1
I feel bad for people with herpes.

2 Meh!

Perry!  Famous Texas Joo endorses!

http://tinyurl.com/3n3cy3m

3 Straight out of Minority Report.

4 Insert Minority Report reference here.

5 You know who the stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure is right? Obama

6 Well, the 'rons' taste in all things pron is about to be outed in a very public manner ...

7
/walks into a CVS

speaker box: "Hey, can I interest you in purchaisng Summer's Eve?"

8 Dammit man.  Ding dongs might've not been the best choice of product example for this post.

9 Whoa.  Former Baltimore Oriole Cy Young winner Mike Flanagan dead from a self-inflicted gun shot to the face.  He was 59.

10 Then it starts hawking K-Y Jelly to you and Val-U-Rite vodka. Right in front of your new girlfriend. Oh, new or not, she would know my tendencies by that point. BWAHahahahahahahha!

11

So one day, Obama's going to be in a Whole Foods market and a machine will recommend to him a Jeff / Ace of Spades "Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure' coffee mug.

Priceless.

12 Why do scenarios of how this might play out remind me of the extended joke about taking ownership of the Swedish penis extender pump in Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery?

13

You know that penis enlargement medical clinic website you visited last year? Uh-huh. You'll be hearing from them again soon. Next time you buy a Mountain Dew at the local 7-11.

That's a strange juxtapostion, rdbrewer.

Anything you want to tell us?

14 Straight out of Minority Report.

I liked that movie the first time I saw it.  {Delete lengthy rant on what Hollywood does to Phillip K. Dick books.}  I just saw for the second time a few days ago.  Boy, there are plot holes you could throw Michael Moore through.  OK, OK, plot holes you could roll Michael Moore through.

15 "Do you like Gladiators?"

16 That's almost as intrusive as blogs and other websites tailoring their ads to your physical location!  Oh.. wait..

17

"Do you like Gladiators?"

"Ever seen a grown man naked?"

18 "Based on your last Google search for 'Pelosi sex tape'"

19 One should not have to feel creeped out simply because they went to the store to buy some Ding Dongs.

Um, they're for feeding my gerbils ...

20 It's Philip K. Dick's world, we just live in it.

21 >>>At the pace this technology is advancing, we need a comprehensive privacy statute, one that addresses some of the legal fictions that have crept into Fourth Amendment jurisprudence regarding reasonable expectation of privacy. One should not have to feel creeped out simply because they went to the store to buy some Ding Dongs.

Agreed, but people need to understand that this type of advertising gives people a lot of free shit.  Like this blog.  Or YouTube.  Or your free web email.  Lots of stuff people take for granted.

If you go too far with the privacy law, then the advertising based business model that these types of services rely on becomes unprofitable. 

Basically, I agree with you, but I hate to hear people whining about how their privacy is being violated, and then whining that they have to pay for things.   As if they have a God-given right to free shit.

22

>>{Delete lengthy rant on what Hollywood does to Phillip K. Dick books.}

Indeed, the books and short stories are almost always better.

However I'd still like to see Hollywood try The Man In The High Castle

23
meanwhile...

Rome is burning and Nero is on vacation.

24 How many people know that every time they buy groceries with a credit or debit card what they buy and their address goes into a huge database that is used by retailers to classify neighborhoods for advertizing?

There is no privacy anymore.

25 21
As if they have a God-given right to free shit.
Posted by: dan-O at August 25, 2011 02:10 PM (BAjNF)

Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare ... I rest my case!

26 However I'd still like to see Hollywood try The Man In The High Castle I would be happy to turn it into an object lesson showing how racist the white man is.

27 I believe that soon we will have flexible screens that are flexible enough to be clothing, so you can change the patterns displayed on your shirt, for example. And, like apps your iphone, you will be able to pay for the soft patterns on your shirt, or get it ad supported. So you might be talking to somebody, their shirt will look at your face, track you down on Facebook, then display some ad to you.

28 Those discount cards, from say Kroger, are also used for data collection.

29 The individual id for marketing purposes is going to come from linking the RFID chip in your credit card to your smartphone browser cookies; facial recognition will be serving up broad choices based of race/sex/age for a long time. What is really going to suck is when the software is wrong and repeated ids guys with weak chins as elderly women for example or hefty girls as plumbing contractors.

30 An enterprising moron with too much time on his hands could totally screw with the demographic here....

31

Off topic, but she is headed up your way, Miss Irene, badest hurricane since 1938:

I am most concerned about the storm surge danger to North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, New York, and the rest of the New England coast. Irene is capable of inundating portions of the coast under 10 - 15 feet of water, to the highest storm surge depths ever recorded. I strongly recommend that all residents of the mid-Atlantic and New England coast familiarize themselves with their storm surge risk. The best source of that information is the National Hurricane Center's Interactive Storm Surge Risk Map, which allows one to pick a particular Category hurricane and zoom in to see the height above ground level a worst-case storm surge may go. If you prefer static images, use wunderground's Storm Surge Inundation Maps. If these tools indicate you may be at risk, consult your local or state emergency management office to determine if you are in a hurricane evacuation zone. Mass evacuations of low-lying areas along the entire coast of New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia are at least 50% likely to be ordered by Saturday. The threat to the coasts of New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Maine is less certain, but evacuations may be ordered in those states, as well. Irene is an extremely dangerous storm for an area that has no experience with hurricanes, and I strongly urge you to evacuate from the coast if an evacuation is ordered by local officials. My area of greatest concern is the coast from Ocean City, Maryland, to Atlantic City, New Jersey. It is possible that this stretch of coast will receive a direct hit from a slow-moving Category 2 hurricane hitting during the highest tide of the month, bringing a 10 - 15 foot storm surge. (Jeff Masters)

From weatherunderground (wunderground dot com)

 

 

32

How many people know that every time they buy groceries with a credit or debit card what they buy and their address goes into a huge database that is used by retailers to classify neighborhoods for advertizing?

Posted by: Vic at August 25, 2011 02:11 PM (M9Ie6)

 

That's why we must never allow them to force us into a cashless society.  If I need something I'm ashamed to obtain, I use cash.  The rest I'll buy with a card and I don't care who knows.  Physical currency will always be critical to possess.

 

33

I know that my cable box is spying on me.

It watches me undress.......and now I am getting spammed with ads for bras in my exact cup size.

34 Add to this the fact that with current, widespread technology, you have no idea outside your home if you are or are not on camera. You can buy pocket pens with video cameras in them. Short of being deep in the woods or your own bathroom, you cannot assume you are not being recorded. Not to say that cameras are in fact everywhere, but you simply cannot know where they might be.

35 Can you move over to the right just a little? Thanks.

36 The Chappelle video is ultra hilarious.  I give it a good B+, or better.

37 My guess is this is going to suck horrendously. As in, get it wrong 9 times out of ten, and in incredibly insulting and humiliating ways that enrage people.

38 I usually go about with a tiny video camera, and record everyone surreptitiously. Chances are there will be one guy doing that anyway, so it might as well be me.

39 27, Good Chrst, that's a lot of Technology and goofy shit. How about creating a corn taco shell that is crunchy but doesn't blow all to pieces when you take a bite. Then you will have something. Wood is cut, house stargeryically boarded up, food, gas and assorted camping at home gear stocked. Bring that bitch on. The sailor family is prepared. Back to work, stay safe rons.

40 They make an upskirt version of this.

41 I think my dryer is snitching on me to the EPA, about what anti-static sheets I use.

42 How far above sea level are you?

43 Enough of SCOAMF stuff I'm going to the movies.

44 They make an upskirt version of this. I once tried the mirrors on top of your shoes trick, but stupidly I used parabolic ones. I couldn't see a thing, and got arrested for starting underwear fires.

45 42, I'm not sure. I am 1 mile from the intercoastal and two from the atlantic. I think I read 62 feet or something like that.

46 I think my dryer is snitching on me to the EPA, about what anti-static sheets I use.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure at August 25, 2011 02:20 PM (AZGON)

 

No doubt.  I suspect that the new super-refrigerators with internet connections serve a similar purpose, so that Moooochele can know your fat intake on any given day.  And don't get me started on all the snitching your phone is doing.  It's probably having a chummy conversation with the Raptor computers as I type this.

47 You're out shopping with your mom.  The ad says, "Strap-ons are the cool accessory nowadays.  Don't delay adding to your collection!"

Even worse if it's targeted to your mom.

48 I think my dryer is snitching on me to the EPA, about what anti-static sheets I use. Your Colthesline will never snitch. But then your neighbor will to the HOA.

49 My area of greatest concern is the coast from Ocean City, Maryland, to Atlantic City, New Jersey. It is possible that this stretch of coast will receive a direct hit from a slow-moving Category 2 hurricane hitting during the highest tide of the month, bringing a 10 - 15 foot storm surge.

And that's why I'll be down South packing up things tomorrow in order to skedaddle. Our boat was pulled out of the water today, but our double-wide may be a boat by Sunday evening.

50 For the truly paranoid:  Imagine one day when your ISPs will store every jot and tittle that you do on the internet....oh, wait.

51 "We have reduced the price on the goat video you viewed. Take it home today."

52 From weatherunderground (wunderground dot com)

No relation.

53 "We have plus size panties in size 55 now."

54 Basically, I agree with you, but I hate to hear people whining about how their privacy is being violated, and then whining that they have to pay for things.   As if they have a God-given right to free shit.

Posted by: dan-O at August 25, 2011 02:10 PM (BAjNF)

Good point.  Those whiners on youtube really grate sometimes.

55 Your Colthesline will never snitch. But then your neighbor will to the HOA.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at August 25, 2011 02:24 PM (ZDUD4)

 

Ain't that the truth - there's nobody with more energetic vitality than your typical HOA nazi.  They're tireless snoops and stool pidgeons.  I can't understand why any person would willingly live in one of those Stalinist collectives, unless it's truly the only, last, sole place to escape the proximity of the underclass.  And even then it's a questionable trade off.

No doubt HOAs will be employing this kind of tech to check residents' lawns for unauthorized ornamentation, oil spots on the drive way, etc.  The unsleeping, all-seeing electronic eyes will watch with greater vigilance and malevolence than Sauron himself.

56 Doh.  I think would have been funnier if when out with mom the ad was, "Erectile dysfunction letting you down?  Unable to satisfy?  The cool new accessory......"


See?  Funnier.  Dang it.

57 Hello Meghan, today we have a special offer on full length extra wide mirrors.

58 *smart kiosk spots Orwell* "Now on sale: Vodka by the 50 gallon drum, 500 count bottles of Advil, and inflatable adult novelties! Please press blue button for fingerprint scan to receive in-store coupons."

59 Welcome back, Mr. Yakimoto!

60 "OJ, UltraClean now removes those pesky blood stains"

61

See? Funnier. Dang it.

Posted by: HappyGoLucky at August 25, 2011 02:30 PM (be5IN)

 

Yeah, but the first pass was still pretty good.

62 "Mr. Ghadaffy, order new pics of Condi in lingerie"

63 "President Obama!  We are currently offering a $5.00 rebate on when you buy two or more cartons of Kools.  Also, could we interest you in a breathalyzer?  Or perhaps an inhalator?"

64 60  What blood stains?  I cut myself shaving.

65 "TOTUS, wanna get away?"

66

So if this keeps up the next fasion trend will be masks to foil 'the man'?

(Great, as if you didn't get enough of those stupid Guy Fawkes masks after 'V' for Vendetta...)

67 "Helen Thomas, welcome back!  Copies of Mein Kampf and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion are 35% off today!"

68 Masks won't do it.  Cheek stuffing (watch it.....), ear lobe extenders, chin wattles, these are the new booming industries.

69 When I go to the bait shop to pick up a bottle of Night Train, no amount of advertising is going to compel me to grab a 5lb bag of hobo jerky.

Are people really this impulsive or is it just a means to justify embarrassing customers, because you'd think that could be accomplished for free?

70 "Barack, first edition copies of the Little Red Book have been offered for sale on eBay"

71 Hello Obama Voter, steaming pile of shit on a plate is now 20% off! That's good eatin'!

72 "RedState, sniper rifles available"

73 I'm sure this will be a big hit with people in Witness Protection Programs.

74 Three months after it starts, some enterprising person will offer payable "Opt-outs" from the ads.  Instant trillionaire, then 'bama taxes him.  Debt reduction sol-ved.  See?  It's all a gubermint conspiracy.

75   73 I'm sure this will be a big hit with people in Witness Protection Programs.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at August 25, 2011 02:41 PM (FkKjr)

"We're having a great deal today on shovels and quicklime!"

76

... Are people really this impulsive or is it just a means to justify embarrassing customers, ...

 

*chuckle*

77 I see this as, in practical terms, bringing up the word "annoyance" more often than it does "privacy," though the latter is a more... well, long-term concern, and what we're more likely to think of when not *actually* faced with a row of vending machines yelling at us (and everyone else) in a mall. I mean, autoplaying yelling ads on websites drive me into a rage. Imagine what would happen surrounded by them trying to get to the bookstore or EB. I predict the biggest limitation to this technology, particularly in middle-and-under income areas, will be vandalism (despite the fact that they'll essentially be recording the identities of the people breaking the machines, it will still happen).

78 I predict the biggest limitation to this technology, particularly in middle-and-under income areas, will be vandalism (despite the fact that they'll essentially be recording the identities of the people breaking the machines, it will still happen).

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at August 25, 2011 02:52 PM (bxiXv)

Not if they're wearing my mask!

79

"...we need a comprehensive privacy statute, one that addresses some of the legal fictions that have crept into Fourth Amendment jurisprudence regarding reasonable expectation of privacy."

I could not agree more.  Between the use of commercially-obtained information (both that which you cite and the regular trade in information between parties holding your personal info) and the commenter-cited proliferation of cameras to every phone on the planet, we need to re-examine our notions of privacy.

Almost every company on the planet is requiring its customers to waive their privacy rights with boilerplate releases that allow them to sell your info and use it however they wish.  

I'd prefer to see some self-improvement on behalf of companies rather than a government solution.  If private industry can go ga-ga over "green" BS, why not privacy ?  Why isn't there such a thing as "privacy friendly" investment ala "socially responsible" investment ?  Companies who opted out of the consumer information penny-pinching model could garner publicity and consumer support the same way the green poster-children do.  How about a "Privacy Week," NBC ? 

Sadly, that ain't gonna happen and we'll probably need a regulatory solution at some point.  These "information sharing" consents are all adhesion contracts, so it doesn't exactly strike at the heart of free enterprise to regulate them.   Rather than some unworkable "ban" on information collection/use/sharing, I'd prefer that we allow information sharing as an "opt-in" rather than "opt-out," with those opting in being eligible for some consideration (e.g. discounts, special offers, etc...).  The companies can still benefit, but the consumer's expectation of privacy is honored by being the status quo rather than the exception.

Cameras and video are more complicated.  Restricting their use seems warranted, but it directly conflicts with our notion of free expression and public spaces.  Any proposed solutions that come to mind have too many problems on second thought, so I'm leaving that alone for now, just agreeing that its something we need to think about beyond the ad hoc approach we've taken so far.

 

 

80 Who goes up to a frickin' news-stand? Print is dead.

81 yashmaks for everyone

actually I'm going to put on an ewok mask and see what gets pitched to me

82 @2: I can't believe nobody's pulled this quote out of there yet.

"Obama has done for the economy what pantyhose did for foreplay."

83 Obama keeps getting ads for Q-tips.

84 Hello brewer, Dana perino donkey show live now just $9.99 2 disc DVD.

85

I can just see the hilarity that would ensue if you looked enough like some guy that was a total perv who frequented sex toy shops that the computer thought you were him and started advertising to you as if you were...

 

...With your wife standing right next to you.

Of course, if you got used to it, you could actually have some pretty good laughs.  Go to the store with a co-worker, be all like "hey, check this out, it thinks I'm someone else so it markets some pervy shit to me every time i walk up to it, it is fucking hilarious..."

Oh, wait, maybe...  never mind. 

86 Hah.  Okay, 8z8uV, just one copy.  Then leave me alone.

87
"IllTemperedCur! Albanian midget goat farmer mail-order wenches want to meet you today!"

88 Burka lookin more attractive, here, Boss...

89 How about creating a corn taco shell that is crunchy but doesn't blow all to pieces when you take a bite. Then you will have something.

I'd buy stock in that company. That and the guys that make the Penis Mightier.

90 So, when you walk up to, say, a newsstand, it recognizes your face and cross-references your buying habits. Then it starts hawking K-Y Jelly to you and Val-U-Rite vodka.

In my case, it would likely be groceries and motorcycle stuff.