December 18, 2011

Breaking: Kim Jong-Il Is Dead
— Maetenloch

flaming_skull2a.gif

At least according to twitter reports.

Update: It's now official - according to the AP:

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- Kim Jong Il, North Korea's mercurial and enigmatic leader, has died. He was 69.

Kim's death was announced Monday by state television from the North Korean capital, Pyongyang.

Kim is believed to have suffered a stroke in 2008 but appeared relatively vigorous in photos and video from recent trips to China and Russia and in numerous trips around the country carefully documented by state media.

Reports are that Kim died from "physical fatigue during a train ride". I'm not kidding.

And I guess this blog won't be updating much in the future.

And apparently the slow motion North Korea collapse is even beginning to affect the military which until the last few years had been treated much better than the average people:

It was recently revealed that last month eight North Korean soldiers fled across the China border (near the west coast). The fleeing soldiers were armed and two were killed by other soldiers during the escape across the Yalu River. The six soldiers are still being sought by Chinese police. The escaped soldiers are believed to have bribed the Chinese border guards on the other side of the river to look the other way. This is the largest escape of armed North Korea soldiers and is but one of many reports of poor discipline and plunging morale in the North Korea security forces. From the conscripts in the infantry to the elite secret police there is a feeling of unease and disbelief at how the North Korea police state is falling apart.

Update: To honor Jong-Il North Korea has announced that all lights will be turned off.

enhanced-buzz-30226-1324265564-83.jpg

Oh wait that's how North Korea looks every night.

Posted by: Maetenloch at 06:09 PM | Comments (395)
Post contains 307 words, total size 3 kb.

1 It's breaking news on BBC and Fox.

Posted by: JR at December 18, 2011 06:12 PM (vQXzv)

2 ...buh bye

Posted by: Mark x at December 18, 2011 06:13 PM (ExizH)

3

Good riddance you sadistic sob.

Posted by: scif at December 18, 2011 06:13 PM (TqLxU)

4 So I guess we have NORK Spring to look forward to?

Posted by: sTevo at December 18, 2011 06:13 PM (VMcEw)

5 Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Posted by: theCork at December 18, 2011 06:13 PM (IsLZ7)

6 Finally, some good news.  Let's hope the new psycho in charge over there is slightly less unhinged.

Posted by: Reactionary at December 18, 2011 06:14 PM (jfeoD)

7 one more foreign policy win for 0bama.....

Posted by: chas at December 18, 2011 06:14 PM (xAq1C)

8

Here's what AP has to say:

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- Kim Jong Il, North Korea's mercurial and enigmatic leader, has died. He was 69.

Kim's death was announced Monday by the state television from the North Korean capital, Pyongyang.

Kim is believed to have suffered a stroke in 2008 but appeared relatively vigorous in photos and video from recent trips to China and Russia and in numerous trips around the country carefully documented by state media. The leader, reputed to have had a taste for cigars, cognac and gourmet cuisine, was believed to have had diabetes and heart disease.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information. AP's earlier story is below.

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) - North Korean television announces in a "special broadcast" that its leader Kim Jong Il has died in Pyongyang. He was 69.

Posted by: Anachronda at December 18, 2011 06:14 PM (6fER6)

9 I guess he won't be reprising his roll in Team America 2

Posted by: Ben at December 18, 2011 06:15 PM (UvdzB)

Posted by: Barney's Frank in Freddie's Fannie at December 18, 2011 06:15 PM (XBEWJ)

11 BOMBBOMBBOMBBOMB BOMB BOMB! http://tinyurl.com/3vnxgg

Posted by: Barney's Frank in Freddie's Fannie at December 18, 2011 06:15 PM (XBEWJ)

12 I'm not dead, I'm just really good at planking.

Posted by: Kim Jong-Il at December 18, 2011 06:15 PM (hVFHg)

13 'il got off staring at large vegetables. Creeped Dr. Ruth right out.

Posted by: sTevo at December 18, 2011 06:15 PM (VMcEw)

14 I'm going to head to bed before I begin thinking about the conditions under Kim Dead Motherfucker Jung Cocksucker Il. I won't be able to sleep if I think about it too much. I'll save that for tomorrow.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 18, 2011 06:16 PM (Qjh0I)

15 Bwahahaha!!!  Jester's Kim-Jong Il is dead!!!

Posted by: Maverick at December 18, 2011 06:16 PM (WCQp7)

16

Maybe North Korea can get around to having bullshit elections like the other Communist Dictatorship Cuba now.  Or perhaps they'll end up having bullshit elections like Communist Totalitarian regimes like China and Russia* have.

*Yeah you heard me.

Posted by: buzzion at December 18, 2011 06:16 PM (GULKT)

17 Tree bark soup for all!

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 06:16 PM (GTbGH)

18 Good riddance, ya skeevy little creep. 

Posted by: Peaches at December 18, 2011 06:16 PM (Xroyj)

19

RONERYhttp://tinyurl.com/2vjq5sp


 

Posted by: Barney's Frank in Freddie's Fannie at December 18, 2011 06:17 PM (XBEWJ)

20 http://tinyurl.com/2vjq5sp

Posted by: Barney's Frank in Freddie's Fannie at December 18, 2011 06:17 PM (XBEWJ)

21 America!!!  Hell, yeah....

Posted by: NC Ref at December 18, 2011 06:17 PM (WCQp7)

22 Burn in hell, murderer.

Posted by: Realist at December 18, 2011 06:17 PM (Hu/Da)

23 He's pining for the fiords.

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 06:17 PM (GTbGH)

24 Kim Jong Il, meet ted Kennedy.

Posted by: Satan at December 18, 2011 06:17 PM (yQwq5)

25 In hell, he's not so ronery...

Posted by: Realist at December 18, 2011 06:18 PM (Hu/Da)

26 People say I'm an appeaser.  Ask bin Laden Kim Jong-il if I'm an appeaser.

Posted by: SCOAMF '12 at December 18, 2011 06:18 PM (d88g9)

27 Good.

Posted by: weew at December 18, 2011 06:18 PM (7RbIF)

28 The devil called him home. Burn in Hell.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 06:18 PM (JtI5t)

29 In honor of his passing, a 75 watt light bulb will burn for 15 minutes in the heart of Pyongyang.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at December 18, 2011 06:18 PM (yQwq5)

30

He's playing checkers with Ted Kennedy as we speak.

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:19 PM (u4a/I)

31 Naw, he's not in hell, he's in heaven's psych ward.

Posted by: JR at December 18, 2011 06:19 PM (vQXzv)

32 Madeleine Albright hardest hit. 

Posted by: Theresa loves the Cowboys at December 18, 2011 06:19 PM (nAvCW)

33 Coffee breaks over, Kim.  Back on your hands.

Posted by: beelzebub at December 18, 2011 06:19 PM (GTbGH)

34 ...in five point restraints and sedated.

Posted by: JR at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (vQXzv)

35 What are the odds that Barry will take credit for this during the elections? 

Posted by: Peaches at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (Xroyj)

36 Any news on Erdogan's health?

Posted by: Walter Freeman at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (kqGWM)

37 See, Presdant Obama's policies are working. Everybody says his foreign policy doesn't work...Binladen, Kaddafy and now Kim Jing Ial...Bush never did anything like this !!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vermont at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (Te1S8)

38 Too bad North Korea has to suffer his legacy.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (JtI5t)

39 If you want a good reason to express teh hatred for Little Kim, read up on the Nork concentration camps, where entire families are imprisoned under condition too barbaric to imagine.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (yQwq5)

40 guess we know what god was doing instead of watching the pats broncos today.

Posted by: Big V at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (4a0zv)

41

Team America got him.

Fuck yeah!

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:20 PM (u4a/I)

42 Evil Muunchkin, BEGONE!

Posted by: Ohio Dan at December 18, 2011 06:21 PM (JKNDp)

Posted by: Barney's Frank in Freddie's Fannie at December 18, 2011 06:21 PM (XBEWJ)

44 "physical fatigue during a train ride" Pussy. Next you'll tell me that 18 he shot in golf was a lie, too.

Posted by: Zorachus at December 18, 2011 06:21 PM (v8hZu)

45 The power of high speed rail strikes again.

Posted by: Sheriff Joe at December 18, 2011 06:22 PM (GTbGH)

46 That's one less murderous sadistic son of a bitch in the world.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 18, 2011 06:22 PM (ENKCw)

47 AMF

Posted by: Screwtape at December 18, 2011 06:23 PM (QXiRr)

48 In memoriam, vehicular traffic will disappear from Pyongyang streets for the next three generations.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at December 18, 2011 06:23 PM (yQwq5)

49 Bet Barry sends regrets.  The fuck.

Posted by: Buck Ofama at December 18, 2011 06:23 PM (4sQwu)

50 Saw this on Twitter.  It's terrible, but funny -

"God was too busy killing Kim JOng-Il to help out Tebow. Makes sense."

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 06:23 PM (UR5vq)

51 Didn't a train blow up, sometime back, in what was rumored to be an assassination attempt?

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 06:23 PM (GTbGH)

52 Kim's death means nothing, morons. The entire country is still starving to death. We should invade them and bring food.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 06:24 PM (JtI5t)

53 Wow, He got the best medical care his country could provide.  I'm surprised the superior medical system of a Faso-socialis society didn't help the little twerp live to the average life expectancy of men in the USA. Maby someone slipped him a little rat poison, the little rat.

Posted by: Ohio Dan at December 18, 2011 06:24 PM (JKNDp)

54 Hopefully, it was "Death by Bunga."

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:24 PM (u4a/I)

55 Hmm. Maybe now would be a good time to watch Kimjongilia

Posted by: Anachronda at December 18, 2011 06:25 PM (6fER6)

56 When will the new Chinese puppet be announced?

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 06:25 PM (GTbGH)

57 Meanwhile, breaking news from the North Korean news agency web page: Headgears Popular among Korean Women in Winter Pyongyang, December 14 (KCNA) -- Many Korean women have chosen headgears to wear in winter instead of boa or headscarf. Headgears are made with woolen yarn, leather or overcoat fabric of various colors. Pae Ryon Hwa, a 42-year-old woman living in Pothonggang District, Pyongyang, told KCNA: "I like to wear a headgear. It is better than boa. I look stylish with this headgear. I think it is also good for health. I had used to wear a boa in winter. But it made me sweat and feel choky. So I had caught cold easily. Since I began wearing a headgear, I have felt better." Winter headgear is also economically better than boa or headscarf because woolen yarn for one boa is enough for three headgears.

Posted by: Realist at December 18, 2011 06:25 PM (Hu/Da)

58 I'd write that I hope they grind Il's body into dog food, but that would be an insult to dog food.

Posted by: qdpsteve at December 18, 2011 06:26 PM (JOM6t)

59 An unstable North Korea and incompetent US President. Perfect together?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:26 PM (eCnLg)

60 Let's see what the next psychopath does. I'll bet it will be a grass. Get it? A grass. Grass for breakfast. And grass for dinner.

No grass for lunch.  Cutbacks, you know

Posted by: Steve at December 18, 2011 06:27 PM (xHenH)

61 Now all we need is a radical islamic take over in Egypt. Oh wait.....?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (eCnLg)

62 Hopefully he's enjoying Satan's barbed cock right now

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (AxHOT)

63 Wow, He got the best medical care his country could provide.
 
He imported French docs to treat him after his stroke. I guess he wasn't too confident in the locals.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (ENKCw)

64 I'm still alive.

Posted by: Jeff Goldblum at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (gsmLx)

65 Oh goody,  a nice juicy soul for the banquet.

Posted by: Screwtape at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (O3f8/)

66 Me too.

Posted by: abe vigoda at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (GTbGH)

67 69 is divine!

Posted by: zombie kim jong-il at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (sHY5w)

68 61 An unstable North Korea and incompetent US President. Perfect together?

Probably isn't bad for us, at least for the moment.  There are probably hordes of Norks trying to take advantage of the situation and go into China. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 06:28 PM (UR5vq)

69 Kim Jong-il is getting gang raped by 9/11 hijackers as we speak. Satan told them that he is one of their promised virgins.

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:29 PM (u4a/I)

70 'I witnessed a whole family being tested on suffocating gas and dying in the gas chamber,' he said. 'The parents, son and and a daughter. The parents were vomiting and dying, but till the very last moment they tried to save kids by doing mouth-to-mouth breathing.'  http://tinyurl.com/yebz5a6

Rot in hell Kim, you piece of shit.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at December 18, 2011 06:29 PM (yQwq5)

71 Hopefully, the psychopathic little bastard is getting "Sanduskied" by Satan's barbed cock as we speak .... er, write.

Posted by: Retired Buckeye Cop at December 18, 2011 06:29 PM (M0NzJ)

72 Death has made an unjustified and illegal attack on the leader of a soverign country. I would have done things differently.

Posted by: Ron Paul at December 18, 2011 06:29 PM (ES9R7)

73 Prediction:   Jimm-eh Carter will delivery the eulogy at the state funeral, then fling himself onto the coffin and sob uncontrollably.

Posted by: Jim Sonweed at December 18, 2011 06:29 PM (ULADD)

74 Hopefully, it was "Death by Bunga."

Not bad, but my preference would be via a gasoline-soaked and burning Louisville Slugger (inserted anally), quickly followed by disposal of the body a la Steve Buscemi/Fargo.

Posted by: qdpsteve at December 18, 2011 06:31 PM (JOM6t)

75 Good thing his kids have all these nukes to play with now as a consolation.

Posted by: Facepalm at December 18, 2011 06:31 PM (XECOp)

76 And the world mourns the passing of the greatest golfer the game has ever known

Posted by: killface at December 18, 2011 06:31 PM (BDd0G)

77 Makers of NORK jumpsuits hardest hit...

Posted by: GuyfromNH at December 18, 2011 06:31 PM (kbOju)

78 I wonder if he has hooked up with Amy Winehouse yet?

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:32 PM (u4a/I)

79 Obviously Satan is asking him for tips on his golf swing, after Kim Jong's round featuring 11 holes-in-one.

Posted by: Doc at December 18, 2011 06:32 PM (XECOp)

80   davidfrum With all due respect to Team America, today wd be a good time to remember: Kim Jong Il was not a joke to the people of N Korea

Well, I suppose Mr. Frum is right in this tweet.  People under the boot of a maniacal madman usually don't find a lot to laugh about. 

Posted by: Theresa loves the Cowboys at December 18, 2011 06:33 PM (nAvCW)

81 Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure

Posted by: CarolinaPunk at December 18, 2011 06:33 PM (tUgSx)

82 As much as I'm enjoying this news, it gives me pause. How much chaos is going to descend on North Korea? Will there be streams of refugees heading south? What burdens and dangers will that put on our guys stationed there?

Posted by: UGAdawg at December 18, 2011 06:34 PM (WYOrt)

83 This man was the most evil ruler this unhappy globe has seen since Pol Pot. My prayers for the Korean people.

Posted by: Zimriel at December 18, 2011 06:34 PM (6GvAC)

84 I'd write that I hope they grind Il's body into dog food, but that would be an insult to dog food.

What is "dog food"?

Posted by: Dogs (and people) all over North Korea at December 18, 2011 06:34 PM (d88g9)

85 You're welcome, you ungrateful bitches....

Posted by: Prezident Killah B. at December 18, 2011 06:34 PM (gCa4h)

86 An unstable North Korea and incompetent US President. Perfect together?

Probably isn't bad for us, at least for the moment.  There are probably hordes of Norks trying to take advantage of the situation and go into China. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 10:28 PM (UR5vq)

I have to ask, and smart assery is welcome:

Why don't we invade North Korea? They have it just as bad or even worse as Iraq did under Saddam.

What the fuck?

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 06:34 PM (JtI5t)

87 How dare you knuckledragging conservatards knock the memory of such a glorious and egalitarian leader!! No Capital One rewards checks for you nazis anymore jerks!!!!!1!!

Posted by: Alec Baldwin at December 18, 2011 06:35 PM (JOM6t)

88 Release the giant man-eating pumas!

Posted by: HeatherRadish at December 18, 2011 06:35 PM (hO8IJ)

89 obama will probably use this opportunity to apologize for all the evil America has done in Korean

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:36 PM (eCnLg)

90 Should I look out my window for a double lunar eclipse? or perhaps a double North Star?

Posted by: marc in calgary at December 18, 2011 06:36 PM (a2qJY)

91 88 Why don't we invade North Korea? They have it just as bad or even worse as Iraq did under Saddam. -- You owe my country how much money?

Posted by: Hu Jintao at December 18, 2011 06:36 PM (XECOp)

92 Hitch, Havel, and Li'l Kim.

One of these things is not like the others...one of these things just doesn't belong.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at December 18, 2011 06:37 PM (hO8IJ)

93 I guess this means he doesn't get to do a cameo in the "Red Dawn" remake.

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:37 PM (u4a/I)

94 Dear Leader got a hole-in-negative-three on the golf course, which sucked him into the space-time-golf continuum.

Posted by: North Korean State Television at December 18, 2011 06:37 PM (9F2c1)

95 And, I repeat: it is vitally important that John Flynn's book "While You Slept" be read. This whole mess could have been avoided if China had remained in the hands of Chiang Kai-Shek. And that could have been avoided if we hadn't had, over the 1940s, a State Department and a New York literary elite who were in the bag for Mao.

Posted by: Zimriel at December 18, 2011 06:37 PM (6GvAC)

96 Now watch this drive!

Posted by: Prezident Killah B. at December 18, 2011 06:37 PM (gCa4h)

97 The world just became a little bit nicer place to live.

Posted by: Gmac at December 18, 2011 06:37 PM (nF1NQ)

98 His son and heir Kim Jong Un--the new dictator--is even worse. He's a fat, drunken, sadistic libertine like his dad. Although educated in Switzerland, he avoided all western influence. He already has diabetes and heart disease.

http://tinyurl.com/76f78dg

Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 06:38 PM (5l2tw)

99 I guess this means he doesn't get to do a cameo in the "Red Dawn" remake. Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 10:37 PM (u4a/I) Yeah as if all North Korean's in them gray jump suits don't all look alike to us?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:38 PM (eCnLg)

100 Whee! Something else Obama and Hillary can make worse than imagined.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at December 18, 2011 06:38 PM (DxKBi)

101 Since Obama wants to turn us into North Korea, maybe he can apply for the job opening and take over for Kim?

Posted by: Kansas Gman at December 18, 2011 06:39 PM (u4a/I)

102 Oh DARN, wouldn't you know it? I JUST filled our last vacancy only a few seconds before you showed up, Kim. Fortunately I know a little place down the road you can stay. Way down the road.

Posted by: God at December 18, 2011 06:39 PM (gsmLx)

103
Kim Jong Il's last meal was General Tso's chicken with a side order of hot wings.

Posted by: Doctor Fish ( Posting from Mom's Computer in Texas) at December 18, 2011 06:39 PM (ndqJC)

104 He's a fat, drunken, sadistic libertine like his dad.

Sounds like my kinda guy!

Posted by: Michael Moore at December 18, 2011 06:39 PM (JOM6t)

105 OMG

That'd make a cool bumper sticker.

Posted by: Bomber at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (d88g9)

106 Why don't we invade North Korea?

The Norks have 10,000 artillery tubes withing range of Seoul.

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (GTbGH)

107 So, "enigmatic and mercurial" means "toxic asshole," right?

Posted by: Wm T Sherman at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (NBPbB)

108 Although educated in Switzerland, he avoided all western influence. He already has diabetes and heart disease.

I thought diabetes and heart disease *were* the western influence.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (hO8IJ)

109 He's a fat, drunken, sadistic libertine like his dad. Sounds like my kinda guy! Posted by: Michael Moore at December 18, 2011 10:39 PM (JOM6t) OK now that there is pretty funny

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (eCnLg)

110 This is like when your piece of crap, worthless boss gets fired. You're excited at first and then hopeful until his piece of crap replacement arrives.

Posted by: 29Victor at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (ES9R7)

111 "His son and heir Kim Jong Un--the new dictator--is even worse. He's a fat, drunken, sadistic libertine like his dad." Hey, I resent that!

Posted by: Zombie Nicu Ceaușescu at December 18, 2011 06:40 PM (Hu/Da)

112 Dammit, just when I had the Hell's Worst Dressed award locked up!

Posted by: Moammar Kh/Q/Gaddafi at December 18, 2011 06:41 PM (9F2c1)

113 "Hey, I resent that!" Me too!

Posted by: Zombie Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti at December 18, 2011 06:41 PM (Hu/Da)

114 Kim Jong-il with Amy Winehouse.

Cool comparison.

Really lovely.

Posted by: Mr.Lips at December 18, 2011 06:42 PM (bFNQb)

115 Well I'll sleep well tonight knowing Hillary and obama are in charge?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:42 PM (eCnLg)

116 Will BHO cut into his vacation time to attend the funeral?

Posted by: Brock O'Bama at December 18, 2011 06:43 PM (/WZ6r)

117 And that's the third:

Hitchens
Havel
Jong-il

Posted by: John P. Squibob at December 18, 2011 06:43 PM (kqqGm)

118 Do I hafta say it?

Posted by: Dr. Leonard McCoy at December 18, 2011 06:44 PM (R1+VK)

119
On his first night in hell, Kim plans on hooking up with Cruella Deville.

Posted by: Doctor Fish ( Posting from Mom's Computer in Texas) at December 18, 2011 06:44 PM (ndqJC)

120

Why don't we invade North Korea? They have it just as bad or even worse as Iraq did under Saddam.

Because North Korea doesn't have any oil, silly.  .  I'm kidding, *sarc*.

No, the big reason why we never did anything substantial towards North Korea was because the Norks have China as their patron.  The Chinese do not care much for the North Koreans and frowned on Kim Jong-Ill's "mad dog" behavior, but that still didn't prevent the Chi-Coms from using North Korea to further their own foreign policy goals.

That and there is a big stigma in the US (unwarranted, but still present) against starting another Asian land war. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 06:44 PM (UR5vq)

121 See? My super-train plan will kill all the world's dictators.

Posted by: president o'bumbles at December 18, 2011 06:44 PM (sHY5w)

122

Wonderful news!

Hopefully Kim Jong On will be so reviled that that tormented country will have a chance of normalcy.

Posted by: Palandine at December 18, 2011 06:45 PM (g7D8V)

123 goodbye motherfucker

burn in hell

Posted by: Rick in MB at December 18, 2011 06:45 PM (2ocJB)

124 Will BHO cut into his vacation time to attend the funeral?

Nah, I'll just send an iPad to his kid.  That should cover it, right?

I  mean, it's not like this is gonna be about me or anything and hell, we just got here and everything....

Posted by: Prezident Killah B. at December 18, 2011 06:46 PM (gCa4h)

Posted by: rdbrewer at December 18, 2011 06:46 PM (rj3L+)

126 I packed his face with the concrete we use for emergency shelters. That did shit. I have some Klingon suppositories around here somewhere....

Posted by: Dr. Leonard McCoy at December 18, 2011 06:46 PM (R1+VK)

127 Will BHO cut into his vacation time to attend the funeral? -- Well, we did have a tee time next week, so I can probably make it.

Posted by: Prez BO at December 18, 2011 06:47 PM (XECOp)

128 The world mourns the greatest golfer of all time: http://tiny.cc/cx32q

Posted by: Mr. Right at December 18, 2011 06:47 PM (vE11g)

129 It's so ronery in Hell.

Posted by: Kim Jong-il at December 18, 2011 06:47 PM (GZitp)

130 Let me be clear. I look forward to apologizing to the new Dear Leader, Kim Jong-Un.

Posted by: Barack Obama at December 18, 2011 06:47 PM (2IW5Q)

131 The Norks have 10,000 artillery tubes withing range of Seoul.

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 10:40 PM (GTbGH)

So? Attack them and liberate them! Jesus Christ Almighty! What, are they not worth it? What the fuck?

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 06:47 PM (JtI5t)

132 Guarantee you the brainwashed country is crying their eyes out right now.  I hope theres chaos- a military takeover, anything is better than the way it is now, or most likely will be under pukefuck jr.

Posted by: alidade at December 18, 2011 06:48 PM (xXhWA)

133

That and there is a big stigma in the US (unwarranted, but still present) against starting another Asian land war.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 10:44 PM (UR5vq)

And never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Posted by: Vizzini at December 18, 2011 06:48 PM (ES9R7)

134 I seem to recall the couple of years ago when asshole had his stroke reading reports about the two sons hating each other and both wanting to be the next Leader. Something about the oldest being the official successor but the youngest being more competent (in daddy's eyes) making him the more-likely successor.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 18, 2011 06:48 PM (sHY5w)

135 Actually, how awesome would it be if I send Hillary, just to fuck up her Christmas and shit?

OMG, this is gonna be fucking hilarious!

Posted by: Prezident Killah B. at December 18, 2011 06:48 PM (gCa4h)

136 Time right now to put a bullet in his little bastard son's head. Let's start a civil war there. That'd be an upside in that shithole country.

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 06:48 PM (tiOTz)

137

hmmmm, little kim dies and tebow loses...

Posted by: navycopjoe pawning your ass on MW3 at December 18, 2011 06:49 PM (MedXx)

138 127 Will BHO cut into his vacation time to attend the funeral?

Nah, I'll just send an iPad to his kid.  That should cover it, right?

I  mean, it's not like this is gonna be about me or anything and hell, we just got here and everything....

Posted by: Prezident Killah B. at December 18, 2011 10:46 PM (gCa4h)

Oh right.  That's how BHO likes it.  Probably preloaded with all his speeches with a few Bushes "Axis of Evil" speeches just so they realize how nice how we appease the world's dictators...

Posted by: Brock O'Bama at December 18, 2011 06:49 PM (/WZ6r)

139 So? Attack them and liberate them! Jesus Christ Almighty! What, are they not worth it? What the fuck? Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 10:47 PM (JtI5t) Because so many of the replacement batteries for out cell phones are made in Soul South Korea. Shit what a nightmare

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 06:49 PM (eCnLg)

140 I thought Abe Vigoda would have been the first to go. Bastard (Kim, not Abe)--should have been overthrown by his people.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at December 18, 2011 06:49 PM (V6fqC)

141 Bye Kim! Say hi to Mao and Stalin for me!

Posted by: 5Cats at December 18, 2011 06:49 PM (EbYrW)

142 Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong Un bring modern apartments to the people of North Korea! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDqBWSknlWQ

Posted by: Zombie Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti at December 18, 2011 06:50 PM (Hu/Da)

143

This will make my NORK tongue cleaner collection worth at least 38% more.

Whoopie!

Posted by: Mr. Wonderful at December 18, 2011 06:51 PM (sFhEw)

144 KCNA hasn't made any new updates for the last few days. Damn, I was looking for crossword puzzle solutions.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at December 18, 2011 06:52 PM (V6fqC)

145 Good evening, grass-guzzling slave-arinos! My name's Kim Jong and I'm here to UN-fuck your country! HAW! I slay me! Actually I'll be slaying a bunch of you but who's counting, amirite? You know, this reminds me of a story....

Posted by: Kim Jong Un at December 18, 2011 06:52 PM (gsmLx)

146 I wonder who this is gonna effect my next nuclear weapons and missile order?

Posted by: Iran at December 18, 2011 06:52 PM (eCnLg)

147 Because so many of the replacement batteries for out cell phones are made in Soul South Korea. Shit what a nightmare

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 10:49 PM (eCnLg)

Don't make me say it. You know the right answer.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 06:52 PM (JtI5t)

148 @109 This. I wouldn't want to be in Seoul right now. Norks have a bad habit of transferring their aggressive tendencies when under stress. The South Korean fishing fleet had better stay in port for a few days.

This sure ruins my son's winter break. Kid just finished a major paper on the Kims for a senior geopolitics course. All the fine points are suddenly obsolete. Now I'm starting to get really angry.

Posted by: comatus at December 18, 2011 06:53 PM (N0OTq)

149 Good news. Running out of bad guys. Castro will probably die soon, too.

Who's left? ImADinnerJacket, the Mullahs, Syria's Chinless Dentist, Mugabe (not that he's a threat to anybody by Zimbabweans).

Luckily the Arab Spring is likely producing a new crop of evil Islamic leaders as we speak. In 5 years there'll be a whole new crop of names. Especially in Egypt.

Still, good news. Hopefully N. Korea reforms.

Posted by: Clubber Lang at December 18, 2011 06:54 PM (QcFbt)

150 Reports are that Kim died from "physical fatigue during a train ride".

Wait. What?  Is "train ride" code for something else, like "smoking Chi-coms' poles?

Posted by: Brock O'Bama at December 18, 2011 06:54 PM (/WZ6r)

151 The devil you know.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 18, 2011 06:54 PM (piMMO)

152 ErikW, no humanitarian mission is worth the casualties we'd suffer.  That whole country is a fortress.  And most likely, they're too brainwashed to accept liberation that way.  If North Korea is to be freed, the people (military included) must do it themselves, and  I hope the US would help.  Now is their chance.

Posted by: alidade at December 18, 2011 06:54 PM (xXhWA)

153 154 Reports are that Kim died from "physical fatigue during a train ride". Wait. What? Is "train ride" code for something else, like "smoking Chi-coms' poles? Posted by: Brock O'Bama at December 18, 2011 10:54 PM (/WZ6r) I think that may just be North Korean for "bullet train to the head."

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 06:55 PM (niZvt)

154 The devil you know. Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 18, 2011 10:54 PM (piMMO) I'm counting on it

Posted by: Assad at December 18, 2011 06:55 PM (eCnLg)

155 Is OWS observing a moment of no crapping on Police cars?

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 06:55 PM (R1+VK)

156

122
On his first night in hell, Kim plans on hooking up with Cruella Deville.

Oh shit! Did Pelosi kick the bucket and I just didn't hear about it?

Posted by: Alamo at December 18, 2011 06:56 PM (wQmDt)

157 Reports are that Kim died from "physical fatigue during a train ride". Wait. What? Is "train ride" code for something else, like "smoking Chi-coms' poles? Taking a bullet from a Makarov pistol frequently induces physical fatigue...

Posted by: Zombie Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti at December 18, 2011 06:56 PM (Hu/Da)

158 Welcome to the ONT party at the weekend's end. Only 6 shopping days left before Christmas and don't forget about the open-all-night-including-xmas-eve Rite Aid.

Posted by: corsets at December 18, 2011 06:57 PM (93h37)

159 New stop in the International Cemetery Tour DuUrine.

Sign up sheet at the front desk 

Posted by: ontherocks at December 18, 2011 06:57 PM (HBqDo)

160 Hardly anybody knows about it, but in 1968 the North Koreans tried to assassinate the South Korean president by infiltrating commandos into South Korea to assault the Blue House, the official residence of President Park Chung-hee. A 31-man commando team trained for two years for the mission, which would include killing the president and targeting transportation hubs, TV stations, post offices, police, and military bases in order to cause chaos throughout the country. North Korea would claim that there was a popular uprising under way, and use that as a pretense to invade.

The North Korean commandos managed to infiltrate the country, but when they came across a group of farmers, they tried to indoctrinate them instead of killing them. The farmers pretended to have converted to communism on the spot, and the commandos--being lethal but as naive as children--let them go. The farmers reported them to the military, which beefed up security at the Blue House.

Even so, there ended up being a massive firefight involving American troops. The commandos tried to fight their way back to North Korea, resulting in a running battle that lasted several days. All but one of the commandos were killed, along with 66 South Koreans and three Americans.

http://tinyurl.com/7oql36h

Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 06:58 PM (5l2tw)

161 Oh shit! Did Pelosi kick the bucket and I just didn't hear about it? Posted by: Alamo at December 18, 2011 10:56 PM (wQmDt) Well, if that's the case Ted Kennedy and Kim can make a sandwich!

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 06:58 PM (niZvt)

162 SEOUL, Dec 19 (Reuters) - South KoreaÂ’s military has been put on emergency alert following the report of North Korean leader Kim Jong-ilÂ’s death, Yonhap news agency said on Monday.

Posted by: Zombie Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti at December 18, 2011 06:59 PM (Hu/Da)

163 FAPFAPFAP!

Posted by: I think this is appropriate. at December 18, 2011 07:01 PM (wQ1iq)

164 So? Attack them and liberate them! Jesus Christ Almighty! What, are they not worth it? What the fuck?

Seoul has a population of 10 million people.  The Nork artillery could flatten and poison it before we did anything to prevent it.

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 07:01 PM (GTbGH)

165 Shit I guess this was a bad week to put my name on the volunteer list for call ups ha?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:01 PM (eCnLg)

166 The Nork artillery could flatten and poison it before we did anything to prevent it. Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 11:01 PM (GTbGH) They should have moved Soul 60 years ago

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:02 PM (eCnLg)

167 They should have moved Soul 60 years ago

Word.  Should have made Pusan the capital, or pushed the border further north.

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 07:03 PM (GTbGH)

168

Well, if that's the case Ted Kennedy and Kim can make a sandwich!

Ted will let Kim have first go when Nan arrives.  He already tapped that at one his famous "Scotch required, pants optional" Hyannisport progressive retreats.

Posted by: Alamo at December 18, 2011 07:03 PM (wQmDt)

169 Seoul has a population of 10 million people. The Nork artillery could flatten and poison it before we did anything to prevent it. Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 11:01 PM (GTbGH) Stupidest thing the otherwise intelligent Koreans did was keep their capital in Seoul instead of moving it down south, to Pusan.

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 07:03 PM (niZvt)

170 Jinx!

Posted by: toby928© at December 18, 2011 07:04 PM (GTbGH)

171 Anybody ever notice these little tyrants in some countries are like sharks teeth?  Lose one and another is waiting right behind him to fill in the gap.

Posted by: Ohio Dan at December 18, 2011 07:04 PM (JKNDp)

172 Well, there goes any chance of a Team America II.

Posted by: garrett at December 18, 2011 07:04 PM (FKnN+)

173 Obama shed tears today. This is one despot he didn't get a chance to bow down to.

Posted by: befuddled at December 18, 2011 07:04 PM (xJU23)

174 I would like to think that Christopher Hitchens has formed a one man hit squad on the other side and is knocking off dictators starting with Lil' Kim.  Syria would be a good place to go next.  He owes some people there I think.

Posted by: Voluble at December 18, 2011 07:04 PM (JKX4x)

175 Expect an artillery barrage on a low population area of the south, or something crazy.  The new guy needs to make sure the military is behind him, and to weed out any rubber spines.

Expect a bunch of new 'participation trophies' aka more medals for their childish uniforms for this act.  You gotta love communist countries, the original inventors of the participation trophy.  Little kids with 4 rows of 20 medals on a 5' tall man child haha. Russians always wore all their medals all the time.  Medals for breathing and such.  This unfortunately mutated over here and we've got 2 generations now who think they've helped build the modern world just for breathing.  To their shock, they cannot find a job. nice

Posted by: What a Jerk at December 18, 2011 07:05 PM (bcmD0)

176 On the other hand, I was given an intelligence briefing in the mid-80's in Korea that projected in the event of war, the North would run out of fuel and ammo within about a week. Things have only gone downhill since then. Who knows if all that artillery still even works anymore?

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 07:05 PM (niZvt)

177  If North Korea is to be freed, the people (military included) must do it themselves, and  I hope the US would help.  Now is their chance.

Posted by: alidade at December 18, 2011 10:54 PM (xXhWA)

That won't happen because Obama and the UN are evil Commies as well.

I know we live in the United States but guess what? We're under Communist rule. Ask Eric Holder.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:05 PM (JtI5t)

178 I got Kim Jong-Il, too!

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at December 18, 2011 07:05 PM (FKnN+)

179 At least Christopher Hitchens has some company now.

Posted by: Chesty LaRue at December 18, 2011 07:06 PM (KTtrN)

180 Wow, Hitchens, Havel, and now Kim... Things always come in Threes, as they say.

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 07:06 PM (niZvt)

181 ...seriously, though.  How do we preserve the dictatorship?

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at December 18, 2011 07:06 PM (FKnN+)

182 NEWS FLASH: Kim Jong Il Dead at 69 of syphilis.

Posted by: creeky at December 18, 2011 07:07 PM (EqRki)

183 Ding Dong! Kim Jong is Dead! Drudge brings the funneh.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at December 18, 2011 07:07 PM (V6fqC)

184 I don't know if the North Korean shooting, cycling, golf, equestrian, track and field, swimming, and chess teams can recover from losing their star player.

Posted by: ace at December 18, 2011 07:07 PM (nj1bB)

185 Well damn! That's great news! 1st place in the comment-race and a dictator takes a dirt nap. What a great night!

Posted by: Joffen at December 18, 2011 07:07 PM (J+hi6)

186 Who's the lucky bastard who had Kim in the Death Pool?

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 18, 2011 07:08 PM (rCEvh)

187 186 NEWS FLASH: Kim Jong Il Dead at 69 of syphilis. Posted by: creeky at December 18, 2011 11:07 PM (EqRki) Wicked Witch Flying Monkey Squad, hardest hit...

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 07:08 PM (niZvt)

188

The Nork artillery could flatten and poison it before we did anything to prevent it.

They're even more fearless than Saddam's infamous Iraqi Revolutionary Guard, at least while they were still alive. Oh, Crap. Maybe we should send Obama to negotiate.

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 07:08 PM (tiOTz)

189 The only downside is we can look forward to another speech by teh won.

Posted by: Joffen at December 18, 2011 07:08 PM (J+hi6)

190 Even if the NK people were set free right now they would still be fucked. They are so brainwashed and weak and sick from decades of insanity and cruelty I doubt they could do more than be sad twisted robots for years and years.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:09 PM (R1+VK)

191 Man, I've missed that flaming skull....

Kim Jong Il is dead.

And Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure.

Hope and Change. Was it good for you? Gimme a cigarette.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy at December 18, 2011 07:09 PM (FTHoa)

192 Um, uh, it was a harrowing, er, mission... leading a few corpsemen from Seal Team 6, I snuck onto that NORK train, I strapped ol' Kimmy to an exercise bike, cranked it up to 11, and waited 'til he "expired from fatigue/heat exhaustion." (those jumpsuits don't breathe at all)


Posted by: Barry "Gutsy Call" Obama at December 18, 2011 07:09 PM (7bTty)

193 193 The only downside is we can look forward to another speech by teh won. Posted by: Joffen at December 18, 2011 11:08 PM (J+hi6) Letting Kim die was, uh, ummm... a gutsy call!

Posted by: Barry O. at December 18, 2011 07:09 PM (niZvt)

194 Obama takes credit for death of Kim Jong-Il in 5... 4... 3...

Posted by: Bob_B at December 18, 2011 07:10 PM (FTHoa)

195 Very true, eman. The Norks are more insectoid than human.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at December 18, 2011 07:10 PM (V6fqC)

196 Damn. Who will ever get 18 holes-in-one in one round again? (Well, other than SCOAMF)

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 07:10 PM (tiOTz)

197 I saw Jen Rubin had tweeted the words "evil and dwarflike."  I swear to god I thought she was talking about Newt Gingrich until I remembered Kim Jong-Il had kicked it.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 18, 2011 07:11 PM (hIWe1)

Posted by: rdbrewer at December 18, 2011 07:11 PM (rj3L+)

199 "physical fatigue during a train ride" Ban Trains!!!! They are dangerous!

Posted by: WVU at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (rwioF)

200

I was sent from planet Xiron to conquer the earth
I had a terrific plan — I thought it would work
Tried to get the Earthlings all to kill each other you see
But it all went wrong and now I must decreeÂ…

You are worthless Alec Baldwin, you are worthless Alec Baldwin
You failed in every way and now my stock in you has fallen
Your career is stallinÂ’ and youÂ’re worthless Alec Baldwin
ThatÂ’s why I blew your head off and your children are all bawlinÂ’

Posted by: alidade at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (xXhWA)

201

They are so brainwashed and weak and sick from decades of insanity and cruelty I doubt they could do more than be sad twisted robots for years and years.

How about we give it a shot anyway. Maybe they'll surprise us.

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (tiOTz)

202

Hey! Now everyone can stop paying those royalties to the inventor of the hamburger.

And the entire Japanese film industry can breathe a sigh of relief.

Posted by: Alamo at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (wQmDt)

203 202 Kim Jong-Il's replacement, Chubs Jong-un. Posted by: rdbrewer at December 18, 2011 11:11 PM (rj3L+) Holy Crap, he looks just like his Grandpa!

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (niZvt)

204 Kim Jong-Il's replacement, Chubs Jong-un. Posted by: rdbrewer at December 18, 2011 11:11 PM (rj3L+) That sick fuck looks like he eats babies for breakfast.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (R1+VK)

205 Wolf Blitzer reporting the CIA is having an emergency meeting as we speak? Wonder if anyone even told the CIA he was sick?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:12 PM (eCnLg)

206 Chubs looks like he's already dead himself.

Posted by: CMU VET at December 18, 2011 07:14 PM (TPRSC)

207 It must have been Hans Blix breaking his ...

Posted by: Team America at December 18, 2011 07:14 PM (e8kgV)

208 In the meantime, guess this show's about to be cancelled. (Geez I miss MadTV.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIA-kSzd7-8

Posted by: qdpsteve at December 18, 2011 07:14 PM (JOM6t)

209 How about we give it a shot anyway. Maybe they'll surprise us. Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 11:12 PM (tiOTz) Oh, I much prefer they be free right now, but NK will need decades to become a normal human community. If ever.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:15 PM (R1+VK)

210 They are so brainwashed and weak and sick from decades of insanity and cruelty I doubt they could do more than be sad twisted robots for years and years.

How about we give it a shot anyway. Maybe they'll surprise us.
Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 11:12 PM (tiOTz)

I don't know - the stories I've read about integrating NK defectors into South Korean society are pretty disheartening. The East Germans were an affluent, functioning society in comparison to the Norks, and the German re-unification still took a lot of adjustment.

Posted by: Mætenloch at December 18, 2011 07:17 PM (/IES6)

211 61 An unstable North Korea and incompetent US President. Perfect together? Posted by: nevergiveup

A perfect expression of my trepidation.

Posted by: Dianna at December 18, 2011 07:18 PM (mKMj1)

212 209 Wolf Blitzer reporting the CIA is having an emergency meeting as we speak? Wonder if anyone even told the CIA he was sick?

Probably not.  The real state of Kim Jong Ill's condition was probably a closely-guarded secret and we most likely don't have any spies deep within the Nork command structure.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 07:18 PM (UR5vq)

213 You suppose that if the Norks ever get free, they'll stand in line to piss on Kim Jong's grave?

Posted by: Comanche Voter at December 18, 2011 07:19 PM (3ESDJ)

214 And in other news,  General Francisco Franco is still dead.................

Posted by: morigu at December 18, 2011 07:19 PM (QXzRP)

215 Even if the NK people were set free right now they would still be fucked.

They are so brainwashed and weak and sick from decades of insanity and cruelty I doubt they could do more than be sad twisted robots for years and years.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 11:09 PM (R1+VK)

Oh bullshit. I know you're an atheist and your heart is dead and cold. Why do you even bother?

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:19 PM (JtI5t)

216 Havel and Kim at the gates, Kim is going to get his ass kicked.

Posted by: Jean at December 18, 2011 07:19 PM (tZYm2)

217 To understand what the South Koreans are up against, look up the Battle of Amami-Ooshima, fought in December of 2001 between the Japanese Coast Guard and a North Korean spy ship. The confrontation last six hours and involved the Japanese firing a 30mm cannon at the ship to disable it. The North Korean crew then engaged the Japanese with machine guns and RPGs.

After they'd had enough, the Japanese backed off and raked the ship with cannon fire until it exploded and sank, killing everyone on board. The whole thing was caught on film. It's how North Koreans are trained to fight. They don't give a shit about their lives or anybody else's, and they almost never surrender. War with North Korea will cost hundreds of thousands of South Korean lives and millions of North Korean.

http://tinyurl.com/ccs2ev5

Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 07:21 PM (5l2tw)

218 202 Kim Jong-Il's replacement, Chubs Jong-un.

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

So....we of the Supreme Military Council will now liquidate your fat, drunk and stupid ass!

Let the games for succession to Absolute Power begin!  May the last pissant dine on grass clippings and chinch bugs!

Posted by: NORK supreme Military Council at December 18, 2011 07:21 PM (ULADD)

219 I flushed an extra load, in memory of Kim the Poofy-Haired and Well Fed yet Short ...

Posted by: Arbalest at December 18, 2011 07:21 PM (yySOr)

220 And all this on the day Tebow finally lost? A cowinsidink? I think not

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:21 PM (eCnLg)

221 216 209 Wolf Blitzer reporting the CIA is having an emergency meeting as we speak? Wonder if anyone even told the CIA he was sick?

Probably not. The real state of Kim Jong Ill's condition was probably a closely-guarded secret and we most likely don't have any spies deep within the Nork command structure.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 11:18 PM (UR5vq)

It probably never got coverage on CNN

Posted by: buzzion at December 18, 2011 07:21 PM (GULKT)

222

Hey Barky, the Norks have a job opening for which you are uniquely qualified.

 

Posted by: Jimmah at December 18, 2011 07:21 PM (TMeYE)

223

It probably never got coverage on CNN

lol, ever see "In the Army Now?".  You probably know what scene I'm referring to. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 07:22 PM (UR5vq)

224 I'm sure they will do one of those big fancy parades for him. To bad he didn't DIAF.

Posted by: cvb at December 18, 2011 07:23 PM (HRFxR)

225

I don't know - the stories I've read about integrating NK defectors into South Korean society are pretty disheartening. The East Germans were an affluent, functioning society in comparison to the Norks, and the German re-unification still took a lot of adjustment.

Posted by: Mætenloch

It's sad. It's like the Holocaust survivors who died after being freed from the camps, because they were so f'd up. But if I had a clean shot for a kill on that new MF, I'd still take it knowing it'd be the last thing I did. We don't need that evil outside of Hell.

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 07:23 PM (tiOTz)

226 The CIA probably just briefed Obama, before his 17 day vacation, that this guy was going to live to 100 and was totally stone cold sane.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at December 18, 2011 07:25 PM (ijjAe)

227

lol, ever see "In the Army Now?". You probably know what scene I'm referring to.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 11:22 PM (UR5vq)

I've blocked out most of the scenes from Paulie Shore movies.  So no I don't remember the scene.

Posted by: buzzion at December 18, 2011 07:25 PM (GULKT)

228 Way to go Mossad. You got another one of those bastards.

Posted by: CMU VET at December 18, 2011 07:27 PM (TPRSC)

229 Oh bullshit. I know you're an atheist and your heart is dead and cold. Why do you even bother? Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 11:19 PM (JtI5t) Seriously? You have much to learn, Young Jedi.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:27 PM (R1+VK)

230 Ah fuck it, I'm going to watch 'Elf". I mean I am on the east coast anyway. The worst the North Koreans could do is take out the west coast anyway

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:27 PM (eCnLg)

231 Paulie Shore occasionally bartends in Boston. I've had him serve me drinks, quite surreal really. I asked him about his career and he really didn't want to talk about it.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at December 18, 2011 07:27 PM (ijjAe)

232 It probably never got coverage on CNN --- Whomever was just talking on CNN is making it sound like NK was a burgeoning paradise because of the state-controlled business reforms (such as a new pizza parlor) a-la China, and a celebration for the year 2012.

Posted by: Doc at December 18, 2011 07:29 PM (XECOp)

233 Aaaand North Korea is still going to be hell on earth. Nothing has changed.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:29 PM (JtI5t)

234 Even if the NK people were set free right now they would still be fucked.

Reunification would destroy the South Korean economy if nobody else pitched in. North Korea's per capita income is 5 percent of South Korea's. Some estimates are that the total cost of modernizing the North Korean economy would be about $5 trillion.  The Japanese say they'll pony up about $10 billion. The Chinese provide Pyongyang with only $3 billion a year in trade. They could barely push it up any higher, because they're starting to sink themselves.

Guess who would be asked to pay for reunification, since nobody else will?

Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 07:29 PM (5l2tw)

235

I've blocked out most of the scenes from Paulie Shore movies.  So no I don't remember the scene.

Dang.  It was the part after Shore and them got captured and they were interrogated by the head of the Libyan (?) base.  He said that the base would soon be attacked and only woman in the entourage (dunno her name) asked how he knew.  "American TV". 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 18, 2011 07:29 PM (UR5vq)

236 We would send doctors over to perform free cataract surgery for their seniors and the still sung the praises for the little prick.

Posted by: Ohio Dan at December 18, 2011 07:30 PM (JKNDp)

237 China isn't going to let North Korea out of their sphere of influence so Reunification definitely won't happen.

Posted by: buzzion at December 18, 2011 07:30 PM (GULKT)

238 He's in hell greeting OBL and Khadaffi

Posted by: Trump at December 18, 2011 07:31 PM (hK2Ya)

239

 Paulie Shore occasionally bartends in Boston. I've had him serve me drinks, quite surreal really. I asked him about his career and he really didn't want to talk about it.

No shit?

Posted by: Ohio Dan at December 18, 2011 07:31 PM (JKNDp)

240 We would send doctors over to perform free cataract surgery for their seniors and the still sung the praises for the little prick. Posted by: Ohio Dan at December 18, 2011 11:30 PM (JKNDp) Is that a stereo typical insult about the size of asian dicks?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:32 PM (eCnLg)

241 Seriously?

You have much to learn, Young Jedi.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 11:27 PM (R1+VK)

Okay, go ahead.

 

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:32 PM (JtI5t)

242 Called the “Dear Leader” by his people, Mr. Kim, the son of North Korea’s founder, remained an unknowable figure. Yet he fostered perhaps the last personality cult in the Communist world. He had been grooming his third son, Kim Jong-un, to be his successor. ------ Two guesses which newspaper that was from.

Posted by: Joffen at December 18, 2011 07:32 PM (J+hi6)

243 Look , I really love you guys. But if this whole internet thing has to take a break and maybe we all confront a zombie apocalypse? Yeah, I'm gonna have to heart you all offline for a while. I'll hoist an Ewok flag everyday, and poor out a little for my hobo hunting brethren. Just think of all the stories we'll have to tell each other when the nanobots get us back on line in 5 to 10 years...

Posted by: Max Power at December 18, 2011 07:32 PM (+wxCD)

244 Okay, go ahead. Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 11:32 PM (JtI5t) Specify.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:33 PM (R1+VK)

245 I'll vote this one for the flaming butt plug in his favorite color.
He'll be seeing a lot of this one where he's going...

Guess I'll dust off Team America.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 18, 2011 07:33 PM (Qxdfp)

246

We would send doctors over to perform free cataract surgery for their seniors and the still sung the praises for the little prick.

Because, if they didn't, the regime would pluck their eyes out, along with their parents and childrens eyes, too.

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 07:33 PM (tiOTz)

Posted by: shibumi at December 18, 2011 07:33 PM (z63Tr)

248 Because, if they didn't, the regime would pluck their eyes out, along with their parents and childrens eyes, too. Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 11:33 PM (tiOTz) I think I ordered that soup in a Korean Restaurant once

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:34 PM (eCnLg)

249 Durka Durka Durka Kim Jong Dead Durka Durka

Posted by: Team America at December 18, 2011 07:34 PM (e8kgV)

250 Ruh Roh.

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 07:34 PM (DzX9o)

251 Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 10:58 PM (5l2tw) Don't forget the 1983 Rangoon bombing, where the Norks unsuccessfully tried to kill ROC President Chun, but still killed half his cabinet.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (FIE/L)

252 I bet he felt "ronrey" on that train.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (Qxdfp)

253 @buzzion Maybe, although sometimes I get the impression the Chinese don't even know what crazy ass stunt NK is going to do next. I guess we will all have to find out together! It is like a prize!

Posted by: WVU at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (rwioF)

254 #243, he is a "guest" bartender at a few of the places around Quincy Market. I guess he or his family has an interest in one of the ownership groups and it gives him something to do to.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (ijjAe)

255 Say what you will about him, but he always made huge storms happen. http://youtu.be/z7G_ZgbBzJ4

Posted by: Best birthday gift ever at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (tCZtT)

256

I think I ordered that soup in a Korean Restaurant once

Chili sauce covers up anything.

Posted by: Roy at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (tiOTz)

257 Jong-Il was the devil we knew.

Who is next?

The devil we don't know.

Many assume it will be better.

Don't forget- it could be someone who makes Jong-Il look like Mother Theresa.

Posted by: shibumi at December 18, 2011 07:35 PM (z63Tr)

258 Specify.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 11:33 PM (R1+VK)

Why do you dismiss the existence of God?

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:36 PM (JtI5t)

259 Basically, the NK people would learn their entire nation was an an insane and terrible lie. The recovery from the torture they have suffered would be problematic at best.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:36 PM (R1+VK)

260 Nice train, out in the middle of nowhere.
Nobody around. So cold. So quiet.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 18, 2011 07:36 PM (Qxdfp)

261

Kim Jong-Il -- you worthless piece of dried up, vile dung -- you murdered many people and caused endless misery -- now you can cause no more harm. I'm very happy.

 

 

Posted by: KR1 at December 18, 2011 07:36 PM (dvfft)

262 Don't forget- it could be someone who makes Jong-Il look like Mother Theresa. Posted by: shibumi at December 18, 2011 11:35 PM (z63Tr) Well just for the record, I'd kick both of them out of bed

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 18, 2011 07:37 PM (eCnLg)

263 The CIA and State dept have contingency plans for this moment.  No doubt ranging from full on decapitation strike followed with an invasion of liberation from the south, to doing nothing.  Opt for Obama to do nothing.  I'd bet the damn farm on it.  He's probably curled up in a ball under his desk saying 'why do they do this stuff to me on my vacations?! wahh wahhh'

I wish the w**kie could hold me in her suffocating arms! wahh wahhh

Posted by: What a Jerk at December 18, 2011 07:37 PM (bcmD0)

264

Now who is going to kidnap the good directors from South Korea, feed them grass, and force them to make socialist themed Godzilla movies!

 

No really - http://scoamf.us/p

Posted by: Jimmah at December 18, 2011 07:37 PM (TMeYE)

265 Too bad they're not just going to throw his rotting carcass over a wall or off of a pier. They'll spend enough money to feed half the country for a year sending that dried up piece of shit off.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 18, 2011 07:38 PM (Qxdfp)

266 Say what you will: 

He put the "Kim" in Kimchee.


Posted by: Jim Sonweed at December 18, 2011 07:39 PM (ULADD)

267 Why do you dismiss the existence of God? Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 11:36 PM (JtI5t) I do not. I happen to believe He exists. I have seen no evidence that convinces me of that. It's just a hunch. What I do believe is He has never interacted with humans. Not yet. Furthermore, saying my heart is cold and dead is completely uncalled for.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:40 PM (R1+VK)

268  Paulie Shore occasionally bartends in Boston. I've had him serve me drinks, quite surreal really. I asked him about his career and he really didn't want to talk about it.

My daughter was the front desk supervisor at a hotel where he stayed while in town doing his shows and she said he was a complete prick.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 18, 2011 07:40 PM (piMMO)

269 257 @buzzion

Maybe, although sometimes I get the impression the Chinese don't even know what crazy ass stunt NK is going to do next.

I guess we will all have to find out together! It is like a prize!

Posted by: WVU at December 18, 2011 11:35 PM (rwioF)

Oh yeah.  They are essentially the near feral dog running around in their lawn.  But they aren't going to let anyone else take it away from them.

Posted by: buzzion at December 18, 2011 07:40 PM (GULKT)

270 Now he's a good communist.

Posted by: DanInMN at December 18, 2011 07:40 PM (tfBaT)

271 The real question is will his brat offspring take over, or will one of those general with all those medals (for god knows what) takes over... http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/828/wwwplus613comskoreyabig.jpg/sr=1 Get ready for the future Northeast Korea and the Northwest Korea. Instead of one...Now we have two!

Posted by: WVU at December 18, 2011 07:40 PM (rwioF)

272 New guy up on CNN says don't worry, there will be an election in NK, and KJ-Un may not be the leader. Seriously.

Posted by: Doc at December 18, 2011 07:41 PM (XECOp)

273 Reports of my demise are gweatly egg saturated.

Posted by: Kim Jong Il, Rinning! at December 18, 2011 07:42 PM (DzX9o)

274

The United States is poised to announce a significant donation of food aid to North Korea this week, the first definite accomplishment after months of diplomatic contacts behind the scenes.

An agreement by North Korea to suspend its uranium enrichment programme will most likely follow within days.

Discussions have been taking place since summer in New York, Geneva and Beijing. They have already yielded agreements by North Korea to suspend nuclear and ballistic missile testing, readmit international nuclear inspectors expelled in 2009, and resume a dialogue between North and South Korea, according to US diplomats.

The announcement of the food aid, expected to take place as early as today in Washington, would pave the way for another crucial US-North Korea meeting in Beijing on Thursday.

Posted by: Scotsman at December 18, 2011 07:42 PM (e8kgV)

275 STOP IT with all your cruel jibes!!!  He was like a father to me! 

A creepy, incestuous father with half Ray J's dick, but still.....

Posted by: Kim Kardashian at December 18, 2011 07:43 PM (ULADD)

276 Kim is stunned and the GOP Action Figures will have something super important to say about it pretty darn soon.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:43 PM (R1+VK)

277 New guy up on CNN says don't worry, there will be an election in NK, and KJ-Un may not be the leader. Seriously. Posted by: Doc at December 18, 2011 11:41 PM (XECOp) Kim Jong Un's out?! Kim Jong Un's out?!

Posted by: Don Lemon at December 18, 2011 07:44 PM (FIE/L)

278

*shakes tiny fist of fury (upward) in Maet's direction*

Framing skull?  You give me framing skull?  You just as useress as Arec Bardwin!

 

Posted by: Kim Jong-Il at December 18, 2011 07:44 PM (tQHzJ)

279 I love the AP's description: "mercurial and enigmatic". I can just see how they'd describe other leaders:

Joseph Stalin - "a stern disciplinarian".

Adolf Hitler - "enamoured of eugenicist theories".

Mao Tse-tung - "fond of experiments in economic practice".

Genghis Khan - "a demanding leader".

As T. S. Eliot wrote, "Mankind cannot stand very much reality." And journalists even less so.




Posted by: Brown Line at December 18, 2011 07:46 PM (8nQfE)

280 #272, he seemed full of himself and responded to questions about his career or why he was bartending with a "just relax" or "chill out" line.

I don't think he really ever came to grips with being a C list actor/comedian.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at December 18, 2011 07:46 PM (ijjAe)

281 I can't win for losing.

Posted by: Satan at December 18, 2011 07:46 PM (DzX9o)

282 Two Koreas enter, one Korea leaves... Wonder what Obama will do if the Norks do at atmospheric nuclear test, just to indicate that we shouldn't fuck with them...

Posted by: Zombie Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti at December 18, 2011 07:47 PM (Hu/Da)

283 Posted by: Scotsman at December 18, 2011 11:42 PM (e8kgV) And two weeks after the food aid is delivered......Little Kim holds a press conference "hey, I just had the flu, y'all were just overreacting........but thanks for the food shipments, suckas"

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 18, 2011 07:47 PM (FIE/L)

284

I have seen no evidence that convinces me of that. It's just a hunch.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 11:40 PM (R1+VK)

 

There's you're problem right there. You have no faith.

You don't get it.

Get a Bible and read John 3:16 over and over and over again.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:47 PM (JtI5t)

285 I'm all for reunification as long as they keep the hot traffic cops.  I don't need another fantasy fading away.

Posted by: alidade at December 18, 2011 07:47 PM (xXhWA)

286 Furthermore, saying my heart is cold and dead is completely uncalled for.

Save your cyber-breath. He's an absolute mental patient. He called me a socialist for disputing that the guys on Mythbusters were 9/11 truthers. That led to one of the most surreal, logic-free exchanges I've ever had with anyone. It was like trying to have a discussion with an overflowing toilet. Don't make the same mistake I did in assuming even a modicum of rationality.

Besides, what are the odds that heaven is populated by belligerent, self-righteous assholes like him? I'd say just about zero.

Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 07:48 PM (5l2tw)

287 Who wants to bet China decides the risk to their investment in South Korea is too great and just kills everyone in the north through starvation or weapons testing?

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at December 18, 2011 07:49 PM (ijjAe)

288 PPP Iowa poll: Paul 23 (+2), Romney 20 (+4), Newt 14 (- , Bachmann 10 (-1), Perry 10 (+1), Santorum 10 (+2)

Posted by: Jose at December 18, 2011 07:50 PM (srIqv)

289 Food aid to NK helps NK have a healthy and strong military and police state. Deals to admit inspectors and stop being Bond villains gives NK time and opportunity to do bad things in secret while pretending to reform. All this helps world leaders bullshit us and each other long enough so NK becomes somebody else's problem.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:50 PM (R1+VK)

290 Why isn't our government calling for a North Korea Fall?
Now is the time for all dog food eating people to throw off their collars.

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 07:52 PM (DzX9o)

291 Have to pull out my copy of Team America, as a proper send-off.

Posted by: waelse1 at December 18, 2011 07:52 PM (1M81x)

292 Get a Bible and read John 3:16 over and over and over again. Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 11:47 PM (JtI5t) I don't want faith. Don't need it. It is not for everybody, you know.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:52 PM (R1+VK)

293 Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 11:48 PM (5l2tw) Oh, I see. Noted for future reference.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:53 PM (R1+VK)

295 There's nothing worse than a born again atheist. Well, maybe a shit throwing monkey.

Either/Or

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 07:56 PM (DzX9o)

296 Is an NK civil war in the cards?

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 07:56 PM (R1+VK)

297 284 #272, he seemed full of himself and responded to questions about his career or why he was bartending with a "just relax" or "chill out" line.

I don't think he really ever came to grips with being a C list actor/comedian.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at December 18, 2011 11:46 PM (ijjAe)

I think the only reason he got either is because his parents owned The Comedy Store in LA.

Posted by: buzzion at December 18, 2011 07:57 PM (GULKT)

298 Can't think of this guy without thinking of "i'm so ronery"

Posted by: corner of wall at December 18, 2011 07:57 PM (oZfic)

299 I don't want faith. Don't need it.

It is not for everybody, you know.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 11:52 PM (R1+VK)

That's your choice.

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 07:57 PM (JtI5t)

300 Reports are that Kim died from "physical fatigue during a train ride".

He shouldn't have been pushing the train at his age.

Posted by: Ace's liver at December 18, 2011 08:00 PM (1+XRG)

301 Oh, I see. Noted for future reference.

You'll thank me later. You've already noted how he picked you out and started slagging you for no reason at all. That's what he does. He finds someone and accuses them of being a socialist, a communist, or an atheist, and then he starts vomiting up all the bile that accumulated in him that day.

Or else he's another leftist performance artist doing an impression of a crazed, alcoholic John Bircher. Either way, don't take him seriously, because he just wants to fight.

Posted by: Llarry at December 18, 2011 08:00 PM (5l2tw)

302 Did he eat cantaloupe?

Posted by: corner of wall at December 18, 2011 08:01 PM (oZfic)

303 That's your choice. Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 11:57 PM (JtI5t) Thank you, ErikW. Even though we don't see eye to eye, I shall leave you with this, one of my favorites, “May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 08:03 PM (R1+VK)

304

Remember a few years ago when the Communist press reported that Kim Jong Il went golfing for the first time and got a hole in one on every single hole?

He was really talented.

Posted by: Z Ryan at December 18, 2011 08:03 PM (tsC/8)

305 CNN is seriously funny. I feel bad for laughing while NorKs eat each other. :0/

Posted by: veeka oot seeg at December 18, 2011 08:04 PM (5+1Pg)

306 So who's next in the commie dead pool? Fidel, how you feelin'?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at December 18, 2011 08:04 PM (lhRIu)

307 Kim had the fish.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 08:04 PM (R1+VK)

308 300 Is an NK civil war in the cards?

We should encourage the North Korean People to rise up.
China will continue to 'allow' North Korea to do their (China's) dirty work, most likely on a larger scale.

Obama back-stabbed the Iranian People, so expect nothing more now.

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 08:05 PM (DzX9o)

309 For that matter, how you feelin', George?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at December 18, 2011 08:05 PM (lhRIu)

310 Havel died today too.

Threes?

Posted by: corner of wall at December 18, 2011 08:05 PM (oZfic)

311 Jimmy Carter is inconsolable.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 08:06 PM (R1+VK)

312 We will name starships after Havel and alien diseases after Kim.

Posted by: eman at December 18, 2011 08:07 PM (R1+VK)

313 Kim had the fish. Posted by: eman at December 19, 2011 12:04 AM (R1+VK) Sorry, I don't speak Nork.

Posted by: Barbara Billingsley at December 18, 2011 08:09 PM (FIE/L)

314 Do you like movies about dictators, Timmy?

Posted by: chrissy tingles dick at December 18, 2011 08:13 PM (sHY5w)

315 It's true - towing a train laden with supermodels takes a lot out of a guy! Even if that guy happens to be the kind of guy that invented the hamburger and scored 5 holes-in-one in his first round of golf. May God have mercy on his soul, I guess.

Posted by: Jeopardy Jackson at December 18, 2011 08:14 PM (JxtYi)

Posted by: Truman North at December 18, 2011 08:17 PM (I2LwF)

317

Hey!  They killed Kimmy!

You bastards!

(At least they'll get one more South Park episode out of him....)

Posted by: Butters at December 18, 2011 08:17 PM (1kwr2)

318 The train was powered by Kim Jong Il's heart.

Posted by: Z Ryan at December 18, 2011 08:18 PM (tsC/8)

319 The only thing that's going to save these people is a good old-fashioned military dictatorship, which will try to justify itself by invading the South, which can destroy the Norks in a month or less. Then the SKs can crippled their economy by reunifying with and rebuilding the north and the US can withdraw from Korea and put those troops somewhere useful.

Posted by: joncelli at December 18, 2011 08:18 PM (+MbqG)

320 And goodnight, M&Ms. Monday comes early so get your rest.

Posted by: joncelli at December 18, 2011 08:20 PM (+MbqG)

321 DING DONG, Li'l Kim is dead! Just been waiting for years to say that.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at December 18, 2011 08:22 PM (bxiXv)

322 323 The only thing that's going to save these people is a good old-fashioned military dictatorship, which will try to justify itself by invading the South, which can destroy the Norks in a month or less.
________

Well, I'm slightly more optimistic than you. I believe they could also be saved by civil war.

I just finished watching Kimjongilia, which I've had lying around on my "to watch" pile for a while now. Absolutely brutal stories. Recommended.

Posted by: Anachronda at December 18, 2011 08:22 PM (6fER6)

323 I'm late, but, F'n A!  Glad to read the news....  

Posted by: Yip in Texas : OMG at December 18, 2011 08:25 PM (Mrdk1)

324

@278

It took a while, but I fixed the article:

 

The United States is poised to announce a significant donation of food aid to significantly improve morale for the North Korean military this week, the first definite anti-accomplishment after months of diplomatic contacts leading from behind the scenes.

A mock agreement by North Korea to suspend its uranium enrichment programme will most likely follow within days and last until the food runs out.

Discussions have been taking place since summer in New York, Geneva and Beijing. They have already yielded agreements yet again by North Korea to suspend nuclear and ballistic missile testing until just after the food delivery, readmit international nuclear inspectors expelled after the food ran out in 2009, and resume a pointless dialogue between North and South Korea, according to US diplomats.

The announcement of the food aid to military and political leaders, expected to take place as early as today in Washington, would pave the way for another crucial US-North Korea meeting in Beijing on Thursday.

Posted by: Jimmah at December 18, 2011 08:27 PM (TMeYE)

325 There is a line of succession, someone just as crazy will take Junior's place.

Posted by: Jerry at December 18, 2011 08:28 PM (4SKYj)

326 Read the first 200 comments...Has anyone called dibs on the porn stash yet?

Posted by: Methos is concerned at December 18, 2011 08:29 PM (sOXQX)

327 Read... comments...?

Posted by: Truman North at December 18, 2011 08:33 PM (I2LwF)

328 Porn stash?   Never heard of them...

Posted by: Charles Gibson at December 18, 2011 08:33 PM (Mrdk1)

329

FOX is reporting he died of a massive heart attack. Massive!

Posted by: Jimmah at December 18, 2011 08:35 PM (TMeYE)

330 Read... comments...? Posted by: Truman North at December 19, 2011 12:33 AM (I2LwF) Dude.

Posted by: Mr. Breitbart, in the study, with the Iphone at December 18, 2011 08:38 PM (FIE/L)

331 Massive as in... say... ecto-chest-o/Alien birth explodey? ie, veins and blood and chest heaving...  oh wait,.. plenty of time for that in internal damnation.  Enjoy Hell you piece of shit..  you're going to hate Wednesdays...

Posted by: Charles Gibson at December 18, 2011 08:38 PM (Mrdk1)

332

oops... sock/off

 

...ditto what Charley said..

Posted by: Yip in Texas : OMG at December 18, 2011 08:39 PM (Mrdk1)

333 Kim Jong Il died of starvation. Poor Seoul.

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 08:42 PM (DzX9o)

334 In other news... Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

Posted by: Chevy Chase at December 18, 2011 08:45 PM (j+Izh)

335 Read the first 200 comments...Has anyone called dibs on the porn stash yet?

The competition to gain possession of a stack of photos of Auschwitz-thin lady comrades with bald patches and blue overalls will be intense.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at December 18, 2011 08:46 PM (yQwq5)

336 330 Read the first 200 comments...Has anyone called dibs on the porn stash yet?
_____

One presumes that his porn buddy has it covered.

Posted by: Anachronda at December 18, 2011 08:46 PM (6fER6)

337 Rest in peace ?  Nah.  Roast in Hell.

Posted by: JBintheOB at December 18, 2011 08:50 PM (Q1ey0)

338 And the pwot frickins.

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 08:52 PM (DzX9o)

339 North Korea?

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at December 18, 2011 08:54 PM (FcR7P)

340 damn...  I need to set up a porn buddy pronto..

Posted by: Yip in Texas : OMG at December 18, 2011 08:56 PM (Mrdk1)

341 Fortunately, the looking-at of things continues:

http://kimjongunlookingatthings.tumblr.com

Posted by: Dirt McGirt at December 18, 2011 08:57 PM (hGxbj)

342 North Korea - The Other Korea

Posted by: North Korea Bureau of Tourism and Trade slogan at December 18, 2011 08:59 PM (j+Izh)

343

I think I'll have to have another celebratory Kim Ill is dead beer...  who's with me?

Posted by: Yip in Texas : OMG at December 18, 2011 09:04 PM (Mrdk1)

344 10 million? You're a lightweight here.

Posted by: Mao Sees Dung in hell at December 18, 2011 09:09 PM (j+Izh)

345 FOX is reporting he died of a massive heart attack. Massive!

The largest heart attack in the history of the world, more amazing was he never had a heart attack before. Set the world record on his first one.

Posted by: Nork Media at December 18, 2011 09:09 PM (GZitp)

346 "And to my BFF Madeline, I leave my Michael Jordan autographed (and slightly poop stained) basketball."

Posted by: Kim Jong Il's last will and testimonial at December 18, 2011 09:16 PM (j+Izh)

347 The competition to gain possession of a stack of photos of Auschwitz-thin lady comrades with bald patches and blue overalls will be intense.

Er, I didn't consider the possibility that the stash was 'internally generated,' but figured that he was using his counterfeiting operation to secure supplies from abroad.

Posted by: Methos is concerned at December 18, 2011 09:16 PM (sOXQX)

348 Hopefully, the CIA poisoned his whiskey.

Posted by: Seth at December 18, 2011 09:17 PM (DzX9o)

349


And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at December 18, 2011 09:27 PM (3wBRE)

350 I am sad to hear of the death of one of the greatest Executive golfers of all time.  Prime Minister King Jong-Il stunned the world with his score of 37.  I bowled the same in sympathy with that great leader and expert golfer.  He will be greatly missed.  No one could even come close to his stupendous feats - though I just shot a 43, myself, the other day ... but enough about me.  I mourn the death of the little duffer, extraordinaire.

Posted by: King Barry at December 18, 2011 09:29 PM (X3lox)

351 Seems all we know of KJ Un per cnn is he's in his late 20s and likes basketball. What's their source? His plentyoffish profile?

Posted by: Doc at December 18, 2011 09:34 PM (XECOp)

352 Wait, are we still allowed to be okay with the death of Communist shitwagons? I thought after all the Hitchens ball-licking this weekend that might have gone out of style.

Posted by: Waterhouse at December 18, 2011 09:37 PM (EVsi9)

353 Stop your Stalin, the devils callin'. I hope Satan is working kim's Squeekhole over with a hot metal poker at this moment. It couldn't happen to a nicer chubby.

Posted by: Mr Fever Head at December 18, 2011 09:39 PM (SzAZ7)

354 Seems all we know of KJ Un per cnn is he's in his late 20s and likes basketball. What's their source? His plentyoffish profile? Posted by: Doc at December 19, 2011 01:34 AM (XECOp) I suspect it's like the old rumors that Andropov loved American bebop jazz......in other words, bullshit.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 18, 2011 09:39 PM (FIE/L)

355 It was inevitable.

Posted by: The puppet strings of Death at December 18, 2011 10:10 PM (RDri2)

356

They are so brainwashed and weak and sick from decades of insanity and cruelty I doubt they could do more than be sad twisted robots for years and years.

OWS ?  Californians ? 

Oh, North Koreans.  Soz...

Posted by: SocietyIs2Blame at December 18, 2011 10:16 PM (yK8YH)

357 359 It was inevitable. Posted by: The puppet strings of Death at December 19, 2011 02:10 AM (RDri2) I think you mean "ineverabur."

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at December 18, 2011 10:20 PM (bxiXv)

358 PS to AP: Calling Li'l Kim, mass-murdering domineering psychopath, "mercurial," is practically a compliment. i.e., stick with "mass-murdering psychopath."

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at December 18, 2011 10:22 PM (bxiXv)

359 Damn trains.  Arrec Barrwin told me not to take the airplane - and IO died on the train.

Posted by: How Ill? Jong-Il! at December 18, 2011 10:30 PM (azwm2)

360 On behalf of the United States, I would like to apologize to The Democratic Republic of North Korea - a model the nasty United States could follow - for whatever evil deeds we have done to cause the death of their Great Leader.  He will be missed.

Posted by: King Barry at December 18, 2011 10:44 PM (X3lox)

361 There are so much to learn from your post here, Uma, well done.

Posted by: The World of Downton Abbey ePub at December 18, 2011 10:45 PM (ZQkIP)

362 We pray for the day when yellow will be mellow.  Be mellow, guys.

Posted by: Reverend Joseph Lowery at December 18, 2011 10:48 PM (X3lox)

363 train trauma?  What a fucking easy way for that douche to go.  I was hoping he would suffer 2nd degree burns on his entire body.  While his wounds are still oozing someone cold wrap his entire body in dry gauze and wait for about 2 days until his body is one entire scab.  NK citizens could then take turns ripping off pieces of the scab and spraying him with vinegar.  After he dies from severe shock from the pain they could feed him to some hungry dogs.  They could feed him to dogs even if he managed to live.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at December 18, 2011 11:26 PM (61yvg)

364 The "You are Worthless Alec Baldwin" You Tube clip really works well today.

Posted by: EBL at December 18, 2011 11:51 PM (UwxZ1)

365 Goo-bye krewl woorld! Neva wonce we see eye-to-eye!

Posted by: Lil' Kim at December 19, 2011 12:36 AM (pkQdU)

366 Ah, I said a few days ago that crowing over someone's death should be reserved for someone who is truly despicable.

Guess what........caw, caw, caw

Posted by: Vic at December 19, 2011 01:53 AM (YdQQY)

367 Why is Fox showing the "crying and moaning" in he streets w/o comment? Anyone who doesn't know this is scripted BS is insane.

Posted by: Vic at December 19, 2011 02:05 AM (YdQQY)

368 Occasionally, I'll find a moonbat who posts the old lefty meme that "anyone who advocates limited government should move to Somalia". Total and utter bullshit. But when I would reply that maybe they should move to a lefty utopia like North Korea or Cuba,....well, that's an UNFAIR ARGUMENT.

Posted by: Damn Sockpuppet at December 19, 2011 02:09 AM (dIHHd)

369 How is our SCOAMF gonna screw this one up?

Posted by: Ed Anger - Certified Kos Kid at December 19, 2011 02:26 AM (7+pP9)

370 First Hitchens, now Kim. Can there be a happier week? Don't think so!

Posted by: Juicer at December 19, 2011 02:34 AM (7FA+I)

371 Kim is now a Good Commie.

Posted by: Delayna at December 19, 2011 02:43 AM (Vpydg)

372 I'd like to dance on a dictator's grave. Am I at the right place?

Posted by: Joffen at December 19, 2011 02:46 AM (zLeKL)

373
Sheriff Joe Biden and Dr. Jill "Just Call Me Doctor" Biden will attend the state sponsored funeral.  The Sheriff will provide diplomatic comic relief to the somber masses, while Dr. Biden passes out penis shaped lollipops and Get Out of Jail Free cards to the adoring masses. 

Vice President Biden will show America's support for North Korean reforms by gifting Jack Daniels Black Label and Trojan extra small prophylactics. Sheriff Biden will announce the opening of the first Ho Jo's next to General Tso's Dim Sum in Pyongyang.

Posted by: Doctor Fish ( Posting from Mom's Computer in Texas) at December 19, 2011 02:55 AM (ndqJC)

374 I heard he died after the shot an 18 for 18 holes of golf.  He was set upon by 100 ninjas.  He defeated all of them single-handedly.  He then made it to a lab where he created a cure for cancer.  Then, he slept with 25 women in a row.  Next, h was struck by lightning but it only singed his hair.  Finally, he was done in when he ate a bad clam.

Posted by: Zombie John Gotti at December 19, 2011 02:59 AM (xUI0P)

375 Kim Jong Il: "I shall evacuate the cities of Hell and send every burning, anguished soul to the fields!" Pol Pot: "Too late." Kim Jong Il : " I shall set up a fiery ring of Hell gulags in which to starve and torture millions of my political enemies!" Joe Stalin: 'Too late." Kim Jong Il: "I shall unleash war in Hell that engulfs millions, and commit unspeakable atrocities on all who I consider beneath me!" Adolph Hitler: "Too late." Kim Jong Il: "I guess I'll just have a Coke then."

Posted by: Kim Jong Il in Hell at December 19, 2011 03:03 AM (ucERL)

376 Kim Jong Il : "I shall send thousands of foul smelling hippies to occupy the streets of hell, making even the staunchest demons flee in terror!" SCOAMF: "Too late."

Posted by: Juicer at December 19, 2011 03:28 AM (7FA+I)

377 Dante's conception of Hell is where he should burn.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 19, 2011 03:32 AM (Gk3SS)

378 Hey, North Korea... you're welcome!

Posted by: Barry O. in a Reaganesque moment at December 19, 2011 03:44 AM (U0mV0)

379 Hans Brix inconsolable.

Posted by: LCDR M(Ret) at December 19, 2011 04:24 AM (u1t4T)

380

Kim Jong Il, North Korea's mercurial and enigmatic leader, has died. He was 69.

I'm sorry, 'mercurial and enigmatic'? I realize the AP and other bastions of journalistic integrity strive to maintain just that exquisite balance of absolute objectivity, but describing a monstrous tyrant as 'mercurial and enigmatic' is a bit much, unless by 'mercurial' they mean 'batshit crazy murderous psychotic,' and by 'enigmatic' they mean 'who would kill hundreds on a whim'.

I think the media and academe is going to defer to Kim Jong Il and portray him as a less sinister figure than he actually was--in much the same way historians and the press refer to and defer to Mao Zedong, who murdered more people in a week's worth of work than the Nazis could exterminate in a year. I can't tell if this kind of semantic dancing is done because Kim and Mao were communists, and the journalism/professorial class view communists as somehow less evil because they're admirers of Marx, or because the moral relativism to which they ascribe doesn't recognize the concept of evil in the first place.

Posted by: troyriser at December 19, 2011 04:35 AM (vtiE6)

381 I'd say this one goes in the 8th circle, maybe 10th ditch, but at least the 5th.

Posted by: pie-en-argent at December 19, 2011 04:55 AM (LbwgI)

382 I just got into my office, and of course checked out AOS for my morning fix.   I saw the Flaming Skull, read the title, and knew the comments would start my day of right. 

And as usual, I wasn't disappointed.  I am humbled by the comment-fu and sock-puppet wizardry of the Moron Horde.

Posted by: RightWing Prof, managing partner, Bacon & Cleavage LLC at December 19, 2011 05:15 AM (UOcNk)

383 They're saving electricity. That's like not building dirty coal burning power plants. That's what we want America to look like. Now excuse me I've got to catch a train back to Scranton.

Posted by: Santa Sherriff Joe Biden at December 19, 2011 05:31 AM (MQuwJ)

384 Hitler: "So, you hear the news?" Stalin: "Yah, that little crazy bastard Kim will be joining us." Hitler: "You know what that means, right?" Stalin: "Yah, karaoke night every Tuesday." Hitler: "This place is really going to hell."

Posted by: Hitler and Stalin in Hell at December 19, 2011 06:05 AM (ucERL)

385 306 Did he eat cantaloupe?

Posted by: corner of wall at December 19, 2011 12:01 AM (oZfic)

 

Chicom dog food...it's a delicacy in NORK.

Posted by: torabora at December 19, 2011 06:16 AM (MQuwJ)

386 I win! I'm not dead yet. I feel happy. I feel happy!

Posted by: fidel castro at December 19, 2011 06:21 AM (sHY5w)

387 Mmm. Chicom dog food.

Posted by: homer simpson at December 19, 2011 06:22 AM (sHY5w)

388

CONGRATULATIONS!  You have been assigned a room-mate.

Sincerely,
Mgmnt.

Posted by: a note left on the rock Hitchens uses as a pillow at December 19, 2011 06:30 AM (F26eZ)

389 So, where's the "Is Dear Leader in Hell?" thread?

Posted by: Chuckit at December 19, 2011 07:02 AM (dBM/B)

390

I have to ask, and smart assery is welcome:

Why don't we invade North Korea? They have it just as bad or even worse as Iraq did under Saddam.

What the fuck?

Posted by: ErikW at December 18, 2011 10:34 PM (JtI5t)


They have nukes.

We have Obama.


Posted by: An Observation at December 19, 2011 07:16 AM (ylhEn)

391 "Oh wait that's how North Korea looks every night."

Keep laughing, this is how our environazi's want the US to look every night.

Posted by: DJW at December 19, 2011 07:24 AM (g0ylv)

392 The good thing about the resort in hell?  They're never overbooked and always have a room for newcomers.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 19, 2011 07:33 AM (5dzLI)

393 ....waiting for obama to give ol' pumpkin head a public knob slobbing in 3..2...1


Posted by: Berserker at December 19, 2011 07:55 AM (FMbng)

Posted by: Mudshark at December 20, 2011 09:02 AM (CRDXw)

395

air filter,oil filter,water filter,all filter

www.genset-china.com

Posted by: kadin at December 21, 2011 03:22 AM (wOHIa)

Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.
247kb generated in CPU 0.1357, elapsed 0.3265 seconds.
64 queries taking 0.2692 seconds, 523 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.

Support





Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact

Change the At to "@" and the DOT to "."




Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Search Thingy



Archives

Monthly Traffic

  • Pages: 8654
  • Files: 179
  • Bytes: 224.0M
  • CPU Time: 9:35
  • Queries: 248824

Content

  • Posts: 22824
  • Comments: 5953260

Feeds


RSS 2.0 Atom 1.0