Ace of Spades HQ

August 05, 2010

You Manga-nificent Bastards: Lurid Asian "News" Animation Now Does Lindsay Lohan
— Ace

Gotta tell ya: If American network news were like this, I'd watch, bias and all.

Highlight? Well, if I can name only one, it would probably be Lindsay crying naked in a prison shower while another naked woman, this one tougher and more "experienced," drops a bar of soap at her feet.

Yeah. Gun to my head, I'd have to go with that part.

No, really. You think I'm making that up, but I'm not.

That. Just. Happened.

Thanks to CDR M.

Posted by: Ace at 01:52 PM | Comments (101)
Post contains 104 words, total size 1 kb.

1 First?

Wow, Ace is overwhelming us!

Posted by: NJConservative at August 05, 2010 01:55 PM (LH6ir)

2 I think that CNN would jump on something like this to get their viewership back to double digits.

Posted by: NR Pax at August 05, 2010 01:55 PM (yUR+C)

3 What a brainless bit of fluff. Nailed it.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at August 05, 2010 01:55 PM (PC2XR)

4 Their 'animated' news is more accurate than ours

The shame..........

Posted by: SantaRosaStan at August 05, 2010 01:56 PM (uP7xk)

5 That bit with the two women fighting in the courtyard...one of them look vaguely like Ann Althouse.

Do the Chinese know something we don't?

Posted by: Robert at August 05, 2010 01:56 PM (jYQ2v)

6 News you can USE!

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 01:57 PM (/jbAw)

7 It isn't funny with the subtitles.

Posted by: oblig. at August 05, 2010 01:57 PM (x7Ao8)

it would probably be Lindsay crying naked in a prison shower

Crap, I thought this was about Lindsey not Lindsay. That's what I get for not reading carefully.

Posted by: dagny at August 05, 2010 01:57 PM (v1Z9C)

Aww, poor Firecrotch. She never had a chance with those shiteous parents.

But what was up with the prison guards walking around with their blouses exposed?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 05, 2010 01:58 PM (PXaZS)

10 Herbie the Love Bug. Nice touch.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at August 05, 2010 01:59 PM (yT8z7)

11
I was gonna say - Wasn't that Herbie?!?

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at August 05, 2010 02:00 PM (0fzsA)

12 There was also scene taken from a lady gaga video.

Lindsey drunk driving Herbie was the best.

Posted by: Long Island at August 05, 2010 02:01 PM (TiURi)

13 Burnout only leads to me.

Posted by: cat blogging at August 05, 2010 02:03 PM (8/oOq)

14
You are watching the next nominee to the Supreme Court there. Even if she still has an ankle monitor.

And with three women now on the Court, once they "sync up", shouldn't there be a decision free week each month?

Posted by: Atomic Roach at August 05, 2010 02:03 PM (rMMMP)

15
NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, not the Love Bug!

Posted by: Dang Straights at August 05, 2010 02:05 PM (fx8sm)

16
But what was up with the prison guards walking around with their blouses exposed?

That was the Lady GaGa part.

I guess to the Chinese all these crazy American divas look alike.

Posted by: Long Island at August 05, 2010 02:06 PM (TiURi)

17 Yes, Prison matron uniforms are black bras & jean vests w/ optional eyepatch, pet boa constrictor & Serbian accent.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 05, 2010 02:06 PM (wd0Iq)

18 Still doesn't top the craziness from Japan, but these guys are climbing up there are the Asian creepy/awesome/weird scale.

Posted by: NYCcon at August 05, 2010 02:06 PM (jLXdE)

19 13 There was also scene taken from a lady gaga video.

The prison guard scene? (Thanks lab-mate, for showing me that damn Lady Gaga video).

Lindsey drunk driving Herbie was the best.

Gotta agree, this Taiwanese (Japanese, Chinese, ?) animated news beats the MFM, even when decadence is incorporated into the vid.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 02:07 PM (9hSKh)

And with three women now on the Court, once they "sync up", shouldn't there be a decision free week each month?

No worries. They'll all have had voluntary hysterectomies because menstruation is sexist or something.

Gurl power!!!!111!!!!!

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 05, 2010 02:07 PM (PXaZS)

21 How do you get a DUI in Herbie? It's not like Lindsey was driving. Herbie was.

Posted by: PR at August 05, 2010 02:07 PM (k7SeR)

In real women's prisons, the boobs aren't pixilated.

Posted by: Chained Heat Aficionado at August 05, 2010 02:08 PM (QKKT0)

23 Yes, Prison matron uniforms are black bras & jean vests w/ optional eyepatch, pet boa constrictor & Serbian accent.

I find your scripts intriguing and would like to subscribe to your cable channel.

Posted by: toby928 at August 05, 2010 02:08 PM (8/oOq)

24 This must be a prison that discriminates against fat black women, because there aren't any.

Posted by: Cicero at August 05, 2010 02:09 PM (QKKT0)

25 So, I could just broadcast an animation onto that gold screen we've started using. No need to feed that stumblefuck words he can't handle on the Teleprompter.

Posted by: David Axelrod at August 05, 2010 02:09 PM (FcR7P)

Ace -

Please extend my graditude to your new Crank Dealer. That stuff is Rocket Fuel!

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2010 02:10 PM (VTbuB)

27 Can they do a video of tea partiers yelling the n-word at the Congressional Black Caucus?

Just for private use, of course.

I'd never run it as a loop for hours on my show or anything.

Posted by: Hissy Chrissy Matthews at August 05, 2010 02:11 PM (MMC8r)

28 How do you get a DUI in Herbie? It's not like Lindsey was driving. Herbie was.

Lindsey is just that much of corrupting influence she has brought Herbie down with her.

Posted by: Long Island at August 05, 2010 02:11 PM (TiURi)

29 Naked Cartoon Women. Wahoo!

Posted by: Homer Simpson at August 05, 2010 02:12 PM (yT8z7)

30 Highlight? Well, if I can name only one, it would probably be Lindsay crying naked in a prison shower while another naked woman, this one tougher and more "experienced," drops a bar of soap at her feet.

Thought this particular gambit was only done in male prisons. Interesting, if wrong.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 02:13 PM (9hSKh)

31 Gazizza, dilznoofuses, this is Bill McNeal saying, get with the crazappy taste of Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor! Rocket Fuel's got the upstate prison flavor that keeps you ugly all night long. So when you wanna get sick, remember: Nothing makes your feet stank like Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor. Damn, it's crazappy!

Posted by: Bill McNeal at August 05, 2010 02:13 PM (VmtE9)

32 I kinda liked it when Michael Lohan Bitch-Slapped Sally Struthers.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2010 02:14 PM (VTbuB)

That was the Lady GaGa part.

Feeling pretty good about myself that I didn't get that reference.

:phew:

As for you morons that quickly identified it, well the man card and all. You know the drill.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 05, 2010 02:14 PM (PXaZS)

34 This must be a prison that discriminates against fat black women, because there aren't any.

Posted by: Cicero at August 05, 2010 06:09 PM (QKKT0)

Hell Don't you know that the only jail with fat black women is in Chicago? This was CA, they are all beach babe blonds.

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 02:15 PM (/jbAw)

35 BUNK!

Posted by: Elena Kagan at August 05, 2010 02:15 PM (zgZzy)

How do you get a DUI in Herbie? It's not like Lindsey was driving. Herbie was.

I inadvertantly glimpsed up her skirt and blinded myself.

Posted by: Herbie at August 05, 2010 02:15 PM (VTbuB)

37 Please extend my graditude to your new Crank Dealer. That stuff is Rocket Fuel!

The trials were fairly successful with monkeys... we've now moved onto to ewoks.

Behold the wonders!

Posted by: Dr. in charge of monkey-crack experiments at August 05, 2010 02:16 PM (ef6LD)

38 I saw this on Red Eye w/Greg Gutfield the other night. My god, I couldn't believe it. I almost thought they did it up themselves as a joke.

Incidentally, folks, although I realize that none of you will ever see it because it perversly airs at 3:00AM EST, Red Eye has become pretty impressive, something of a miracle, really: a conservative humor/panel show that's actually funny in a FUNNY way and not in a hackish "clapper" humor way. I didn't think it was possible, honestly -- face it, conservatives are mostly pretty square when it comes to comedy -- but they're pulling it off on the strength of Gutfield and Levy and some pretty smart panel choices. Levy in particular is pretty much straight from the same philosophy of deadpan as Ace.

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 05, 2010 02:17 PM (nNLZG)

39 Can we get them to do requests? I mean, this one is funny and all, but there's bigger news out there.....

Posted by: cthulhu at August 05, 2010 02:17 PM (/0IOT)

I inadvertantly glimpsed up her skirt and blinded myself.

Firecrotch has that effect.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 05, 2010 02:17 PM (PXaZS)

Ace -

Please extend my graditude to your new Crank Dealer. That stuff is Rocket Fuel!

Maybe Lindsey's is sharing her Adderall with Ace?

Posted by: Long Island at August 05, 2010 02:17 PM (TiURi)

42
Jail did Lindsay good. She learned how to put dressing on that tossed salad.

Posted by: Fish at August 05, 2010 02:19 PM (v1gw3)

43 #37 I inadvertantly glimpsed up her skirt and blinded myself.

Herbie's also got Herpes! Dunno how that affects sentient cars though.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 05, 2010 02:19 PM (9hSKh)

_{Levy in particular is pretty much straight from the same philosophy of deadpan as Ace}.

Is ace a metro-sexual?

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2010 02:19 PM (VTbuB)

45 OMG, I just heard Odipstick say the Gulionaoussneedsavowel (D-Criminal) passed sweeping ethic reforms. With a straight face, liar.

Also Boxer up only 5% with only 45% total and Christina Romer to maybe resign over feud with Summers.

Now back to Lindsay.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at August 05, 2010 02:20 PM (yT8z7)

46 Didn't know that metrosexuals were big into the 2nd Amendment. Huh. Innnerestin'.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 05, 2010 02:21 PM (PXaZS)

47
Yes there are two girls with similar names. Lindsay Lohan, slut extraordinaire and coke sniffer, and Lindsey Graham, part-time liberal slut and cock sniffer.

Posted by: Fish at August 05, 2010 02:21 PM (v1gw3)

48 Considering Lohan was kept separate from the normal jail population, this would have been more realistic if it showed her in her private cell giving a male guard a bj for some smokes. Still, it rocks, but just sayin'.

Posted by: FreakyBoy at August 05, 2010 02:22 PM (uKraB)

49 Tans and Waxes. His. Chest.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2010 02:23 PM (VTbuB)

50 would have been more realistic if it showed her in her private cell giving a male guard a bj for some smokes.

I could've had smokes?

Posted by: LL at August 05, 2010 02:23 PM (lN56Y)

51 Awesome New Campaign Ad http://tinyurl.com/37qlezh

Posted by: newser at August 05, 2010 02:25 PM (0MrVN)

Good Lord, how closely are you looking to notice that?

Hmmm.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 05, 2010 02:25 PM (PXaZS)

53 My favorite part was poor Herbie getting smashed by a smashed Lohan.

Also, the music was great! The jazzy sax in the shower, the bizarre bouncy upbeat song while she's watching two women fight in the prison yard while sitting on a nice bench, and the sitcom-y music when Michael Lohan assaults that woman with his shoe.

Posted by: Crabtree at August 05, 2010 02:26 PM (TVmXj)

Awesome New Campaign Ad

Posted by: newser at August 05, 2010 02:26 PM (0MrVN)

55 Is ace a metro-sexual? It's hobo-sexual , knucklehead .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 05, 2010 02:26 PM (NuAIL)

_{Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 05, 2010 06:26 PM (NuAIL)}

Got it.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2010 02:28 PM (VTbuB)

57 So...was Herbie okay ?

Posted by: Carl in NH at August 05, 2010 02:29 PM (CDJHc)

58 I saw this on Red Eye the other night. Very funny.

Posted by: Annabelle at August 05, 2010 02:29 PM (pWgNR)

59 Why do we hear kissing and slurping noises when the convict with the short dark hair has her lips about a foot away from Lindsay's?

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at August 05, 2010 02:29 PM (xqhoO)

60 So...was Herbie okay ?

He won't outrun a formula one anymore.

Posted by: toby928 at August 05, 2010 02:30 PM (8/oOq)

48 Yes there are two girls with similar names. Lindsay Lohan, slut extraordinaire and coke sniffer, and Lindsey Graham, part-time liberal slut and cock sniffer.

I accept no money for my services, thank you very much!

Posted by: Lindsey Graham at August 05, 2010 02:31 PM (zgZzy)

62 I have seen the future of news...

Posted by: Rolling Stone Magazine at August 05, 2010 02:32 PM (YMZjg)

63 I see what you mean. That was FABULOUS! They could make a fortune doing videos like that of a most hollywood "stars."

Posted by: Dianne at August 05, 2010 02:36 PM (jcTz/)

64
Tans and Waxes. His. Chest.

Arrggg, you bastard, gave me a visual.

Posted by: Dang Straights at August 05, 2010 02:37 PM (fx8sm)

65 That was almost as good a shower scene as Porky's. Not as much Bush, though.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2010 02:40 PM (VTbuB)

66 LOL, we just posted a thread on the possibility of F&F "excusing underwater loans" and here they are asking for another 1.5B in bailout

http://tinyurl.com/2auuq62

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 02:45 PM (/jbAw)

67 How do you get a DUI in Herbie? It's not like Lindsey was driving. Herbie was.

It's these fucking ethanol blends.

Posted by: Herbie the Soused Bug at August 05, 2010 02:45 PM (JahR7)

68 >>>this would have been more realistic if it showed her in her private cell giving a male guard a bj for some smokes. I thought it was extraordinarily realistic.

Posted by: ace at August 05, 2010 02:49 PM (KUUXH)

69 It's these fucking ethanol blends.

Posted by: Herbie the Soused Bug at August 05, 2010 06:45 PM (JahR7)

He must be a puss then because the strongest is only 40 proof.

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 02:49 PM (/jbAw)

70 He must be a puss then because the strongest is only 40 proof. I drink it by the gallon, tough guy.

Posted by: Hic* *hic* Herbie at August 05, 2010 02:54 PM (SwkdU)

71 Lindsey's Dad smacking the other broad wid a shoe...LOL

Posted by: JDFALCON IN VEGAS at August 05, 2010 02:54 PM (lPu+Z)

72 Do they know how awesome they are?

Posted by: The Mega Independent at August 05, 2010 02:56 PM (5I0Yr)

73 "That was almost as good a shower scene as Porky's. " And (thankfully?) not as twisted as "Prison-A-Go-Go". That movie had a shower scene countdown clock, naked chicks, zombies and ninjas. And starred Mary Woronov as Dyane She-Bitch Slutface. Lots of fun.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 05, 2010 02:57 PM (wd0Iq)

74 If Herbie is on flex-fuel then it's 85% ethanol, so 170 proof.

Posted by: cranky-d at August 05, 2010 02:59 PM (E5U6s)

75 That was great, and I'ma let you finish, but I just have to say the greatest woman's prison shower rape scene ever was in Caged Heat.

Posted by: Kanye West, in a reference that dates approximately to the Paleozoic Era at August 05, 2010 02:59 PM (KUUXH)

76 Biden is at it again; his motorcade involved in another wreck. This time in Queens.

http://tinyurl.com/32vxque

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 03:01 PM (/jbAw)

77 Is Kanye socking ace , or is it the other way around ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 05, 2010 03:01 PM (NuAIL)

78 "...the greatest woman's prison shower rape scene ever was in Caged Heat." Rainbeaux Smith was a nympho.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at August 05, 2010 03:03 PM (wd0Iq)

79 Joanie . Could you please post your subscription information ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 05, 2010 03:07 PM (NuAIL)

80 Actually she was a heroin addict that died at 47 from hepatitis.

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 03:07 PM (/jbAw)

81
I match your Caged Heat and raise you Bound.
Ex convict Gina Gershon gives Jennifer Tilly the down low on which way the wind blows behind bars.

Posted by: Atomic Roach at August 05, 2010 03:08 PM (rMMMP)

82 I saw it on Red Eye also, laughed my ass off.

Posted by: Dr Spank at August 05, 2010 03:09 PM (xO+6C)

83 82 Biden is at it again; his motorcade involved in another wreck. This time in Queens.

http://tinyurl.com/32vxque

Posted by: Vic at August 05, 2010 07:01 PM (/jbAw)

What the hell is going on, are they letting him drive?

Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at August 05, 2010 03:10 PM (YVZlY)

@25: "This must be a prison that discriminates against fat black women, because there aren't any"

No, no, it's kosher. In keeping with current PC guidelines, only whites may appear as criminals in movies and tv shows.

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at August 05, 2010 03:10 PM (ySNz/)

@22: "How do you get a DUI in Herbie? It's not like Lindsey was driving. Herbie was."

You got the name wrong. With Lohan involved, the Love Bug is properly named Herpe

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at August 05, 2010 03:12 PM (ySNz/)

86 If you're not a jaded, twisted, cynical sicko, the best behind bars scene is in You Can't Take It with You where they play the harmonica and have a sing-a-long. To each his own.

Posted by: kathysaysso at August 05, 2010 03:13 PM (ZtwUX)

87 You a good ol' girl, Lindsay!

Posted by: Dragline at August 05, 2010 03:17 PM (ySNz/)

88 If you're not a jaded, twisted, cynical sicko,

Why are you singling me out?

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at August 05, 2010 03:17 PM (lN56Y)

89 Don't we all wish it was Lindsey Graham that had to pick up the bar of soap? Just sayin'.

Posted by: CoolCzech at August 05, 2010 03:19 PM (tJjm/)

90 92 If you're not a jaded, twisted, cynical sicko, the best behind bars scene is in You Can't Take It with You where they play the harmonica and have a sing-a-long. To each his own.

Posted by: kathysaysso at August 05, 2010 07:13 PM (ZtwUX)

Is that movie title in reference to virginity?

Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at August 05, 2010 03:20 PM (YVZlY)

91 96 Don't we all wish it was Lindsey Graham that had to pick up the bar of soap?

Just sayin'.

Posted by: CoolCzech at August 05, 2010 07:19 PM (tJjm/)

Yes, particularly if Big Bubba is there to drive him around the shower.

Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at August 05, 2010 03:21 PM (YVZlY)

92 How do you get a DUI in Herbie?

Ethanol-enriched fuel.

Posted by: Techie at August 05, 2010 03:22 PM (zbH+i)

93
Why are you singling me out?

Right, right, morgenholz. That's the guy. Herr you freak.

Posted by: Dang Straights at August 05, 2010 03:23 PM (fx8sm)

94 It wasn't enough for the Chinese to steal our manufacturing sector, now they've stolen our animated topical humor production? Damn those crafty bastards.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at August 05, 2010 03:27 PM (+lsX1)

But what about the other 85% of the posters here who are jaded, twisted cynical sickos?

Only 85%? That seems low.

Posted by: LibertarianJim at August 05, 2010 03:28 PM (86FvD)

Don't we all wish it was Lindsey Graham that had to pick up the bar of soap?

Yes.

Yes we do.

Posted by: Lindsey Grahamnesty licking Rahm Emanuel's salty, shaven balls at August 05, 2010 06:16 PM (soAcT)

97 Is this the one where Lohan meets "Big Susan" the soapy shower Queen and calls her a Racist because she is not getting any time with Mexican Maria(Illegal alien Drug Runner) before she gets to rehab.. Lohan quotes..." I got to have some dope to trade when I get to the rehab.. Can you stick it in with my smokes for me MOM. (anything for money and no press is bad press... good for porno stars and democrates)...spin spin spin .. Who gives a shit anyway ?

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