Ace of Spades HQ

June 24, 2011

Boulder Toilet Hobo Arrested
— Ace

Justice for hobos, the sweetest justice of all.

He was arrested on an unrelated panhandling charge.

Police became suspicious because his panhandler's sign said "WILL WORK FOR POOP."

Posted by: Ace at 11:40 AM | Comments (101)
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

1 What's this about poop?

Posted by: Truman North at June 24, 2011 11:41 AM (K2wpv)

2 Police, "I thought I reconigzied your foul stench."

Posted by: Anna Puma at June 24, 2011 11:42 AM (Oh/an)

3 The guy's last name is Chrisco? The jokes write themselves ...

Posted by: No Whining at June 24, 2011 11:42 AM (0AClR)

4 I bet they found him by following the trail of corn kernels...it's hard to keep those in the shopping cart.

Posted by: garrett at June 24, 2011 11:42 AM (RiYPk)

I'm about to concern troll here:

People are definitely going to make jokes about anal sex, and politicians who enjoy anal sex.

This is why we can't have nice poop jokes.

Posted by: Truman North at June 24, 2011 11:43 AM (K2wpv)

6 My work is catching on.

Posted by: Gary Moody at June 24, 2011 11:43 AM (SwkdU)

7 Chrisco faces misdemeanor charges of unlawful sexual contact and criminal invasion of privacy.

Can a product be held accountable for the uses to which it is put?

Posted by: No Whining at June 24, 2011 11:43 AM (0AClR)

8 Has this guy been tweeting ace?

Posted by: Cherry π the unbanned at June 24, 2011 11:44 AM (OhYCU)

9 Anna Puma at June 24, 2011 03:42 PM (Oh/an)

Stop stealing my content!

Posted by: Princess Leia at June 24, 2011 11:45 AM (usXZy)

10 "...but the suspect slipped away." I bet.

Posted by: Anonymoose at June 24, 2011 11:46 AM (ZgvjV)

11 It wasn't Rachel Madcow???

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 11:46 AM (UOM48)

12 Did he smell bad?

Posted by: mike at June 24, 2011 11:47 AM (KsI1l)

13 You Dropped a Bomb on Me

Posted by: The Gap Band at June 24, 2011 11:47 AM (RiYPk)

14 What-handling?

Posted by: oblig. at June 24, 2011 11:47 AM (xvZW9)

15 11, Nope, Ed "Chrisco" Schultz.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at June 24, 2011 11:47 AM (NtTkA)

16 We have been scouring the countryside for one of those "jobs saved".

Posted by: Cherry π the unbanned at June 24, 2011 11:48 AM (OhYCU)

No shit.

Posted by: Purity Of Essence at June 24, 2011 11:48 AM (T8AKP)

18 Yesterday we were told his name was Sky. I like Chrisco better.

Wait....isn't that an alias of Keef Olbermann?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 11:48 AM (UOM48)

19 I hate to say this but this fetish is not that uncommon. I know of at least two other people arrested for it.

Posted by: mike at June 24, 2011 11:49 AM (KsI1l)

20 Still no Rick Sanchez sighting?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 11:49 AM (UOM48)

21 When apprehended by police, the suspect had a "shit-eating grin".

Ha!

Posted by: EC at June 24, 2011 11:49 AM (GQ8sn)

22 So, who's going to produce the new flix: Two Hobos & A Cup?

Posted by: mike at June 24, 2011 11:49 AM (KsI1l)

23 Be aware of anyone with the initials L-I-C.

Posted by: Cherry π the unbanned at June 24, 2011 11:49 AM (OhYCU)

24 If you can't panhandle freely after providing people with cheap colonoscopy exams from a outside loo, than the terrorists will have won!

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at June 24, 2011 11:50 AM (9hSKh)

25 Wait till those infections kick in with those multiple cuts on his legs.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 11:50 AM (UOM48)

26 18
Yesterday we were told his name was Sky. I like Chrisco better.
Wait....isn't that an alias of Keef Olbermann?
Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 03:48 PM (UOM4

Chrisco in the sty with Keefums

Posted by: No Whining at June 24, 2011 11:50 AM (0AClR)

27 How did you find that follow-up story?

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 11:50 AM (qzC2p)

28 I'm surprised he didn't manage to squeeze out the back door.

Posted by: lorien1973 at June 24, 2011 11:51 AM (usXZy)

29 mike , I hope it's really know of , as opposed to know personally .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at June 24, 2011 11:51 AM (npr0X)

30 25 If you can't panhandle freely after providing people with cheap colonoscopy exams from a outside loo, than the terrorists will have won!

Lol.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 11:51 AM (UOM48)

"I thought I reconigzied your foul stench."

This would not stand up in a Boulder Court.

Posted by: garrett at June 24, 2011 11:51 AM (RiYPk)

32 OT:

What are we going to do to counter this!!

http://tinyurl.com/5vatrxr

Posted by: McLovin at June 24, 2011 11:51 AM (j0IcY)

33 Another performance artist with a national grant.

Posted by: Anonymoose at June 24, 2011 11:52 AM (ZgvjV)

34 I love the side bar references to Pakistan as Fredo.

Posted by: wooga at June 24, 2011 11:52 AM (2p0e3)

35 25 If you can't panhandle freely after providing people with cheap colonoscopy exams from a outside loo, than the terrorists will have won!

We laugh now. Wait till Obamacare kicks in.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 24, 2011 11:53 AM (UOM48)

36 Kudos. He took the "bleachers" classic and put his own spin on it.

Posted by: Seymour Butts at June 24, 2011 11:54 AM (QKKT0)

37 26 Wait till those infections kick in with those multiple cuts on his legs.

E.coli is fun! He should feel fortunate he didn't die while indulging in this shitty fantasy, either from a gun-carrying restroom occupant or from suffication (plenty of localized methane in the bottom of those things) .

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at June 24, 2011 11:54 AM (9hSKh)

This is why we can't have nice poop jokes.

How many Boulder toilet hobos does it take to replace a lightbulb?

Posted by: FireHorse at June 24, 2011 11:54 AM (jAKfY)

39 Sounds more like the pan handles him.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at June 24, 2011 11:55 AM (6ATVV)

40 If he's covered in shit, you must acquit!

Posted by: zombie cochran at June 24, 2011 11:56 AM (ZgvjV)

41 "Oh shit!"

Posted by: Boulder toilet hobo being arrested at June 24, 2011 11:56 AM (TFxd0)

42 I'm not going to hang out on this thread just to be shit all over.

Posted by: Luke Ivan Chrisco, Outhouse Commando at June 24, 2011 11:56 AM (QKKT0)

43 In Soviet Russia, poop work for us

Posted by: Cherry π the unbanned at June 24, 2011 11:56 AM (OhYCU)

You people are sick. I don't like poop, I like to watch women when they are in the act of taking a poop!

Posted by: Animal Lard at June 24, 2011 11:57 AM (TOk1P)

45 I'm getting too old for this shit.

Posted by: Ivan Chrisco, 20 years into the future, after his 10th arrest at June 24, 2011 11:57 AM (9hSKh)

46 People say this guy's a little nuts. I don't think that's fair. It's Boulder, CO, land of Prius-driving liberals. Everyone knows their shit tastes like ice cream!

Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 11:57 AM (TFxd0)

47 Police: "The poop is strong in this one"

Posted by: Guy With A Joke at June 24, 2011 11:57 AM (20jXV)

48 "You have the right to remain 30 feet away from me..."

Posted by: Arresting Officer at June 24, 2011 11:57 AM (6ATVV)

49 50 Police: "The poop is strong in this one"

Posted by: Guy With A Joke at June 24, 2011 03:57 PM (20jXV)

LOL

Posted by: Guy Who Laughs At His Own Jokes at June 24, 2011 11:58 AM (20jXV)

50 He's been arrested for this two other times.

This was his turd offense.

Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 11:58 AM (TFxd0)

51 Figures. The shit always flows downhill. And I know.

Posted by: Ivan Chrisco at June 24, 2011 11:58 AM (qzC2p)

52 He's also been arrested for gambling. His game of choice?

Craps.

Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 11:59 AM (TFxd0)

53 Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 03:58 PM (TFxd0)

Freakin' LOL

Posted by: The Mega Independent at June 24, 2011 11:59 AM (6ATVV)

54 "A Golden Shower for Every Hour"

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at June 24, 2011 11:59 AM (iAUf+)

55 I love the side bar references to Pakistan as Fredo.
Posted by: wooga at June 24, 2011 03:52 PM

Thanks. I keep giggling my ass off over that.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 11:59 AM (qzC2p)

56 Stop stealing my content!

Posted by: Princess Leia at June 24, 2011 03:45 PM (usXZy)

---------------------------------------------------------------

You are far too trusting! LOL

Posted by: Anna Puma at June 24, 2011 12:00 PM (Oh/an)

57 (I'm a little disturbed by my ability to come up with jokes on this topic. I must have some German ancestry.)

Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 12:00 PM (TFxd0)

58 This brings a whole new meaning to "he likes it in the poop chute".

Posted by: The Mega Independent at June 24, 2011 12:00 PM (6ATVV)

59 "...you can put the load right on me"

Posted by: Ivan "The Band" Chrisco at June 24, 2011 12:01 PM (ZgvjV)

60 Forget it, Ace, it's Shitsville.

Posted by: concerned police lieutenant at June 24, 2011 12:01 PM (c5Nbw)

How many Boulder toilet hobos does it take to replace a lightbulb?

None. (The lightbulb is fine. It's just dim from the brownout.)

Posted by: FireHorse at June 24, 2011 12:01 PM (jAKfY)

I saw that on Drudge this a.m.

Ladies, don't all crap in your pants at once, but he's a pron star and runs an escort service--40 bucks an hour with a 2 hour minimum.

Posted by: runningrn at June 24, 2011 12:02 PM (ihSHD)

63 First they came for the hobos that crawled into the tanks of portable toilets, but I wasn't a hobo that crawled into the tanks of portable toilets ...

Posted by: FireHorse at June 24, 2011 12:04 PM (jAKfY)

y-not wins one intertubes with #53.

Thanks for playing.

Posted by: garrett at June 24, 2011 12:04 PM (RiYPk)

65 When asked about his current situation, Chrisco said, "Things are looking up!"

Posted by: Cricket at June 24, 2011 12:04 PM (bViNN)

Oh, and the height estimate was pretty good on his APB description--the dude is 6'4" (yesterday's article estimated it at 6'4"-6'8").

So he's tall, dark and rancid.

Posted by: runningrn at June 24, 2011 12:04 PM (ihSHD)

67 I wonder if the suspect also had a distinctive blue color.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 12:04 PM (qzC2p)

68 "...you can put the load right on me" Posted by: Ivan "The Band" Chrisco at June 24, 2011 04:01 PM

Hah!

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 12:05 PM (qzC2p)

69 So he's tall, dark and rancid.

lol!

Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 12:05 PM (TFxd0)

70 Police: "fee-SEIZE HIM!!"

Posted by: FireHorse at June 24, 2011 12:07 PM (jAKfY)

So he's tall, dark and rancid.

Yeah that is at least a +100

Posted by: Anna Puma at June 24, 2011 12:07 PM (Oh/an)

72 When he was arrested, I gather he was really caught off guard because he said "Pinch me!"

At least, I think that's what he meant by that.

Posted by: Y-not at June 24, 2011 12:07 PM (TFxd0)

73
Wait till those infections kick in with those multiple cuts on his legs.

Ah, the People's Republic of Boulder can pay for the treatment. Or, they can wait and then consider it a shovel-ready project.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at June 24, 2011 12:08 PM (1hM1d)

When he was arrested, I gather he was really caught off guard because he said "Pinch me!"

Ha! Ha! I loaf that!

"Always after me Yucky Charms!" They're magically pooh-licious!

Posted by: runningrn at June 24, 2011 12:10 PM (ihSHD)

Were Ponch and John the arresting officers or just evidence?

Posted by: FireHorse at June 24, 2011 12:11 PM (jAKfY)

but the suspect slipped away

ah, hahahahaa!

Posted by: Jughead at June 24, 2011 12:12 PM (K/USr)

77 I bet those cops were really trying hard to catch the suspect.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 12:13 PM (qzC2p)

78 At a Yoga Festival.

That's a lot of bran in attendance. A lot of tea. Damn.

Posted by: Dang at June 24, 2011 12:16 PM (TXKVh)

79 "Hey, buddy. Take a few pics of me with my Blackberry while you're down there."

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at June 24, 2011 12:18 PM (TXKVh)

83---hahahaha

nothing like a good toilet hobo joke

Posted by: Jughead at June 24, 2011 12:20 PM (K/USr)

At a Yoga Festival.

That's a lot of bran in attendance. A lot of tea. Damn.

Yup, soy fueled vegan fest...

Posted by: runningrn at June 24, 2011 12:20 PM (ihSHD)

82 Coolest Lincoln LogÂ™ fort ever!

Posted by: That hobo you just shit on in the Port-O-Potty at June 24, 2011 12:21 PM (TXKVh)

83 Gives new meaning to the shit hitting the fan.

Posted by: Anonymoose at June 24, 2011 12:21 PM (ZgvjV)

84 Obama has been crapping all over us for 2 years now. Can we be arrested for this?

Posted by: Cherry π the unbanned at June 24, 2011 12:24 PM (OhYCU)

85 I was just studying Uranus.

Posted by: Ivan 'The Astronomer' Chrisco at June 24, 2011 12:25 PM (ZgvjV)

86 Coolest Lincoln LogÃ¯Â¿Â½ fort ever!

No, he lives in a TP.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at June 24, 2011 12:27 PM (QMtmy)

87 I'm surprised he didn't manage to squeeze out the back door.

He couldn't manage to squeeze the Charmin either.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at June 24, 2011 12:28 PM (QMtmy)

88 Fish and Game has increased the number of Hobo tags this year... Happy Hunting morons.

Posted by: The Jackhole at June 24, 2011 12:32 PM (+qHxi)

89 Ynot---- Turd offense... Fabulous !

Posted by: The Jackhole at June 24, 2011 12:33 PM (+qHxi)

90 The Smoking Gun has his pic:

http://tinyurl.com/65tpb5g

Posted by: Dr. Varno at June 24, 2011 12:35 PM (QMtmy)

91 "Colorado Toilet Tank Arrestee Is A Wannabe New Age P0rnographer"

http://tinyurl.com/69q4tnw

Posted by: Dr. Varno at June 24, 2011 12:37 PM (QMtmy)

"Keep Boulder weird."

No problem. Poop hobo is here to help. Lookin for flash of snatch. Human waste smells like home to me. I was worth it.

Posted by: poop hobo at June 24, 2011 12:53 PM (0fzsA)

93 I feel like I need some CD keys. Anyone know where I can get some?

Posted by: lorien1973 at June 24, 2011 12:55 PM (usXZy)

94 I hope the police keep this guy on a suicide watch, since he's obviously been feeling a little down in the dumps.

(Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress.)

Posted by: Ignatz D. Mouse at June 24, 2011 01:03 PM (2oX2J)

95 This guy creeps me out.

Posted by: Charles Manson at June 24, 2011 01:07 PM (qdI7N)

96 Picture of Ivan Chrisco captured at the yoga festival before he ran off.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 01:40 PM (qzC2p)

97 He's just an edgy artist.his latest work is titled "Piss Chrisco".

Posted by: mark c at June 24, 2011 04:28 PM (SBIko)

98 I hear the police have the poop on this guy.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 24, 2011 04:51 PM (qzC2p)

99 Just more of the same old crap from a guy who was clearly tanked at the time.

Posted by: enter sandman at June 24, 2011 11:08 PM (zxaA2)

100 From the link at 95: "In an April video posted to his Facebook page, Chrisco--who introduced himself as Â“Skye Oryan, the biggest jackass on earthÂ”--said that he was en route to North Carolina and spent the night sleeping in a cardboard box inside a dumpster at a construction site. He did not want to stay at the Greyhound station because it Â“smelled weird.Â”"

Posted by: Donna V. at June 25, 2011 06:06 AM (oOVh4)

101

"A festival security officer says he chased a man who eventually emerged, but the suspect slipped away. The man was covered in human waste."

Slip sliding away, Slip sliding away, You know the more you smeared with defecation, The more you slip sliding away.

Posted by: mrt721 at June 26, 2011 10:49 AM (tn28T)

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