Ace of Spades HQ

April 23, 2011

A Little More Goofing On Wonkette
— Ace

From Aaron, who's got an animated gif of the Ewok... um, entertaining himself that is really funny but I just don't know if I can post it. But here are two others.

The first one I asked him to do: A graph of Wonkette's relevance, by date.

This one's all Aaron. Don't blame me.

Posted by: Ace at 03:25 PM | Comments (89)
Post contains 66 words, total size 1 kb.

1 When I click on the link to Aaron's "gif", it's a still photo....

Posted by: Teresa in Ft. Worth, TX at April 23, 2011 03:28 PM (N24Tj)

2 I haven't ever sampled the Wonkette oevre, but I gather that their greatest hits include anal sex and making fun of retarded kids. Their parents must be so proud.

Posted by: pep at April 23, 2011 03:28 PM (gmlb7)

3 You actually only require a thimble of pudding to dip Ewok gonads.

Posted by: Beto at April 23, 2011 03:29 PM (H+LJc)

4 Wonkette is a dried up scrunt.Carry on.

Posted by: steevy at April 23, 2011 03:29 PM (z18dJ)

5 No, I haven't posted the animated one. These are the safe ones.

Posted by: ace at April 23, 2011 03:30 PM (nj1bB)

6 oeuvre
That's what I get for being a showoff.

Posted by: pep at April 23, 2011 03:31 PM (gmlb7)

7 Isn't Wonkette the lefty AOSHQ archetype , just without all the brains and common sense and relevant topics and ......

Posted by: Beto at April 23, 2011 03:33 PM (H+LJc)

8 POST THE ANIMATED ONE IN THE COMMENTS.

It's safe here, nobody except us and Breitbart is going to click through (and shit, you know he's going to love it anyway).

Posted by: Jeff B. at April 23, 2011 03:36 PM (NjYDy)

9
8 ......+100

Posted by: Beto at April 23, 2011 03:37 PM (H+LJc)

10 5 No, I haven't posted the animated one. These are the safe ones. There's no such thing as a safe pudding cup.

Posted by: mghorning at April 23, 2011 03:38 PM (ACbi+)

11 Incidentally, I don't think Wonkette is run by a woman anymore at all. It's run by the mincing-yet-theoretically-heterosexual Ken Layne (with his two -- or is it four? -- kids). It was, once upon a time, the blog run by the not-as-pretty-as-she-thought-she-was Ana Marie Cox, whose main drawing card seemed to be posting softcore lesbian-tease photos of her snogging with the DC whore "Washingtonienne." And then she got old and irrelevant, and sold the property to Nick Denton, who in turn passed it onto Layne.

It's amazing that I actually know this, given that Wonkette is about as important in the blogosphere as "Lonewacko." (old joke for longtime Reason Hit & Run readers).

Posted by: Jeff B. at April 23, 2011 03:39 PM (NjYDy)

12 Is wonkette a chick?

Posted by: Ogre at April 23, 2011 03:40 PM (laBq3)

13 I'm very disappointed in Jell-O.

Posted by: Dan Collins at April 23, 2011 03:41 PM (7ZjAe)

Post the animated one in the comments with a NSFW notation.

These totally fucked up, assinine, hate-mongering pustules should be ridiculed as much as possible as long as they breathe. They are the dregs of humanity.

Posted by: Steph at April 23, 2011 03:41 PM (AkdC5)

15 If Ace is afraid to post the GIF, it must be something like that puke from Wonkette getting gang-raped by an entire tribe of Ewoks. POST IT, FUCKER!

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at April 23, 2011 03:41 PM (v/3Zn)

16 Maybe she could find another staffer to bang a congressman and talk about it?

Posted by: 18-1 at April 23, 2011 03:42 PM (bgcml)

17 Posted by: Jeff B. at April 23, 2011 07:39 PM (NjYDy) That's correct. IIRC, Cox sold it to Gawker Media a few years ago. But she's still a dirty fucking whore.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at April 23, 2011 03:44 PM (v/3Zn)

POST IT, FUCKER!

I thought that needed repeating.

Posted by: mghorning at April 23, 2011 03:44 PM (ACbi+)

19 That's correct. IIRC, Cox sold it to Gawker Media a few years ago. But she's still a dirty fucking whore.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at April 23, 2011 07:44 PM (v/3Zn)

So, the Wonkette staff have no more Cox?

Posted by: 18-1 at April 23, 2011 03:45 PM (bgcml)

20 url in the comments... do it for Breitbart.

Posted by: Anon at April 23, 2011 03:46 PM (C2DfX)

21
Who did she get hooked up with in her hey day?

The Washingtonienne??? Wasn't she the Congressional hoo-ah who liked to kiss 'n tell about her anal escapades with slimy congressmen?

She still around?

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at April 23, 2011 03:46 PM (DTy7x)

22
No one remembers Washingtonienne?

Am I screwing up the name?

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at April 23, 2011 03:48 PM (L0wbB)

23 People don't think it be like it is, but it do.

Posted by: Oscar Gamble at April 23, 2011 03:48 PM (le5qc)

24 Wasn't it a wonkette post that led to the skankathon? If there ever was the perfect time to relink that, it would be now.

Also, I didn't realize that waste of DNA who wrote the thing said that no one was questioning who was Trig's dad since it was Todd either way. I must say, Todd Palin has the patience of a saint. Or he's lying in wait. One of those.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 23, 2011 03:49 PM (sf+iw)

25 Soothsayers, I know you probably don't read anything I post out of pure principle, but I said all that stuff already. Yes, it's Washingtonienne, and yes, she was (in the very literal sense) an anal whore.

Posted by: Jeff B. at April 23, 2011 03:50 PM (NjYDy)

26 skankathon? Marcotte?

Posted by: Beto at April 23, 2011 03:50 PM (H+LJc)

27 >>People don't think it be like it is, but it do.

Dana Vachon used this line while guest-ombudsing on Red Eye a week ago, and I had no idea what he was referring to. Now I do, so thanks.

(Incidentally, I fucking love Vachon every time he's on that show. Quite possibly my favorite Red Eye guest, and when he and Jesse Joyce are on together, the insult-fests are epic every time.)

Posted by: Jeff B. at April 23, 2011 03:51 PM (NjYDy)

28
hahahaha, I missed it, Jeff

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at April 23, 2011 03:52 PM (DTy7x)

29 Todd Palin has the patience of a saint. Or he's lying in wait. One of those.

Not terribly familiar with the Godfather Series?

Posted by: Beto at April 23, 2011 03:52 PM (H+LJc)

30
You know how Ace doesn't read his own blog?

And you know how Breitbart only reads the comments?

Well, I don't read either the main page or the comments. I only make comments.

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at April 23, 2011 03:53 PM (DTy7x)

31 The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon is in the right sidebar.

Posted by: johnd01 at April 23, 2011 03:54 PM (qkRkG)

32 skankathon? Marcotte?

Was it Marcotte? I can't remember the impetus behind it but Ace's skankathon is one of my go to pieces when I need to laugh. It's even funnier if you picture Wicket doing it. Pun intended.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 23, 2011 03:55 PM (sf+iw)

33
evidently alex doesn't read the comments, either

Posted by: Leftover Soothsayers at April 23, 2011 03:57 PM (L0wbB)

34 evidently alex doesn't read the comments, either

Pfffft reading is stupid. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have upwards of 40 boxes of books to unpack.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 23, 2011 03:58 PM (sf+iw)

35 what's this thread about and who is commenting here?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 23, 2011 04:09 PM (eOXTH)

36
Who are we?

Why are we here?

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:12 PM (L0wbB)

37 31 The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon is in the right sidebar.

Posted by: johnd01 at April 23, 2011 07:54 PM (qkRkG)

What astonishes me most about that diary is that he expects us to believe that he had a girlfriend. The rest sounds like stuff he would do, but that girlfriend bit justs strains credibility.

Posted by: Grey Fox at April 23, 2011 04:13 PM (Wc7h8)

38
(I noticed a lotta people take exception to Phil Hartman's mocking of the good admiral.)

Poor guy. He was ridiculed and made out to be a dunce by the same people who ignore the dunce Vice President we have now.

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:15 PM (L0wbB)

39 what's this thread about and who is commenting here?

Why am I in this handbasket?

Posted by: alexthechick at April 23, 2011 04:16 PM (sf+iw)

40 Court Jester humphrey here, logistics division. We need something similar to the Kokokoran that would enrage the Democrats the way it does the Muslims when it is mishandled. It would drive them to drink/spend more on pop psychology and fun to watch their eyeballs spin. But golly gee whackers, what in the Gaia could it be?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 23, 2011 04:17 PM (EiH7n)

41 Comminist Manifesto

Posted by: Ronster at April 23, 2011 04:20 PM (aQjWt)

42 the dunce Vice President we have now.

That jackass is so stupid it illuminates how crooked he must be to be promoted to his career positions.

Posted by: Beto at April 23, 2011 04:21 PM (H+LJc)

Speaking of Ana Marie Cocks...has anyone seen her lately??

She was kinda semi-cute back in the day...certainly not something that would catch the eye of that god-man Jack Stuef...but meh!

Now she looks like the thing that ate Ana Marie Cocks

^{I'd taken to an intense dislike of her ever since her Tea Bag-athon on the Rachel Madcow show}

Posted by: beedubya at April 23, 2011 04:22 PM (AnTyA)

44 Wonkette is about as believable as your lord and savior ascending to heaven on a horse.

Posted by: Andrew Breitbart, Sex Machine at April 23, 2011 04:25 PM (GC5/b)

45
Biden was born a serpent. He was born to be a political hack.

Biden stumbled into the Senate at 29, before he was eligible to serve. And he never left Washington after that.

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:27 PM (L0wbB)

Speaking of Ana Marie Cocks...has anyone seen her lately??

Appears that she needs to wear a bra so she don't trip over her sagging tatas.

Posted by: Ronster at April 23, 2011 04:27 PM (aQjWt)

47 44 Wonkette is about as believable as your lord and savior ascending to heaven on a horse.

Posted by: Andrew Breitbart, Sex Machine at April 23, 2011 08:25 PM (GC5/b)

Yea, gotta agree with that, HEY!

Posted by: Allah-Be-Good at April 23, 2011 04:29 PM (g3OU+)

Biden stumbled into the Senate at 29, before he was eligible to serve. And he never left Washington after that.

I didn't know that. How'd he manage that or, more accurately, who managed that for him?

Posted by: Polliwog at April 23, 2011 04:32 PM (wT2Rb)

49 Today, my mother and wife were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthy conversation, my wife mentions "And he always farts during sex"

Posted by: Ken Layned at April 23, 2011 04:32 PM (g3OU+)

50 Why am I in this handbasket?

And where are we going?

Posted by: Retread at April 23, 2011 04:34 PM (okCHU)

51 I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about.

Posted by: Ken Layned at April 23, 2011 04:34 PM (g3OU+)

52
He got elected when he was 29 and turned thirty a couple weeks later.

So he was 30 and sworn in by the time the session began.

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:35 PM (DTy7x)

53 Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant.

Posted by: Ken Layned at April 23, 2011 04:35 PM (g3OU+)

54 That graph is a sham. It could not possibly take one whole day for wonkette to sink into the abyss.

Posted by: colledge stoodent at April 23, 2011 04:36 PM (p/Z7O)

55 Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I am her dad.

Posted by: Ken Layned at April 23, 2011 04:37 PM (g3OU+)

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 08:35 PM (DTy7x)

So it sounds like even back when the dems were pushing the rules to see what they could get away with.

Posted by: Polliwog at April 23, 2011 04:37 PM (wT2Rb)

57 Even Michael Mann can't hide that decline.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at April 23, 2011 04:38 PM (c0A3e)

58 Trinity United Church of Christ on Chicago's south side and Westboro Baptist Church are hateful. One is tolerated more than the other. Regular shit; Hating whites is still the pop thing to do. Just for the record, the only thing i'm really against is socialism and sharia law. I got a lot more things to worry about than some gobber smoochers.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 23, 2011 04:38 PM (EiH7n)

59 Today, my wife compared my penis to an Ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out.

Posted by: Ken Layned at April 23, 2011 04:39 PM (g3OU+)

60 Wonkette was kinda interesting when it was run by that chick that liked anal sex. Now that it is run by a ghey who likes anal sex,,,,well,,,I just don't care for it.

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at April 23, 2011 04:40 PM (v0pFT)

If I subscribe to Ace of Spades Insider for $39.99 a month can i see the animated one?

Posted by: Ben at April 23, 2011 04:40 PM (DKV43)

62
Faustian bargain?

Biden won his senate bid by an upset. A month later his wife and baby daughter were killed in a car crash.

Makes one wonder if he made a deal with the devil.

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:42 PM (DTy7x)

63
I mean like you hear about in stories, of course.

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:43 PM (L0wbB)

64 Please Ken, you're killing me....literally.

Posted by: Andrew Breitbart, Sex Machine at April 23, 2011 04:44 PM (GC5/b)

65 Makes one wonder if he made a deal with the devil.

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 08:42 PM (DTy7x)

he's a democrat, duh.

Posted by: Unclefacts Luxury-Yacht at April 23, 2011 04:45 PM (6IReR)

66 The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon is in the right sidebar.

Posted by: johnd01 at April 23, 2011 07:54 PM (qkRkG)

Holy shit that was hysterical!!!

Posted by: Tami at April 23, 2011 04:45 PM (VuLos)

67 Faustian, that's a given.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 23, 2011 04:46 PM (EiH7n)

68 Holy shit that was hysterical!!!

You see why it's a go to when I'm feeling blue.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 23, 2011 04:47 PM (sf+iw)

69
sorta like little 9 year old Barack Hussein Soetero praying to satan that he'd trade his mom's life to be pezident of the united states

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:48 PM (DTy7x)

70
okay, that's just crazy talk

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:48 PM (DTy7x)

71 I've been reminding Jack Stuff on twitter daily that he looks like he has some mongoloid in him. I mean, he does, go look at that fucking slob.

Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz at April 23, 2011 04:48 PM (s5aNX)

72 has some mongoloid in him. He's a good Devo song too.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 23, 2011 04:50 PM (EiH7n)

73 65 Please Ken, you're killing me....literally.

Posted by: Andrew Breitbart, Sex Machine at April 23, 2011 08:44 PM (GC5/b)

Ok, I have to go downstairs and cook hamburgers on my charcoal grill. I've have to cook indoors cause it's raining out.

Posted by: Ken Layned at April 23, 2011 04:52 PM (g3OU+)

74 The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon is in the right sidebar.

Posted by: johnd01 at April 23, 2011 07:54 PM (qkRkG)

OMG! That is some of the funniest shit I've ever read!

Jeebus, Ace. You actually used to be funny.

I keed, I keed.

Posted by: Steph at April 23, 2011 04:53 PM (AkdC5)

75 I don't have a kid to give an Easter basket to, so what's that basket I found in my closet, marked "Hell"? Am I going somewhere? Do I need to pack a bathing suit?

And I confess to having made a Jello-type thing for Easter dinner tomorrow. I'm a "good" lil' Presbyterian.

Happy Easter, all. (I missed Earf Day.)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 23, 2011 04:54 PM (UOM48)

76 Some commenter over at HA posted a video that is a great example of The Narrative coming from the left.

It is titled 'gas price hypocrisy'. Pretty interesting now and then contrasting.

Posted by: GnuBreed at April 23, 2011 04:54 PM (ENKCw)

77 You see why it's a go to when I'm feeling blue.

Posted by: alexthechick at April 23, 2011 08:47 PM (sf+iw)

Absolutely....I can't pick a favorite part from it because there is so much...although, this is pretty damn close:

I limboed on to her bed. "And, the thing of it is, it has to be anal."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Regulations," I explained in embarrassment. "I don't make the rules. It's a crazy world, you know?"

She shrugged as she took off her cigarette-burned dressing gown. "I don't care either way. I'm not sure I can even tell them apart at this point."

Now that's hot.

Too friggin' funny!

Posted by: Tami at April 23, 2011 04:54 PM (VuLos)

78 Where are real commentors? What have you done with them?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 23, 2011 04:55 PM (EiH7n)

79
new post not to read is up

Posted by: Amiral Soothsayer Stockdale at April 23, 2011 04:56 PM (DTy7x)

80 She wasn't in the mood for any kind of real deviant sex, but I did manage to spank her a few times.

"Stop doing that," she said.

"I'm sorry," I told her. "I thought I saw a spider on your bottom."

Before we were done, I slapped her ass a couple of more times. She shot me a look, but I just said, "Spiders."

I am so using that.

Posted by: The Doublemint Twins at April 23, 2011 05:03 PM (n+AqD)

81 Well that was an unintentionally funny sock-fail.

Posted by: jcjimi at April 23, 2011 05:04 PM (n+AqD)

82 Haha, nice p'shops, Aaron!

Posted by: Peaches at April 23, 2011 05:28 PM (vKHX/)

83 Can you post them elsewhere for plausible deniability?

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at April 23, 2011 06:01 PM (qIHlG)

84 We had our very first Papa John's pizza last night. When I went to pick it up, I told 'em that we figured it was a good time to order one 'cause they were on the right side of Wonkette.

Posted by: cthulhu at April 23, 2011 07:23 PM (kaalw)

85 I thought Wonkette was just for anal talk. They post other stuff? Shit who would have know?

Posted by: Kemp at April 23, 2011 07:35 PM (JpFM9)

86 86 I thought Wonkette was just for anal talk.

Look What's Talking, Too

Posted by: Dan Collins at April 23, 2011 07:45 PM (7ZjAe)

87 My daughter-in-law told me the other day that Ken always farts during sex.
Which confirms what I've always suspected.
That boyfriend of his is a gossipy little bitch.

Posted by: Ken Layned's Mom at April 24, 2011 07:00 AM (a5ljo)

88 I've been reminding Jack Stuff on twitter daily that he looks like he has some mongoloid in him.

And some African, Caucasian, Philippino, and Native American. The guy can't afford to be picky, IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: the scorpion at April 24, 2011 10:54 AM (GTbGH)

89 People who would disparage the disabled are the very sort who see those less fortunate and are unable to acknowledge, 'There but for the grace of God go I.' But in the next breath they see a person of wealth and say 'There but for the rule of law go I.'

Hard work isn't supposed to matter to the champagne socialist for equal distribution but those among us who are incapable of work are not worthy because of their inability to work. Dizzying. Democrats love welfare for the thrid world on the backs of US taxpayers while illegal aliens elbow the disabled out of line for assistance, recognition, and compassion. Evil.

Posted by: FeFe at April 25, 2011 10:20 AM (TjlA2)

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