point for the robot: I wouldn't have to tell the robot which jokes were offensive & which ones I really meant but was trying to hide by saying "that's just a joke". Oh, and that "sex with no strings attached" thing? Not an underrated feature.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 09:24 AM (mHiW8)

56 Good selling points for sex robot:
Cheaper than a maid, a hooker, a cook and babysitter.

Bad selling points for a wife:
A maid, a hooker, a cook and a babysitter are cheaper and they'll leave when you tell them to but will return immediately upon your request, with no expectations of you being obligate do give anything other than cash.

Good selling point for wife:
Procreation. And............................................

?

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 09:27 AM (mHiW8)

57 You could also watch "Friends" reruns while you had sex with her without muting the volume.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:28 AM (q177U)

58 Selling points for sex robot:
Doesn't want to see Sex in the City.
Doesn't need a gym membership that it won't use.
Cellulite not included.
Will watch whatever you're wanting to watch on TV.
Is a sex robot.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 09:29 AM (mHiW8)

59 58 -- Oh I am -- that's why I'm giving all y'all so much shit (sorry if that didn't come through the net as it should have).

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 09:36 AM (5/yRG)

60 I can see where the robot might be advantageous insofar as finding humor in every poop story and never being grossed out by them...

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 09:37 AM (5/yRG)

Doesn't snort all your coke or hide in the batroom slicing her thighs up with a razor blade.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:38 AM (q177U)

62 Selling points for sex robot:

Can pass messages to your friends even after that dude killed you with a sword. How weird is that?

Posted by: toby928 at January 11, 2010 09:41 AM (PD1tk)

63 Doesn't struggle when you stuff her in the trunk of your car for a "trip to the lake."

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:42 AM (q177U)

64 Thanks to the Finger?

Posted by: andycanuck at January 11, 2010 09:46 AM (2qU2d)

65 66 If I was drinking chocolate milk it would have been totally been coming out of my nose.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:46 AM (q177U)

66 Thanks to the Finger?

It's worse than that Andy, I'm the one who told him what the robot says, but do I get credit? Nooooooooooo

Totally not bitter, totally not an attention whore.

Posted by: pajama momma at January 11, 2010 09:52 AM (275r1)

67 "Roxxxy sells for $7,000 to $9,000, depending on features."

Filed under "definitive reason to choose sex robot over actual female".

Supposed reasons not to want sex robot:
lifeless, cold and bored look adorns face throughout procedure. Until one realizes that you already get that from your wife & the price tag for the robot is only 9 grand...and it's doubtful that the sex robots come in that 'scent of salmon' flavor, either.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 09:54 AM (mHiW8)

68 Reasons in favor of getting a sex robot:

to the robot, the rear is just one more opening to explore. On the negative side, that kinda takes away from the challenge & all (I mean, that look on her face when she first experiences it & knowing that she'd agree to do that just for you), but still...

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 09:57 AM (mHiW8)

69 Doesn't break up with you when you ask her to dress up in that "Sailor Moon" out fit you bought her.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 09:57 AM (q177U)

70 71 -- and what about the "scent of stale Fritos and peanuts" that we have to put up with when the man of the house is suffering from a lack of manly freshness? Sharing is caring after all;good for the gander, and all that.

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 09:58 AM (5/yRG)

71 Just for jane:

Robot can't tell the difference between rock hard abs, an expanding gut or jet-black skid marks.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 10:01 AM (mHiW8)

72 Selling points for sex robot: - Allows you to fool yourself into thinking you're "having sex", and not just jerking off using a lump of plastic, because hey, that'd just be pathetic, right? - For $9,000 you could have ACTUAL sex. Sex involving a weekend of multiple hookers, bacon-flavored cocaine, cameras and janitorial staff to clean up afterwards. Okay, so it's not a selling point. Selling points for fucking a microwaved ham and cheese sandwich: - Superior tactile experience with lifelike internal temperature. - Replenishes energy after sex with carbohydrates, contains calcium for building strong bones and protein for building muscle. - Affordable to the everyman.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 11, 2010 10:01 AM (xGIqT)

73 Sex robot doesn't care if you answer honestly to the "does this make me look fat" question.

Posted by: Cam Winston at January 11, 2010 10:02 AM (mHiW8)

74 74 Sure, a little peanutty goodness is just as bad as oozing, fetid, chum smelling cheese.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 10:03 AM (q177U)

Well, damn Max, no accounting for taste there -- but there's this thing called bathing...you know, personal hygien emaybe you're just picking the wrong sex partners (hint: if there's no personal cleansing agents in the house and/or they smell a bit off and/or patchouli is the most significant aroma present, they've probably got nasty whoo whoo's; enter at your own risk). A little chili cheese dog n corn chips smell is one thing -- fetid oozing? What the merry hell are you hooking up with?

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 10:14 AM (5/yRG)

All honest women will tell you that women have multiple personalities. Men only have 1-asshole. ;-)

Posted by: di butler/murderous bitch at January 11, 2010 10:25 AM (S3xX1)

80, I've always liked to tell my husband that is part of our charm;-)

-- besides reminding him, that while I may go through a hormonal cycle every 28 days, and admittedly am on the rag for 7 out of every 30 days in a month; his cycles are every 24 hours and the "not so fresh" times I have to put up with are daily. lol

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 10:31 AM (5/yRG)

78 Otherwise, why doesn't The Sun even mention this odd sex-talk?

That's the easiest way to kill my mood...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at January 11, 2010 10:32 AM (1hM1d)

What the merry hell are you hooking up with?

Sorry, having an ex-girlfriend flash back

More reasons to buy sex robot

Doesn't collect porcelain figurines of disney characters

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 10:39 AM (q177U)

83 -- Dear God! One of those characteristics alone is bad enough, but both???

If you say there were also over a dozen cats in the house (or there was a Chihuahua named Bruiser or Taco), then dearie, somebody needs to have a sit down with you concerning your romance partners.

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 11:13 AM (5/yRG)

"his cycles are every 24 hours and the "not so fresh" times I have to put up with are daily. lol"

The night I don't sneak in a Dutch Oven will be the night I have died.

Posted by: Mr. Unknown Jane at January 11, 2010 11:25 AM (+hPIb)

82 Robot will never tell you she needs you to propose because she needs the wedding as a motivator to lose weight.

Posted by: reason at January 11, 2010 11:30 AM (+hPIb)

83 She won't give off tell tale odor if you bury her in the crawl space.

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 11:36 AM (q177U)

84 85 -- very funny, sockpuppet shitbird...but sometimes true (rule #1 in this house: unless you want to unleash bio-chemical warfare on the neighborhood and frighten children, dogs, and old ladies; Pappy doesn't get Indian food); that an poop stories...whatever would we women do without you fellas?

Posted by: unknown jane at January 11, 2010 12:26 PM (5/yRG)

85 whatever would we women do without you fellas?

Regale each other with vaggy tales?

Posted by: toby928 at January 11, 2010 01:02 PM (PD1tk)

whatever would we women do without you fellas?

Have hot lesbian sex with lots of nipple on nipple action?

Posted by: Max Power at January 11, 2010 02:14 PM (q177U)

87 Why does the link send me to ASK search engine? Should I be checking for virusses??

Posted by: 5Cats at January 11, 2010 03:15 PM (O5yP8)

Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.

104kb generated in CPU 0.0374, elapsed 0.2358 seconds.
64 queries taking 0.2098 seconds, 215 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.