Ace of Spades HQ

August 25, 2011

BUMPED: Rhode Island Moron Meetup CANCELLED.
— LauraW

Will Be Rescheduled

ABOVE THE POST UPDATE.

Party cancelled. Sorry.

Even though the storm won't hit until Sunday, most everybody is going to be using Saturday prepping for several days without power, or mitigating the effects of a possible flooding.

A party is nice, but having dry clothes, ice, and good food, and pumping the water out of your basement is better, in the long run.

Again, sorry guys! We will reschedule. And hey! September/ October on Newport is more fun, anyway. Fewer witnesses.

__________________________________
Original post:
Possible Cancellation

If Hurricane Irene wants to be difficult this weekend, she'll be difficult.

There's no talking to an angry storm. We just have to wait her out.

Too early to tell, but keep your eyes open for updates or a reschedule plan.
BAH.

Sucks.

Pull in your lawn chairs and stuff. Prepare for loss of power. Beer, charcoal, batteries, beer, candles, booze, gas, beer, etc.

Bungee cords. Forceps. A large sheet of vinyl. Thirty feet of 1/2" clear tubing. A dead rabbit, two pairs of black pantyhose, a quart of corn oil, a large pumpkin, and a fully charged cordless drill with a size-variety of wood boring bits.

You will need these things. Survival is the word. And, undetectable perversion in early natural darkness. Those are also. Some words.

But anyway, the storm might cancel the RI Meetup. Stay handy to this site for updates, please, thanks.

Posted by: LauraW at 08:04 PM | Comments (94)
Post contains 247 words, total size 2 kb.

1 and a hunnert or more hobos find themselves cheering a storm across the goal line.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at August 24, 2011 07:56 PM (PjVdx)

2 Will there be Pie?

Posted by: Retired Geezer at August 24, 2011 07:58 PM (hNmNQ)

3 You guys can always come to Savannah. I'll put up any overflow in the garage. Srsly.

(I've got a wild boar haunch to cook, should feed two or three hungry morons.)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:00 PM (UOM48)

4 mmmmmmm... boar.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at August 24, 2011 08:02 PM (PjVdx)

5 And don't forget the masks. Dick Cheney masks. And duct tape.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:02 PM (UOM48)

6 *is busy lining a pumpkin with a rabbit fur*

Posted by: lauraw at August 24, 2011 08:04 PM (DbybK)

7 6 *is busy lining a pumpkin with a rabbit fur*

Posted by: lauraw at August 25, 2011 12:04 AM (DbybK)

Whaa....no hobo shell to line?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:05 PM (UOM48)

Bungee cords. Forceps. A large sheet of vinyl. Thirty feet of 1/2" clear tubing. A dead rabbit, two pairs of black pantyhose, a quart of corn oil, a large pumpkin,

I called that my "first date kit."

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at August 24, 2011 08:06 PM (2wKsS)

9 Damn. My first political get-together in New England since the time I challenged the MA attorney general (Scott Harshbarger) in a public meeting over his (badly flawed) interpretation of the lawful use of deadly force in the Commonwealth, and it turns out the get-together is going to be cancelled over some wimpy downpour. Argh. (Yes, you heard, me . . . argh.) Oh well . . . if so, let me know about the next time. I guess. Fwamp.

Posted by: Boston12GS at August 24, 2011 08:07 PM (KYtbw)

10 *Someone* forgot the firecrackers. The big, 'spodey ones.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:07 PM (UOM48)

11 8

Bungee cords. Forceps. A large sheet of vinyl. Thirty feet of 1/2" clear tubing. A dead rabbit, two pairs of black pantyhose, a quart of corn oil, a large pumpkin,

I called that my "first date kit."

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at August 25, 2011 12:06 AM (2wKsS)

My husband called that our Honeymoon.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:09 PM (UOM48)

12 Whaa....no hobo shell to line?

Too early for hobo season. The migration hasn't started, and they still have a month or two to fatten up for good sausage.

Posted by: lauraw at August 24, 2011 08:10 PM (DbybK)

13 Not cancelled yet, Boston12GS. We're on standby.

Posted by: lauraw at August 24, 2011 08:12 PM (DbybK)

14 The hobo migration could well be thwarted by Irene. I predict an accumulation around the Southeastern states. We're already filled up in certain Savannah squares. They're particularly healthy and fat this time of year.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:15 PM (UOM48)

15 If you're shuttering your windows with plywood, use two layers instead of one to protect against flying projectiles (the insurance companies calls them missiles).

Posted by: John P. Squibob at August 24, 2011 08:20 PM (9waAa)

16
Dang. Going to RI was the wee little bright spot in my 2-week stint out here. Oh well - we'll always have Paris.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:25 PM (MmrCa)

17 In all seriousness, East Coast morons, be safe. We here in the coastal states of the SE, and I'm sure the Gulf States, know what hell on earth is when everything you own is wiped off the planet. Lives are worth more than stuff (and as I type this, I look around the house I love, filled with all my family's history and things (family being dead and all).

Prayers for you morons in harm's way.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:25 PM (UOM48)

18 We'll always have Nueva Laredo.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at August 24, 2011 08:28 PM (PjVdx)

19
filled with all my family's history and things

Nice euphemism for that shrunken head collection.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:30 PM (MmrCa)

20 Please click on all AOSHQ advertisements.

Posted by: Not a shameless plug at August 24, 2011 08:31 PM (WCm02)

21 IT'S NOT CANCELLED YET, GUYS.

Standby.

Stand, by.

Jeez.

Posted by: lauraw at August 24, 2011 08:32 PM (DbybK)

22
I propose an online mass suicide 'cuz lw canceled the meetup.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:33 PM (MmrCa)

My husband called that our Honeymoon.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 25, 2011 12:09 AM (UOM4

Pictures?

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at August 24, 2011 08:34 PM (2wKsS)

24
I propose an online mass suicide 'cuz lw canceled the meetup.

We'd better hurry and do it while we all have working internet connections.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:34 PM (MmrCa)

25 20
filled with all my family's history and things

Nice euphemism for that shrunken head collection.

Posted by: geoff at August 25, 2011 12:30 AM (MmrCa)

You idiot, it was the shrunken dick collection.

*oops*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 24, 2011 08:35 PM (UOM48)

26 Bob. I remember Hurricane Bob. He toppled our huge, beautiful Weeping Willow that I climbed in as a child, and which had previously survived Hurricane Gloria.

Bob was a dick to do that.

Posted by: lauraw at August 24, 2011 08:36 PM (DbybK)

27 I knew you liked that stupid tree.

Posted by: Bob at August 24, 2011 08:37 PM (2wKsS)

28
You idiot, it was the shrunken dick collection.

Oh. That's why everybody was laughing at the size of your collection.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:37 PM (MmrCa)

29
This is just a Holiday Inn wife swap hot tub gropefest, right?

Not really. There's some serious decadence and debauchery involved as well.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:38 PM (MmrCa)

30 all my friends said they might go to the meetup, except they don't like people who wear deodorant.

Posted by: insanely curious at August 24, 2011 08:40 PM (UOM48)

31 Bob Dole knows a little secret about making weeping willow trees stand extra erect.

Posted by: Bob Dole at August 24, 2011 08:40 PM (2wKsS)

32
all my friends said they might go to the meetup, except they don't like people who wear deodorant.

If they just stand really close to laura, they'll be fine.

Posted by: geoff at August 24, 2011 08:43 PM (MmrCa)

33 You guys can always come to Savannah. I'll put up any overflow in the garage. Srsly.

Is the Inaugural Savannah Rock N' Roll Marathon this November 5 sold out?

I wonder.

Posted by: Mister Christopher at August 24, 2011 08:53 PM (cjGZv)

34 We've got oak trees in the yard that have me concerned. I don't care if Irene wants to take them to Oz, I just don't want them dropped on the house.

Posted by: fluffy at August 24, 2011 08:53 PM (4Kl5M)

_ixnay.

The humpbacked camelrider speaks gibberish in the bedroom.

_{pass it on}

Posted by: The Great Satan's Ghost at August 24, 2011 09:02 PM (08Pe8)

Could you just stop it? Every adult knows there's no such place as Rhode Island. You reach a certain age and realize that the dime that replaced your fallen-out tooth under the pillow was actually left by your parents, not the Rhode Island Fairy. Peter Pan and the Lost Boys did not live in Rhode Island, they never existed at all. Look at a map of the United States. Where is Rhode Island? Nowhere. Count up all the states on the map and you reach 50. No need for Rhode Island to round out the number.

I'm sorry. Truly I am. We would all like to believe in the mythical "smallest state of all." Back when I was humping queen-size sleeper sofas up four flights of stairs in walk-up apartment blocs in Prince Georges County Maryland, in 90% humidity in July and August, I would often dream of being transported to Rhode Island where I could live like a king, all glory, high pay, easy money, no work. But it's a mirage. It's the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Just let it go. For God's sake, just let it go.

Posted by: Wm T Sherman at August 24, 2011 09:10 PM (C0Z3w)

37 >>>Bungee cords. Forceps. A large sheet of vinyl. Thirty feet of 1/2" clear tubing. A dead rabbit, two pairs of black pantyhose, a quart of corn oil, a large pumpkin, and a fully charged cordless drill with a size-variety of wood boring bits. You always know just what to say to get me in the mood.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at August 24, 2011 09:42 PM (GE1+K)

38 What a bunch of pussies! _{No offense to those of you bitches who take offense at every little thing - don't get sand in yer vee-jay-jay over it, mmmkay?}

I remember the night before Camille hit in 1969, I was watching the news report from the Gulf and they interviewed these college kids who had rented the top floor of an oceanfront hotel (the staff evacuated) and intended to stay for an all-night Hurricane Party. Must have been 30-40 of them, partying hard for the cameras.

The next day, the hotel was gone. No survivors.

They were stupid and they are dead, but they weren't pussies.

Jus' sayin' . . .

Posted by: Adjoran at August 24, 2011 10:44 PM (VfmLu)

survival is diffclut. one day there is no BMW E39 car DVD player, so I get lost. what a pity.

Posted by: car DVD GPS at August 24, 2011 11:11 PM (CdLt+)

40 No blow up sex doll?

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at August 25, 2011 12:39 AM (2xclE)

41 Cause I've heard those double well as a personal flotation device.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at August 25, 2011 12:44 AM (2xclE)

42 No Anti-Zombie Shotgun and extra shells, or is that just a given in the standard survival gear?

Posted by: Picric at August 25, 2011 02:10 AM (2HdR8)

43 hmm.. I blame the Vast Republican Weather Destruco Generation Device.

Posted by: maloderous at August 25, 2011 02:23 AM (NIcsL)

44 Survival Kit contents check. one 45 caliber automatic, two boxes of ammunition, four days concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, one thousand dollars in rubles, ten thousand dollars in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, five issues of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings ....

Posted by: Buddha at August 25, 2011 02:32 AM (Ehkdx)

45 Don't forget to pick up a copy of Dick Cheney's new memoir before you hunker down. Word has it, armed with this new weapon, you too will be able to explode heads via an entry wound at or near the general pubic area.

Posted by: Fritz at August 25, 2011 02:38 AM (2P+pn)

46 Speaking of weather - major nail in the coffin for the AGW folks over at WUWT

Posted by: Jean at August 25, 2011 02:41 AM (tvOF2)

47 Hell, a guy could have a good time in Vegas with that kit.

Posted by: Corona at August 25, 2011 02:45 AM (fh2Y7)

48 Posted by: Jean at August 25, 2011 06:41 AM (tvOF2)
Pay no attention to the scientist behind the curtain!

It is written that you lesser beings ARE responsible for helping me make a fortune from this scam.

Who are you going to believe, me or those lying European scientists?

Posted by: AlGoreAcle at August 25, 2011 02:50 AM (yrGif)

49 Please.. A moment of silence

Posted by: franksalterego at August 25, 2011 02:52 AM (7/sDI)

50 #52 Great idea! I just ordered mine from Amazon. According to Politico he skewers Colin Powell, which is LONG-DESERVED, in my opinion.

Posted by: Miss Marple at August 25, 2011 02:54 AM (Fo83G)

51 Forget Rhode Island. Come to Connecticut. At least we have signs on our roads.

Posted by: pipandbaby at August 25, 2011 02:56 AM (P5CP0)

Coming up's a huge tourist week in Newport, now jeopardized by an angry Mother Earth. I pity those merchants and bartenders--one lost week can be the difference between making money this summer and working for nothing.

(I know Morons like to sneak in their hobo-skin CamelBaks of Valu-Rite, but most people gladly follow establishment rules.)

Posted by: spongeworthy at August 25, 2011 03:08 AM (rplL3)

You know........Rhode Island isn't really an island at all. I just find that strange. They lie to you before you even get there. And what a thing to lie about. Yankees are weird. Maybe Irene will make honest people out of them.

I kid. Y'all stay safe.

There was a girl from Pawtucket,

Posted by: Case at August 25, 2011 03:09 AM (DYR2Q)

54 Observation...

Remember?.. Before Katrina?.. Bush calling for evacuations in New Orleans?.. Warnings, BTW, that went unheeded by hundreds of thousands of people.. The very same bunch of morons, that blamed him for the predicament they created for themselves.

Here comes Irene, and THIS Abysmal Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Failure is playing golf on Martha's Vineyard.

Posted by: franksalterego at August 25, 2011 03:16 AM (7/sDI)

55 Hey come on over to Long Island, Rhode Island morons. First we are a real island. Second we are bigger (Hey how come we are not a state?) Third Irene is making a bee-line straight for us. Think about it there will be many newly minted hobos migrating from the Hamptons. They will be very slow moving. The down side is they will be skinny after years on Atkins. I may end up with ocean front property when this all said and done ... so I will be millionaire.

Posted by: Long Island at August 25, 2011 04:11 AM (TiURi)

56 Forget Rhode Island. Come to Connecticut. At least we have signs on our roads.

Not after I'm done with you.

Posted by: The Hurricane known as Irene. at August 25, 2011 04:26 AM (UGxsK)

57 Another factor to consider is that the damn pussies will close the Jamestown and Newport Bridges if when the wind gusts get to 70-80 or so. Even at 50mph, it'll keep you on your toes.

Posted by: chuckR at August 25, 2011 04:29 AM (UGxsK)

58 Living in RI, I'm torn. I want Irene to miss us, but I also want Sir GolfsaLot's vacation to be spoiled. Can't have both, I guess.

Posted by: chuckR at August 25, 2011 04:32 AM (UGxsK)

59 Get the sand out of your vaginas, gather at the Ocean Mist, and embrace Gaia. Then get the sand out of your vaginas again. And your ears and your nose and your squeakhole.

http://oceanmist.net/

Rock and roll, bitches!

Posted by: Pablo at August 25, 2011 04:33 AM (1fuCG)

Washington D.C. directly in path of oncoming hurricane! Alert all politicians to evacuate immediately!

Wait -

Never mind.

Posted by: wdk535 at August 25, 2011 04:49 AM (tPpNj)

61
What a bunch of pussies...just invite Irene over for a beer, and she'll be a happy camper.

And she'll get you wet...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at August 25, 2011 05:16 AM (1hM1d)

62 Wow this is soo helpful I have been trying to figure this out on my own for a long time now. Hopefully making this change will help encourage discussion on my blog.

Posted by: Watership Down AudioBook at August 25, 2011 05:39 AM (4YGd+)

63 You forgot something very important. Beer ain't no good warm. Don't forget the ice.

Posted by: Jaynie59 at August 25, 2011 05:49 AM (4zKCA)

64 True. We're putting all our gel packs in the spare freezer and gonna get a couple bags of ice, too.

Posted by: lauraw at August 25, 2011 05:50 AM (/frmj)

65 Coleman stove, Coleman lantern, 1 gal. of Coleman fuel.

I am ready for anything.

Posted by: roy_batty at August 25, 2011 05:52 AM (QF8HN)

A spare fridge is a great thing. I ended up with one when I remodelled my kitchen and couldn't give the old one away. The local charity didn't even want it unless I could deliver it. So I hired a moving company to come out and move it into my garage. For a beer drinker it's like manna from heaven. Fill the freezer with ice, the fridge with beer, and then try not to open the doors unless you have to.

Posted by: Jaynie59 at August 25, 2011 05:55 AM (4zKCA)

67 Good luck from Houston guys. Stay if you can, batten down the hatches and remember, hide from the wind, run from the water.

Posted by: halodoc at August 25, 2011 06:25 AM (gLiPk)

68 One thing I never understood as a transplant to RI was the local population's tendency to load up on milk, eggs and bread before a big storm. Is French toast really that f'ing important?

Posted by: rktkt at August 25, 2011 06:31 AM (zXkiJ)

69 It rained for three minutes during the commute this morning here in Fort Worth. The locals are still talking about it. "Where were you during the big rain of 2011?" seems to be the hot topic. God I miss Colorado. Tip: Freeze a big container of water. It will last longer than cubes. And stay safe.

Posted by: PugBoo Aka at August 25, 2011 08:06 AM (gqenp)

Prayers from Floriduh for those in the path of Irene. I live 1/4 mile from the Atlantic and she is angry (can currently hear the surf inside my house and we are not even getting bands from Irene yet).

Please stay safe, morons and "ettes. Try to evacuate before the stampeding herds. Get ready now. Get your "bug out" kit ready plus a list of what you cannot replace or live without to cram into your car.

I feel badly for those who have not experienced this layer of evacuation hell before, and will be unprepared for weeks of no power and dreams of ice in your drink or fresh produce (or for some, cold beer). Prepare now for an early departure and survival in the aftermath of the storm.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky at August 25, 2011 08:09 AM (FnRYN)

71 Hey! It's all ball bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.

Posted by: jr at August 25, 2011 08:54 AM (uzbYw)

72 Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at August 25, 2011 09:43 AM (pV6cO)

73 @Christy Blinky - Try to evacuate before the stampeding herds.

Nah. I'm just going to pray to Mother Gaia and beseech her to clobber somebody else. Battery Park looks nice.

1/4 mile from lower Narragansett Bay, but at 63' above sea level, I'm like 10 times higher than 90% of Floriduh. Trick question - how can you tell if you live in a low lying area? Answer - take your driver's license out - if it says Floriduh on it, you're in a low lying area.

And I have a 8kVA generator and plenty o' beer. And bags of ice from a party a while back.

Posted by: chuckR at August 25, 2011 09:56 AM (XLu7l)

A Galil rifle and ten 35 round mags loaded with tracers, and the sincere hope that your neighbors will not behave well after the storm fucks up the neighborhood.

Posted by: USMC Steve at August 25, 2011 11:10 AM (zZae2)

75 Turns out I can't make the meet-up after all this weekend, so postponing it works for me.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 25, 2011 01:04 PM (qDCqo)

76 Remember for flying projectiles use two layers of plywood, not one, over your windows.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at August 25, 2011 08:10 PM (lQhoT)

77 Better data, minimum 3/4 in.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at August 25, 2011 08:13 PM (lQhoT)

78 Ya bunch of big babies. Real Men would slam down some shots and ride it out.

Posted by: Ray Nagin at August 25, 2011 08:14 PM (/7hoP)

79 Man, Wicket is going to rum amok.

Posted by: HoundOfDoom at August 25, 2011 08:17 PM (3bQqm)

80 Pussies.

Posted by: Chuck Norris at August 25, 2011 08:17 PM (2wKsS)

81 "...Thirty feet of 1/2" clear tubing. A dead rabbit, two pairs of black pantyhose, a quart of corn oil.." Is it OK if the pantyhose are the kind with a seam up the back?

Posted by: Rondinellamamma at August 25, 2011 08:26 PM (165ZM)

82 From one exHouston Ike survivor... best of luck. I got through that mess by stocking up on cheese, nuts, dried fruit and bottled beverages. Also I filled a bathtub so I could flush the resultant nutty poop. It helped a bit that we had Rita 3 years earlier to practice on.

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at August 25, 2011 09:56 PM (9pCq+)

83 Stay safe East Coast Morons ...

Posted by: Adriane at August 25, 2011 10:08 PM (L9W0l)

84 I have a family member attending graduate school at Rutgers. His house is located in New Bedford. . He predicted the phones would be out on Sunday. and yeah, I worry

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at August 25, 2011 10:28 PM (4HAST)

85 Laura,
What I find interesting is that recently, over 75,000 people lost power in my city for 3-4 days (depending on where you live) as the result of just a storm with extremely high winds. Not a hurricane but two hours of a severe storm managed to knock out all the electricity for thousands of people for days. I hate to see how we handled an actual hurricane. I'd probably be using flashlights and candles for a month. Stay safe east coasters.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at August 25, 2011 10:38 PM (4HAST)

86 Irene has already done some good. It scares me when terrorists group together.

Posted by: Jon Huntsman at August 25, 2011 10:45 PM (ApIyR)

.....and ladies, DON'T forget birth control...your "guy"
is bound to get intimate with you when the power goes out
and the wind howls!.....and the abortion clinics may be
closed for who knows how long!

Rosie O'Donnell

Posted by: grizzlybare at August 25, 2011 11:08 PM (4V89N)

"I wish they'd RENAME this hurricane with a more PC black

moniker....Like Malia...or Sasha....or Moochelle!"

Sheila Jackson-Lee, Hewston, Taxes

Posted by: grizzlybare at August 25, 2011 11:13 PM (4V89N)

89 The upper east coast newsies are being ridiculous about this.

"It's happening to us...so it's the worst thing that ever happened."

By the time it gets to NY, so much of he strength will be sapped out, they'll see nothing but rain. The Carolinas will take the brunt....but that's not horrible, because they will go against Obama in 2012

Posted by: beedubya at August 26, 2011 04:45 AM (AnTyA)

90 I was forced to go on one of the "Ghost Tours" because my horrid wretch of an ex was a tour guide. Turns out it was a private tour, and I wound up partying with a half dozen Hooters calendar girls. (2006 calendar I believe) Newport is pretty awesome in the Fall. True story.

Posted by: Maloderous at August 26, 2011 05:26 AM (+1iBX)

"A party is nice, but having dry clothes, ice, and good food, and pumping the water out of your basement is better, in the long run."

Yeah, but in the short run, whilst lying unconcious in a pool of your own drool and other bodily fluids hugging an ampty bottle of Val-U-Rite, you don't need any of those things.

Posted by: West at August 26, 2011 05:51 AM (1Rgee)

92 Ahh, its for the best. Actually meeting all you morons/moronettes is bound to be a let down.

Posted by: chuckR at August 26, 2011 10:50 AM (XLu7l)

93 I'm SUPER disappointed! I am in Boston for the weekend (I'm normally based on the Left coast) I would've loved to go to a moron meetup. I hate you Irene.

Posted by: John at August 26, 2011 08:34 PM (vhSGR)

94 Yankee weenies.

Posted by: J. Moses Browning at August 27, 2011 09:25 AM (3rKjY)

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